and he's gonna win that shit

anonymous asked:

Pt. 1 I just met Dean and holy shit guys. He is the sweetest, funniest, dorkiest man alive. I was so shy and I said "hi" very quietly and he was so nice he shook my hand. (His hands holy!!!!! So soft and manly!) then I told him "if you don't win Sunday, I'm gonna be very mad. Because I'll be there." And he was like "yeah I'm bout to knock some bitches around" I laughed so hard and he said "you better be loud for us" then we took the picture, he put his arm around me, the one with the "tattoo"

AWWW!!!!!  😍

Okay but my favourite headcannon in the voltron fandom is where Shiro’s sense of humour is practically the exact same as Lance’s but he’s vowed to never, ever let Lance know about this.


He’s really serious about hiding it from Lance, it’s his soul goal/focus in life

Until the day when he accidentally texts Lance instead of Keith

Space Dad: Keith

Space Dad: my dude

Space Dad: my man

Space Dad: My little brother

Space Dad: My only living family member

Space Dad: My red boy

Space Dad: Hear me out

Space Dad: Next time we meet lotor let’s just dead ass look him in the eye and challenge him to a dance off

Space Dad: He seems like the kinda guy to accept

Space Dad: And u know I’ll win

Space Dad: I got them fly moves

Space Dad: It will be majestic

Space Dad: SHIT

Space Dad: A DANCE BATTLE WITH FUCKING ROLLER SKATES ON

Space Dad: don’t know where we’re gonna get roller skates in space but honestly? Not my problem

Space Dad: Keith why are you ignoring me this is a fantastic idea

Space Dad: How dare you disrespect me like this, today of all days, the day of my daughters wedding

Space Dad: no but why am I imagining lotor just wiping out and then hissing like a fucking cat

Space Dad: galra are a lot like cats

Space Dad: Keith fukc Keith r you a cat

Space Dad: AAGSJS UR A FURRY H E L P

Space Dad: Okay but c'mon patch the furry but at least respond to the dancing roller blade off w/lotor

Space Dad: This is absolutely 100% how u win a war trust me I’ve worn a cool army suit once

Space Dad: oh no ur not Keith fuCK ME BACKWARDS HELLO LANCE

Lance McMeme: what the fuck just happened

iconic vines sentence meme .

​❛ suck a motherfucking dick . ❜

​❛ i thought you were bae , turns out you were just fam . ❜

​❛ i thought you were american . ❜

​❛ is that a weed !? ❜

​❛ i won’t hesitate bitch ! ❜

​❛ chipotle is my life . ❜

​❛ turn off the flash you fucking moron ! ❜

​❛ kiss my ass bitch motherfucker ! ❜

​❛ is that a police !? ❜

​❛ i’m calling the weed ! ❜

​❛ done & done , let me pull the table out of my ass . ❜

​❛ merry crisis ! ❜

​❛ i don’t have enough money for chicken nugget . ❜

​❛ i’m ready to die anytime , any place , for any reason . ❜

​❛ hey guys , we’re unboxing this cheese stick today . ❜

​❛ i aint never gonna stop loving you , bitch .  ❜

​❛ this is the comedy police ! that joke’s too funny ! ❜

​❛ i’m not going back to jail ! ❜

​❛ what the fuck ? $599 for a fucking playground ? that looks like a piece of shit . ❜

​❛ FUCK YOUR TEA ! ❜

​❛ the feminists are taking over ! ❜

​❛ I GOT TWO FREE TACOS ! ❜

​❛ and they were roommates ! ❜

​❛ i’m not your friend ! ❜

​❛ there’s no saving this sweet piece of ass . ❜

​❛ hi welcome to chili’s ! ❜

​❛ yeah tip of the penis to you too . ❜

​❛ this is why mom doesn’t FUCKING love you ! ❜

​❛ welcome to bible study , we’re all children of jesus . ❜

​❛ aw fuck , i can’t believe you’ve done this . ❜

​❛ YO HOLY SHIT HE DEAD ! ❜

​❛ this is the dollar store , how good can it be ? ❜

​❛ step back , i think i’m gonna vomit ! ❜

​❛ oh sorry , i didn’t see ya there , i was too busy blocking out the haters . ❜

​❛ shut up ! your mother buys you mega blocks instead of legos ! ❜

​❛ I’LL TAKE A NAP HERE ! ❜

​❛ i hate to do this but i specifically asked for no mustard and you just brought me a bottle of mustard on a plate . ❜

​❛ how are we gonna win if we fucking die ? ❜

​❛ why the fuck would i say printer ? ❜

​❛ the benefits of killing him would be that i’d be pushed way less . ❜

​❛ but it pays off, because i dont even have time to think about dying . ❜

I Live to Start Drama

*Context: my group was dicking around in a mostly empty bar. I ordered food and then proceeded to smack it to the floor immediately after receiving it.

DM (as a bartender): Why did you do that?

Tiefling (me, ooc): I roll for deception to trick him into thinking Gary Tablesitter over there did it.

DM: Okay, shoot.

*rolls 19 with +3 deception*

DM: Okay so Barth Grooks (bartender) with no prompting turns to Gary Tablesitter (an npc accurately named who is sitting on a table in the corner). “Gary why the FUCK did you DO THAT. This is the last straw.”

Tiefling : Damn, I was gonna eat that! Fuck- Gary you should pay.

DM: Barth leaps over the bar and goes up to Gary who is mumbling about how he has to sit on tables all the time.

Tiefling: I walk over to Gary and sit next to him. (ooc) and I want to persuade him to start fighting Barth.

DM: Roll for it, but it might be kinda hard bc he’s hardcore disassociating.

*rolls 18 +3 persuasion*

DM: Oh my god. Okay fine. You put your hand on his shoulder and slightly push him and he lunges at Barth with no hesitation. But it looks like he’s gonna lose the fight. What do you want to do now?

Tiefling: Well I’m getting kind of bored so I leave.

DM: You….. you’re just gonna leave?

Tiefling: Well, yeah. I mean I know Barth is gonna win the fight and make Gary pay for my food so that was the goal.

DM: So wait- you did all of that just to pay for a meal… but you didn’t even eat it?

Tiefling: Yeah I just wanted to start drama.

Originally posted by knightlley

turning me on | jeff atkins

anon request: can i request a jeff atkins imagine with #8 and #33? maybe jeff took his girlfriend (reader) to a party with him and you could take it from there. thank you!

8) “you’re turning me on.”

33) “come sit on my lap.”

warnings: fluff, almost smut

a/n: ok but that gif is so hot. FIRST IMAGINE OF MY BBY <3

Keep reading

Top 9 Most Fight-Able Characters in Mystic Messenger

(ranked by the likelihood of winning from least to most likely)

9. “Mary” Vanderwood, Secret Agent Murdermonster

Result: A swift and painful death

Are you shitting me? You’ll be goddamn eviscerated on the spot. Not to mention nobody will ever find your body. This is completely fucking unadvisable. DO NOT DO THIS unless you have a DEATH WISH and want to disappear from the world completely. Vanderwood is not to be messed with. They’ve killed many a worthy foe, and you will not be one of them. There’s not much else to say here. I don’t care who you are, you should not challenge Vanderwood. Say your prayers, fucker

8. Unknown/Saeran Choi, Total Edgelord

Result: Utter defeat, probably followed by torture + imprisonment

I don’t think you need me to tell you that this kid is fucking off his rocker. Let’s be real, he’s probably killed a few people, and he enjoyed every minute of it. You can bet your ass he’ll likely torture you after defeating you, too. And you know, some of you sick fucks will probably enjoy the whole damn ordeal. You’re probably the only ones who’d WANT to fight him just to have him fucking step on you. Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted. He still beats your ass. The only reason Vanderwood beats him in this ranking is because it’s possible he’d keep you alive for fun, and some of you would enjoy that, so at least it’s a fuckin victory for somebody. Fuck.

7. Jaehee Kang, Smarter than the CEO

Result: Total annihilation + jail time

Do you see this face? This is the face of someone who has been repressing violent urges for fucking years for the sake of keeping her job. If she could snap Jumin’s neck, she would in a heartbeat. You do not want to give her a justifiable reason to unleash that utter fucking rage on your sorry ass. Did you forget she has a black belt in judo? She could beat my ass. She could beat your ass. She could beat anyone’s ass. I don’t care WHO you think you are. And after the fight? She’ll report you to the proper authorities, pick up a cup of coffee, and finish her daily tasks like nothing fucking happened. What a wild bitch. I fucking love her to death, tbh. And you know what? How dare you challenge her. She deals with enough shit in her life. I hope she beats your ass with a righteous fucking fury. Have fun in jail, dipshit.

6. God 707, Meme Lord Supreme

Result: Depends on your approach, but probably a failure

Honestly Seven’s about as fucking predictable as a lunch box full of wasps. What am I even supposed to say here? He’d probably imitate that shitty ass vine meme the first time you punch him and say “I can’t believe you’ve done this”, complete with a British accent, but when you keep hitting, it’ll confuse him. The element of surprise is probably your best bet, but you also have no fucking clue what he’ll do. He might beat the shit out of you. He might scamper away on his scrawny ass legs and proceed to hack into everything you once loved or held dear. He might lay down on the ground and let you kick the shit out of him. In the end, it depends on his mood. Is that reliable at all? Absolutely fucking not. So go for it, but I literally have no idea how it’s gonna turn out for you.

5. Zen/Hyun Ryu, A God Among Men

Result: You have a good chance of winning, but at what cost?

OK BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LISTEN THE FUCK UP. Why is Zen higher up on the list, Nani??? you ask me, pouting, clutching your Zen body pillow(s) in agony. Zen had a bad past!! He’s not easy to fight, he was such a bad boy!! v//w//v He’s so tough and strong and he’s our knight in shining armor! Hey!! Good for you! But GUESS FUCKING WHAT!! If you’re female, he’ll probably forfeit to you immediately, unlike the barbarians before him on this list, so technically he’s easier to fight! He’d probably LET you beat the shit out of him if it made you feel better. It’s not even a fucking question of who would win if a woman challenged him, so we’re gonna move on.
Now, if you’re a GUY, he’d be more willing to square up, and my advice is go for his face. Pretty boy doesn’t like messing up his pretty mug, and if you play dirty, he’ll get scared real quick. His ponytail is a disadvantage for him, so yank it real hard. You have a better chance of beating him with perseverance, but if you let him get the upper hand, you’re deceased because he’s probably a heavy hitter. Also, you will incur the wrath of all his fangirls, and probably the angels above, and you will spend the rest of your life MISERABLE AND CURSED, so proceed with caution. If you can get away with it without anyone knowing your identity, you’re golden. Good luck, but also, why? do you even want to??

4. Jumin Han, Mistah Trussfund Kid (The CEO)

Result: Instant win, but your life will be RUINED

Honestly, I think certain RFA members would actually be very glad if someone handed Jumin’s ass to him, but good fucking luck accomplishing that without having your entire life destroyed. On a purely physical level, Jumin is no competition. He may be the tallest motherfucker around, but he’s never fought anyone before in his LIFE. You’d probably only have an issue here if you were short as shit, and even then, go for the knees, amirite? He’ll fall like a fucking oak tree, and then you can rip him a new one while he’s down. Easy peasy, right? WRONG. He’s got a horde of like 50 bodyguards that you have to sneak past or defeat first or something. And if you somehow make it to Jumin first, they’ll swarm your ass after you first start swinging and have you incapacitated in a few seconds. Are those first few swings worth it? Maybe. But he’s gonna sue your ass for everything you own. The whole world will know your name. If you don’t get jail time, you’ll wish you had. It will be an easier life than trying to live in the public. Zen and Jaehee might love you forever, though, so maybe they can pull a few favors for ya. You better pray they do. Good fuckin luck out there, champ.

3. Yoosung Kim, Small Child

Result: Victory, but with a catch

Look into this child’s eyes. Look me in the eyes. Tell me that Yoosung isn’t a fucking pansy. You can’t, can you? It’s because Yoosung is a fucking pansy. This kid would be down for the count after exactly one (1) punch. He might enjoy it a little too, which’ll be awkward as shit for both of you. HOWEVER. If you trigger his Yandere side, which is bullshit but whatever, he might put up more of a fight. How do you do this, you may ask? Insult Rika. or MC. (Probably Rika tho). Something inside him will snap, and then he’ll be trickier to handle. He’ll probably play dirty when he’s like this, so expect to get shanked or bitten or something. It doesn’t change the fact that his scrawny ass can’t fight for shit, so you’ll still probably win, but not without a few injuries yourself. Hurting Yoosung is probably the moral equivalent to kicking a puppy. If you can be ok with yourself after that, then I mean, go for it.

2. Rika, the Antichrist

Result: Certain victory, but extremely dangerous

Look, maybe I should’ve put her lower on the list considering she’s got an entire cult following her every order. But, honest to God, you would be morally obligated to fight her. Please beat the shit out of her. Physically, her scrawny ass could do nothing to stop you. She’s ruined the lives of her friends, as well as countless other people, because of her deranged and, quite frankly, selfish desires. Basically, she’s a little bitch. I don’t know how you’ll do it, but god damn, you’ll be everyone’s hero. The downside to this is that she might sick Saeran on you, which is gonna be a pain in your ass, and Yoosung might hate you forever, but I think you can live with that, right? Do us all a favor. Fight Rika.

1. Jihyun Kim/V, aka Flower Angel Sunshine Man

Result: Total Victory, but you’re basically Satan

BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANON HATE, REMEMBER: this is a list based on how likely you are to win. And V? V would let anyone beat him. He probably thinks he deserves it. He might defend himself a little, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. Your victory would be almost immediate. There is no catch to V. You’d just win. But you’re a fucking monster for it. And you know what? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you hurt this man. So don’t even think about it, asshole.

That podium scene
  • <p> <b>Yuuri:</b> Enjoying the view?<p/><b>Yuuri thinking:</b> hell yeah nikiforov, I'm finally on top of you in this fucking podium. Wooo, look at me win gold while you have fucking silver. What you gonna do about it, huh? Nothing because I'm the champion here while you're just a loser looking at me from below.<p/><b>Viktor thinking:</b> oh my god he caught me staring at him. He caught me staring at him! Shit, this is so embarrassing *blush* but wait, he's flirting with me. HE'S FLIRTING WITH ME!!! Oh shut up Chris, stop laughing. This is so embarrassing uwaaah!<p/></p>

celebrities read mean tweets: exy edition

  • neil reads all of the tweets with the most stoic expression
  • @/andrewminyard03: i don’t get why people hype josten so much, he’s an idiot”
  • neil: same
  • after a while he starts to answer in different languages just to piss the producers off
  • wymack is watching and asking abby why didn’t he let andrew kill neil with that racquet when they first saw him
  • twenty minutes into the show, neil looks up with bored expression and says “can i get some tweets that aren’t from andrew”
  • no, they’re all from andrew
  • andrew refuses to do it at all and asked about it aaron says that it’s because he’s got enough of nicky, the meanest bitch
  • nicky is so offended he doesn’t send aaron a christmas card
  • kevin always gets the meanest ones and he wants to fight everyone
  • @/nhemmick: kevin day can stick his racquet up his ass, he can’t play in a team for shit”
  • kevin: how ‘bout i stick it up your ass, hemmick? maybe if you’d play it like you mean it i would be able to play in a team you fucki-
  • the producer: mr day this is national tv, can you-
  • kevin: FIGHT ME
  • dan and matt do it together but they don’t get any mean tweets because nicky spams with praises about matt’s handsome face and alvarez spams about dan’s body to die for
  • renee and allison do it together too but it’s just renee reading the tweets with the nicest smile while allison talks about neil in jorts for the whole hour because what the fuck i know he lived under a rock but come one josten COME ON
  • (after the show all of the people that sent mean things about renee apologized because she’s a total sweetheart how could they ever tell her something like that also andrew threatened to break their legs so there’s that)
  • nicky fucking laughs at everything he reads
  • @/andrewminyard03: this isn’t hooker convention, this is nicky hemmick’s wedding”
  • nicky: get rekt minyard
  • @/kevinday: nicky hemmick is a brooklyn hipster piece of shit and i’m gonna fight him”
  • nicky: kevin day has a shrine dedicated to jeremy knox and he kisses the pictures before every important game
  • (kevin personally flies from new york to germany two days later and erik has to wrestle him to the ground to stop kevin from breaking an exy racquet over nicky’s head)
  • jeremy knox agrees to do it because he’s sure people won’t be mean to him
  • they are
  • (mostly his former teammates, read: alvarez)
  • jeremy: i didn’t win a team spirit award for five years straight for this
  • jean reads only two tweets
  • “jean moreau sounds llike he has a dick in his mouth all the time”
  • jean: what’s wrong with having a dick in my mouth?
  • jeremy cries behind the scenes
  • “jean moreau looks like this person who doesn’t deserve to be famous but he slipped thru the cracks and ppl were like ‘ok’, i hope he dies”
  • jean slides from the chair to the ground and gets so close to the camera you can only see his mouth
  • jean: god i hope so too
  • that’s it because jeremy drags him out of there
  • no one knows if he was joking
  • kevin calls him ten minutes later to ask if he’s okay
  • jean hangs up on him
  • the producers never ask exy players to do any of it again
  • wymack is glad

Guys I’m gonna write this next because it’s been in my head for days now and I need to show y'all

Lucien being in some sort of triathlon or trivia competition with school and he gets the winning question of the game like,

“So and so was popular during this time period”

And Lucien calmly goes, “Trick question because that actually happened in the Victorian era and not the Edwardian”

And everyone’s losing their shit and Damien in the crowd lookin like the world’s proudest dad and afaydhebf

Guys I gotta write this

  • what i say: i'm fine
  • what i mean: tom didn't have to go that hard at lip sync battle. think about it. tom knew he was going against zendaya. he knew he was the underdog and that the crowd was probably gonna be filled with zendaya fans. he obviously knew he had to step up his game to even have a chance. he had to impress the crowd to win. he knew this. and i get this. but instead of doing something slightly above average, his extra ass decided to talk shit™ about z before and during the show, call her iconic performance 'average', do a nelly song, you know just to fuck everyone's shit up, then for his second performance he comes out in a ridiculous big suit and gets everyone confused. to top it all off he comes out in full drag, including a wig, self applied lipstick and fishnets. all this to sing umbrella while dancing in the rain, grinding his umbrella and shaking his lil ass. again i get it, my boy wanted to win, but wow-
Full Script: History of Japan

 Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫beautiful♫

In the year -1,000,000,000, Japan might not have been here. In the year -40,000, it was here and you could walk to it; and some people walked to it. Then, it got warmer, some ice bergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of trees because it’s warmer.

So now, there’s people on the island. They’re basically sort of hanging out (in between the mountains), eating nuts off trees, and using the latest technology like stones and bowls.

Ding dong. 

It’s the outside world and they have technology from the future like really good metal and crazy rice farms. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own a farm, you own a lot of food. Which is something everybody needs to survive. So that makes you king. 

Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. But this one was the most most important. Ruled by a “heavenly superperson” or (emperor) for short. 

Knock knock. Get the door, it’s Religion.

The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. 

“Please try this religion.” he said. 

“No.” said everybody. 

Try it” he said. 

No.” said everybody again, quieter this time. 

And so, the religion was put into place and all of the rules that came with it. 

Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.

“Hi, China.” They said.

“Hi, dipshitsaid China.

“Can you call us something else, other than ‘dipshit’?” said Japan.

“Like what?” said China. 

♫How about sunrise land?said Japan.

And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves. And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. Then, they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. Right here. And they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. 

A rich hipster named Kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits China, and learns a better version which is more ♫spiritual♫, comes back, re-invents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫great for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. 

So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals

♫Hire a samurai

Everyone started hiring samurai. 

  • *Rich important people hired samurai. 
  • *Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.

The samurai became organized and powerful; more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government here. They let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. 

Breaking news. The Mongols have invaded China.

“W̖͖̣̬̰̮͐ͯͩ̔͊e̥̜͕̱̝̓ͅ'̇ͪͫͮ́̈́v̞̼͍̿̋͌ê͓̜͎̪̼̻̦̆ i͈̣̬̘n͖̹͈̫͚͎͇͊ͬv̮͈͕͚͔͆́̌͊̀a̦̓d͆̄̄͊̃ͦ͒ḛ̖̮̭̦̗̾̈́̃ͪ̈́d̐ͧ C̘͒͑̃͒ͥ̚h̻̖̯̝̠̩͎̎̉̓̿̂̈́i̫͎̬͈̎̿̈́̆̄ͭn͙̮͉̖̑͛̿͗̚a͙̼͆.͈͇̠͖̭͎͍ͧ̆̍̆̂̆”said the Mongols. 

“Please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.”

“Okay.” said Japan. 

So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. Then, the emperor overthrows the shogun. Then, the shogun overthrows them back, and moves to Kyoto and makes a new shogun. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. 

♫Now there’s more art

Painting with less colors. Collaborative poetry. Plays. Monkey fun. Tea parties. Gardening. Architecture. Flowers. 

It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun?

Usually, it’s the shoguns kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says, “Okay.” But then the shogun has a kid. So now, who’s is going to be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care. He was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces.

Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.  

Knock knock. It’s Europe.

No, they’re not here to take over. They just want to sell some shit like clocks and guns and ♫Jesus♫. So that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns. And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital? Which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. 

This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. Surprise. The smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well. He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him. And then someone else who works for him kills them. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords, and made some rules. 

“And now I’m going to invade Korea and then hopefully China.” he said. 

And failed.

And also died.

Before he died he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said, “Yeah, right. It’s not gonna be this kid. It’s gonna be one of us because we’re grownups.” And it’s probably gonna be this guy, who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight and he wins and starts a new government right here. 

♫~Edo~

And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. But don’t get confused; this is the new government and they are (very strict). So strict, that they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in, except for the Dutch, if they want to buy an sell shit. But they have to do it right here

Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, population increased a lot. Business increased. Schools were built. Roads were built. Everyone learned to read. Books were published. There was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. 

People started studying European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.

Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down. 

Knock knock. It’s the United States. 

With huge boats (with guns). Gunboats. 

Open. The country. Stop having it be closed.” said the United States.

There’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets the United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want. Choshu and Satsuma hated this. 

“That sucks.” they said.

This sucks!”

And with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogun, and somehow, made the emperor, the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed, “Eastern Capital.” They made a new government, which was a lot more western. They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. And a military that was… Pretty western. 

And do you know what else was western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So, what can we conquer? Korea. They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, and Russia rushes in out of no where and says, “Stop. No, you can’t take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” 

And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. And then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuck ton. Did I say “downgrade”? I meant “upgrade.” 

And Japan says:

Can you maybe chill?

And Russia says:

“How about maybe you chill?”

Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who’s also kind of scared of Russia. Great Britain. So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. 

♫~It’s time for World War 1~

The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s and weapons are getting crazy. And all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̞͇̲̗̖̥͚̬o̬̹͖̜ͅr̞̫͚e̲̹͉̩ and the next thing on their list is this part of China and lots of tiny islands. 

All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, which was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia, who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Seriba’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Or, actually, shot him in the head. And Britain was currently friends with Japan, so you know what that means. Duh.

♫Japan should take the islands♫

Which, they wanted to do anyways. So they called Britain on the tele to sort of let them know. And then they did it. And they also helped Britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. 

Now the war is over and, congratulations, Japan. You technically fought in the war, which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And, yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. You also get to join the post-war mega alliance.

♫The League of Nations

Whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. 

The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria, and the League of Nations is like:

No, don’t do that, if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!”

And Japan is like:

♫~ How about I do, anyway?~

And Japan invaded more and more and more of China and was planning to invade the entire east.

You’ve got mail. 

It’s from Germany. The new leader of Germany. He has a cool mustache, and he’s trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common. 

♫~It’s time for World War 2~

Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors neighbors, then the neighbors neighbors neighbors who happen to be Britain said, “Holy shit♫" And the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫Good friends♫. And started not helping Japan because their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean♫. The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case. But they still haven’t joined the war. War looks bad on T.V., and the United States is really starting to care about their image. But then Japan spits on them in Hawaii, and challenges them to war. And they say, “Yes.” And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the Unites States also. 

So the United States goes to war in Europe and they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany and they also start chasing Japan back into Japan, and they haven’t used the bomb yet and are curious to see if it works. 

So they drop it on Japan. 

They actually drop two.

United States installed a new government inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫post-war economic miracle♫. And Japan starts making T.Vs, V.C.R.s, automobiles, and camcorders, as fast as they can, and also better than everybody else. 

They get rich and the economy goes wild. And then the miracle wears off. But everything’s still pretty cool, I guess. 

♫Bye.

So im fairly new to DnD and so is the rest of my group. I DM and the party is made up of a Half-elf Bard(Cirdan), a Half-orc Fighter(Bodacious)[They are by the way half brothers in their backstory], and a NPC Halfling Ranger(Aaerik, pronounced like “eric”). The adventure they are going through involves them going into a bar in an abandoned town and being held against their will to play a game of cards against the Moon God.

DM: So who’s gonna play cards with Mooney( moon god’s alias)
Cirdan: Cirdan, The Fantastical Bard, will take him on.
Bodacious(ooc): Wait, dude, no. Im gonna do this. Im proficient with this game.
Cirdan(ooc):What, no. Im doing this.
Bodacious(ooc):No. Bodacious is drunk out of his mind and he is going to be the one to play this game.
Cirdan(ooc): Wait, what? No no no. Im not gonna play, Im gonna win.
DM:Wait, what
Cirdan(ooc): I use Slight of Hand on Mooney’s cards.
DM:…
(He won)

We all need some sweet fluff right now. Here, have a cookie.


“Babe, I lied,” Magnus whispers to him as Jimmy Kimmel goes through his opening monologue, talking at length about Isabelle’s movie and its twelve nominations.

Alec frowns, turning to face him. “What?”

“I lied,” Magnus repeats, and his voice trembles just slightly enough for Alec to know he is serious. “I’m not cool about this. At all.”

He smiles the most reassuring smile he can muster, bringing Magnus’ hand up to his lips to kiss the back of it. “I know,” he murmurs. “It’s gonna be alright. You’re allowed to be nervous, it’s okay. I’ll be just here and hold your hand.”

“If I die, I want you to raise Chairman Meow as your own,” Magnus tells him solemnly.

“He’s already my own,” he replies softly. “And you’re not going to die. You’re going to win that shit because you’re the best and Morgenstern can suck it.”

“Oh God, if he wins, I quit this career to move to a nice and warm country and become a tarot reader, I swear.”

Alec chuckles, rubbing his thumb on the back of his hand. “And where would that leave me?”

“As if I’d leave without you,” Magnus retorts at once and Alec smirks.

Imagine...Proving To Chuck That You Can Get The Archangels To Behave

Characters: Y/n, Chuck, Michael, Lucifer, Raphael, Gabriel

Pairing: Chuck x Y/n (GENDER NEUTRAL READER)

Warnings: Fluff, sorta angry reader but nothing serious, bratty ass Archangels, fluff, more fluff and then kinda hinted at smut at the end…

Word count: 875

Summary: Of course, Chuck thinks you won’t be able to discipline his powerful, archangel sons. But you’re determined to prove him wrong. 

A/N: Ok, so…requested fic by anon- Oh my God, I love all your one shots, they’re amazing! Could you please write male reader smut or fluff with Jensen, Benny or Chuck? That would be great!. Ok, so I made it gender neutral, and I went with Chuck and fluff. Also, sorry this took sooo long!! Hope u like it!!

Tagged peeps: @waywardsons-imagines @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @sallyp-53 @greyravenvixen @helvonasche @notnaturalanahi @wayward-mirage @riversong-sam @nerdflash @miss-miep @impala-dreamer @unknown-chronicles @chelsea072498 @deals-with-demons @plaidstiel-wormstache @impalaimagining @deathtonormalcy56 @the-latina-trickster @aingealcethlenn @squirrels-angels-and-moose @meganwinchester1999 @cubs2019-blog @lucifer-in-leather @p–trick @straightestgay-voice @professsionalsinner @deantheotherkingofkinks @50shadesofyes @lucis-unicorn @whispersandwhiskerburn @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell @colespriverdale @daddysxlittlexsunshine @atc74 @wonderange @mogaruke @aiaranradnay @totalwhovian @bloodstained-porcelain-doll  

Masterlist


“CHUCK! I SWEAR, IF YOU DON’T GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW, I’LL MURDER YOUR GODLY ASS MYSELF!”

You threw the pan down, a hole burnt through it as you glanced around your house.

Everything was a mess.

The couch was ripped up, the walls were scorched and there were holes in the floor.

Actual, huge holes, that seemed to be never-ending.

Then there were those four morons, all sat on the floor, looking down like a bunch of five year olds.

“You gonna tell me what the hell happened?”

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A Sweet Dare

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: language, fluff, crack (not the drug guys…)

Word count: 931

Summary: Dean tries to change the reader’s opinion on something that is very very important to him…

A/N: This fic was not planned whatsoever. I had this idea and simply had to write it down. I hope you like it!

Originally posted by devoiddean

“You can’t be serious Y/N!” Dean hollered at you.

“Dean… so what? You’re totally overreacting!” you rolled your eyes in annoyance. The older Winchester had a tendency to be overprotective when it came to things he loved dearly but enough was enough.

He put his hand on his hip like an offended middle aged women with hot rollers in her hair. His eyebrows shot up as he opened his mouth to continue on with his rant.

“Umm, I personally don’t think I’m overreacting at all. In fact Y/N, my entire view on you just changed. I don’t get how you could ever say something like that?! Seriously, I’ve never met someone who thinks the way you do. I currently doubt whether or not you’re even friggin human!”

“DEAN! Just calm the fuck down! It’s just my opinion. You can have your own. Can’t we simply agree to disagree? This is getting ridiculous…” with open arms you took a step towards him but all he did was putting his index finger up, signaling that he was nowhere near done.

“You. said. that. pie. tastes. gross,” Dean punctuated every word as if doing that would make you understand why he was reacting the way he did. Of course, you knew how much he loved pie but you simply didn’t. Why was he making such a big deal out of it?

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Chinese Takeout-(Stiles Stilinski)

Originally posted by thealpha

Characters: Allison Argent, Kira Yukimura, Scott McCall, Isaac Lahey, Coach Finstock, Stiles Stilinski and (Y/N)

Warnings: none?

Pairing: hint at Stiles x Reader

Word Count: 1243

Summary: Stiles, out of nowhere, involves you in the tradition that takes place every lacrosse match Beacon Hills plays.


Stiles Stilinski. The schools weird kid with an endless supply of sarcasm. Stiles, who’s both a naturally smart kid like his dad and on the lacrosse team. Stiles Stilinski, the guy who I have a raging crush on for 3 agonizing years. 

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psychic: reads my mind
me: japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♫ beautiful ♫ in the year negative a billion japan might not’ve been here. in the year negative 40,000 it was here. and you could walk to it. and some people walked to it. then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island and now there’s lots of ~trees~ (because it’s warmer.) so now there’s people on  the island, they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. like stones. and bowls. ding dong, it’s the outside world and they have technology from the future. like really good metal. and crazy rice farms. now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. that means if you own the farm, you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to /survive/. so that makes you king. rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. the most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here and here. but this one was the most most important, ruled by a “heavenly superperson”, called emperor for short. knock knock. get the door, it’s religion. the new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from baekje. “please try this religion,” he said. “no,” said everybody. “try it,” he said. “no,” said everybody again, quieter this time. and so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. then the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms, like making the government govern more, and making the government more like china’s government, which is a government that governs more. “hi china,” they said. “hi dipshit,” said china. “can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said japan. “like what?” said china. “♫ how about sunrise land? ♫” said japan. and they stole china’s alphabet and wrote a book. about themselves. and then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. right here. and they conquered the north finally, get that squared away. a rich hipster named kukai is bored with modern buddhism, visits china and learns a better version which is more ~spiritual~ comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ~great~ for a long time. and the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country. so if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit from criminals? ♫ hire a samurai ♫ everyone started hiring samurai. (correction: rich important people hired samurai. poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai.) the samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. so they made their own military government, here. they let the emperor still be “emperor”, but the shogun is actually in control. BREAKING NEWS the Mongols have invaded China. “we’ve invaded china,” said the mongols. “please respect us, or else we might invade you as well.” “okay,” said japan. so the mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornado. but they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the japanese but then died in a tornado. then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to kyoto and makes a new shogunate. and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine. ♫ now there’s more art ♫ like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. it’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun? usually it’s the shogun’s kid. but the shogun doesn’t have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. he says ok. but then the shogun has a kid. so now who’s it gonna be? vote now on your phones. and everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. the shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. and the whole country broke into pieces. everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game. knock knock. it’s europe. no, they’re not here to take over (yet) they just wanna sell some shit. like clocks. and guns. and ~jesus~. so that’s cool, but everyone’s still fighting with each other for control. now with guns!! and wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? this clan is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. surprise, the smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital, and it goes very well. he’s about halfway through conquering japan when someone who works for him kills him, and then someone else who works for him kills them. and that guy finishes conquering japan. and then he confiscated everybody’s swords and made some rules. “and now i’m going to invade korea, and then hopefully china,” he said and failed, and also died. but before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of japan. and the five guys said “Yeah, Right. it’s not gonna be this kid. it’s gonna be one of Us. cuz we’re /grownups/.” and it’s probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. a lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. they have a fight, and he wins, and starts a new government, right here ~Edo~ and he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor and have very nice things. but don’t get confused. this is the new government, and they are very strict. so strict they closed the country. no one can leave, and no one can come in. except for the dutch, if they want to buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here. now that the entire country was not at war with itself the population increased a lot. business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published, there was poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and dutch studies. people started to study european science from books they bought from the dutch. we’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, maybe even electricity. over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow down- knock knock. it’s the United States. with huge boats. (with guns) (gunboats) “open the country. stop having it be closed.” said the united states. there’s really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets united states, britain and russia visit japan anytime they want. choshu and satsuma hated this. “that sucks.” they said. “this sucks!!!!” and with almost very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate, and somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to edo which they renamed eastern capital. they made a new government which was “a lot more western”. they made a new constitution that was pretty western and a military that was pretty western. and do you know what else is western? that’s right, it’s conquering stuff. so what can we conquer? korea. they conquer korea, taking it from its previous owner china, and then go a little bit further. and russia rushes in out of nowhere and says “stop, no, you can’t take that. we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” and russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shit ton of soldiers. and then when the railroad was done they downgraded to a fuck ton. (did i say downgrade? i meant upgrade.) and japan says “can you maybe chill?” and russia says “How About Maybe You Chill?” japan’s kinda scared of russia. you’ll never guess who’s also kinda scared of russia. great britain. so japan and great britain make an alliance together so they can be “a little less scared of Russia”. feeling confident, japan goes to war against russia, just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop. ♫ it’s time for World War 1 ♫ The World is about to Have A War because it’s the 1900’s and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. meanwhile japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m o r e and the next thing on our list is this part of china and lots of tiny islands. all that stuff belongs to germany, which has just had war declared on them by britain, because britain was friends with belgium, which is being trespassed by germany in order to get to france to kick france’s ass because france is friends with russia who is getting ready to kick austria’s ass because austria is getting ready to kick serbia’s ass because someone from serbia shot the leader of austria’s ass. (er, actually shot him in the head.) and britain is currently friends with japan, so you know what that means? duh. ♫ japan should take the islands ♫ which they wanted to do anyway. so they called britain on the tele to sort of let them know. and then they did it. and they also helped britain a little here and there with some errands and stuff. now the war is over and congratulations japan you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table with the big dudes where they decided who owns what. and yes, japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from germany. you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫ the League of Nations ♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world. the great depression is bad and japan’s economy is now crappy. but the military is doing just fine and it invades manchuria. and the League of Nations is like “no, don’t do that, if you’re in the league of nations you’re not supposed to take over the world!” but japan said ♫ how bout i do anyway? ♫ and japan invaded more and more and more and more of china and was planning to invade the entire east. You’ve Got Mail it’s from germany. the new leader of germany. he has a cool moustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. this also got forwarded to italy, and they all decided to be friends because they have so much in common. ♫ it’s time for World War 2 ♫ (the sequel) germany is invading the neighbors. then they invade the neighbor’s neighbors. then the neighbor’s neighbor’s neighbors, who happened to be britain said “holy shit” and the united states started helping britain because they are ♫ good friends ♫ and started not helping japan because ♫ their friends and our friends are not friends ♫ ♫ plus they’re planning on invading the entire ocean ♫ the united states is also working on a large very huge bomb, bigger than any other bomb, ever™, just in case. but they still haven’t joined the war. war looks bad on tv, and the united states is really starting to care about their image. but then japan spits on them in hawaii and challenges them to war, and they say yes. and then germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the united states also, and so the united states goes to war in europe. and they help the gang chase germany back in to germany, and they also start chasing japan back into japan. and they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on japan. they actually drop two. united states installed a new government inspired by the united states government with just the right ingredients for a ♫ post-war economic miracle ♫ and japan starts making tvs, vcrs automobiles and camcorders as fast as they can and also better than everybody else. they get rich and the economy goes wild and then the miracle wears off but everything’s still pretty cool i guess ♫ bye ♫
psychic: what the fuck

Undercover•Shawn Mendes

Request: Can you write an imagine where you and Shawn are both famous singers and are dating, then you both see each other on the red carpet and cuteness ensues.

A/N: !!!!Famous couple AU!!!! Wrote this one over the past couple of days, hope you like it anon 😉👀 ( @sofiathearab I kno it was u)

requests? Open? I think so

Warnings: N/A (unless you’re offened by a misspelled worrd) ;)

Originally posted by illuminateshawn

MASTERLIST - Hey come and check out some of my other mildly average writing!


The lights dimmed on the stage, leaving Sofia – pop music extraordinaire Sofia – cloaked in darkness. The house lights went up just as the crowd erupted in cheers, making the grin on the singers face push up into her cheeks even further and adrenaline course through her body.

She turned to thank her band and Graham Norton, the host of the talk show she was performing on, came running over. “Wow! Sofia everybody!” He shouted into his mic and Sofia blew a couple of kisses out into the crowd before meeting Graham halfway.

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Quarterback Comeback - Chris Evans

Request: Okay so you wrote the Falcon fan story, think you can write one where the reader is a Patriots fan? Because if I had been at that game I would have been flipping out right along side him! & 

Request: Hey, do you think you can write a Chris Evans x Reader at the Superbowl, she’s also a Pats fan, and sooo much into the game. And they both yell the same thing at the same time and Chris notices her and like immediate crush, please?

A/N: Sorry if this is a bit cramped or any sort of football terminology is off, I tried to be accurate as I could. I even watched highlights of the game and went on the NFL website to look up the players, lmao. I hope this is good for both requests! Lots of love - R .x 

people: Chris!SuperBowl - Reader ft. Scott Evans & Jeremy Renner

warnings: nope.


“Yeah! Fuck yeah! Is this was euphoria feels like? Cause I’m high as a fuckin’ kite, that was sick, man!” You gave a double high five to Renner before turning to take a sip of your beer, which was missing. 

What the fuck, who takes a beer at the Super Bowl? Are we savages?

“Chris, I think someone stole my beer, Imma go get another-” Just as you were searching through your purse you glanced up at your boyfriend to see him frozen, with a beer situated right on his lips.

Popping up, you snatched your beer out of the thieves hands. Putting it on your other side knowing Renner would spit it out any of the beer if he decided to steal it. It was Bud Light and Renner was too fancy for that shit, so he says.

“Hey! Asshole! Ain’t you got millions? Get your paws off my drink!” I poked at Chris’s Patriot covered chest and saw those blue eyes begin their trick of puppy dog eyes, the ones I never could resist from him, ever.

“I thought we share now? Besides, it’s like God is upon us now! We have a fucking lead we’re so close, babe. We’re gonna win. I know it. Forget the beer we are going to be champions again-” We swing our heads as Scott yells out for us to look out onto the field- oh fuck.

“BRADY! FUCK YEAH! OH, MY GOD! YES, YES YES!”

“BRADY! FUCK YEAH! OH, MY GOD! YES, YES YESSSSSSSS!”

You saw your second boyfriend (to be fair, Chris didn’t really care and actually would agree anytime you talked about how Tom’s ass looked damn fine in his uniform. 

“Are you two fuckin’ like psychic? What the hell?” You both turned to Renner and rose a brow to him,

“What do ya mean?” Chris took a swig of his own beer can, and let his eyes drift back and forth to the field as Brady got Pat’s for his slide into the 40-yard line.

“You two have been yelling the same thing at the exact same time for like twenty minutes, I’d think you’ll we’re from the shining if you guys weren’t fuc-” 

Punching his shoulder you just smirked at Renner and shook your head, “It’s called telekinesis, Jer. We get it whenever we watch sports. It’s like all of a sudden we share a brain-” You took a slow glare to Chris jokingly, “And apparently beer’s now too…”

Chris only laughed and grasped your waist, pulling you snug into his side as the team set up again. “You think they’ll come back from 3 to 28?” 

Scott asked nonchalantly, only to have you and Chris simultaneously tell him, “Yeah we fuckin’ arah! We turning this steamboat around.”

You giggled at this weird formation that only now you realized looked probably quite disturbing outside of your mind and Chris’s as well. “We’re weird, aren’t we?”

“Yup. Psychos whose team is about to lock this shit down.” You gave Chris a peck to his arm before turning back to the game, only to see a goddamn miracle happen as White took a dive, landing a touchdown but just inches.

“Yeah! Oh, my! God!” You and Chris looked at each other with eyes filled to the brim with joy. Except, normally the passion that was in between you was not because a sweaty guy just got sacked by a bunch of other sweaty guys and managed to still land a touchdown.

“Still worried we ain’t gonna win, Scottie?” You leaned over and looked at Scott as he gave you a fuck off smirk and shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh good, god. I’m gonna have to have to Chris’s in my life now? Is this what it’s gonna be like, every time the Patriot’s get to the Super Bowl? Because if so, I’m gonna start charging you both for my additional weekly therapy sessions.” 

Chris just laughed loudly, clapping his heads as he threw his head back, obviously getting a bit Drunk Happy. You just chuckled to yourself and downed the rest of my beer, setting it aside and focusing back on the game.

                                                          …

You knew they were going to make a comeback, it was what New Englander’s did. We turned around in the last moments and came together to fucking smash the glass ceiling every time. We never stop and we don’t even let our minds wander in the final hours of the game. To see the ball make it across the white line, and into the zone, landing us Patriots, another. Fucking. Win.

Confetti went off as you and Chris jumped up and down, high from the electricity in the air of fellow Bostonians and Englander’s cheering the team for their miraculous victory. “Oh my god! Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah!” You shouted along with Chris as we roared with the fans. 

Taking in the victory of another win. Feeling Chris tug slightly on your arm made you turn towards him only to be picked up by the inward curve of your waist, and have a pair of beer tasting lips kiss you fiercely. Not bothering in holding back anything between you both as he kissed you with as much force as he could without pain. You draped your arms around his neck, letting your legs snake around his waist. Suddenly forgetting you were in public and people we most likely filming this. You frankly, give a damn, because your Quarterback was kissing from the victory. 

You almost pulled away from Chris with the love he poured into the kiss, feeling as if it was too much for your body to handle with all the excitement and beer running through you, right now. He pulled his head away and gave a dreaming, toothy grin that made you giggle softly into his neck while leaned in. You embraced the teddy bear of a man while swaying together back and forth in almost a hypnotic motion. Letting the cheers take you both different places. It was weird looking at everyone jumping and screeching, yet you’d just been that person who was tugging at their hair, grabbing anyone in sighting to tug them towards the scene below you, or even just shouting fuck over and over.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the chaos that surrounded you both, and the euphoria that laid in between are bodies, almost like we found a transportation device and we’re no longer at the stadium. We’re just together, loving one in another in a celebration of joy and love. After the last year, this win felt more than a victory for the Patriots, it felt like a win for you and Chris, personally. 

After the fights that you both went through together, united as one for the injustice that America was receiving these days, and much more to come, it sucked to believe tomorrow would resume normally. You kept in mind that in this moment, confetti popped and fell all around us, some catching even in your tangled locks.

“I mean, I hate to say this, Scott, but look how cute the Shining twins are? It’s like a football romantic dramedy!” Chris’s friend John teased you both as he pointed his camera towards us both, making Scott laugh and swat at John’s camera 

“Hey! It’s only during football season we become one. The rest of the time we are in a war together on who is better than the other at what. Let’s be honest, babe. I’m better, always.”

You slapped Chris on the chest and giggled, taking his unfinished Bud light from behind him, and slowly bringing it to your lips, “You keep telling yourself that, Buddy Boy. Just remember that we have film age of me kicking your ass all the way to Colorado in table tennis.”

“Shots already fired and we aren’t even out of the damn stadium yet!” Scott groaned, smacking his hand to his forehead. Jeremy let out a gruff laugh and patted my back as you situate yourself back on the ground again, fixing your top that had risen slightly.

“Congrats Scott on your newest sibling!” Jeremy teased to across at Scott who was smiling and shaking his head. “I’m in for a new hearing aid when they have a baby and becomes the ultimate super pat’s fan. Can you imagine?”

“Yes, I can, dork! And she’s also part of the team and is alongside all the best players and has gotten twenty super bowl rings so yeah!” You smiled at Chris delicately, as if he was suddenly made of glass. His voice never wavered when he replied to Scott, meaning he’d thought about our daughter in the NFL before. Not just making it up right now.

“Hmm, Baby Evans, Quarterback for the Patriots and winner of… a noble peace prize! I like that, babe. Let’s go start planning her future college fund, right now! Well, after we celebrate, then we can start her college fund and map out where she’ll play in college…”

Chris smiled and jumped for joy like a jumping bean suddenly made its way into his heart. Chris couldn’t help but dream about the perfection of you and him, crossed together to make the most amazing human being.

Chris knew that whatever gender, whatever personality, they’d have a Quarterback baby. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world to think about, though. He couldn’t help but smile more and more at the thought of a baby Evans wandering around during a future Super bowl, with a tiny Brady jersey on during the game.

Something to look forward too, in the next few years. 

At least that was Chris’s hope.


I can’t keep my Chris!Dad feels down, guys!!! I mean like look below, COME ONNNNN! They always come out in my writing, lol. I hope you enjoyed it! 

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