so with the news about geoff taking a sabbatical, my brain did the “ridiculous headcanon” thing it does and imagined fake ah crew geoff getting burned out (”because organizing you assholes is like trying to herd a fucking swarm of hornets”) and deciding to go on vacation for a while to recharge
and geoff’s basically like “do not call me unless there is an emergency,” and for geoff an emergency consists of:
the actual, literal apocalypse
do not call him
but geoff pretty quickly finds out that for the crew, an emergency can be:
“did you pack underwear” —jack
“i can’t find the remote” —gavin
“geoff please i can’t find it call me back” —gavin
“gavin and i are arguing about the probability of flipping three coins and the– geoff? hello? did you hang up on me?” —ryan
“ryan ended his murder break because of an argument with gavin and is trying to blow up everything in the tri-county area” —michael
“michael’s a fucking tattletale” —ryan
“i’m drunk and i wrote a rap about you here listen” —jeremy
“i’m drunk and jeremy wrote a rap about you and i beatboxed and it’s amazing please answer your phone” —lindsay
“i’m drunk and weepy and i miss you” —virtually everyone, on the same night
(“i’m sober and annoyed and please save me” —ray)
geoff bursts into the penthouse two weeks before he’s supposed to return and everybody’s basically like what the hell are you doing geoff you’re supposed to be relaxing and geoff has a conniption fit
I know we've been talking about eloping, Will. But I've always wanted a church wedding.
We can't have that, we're in hiding. Who would we even invite?
Chiyoh, Alana, Margot, Bedelia, Freddie, the entire FBI...
And for a venue I was thinking the Sistine Chapel .
I'm not Catholic.
I'll take care of all the food, so you don't need to worry about that. I love cooking for a large crowd.
I don't think this would work.
We're having a church wedding, Will Graham. You are going to walk down the aisle while a choir of 30 boys sings this ballad in Archaic Latin I wrote for you. You will be married off by Jack Crawford who Chiyoh will hold at gunpoint. Chiyoh will be my best man and she will be wearing every single flower mentioned in Dante's Paradiso and will hold a platinum ring with no fewer than seven diamonds. I've been planning this since I first set eyes on you, Will. It's. Going. To. Happen.