and i also know i wrote things wrong but oh well

Main points from Afterbuzz interview

Spoiler warning for season 4!

So Afterbuzz TV sat down with Lauren Montgomery, Joaquim Dos Santos and Jeremy Shada to review episodes 1 and 2 as well as discuss the season as a whole. Here’s a summary :)

*Note: a lot of this is paraphrased since I was taking notes as I was listening, but it’s as true to what was said as physically possible

  • About Keith (and Shiro):
    • Last season was a lot about building Keith’s confidence as a leader and then immediately he steps out of the role. Joaquim says Keith has always been reluctant to be in the leader position
    • Lauren says we have a situation where we have one paladin too many, something’s gotta give. Had Shiro stayed gone Keith would’ve absolutely stayed put, but with Shiro back Keith feels like he can’t fill those shoes, so he’s kinda pulling back to sort of force Shiro to step back in
    • Lauren is responsible for the Shiro & Keith cameo in the background of the Holt final photos before the Kerberos launch
    • Lauren calls Shiro Keith’s “guiding light”
    • Lauren says Shiro is going to have a “lot of development” 
    • Jeremy teases more backstory 
  • About Matt:
    • The fakeout at Matt’s grave was Joaquim’s idea
    • Steve Ahn’s birthday made it into the graveyard scene as Matt’s wrong birthday (or perhaps the coordinates? wasn’t clear)
    • Jeremy says he watched the graveyard scene not knowing anything since he wasn’t in that episode, and even he believed it for a second, despite Matt’s VA being around a lot to record lines
    • Lauren says she still gets affected and she’s known since day one that Matt will be back (”and he’s gonna be a rebel and he’s gonna be an action star!”)
    • Matt is a huge dork. He had to grow and evolve to survive but at the heart of it he’s still Pidge’s dork of a brother 
    • Matt was the only person Pidge could relate to growing up because she was way too smart for everyone else in her class, smarter even than her own teacher, so she had no one except her brother. And then he kinda left her behind, not intentionally or in a mean sense but still
    • Matt got into the Garrison on brainpower and he isn’t as powerful as some other characters. He very much fights like someone who isn’t a big guy (speed not strength)
  • About Lance:
    • Lance is all about being in the spotlight. The Voltron shows are everything he’s been waiting for
    • Jeremy says it was fun playing those more lighthearted episodes after the more serious growing and maturing from last season
    • Lance has a lightheartedness to him; Jeremy says that’s his favourite part of playing him
    • Lauren jokes that it’s all Jeremy’s fault cause he’s so good at playing Lance and if you’re mad that Lance is funny all hatemail goes to Jeremy
    • Joaquim says it’s tough with so many characters, but reiterates that every person will have their time in the spotlight
    • Regarding Lance’s pep talk to Allura at the end of the season, Lance knows when someone needs to step up, he’s a really good team player. He loves being the center of attention but he’s also able to pull back. Jeremy says the team is like a family now, and it’s that respect and care and love for everyone on the team that lets Lance be confident in saying stuff like “I know you can do this, it’s all you” as opposed to something like “I think I can do something!”
    • Lauren points out that Lance started in the blue lion which is a support lion, holds Voltron up, and he’s since graduated to the right hand which is like the ultimate support to the head. It’s a good indication of what’s beneath the surface, he’s really good at knowing everyone’s strengths, good team player
    • Joaquim adds that if you look deeper, Lance comes from a big family, and within the family dynamic he was probably very much that guy. But to people outside the family he wants to be seen as front and center
    • Jeremy says Lance is going to continue to grow, building on the more serious moments from this season and the one before. Lance becomes “a voice of reason” soon
  • About Lotor:
    • Lauren is to blame for Lotor dislocating his shoulder. They wrote themselves into a bit of a corner with that; they knew he had to get away but how? It’s not like he could drive with his mouth or pick the lock, the space cuffs don’t have locks. Joaquim says everyone cringed just looking at Lauren’s storyboards for that scene without even sound or anything
    • Lauren says Lotor is genuinely intelligent and we’ll eventually learn things about him “like maybe he’s not SUPER backstabby?”
    • [both Joaquim and Lauren are very tight lipped on Lotor backstory and relationship with Honerva etc]
  • Voice cast trivia: 
    • Josh Keaton voices Regris
    • Whenever there’s an extra lady voice it’s usually Kimberly Brooks or Cree Summer
    • Lauren recalls one amazing blooper when Rhys Darby (Coran) just got so frustrated with a line he cussed them out. Joaquim and Jeremy add that Rhys has this amazing way that he abandons a line, where he’ll just go dadadadada–awwh (“he deflates”). To be fair Rhys gets a lot of the hardest and most technical lines
    • Andrea Romano (the show’s retired voice director) did the robot voice at Matt’s grave–she has a tradition of doing computer voices (she was the batmobile for a long time)–and she also has done the Castleship’s voice as well as some helmet translations
    • Te-Osh was voiced by Lacey Chabert who does Nyma. She has a naturally high voice so they pitched her down for Te-Osh and found it turned out amazing
    • John DiMaggio voiced lieutenant Ozar as well as the bounty hunter and the illegal arms dealer from Reunion (There’s a cute story with Christine Bian–backgrounds and props supervisor–who is a huge Futurama fan so she came in the day John was recording and he was super nice and signed her things and as he left she yelled “Bender we love you!” and you hear down the hall “shut up baby I know it”)
  • The Blade of Marmora feel the most responsibility out of anyone to do whatever they can against the Galra given it’s their culture and they want to prove to everyone that they’re willing to go as far as it takes to right the wrongs, which unfortunately often leads to BoM operatives being not very long-lived
  • Joaquim says the grey alien from the mall goes to Earth every now and then for a round of abductions and then he resells everything, which is how he got all the game systems and Kaltenecker, etc
  • Pidge was determined to play her game and within a few months she had gathered everything to jury rig it so it’d work, and then of course Lance in typical Lance fashion jacked her game system the same way he jacked her headphones
    • The pixel artist they got to do the game is Michael Azzi, based in Brussels, and he came up with most of it on his own (that boss move at the end where the shot rotates was all his idea)
  • Any time the show goes Full Anime (the Kaltenecker scene, Matt and Allura’s meeting) it’s usually Steve Ahn’s doing
    • Joaquim says go watch Matt and Allura’s meeting in Japanese
  • The Voltron Show episode was very much their Ember Island Players episode. Joaquim says there’s a bit of a disconnect, that it was first and foremost an episode for them internally to come to terms with a lot of stuff, whereas a lot of people are saying “oh they’re speaking directly to us [the fans]” but that’s not the case. They’ve been thinking about this since a long time ago. Lauren says it was written and in production long before the fandom
  • Lauren would’ve loved to get to know the rebels a bit better and give Olia a proper introductions but just no time
AUs

Here are some aus, divided in different themes.

College themed

  1. I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
  2. My roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
  3. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
  4. You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay
  5. My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
  6. It’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay
  7. I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume because of a dare
  8. Accidentally knocked on the wrong dorm room college au
  9. Heard a scream and thought you were getting killed but it was just a spider
  10. Somehow, we always end up sitting next to each other during the weekly gatherings to watch [Game of Thrones, SVU, Rupaul’s Drag Race, pick a show] in our dorm’s really good TV room 
  11. I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly

Awkward first meeting themed

  1. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry!”
  2. “I just tripped and fell face first into your crotch, god end my life now please.”
  3. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.”
  4. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 
  5. “I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night”
  6. “Last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and also neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us”
  7. “You found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life”
  8. ‘you thought i was someone else and started making out with me at a club and you’re really hot so i just went with it and now we’re heading back to your place and idk how to break it to you’
  9. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last persons’s apartment together’
  10. ‘i’ve had a really awful day so i started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car i’m so sorry’
  11. “I ordered pizza but the pizzeria got my order wrong so now I’m screaming at my really cute pizza delivery boy because I’m angry and very hungry”

Nobility themed

  1. “your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it”
  2. “we’ve been engaged to be married since we were three but this is the first time we’ve met and your portraits really don’t do you justice”
  3. “i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways”

Opposites attract themed

  1. a hopeless romantic and a single-but-proud meet at a store on valentine’s day. the latter is buying valentine cards ironically, the former buying them sincerely in hopes of getting a date
  2. a scary-looking person who unintentionally makes kids cry and a daycare volunteer meet at a children-filled park
  3. rebellious teenager who’s failing all their classes is assigned a studious tutor
  4. really distinguished food critic and fast food chef
  5. a hopeless romantic and a horny beast are set up on a blind date

High school themed

  1. “We’re the only ones in detention”
  2. “I desperately need my books but my locker is blocked and you’re the only one in the hall”
  3. “Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting”
  4. “I twisted my ankle and you’re the only one here strong enough to carry me to the nurse’s office but we’re both really awkward”
  5. “We were both left out when everyone was picking partners and now we always choose each other when we have classes together”
  6. “I lent you my cool pencil months ago and you still use it”
  7. “I accidentally took your notebook thinking it was mine and you have really nice handwriting and cute doodles”
  8. “You started sitting by me at lunch because I’m alone at my table but we never talk to each other”
  9. “I was really hungry but had no money and you bought me lunch even though I don’t know you”
  10. “I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are”
  11. “I fell asleep on your couch after a party but you didn’t complain and made breakfast for the both of us”
  12. sharing a textbook and leaving each other notes and answers in page corners
  13. found their phone number in a library book
  14. dancing partners
  15. younger siblings are best friends
  16. playing romantic interests in a play
  17. “yes i understand that it’s may and this classroom is stuffy but why are you taking your shirt off and why aren’t you in trouble (not that i mind)”
  18. “i can’t believe you dropped the frog we’re dissecting on tHE FLOOR WHAT THE FUCK”
  19. “i’m fightin this person and they shoved me into u im sooo sorry- oh hey you’re cute- oH MY GOD UR KICKIN ASS MARRY ME!!! PLEASE!!!!”
  20. “you asked me to prom by filling my locker with ping pong balls that say “prom?” on them but i tripped on one and smacked my head on a locker but thanks for taking me to the nurse!!! i still want to go with you!!”

Ridicously sentence themed

  1. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else.“ 
  2. "Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!”
  3. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.”
  4. “That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.”
  5. “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" 
  6. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?”
  7. “I’m like 75% this won’t explode on us.”
  8. “I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.”
  9. “I’m sorry that I got way too into playing house and accidentally kissed you passionately.”

Height difference themed

  1. “I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”
  2. “You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”
  3. “We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks”
  4. “You are very tall and I am very short so you run into me all the time and honestly this is getting ridiculous”
  5. I’m in art class and I just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding”
  6. “We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 
  7. “You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious” 

Reincarnation themed

  1. I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friend’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life
  2. We keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because I can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least I keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime

Mythical creatures themed

  1. “i’m a newly-turned werewolf without a pack and i can’t really control myself well on full moon nights yet and you keep finding me passed out naked on your lawn”
  2. “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO”
  3. “i’m a history major and i keep getting into arguments with one of my classmates about things because they keep saying i’m wrong so i finally scream, ‘how would you know?!?’ and they’re like, ‘because i was THERE!’ and that’s how we all find out that there is a centuries-old vampire taking our British history class”

Funny meeting at a party themed

  1. “i was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me”
  2. “spilled my drink down your shirt and then tried to drink it off you”
  3. “we had an impromptu rap duet in the middle of the party”
  4. “you kept asking everyone to play the cha cha slide then proceeded to pass out when the song started”
  5. “you keep shouting “THIS IS MY JAM” at every song that comes on i have a headache the size of nebraska you’re lucky you’re cute”
  6. “whenever you saw me you’d shout ‘WHOOOOOOOOO’ really loudly and then do finger guns at me before walking off to god knows where”
  7. “you thought I was your friend and pulled me up on the table to dance with you now you’re shirtless and grinding on me”
  8. “you got up to the mic and started singing and holy shit you’re really good???”
  9. “you’re really bad at beer pong but you do this really cute dance before you throw the ball so I’m letting you stay on my team”
  10. “our mutual friend dared the two of us to chug a whole pint of beer and I’m not going to let you beat me”
  11. “we both grabbed for the last bottle of the good beer and i’m not saying we’re going to fight for it but we are”

Competitive themed

  1. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust
  2. I used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event
  3. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me
  4. you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year I am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me I will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um
  5. we’re always making stupid bets like 'bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad here let me look after you
  6. did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

“We’re bad at dating” themed

  1. I can’t tell whether this is a date because you asked to see a movie but I’m still not sure you’re queer, and I’m toeing the line because maybe you’re just trying to make friends
  2. I decided to flip a coin about every decision in my life for a week and that’s how we ended up on a date
  3. We’re both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up
  4. We had one really bad date and never spoke again and now our friends have set us up on a blind date
  5. We’re going on a blind date - but wait a moment, aren’t you that went down on me in a back alley behind a club year ago? … what do you mean “which one”?
  6. You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole
Some things in the book that may point to Eddie being gay

A bunch of people sent me asks and messaged me asking to make a post about the scenes in the book that code Eddie as gay. Of course, there’s nothing in the book that straight up says “Eddie is gay,” but there are some things that may imply it:

- The most talked about thing is Eddie’s encounter with the leper. This scene in the book is a bit different than in the movie in that instead of just chasing Eddie looking super gross and disease ridden, the leper in the book offers to give Eddie a blowjob. 

This, being Eddie’s biggest fear, can be interpreted in several ways. Of course, the most obvious is the leper itself represents Eddie’s fear of disease and dirtiness. He feels that if he touches it, he will instantly begin to rot from the inside out. However, the offerings of a blowjob at first for a dime and then for free not only shows Eddie’s fear of sex in general (with how much his mother likely repressed him sexually, but also instilled a fear of sex) but also of his fear of sex with men. 

- At a point in the book, Eddie talks about how he suddenly began fearing going to church and celebrating communion. He says this fear began after a story that his Sunday School teacher told, but it definitely appears to reach much deeper than that. 

He says that he feels “not worthy” and as though he’d be “damned to Hell” which he, seemingly, has no reason to feel that way. It seems as though he knows he’s doing something “wrong” in the eyes of God. 

- The very first thing we learn about Eddie when we’re introduced to him as an adult in the beginning of the novel is that he does not love his wife, and that she is nearly a carbon copy of his mother. It is made very clear that Eddie did not want to marry her, and that he only did so because he found the same comfort and safety in her that he found in his mother. This can easily be taken as him marrying a “beard” or a woman just to have a wife. 

- In general, Eddie’s mother is very repressing and homophobic throughout the book. That seemed to be obvious, but I just thought I’d make that point clear. That definitely would have added to his internalized homophobia as a child.

- Eddie has many notable similarities and parallels to Adrian Mellon, one of the only openly gay characters in the book. They were both described as fragile, and suffered from asthma.  

Another small thing to note between Adrian and Eddie is that they’re called the same nicknames Don Hagarty (Adrian’s boyfriend) and Richie respectively. 

- Eddie only talks about having a “crush” on a girl once, and when he described why he liked her he only described her physical appearance. This is typical for gay kids, who want to seem as though they are attracted to the opposite sex but can only describe why they like them in the most obvious senses: the way they look. 

- There are some weird sexual innuendo scenes between Richie and Eddie that King decided to put in for whatever reason. I made a post about it. Oh, and while we’re here, here’s my post about scenes with Richie and Eddie in book if you’re interested. 

- I don’t know if this would count as something pointing to Eddie being gay, but I wanted to include it anyways. During the sewer sex scene with Bev, Eddie is very much not consenting and seems very not okay with the whole thing. Here’s my post about this that I made a while back and want more people to notice. 

- In the miniseries and throughout the whole book, he’s often called a girly boy, a queer boy, a fag, etc. 

- Finally, Stephen King gave Eddie characteristics that are often stereotyped with gay men. He’s small, fragile, feminine, clean, and easily frightened. As always, I’m not saying gay men have these characteristics, they’re just characteristics that people stereotype gay men to have, including the other gay men that King wrote in this book and in others. 

Sorry this post is so long. I wanted to make sure I could add quotes and references to as many of these as I could to back up my claims. Please feel free to add anything else from the books/miniseries/movie/etc. that you think show this as well!

Quotes from Harry Styles’ Interview

Writing for his album

“I started the album end of Feb last year for about three weeks and then had to stop for about 5 months when I went to do a movie. I came back to it in July and finished writing it in December. For a while before all I thought about it was stressing about what it was going to be. It gave me a chance to completely step away from it for a bit and have a real break. By the end of the movie, because we were swimming so much I just wanted to write songs…I think we wrote about 70 songs - we did 50 songs and ideas in Jamaica and that’s including like little ideas. Well full songs, I say there are 30 songs probably. One of the songs on the album, I wrote a few years ago.”

On his album

“I was with the guys who I was writing it with and we just wanted to make what we wanted to listen to and that has been the most fun part for me about making the whole album. In the least weird way possible, it’s my favourite album to listen to at the moment… I hope we did a good job but I really like the album so I hope people like it. I think if you put out something that you don’t stand behind and really love, then if it doesn’t go well then you could regret not doing what you wanted to do. Whereas if nothing happens with it, I love it you know so I think that’s what you should do. I think that’s been my favourite part to the overall thing is listening to the album and making all the changes – it has been fun to watch over it all.”

Writing in Jamaica

“I just wanted to not be somewhere that I’d get distracted. It was 360 of writing, you’d go home for dinner, write at the house then go back to the studio. I liked being away from everything and doing it like that.”

About his debut single

“It’s a bit weird, I feel like I’ve been hibernating for so long now and you hear it in the safety of the studio and now it’s time to give birth … it’s the song (debut single) I’m most proud of writing.”

About making it on his own

“I’ve been hibernating trying to get it all ready, that’s been fun, but I like this bit as well. I think it’s gonna be fun, it’s gonna be good. It’s not like I’m travelling on my own now, I have a band and everything and they’re amazing.”

Ed Sheeran

“I played him (Sheeran) a few songs after the album was finished. He didn’t say that he didn’t like any, but he did like one song that isn’t on the album. So I did have a bit of a minute of like hmmm no but…”

On Adele

“I’ve spoken to her a little bit, she knows one of the guys that I wrote it with (his music) a lot. But I don’t think so much advice, I just like how she does stuff. I think she leads by example, she’s the biggest, she’s amazing, she’s the best so she should be the biggest. The thing with her is she’s a different thing, she’s just good at it, I like how she does everything, it looks very nice. For my 21st she gave me one of her albums 21 and said, ‘I did some pretty cool stuff when I was 21, good luck’ and I was like, 'geez’.”

On Dating

“I haven’t dated in a long time really because I went away to do the movie then did the album so I haven’t in a while. I have a couple of candles left still though. 

Whether dating when famous is hard

“I don’t know, maybe. I feel like with all of the stuff how people date now, with all online stuff, I feel like you can do that (Google) with anyone really if you’re looking at someone’s profile before seeing them. It’s kinda the same… No, I used to (research dates), then I said I’m not going to do that anymore, it’s impossible to go in without a perception of someone and you’ve never met them and I started feeling like that was wrong and weird. I think I snore, and also I quite like routine, so I don’t know if I’m ­incredibly spontaneous.”

Cutting his hair for Dunkirk

“I felt very naked for a while. I was like yeah, I’ve gotta shave my hair off. It wasn’t a hard decision, it got made into a wig.”

Why he rarely tweets

“I don’t like saying something for the sake of it.”

Life at home and work

“The first time I went home not wearing trainers, I was in a pair of boots. Someone said, ‘What the bloody hell are they?’ I like to separate working and being at home with family.”

Staying grounded

“It’s easier in the way that I like to separate stuff from working and being at home with family and stuff. When you separate it it’s easier to see it for what it is. When you let it become everything and that’s your whole life, then it’s easy to get a bit lost in it. I’m lucky, I have amazing friends and my family’s amazing so I think they make it easier to keep the separation between the two which makes it easier for me.”

Being nervous about playing his music to others

“I think it’s nerve-racking in that I’ve only played it to like 10 people in a room. I try and not be there if I’m playing it…”

His mother and step-father’s reactions to the album

“I played the album to them the first time and there’s one song that’s got a vocal effect on it, the whole album finished then my stepdad said: ‘I’ve one question, where did you get the duck from, how did you get a duck in the studio?’ I was like: ‘That was me, thanks’. My Mum liked it which was handy. She cried a couple of times which was good, I think that was good.”

Musical Influences

“I think it’s hard to not have influencers from what you grew up listening on. I think everyone reacts differently to different types of music. I had a good range between my mum and dad… my dad listened to Fleetwood, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd and Queen. My mum was like Norah Jones and Savage Garden. There are a lot of melodies there.”

Being starstruck by other celebrities

“I remember the first time we went to an awards show in the US, we met Will Smith. It was a brief meeting – he was nice and very tall.”

Addressing the rumour about getting a sheep placenta facial

“No I’ve never had a sheep placenta facial.”

Rumours about Hobama

“I’m not allowed to talk about that.”

Rumour on taking his dates on helicopter rides

“No I’ve never done that,” Harry says, with Grimmy responding: “Not even with Barack?”

“No,“ Harry says. “It was his helicopter, haha.”

Talking about Chris Martin

“He’s lovely isn’t he? He is good at telling you to take care of yourself. I think he makes sure you are alright and is very zen. I think he is a pretty wonderful man.”

On Ronnie Wood

“Big fan, I love Ronnie Wood – I think I met him at a dinner party a few years ago and went to a couple of Stones shows…I think he is the nicest.”

Interviewing Paul McCartney for his Another Man issue

“It was amazing – his voice sounds like a song.”

Loving scented candles

“I mean I think everyone loves scented candles. But I usually take one from home if I’m travelling.”

About sprouts being the new kale

“I went two days ago. I got some spinach, eggs, OJ, milk, turkey and some brussels sprouts. Hmm what else did I buy…oh some Crème Eggs. I like putting sprouts in a curry and I like sauteing them. I think they are going to be the new kale. I met [someone] and I asked her what she did and she said ‘I’m the PR lady for Kale’ and I was like ‘good job then.”

Talking about his four nipples

“Still got them, managed to keep them. Maybe I just hide them in limited edition albums, like golden tickets. I’ll hold onto them.”

Best trait

“Best trait I don’t know, it’s weird to pick your best, shall we go with the nipples thing.”

On where not to ask him for a selfie

“I think in toilets is the weirdest one. It’s happened a couple of times… When someone tries to shake your hand right after having a wee, ‘I might wash my hands first’.”

About Liam’s son and being a potential godfather

“I spoke to Liam and he’s loving it. He said it’s going really well and everyone’s great. So I’m very happy for him. I think it’s a roll of the dice, there are a lot of people Liam has in mind. I’m not going to add any extra pressure. If it came my way I would be honoured.”

Beanies and Negotiations (Part 2)

Originally posted by dailycwriverdale

Part one here

Anon requests: Could you PLEASE do a second part for beanies and negotiations?! I loved it!!

Another part for beanies and negotiations! Puh-lease

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description: Archie observes Jughead and (Y/N)’s relationship, and realizes it’s not just his beanie that Jughead lets (Y/N) wear

Warnings: none

Word count: 1,033

A/N: ah you guys I’m so happy you’re enjoying my writing! I wasn’t planning on writing a second part for this piece, but since it was requested I wrote it for you guys. I was also gonna queue this and have it published later, but I’m so excited for you guys to read this! Enjoy!


Although he and Jughead had recently hit a rough patch in their relationship, Archie Andrews considered himself one of Jughead’s closest friends.  He also liked to believe that he knew his friend pretty well.  So when he saw (Y/N) roaming the halls wearing Jughead’s beanie, he was ecstatic.  He rushed through the school to find his friend.  In the lounge, Jughead stood with his arms crossed and raven hair exposed.

“Dude!” Archie exclaimed as he sauntered over to Jughead.  “Finally!”

“What are you talking about?” Jughead questioned, eyes narrowed.

“(Y/N), of course!” Archie answered.  “You asked her out, right?”  Jughead shifted and uncrossed his arms.

“No,” he scoffed, but his voice wavered a bit.  “Why would you think that?”

“Because she’s wearing your beanie,” Archie stated like it was obvious.  “The last time you took that thing off is when you proposed to her when we were six.”

“We were six,” Jughead emphasized, slightly leaning forward.

“But you like her,” Archie said.  Jughead opened his mouth to reply, but no smart remarks came out.  Instead, he closed his mouth and looked away from Archie, sighing.  “Ask her out, man.”  Pursing his lips, Jughead shook his head and walked away.  Archie sighed and turned around, spotting Veronica and Betty waving at him.

“Archie!” Veronica called, beckoning him over.  He moved to the couch they were sitting at and stood in front of the two girls.

“Yes?”

“You’ve seen (Y/N) wearing Jughead’s hat, too, right?” she asked.  Archie nodded.

“I don’t get it though,” he said.  “He never takes that thing off.  I asked Jughead if he asked her out, but he said no.  I figured she’d be wearing it because of that, since last time she wore Jughead’s beanie-”

“He proposed to her,” Betty finished, and Archie nodded.  All three of them simultaneously sighed.

“God he looked so smitten yesterday,” Veronica groaned.  Archie sent her a questioning look.  “Betty and I were at Pop’s yesterday, and we saw Jughead and (Y/N) there.  She had stolen his beanie and he was trying to get it back, but he was enjoying it. I swear he could barely contain his smile.”

“Yeah,” Betty smiled in agreement.  “They’re both smitten.”


Archie, Betty, and Veronica thought that the beanie incident was a one-time thing.  However, they were proven wrong when they spotted (Y/N) sitting in Pop’s wearing Jughead’s jacket a week later.

“Hey, (Y/N),” Veronica greeted, sitting down next to her.  “Where’s Jughead?”

“Working at the drive-in tonight,” (Y/N) answered, smiling.  Betty and Archie slid into the booth seat across from them.  

“Is that Jughead’s jacket?” Archie bluntly asked.  (Y/N) looked down at what she was wearing.

“Oh crap!” she exclaimed. “I forgot to give this back to him!” Veronica smirked.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you holding onto it for a bit,” she laughed, causing (Y/N) to smile and nod.

“Why’d he give it to you in the first place?” Betty inquired.  (Y/N) bit her lip.

“We were walking home from school, and I had forgotten my jacket at home.  I was shivering, and Jug insisted that I took his,” she explained. Archie affectionately rolled his eyes, smirking.

“Smitten,” he mumbled under his breath.


The next incident was two weeks later at a football game.  (Y/N) had promised her friends that she would come to the game to support them, and she managed to drag Jughead along with her.  Archie smirked when he saw them sitting together in the stands, knowing that it probably wasn’t too hard for (Y/N) to convince Jughead to come.

After the game, (Y/N) and Jughead got off the bleachers and walked over to the field where Archie, Betty, and Veronica were standing.

“You guys were all great tonight!” (Y/N) complimented, beaming at her friends.  They all smiled in gratitude, when suddenly Archie furrowed his eyebrows.

“Is that-” he paused for a moment, contemplating how to phrase his question.  “Is that a new flannel?”  Betty and Veronica shot him confused looks, whereas Jughead and (Y/N)’s fidgeted as their cheeks grew red.

“Uh, nope,” (Y/N) awkwardly laughed.  “It’s Jughead’s actually.”

“What?” Betty and Veronica exclaimed at the same time.  Archie suppressed a smirk.

“It was raining before,” (Y/N) stated, and Archie noticed Jughead refusing to make eye contact with him, “and we got drenched because neither of us had an umbrella.  Jughead had a dry flannel and let me wear it.” She shrugged at the end of her explanation, playing with the sleeves of Jughead’s flannel.  Archie was tempted to ask (Y/N) why she didn’t just change into some of her own clothes, but he decided not to for her and Jughead’s sakes. Betty and Veronica shared a knowing glance.  Finally, Archie managed to catch Jughead’s eye.  He smirked and Jughead rolled his eyes, but the small smile on his face didn’t go unnoticed by Archie.


Archie would have completely missed the last incident if it wasn’t for Veronica.  Some weeks later they were sitting at lunch with (Y/N), waiting for Betty and Jughead to arrive at their table.

“(Y/N), that sweater is really big on you,” Veronica noted, critiquing her outfit.  “Please tell me you didn’t just buy that.”  (Y/N) smiled bashfully.

“No,” she responded, “I’ve had it lying in my room for a while.  Figured I should put it to use.”  Veronica scrunched up her nose.

“You shouldn’t have. Not to be rude, girl, but green is not your color.”

“Oh well,” (Y/N) laughed. “I’ll remember that next ti-”

“That’s Jughead’s, isn’t it?” Archie interrupted.  (Y/N) bit her lip and pulled the sweater sleeves over her hands.

“Maybe,” she mumbled, looking down into her lap.  Archie and Veronica smirked.

“You know what, (Y/N)?” Veronica said.  “Never mind what I just said.  That does suit you.”  (Y/N)’s cheeks grew bright red.

“Oh god, guys,” she moaned, but they could hear the smile in her face.  Jughead and Betty soon walked over to the table and joined the group.  During their lunch, Archie would occasionally glance over at Jughead and (Y/N).  He frequently saw one staring at the other.  Smiling at his friends, Archie couldn’t fathom how neither of them realize how smitten they were with each other.  

It all started with that damn beanie.

Part 3 here   Part 4 here

darling, I know you’ve been feeling down lately, so I wrote this really quick for you. I’m not sure what you had in mind, but I went to a 100 % unicorns place, so I hope this makes you smile a little.


A shadow falls across Stiles’ worksheet and he looks up to see Lydia, mouth pursed, staring down at him. She says, “What do you know about unicorns?”

“About as much as the average eleven year old boy,” he says, which is: not much. Horse-like, pointy horn, something to do with virgins.

Of course, he goes home and finds out everything he can about them immediately. Both because Lydia asked, and because now he can’t stop thinking about it.

Lydia has forgotten all about their conversation by the time he’s ready to dazzle her with his knowledge, so alas, his mad unicorn skillz lie dormant for years, until all the shit with the werewolves.

*

Stiles is cat-napping in a spill of sun when all his warmth is blocked—he makes an irritated sound and opens his eyes to find Derek looming over him, frowning.  Stiles kicks out a foot and rolls over onto his side in the grass.

Derek says, “What do you know about unicorns?”

Stiles yawns and says, “A surprising amount for a teenage boy.”

Keep reading

my what a guy, gaston!

okay so i know i already did one of these for beauty and the beast (for fuck’s sake shana write about some new fairytales why are you like this) but i listened to sam tsui’s cover of a tale as old as time and OH BOY, OH MY HONEY OH MY DARLING

okay, so in the very early stages of the original beauty and the beast, gaston was an aristocrat. that eventually got scrapped, but oh what if it didn’t

so say gaston is the son of someone very high up in the royalty chain, someone who’s parents are important enough that he spends an awful lot of time at the castle? and our prince adam isn’t really down with this whole ~being a prince~ thing, he’s a brat, like so many other kids are brats (but these kids don’t get turned into beasts by random witches, like i’m sorry but i’ll never not think that beast didn’t get the short end of the stick there) and so he spends the least about of time possible parading about with a crown on his head. he likes going outside, like riding his horses and playing in the woods, and all sorts of other things that make his parents shake their heads and despair at the inability to have another child, because their son is a small disaster.

and here comes gaston, who’s older and more long suffering. gaston in naturally dramatic, okay, he likes being flashy and fun and loud, all the things the son of a noble shouldn’t be. so by the point he meets adam he’s listened to his parents, folded himself up nice and tight into this quiet boy who just doesn’t want any trouble. adam loves trouble. if he can’t find it, he invents it.

so he grabs onto gaston like glue, and gaston is irritated, but he’s the prince, he can’t say anything or his parents will kill him. so he lets adam keep dragging him out horseback riding and hunting and rock climbing and all sorts of things little noble boys aren’t supposed to do. they spare, and no matter that gaston is bigger and older he never wins, adam always ends up pinning him to the ground with his arm to his throat and he’d more irritated about it if the prince didn’t look so delighted every time he won. adam loves all the animals that he’s not interested in eating, and gaston tries to point out that it’s a little weird how thrilled adam is to take down a deer when two minute later he’s trying to entice a wolf to come closer so he can pet it, and also holy shit adam that’s a wolf what’s wrong with you

adam loves his staff, the people who do their best to reign in this little terror but don’t try that hard, because the thing about bratty kids is that they’re rarely brats all the time, as an adult you swing between wanting to strangle them and finding them so adorable and charming your chest hurts. so mrs. potts indulges him, likes the way he’s only ever really patient while he’s playing with her son chip when he’s snuck into the kitchen to beg her for some extra cookies. lumiere and cogsworth are his tutors and spend more time arguing with each other than teaching him, and he’s delighted by that.

and so adam is this loud, exuberant little prince who slowly but surely picks at gaston’s barrier until gaston almost feels like himself again, and adam doesn’t do what his parents did. adam doesn’t make fun of him for how much he cares about his hair, about how he hates dirt under his fingernails. as long as gaston keeps following him into dangerous situations, adam doesn’t care about much of anything, and gaston loves him for it.

and gaston’s on the cusp of teenagerhood when he realizes he loves adam, the prince, this is awful and he immediately has a panic attack over it, he’s to be lord and adam is to be king, it will never work, oh, and adam probably doesn’t like boys, and – oh my god, all those schoolyard taunts about him being gay we’re right this is a nightmare.

he’d freak out about this properly and probably go charging to the castle to confess his love in true embarrassing 12 year old fashion – except his parents set him down, pale, and say, “they’re gone, they’re all gone, the king and queen were found dead and the prince is gone and now a monster lives in the castle.” and of course gaston takes this to the most logical conclusion – a beast broke into the castle, killed the love of his young life, and now he’s claimed the castle for his own.

this is gaston’s defining moment okay, this is the point where he snaps and never goes back. he rebels against his parents, refuses to fit himself back into the mold of the perfect son, tries to live his life like adam would have wanted him to. that means being exactly who he is and damn the consequences. he focuses on his hair and his clothes and his looks, he pursues hunting because it reminds him of adam, because so much of their friendship took place in the woods, covered in mud and laughing. he pursues hunting because, one day, when he’s the very best he’s going to go the castle and kill the beast that killed adam. and his parents are furious about all of this and they disown him in favor of his young siblings and he just. doesn’t give a shit.

so he moves to the town, and everyone loves him, of course they love him. he’s loud and arrogant, but – he’s not cruel. he’s beautiful and brings in more pelts and meat than any other hunter and gaston doesn’t miss the days of being a young lordling in the slightest. but girls keep throwing themselves at him and he doesn’t know how to keep refusing either outing himself or hurting their feelings, so he goes to belle. belle, who is every inch as pretty he is. belle, who is smart and quiet and kind in a reserved sort of way. if there’s anyone who won’t judge him, it’s her.

so he goes to her, and tells her the truth – that he only likes men, that he’s not interested in advertising the fact, and asks her to pretend to be his lady. and belle, kind sweet belle, agrees. she does it out of sense of duty to help those in need, because nothing she knows of gaston says she will enjoy this. but she’s proven wrong, because gaston was raised to be a lord of course he’s educated, just because he doesn’t really care about any of that stuff doesn’t mean he doesn’t know it. and belle can speak with him like she can no other, because gaston has more formal education than anyone else in this village. and to their surprise, gaston and belle become friends, become the closest of friends, and gaston hasn’t known this closeness since adam, although it’s different because he loves belle but he’s not in love with belle.

and one day belle and her father are out traveling and sudden snowstorm forces them into the castle. belle knows there’s some sort of monster that supposedly lives there, but it’s either the castle for refuge or dying of cold outside, so into the castle they go. and instead of a hideous monster there’s adam, the beast. he’s rude and gruff and calls them twelve kinds of idiots for getting caught in a snowstorm in the first place. he offers them a room before sulking back into his study, watching the last petal threaten to the fall from the rose.

the castle is so excited to have guests, to have a young girl that may be their saving grace, and beast doesn’t know how to tell them that he likes girls well enough, but the only person he’s ever loved is a prickly, stuffy little boy who used to wring his hands together whenever they went looking for wolves. the storm doesn’t abate, and belle and her father stay. beast likes belle, likes how much she loves his library and the courteous way she speaks to all his staff even tho they’re all furniture, and he wishes he could love her, she is a woman that deserves to be loved. but he can’t.

back in the village, gaston has had it. the beast took adam from him, and he wont allow that thing to take belle. he rallies the villagers and goes marching to the castle, determined to save belle and her father, determined to kill the thing that killed adam.

so they storm the castle and he and the beast fight. belle and her father rush forward to stop the rest of the angry village men, and belle is screaming at gaston to stop, that things aren’t as they seem. but he’s mad with bloodlust, with revenge, and he’s about to take the beast’s head off with his axe when the beast lunges and pushes him to the ground, pinning him with an arm to his throat. and the muscle memory is so sudden and visceral that gaston freezes and stares at the snarling beast and whispers, “adam?”

and the beast blinks, and pulls back a little, and goes …… “gaston!?”

literally everyone is so confused, but they only get more confused when gaston throws himself at the beast and there’s a rush of magic as the last petal falls and the spell is broken. gaston sees beast for who he really is, loves him wholly and completely in the way only children can, and the curse is broken.

so gaston goes from having the beast in his arms to having a man, and he kisses him, outing himself in front of the whole village and not caring in the slightest. “i’ve missed you,” adam says, reaching out a hand to cup gaston’s cheek.

his staff are people again, and the cloud of darkness that had fallen over the castle is lifted. the old and irritable third cousin twice removed who’d been running the country is more than happy to hand it back over to adam, so happy in fact that he doesn’t question anything about this incredibly weird situation.

gaston and adam were children with a children’s love, but as adam gets his castle and kingdom up and running again, gaston is there. and their love deepens, and strengthens, and becomes something much more real and true than it ever was before. and gaston knows he can’t keep this, that adam will need to take a queen and gaston won’t be able to be with him after that.

except no one told adam that, because he goes to belle who just, never left the castle because she likes it and it likes her and her two favorite people are here. and also they’ll pry her from that library over her dead body. “hey,” adam says, “so, i’m kind of the king now.”

“i noticed,” belle answers, and doesn’t look up from her book.

adam considers closing it, but also considers that he likes his hands attached to his wrists. “want to get married? we’ll need to produce an heir or two, but beyond that you’ll get all the books you want and a whole country to boss around.” one of the things adam had quickly learned was that belle loved bossing people around.

belle doesn’t look up from her book. he hadn’t honestly expected her too. “okay. I’m dating plumette. im going to keep doing that.”

“nice,” he says, because plumette is a lot prettier now that she isn’t a feather duster.

so adam find gaston and tells him that he’s marrying belle, and gaston’s whole heart breaks but it makes sense, adam and belle make sense together, and he wishes he could make himself hate either of them but he can’t because he loves them both. but then adam is talking about how belle will have the rooms next to theirs, and gaston should probably stop paying rent for his house in the village, he lives in a literal palace, come on now.

and gaston figures out that adam is planning to stay with him, that belle is his wife and queen in name only and and gaston will continue to be the one in his heart and in his bed. adam is talking about how they all really need to sit down and do something about the redistribution of tax revenue, and they should probably do it before the wedding because otherwise their subjects will only show up to throw fruit at them. gaston cuts him off by pressing his king and love of his life against the wall and kissing him breathless.

cogsworth and lumiere walk by and pause mid-argument to wolf whistle at them before continuing on their way. gaston and adam end up having to hold each other up as they laugh so hard they can’t breath.

and everyone lives happily ever after.


read more of my retold fairytales here

Homestuck Meta Theory

Alright, so I know there’s a lot of people disappointed with the ending, again, I sound like a broken record by this point. And don’t get me wrong- While I love the ending, I would still love to see more of the characters and the story! I just feel it’s a good end as it is. I’ve made a lot of theories about what the End means and everything about Act 7, but all of the things I said, about the Jujus, about becoming freed from Paradox Space, it made me think about the rest of the story, and I believe it has made my entire idea of what Homestuck is change.

So the big question here is, what IS Homestuck? Most people, including me, when talking to someone who knows nothing about it, will speak about the story, the 4 Kids playing SBURB, and the subsequent destruction of Earth. And then mention its huge amount of references towards programming languages, popular culture, storytelling in itself, and it’s self-referential nature. But this Ending has got me thinking that maybe the reason why so many people have been disappointed in the End is because they got Hussie’s intentions wrong.

We tend to reference how the humor and the nature of Homestuck’s narrative is a little extra onto the story, and while it is true the story itself and the characters have drawn a big part of the Fandom, I thought… What if the important part of the Narrative isn’t the Story, but the Meta elements.

As soon as I made connection, everything about the ending began to fall into place. I have commented before that I feel Act 7 is like being shown the Good Ending of a video game without seeing its Neutral Route. 

The Kids have Earth, and Juju Vriska uses manages to flip the ending so that instead of being trapped by Paradox Space’s rules…

They manage to ‘End’ the game properly and get their Happy Ever After.

All while Caliborn is shown getting his power of Immortality, and while we’re left ambiguous about what happens to Vriska and Lord English and everyone in the Dream Bubbles…

Another thing people have complained about is the Character Arcs.

They say how ‘different’ the timeline is. What was the point of Rose’s alcoholism if then Vriska just swats the drink away and it never had any relevance anymore? Terezi’s relationship with Gamzee never happened. Dave and Karkat got together? The Game Over Timeline is bad, everyone agrees that people dying is never good, but they also claim that suddenly having all that Character Development changed made them unable to relate to some characters anymore.

And of course there’s always the mention of how Vriska, even though she’s an abusive 8itch, ended up being somewhat of a heroine, or at the very least not seemingly getting too punished…

That’s where the Narrative itself told us there was something off.

DAVE: rose we dont have fuckin “arcs” we are just human beings

Many have mentioned it, about how not having a closure to certain character arcs referenced this portion, the notion that the characters didn’t have an arc. The same way she then references Jade breaking Endgame ships and such. Rose’s power is Light, and her information source comes from the same place as SBURB and Skaia. It’s a game. Of course she’d have the notion that all of them have to fit certain predisposed stereotypes or their stories have to follow a certain pattern- Rose is looking at their lives since SBURB started as it has been. A Story.

But Dave is having none of it. Dave is beyond the thought that all they do has to follow a set pattern, and claims they don’t have character arcs. This might sound like a clever device by Hussie so he didn’t have to explore more of each of these character’s lives and he could close the comic leaving some loose ends but, there’s more.

Hussie? As an entity? Exists within the story. This would be all fun and dandy if it were a couple of stupid references and memes. And that’s what many people think! Most of his appearances in canon have been a joke, really. But…

Hussie joked about his influence on the comic, when his bot-self was about to mess up with the Kids in the Yellow Yard, but eventually didn’t do it. And yet? His fight with Vriska. His interactions with Caliborn. Everything pictured above? Hussie is a physical entity that follows the same rules as everyone else in Paradox Space and can influence the story. But he’s not a self-insert. He IS the Author. He is the one who wrote every of these characters and continued the story. He’s not another character, he’s himself, in the Homestuck Universe.

And then it began to dawn on me, that perhaps the Meta aspect of Homestuck was a bit more than Fourth-Wall Breaking fun and references to real life stuff. Of course, this train of thought led me to another main plot device that has never exactly been explained to its full extent. Jujus.

There’s the Sucker…

The Crowbar…

The House Juju…

A lollipop that could change character’s personalities, making them immediately make up for aaaall of their mistakes without a care in the world, start alchemizing new weapons, and end up exactly where they needed to be.

A crowbar that can break other of these mysterious devices, and more importantly, has been shown to be able to interact with the Website itself, which seems to be its own physical entity as well!

A house that gave John the ability to change the story, and that ended up being used against the Big Bad of the entire comic.

A puppet that trapped the Souls of various characters and became the gateway for the Big Bad of the comic to become who he is.

A mysterious pair of rings that oh so conveniently appear and disappear on characters, and leave you wondering what they really do, but clearly shown to at least be able to revive someone who, by no other means in the story, would have been able to get back to the world of the living.

Jujus are mysterious, when you look at them from the perspective of the characters. They have no beginning, no end, they just appear at some point and do a loop through time, ending up exactly where they appeared first. They are powerful artifacts able to change reality itself, with no explained origin… But we are no characters. We have seen what these things do on the comic through its entire lengths.

Jujus are plot devices meant to alter the Meta of the comic. They are not things that make sense in a true physical reality. They are artifacts that alter the rules of the plot. Because that’s what the plot is. A story. Because Homestuck is not real, and it acknowledges this.

Or at least… It was supposed to acknowledge this. Many have also claimed that the last updates were so disappointing, compared to Cascade, as Cascade managed to solve so many plot points, but this last one felt empty of everything. Plot. Character Development. That’s where Jujus and Hussie come in.

Hussie dies, in his own comic, a comic that acknowledges him as the actual AUTHOR of the events taking place. And later, we see…

Caliborn, the young version of Lord English, acknowledging Hussie’s death, as he takes the rest of Act 6 and makes it his. Through the use of the Command Prompt, through his own drawings, he begins to write his own story.

[S] Cascade had so many plot points resolved, and these last updates didn’t. Because that is the point. Ever since Act 5 ended and Act 6 started, Hussie has begun to lose control of the story. He was killed by Lord English, the big bad, who also took control of the narrative. Vriska acknowledges a narrator speaking, and forces the narrative to shift back to her opening the Juju chest out of frustration. The command prompts, John’s retcons- At this point, Hussie is no longer in control of his characters.

The Game Over timeline was bad, but it felt like it had more Character Development. That is because it was a not-retconned Timeline. The characters had struggles, the plot moved on forward, some people was possessed, it was all prime material for a conflict and a resolution afterwards! But Aranea’s intervention made it a Doomed Timeline. A Bad End. We all know how Doomed Timelines work, so everything that happens there would have been totally irrelevant. But John didn’t want to accept that. Roxy was still alive, and sad. And Terezi wanted him to fix things up. So instead of acknowledging he was in a Doomed Timeline, like Roxy did? Roxy, who saw her mother-daughter die in her arms, and claimed there might be nothing left for them. And meanwhile, John just managed to get his powers ready, zapped back in time and solved everything.

New problems arose in the new Timeline, sure, but not as many. And a lot of the character arcs were suddenly shoved back. Rose no longer struggles with alcoholism, Karkat doesn’t chase after Terezi, and becomes Matesprits with Dave after mellowing down. Gamzee, one of the biggest dangers, is shoved back by Vriska until he’s barely relevant anymore.

And all of this might just be me trying to find an explanation to the sudden loose ends not being tied. But I think, all of this, was meant to express more than Hussie rolling the story back or changing the story to fit other things. No.

We go back to Dave’s words. We’re real people, we don’t have arcs. We are real people. In a comic, where the author is a character, and that always acknowledges it’s a comic? Dave saying they’re real people is big. It was taken as a joke, because they are characters, come on! Right? … Right?

Well of course they are. But that’s the thing. Up until Act 6, all of the various characters were nothing more than that. And even during the Game Over Timeline, they were nothing more than that. But Hussie’s death, the ghosts, no longer relevant, trying to fight back against Lord English? Caliborn’s acknowledgement of a story and trying to take control of it? And finally, John’s powers.

The House Juju gave John something more important than being able to change the Timeline.

The ability to make Selfcest canon.

Wait no- That wasn’t it.

The ability to alter the plot to his own whims.

John’s zapping doesn’t follow the rules of Paradox Space. It allows him to change the timeline as he wishes and it still be the Alpha. Not only that, but he can also warp out of the story itself, sending people and things to the background of the website.

It’s when Vriska starts to try and find this Juju that everything about the narrative begins to shift gears. John now can change the plot. Which means he is not adhering to the rules that bound them all anymore. He can go back, bring people who were dead back to life, save his friends, and aid them get a better ending.

And in this new timeline he’s changed? Everyone seems a bit different. They have gone through different things, and are as confused as anyone else about what is going on. This is the moment where these characters stop being characters.

This isn’t a story about Four Kids playing a Game, getting involved in Shenanigans and trying to live a happy ever after as villains try to plot on destroying them and reality. Homestuck is the tale of the characters from a webcomic, becoming self-aware, and escaping the grasp of the author and the narrative.

I don’t know if this is what Hussie intended, and if it is, at what point he planned to start leading the story this way. I might just be crazy and be reading too much into this? But as I see it? It closes every single loophole in this story.

Doomed Timelines are meant to be nothing. They are meant to fade, and not be relevant anymore. But the ghosts are having none of this. They WANT to be relevant in this story again. They create an army, and head off to defeat the biggest threat in the entire comic.

Caliborn knows reality itself isn’t as it seems, and tries to make his own story within it. He strives to become almighty, and then begins to destroy and rend reality itself so he can make way for his own rule.

Vriska knows she’s in a story, having interacted with the very Author and the command prompt! But she is not trying to change the story- All the opposite. Vriska follows the rules of the story, closes loopholes from what she has seen, but tries to be the one who causes everything. She wants to be in the spotlight of this tale. She creates Bec Noir just because she had seen it in her screen. And knowing this is a story, she goes off of her way to find methods to defeat each of these villains, at any cost. Because in a story, once she defeats these big, powerful foes, she’ll be a heroine, and everyone will regard her so highly, she’ll be over everyone else. Just like she wants.

John? I don’t think he knows he’s in a story. But he has the power to alter it. And after he begins to mess with the timeline, the rules of Paradox Space begin to shatter around him and his friends. Time loops, Rules, Plot, why would they care about how a story goes, if it’s not a story, it’s their lives. They just want to be happy and get away from this cycle of destruction and death.

I’d even go as far as to say God Tier Calliope knows this. If her Land and her Earth were anything like Caliborn’s, she might also been in contact with the command prompt. Perhaps the fact her entire mission was a self-sacrifice to collapse the Green Sun represented how she, too, saw Paradox Space as what it was- A construct that kept these characters trapped as that. Characters. And the only way to escape its grasp was the erase its very existence, using Lord English’s destruction to tear a hole through the comic, and destroy it.

In this way, everything that happens towards the ending makes perfect sense. There are hundreds, thousands, who knows how many timelines, in which every plot hole will be closed. But we’re not following these. It would be easy to cause, say, the Condesce to wake up. Because of her immortality curse given by Lord English. Or the Draconian Dignitary get to the Frog Lily Pad. Something happens, interrupts the kids from entering to the new Session, and bam! Suddenly more plot! Their entrance to the Universe is blocked. Terezi worries about Vriska, so they begin to plot a way to help her defeat Lord English. The black hole in the Session that likely leads to Caliborn’s land becomes relevant, and they all have a trip to beat up Caliborn. Something happens to Calliope, her ring has ended up in Caliborn’s hands as well, he traps the kids, the Alphas beat him up, all loops are closed, we have a bittersweet, predictable ending. And this has happened. In many timelines before. Over, and over. Perhaps the one we’re following isn’t even the Alpha, for that very reason.

But it doesn’t matter. I talked about how the Jujus were a way to alter the plot, and let’s go back to this, and look at my theory about the Kids Souls being Trapped for all eternity in this Juju. The moment Caliborn uses this Juju, he kickstarts the entirety of the rules of Paradox Space. These kids we follow through the story, are trapped in a plot, with rules dictated by narrative that they HAVE to adhere too.

Then the ghosts decide that this is bullshit, and that they, even after death, want to still be relevant. Instigated by Vriska and Meenah, and aided by Aranea’s mind control, they manage to find a way they can alter the plot once again, a Juju. John touches this Juju, and suddenly he gains the power to alter this plot as well, and begins his and his friend’s journey to escape the clutches of Paradox Space and the comic itself.

John was trapped in the house all along. So of course, shoving his arm through it? He managed to grasp at the other side. He got a taste of what it was to be free. And he gained the power of changing the plot as a result.

Then, Vriska becomes alive again. She’s relevant, and bashes down on her ghost self. Ghost self that had at one point tried to make herself relevant, even though since she’s dead she shouldn’t be. This way, Vriska proves that, while she acknowledges the story as a story, and wants to be always present and in the middle, she never sees it as something she has to escape. She has no character development, because now, in this timeline that John has changed, she’s free to do whatever she wants, she’s her own person without a character arc, but doesn’t find the need to become said person. She doesn’t want to change, she wants to keep following the plot, and take down the big bad.

So Vriska takes the house Juju from her alternate self, goes against Lord English, beats up the Author of the comic itself as a last Fuck You, and then uses the Juju towards him. And this is when Alive Vriska makes her big mistake. By following this plot, this story, the Juju house crashes behind her…

She’s on Lord English’s side of the house. Because both of them know the comic is just that, a story. He knows about the narrative, and the author. So he kills the author, and becomes the big evil that must be defeated. Meanwhile, Vriska knows about the narrative, and the author, so she beats up the author and tries to become the heroine.

Caliborn and Vriska could very well strive to break free of Paradox Space in other ways, but instead they do what they do best- Be themselves, and fuck shit up in the process. And it’s this mentality that in the end, as the House Juju appears, tells us that both of them have been doomed. Doomed to be trapped in this Collapsing Paradox Space there’s no escape from.

Except there is an escape.

Because the door opens. It opens for the Kids and Trolls on the lily pad. And it opens for the Ghost Army and everyone else in the Bubbles. These are people that have been living aside from the story for a long time. The ones that are alive in the Session have had John change everything and the events happening after make them question Paradox Space itself. And the dead ones or the ones just stuck in the Furthest Ring? They fear being forgotten. They fear being erased by the collapsing Paradox Space, and had faced Lord English to try and become relevant once more.

Of course Condy’s curse didn’t wake her up. Of course DD didn’t appear. The moment the Juju appears, the story is done. There is no more plot. Because it’s not a story. The ones wanting to follow the plot are now seeing it crumble, seeing everything end. And the ones that wanted to become relevant against Paradox Space- Why would they need to even follow the rules? They are trying to escape them.

The Plot Holes are part of the plot in itself. John and everyone else didn’t need to fill it up. Because they are not part of the story anymore. We didn’t see their character arcs close. Because they are not characters anymore. They are not characters anymore. They don’t need to show us they have grown- Or maybe they haven’t even grown. They are always growing, learning. But now, they have escaped this evil Universe that trapped them and forced into cruel and crueler situations. They have escaped to a peaceful realm. They don’t need to keep following the story. They are happy and free to live their lives however they want.

They are finally happy.

Let’s talk for a bit, because I’ve known about this for a while and I think now’s a good time to explain how I feel about using music not originally written for OC’s. This might be a lengthy read, because it’s personal. This vid was one of the first to use Tokyovania as Ink Sans’ theme.

I absolutely love when music can be associated with a character. I think it’s magical when a track makes you think of something you love or enjoy, and I love seeing messages or comments that I track I wrote would fit someone’s OC, because it feels special. Originally, this video was meant to be a tribute, with my track as the proposed theme, and I didn’t worry about it. After all, I didn’t write Tokyovania for Ink Sans, I wrote it for personal reasons, and I was sure most would understand that.

After a few months, it started to catch on for some reason that this indeed was written for him. A few other tribute vids were posted, and my name was nowhere to been seen as the artist of the track. On some videos, the name was also changed to Inklovania. The “Tokyo” was just erased, on a song containing the melody of “Tokyo Teddy Bear”, an incredibly special track I adored in 2014-2015. 

Back then I was in high school. It was me against the world, and I had two friends. Things became rough around September in 2015, and I’ll keep the events hidden because they’re not something I need a reminder of. By December I was alone, and I had nowhere to turn but to music. I walled myself off and focused on composing, and being quietly alone all the time eventually led to the idea of Undertronic.

It was around this time that I decided to compose a remix of Tokyo Teddy Bear, as it’s a song I associate with wishing I could be anywhere else when things aren’t great. Seeing as I was also remixing Undertale at the time, I thought I’d combine it with another track, as a particular character was also in the same situation as I was, in terms of emotion.

In short, it was a special little remix to me and it would stay that way until Ink Sans became involved. Like I mentioned, I love when others use my music for OC’s, but I started to realize there was something wrong when I was accused of stealing this theme from Ink Sans, that it solely belonged to him, that I didn’t write it and I was a terrible person.

And the list goes on and was almost constant. To many, I’ve been disregarded as the artist of the track because “It doesn’t matter who wrote it,” and nothing hurts more to a musical artist than having a personal song be taken, even accidentally, from you and it suddenly becomes something else. The meaning behind the song no longer matters, and no matter what I do, this song will always be known as his theme. 

It feels like a inconceivable back-stab knowing that literally millions believe this is his theme. I don’t even want to know how many would believe I stole the track from an OC, as if an actual artist doesn’t exist and the track magically created itself. Months went by, then a year went by, and I was very bitter about this track and the accusations I kept receiving. Finally I decided to write a response, and this response was “Tokyovania Control.”

I wrote in the description that I didn’t like the old Tokyovania. This is only partially true. I loved it for what it represented to me, I hated it for how I was being treated because of it.

If you may have noticed, I included new lyrics for Tokyovania Control. It was a slightly hidden, but direct message to how I felt, and it started at 0:53. Breakdown of the meaning is in the brackets.

How’d I get this feeling?  [How’d it come to this?]
I am running from this beauty,  [I am running from Tokyovania.]
Misunderstood or  [It’s been misunderstood what the track is about.]
Whom it’s made for?  [Who was the track made for? Even I’m not sure now.]
There’s no purpose,  [The song has lost its original meaning.]
Words are worthless.  [Explaining/arguing won’t do anything.]
Well, it’s still charming.  [I still adore the track though. It was special to me.]
I’d say “Sorry.”  [Sorry, it was my mistake to let harsh words harm me.]
“My mistake to let it harm me.”
“Pardon my writing.”  [Pardon my music, I’m sorry I got in your way, I should be thankful that this track is loved right? Indeed I am selfish for believing my name should be next to Tokyovania.]
Though it hurts, it still sounds special taken from me,
“Heh, oh well.”  [Though it hurts, Tokyovania still sounds special taken from me. There’s nothing I can do now, so oh well.]

It was hidden well, and I didn’t expect anyone to catch on. And I was right, no one figured out why these lyrics were added or what they meant.

So no, I still don’t mind when a track I write is used for an OC’s theme. I only mind when I become non-existent as the producer, because “Who cares who wrote it, just enjoy the music.” I also mind when I am repeatedly told my work doesn’t belong to me, and I’m a horrible person for stealing a theme that belongs to an OC.

It’s one of the reasons I tend to include signature melodies in my music now. I don’t want to be forgotten or disassociated with my work. I don’t want to be told I don’t deserve to be the artist. Is it annoying? To some it is, but it’s a hell of a lot better than going through another Tokyovania situation. Having a track recognized by millions as an OC’s theme scares me much more than having someone simply steal the track, and nothing is worse to a musician than being repeatedly told my work doesn’t belong to me anymore, it belongs to an OC, and I’m scum for thinking otherwise.

I suppose what I’m trying to say, is be careful when you decide to pick songs to represent OC’s or AU’s. You may think no harm will be done, but it’s impossible to tell if something will take off. I don’t think this has ever been discussed before. I haven’t seen any musicians write about this, or share their thoughts. But I am friends with many of the Undertale remixers, and it’s sad to see that this has also been happening to one of my best friends Kamex with his “Your Best Friend” remix:

His music is gorgeous. He’s so kind & doesn’t deserve to be treated this way. If the remix is titled “Undertale Remix”, that does not mean it is an AU Remix. It is a remix for Undertale. But because this theme was used in an AU theme compilation video, the track apparently belongs to Underfresh. Again, no artist apparently exists and track magically created itself. Even worse, he feels he needs to prove it, so far as to say he has the project files if he needs to show it. To some, he’s not even respected as the producer. If you understand how I feel with Tokyovania, you can imagine how he feels as well.

Even Inktale’s creator recognizes Tokyovania as a theme for Ink, though it’s probably accidental.

Which makes me feel even more guilty, because I hate bringing people down. And knowing this wasn’t written for the AU will probably be a disappointing let-down.

So that’s about it, I thought I might as well share my thoughts, now that it’s almost been a year since this has been going on.

On another note, I’ve been working on something for Dusttale and Outertale. The Dusttale track will probably be the next vid, I dunno.

[Edit: I took a look to see if there were any comments marked as held for review, and the first one I find is-]

[The word choice gets more colorful in there.]

A Life Less Ordinary by Jebiwonkenobi

It takes a few years but eventually they manage to agree on something; Derek Hale is an asshole, and Stiles Stilinski is in love with him.


Burn by night by thebrotherswinchester

Sheriff Stilinski has been kidnapped by Alpha werewolves. As bait. For his own son.


Cupboard Love by mklutz

He’s carefully balancing the sandwiches and the two biggest tupperware containers he could find that both had functioning lids when the front door opens and he almost drops everything right there in front of the stupid fountain.

If that’s Derek Hale, he’s definitely not a mountain man.


Daddy’s Do’s by apocryphal

“Hi Mr. Stilinski!” Lydia said pertly. “My name’s Lydia, and this is my daddy. His name is Derek Andrew Hale and he watches all of your videos on YouTube a lot, but he still can’t braid.”

[Stiles is a celebrity YouTube hairstylist. Derek may or may not have a crush. Lydia just wants a French braid for school picture day.]


Everything’s Better Under the Sea by tryslora

Everything changes when Derek goes under while surfing, hits his head on a board, and sees a man with a tail swimming away. He wants to know who that was, and what it has to do with Beacon Hills, the one place he never meant to come back to.

Keep reading

terpsikeraunos  asked:

Your Roman history posts are so great! I'm going to ask - why do you like Tiberius?

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE EMPEROR TIBERIUS. 

This is going to be long. All the references are off the top of my head (as in, I remembered the Latin phrase so I could ctrl+f to find it) so I haven’t included some but I hope this will do, if there’s anything anyone would really like me to prove then let me know and I’ll find it XD

  • Tiberius did not want to be emperor
  • Tacitus described Tiberius (Annals 1.80) as ‘talented and intelligent, but paralysed by lack of confidence’ (that is a loose translation of a single phrase, based on Tacitus’ overall portrayal)
  • Tiberius was emotionally abused by his family all his life. He spoke slowly, and walked quite strangely, and dressed quite unusually; Suetonius records that Augustus, ‘as if to excuse Tiberius but really to mock him’ said in the senate, ‘They’re not vices of personality, they’re defects he was born with.’ (Suetonius, Tiberius 68)
  • Augustus forced Tiberius to divorce his wife Vipsania, whom he truly loved and who was pregnant with their second child, and marry Augustus’ own daughter Julia to keep things in the family and present a pair of power couples [i.e. Augustus & Livia, Tiberius & Julia] to the gossip-loving Roman people (Velleius, Roman History 2.96; Suetonius, Tiberius 7; Dio, Roman History 54.31; Tacitus, Annals 1.12). Vipsania miscarried their child. When Tiberius next saw her, he broke down in the street and ran after her in hysterics. (I don’t think I can overstate how public emotion, especially public demonstration of love for one’s wife, was Not a Roman Thing to Do.) Augustus had Vipsania married to one of his (Augustus’) aides and took measures to ensure Tiberius never set eyes on her again.
  • Two years after Tiberius’ divorce from Vipsania, Tiberius’ beloved younger brother Drusus was mortally wounded and Tiberius journeyed from Rome to Germany in two days and one night to be at his side when he died, and then walked the body all the way back to Rome. In Lament for Drusus, attributed to Ovid, the speaker describes the funeral at which the people ‘beheld [Tiberius] utterly unlike himself — dazed and sobbing, his face ashen with grief’.
  • Another two years later Augustus tried to make Tiberius his co-ruler. Tiberius suddenly asked to retire to study in Rhodes. Augustus refused. Tiberius attempted suicide (Suetonius, Tiberius 7). (I put this in bold because scholars have spent years arguing over why Tiberius asked to go to Rhodes. I don’t understand what the issue is. Suetonius, for once, spells it out.)
  • Tacitus, Annals 3.56 writes ‘Augustus was confident in power because he knew he was great, and he knew that Tiberius wouldn’t abuse the power of the emperor either, because Tiberius had a low opinion of himself.’
  • When Augustus died, Tiberius, while reading his will in the senate, broke down in the middle of it and said he wished he was dead (Suetonius, Tiberius 23).
  • The senate tried to make Tiberius accept sole power. Tiberius tried to get out of it, begging for help and saying that he lacked the self-confidence and the mental strength, but the senate pretended to think he just wanted their approval. Tacitus says (Annals 1.11), ‘The senate’s greatest fear was that they should seem to understand his meaning.’

So Tiberius did become emperor, and then what? According to the conventional picture of Tiberius (exemplified in I, Claudius), he went off the rails and turned into a bloodthirsty, sexually depraved monster because of all the above trauma. Is that what happened? NO.

  • As soon as he became emperor he immediately abolished Augustus’ private council and insisted that all proposals be taken to the senate. Sallustius Crispus (son of the historian Sallust), who had been Augustus’ legal advisor, had already told Livia ‘not to let Tiberius dismantle the foundations of monarchy by letting the senate decide everything’ (Tacitus, Annals 1.6).
  • He intervened on several occasions to stop an execution ordered by the senate, and when the senate executed someone while he was away, he introduced a statutory ten-day delay between sentencing and execution to allow for appeals.
  • He instituted one of the ONLY sensible financial policies in Rome’s economic history since Mithridates of Pontus fucked up all Rome’s shit in the 80s BC. (I don’t know jack shit about economics but source)
  • He personally remunerated all the victims of any natural disaster that happened during his reign (earthquakes, fires, etc).
  • He dedicated only a few buildings (dedicating buildings was something rich Romans did to assert their power over the populace and make themselves look good) and one was a public museum (which was still quite a new thing) dedicated to marital and family solidarity, on the site where the ancestor of Julia’s chief lover was murdered, inscribed with his own name and the name of his brother who had been dead for 20 years… (Dio 55.27)
  • …but he undertook more building works than the record tells us, because he restored several public buildings but left them in the name of the original dedicator (i.e. he declined to take prestige away from other families).
  • He went out of his way to promote senators of non-traditional backgrounds, even though he was from a privileged family himself (unlike Augustus, who was from an obscure family but promoted people from privileged families)… (Tacitus, Annals 13.21)
  • …and he told senators of traditional backgrounds to fuck off if they spent all their money on parties and expected to get it back from the public treasury just because their family was famous. (Tacitus, Annals 2.38)
  • After his divorce from Julia he never remarried. He supported the careers of the sons that his first wife, Vipsania, had with her new husband (even though the new husband liked to taunt Tiberius about their marriage, which even Tacitus admits was cruel), and when Vipsania died he had her buried in the imperial mausoleum.
  • Despite public insinuations, Tiberius actually had a very good relationship with his heir Germanicus, who was the son of Tiberius’ brother Drusus. Tiberius wrote Greek poems and Germanicus translated them into Latin. Tiberius trained Germanicus as a soldier. When Germanicus died, Tiberius wrote a verse elegy for him and ordered that he be honoured on the same level as the adopted sons of Augustus who had died young also. He didn’t appear in public (which led to the populace saying he had Germanicus murdered…) but he insisted on going to the senate, and the senate published a decree (the SCPP) which basically said that seeing him in such an awful state was embarrassing them.
  • Tiberius fired provincial governors who tried to exploit their subjects or didn’t respect the local customs, and he arranged the administration of the provinces to make life better for the people who lived there (which pissed off the senators back home who thought all non-Romans were second-class citizens). (You can read about how great the provincials thought he was in Philo’s Embassy to Gaius)
  • He refused to engage in offensive wars, and any wars that were going on before Augustus died, he ended them by diplomacy. (I can’t remember where but Tacitus says that Tiberius was very proud of his record for diplomacy)
  • He refused (unlike… oh, every other emperor ever) to be worshipped as a god. He said, ‘No one is allowed to set up a cult in my name unless I give permission. I won’t give it.’ (Dio 57.9) He also said, ‘[I don’t want a temple, that shit is pointless because] only monuments in the heart last forever.’ (*melts*) (Tacitus, Annals 4.38)
  • He said to his (biological) son Drusus, ‘You will never break the laws or commit violence against anybody while I’m alive, and if you try it, you won’t do it when I’m dead, either.’
  • He was constantly subject to extremely cruel insults from his stepdaughter Agrippina (daughter of Julia) who even wrote a pamphlet about how awful he was, but most of the time he just listened to her in silence and then walked away. On one occasion she screamed after him, ‘Who do you think you are? Don’t you know I’m related to the divine Augustus?’ Tiberius said bitterly, ‘Do you think you are wronged because you don’t rule, child?’ (Suetonius, Tiberius 53; Tacitus records this somewhere too)
  • He was offered an ovation (celebratory pageant) when he took a tour of the local area, and he responded, ‘Do you think I need to be congratulated for that? Do you know how many wars I won when I was younger?’ *cracks knuckles*
  • He spoke Greek so well that sometimes he wrote Latin according to Greek grammar rules and once he issued a public apology because he’d accidentally put a Greek word in an official edict because he couldn’t think of the Latin equivalent, and he got a group of senators to consult a bunch of dictionaries to find one (Suetonius, Tiberius 71).
  • He, alone of all the Julio-Claudian emperors, was never accused of using his position to blackmail women into sleeping with him. In fact there is only one credible sexual allegation made against Tiberius: that he enjoyed performing oral sex on women (Suetonius, Tiberius 45 although it’s quite difficult to work out what is meant here, I read it in a book on Roman sexuality).
  • He refused to introduce anti-freedom-of-speech or blasphemy laws; he said ‘insults to the gods are the gods’ concern’ (Tacitus, Annals 1.73; incidentally, he was the emperor during the lifetime of Jesus, who said more or less the same thing).
  • He blocked an attempt by the senate to punish people who accused senators who were later acquitted, in case fear of punishment made real victims too scared to come forward.
  • He refused to let crimes against his family be treated differently from crimes against anyone else, and if anyone tried to prosecute someone for insulting him, he dismissed the case.
  • (He tried to listen to petitions with a blank expression so he remained impartial, but once after a particularly long day, someone tried to prosecute a citizen for putting up a second-hand statue of him, and he suddenly got up and screamed ‘ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS’, which scared the shit out of everyone and gave him a reputation as a tyrant) (Tacitus, Annals 1.74)
  • He attended the courts and ‘his presence meant that justice increased but the senators’ prerogatives were restricted’, grumbles Tacitus, a senator (Tac. Ann. 1.75). (If a senator prosecuted someone and won, the senator got that person’s property.)
  • He was bombarded with whiny messages from senators and his response (Tac. Ann. 6.6 and Suet. Tib. 67) started ‘I am surrounded by idiots’ in such elaborate and obscure language that it took 2000 years for anyone to understand what he meant.
  • He stopped public gladiator shows because he disliked gratuitous violence. His idea of a good time was holding dinner parties for his friends (soldiers and Greeks, people that most rich people scorned) and asking them really obscure questions about his favourite books (Suetonius, Tiberius 70).
  • Again when his son Drusus died, Tiberius continued to attend the senate, and the senators tried to make him go home because they were embarrassed, but he said, ‘I just can’t stand to see people crying all the time. I find solace by burying myself in work.’ (Tacitus, Annals 4.8)

I haven’t actually answered the question: why do I like Tiberius? Because he gave up everything he ever wanted so that his talents could be used for the good of Rome. Because he could not stand the abuse of power. Because he used his power to help deserving people of lower birth who could not succeed because they lacked connexions. 

Because he found it hard to get out of bed in the morning and yet he fought and fought and fought to make Rome a better place for ordinary people. He never wallowed in self-pity or made it about himself, he just kept going. He was not comfortable in social situations (the clearest occasion is when someone approached him suddenly and he panicked so badly that he fell over) and on several occasions he had minor breakdowns in public and yet he kept going. On several occasions he tried to tell the senate he wasn’t well enough to rule on his own, and the senate just mocked him and said he was being an attention-seeking hypocrite (e.g. Tacitus, Annals 4.8-9). I just can’t imagine what it must have been like to go through that when everyone in the city was looking at you. He showed immense bravery and dignity in the face of a callous and uncomprehending senate. He was too good for them.

Because he said (repeatedly and in many different ways: see e.g. Tac. Ann. 4.38; Suet. Tib. 59; Velleius 2.115), ‘I don’t care what people think of me as long as I know I’ve done the right thing.’ 

Because he never wanted honour for himself; ‘I ask the gods to give me peace of mind, and when I am gone, I ask my peers to think of me with a smile.’ The latter I can do.

i like you (this is a problem)

“Here’s the thing-” Lily said, marching into the pub and pulling out a stool.


“We’re closed.” James interrupted without looking up from wiping down the bar.

“I want a dog.” Lily barrelled on without hearing him. “But my landlord doesn’t allow pets so I was wondering-“

“I’m not getting a fucking dog for you.” James said firmly.

Lily blinked at him. “I was going to ask if you thought it was morally wrong to raise it in my air-vent.” There was a silence. James was caught between hoping she wasn’t serious and knowing that she was. “Your idea seems better.” Lily admitted.

“Really. Talk me through that, is it because there is no animal abuse involved?”

“I was thinking more along the lines of then you’d have to clean up the poo, but the no animal abuse is also good.”


“Y’know” Sirius was lying on top of the bar, waving around a beer and staring at the ceiling. Nobody looked up. “I always thought once we owned a bar we would spend a solid 60% percent of our time drunk, and that hasn’t happened.” 

Remus, still wiping down tables, said “I shudder to think what you’d be like on your own.”

“Since we bought the bar we spend more time drunk than we used to?” Peter consoled, baffled.

Sirius sat up. “I would say we spent about 15% percent of our time drunk before the bar, and after the bar we spend about 25%. That is an increase of only ten percent.”

“Where are you pulling these numbers from?” Lily asked while holding the ladder for James, who was avoiding the dishwasher by pretending to fix the squeaky window.

“On top of being an excellent barman I double as a statistician.”

“You are neither of those things.” Remus said. Sirius glared.

“Fuck you Moony. At school you were always saying I didn’t do enough math, and here I am, doing math, and you’re abusing me.”

Remus threw a dishtowel at him and gestured to the kitchen. “Go unstack the dishwasher.”

“Fantastic.” Sirius said, throwing his hands in the air. “This is what I get for my brief foray into math. Insulted and unloading dishes.” He jumped off the bar and mockingly gave Remus’ back the finger. James laughed.


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Pool balls and underpants

Summary: Bucky offers to teach you how to play pool, but he ends up in a slightly awkward predicament.
Characters: Bucky x Reader
Warnings: Language, lots of innuendos, Bucky being little shit
Story prompt: “I made the mistake of thinking ‘This can’t get weirder.’ Sorry.”

A/N: First time I’ve done a writing challenge of any kind, thanks @jurassicbarnes​ for letting me take this one!  I haven’t written anything fluffy in awhile, this felt necessary, and it may require a smutty style follow-up. Also, while I may be a complete shit talker IRL, I am terrible at pool and don’t know what I’m doing, so hopefully this makes sense. And I really need to find someone to edit my wordy ass…

A/N 2: Oh look, I wrote a sequel. Another kinky wager.

MASTERLIST

Originally posted by go-fandom-imagines

It was a little known fact – you adored dive bars. Everything smells musty? Great. All the tables feel sticky? Perfect. The decor resembles a 1970’s porn set? Bitchin.

It was a complete contradiction to your work persona. Your name was uttered in hushed, reverent tones in the halls of the Avengers compound, commonly followed by the phrase ‘that woman gets shit done.’ Frankly, you worked your ass off to get to this point, so the satisfaction of being known as the one who was always cool, always calm, always poised – it was a heady feeling.

It’s because of your rigid work environment that you gravitated toward the local bar. It was one place you could let your guard down, unwind and relax. Distancing your professional and personal life was a necessary ingredient in your sanity, a dichotomy you actively encouraged.

And then one day out of nowhere, Bucky Barnes swaggered into your life.

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One-Up (1253 words)

The first time it happens he almost forgets about it afterward – how couldn’t he with Cas dying. But now that he thinks about it he distinctly remembers the way the words slipped from his tongue, the way he desperately tried to put them back in.

… devastatingly handsome friend…” – yeah, he had fucked up then. Thankfully, no one had said anything, and he wouldn’t be Dean Winchester if he couldn’t bullshit his way through, pretending to actually be Cas’ wing man.

It was almost a blessing that Cas was busy dying that evening because the thought of him hitting up with Mandy still leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

The next time it’s at a restaurant and the waitress is obnoxious and weird and definitely not cute, so he has to say something, right? Right?

“Want some dessert, sweetheart?” she asks, her eyes never once leaving Cas.

“Actually, he doesn’t need dessert, he’s already sweet enough,” Dean answers for Cas and takes pride in the way her smile falters for a moment. Sam doesn’t comment, so Dean takes it as a success. 

(And if Cas complains on the drive home that he actually wanted dessert, well, that’s not his fault.)

After that, it’s a competition, a compulsion, to indulge in the flirtations only for as long as it takes to make it clear that Cas is his. Not that he is, not really, but no one needs to know that.

It’s not like Cas will ever see these women again. Really, he’s just doing him a service because Cas certainly doesn’t want to have regrettable one night stands right? Right.

Dean comes across as an asshole more times than once, but he doesn’t care. The incidents are numerous, both a reminder how hot Cas actually is (not that he particularly needs one) and a reminder how much fate hates him.

“Hey, beautiful, what can I bring you?” – “Well, my stunningly beautiful friend here” (the emphasis is important) “Likes his coffee black, as I would know.”

“Care to show me where you got that tie from? And maybe wanna show me how to put it on?” – “Actually, if you want to know, I put it on for him, every day, thank you.”

“Hey, you think you could give me the phone number of your sexy friend over there?” – “Sure. It’s 1234-FUCKOFF. Want me to write it down?”

Okay, that last time had been at a bar, with Cas and Sam sitting on the far edge in a corner booth, and that was probably better for all because no way he could have spun that into just a snarky remark, a humorous attempt to one-up her. Not that he wanted to, what did the bartender think she was?

The next time, the waitress doesn’t back down. It’s on the time they walk into the bar; he can see her watching Cas hungrily and coming over almost immediately after they sat down.

“Hey guys,” she waves at them before turning her attention completely on Cas. “What can I get you, sugar?”

“Coffee, black, no sugar. At all.” Dean doesn’t even try to hide his discontent.

“Oooh,” she says and pretends to adjust her name tag – Mandy, another proof that fate was out to get him –, effectively pushing her breasts out of the shirt. Or maybe that’s just his jealousy, who knows. Bottom line, she’s definitely attractive and he prays to God that Cas isn’t interested.

“I see now,” Mandy continues. “You need something else to sweeten up your day, right?”

Cas’ first instinct is to look at Dean, bless him, so that gives Dean the chance to retort: “Oh no, he’s already sweet enough. More and he’ll get diabetes and you don’t want that, right, honey?” His voice is dripping with sarcasm now.

Sam clears his throat. “I want – ” he starts but Mandy interrupts him.

“Why don’t we let your friend” (and this emphasis was clearly uncalled for) “decide what he wants?” she asks sourly.

Still none the wiser, Cas looks at the menu and up to Mandy. “Dean is right, I don’t like sugar in my coffee,” he says. Sam snorts.

This isn’t the end of this – far from it. Every time she comes back, she has another cheap flirtation on her lips and every time Dean has to scramble up the best retorts. It’s getting annoying and, frankly, frustrating, because by now she must have realized that Cas is taken?

(Well, not taken, but definitely not available.)

But she seems completely unfazed and, Dean is sure of it, almost fascinated by the competition. The worst part is at the end; she brings them two bills – Sam and Dean together, Cas’ coffee on a separate one – and even from across the table Dean can see that she wrote her number down on it, complete with a heart and all.

Hey,” he says before he can stop it.

“What?” she asks innocently. “Did you guys want separate bills, too?”

“No, actually, I wanted to pay for Cas’ coffee.”

“Oooh,” she says for the second time in the day and Dean feels the urge to slap something, a brick wall, a pillow, a kitten, something. She taps her finger against her cheek, seemingly trying to understand the situation. “So you bring a chaperon to all your dates? That’s not classy.” She winks at Sam and lays down the other bill in front of him.

Well, if she thinks that insinuating he’s gay is going to make him back off then oh boy she’s got the wrong target. Right now, Dean is so fucking exasperated that she’s still trying to get in Cas’ pants that he would scream ‘I’m fucking gay for Cas’ from the roof tops, so he almost shouts: “Oh, no, no such thing. We’re well past the dating stage, sweety.”

Which is the stupidest thing in the history of stupid things he’s ever said – because that’s not innuendo, that’s not even remotely true, and he can feel Sam roll his eyes and say “Dude!” at the same time that Cas tilts his head to look at him confused.

At least that makes Mandy shut up, if only for a while until she regains her snark and says: “Must be one hell of a relationship then where you don’t even kiss each other one time in two hours.” 

(Which, true, he should have thought that through.)

 “So if you’re interested in…  pursuing something better for you, I’ve got just the thing,” she continues, tapping on Cas’ bill and that’s enough, that’s fucking enough, he’s had it with this bullshit, so he stands up and runs the two steps to Cas’ chair, violently jerking him upwards and planting a kiss on his mouth.

He can hear Sam mumbling and Mandy exclaiming ohmygod and also, most importantly, he can hear Cas sighing and feel him smiling and deepening the kiss, and – ohmygod, they’re actually kissing, and his anger dissolves almost immediately. Cas is kissing back and he seems happy and right now, Dean couldn’t care less about Mandy and Sam and all the other customers who are probably wondering what the fuck just happened.

They break apart after what seems like an eternity and Dean can’t hide his smug grin. Sam’s face is buried in his hands and Cas calmly puts a few bills from his pocket on the table. “I’ll pay for both. Keep the change.”

Fuck, Cas is actually almost as sassy as him, and that just makes Dean love him even more.

We Knew It!

Harry Potter Finally Owning up to Dating Draco Malfoy?

                Harry rolled his eyes at the latest cover of the Daily Prophet. Yes, he and Draco were seen a lot together but that was because they were friends. Friends. Nothing more.

                For years the media has been telling the whole wizarding world that there just had to be something more going on between the two of them. Despite the fact that since they have left school, nearly five years ago, both of them have had different partners.

                Thinking about the blonde always brought a smile to his face, they had made an unlikely friendship during their eighth year and it held strong since. Draco was honestly one of his best friends. The man had seen him through depression, breakups and many self-doubts.

                A whoosh in the distance let him know that someone was coming through his floo. He already knew that it would be Draco. The blonde was the only one who never bothered with niceties and being polite enough to give notice.

                Harry checked the time as a very disheveled Draco came into his kitchen. “Either your blind date when very well or very bad.”

                Draco glared weakly as he threw himself into a chair. “It was bloody awful. Worst date I have ever been on in my life.”

                The exaggeration had Harry rolling his eyes as he peered at his friend in curiosity. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

                “Oh, it was.” Draco argued as he closed his eyes and wished to vanish into thin air. “It went so awful that I have decided to become celibate and adopt hundreds of animals to appease my lonely, bitter heart.”

                “You hate animals.”

                Draco opened one eye. “Don’t ruin this for me.” He smiled when Harry let out a heavy sigh.

                “Tell me what happened.”          

                Despite it being a blatant demand, Draco sat up and admitted defeat. “It’s horribly embarrassing.” He warned.

                Harry smirked widely. “Good. I am in need of something to cheer me up.”

                “Why am I friends with you?” The question was worded as if Draco himself had no idea.

                “Merlin, I have no clue. I wonder that myself sometimes.”

                Draco rolled his eyes as he chose to ignore this completely. “Pansy is never to be trusted again when it comes to picking out someone of interest.”

                This wasn’t news to Harry. He himself had gone on a blind date the woman set up for him and that hadn’t been a good idea. Not at all. He was beginning to wonder if she did it on purpose.

                “The guy was decent looking enough.” The reluctance was thick. “That is if one is to ignore the blindingly bright smile that never left his face and the overly happy eyes.”

                Harry bit his lip to stop from laughing. Figures Draco would find a happy person undesirable.

                “I wasn’t really feeling the date too much but I was still willing to give it a chance. Even after he took me Marquis.”

                That had Harry wincing slightly. He knew that Draco abhorred that place. The blonde said it was a knock off of true ambiance. Somewhere only desperate people went to.

                “The conversation left much to be desired but I knew he would probably be somewhat decent in bed.” Harry snorted loudly.

                “But this all went to shite when our waitress recognized me.”

                Draco watched concern flitter across Harry’s face and he smiled softly in response. “Oh, not because of being an ex-Death Eater, mind you.” He paused to shake his head. “She recognized me as the ‘true love partner of Harry Potter’, that was a direct quote, by the way.”

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Never have I ever - Dean Winchester x Reader

Title: Never have I ever

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: It’s a dirty version so I guess you can imagine, but also lots of fluff

Imagine: Imagine playing a game of ‘Never have I ever’ with Team Free Will which leads to things being revealed from a certain hunter you’ve had feelings for very long.

A/N: Yall I wrote this so long ago that I can’t even remember. Now I am seriously in need of some Sam and Cas lovin’ but all that once requests open!

“Alright, alright I think I might have a good one. Never have I ever-” you smirked as you looked around you from Sam, to Cas and then your green-eyed crush Dean “-called someone the wrong name during sex.” you smiled as Sam chuckled.

“I have never.” Cas said simply “And I still don’t understand what is the purpose in talking during-”

“Cas!” you cut him off sharply with a chuckle following “It’s just- just answer the question. I’ll explain it all to you later when we’re alone.”

“You’ll what?” Dean exclaimed, his eyebrows shooting up as you smiled softly to yourself at how it always got to him like this. Maybe you weren’t a thing and maybe you had no idea about his feelings for you yet but seeing him have small bursts of jealousy like this made your heart flutter.

“Relax, Winchester. I’m not gonna corrupt him.” you shook your head.

“Anyway-” Sam cleared his throat, giving his brother a look as Dean relaxed visibly relax but still give a warning look to the blue-eyed angel “I have never, either. You?”

“I have never.” you said, shaking your head “Dean-o?”

“I-” he started, shifting uncomfortably in his place and giving his brother a hard glare when he saw the smirk on his face. Was it a knowing smirk?

“I have.” he sighed, shrugging and your eyebrows shot up as you smirked interested.

“Oh do tell? Which girl and what name?”

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Each tattoo is a story - Batmom x Batfamily

Good idea. I wrote it in the very short free time I had available today, hope it’s still ok, and that you guys will  like it

Awesome fan art of this story here : clickclickclick by the awesome @bipolarink

My masterlist blog : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com

_________________________________________________

It’s Tim, who wondered about it first. 

You guys were all coming home from a (rare and peaceful) day at the beach, when he noticed it. And curiosity got the best of him.  

Of course, you’ve always had a lot of tattoos even before you became his mother. It was so normal for him, so part of…You, that he never even wondered once what they meant.

Until that day.

Until he noticed a small symbol on your ankle, surrounded by bigger designs that attracted all the attention. And it surprised him so much, that he just had to ask you. He resisted the urge to ask you right away, thinking it was none of his business but…it was too much now. He couldn’t stop himself. And as all the family is helping Alfred putting away their beach stuff, Tim cracks. 

You noticed him staring at you for a while now, so you were expecting a somewhat personal question (which never bothered you, why would you have secrets for your own family ?). But nothing really prepared you for what he was about to ask : 

-Mom…Why do you have Superman’s symbol tattooed on your ankle ? 

Bruce freezes. Your other boys are suddenly very attentive, and Alfred…Oh bless Alfred, he couldn’t help but smile because he thought that the way Bruce tensed up each time the word “Superman” was uttered was just the cutest (they all knew by now, that you and Clark used to date). 

Your husband turns toward you and, his brow furrowing, asks : 

-…You have a Superman symbol tattooed on your ankle ? I never noticed…

-You should have had, you often kiss it when we…

-OH PLEASE MOTHER ! No details about anything regarding your intimacy with father please. Just tell us why you have a Superman tattoo…Please. 

You chuckle a bit at your youngest son’s comment, but your gaze doesn’t leave Bruce’s, and you smile at him…it’s not a mocking smile, far from it, and he relaxes. You’re not going to tease him about Clark once again (ever since he discovered you had a thing with him, one of your favorite past time was to make comments about it, just to provoke a reaction in him…and oh a reaction it provoked each time alright…a very nice and pleasurable reaction you might say). 

But you’re in no mood to tease him on the subject, especially since you had such a pleasant day and you just don’t want to ruin it by making him grumpy (even though he never stays grumpy very long once you manage to get some time just you and him). Besides, you can see it kinda disturbs him that he never noticed this particular tattoos…He thought he knew your body by heart ! And yes, he did kiss your ankles more than once so…why did he never notice it ? If you could read his mind you’d tell him that maybe, he was always a bit too busy to actually pay attention to that minuscule tattoo. 

To be honest, you’re quite surprised Tim saw it…Bruce was right. That boy really was the most observant and smartest you’ve ever met. You were pretty sure that he even surpassed his father in that area and…the fact he noticed that tattoo while Bruce had your ankles right in his face more than once proves it (oh the number of time your ankles ended up on his shoulders, and he turned his face to kiss it as he pumped into you…well, come to think of it, maybe that’s why he never noticed indeed, you guys were always quite busy when your ankles were close to his face…). 

You smile at your sons and you say : 

-It’s just because Clark has been an important part of my life, and still is. He’s one of my best friend. Just friend dear, don’t make that face. 

They can’t help it, they can’t help but snickering at their father’s reaction, this little “jealous face” he always make, where his nose and mouth crease. 

But, what you just said about this tattoo makes Tim think and he asks :

-Do all your tattoos mean something ? 

You give him an enigmatic smile and nod. And you just know they’re going to ask you what they all mean. 

************

And that’s how you all end up in the main living room at the manor, with you in a sport bra and shorts, explaining what every piece of art means on your body. 

The bat’s meaning on your collar bone is obvious. You don’t even have to talk about it. So are the four little bird following it. 

The huge piece you have on your back, that seems abstract…actually isn’t. It’s the blueprints of your birth place, The Narrows, one of Gotham’s poorest and most dangerous neighborhood. You got it tattooed when you turned 18, it was your first tattoo, and you got it in honor of your parents who were murdered, and of your brothers who unfortunately hung out with the wrong people and got killed in a drug bust…You also got it tattooed to remember where you’re coming from. So that no matter where you’d go, you’d always know that the Narrows were printed into you. That it was just part of you. 

Your arms were bare, when Bruce first met you, and Dick even remembers that he saw you with tattooed less arms too…And yes. Yes it makes sense because…Your arms are dedicated to your sons. 

The little circus on your bicep is for Dick, when the official adoption papers were signed. Below the circus is written a date, the day Dick Grayson officially became your son, and next to the date are little symbols that do not seem to make any sense…That is until you explain that, when Dick arrived home, a lost little 8 years old boy, he was just so shy. And to communicate with him, you’d draw things. Like, yourself smiling and hugging him…and slowly but surely, he warmed up to you. Hugging you for real, calling you “mom”…but when you still communicated only through drawings, he drew things for you and…you got them tattooed on your skin. 

Those symbols meant something, and just showed how bad at art Dick used to be. They was a heart that looked like an apple. A house or…maybe a gift ? There was a stick figure…dancing ? And the face of a character smiling. 

Dick tried his hardest not to cry at the thought that you got tattooed on your skin those silly drawings he made for you…and the memories of how amazing you’ve always been to him were almost too much. 

On your forearms, there was a tire less car and…oh that was about Jason for sure. It was an aston martin (one of Bruce’s favorite car…you couldn’t really get the bat mobile tattooed) and it missed all its tires. Below that, there was a silhouette of a boy wearing a hoodie, with a comic bubble that read : “Haha gotta run faster old man”. Bruce wasn’t amused (but deep down, he thought it was extremely cute). 

The two tombstones on your other bicep didn’t need any explanation either…and the little arrows below them that pointed to a two bright star design didn’t either. Every thing was symbolizing Jason’s and Damian’s death, and the stars were them coming back to you. 

You had a small coffee cup on your wrist. For Tim of course. Next to the coffee cup was written “X 9324″ and your family couldn’t help but laugh at your accurate portrayal of the number of coffee cups your son drunk. There was also a little computer, and a “sleep is for the weak”. 

You had a lot of arabic things written on your arms too and Damian almost teared up when he realized they were things he  told you that you loved…Things he told you that came straight from his heart. 

You had each of them drawn as Robins. Dick being the biggest one, blue. Then Jason, red. Tim, yellow. And finally, Damian, green. 

Above your elbow was a drawing of Damian and Tim drawn Chibi style, and they were fighting. Above was a very exasperated Dick, and a “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT” Jason and they all burst out laughing when they realized that those little characters on your arm, it was indeed definitely them. How did they never notice ? They were just so used to your tattoos…

And oh there was so many tattoos on your arms related to them…A staff, Dick’s two stick, a gun in a “stop” sign, their symbols, their date of birth, their favorite food (Jason got excited to see you tattooed some chicken drumsticks on you, he thought it was hilarious) etc etc…your arms were a canvas in honor of your children, and oh how touched they were by all of that. 

Your legs had massive pieces on them. One leg was…just wonderful. A sort of abstract depiction of your relationship with Bruce. From the day you met at a charity event you organized (one to give easier access to books to poor population in Gotham) which was represented by books flying off at the start of your thigh, to your wedding, represented by a lot of colors (your super friend’s costume colors) and two rings, to when you adopted your children (four colorful dots tattooed with the aquarelle technique…one blue, one red, one yellow and one green). Everything was there. Even the way you were so sickeningly in love with each other, there was definitely your silhouette and his kissing…Gross. 

Bruce’s heart beat wildly as he realizes you had an entire leg tattooed just for him…That it symbolized your life with him…And he never even wondered what all those things meant ! 

On your other legs you your favorite places in Gotham drawn. One of the park. The rooftops. The docks. It was just a lot of wonderful pieces about your favorite city in the World (though not many understood why you loved that place so much), and there, lost in the middle of all of it, was that superman tattoo…You told them it was one of your first one. You didn’t really expect to have that many tattoos. 

Alfred full on cried when he saw that you had a “butler” drawn on your ribs, but hey, why wouldn’t you ? Alfred was such an important part of your life…You also had other things on your collar bone that didn’t have the bats and the birds, related to Alfred : a few tea cups, and a “sassy, butler is sassy” that made everyone laugh. The other side of your ribs were still bear, so was your stomach and belly in general, and you told them that, once another important event would occur, you’d draw something there too. 

All of your tattoos had meanings. All of them. And you had too many to explain everything to them but…Now they knew. 

They already knew how important they were in your life, but now even more than ever. You had your skin permanently changed with reminders of them…

Many hugs were exchanged, many laughs too as some of your tattoos were just based on very funny memories (like for example, you had a “R.I.P Sledges” with a broken red sledge representing all the sledges you broke with your sons over the many winters you all had together), and almost tears too, as some memories were painful, or just made them have happy tears. 

************

You spend the entire day talking about your tattoos. And finally, you told them about everything and…satisfied their curiosity. 

After kissing your cheek lovingly, your sons’ follow Alfred in the kitchen for their snacks ritual of the day (tea and crumpets…for real) and you’re left alone with your Bruce. 

He comes closer to you and asks : 

- What about the one you have…you know…between your thigh, right before your…

-I know which one you’re talking about Bruce, and this one ? It’s just a meaningless cute one. 

You can see he doesn’t believe you, and as he narrows his eyes at you you just smile and can’t resist to laugh. 

-Meaningless cute one uh ? 

You nod, but you damn well know he won’t let go off this. And you also know what his technique to make you talk is…When the first tickle wave hit you, you are able to hold your laugh in but…Oh it’s always impossible. He knows all your sweetest spot. He knows where to touch you to make you beg for him to stop tickling you. 

-I won’t stop until you tell me what’s that tattoo means ! 

-Fine HAHAHAHAHAHHA I’LLHAHAHAHAHAHA I’ll tell you ! 

And it stops. But he’s ready to start again if you don’t actually comply…You look at him and you say : 

-It’s about my first time. 

-Your first time ? 

-Oh please, you know what I mean. The placement is pretty obvious really. 

-I just wanted to hear you say it and…Wait, why is it a manta ray ? 

You slyly smile at him and manage to slip away from his grasp, and can’t help but laugh loudly and run away when you hear him say : 

-Don’t tell me your first was Aquaman !?

Fin.

_____________

Hope you liked it. Wrote this during my pause at work, so like in 5 minutes so if it feels rushed I’m very sorry. Hope it’s still fine. 

Tainted Love (part 1)

Summary: Soulmates are supposed to be a wonderful thing, that is until you find out who your soulmate is. You guessed it, Lance “The Fucker” Tucker.

Pairing: Lance x Reader

Warnings: probably swearing

A/N: Don’t hate me but I deleted ‘Long Way To Go’. I’m sosososososososososososososososo sorry BUT here’s this new Lance AU. I really hope you guys like it :) Also, I know I say this every time but if there are any mistakes, I shall fix it when I wake up (I really need to stop staying up late lol).


Growing up, you always wondered who your soulmate was and when you’d meet him. You wondered if he was brunette or blonde; a red head maybe? If he had blue eyes or brown eyes; maybe gray or hazel?

Was he tall or short? Did he have the most perfect smile ever? Was he nice?

So many questions ran through your head as a kid. Either way, you couldn’t wait until the day you got to meet your soulmate. Your parents always wondered when you‘d meet him. Your older sister already had, they’re married now. Your friend since college, Hope, had recently (finally) got together with her soulmate, Ben. Even your youngest sister had already met her soulmate. Now they were waiting on you and at age 28, you still held onto the little hope that you’d meet him.

It was a long 28 years of your life and your soulmate had put you through hell and back. From bruises and scrapes here and there to breaking your arm and leg.

And let’s not forget the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced because of him; that god forsaken tattoo just above your lady parts.

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon. Everyone was off doing their own thing which left you at home by yourself. You were just watching some movie, relaxing on your couch when you felt a horrible sensation on your lower abdomen and it was getting worse by the second. It felt like someone was stabbing you, more like carving you and you wondered if your soulmate was alright.

Going into the bathroom, you pull down your sweatpants and remove your shirt, leaving you in only your bra and underwear. You hold onto the wall for support, the pain increasing as it got closer to your womanhood. You look into the mirror and see what seems to be a drawing?

Then it dawned on you; that motherfucker is getting a tattoo.

It was the worst 3 to 4 hours of your life.

The idiot tattooed fucking gold medal on him. Why the fuck would he get a tattoo of a gold medal? And somewhere so painful? Needless to say you hated getting undressed. Sex too. And forget about bikini’s.

God, how you wished you knew who your soulmate was so that you could properly kick his ass.

You tried contacting him a couple of times when you were 17. You wrote on your hand with pen, knowing it would also appear on his hand as well. You wrote a simple ‘hello, this is your soulmate.’ followed by a little smiley face. He responded with a ‘fuck off’.

You also knew that he was very sexually active. You loathed the mornings you’d wake up and find several hickeys on your neck. Oh, how you wanted to pummel him to the ground.

Even though you wanted to give him a piece of your mind, you always found yourself caring a bit too much for your soulmate, despite all the shit he’s put you through.

“Get your cock sucking ass in the car, you’re coming with me.” Hope placed her hands on her hips as she glared at you.

“No thank you, I’m fine staying home.” you respond, leaning against the doorframe.

Hope groans. “Can you stop being an asshole for two seconds and come with me to the gym? The new team coordinator is coming by and you’re really fucking nice so you’ll make me look good.”

You let out a sigh. “Fine. But only because you’re shit on your own.”

Hope smiles and you quickly put on your shoes, slipping your phone into your back pocket. The two of you retreat back to her car and you slide into the backseat, being met with some teen.

He smirks at you. “Hey.”

You turn to Hope. “Who’s this asshole?”

“Oh that’s just Maggie’s fling for the week. ” she brushes it aside and you roll your eyes.

“I really like him.” Maggie turns to you with a sweet smile from the passenger seat.

“He’s got to go.” you say, looking at the guy.

“What?”

“Go, get out.” you nod your head but he doesn’t move. “Don’t make me get out of this car and drag you out.”

The teen’s eyes widen and he grabs his backpack before getting out of the car at which time, Hope starts driving.

“What the fuck was that for?” she glanced at you through the rearview mirror.

“She needs to be on her A game and that little shit would’ve distracted her.”

Hope pursed her lips but didn’t say anything more on the matter.

“Oh shit, I almost forgot.” she spoke, grabbing a cup from the cup holder. “I want that down the hatch before we get to the gym.”

You watch Maggie take the cup from her, noticing it held a greenish liquid and snatched it from her.

“Y/N, what the fuck.” Hope let out a frustrated sigh.

“What’s in here Hope?” you shake the cup around.

“Healthy shit.”

“Like what?”

“Like orange juice and bananas and.. Weed.” her voice got lower towards the end, hoping you wouldn’t hear her.

“Weed?! Are you fucking kidding me Hope? The new team coordinator is coming over and you want Maggie stoned?” you scoff.

“She needs to live a little.” Hope waves her hand at you.

You roll your eyes and roll down the window, throwing the cup.

“What’s wrong with you!” Hope nearly screeched.

“She’s not going to that gym stoned, Hope.”

Hope groans loudly. “Ugh, you’re no fun.”


The three of you walk into the gym upon Ben telling you that the new team coordinator was already there and once Hope sees him, she becomes tense.

The tall man rips his earphone out of his ear and turn around, a smirk playing at his lips. “Well, well, well. Hope Ann Greggory. You’re an hour and three minutes late.”

“What the fuck are you doing here, Lance Tucker?” she barely looked him in the eyes but it was clear that she was annoyed to see him.

Lance Tucker? Hope told you about Lance, mostly about how much of an asshole he was and how much she hated him. Lance was a gymnast as well but you didn’t care for gymnastics much so when Hope would rant about him or gymnastics, you wouldn’t pay attention. You didn’t know a thing about Lance Tucker, only that he was, as Hope says, an asshat.

“Team coordinator.” he responds, holding out what looked to be an I.D.

Hope scoffs. “They offered me that job. I said fuck no.”

Lance lets out a laugh. “That’s bullshit.”

“Your face is bullshit.”

“Something looks different about you. Oh,” he then chuckles. “I know, you got old.”

“Your limp dick disease must be affecting your eye vision.” she snapped but before their insults could go any further, Ben stopped it, asking what Maggie’s first set was to which Hope said bars, still glaring at Lance.

Lance on the other hand took this time to glance around the room before his eyes landed on you. “Oh hi, I’m Lance Tucker.” and suddenly he wasn’t the asshole from ten seconds ago.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” you respond. Lance stretches his hand out to you and you shake it, the both of you immediately pulling away when you feel a shock.

“Don’t fall for his nice guy image he’s putting on Y/N. The guys’ still a dick brain.” Hope rolled her eyes at Lance but he was too busy staring at the hand you had touched.

It was as if time had stopped and all Lance could do was look at you. Why had he felt a shock when the two of you shook hands? Did you feel it too? All too soon, Lance was snapped out of his trance.

“Asshole, you gonna watch Maggie or are you gonna keep staring at my friend with your hand in your pants?” Hope questioned, still slightly annoyed.

“Uh, yeah.” he cleared his throat, looking at you once more before turning to Maggie.


A/N: Just go with the flow, alright? I’m so excited for this one. I’ve been writing this for 3 hours, tell me what ya think!

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