I’ve never really experienced tragedy- not by the world’s standard anyway. I’ve lost two grandparents I loved dearly, my dad had cancer, but those are hardships, not tragic. They’re difficult and trying times, but those things give you time to prepare and process as you watch them age or as you watch him ultimately be healed.
I never had a brother by blood, but God gave me three brothers anyway. Today, my brother met Jesus and I am experiencing tragedy. The words, “I don’t know how to tell you this,” have never carried so much weight. As his mom looked at me today and said, “he loved you, you loved him, he was your brother,” my heart broke as I realized they carried the past tense.
I don’t know how to process tragedy. It’s a shock to the system, it’s a numbing of your body, it’s a punch to the stomach. There is no preparing, there is no build up, they are just gone. I didn’t realize that as I posted for prayer warriors to pray earlier today, it was already too late. Here I find myself after a long day of crying, writing words I can’t fully feel; it doesn’t seem real. You’re not supposed to die at 25. You’re not supposed to have freak accidents and never wake up. I’m so frustrated with God because I will never understand.
If there is anything he taught me, it was to love life and make an impact with your every day. He loved people and he loved Jesus. I watched him walk out his faith, I watched him selflessly serve people around him, I watched him protect and care for those he loved. I was privileged to know him for 20 years of my life, to have so many memories as we grew from kindergarten kids to adults. He was a man I am so proud to have known and I fully believe his life will continue to have an impact, even in his death. He left earth living out the great commission- he left serving Jesus, being the hands and feet on a mission trip and I can’t imagine him wanting it any other way.
If there’s anything I learned today, it’s that life is short and whenever God is ready for you to come home- you’re going home. I miss you so much already. Life on earth will never be the same for me and so many others, but the joy you’re experiencing in the same moments of our mourning is incomparable. I will love Jesus better because of your death, I will tell my family and friends I love them more, I will hug longer. I can’t wait to hug you again, brother. I love you.