because you’re a different person.
because you don’t feel the same way anymore.
because we’re growing apart more every day.
because i’m scared to tell you how i feel.
because i think you’re only staying since it’d be easier than leaving because you tell me you love me but i don’t feel the same want and warmth now.
because i cried and begged and poured my heart out– left everything out on the table and you ignored all of it so easily.
because i think i’m being crazy and insecure and imagining things, but am i?
how did we go from laying in bed with my face buried in the nook of your arm, crying while you held me and told me things would be different this time. that it would be hard but you wanted me and us and a future together. that you loved me and we were partners and we would grow through life.
now i’m laying here wondering why i even told you what was bothering me. you brushed it off, made me feel like i was overreacting or being the crazy girlfriend. we didn’t even talk today. we don’t talk much anymore. maybe it is my fault. i didn’t see it happen, things were good and slowly we just stopped having things to say to each other.
how else do you react when you feel like you’re losing someone that’s supposed to be your person? i fought for him and our relationship– so he stayed. except i keep thinking back on everything i said and the silence i got in return. and it hurts and it scares me that he feels distant now. so i tell myself i am overreacting, i’m asking for too much. but he used to love that, he used to tell me he loved it when i texted him constantly, tell me sweet things throughout the day. i loved it. i miss it.
the moment i begin to feel insecure and doubt the other persons’ feelings, that’s when all hell breaks loose. thoughts race in my mind, jumping from conclusion to conclusion without a break.
i never had to question it before, that’s why i’m so terrified now. i thought telling him would make me feel better, but his reaction wasn’t what i’d expected.
he used to want to know what was going on in my mind, reassure me of my doubts. things aren’t the same anymore. i’m scared that it won’t be again. i’m not sure how to fix this. i love him more than anything and as much as i can’t stay with someone who doesn’t love me, i can’t bear to leave.