and i am crying about it

vixellaa  asked:

My customer service voice sounds so fake I worry people would think I'm being rude, like ma'am please stop apologizing when I said it was no problem I meant it I wasn't being sarcastic it's just my voice

I sound squeaky with mine. Like in a nervous about to cry maybe way. Not sure why I do that, but it works for me because I imagine people think I’m fragile and sweet. Little do they know. lol Even the one doc that complains a lot treated me like I was about to break and told me I didn’t have to call him “sir”. -Abby

Self, everything is okay now. You don’t have to worry anymore. I know you are tired for everything that you’ve done. It’s okay to have some rest, you deserve it. You’ve done enough. I know you did the best you can just to make other people happy. You gave them your pieces just to make them whole again. You never left their side even if some of them pushed you away. It’s okay now. You can now sleep. You don’t have to overthink about what will happen tomorrow, cry every night, or hurt yourself. The pain is now over for you. Please remember that I am happy because we met, and I will never forget you. Close your eyes now. It’s okay. Till next time , my friend.
—  eulogy for the future me // jin
the life and times of ryan ross pt 2


this is part two in the series that @jen–ne–sais–quoi proably didn’t realize was going to be so long. 

okay, i’m going to try to make this all one era, we’ll see. when we last left off, the summer league was no more and panic! at the disco was now in the picture, just as trevor howell? (am i making up his last name?) (no, google says it was howell too, cool) was no more and brendon urie was now in the picture. this isn’t a history of panic! so even though we must talk about the history of panic!, we’ll be focusing on ryan ross throughout.

trevor leaves the summer league. tragic. we loved trevor, we’re all crying. (we don’t know anything about trevor) the band is down a guitar player. yes, a guitar player and not a singer. at this point, it is important to know that Ryan Ross wrote all the lyrics, played the guitar, and! sang for the summer league. and he will continue to sing a little bit longer. 

it is necessary now to pull away from ryan so as to properly introduce brendon urie. he was a very important person in ryan’s life, so i think he deserves this.

brendon boyd urie had not known ryan ross or spencer smith because instead of going to the catholic school that ryan and spencer went to, he went to the public school in summerlin, palo verde high school. luckily, brent wilson went to palo verde and had a guitar class with one brendon urie. brent wilson could see brendon’s talent with the guitar so he told him that his band was looking for a new guitarist, and would he like to audition. it’s unclear if the band was still the summer league at this point or if it had been changed to panic! at the disco because between no one documenting the name change and all the different situations in fanfiction, i honestly just don’t know. 

i also can’t really tell you anything about his audition because it’s done so often in fanfiction that i don’t know if anyone really knows the truth or if it’s something that is so common in fanfiction that it becomes part of cannon. my fuzzy memory tells me that the audition was in spencer’s basement, they were immediately impressed and had brendon join the band, and that ryan was a little bit quiet. these things may be true (they’re probably true) but they may also be pulled from a fanfic. i really could not tell you. 

please not that brendon would’ve looked something like this, but probably nerdier because he was dressed for school pictures: 

okay, so i’m pretty sure by now the band is called panic! at the disco, and that’s what i’m gonna call it from now on. so now we have the panic! lineup, just still a little jumbled because remember that ryan is our singer. this next part is a bit like a myth. i’m not sure if it’s 100% true, i’m not sure how i learned it, and i’m not sure where the information ever came from. it’s agreed on as canon though, and it’s important. one day our lead singer ryan ross is sick. instead, brendon urie is singing today. brendon sings and ryan gets angry that brendon didn’t tell him he could sing like that. brendon tells ryan “i didn’t know i could sing like that” ryan decides that brendon should be the singer because ryan writes confident words, but does not have the confident voice to back them up. brendon has the confident voice, so ryan thinks he should sing. we now have the panic! we see in the fever era.

it should be said that fall out boy is in existence and that Take This To Your Grave was already out and ryan ross may or may not be obsessed with pete wentz (he was totally obsessed with pete wentz, more on that later)

i feel like it’s important to take a second and explain the importance of livejournal to those who were young when it was big (i was too young for much of ryan ross’ livejournal days, unfortunately) livejournal was pretty big in bandom and the band members used it too. most importantly, ryan, brendon, and pete used it. they would interact with fans and other people and ryan probably put out way too much personal information. you can find a masterpost of his lj posts here. (they’re only from when he panic! was becoming a thing, but if you search the internet, you can find older stuff too) 

livejournal was pretty fundamental for ryan. he wrote lots of poetry and song lyrics, he shared music recs, and most importantly: he posted panic! music. with this music, he also harassed pete wentz about his music. harassed might be a little strong. this is also a bit mythological. ryan posted some demos he and brendon had made on their laptops to his livejournal and sent pete the link. you can find the demo for camisado here and the one for nails for breakfast, tacks for snacks here. as you can see, they’re quite different from the album versions. pete wentz saw the talent in these rough demos and decided to drive from la to vegas and sit in on a rehearsal. panic! had never played live before and they didn’t have all the equipment to play their songs live (remember, they were all still pretty young. ryan was the only 18 year old) so they played them acoustic for him and he liked them enough to sign them to decaydance.

this picture is a while after this situation, but ryan’s appropriately greasy, so it will work for our purposes:

okay, let’s focus in a little more on ryan and what he was doing right now. ryan was going to UNLV. he had a full ride scholarship (because he’s a genius and we all know that) and was in the creative writing program. his dad had also gone to UNLV, so he may have gone there per his dad’s wishes or maybe to stay close to home, or maybe even just because that’s where he had the best scholarship. i’ve never seen anything about him living in the dorms, so i would assume that he lived at home with his dad. you can see in his songs, and he’s commented on it before, but his dad was at least emotionally and mentally abusive. he’s never mentioned anything about physical abuse, so even though that is super common in fanfiction, i can’t say it’s 100% true. also, ryan’s dad was sick a lot from the alcoholism, and even though he was abusive, ryan still loved his dad and tried to help him when he could.

it is 2004, panic! at the disco has been signed to decaydance/fueled by ramen. within the next year we will see ryan ross go from a greasy, awkward boy who wrote deep metaphorical lyrics to ….the same boy but now famous. this chapter ends here, and in the next chapter will begin the Fever Era

To Mod & the bloglettes

I don’t have to like Norman right now but I do like y'all. I started life as a shy little Anon but you made feel worthy to create an account and become the commenter I am today. You made me cry. Made me laugh. Made me want to choke a hoe. But it’s all out of love for you gals who’ve come together over our mutual love for Norman (asshat that he is sometimes) and that he can’t ruin for us! This too shall pass. Might pass like a shitload of kidney stones but it will eventually pass. I mean c'mon.. it’s DK (my autocorrect changes that to dick btw. Not far off) she will implode this shit herself like a North Korean missile. 🚀…💥💥. The more I think about it the more he needs a comeuppance. A reality check could make him realize once and for all to check the toxic shit in his life at the door, pull his head out of the sand and wise up. Either way, he’s unknowingly brought a bunch of us together somehow and I enjoy each and every one of you. And please Mod, stick it out. You don’t have to defend him. Just keep chillin with us. We love your voice of reason. ❤

-Mod- ❤️❤️❤️

anonymous asked:

can you recommend some good things to watch?

here is (some of) my required watching list (bc it would be very long):



spoken word


i have a million more, but nothing nowhere deleted something i really wanted to share and now i am extremely sad

Can you be good at reading people in some ways (due to emotional abuse), but bad at reading people in other ways (cause you’re autistic)?

It is possible - Mod Liz

I’ve spent so long not knowing I’m autistic that I still can’t tell what ‘normal’ frustration is versus a meltdown. Yesterday I was super busy, so today was supposed to be my day off to do some prep for my tutoring session and to train my dog. However, my brothers keep interrupting me while I’m in the middle of doing something to drive them somewhere and they’re messing up my schedule. At this point, I’m so frustrated about the situation that I want to scream and throw things. I feel like I’m gonna cry. Is this a normal reaction or am I on the merge of a meltdown?

It sounds to me like you may be heading towards meltdown - Mod Liz

Why People aren't OK and What to do

Before going on a rant, thank you @amonmahboi you gave me my inspiration to write this because of your own post on the matter. So, sorry if this is too similar to yours, I am just making my own view and since it’s like your own view, you said it very clearly so, it might be a little bit similar. Now, that’s it. From the last reblog that I posted, you know what I’m going to talk about. So, if you’re going to cry “ WRONG!!!” or any other negative remarks, stop reading this or go be a jerk to someone who’ll care. If this doesn’t sound like my usual tone that I do with my posts, you’re damn right. I read the aforementioned post and the blogger said that people are actually hating Ishida for changing the character? Now, I am about to go activate the side of me that you guys have not seen, so last warning. Keep your mind open. Speaking about which, the posts I have seen and reblogged have done great to keep their minds open about this Mutsuki flip. If you haven’t been on Tumblr or have not read the newest chapter, Mutsuki reveals that he has always loved Haise and afterwards, thinking that Uta is Haise, stabs the heck out of him saying some lines and Aura steps in on Mutsuki being half naked and on Uta/Haise. So, this could be interpreted as Mutsuki having sexual intercourse but, without the other person’s consent. So, now is when everyone or most of the people reading are questioning Ishida’s take on the character, disliking him for doing this and even giving up on this series. Or that’s what the last reblogged post said. Now, I see this whole dispute as a result of one thing; narrowmindedness. These people are not being open to the other person(Ishida, in this case) having views that clashes with their own. We are living in a good time. We’re more equal, we can express things way more and we’re pretty nice to most other people. But, if there’s someone who doesn’t believe what we believe, we go all crazy on them. That’s one bad thing about this generation. We don’t listen to the other people very well, we go call them insults like facist, nazi sympathizer, Libtards,SJWs. In turn, this causes us to be more distanced by putting us into a state of insulting and hurting to the point of driving our family away. Fandoms are your family. If you don’t think that Ishida did nothing wrong about Mutsuki, good. If you do think he was wrong about the character, good. It’s ok if you leave this family, just don’t be narrowminded and don’t condemn anyone who has different opinions than you. We are all human beings. We are all made equal and that’s what I preach. I hope you see this and remember, Tokyo Ghoul is not real life. So, anybody who is gay, colored(haven’t been a character like that yet…I think), trans,bi or etc, is fictional. They are not actual people who’s being forced. Thank you for understanding and reading. I know this may not get a lot of notes but, I don’t care. It’s alright. I gave my message and it’s alright. See you next week.

I’m not okay today
I’m a crumbling version of myself
I cry at random things at terrible times like standing in the supermarket
I have no room in my head to worry about all the things I need to focus on
I have too many maybes and not enough yes
Nothing is constant
Nothing is safe
Nothing is okay
And neither am I

But I will stand by myself until I am okay because the me that is okay wouldn’t want to give up on the current me

Today was so so tough and sad. I am tired of being strong.
I am by no means giving up on anything. I am anything if not tough, a small diamond of toughness in what a heart I aim to keep soft. But I’m tired of being strong. It implies an obstacle, pain. And like, I know that there’s always something somewhere that’s blowing up for someone. So my concerns feel small.

I make a lot of jokes about me crying a lot. Because I really do get weepy at the drop of a hat, any hat! But generally speaking you’re never going to see me breakdown and really really cry ferociously. It takes a lot for me to expose myself that way. It feels…well my kind of weeping lacks a certain propriety.

But lately I’ve been crying pretty heavily when I’m alone. The shower is an ideal locale. Just for a few minutes and then I pull it together drink some water and listen to music and walk back out into the world.

i fall to pieces in secret. I don’t know how to talk about. I don’t know what to say for myself.

I feel like my art doesn’t matter.

And I just feel so terribly alone. Not that I don’t have friends. I do. And I love them so much. I can pour kindness into those hearts forever. I just feel…alone. Or like, I want something to comfort me but I don’t know what possible could.

I just keep praying for something or someone to just hold these things for me for a little bit. I want to fall in someone’s arms and I want deliverance.

I know no feeling lasts forever. And I know I’m fine.
I keep reminding myself of that old lyric from The National:
“baby we’ll be fine/ all we gotta do is be brave and be kind.”


thaneseinof replied to your post “all the people saying that ‘men should get a turian romance now we…”

I’m “cis-gendered” if I am forced to use that ridiculous term and I’d romance Vetra as Scott Ryder. Vetra is a beautiful example of a Turian female and not being able to romance her as Scott Ryder would just be terrible. Anybody arguing that Vetra should be an exclusive female romance option can fuck right off. Fortunately, it would appear that if anything, she’s a bi romance option. So, everybody (except whining ideologues on both sides) is happy.

could you, perchance, jack my wang?


733 // Sunday Idle Time

It’s when you missed being a kid and just want to drop your books and play a little game you know? Because i don’t think i would ever have a time to play things like this again this week.

I am actually torn between wanting to finish them FRIENDS episodes or watch a Korean Drama or any tear-jerker movies but i hate being overly emotional tonight albeit my dramatic side is 60% wanting to get out and have a good cry, buuut you know… i am not sure whether i could take and make time thinking about my feelings because i might just feel worse right after and i’m 50% don’t want to deal with everything that is emotional and scary because i have yet to finish drafting a letter for another office branch opening with my business so i have to keep my feelings at bay first because, ugh—priorities.

So i opted playing MOH for awhile just so i can put all these frustrations out for a good use. Bleaah, this period usually is a nuisance because it takes you up for a rollercoaster kind of emotional torture. 

Sigh, and how could this night—get any better (insertsarcasm) than this?

anonymous asked:

YOOOO I agree w/that other anon and also, while I was already a big fan of You're a Thief and a Witch, my appreciation for that story was like 150% greater after seeing the development of Laf and John's relationship in You've Won Me Over.

I cry.

I am so weak for John and Laf’s dynamic. I love writing it. I love reading it. I love when you guys talk about it. 

anonymous asked:

im a smol emo girl (im 5'1") i have short blond hair and blue/gray eyes. i cry easily but i will scream at u if u make me cry, and i have punched the most popular girl at my school and she cried. i should not be proud of this but i am anyways. i also like screaming about lynz way, frank iero and frerard

Did Annabeth Chase write this. (Also yes I would date you, I would be the tall girlfriend, I would also date Annabeth Chas tho so..)

anonymous asked:

Can you shiny hunt for politoed?

I’m sure you can, however Politoed is pretty hard to get, shiny or not.

My Politoed horror story ……

So Politoed can only be caught by sos chaining Poliwag…… the rain, AND it has an extremely low chance of showing up. I didn’t have a Pokemon with the ability Drizzle, so I was forced to settle for the move Rain Dance.

I’d make it rain but the Poliwags just. Made the battle impossible/refused to call for help/etc. They would ONLY finally call for help once the rain just ENDED, resulting in more Poliwags. I did this for TWO HOURS. I struggle to get even a single call for help DURING the actual rain.

FINALLY… It happens!!!! After two hours, Politoed finally shows up!!! I am about to cry. 

Politoed….uses Perish Song.

“No,” I say. “NO.”

I throw a Pokeball.


Politoed faints.

I nearly cry.

I decide to just evolve my own Politoed.

Shuffle Tag!

tagged by @donghynck! ty for this ily

rules: you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to. put your music on and list the first ten songs and tag ten people.

knock - knk
secret - wjsn
barama - lim kim
and july - heize 
welcome to the black parade - mcr (im legit crying @ this)
crooked - g-dragon
taller than you - mamamoo
give it to me - sistar
young forever - cnblue
don’t flirt - winner

hmm i’ll tag some of my favs @sadmaachine @i-am-the-best-quality @svt-woo @squishyjisu @squishywooji @choco-seventeen @swearing-asian and anyone who wants to do it ~ (don’t feel pressured!)


I jsut had to watch Kakyoin die and I am

crying legitimate tears

and I’m kinda mad at myself bc I’ve known Kakyoin dies from basically the very beginning, it’s one of the first things I knew about the series, so I told myself ‘okay, I won’t get attached to that one then’

and he’s my favorite

and he’s dead

and I am legitimately crying, holy fuck

that racist ass rat bitch wrote me up for a performance issue because i didn’t want to do that stupid assignment we weren’t properly trained for i’m so fucking mad they really do not know how to fucking treat people this makes me so fucking sick i’ve busted my ass since june for this dumbass company and they have not done one good thing for me i am about to cry i’m so fucking angry i don’t deserve to be treated like this