uMMMM WHOEVER DONATED THAT RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF COFFEE, TO MY KO-FI YESTERDAY, THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH??? oh my gosh, i’m still reeling from it!! i don’t know who you are, or why you did that, but you are amazing and generous, and i can’t thank you enough, friend! ;___;
excuse me while i sob grossly some more omg ;;;;;;;
so, i randomly decided to post a snippet of my wip that i’ll never finish that literally no one ever asked for lmao. also, shout out to @somnumdraconi because she literally did all the job tbh lol. chris is on an indefinite hiatus because of personal reasons but dw, she’s still as extra as ever :’) ly chris
How are you exactly sure if you’re in love?
Is it the pain you feel when they are in pain? Or is it the butterflies you get every time they smile?
Or is it when you’d sacrifice your happiness for theirs?
“I’d give you the world if I could.”
“You can’t even give me a kiss; how can you possibly give me the world?”
The man who left his flat moments ago should’ve been the one crying. Draco used him as a plaything to practice with, for Merlin’s sake.
He lay in his bed for the rest of the night, wondering what the real Harry would say.
Is it when you’d give them the whole galaxy if you could? Or maybe when you’d learn to fight your insecurities and fears just for them?
Draco decided to give it a shot. He’s a bit indecisive, but anything for Harry. Anything. If the Gryffindor asked him to take a Dementor’s Kiss, Draco pretty sure he would.
i am so darn emotional about akechi thinking himself undeserving of love and attention unless he is an extraordinarily special person and thinking that now that Akira knows he isn’t some sort of perfect charming prince but a super flawed human being, it’s just impossible for him to care for him
that he’ll abandon him just like his mother and his father and every person he met as a child going from foster home to foster home
i want him to have a chance at a life that’s not miserable and lonely i’m just so damn sad
(Requested by Anon) (Part 1 of this imagine here) (Part 2 of this imagine here) (Part 3 of this imagine here) (Part 4 of this imagine here) (Part 5 of this imagine here) (Part 6 of this imagine here) (Admin Note- I use a skin tone in this to describe the reader in comparison to those tanned models usually seen on the catwalk. As a white person I would usually say something like pale but I’m not sure what the correct alternative is so I inserted dark and olive as well - I am aware these are not usually derogatory same as pale but it was a difficult situation to work around so…please humour me. - She’s meant to be being derogatory about her skin tone in comparison but obviously this is hard to get across especially in a reader insert. Any helpful comments for the next time this comes up are welcome and please just humour me and insert the appropriate word when you reach that bit).
It had been two months since your family visited. Two whole months. Which meant it had been six months now you’d been living with the Volturi and exactly three months since you’d realised you were falling for Caius. 44 days exactly since you’d realised you were way past falling now and actually head over heels for the perpetually angry vampire. Who you had yet to admit these feelings too. It was a complex situation.
Felix, Jane, Alec and Demetri were all constantly offering up suggestions as to how to do it, they’d even told you to ‘just do it already’ a couple of times recently, it was probably fair to say they were irritated by your dithering.
Hell you were pretty sure the whole castle was irritated by your dithering. Even Marcus had taken to following you around and suggesting ways of letting Caius know you loved him recently. It was an odd situation to say the least. Especially how animated Marcus got about it all. Aro for his part, just watched you like you were his favourite soap opera. You weren’t sure which was worse.
So, your indecision and abstract worry was the reason you were wandering the castle while the vampires fed in a very dangerous manner considering the closeness of the reception to the throne room. Then again, the damn receptionist wasn’t dead yet so it wasn’t like they often slipped up.
Muttering under your breath was a thing you did a lot of recently but you were always extra careful to keep your mouth shut around the receptionist. She was a vindictive, spiteful little human. You of course hadn’t said anything to anyone about her treatment of you, her being a meany shouldn’t equal a death sentence but still… you made sure not to give her ammunition. So you were extra surprised to find your guard had slipped when she started speaking. Loudly.
“HA! What a ridiculous worry. Why you would even bother is beyond me. Pathetic is what it is.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder with a sniff.
The secretary was everything beautiful seemed to be in the magazines. She had perfect hair, perfect nails, blemish free tanned skin, long legs, a decent bust and she was the size of a twig.
You on the other hand. You had hair that wouldn’t do as it was told, nails bitten down to almost nothing, you got blemishes and dry patches and oily patches like no ones business although currently your skin was at the very least blemish free, you had (pale/dark/olive - basically insert appropriate word) skin…very (pale/dark/olive- basically insert appropriate word) skin, legs of a normal length not real long but not stubby either, a bust which was a little out of proportion for your frame and you had curves. You weren’t toned the way she was.
Basically the receptionist was stunning. The type of woman who, if turned into a vampire might actually give your mother a run for her money. Except she was cruel, bitchy, hurtful and basically a complete shit of a person.
Yet being the glutton for punishment you are… you asked. “What’s pathetic exactly?”
“You are. Thinking you could possibly mean anything to anyone here. To Alec, Demetri, Felix, Jane…Caius.”
You gulped, her words stopping your pacing dead.
“Oh of course they play a good game, pretend well, but really you’re nothing. Just a way to get back at your family. Change you, love you, pah! Caius will kill you. He’s planning it and they all know. You’re just falling for the game.”
You were angry at yourself that you doubted your friends, doubted Caius, but you did and because you did, you just couldn’t walk away. “That’s not true.” You insisted voice quivering slightly.
“Sei una grandissima zoccola.” She replied a haughty tone to her voice. “You think sleeping with him will get you anywhere, psh please, you are living on borrowed time. I suppose this only makes his killing you more sweet.”
“You’re wrong.” You insisted close to tears. Although your Italian wasn’t yet good enough to work out exactly what she’d said and she knew it.
“I am not and you know it. Otherwise my words would not bother you. Face it you are nothing but a
miserabili pezzi di merda.” She spat.
“Chiudi il becco.” Your voice quavered on the Italian ‘shut up’ as you tried really hard not to let the tears fall.
“Aww, how sad, the baby is going to cry. Surprise, surprise and she wonders why Caius could never love her.”
To your utter shame, you did cry. You began to cry and then, then you ran. You ran through the castle back up the stairs and twisting corridors until you reached your room and threw yourself onto the bed. Only pausing to lock the door behind you.
You must have cried for hours, hours upon hours perhaps and yet your sobbing was still just as loud and terrible and painful as it had been when it started, so Caius hearing you as he returned was really not a surprise.
“Y/N?” Caius called. You heard him try the handle of the door and heard the loud growl when he found it locked. “Y/N, open the door amore mio.”
At his words you just sobbed harder. Caius left, you heard his footsteps retreat and you cried even more earnestly until you heard more footsteps return followed by a loud crash. Of course Caius had never been known for his patience. So of course he had broken the door down.
You briefly wondered why you’d even locked it in the first place, which of course, only brought your conversation back full force.
“Amore mio, what is the matter?” Caius asked, pulling you into his arms, practically draping you across his lap as he gestured at the doorway, presumably telling whoever was there to go away.
“I -I-I-” You couldn’t choke down your sobs as you clutched him rather pathetically.
“You must speak to me angelo mio or I cannot help.”
“You-I-” Your tongue was having issues wrapping itself around the words but you did eventually get them out. “I love you and-and you-you hate me-you couldn’t-you don’t- going to kill me.”
“What?!” Caius whipped you up so fast it gave you a head rush, he held tightly to your arms as you frantically tried to wipe away some of your tears knowing what a mess you must look. “What do you mean I hate you? I’m going to kill you? Where have you got such ideas?!”
“The secretary. She-she said you hate me. She called me things in Italian that I don’t understand and she said you’re going to kill me, it’s all a game and you could never love me, it’s just to get at my family. And- And I love you and I’m pathetic for it because you- you don’t love me.”
“Y/N listen to me!” Caius shook you slightly in his anger. “I love you. No, don’t look away, listen! Whatever that vapid bitch has said I love you. You are everything to me. My mate. Mine. I will not kill you. I will not harm you. No one shall.I love you. To think you love me too is astounding. I am so happy amore mio. So happy. This should be a happy moment, a special moment. I was begining to think you could never return my feelings and yet you love me. And I am so very undeserving of that. I am selfish and cruel though so I will accept your love and cherish it, otherwise I would send you to find a more worthy partner but you are mine. I love you. I cannot believe you love me too, I had all but given up hope, you must listen to me angelo mio, you are the only thing worth anything to me. You understand. I care for nothing but you, not my power, position, possessions nothing, not even my own life. Only you and your happiness. I love you amore mio, more than anything I love you.”
You had stopped crying during Caius’s talk seeing the sincerity in his eyes. With pure wonderment you placed a hand against his face. “I don’t deserve you Caius, but I love you just the same. I’m so sorry. I should have told you before. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I’ve ruined this moment, I’m so- so very sorry.”
Caius allowed a weak smile to tug at his lips. “You have ruined nothing amore mio. Nothing. It is I who does not deserve you. I should have made my feelings more obvious… I love you.” He crushed you into his stone hard chest and set his chin on top of your head.
“Alec.” He called quietly. “Felix, Demetri, Jane.”
You heard quick footsteps and presumed they were the vampires that had accompanied him back.
“The secretary. Take her. Find out exactly what she said to Y/N today. Exactly what she has said to Y/N before and then make her pay for it. Torture her. I want her to beg for death.”
You turned your head just enough to see the vengeful smiles on your friends faces and briefly wondered how you could have ever doubted their friendship.
“Then when she is begging for death, leave her and report back to me on your progress. I and only I will have the privilege of killing her. Is that understood?”
You shivered, for the first time in months remembering why Caius had such an awful reputation. Remembering how on your very first day here he’d assured you every terrible thing you’d heard of him was true. Assured you he’d likely done even worse.
“Yes Master.” The four Volturi guards left grinning.
Caius pulled back slightly tilting his head down to look at you. “Now where were we my love?”
“I love you.” You replied, a watery smile on your face.
“Ah yes.” Caius grinned. “And I you.”
With that he drew you into the most passionate, adoring, love-filled kiss of your life. All soft lips and gentle tongues. A languid pace, for you had all the time in the world to fully appreciate each other, but only right now for this particular kiss. Caius Volturi was an enigma alright, but he was your enigma and you loved him.
Having bpd is so wild like. Do i think i am undeserving of love? Yes. Do i think others would be better off without me? Yes. Do i still get irrationally upset when people choose others over me? You bet your damn ass i do.
Just allow him to love you.
I watch you, you fool,
Like a hunting wolf who can so easily predict her prey,
As you think of a past, who with his kiss,
Cut out the tongue of your heart’s love
Issuing its strong beat speechless.
I lick my fangs with hungry disappointment
As you sink down the drain of your venomous thoughts.
Thoughts which so easily eat from the frail bones of your hope:
Will I be happy?
Will I feel trapped?
He cares for me, so sweetly, but will that be enough?
I am undeserving of his love.
I am sour and will rot his tree of life and love from the inside
Like a disease.
Oh. I cannot.
I am sorry.
There, there, you fanged and flawed beast who so viciously bites and claws at all who dares get close,
Look at me in the mirror, at the lone wolf within your eyes, and say
A/N: This is the second and final part of this scenario! ^__^ Enjoy!
Pairing: You x Kai
Summary: When he breaks up with you because he’s afraid to love you
Three weeks later
Is this what love was supposed to feel like? Pain, searing through not only my heart, but my entire being? My hands trembled by my sides before I clamped them around my glass of Jack Daniels and coke, eyes blinking rapidly as my table of friends glanced around awkwardly.
I shouldn’t have come out tonight. But after almost a month of moping, I had decided that I couldn’t do this to myself anymore. I couldn’t let myself wither away like that just because of Jongin.
Except he was never ‘just’ Jongin, was he? He was the love of my life, the most important person to me. Without him, I had no meaning.
And of course I had to bump into him at the club. I had to see him standing by the bar, talking to that tall, beautiful, model-like woman who flirted and laughed with him whilst I sat some distance away, unnoticed by Jongin and close to bursting into tears.
No. 28 - When I am dead [TW: suicide. Please proceed with caution!]
If you’re reading this, then it’s already happened, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through in the 9 years we’ve known each other, and I’m sorry for what I’m about to put you through.
Issei feels as though his heart has stopped. Ironic, really, given Takahiro’s current state - motionless with a sheet pulled up over his beautiful face.
I’m sorry it had to happen this way, but what other way could it have been?
At this, Issei’s eyes burn, and he feels anger flare white-hot in his chest. You idiot, he wants to scream, why did you shut me out? We could have fixed this together. It could’ve been a million different ways - it could’ve been us! Together. Old and content. Not in your fucking twenties with a stomach full of bleach. Fuck.
Hey guys! So this blog recently hit 10K followers, which I never expected! I am so thankful for all my amazing followers, and so glad that monsta x is getting some love :’) So I thought it was time to make another follow forever. These are just some of the many amazing blogs that I follow, thanks for existing! You should also follow them, you won’t regret it! ~ I’d like to first list the talented monbebes at@mxgraphics-net; your creations are fab & keep it up :D (pls join as well)
i keep having those ‘i am so undeserving and so unworthy to live this beautiful life, but the Lord keeps showing up and loving me in exactly the ways i need love most’ moments, and i can’t help but hold a gratitude that runs so deep in my heart that i’m left completely and utterly speechless.