and he's just so happy with his pots and pans

anonymous asked:

RFA + V & Saeran's reaction to like an MC with a compulsive shopping problem like "MC when will we ever need fifteen scrub daddies?" Kinda thing. Because lemme tell you late night infomercials will get to you eventually.

this sure is a blast to the past.


  • Questions you? This boy enables you.
  • By month two of living together you own a menagerie of snuggies, an armada of specialized shower slippers, and a single Obama chia pet that lives on the kitchen counter.
  • He wanders in at the middle of the night to you sprawled out on the couch, watching the infomercials flicker in a daze, and he sits down in a stupor near you to sip his coffee and watch what’s occurring on the screen.
  • “Flex-tape,” he says to himself softly. “We could fix anything with that.”
  • “Yeah,” you say.
  • “Like the bumper of our car. And that leaky bucket. And the chair that keeps falling apart!”
  • “Yeah,” you say again, pulling out your phone.
  • Seven thinks this is hilarious. Zen tries to stage an intervention. Jumin is endlessly entertained by this silly commoner practice, and ends up taking one of your Forever Comfy Cushions for his own purposes.


  • “What are you buying,” Zen says, accusation permeating every inch of his flat voice. Nothing! you insist, but he doesn’t believe you.
  • He never believes you.
  • Zen loves you and thinks the sun itself shines in your eyes, but he also knows that you have a problem and knows that you do not need another specialty home improvement product.
  • “But these are cool!” You insist. “And useful! They’re feet for your chair and they keep your floors from getting scratches and YOU CAN’T TELL ME OUR CHAIRS DON’T NEED SHOES, ZEN. THEY’RE NAKED.”
  • zen doesn’t understand. he’s lived a life of complete asceticism, often not even having the bare necessities of life. and here you are, filling his home with useless junk.
  • like really.
  • why do you need magnifying lens glasses.
  • you don’t.
  • y o u d o n ‘ t.


  • god save this poor woman it’s like dating jumin if jumin had some weird discount shopping fetish.
  • The word “sale” just gets you going like no other, and more than once have you shaken Jaehee awake saying that oh my god there’s this cooking product on tv and it looks so useful i could use it to make you perfect roasted apples AND over easy eggs and if we order now WE GET TWO
  • “go to sleep, MC,” jaehee says like a prayer, but she knows that god isn’t listening.
  • you’re going to order it.
  • you’re going to inflict this upon her.
  • …she is kind of grateful though when she realizes how damn handy your stupid Chop Wizard is for slicing onions. No more teary eyes. It’s like a miracle.


  • whenever you open your mouth, Jumin hears a great idea while everyone else hears utter insanity..
  • Of course you need five pairs of ant-resistant socks, MC! That sounds like a great idea. Get five for me, too.
  • Of course you need Hydro Mouse Liquid Lawn to promote healthy lawn growth, MC! It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a lawn, it sounds useful for the future.
  • Of course you need a Super Duper Ultra Hi-def HDMI cable, MC! That way we can watch cat videos on the TV in crystal clear quality. 
  • Of course we -
  • jaehee has to get a storehouse for the Weird Bullshit you acquire and she also wants to die.


  • He turns infomercial shopping with you into a party game, where you pick random things to buy, and when they arrive, the pair of you try to find the most improbable uses for them ever.
  • Your house turns into this weird, Post-Apocalyptic style wreck where everything is crafted from jury-rigged infomercial products, and Seven is just Loving Life.
  • You have cabinets made out of multicolored duck tape and egg beaters, which you used your 5 Second Welding Wand to create. 
  • Your walls are made out of magic mesh, which you panted with your Specialty Paint Spray Applicator
  • Seven turns the set of miracle knives you bought into a makeshift home security system.
  • The 124-pack of magic, color changing markers was the best purchase of your collective lives, and you color in your ramshackle home, content with no one wanting to visit you ever.


  • V cannot say no to you, which is unfortunate, because someone really needs to say no to you.
  • Egg powder! Super choppers! Hey V, do we need a callous remover? S-sure, he stutters, and you buy that too.
  • You own five different kinds of furniture powder, eighty-one types of cleaning supplies, a drawer full of compression socks, and a case of Furniture Fixes to Lift Your Sagging Cushions™
  • Your house is somehow both pristine and also filled with junk. RIP V’s artsy minimalist lifestyle.
  • …Some of the products actually end up being pretty helpful for helping him deal with his blindness, though, so he’s thankful for that, at least.


  • like seriously, you come home and you’ve got another box of weird gimmicky art supplies like air-blowing magic markers and color-shifting crayons. 
  • You have a jolly old time using them to decorate the new apple-slicer Saeran bought.
  • He gets a “make-your-own-crayon” kit and, well, that’s your Tuesday!
  • He tries to buy you presents, too, like new pots, pans, and a third pressure cooker, and you’re always so happy!
  • Finally, someone who gets it!
  • Finally, someone who understands!
  • You have a tool for every situation! Who cares if your house is going to burst?
  • …Eventually, Vanderwood convinces you to give some of the excess to charity, because this is ridiculous.


  • “Can I - “
  • “No.”
  • "But it would be so - “
  • NO.”
  • “It’s so cheap though –”
  • N O,” Vanderwood declares like a Roman judge, then turns off the television. They are not allowing this. They are not playing this game. They are not –
  • Wait.
  • Was that a shower scrubber?
  • Shit, let’s get ten.

creatures-of-narrative  asked:

How did Single Dad sid meet Famous Hockey Player Geno, anyway? Oh man, was it through the little penguins program? Or at a signing at a sporting goods store? Sid saved so carefully so little Avery could have have some gear (he wants to skate so, so bad) and finally he has enough and also a day off that he can take Avery in to have his tiny skates fitted. When he gets to the store there are people everywhere, and Evgeni Malkin is doing a signing and Avery is just starry eyed (1/2)

(2/2) when they get to the table where Geno is wearing out Sharpies, Avery can barely see over it but he hands Geno one of his new skates and solemnly informs him that if he signs it it’ll be lucky and maybe he’ll skate “super fast” just like Geno. And before Sidney can stop him Avery tells Geno how his dad saved and saved and how awesome his dad is and Geno is so charmed and he looks up to smile politely at the great dad of this adorable child and nearly chokes on his own tongue b/c PRETTY


(“You looking at the DILF over there, G?” Flower whispers.

“What?” Geno furrows his brows. “Not know word.”

Flower whispers it in his ear, and Geno pushes him away with an outraged expression. “Go away, Flower.”)

And there’s a bunch of silly scenes and Geno taking Sidney out to way too expensive restaurants and REALLY emo h/c misunderstandings about money like:

“I don’t want you to keep doing this!” Sidney whisper-yells at him, because Avery is sleeping in his room. “You’re not–I know I don’t have a lot of money, but you don’t have to buy me a car, or–or keep planning these expensive trips to fucking Aruba or something–”

“Is just Orlando,” Geno argues back, equally quiet. “Take you and Avery to Disneyworld. I promise him if good grades, then is surprise.”

“You’re not my fucking sugar daddy, G,” Sidney spits out helplessly. “I don’t need your charity.”

Charity?” Geno echoes. “Sid, is not charity. I have money. I’m not pretend money not exist. I want to spend it on people I love. And I’m love you and Avery, want the best for you. Want you safe and happy.”

Sidney looks taken aback at the sudden declaration, then waves his hands. “I just–it’s too much. This is probably selfish of me to think, but–but I can’t deal with the fallout when you get tired of us and just–leave.” 

“Leave? I’m leave? Why I’m fucking ever do that?”

Sidney’s eyes are very bright with unshed tears. “Geno, please understand. I’m not saying this to be an ass. I’m being realistic.” He looks behind him at the hallway, but there’s no sound from Avery’s room. He sighs. “Look, I know hockey players. Okay? You have fame. And–and money. And you want fun. And Avery and I–well, we’re happy being us, but we’re just us. And it’s really scary for me to know that you can leave any time you want because you have the resources–and, and the ability to do it. And there’s so many other people with better circumstances–don’t look at me like that, Geno. I’m not trying to fish for sympathy. It’s just how it is, and I’m acknowledging it. And I know it’s not what you want to hear, and it sounds like I’m the world’s biggest dick, but I can’t just be here because you want to play house once in a while.” 

“Sid,” Geno says, devastated. He grips Sidney’s shoulders, but Sidney won’t meet his eyes. “Sid. Look at me. Look.”

Sidney sniffles, his voice cracking. “I have to think about myself and my son, too, you know? I’m tired of getting thrown away for being not good enough.”

And that’s just it, isn’t it? Geno realizes. The culmination and root of all of Sidney’s insecurities and fear. His dream of getting drafted cut short by an injury, his ex-partner leaving him and his son for someone else, him turning that feeling of abandonment into a silent resilience and strength to take care of his family first in lieu of taking care of himself. But here he is, finally, admitting the last shred of selfishness he has left in his body, a wish to just be wanted and not having to worry about being loved, and it tears at Geno’s heart. Geno wants to give him the world, but Sidney’s heart is held together by tape and and a couple pieces of loose string; he’ll fall apart if it shatters again. He can’t afford to take things given to him without a fight. 

“Sidney, I love you,” Geno says fiercely, and Sidney looks up in shock. “I love you so much. The last six months, best six months of my life. You know? Remember that loss to Flyers, a while back? Sid, remember?”

“I remember,” Sidney replies softly. 

“I’m so angry then,” Geno says. “Just go straight back to hotel room and be angry, not go out with teammates. And then you and Avery call me, and I’m so happy. Forget we lose at all. Just listen to you and Avery talk to me, maybe talk a little bit about hockey, but mostly about his day at school, and you talk about your day at work and some dumbass spill coffee on copy machine. And I think right then, ‘Thank God I have family waiting for me at home. They’re in Pittsburgh and I can go home soon and see them, and then take Avery out to zoo or something‘”

“Geno, I–”

Geno cups Sidney’s face, smoothing out Sidney’s cheek with his thumb. “Sid. Hockey is not my life. Yes, big part, can’t help it. But family is most important. You and Avery is most important. Is too early, maybe yes, maybe no, but I already know I’m want to be with you for long time, if you want me. Okay? Should have said earlier, so you not think about it so much like this.”

“I’m–” Sidney looks so cautiously hopeful, then shakes his head. He looks like all the fight has gone out of his body. “Every time I think I finally got you figured out, you just–just do this.”

“Sidney Patrick Crosby, you share family with me, make me most happy, make me believe I’m do anything and not just be dumb hockey player,” Geno says, nuzzling Sidney’s cheek and saying the words into his skin. “I’m lucky to even meet you. I love you,” he says again. “Want be with you.”

“Okay, G,” Sidney murmurs after a while, leaning in to press his lips against Geno’s. “Okay.” 

justkseniya1601  asked:

Hello)))Your fanfic about Eisuke and MC's birthday is wonderful)))Thank you for your hard work! Fanfic that I want to see from you is story about pregnancy of MC (her name is Hana) and a father is my beloved Eisuke Ichinomiya)))

Aww. Thanks for reading my fanfic. And thanks for thanking me xD But seriously: ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO KILL ME? XD I really love writing for you. But you totally kill me with Eisuke. The only thought on my mind is ‘Oh, god. I hope she’ll like it. I hope he is not too much OOC. I hope this bad, bad idea is something she’s interested in.’

So I ended up writing a little something. I hope you like it although I’m not really happy about it. I don’t know. It’s just really that I always have a hard time writing for Eisuke. Although I think every OOC could be explained due to Eisuke becoming a father and the MC … well the hormones. xD Whatever! I hope you like it!

Aaaand: Credit for KBTBB and all characters connected to it goes to Voltage Inc. Thanks for creating these awesome games.

When I opened the door to my apartment my eyes almost popped out of my head. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Because right in front of me was … nothing. My apartment was empty. At first I thought a burglar had been the reason. But then I realised that a normal burglar would probably only have taken the valuable stuff. Not to mention that nothing in this apartment had actually been really valuable. So why did my apartment look like no one was living in it? I could only come up with one explanation. And that one really made me angry.

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