and his name is rick santorum

Of course most Republican politicians are weary of Pope Francis. He preaches about helping the poor and aiding immigrants and how war is bad. You know, like Jesus did. And they detest that. Republicans can bring up Jesus’ name and his teachings in 100 different campaign adverts but they can’t ever follow it. No, not ever. Because they’re rich, sleazy, greedy and corrupt as hell. And, really: Did it take Pope Francis to teach us this, or did we secretly know it all along?

Oh, of course we did. We’re not all fucking idiots.

Nothing will ever beat the 2012 election cycle in terms of being a complete political farce. The candidates for the frontrunners for the Republican nomination included:

  • Herman Cain, a habitual sexual line-stepper who quoted the theme song from the Pokemon movie in his speeches
  • Michele Bachman, a wild-eyed conspiracy theorist who called for her followers to slit their wrists in protest of Obamacare
  • Ron Paul, a 437-year-old gynecologist who opposes the Civil Rights Act, voted against MLK Day twice (in spite of his later claims), and gave a speech in front of a Confederate flag saying the South was right in the Civil War, but whose fans won’t admit is racist because he thinks states should be able to legalize weed if they want (but also that they should be able to establish state religions and mandate prayer in public schools)
  • Rick Perry, who is basically what would happen if you stuck the soul of a stoned Yosemite Sam into the body of Josh Brolin playing George W. Bush in Oliver Stone’s film W
  • Newt Gingrich, a man so hypocritical that he led impeachment proceedings against Bill Clinton for getting dome from an intern who was not his wife, sitting up there talking about family values, while cheating on his own wife
  • Rick Santorum, a man so homophobic, people went out of their way to redefine his last name as a term for a byproduct of anal sex between (cis) men
  • Mitt Romney, a man so out of touch with the poor that he thought a good way to connect to the South was to say he was friends with NASCAR team owners and that good advice to broke college students struggling with tuition was to sell some of their father’s stock like he and his wife did

I’m not entirely unconvinced that the whole thing was a brilliant piece of performance art. And that’s just the frontrunners. That’s not even including the people who had no chance from the start, like Sarah Palin and Donald Trump, who were in their own ways ceaseless founts of comedy. We will never have an election like that again.

anonymous asked:

If Jeb is elected, do you think he'll be referred to as Bush 45?

At times, yes. I’ll definitely do it when I’m writing or putting together research.

Here’s the question: why do we call him “Jeb Bush”? Isn’t that redundant? His name is John Ellis Bush. It’s just JEB, like FDR, JFK, and LBJ, right? I mean…not in terms of greatness, but you know what I mean. We wouldn’t call them “JFK Kennedy” or “LBJ Johnson”. “Jeb Bush” is redundant. That’s like calling Rick Santorum an asshole.