one reason you use to defend touka was that she grew up surrounded by violence so that explains her violence towards kaneki even though she cares for him. but ayato also grew up in the same way, in fact even more violence, and he's not violent to hinami at all. ayahina is a very sweet relationship but i still think that touken is abusive to kaneki.
the thing about ayahina is that their relationship is much less complicated that touken. they’re really sweet to each other, they’re protective of each other and basically, they’re happy when the other person is happy. at least, that’s how i see it since we don’t see much of their relationship.
but touken is so much more complicated and deeper than that and they are both facing issues that ayato and hinami aren’t. kaneki thinks that he’s protecting touka by always leaving her behind. he means well, but frankly speaking, touka doesn’t need to be protected at all. and touka hits kaneki because she believes that it’ll knock him into his senses and stop his self-destructive behavior because, yes, violence is what touka has known for a significant part of her life. and you’re right that ayato’s similar in that sense but why would he even hit hinami? hinami has done nothing to hurt or piss him off. if you wanna use something as a comparison, then you should be talking about the aogiri arc. ayato beat touka up back then much worse than any beating kaneki has even gotten from touka.
i don’t know enough about abuse to make a definitive statement on touken’s relationship. but going by anti-touka arguments i usually see, if we consider kaneki’s past as the reason why touka’s abusive towards him, when kaneki continues to push her away and worsen her abandonment issues, isn’t it abusive to touka as well? like i said, i don’t know enough about this issue. but personally, the way i see it is that touken has a lot of issues but they have the potential to improve and with the upcoming touken talk, i’m sure they are going to improve.
anon, you simply can’t compare ayahina to touken because in the end, they’re different. ayato and touka maybe be similar and all but they’re two different characters with very different issues as well. and ayahina might be a cute relationship and all but at the same time, it isn’t the best out there. if cochlea arc has told me anything about ayato, it’s that he can get extremely reckless (to an unnecessary degree tbh) when it comes to hinami. and to a certain extent, i feel hinami’s the same way as well.
long story short: