I’ve had the worst two years of my life (and that’s saying something) but earlier this year I found something that made me feel like I had a purpose, like me still being here mattered even just a little. My life revolved around it; it centered me. No matter how bad everything else got, I still had that. Then it got taken away and I just…I’m spiraling. I don’t know how else to describe it. It all feels so pointless now. Everything.
I checked myself into the hospital on Tuesday night because I thought it was the best and safest place for me to be, but being here hasn’t helped. I’ve been sobbing non-stop for three entire days, I haven’t slept, I haven’t eaten, I can’t remember having an anxiety/panic attack until this morning or if I have it’s never been that intense, my entire body has been shaking for hours and I can’t make it stop even though the nurses gave me meds to calm me down.
Until this week I’ve always found the dumbest reasons to not entirely lose it no matter how shitty my life got, but I think this finally broke me.
“What’s the point?”
I keep asking myself that over and over trying to come up with some answer and for once I’m drawing a blank. I thought there was one, but I don’t think that’s true for me anymore. Maybe I was wrong before. I don’t know. I actually don’t anymore.
Apparently IT is killing other movies at the box office (according to a THIS random mid day news thing on abc) and they’re talking about it and this lady said “is there anyone who can defeat pennywise, the dancing clown from IT?”…. like…. is that…. an accurate description???? I haven’t seen it? Is it s musical? Does IT channel Gene Kelly ????
i know i just posted selfies today but i am NO LONGER with green hair after having green (and purple, and blue) hair for like 6 months i decided to go closer yo my natural color and dye it black. i’m happy with the results even tho it makes me simultaneously feel older and like i’m back in my middle school emo phase.
Hey everybody, this is Griffin McElroy, your dungeon master, DM, best friend, friend, very good friend, lover?, life colleague, best buddy in the whole wide world, good good buddy, main man, dad, that guy who sat behind you in gym class, confidant, Harvey Fierstein, benevolent anonymous benefactor, long lost uncle, yoga instructor, bosom buddy, dirty little secret, partner in crime, dog…whisperer, personal trainer, fungeon master, worst enemy, guardian angel, personal trainer, personal chef, local handyman, onion blaster, weatherman, part time Spanish tutor, second hand news, other thing, sleepy time boy, local sheriff, personal chef, sommelier, ice skating trainer, a real human being and a real hero, big dog - big dog on campus, clock, just your best friend, not alone guy, trusted source for all the latest Hollywood gossip, secret santa, number one fan, oatmeal eater, local hvac repair person, number one 100% gamer boy, midnight boy, finale boy, tardy boy, your very grateful and very relieved cohost of the Adventure Zone podcast. Thank you for listening.
I’m no expert—I’m hearing and my understanding of American Sign Language is extremely limited—so please feel free to correct/add on to this! But I was just really struck by (and loved!) Elisa’s “F U” to Strickland in the above scene, which was featured at the end of the newly-released Red Band trailer for The Shape of Water.
Here, Elisa is literally signing “F” and “U” from the ASL alphabet, but what makes this so striking is that, by doing so, she’s not exactly speaking ASL—she’s fingerspelling English.
ASL is a completely separate language from spoken/written English, and fingerspelling is pretty much only used if there are no ASL equivalents for what needs to be conveyed, such as in the case of names. (In fact, when I was learning ASL, my teacher waited a while before teaching us the alphabet because she didn’t want us fingerspelling English instead of actually trying to sign!)
So the fact that Elisa uses fingerspelling here, when there are other ways in ASL to convey the idea of “fuck you,” says a lot. It says even more when you consider how she’s fingerspelling, since her fingerspelling here is not how a deaf person/someone who speaks ASL would typically fingerspell.
‘Cause fingerspelling? It’s fast. Extremely fast. Each letter flows smoothly into the next. When you fingerspell, it should be an incredibly fluid motion.
But here? That’s 110% not the case. Elisa is slow and measured. She holds out each letter nice and long. It’s the kinda way you’d fingerspell to someone learning ASL—and actually, my teacher would say to not even do that. If you slow down so much for them all the time, they’ll never be able to keep up with real ASL!
So, this scene? This scene with Elisa fingerspelling something that doesn’t need to be fingerspelled, in an incredible, deliberate, slower-than-college-WiFi pace? Well, Elisa is doing more than just dissing Strickland—she’s absolutely taunting him. She’s saying, “I’m speaking your language. I dare you to understand me.”
And she knows that he won’t. She’s speaking crystal clearly, no stuttering, no hesitance, no nothing, and Strickland can’t even be damned to attempt the basicASL alphabet because he would never, ever try to understand anything different from him.
And Elisa knows this and completely, totally rubs it in his bigoted face.
I really like the idea of Taako (and elves in general) having really long ears that move independently. Taako gets startled by something and the ears are standing straight up - Magnus realizes this within a week of meeting the twins and tries to sneak up on them all the time because that’s hilarious and also kind of adorable? (The twins don’t put up with that for long, and their retaliation is expertly planned and executed.)
The crew is scoping out a new world, or the boys are on a mission for the Bureau, and it’s suspiciously quiet. They’re all trying to listen for the noise of a nearby enemy and one of Taako’s ears perks up, swivels, and then lowers again while the other perks up instead. He doesn’t even know he’s doing it. The ears keep trading places.
When he’s tired, the ears are droopy. Ren can tell when he’s losing steam at work by their slow descent; if he’s determined to stay awake, they’ll twitch up every so often but it’s a losing battle. When he’s upset - very sad or angry - his ears will be at their lowest, brushing his shoulders. On bad days, the ears don’t move much at all.
Kravitz is fascinated. He’ll play with Taako’s ears, bothering them into twitching in all directions until Taako finally has to swat his hand away because for fuck’s sake Kravitz you’re going to get a face full of this stew if you don’t stop that shit I’m trying to cook go bother Lup. Kravitz does not bother Lup because Lup has already put up with a century of Barry bothering her ears and that is about the limit of her patience.
They haven’t been dating for terribly long when Kravitz compares Taako to a bunny the first time after a few drinks. Then Kravitz won’t let it go, and Taako wants to be annoyed but it turns into a pet name. Taako has never been in a relationship that involved pet names before; he doesn’t know what to do. At that point in his life, he’s not used to someone liking him so much. He still puts up a token resistance but it’s hard to be annoyed when Kravitz sounds that… genuinely affectionate. If he thinks he’s calling Taako that in public or in front of anyone Taako knows, though, he can look forward to ordering take-out for a month.