YA’LL CAN FIGHT ME! I KNOW THIS IS LIKE THE 2ND GERMAN FOODSONA FOR SAUER’S AISLE BUT I FUCKING LOVE HIM OKAY?! Blame @envy-denvy with our fabulous chats about this stuff! There’s like 2 more coming soon!
Anyways the little doughnut is Spritzkuchen and he’s based off of Dr. Mengele. I have been planning to make him for a while now since Dr. Mengele has always fascinated me
Spritz is insanely cheery most of the time. He has this very eerily creepy upbeat voice every time he speaks. His house has a bunch of little German chocolate dogs that he loves but are also his lab rats. Whenever one dies during an experiment Spritz gets genuinely sad. He holds the corpse as he gently caresses its face while saying “Es tut uns leid…” (I’m sorry) He also has this fruit punch juice box chained up in his basement that Spritz says is his favorite subject. Every night Spritz goes down to the basement, hugs the juice box as he caresses his face while saying “Ich liebe dich” (I love you) three times, exactly. He’s a pretty fucked up product and he’s the smallest German product so far, even shorter than Edsel.
Spritzkuchen has two Apfelstrudel assistants named Conrado and Frantz who are twins. They’re in a weird polygamous relationship since it’s all too fitting. Conrado’s name means honest adviser and Frantz’s name means free man (the irony). They always do what Spritz tells them to do despite Conrado thinking that these aren’t safe medical practices. He’s a very honest and wise strudel. Frantz on the other hand thinks that knowledge show be obtained by any means necessary. Polar opposite brothers that Spritzkuchen is obsessed with.