and happy holidays :)


The only one who can win against me is me!: Victor’s B-Day Special

An almost 2-month late update to:

Parts 1-5 of this Young!Victor -> Yuuri <- older!Victor comic series.

Happy Birthday, (both!) Victors! <3 May your days be filled with lots of Yuuris <3


  • [Yuuri Katsuki, Victor Nikiforov and Yuri Plisetsky are watching a movie together. There is a knock at the door.]:
  • Victor: Yurio, do you mind getting the door? I think Yuuri is asleep and I don't want to disturb him.
  • Yurio: yeah, whatever. *leaves room to open door*
  • Otabek: *begins playing Christmas music.* shhh *holds up card that says "tell them it's carolers"*
  • Victor: who is it?
  • Yurio: carol singers.
  • Victor: oh. Okay.
  • Otabek: *flips card* it reads: with any luck, next year I'll be the Grand Prix champion.
  • *flips card*: you'll be 16
  • *flips card*: and maybe your dads will let you date
  • *flips card*: but for now, let me say
  • *flips card*: without any hopes or agenda
  • *flips card*: because it's Christmas
  • *flips card*: (and on Christmas you tell the truth)
  • *flips card*: to me, you are perfect
  • *flips card*: and I will love you
  • *flips card*: until we both retire
  • *flips card*: merry Christmas.
  • Yurio: *smiles*
  • Otabek: *begins to walk away.*
  • Yurio: wait! *runs after him*
  • Otabek: *stops*
  • Yurio: *kisses his cheek* by the way, we don't celebrate Christmas until after the new year.
  • Otabek: oh.
  • Yurio: also my dads are watching that movie right now so they totally know what's going on.
  • Otabek: right. My bad.
  • Yurio: why don't you come inside?

i see you. girl with heart trapped bird in throat, swallowing around voices. having to force a smile and sit still and not run to the toilet. who is learning how to take body and uncarve it rather than slim it down. to let go. to uncount. to allow self to expand like a fire’s fingers, filled up with warmth. 

i see you, boy who is chewing a name that isn’t his. who is wearing baggy clothes and not flinching when they call you woman. who forces smile. who finds in his little sister a little bit of heaven inside of this hell. she glowers at every wrong pronoun. she tags all your presents with your true name. she doggedly and religiously calls you he. and even though it is a small voice - sometimes, when she is absent, it is only your voice - it is enough. 

i see you, broken heart. your smile never touches your eyes but you give as much time and love as has been taken from you. nothing makes you happy so you spend hours on the smallest project to make another person smile. you find the little things. you feign joy so as not to steal it from those around you. it sits heavy on your shoulders and you can’t breathe. 

i see you. girl who has to text her girlfriend under the table, whose hands shake when the aunt asks about boys. you who gets no gifts and you who gets gifts that only serve to remind you how little those you love know you. you who don’t get christmas messages or holiday cards or little reminders. who cowers in fear of holiday stress turning harsh hands harsher, who winces at memories of past nights that went bad in an instant. who gives to cover scars and who gives in the fragile hope of gaining back love. you who spent hours slaving over something handmade only to be laughed at, you who got all material and none of that essential intangible something that you’ve been yearning for these past months. you with nothing but numbness trying your best to be cheery for the day that makes you feel emptier than ever, you with the swinging emotions never sure if you’ll wake up on a good day, you who braces, you who endures. 

i see you. someone once told me that my illnesses make me a blizzard. a road hazard. we are those who unbuckle, who swerve unruly, who go too slowly or else speed reckless over ice patches, who have trouble seeing home through the whiteness. 

despite everything, i know we’ll find it.


Hold out your hand
Can you feel the weight of it
The whole world at your fingertips
Don’t be, don’t be afraid
Our mistakes, they were bound to be made
But I promise you I’ll keep you safe.

Happy birthday, VIKTOR.