and get back will all the feels again

Some More Cute Shit

I can’t stop

  • Damen is probably really good at back rubs, so he definitely loves treating Laurent after a hard days work (also it could be a way of getting him to sleep lord knows last time thats happened).
  • Damen and Laurent having fun remembering all the times they’d sneak food from the kitchens when they were wee babs.
  • They try sneaking food from the kitchens again, had a whole elaborate scheme using distractions and escape plans, the whole nine yards.
  • “…I feel like no one tried to stop us.” “Yes, that does take the fun out of things…”
  • Laurent probably goes to the stables himself to take care of the horses sometimes (and maybe dote on the one Damen gave him). He likes dealing with them better than people.
  • Damen eats a lot. Like, a lot. He’ll have like four plates when Lauren’t can’t even finish one.
  • Banquets are interesting because every time, Makedon will challenge Laurent to a drinking contest, and every time, Laurent will agree. Every morning after, he swears he’ll never do it again after getting Damen’s recap of the stupid shit he said/did.
  • “Jo-Jord. Tell King Damianos that I-I’d like to coURT him.” “I’m right here.”
  • Sometimes Damen will come into the bedroom and immediately rest his head somewhere on Laurent’s body (shoulder, back, lap, hand, etc). This is just a sign that he’s had a bad day and that Laurent should immediately start playing with his curls.
  • Damen definitely wants a beautiful, elaborate garden in their new kingdom and he refuses to have it any other way.
  • Laurent give him TWO beautiful gardens as a gift take that.
Love Yourself

Because you are your own worst enemy. In the end all you have to relay on is yourself.

Only you can be the best you can be. No one else can make you feel that way.

Remember that.

If you fall just get back up again. Try and try and don’t give up. Don’t listen to people who tell you you can’t do anything.

Because you can.

Remember someone out there cares about you too.

Enjoy life to the fullest. Because who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff.

If you hate someone try to walk in their shoes to understand them.

We all have a special talent you can do anything you set you mind to!

Love yourself because you are a true gem.

anonymous asked:

Any chance you' re going to visit the tattoo universe again? Absolutely love those stories!

Aw!! I’m so glad you love them!! I feel like they hardly got any love at all!!!! They were so much fun to write!!! I’ve thought about doing another Tattoo shop AU as a Frostiron?? Like tony goes to get a piece done for his mom on the anniversary of her death and pierced!tattooed!loki is his artist? And tony keeps coming back for more!

🐾 woof.  so I’m gonna go take a nap, but when I come back I wanna clear out my asks and also get stuff movin’ on this blog again. can’t just sit around at a standstill waiting for others, so!

in the meantime, while I go rest my poor eyes, mutuals feel free to like this for a one-liner starter to be done when I get back. I’ll pop by after my zzz’s to reblog it again before doing them and drum up some quick interactions. no cap (yet).

snooze time, pups!

More tagging Shit -

Tagged by @fleetofshippyships Thank you! 

Rules: you have to tag 15 people at the end of this challenge.

5 things you’ll find in my bag:

  • wallet
  • inhaler
  • small notebook I jot ideas down in
  • about 10 different tubed of lipsticks
  • nailfile

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom:

  • Funko Pop
  • My TARDIS quilt
  • ear rings all over the place
  • Laundry basket of clothes I keep telling myself I’ll put away
  • Shoes - TONS OF SHOES ALL OVER

5 things I’ve always wanted to do:

  • Drive to Alaska
  • Be a writer full time
  • Learn a second language
  • sky dive
  • bike all over the place! I mean long long bike trips

5 things that make me feel happy:

5 things I’m currently into:

  • Writing - duh
  • Reading - again, duh
  • Music
  • being lazy
  • that is it

5 things on my to-do list:

  • get back into the gym like i use to be
  • get a new job
  • save money to move the fuck outta this state
  • get a bike
  • be happy

I’m tagging @francowitch @otayuriistheliteralbest @sofia-altin @azaras-spirit @theinsanefox @yours-julie @zeldaismyhomegirl @baramini @the-stoned-ranger @ghostmoonchild @yurisucc @joelsweet @heyy-theeree @anakito @gaypen-guins @rodiniaorzetalthepenquin  @lori-walker-kc

Don’t know why but I feel like there is/was a bit of a hesitation for fashionable people to wear Converse again and I didn’t get it then nor do I get them now. I think they are the quintessential American product. Some people can look goofy in Vans or Nikes. Everyone looks good in a a nice clean (or dirty!) pair of them. They don’t have the scene kid baggage of Vans. I don’t get how Vans came back so quickly. I love them, but it’s like one day over night we all decided they are cool again.
25% Doctor!

It feels like I was just attempting to be better at posting updates when I fell off the planet again…

Originally posted by teentitanemily


welp, I’m back and I got big news medblr….

I PASSED MY FIRST YEAR OF MEDICAL SCHOOL OH DEAR LORD HOW DID I DO THAT??!?!

Originally posted by queenbeyoncegkc


Not going to lie, it was very stressful at the end. Our final systems block was Renal and it felt like getting punched in the kidneys everyday. Other responsibilities started to ramp up and lots of family and friends events all plopped right in the middle of it. But there is a lot of truth to the statement “Do the next thing.” It’s definitely why I made it through, and I don’t regret the stress of enjoying each thing as it came! I have this summer mostly off, other than clinic responsibilities and a basic research project. You’ll be hearing more from me, for real this time.

It’s good to be back :) 

I won’t be home today, but still going to try to read all the updates I missed. I probably won’t get too far lol. 



As for my own stories: I finally found something I’m excited to write, so I’ll be posting again. You’ll see a lot of restructuring going on for existing stories because that’s what I’m using to kind of pull me back into my stories and characters. I was going to wait until I finished Safe Harbor, but realized that the reason I always have a million stories going at the same time is that sometimes you just don’t feel like writing for one story, so you take the inspiration somewhere else. Not really a bad thing. 


My game demo is nearly complete officially, so I thought it was a good idea to take a breather. I’ve been staring at the same hour of game play for about a year LOL. So, here I am :)


Also, do you guys prefer I queue or just post everything I have in one shot?

I CHANGED MY ICON L O O K for the first time i actually like it ri p my ass

ok so uhhhhhh i said i was back on this blog but its a half truth bc these days im stuck in moving hell,,,,, literally everyone is moving in my family so im switching places until i get to move to my own flat

i moved to my brother’s & it feels like we’re 7 yrs old again asdfj!! ! ! ! i’ll try to queue some replies, i really want to, but i promise nothing sadly!!!!!!!!!

I just really really want to be thin and feel thin and feel good. If I could get over this stupid binging problem, I’d be tempted to restrict again. It was so much easier in high school when I wouldn’t eat all day until after school and ate low calorie. It felt good too. But I don’t want to get sucked into it or have it backfire by gaining weight back again. So even though I’m so impatient, I really need to gain control over food and get off my butt a little each day but not go overboard. But I just really need to see myself fucking shrink

5 days

Only a short while left till i get to be back out in the states with the one i love.

Being somewhere i can truly feel myself and truly feel at home yet again.

This last year and a half have felt like a prison sentence never being able to lay in bed at nite holding you close, feeling the warmth of your breath on my neck as you cuddle me from behind or seeing those cute faces you pull in your sleep.

knowing that i will get to do all of those things again so soon fills me with joy and excitement my hands tremble at the thought of seeing your face stood out in the crowd at the airport as i walk through the arrivals doors.

But as for know every day feels like a marathon to my heart till im finally sat on that plane.

I love you tons babe 😚😚😚

@ernestop96

anonymous asked:

Is ED weird at the moment or is it me? Why does everything feel so stop/start? You either get hit on the head with a storyline or it's not running at all. Take Aaron's abuse last year, that kept running slowly underneath even when Aaron wasn't there. You had his family members or friends mentioning it even if they were also involved elsewhere. It felt more smooth and real. Everything now seems much more... disconnected.

I think storylines have always been like that, you’d have a few weeks and then a break and then they’d pick back up again. But at the moment it is worse. I don’t know what is going on but you’re right on that’s it’s all feeling disconnected.

GEMINI: It’s really easy for people to criticize the choices you’ve been forced to make when they’ve never worn shoes as tattered as yours. The ground never seems rocky to anyone until they’ve personally experienced its brutality, and you’ve been braving the blood and the bruises for years without complaint. It’s okay to feel proud of yourself, for that. It’s okay to acknowledge the things that have made you who you are, even if those things haven’t always been beautiful or easy to talk about. Everything’s easier to appraise once it’s been given a voice.

CANCER: Stop convincing yourself that you don’t deserve the treasure chests that keep arriving on your doorstep. You’ve spent so long attempting to find the reason in your misfortune that you’ve incorrectly deduced that the only commonality between every pitfall is yourself. But you haven’t been factoring in how cruel the universe is, how angry it gets whenever something with a warm heart tries to touch what’s frozen. You’re finding all of this gold and compassion because it’s finally time for you to get what you’ve been giving to others. Take it.

LEO: You know, more so than anybody else, that it’s time to let go of the things that have hurt you, but there’s no easy way to say that you don’t know how to get rid of people that you’ve held so close to your chest. And maybe this says something about how much you try to give to others, all of the parts of yourself you’ve sacrificed for the comfort of soon-to-be-strangers. But the thing about leeches is that they drain you more often than they rid you of disease, especially in this season. And maybe this isn’t a leech yet, but it could become one, with time. Don’t let it.

VIRGO: It’s easy for you to ignore how much people truly care for you when you don’t feel as though you deserve it. The difficulty with this arises whenever you need help, as you’ve never learned how to ask for anything. So you let yourself feel distant from open palms and words of encouragement because you know you can do this yourself. While that’s true, you’re more than strong enough to conquer what’s been eating at you, it’s also true that the love that keeps getting shoved under your door is yours for the taking. It’s okay to pick it up. It’s okay to save it.

LIBRA: You’ve been peering out the window, comparing your reflection to everybody that passes by, and you seem to be forgetting that there’s a mirror right behind you. The only person that you need to measure yourself against is the person you were yesterday. I know it’s frustrating that progress too often moves like honey, and it’s impossible to see growth when you’re always with the thing that’s growing, but slow-motion is still motion. You may not be the person you want to be right now, but you will be. So turn around. Say hello to them.

SCORPIO: You were born with a shovel in your hand and you’ve been spending every moment since then dredging up the past. This is another way of saying that you have a lot of corpses buried in your backyard and despite the passage of time you’re afraid that they’re going to get up and walk away. Maybe come back as ghosts and haunt you, a reminder of what you’ve had to leave behind. But just because you’ve always had the tools to create self-doubt, it doesn’t mean you have to keep them on you at all times. It’s never too late to invest in a toolshed or try out gardening.

SAGITTARIUS: Have you found what you’ve been searching for, yet? Or, maybe a better question is “do you know what you’re looking for?” Because you’ve become an expert at donating your energy to a cause, any cause at all, and I’m starting to wonder if it’s all a distraction. If you’re struggling in the deep end and aren’t comfortable saying so. If you’re calling yourself a lifeguard because every atom of you is begging to be pulled out of the water. Baby, you’re so much more than a body that tries its best to save people. You’re worth more than what you’ve dragged out of the pool.

CAPRICORN: So many people that you care about have been falling into bad luck recently and it makes you feel so powerless. It’s as though you’re a minor character in your own life and you have to just sit back and watch the protagonist fuck things up in order to learn a lesson, or something like that. And I’m not going to lie and say that you’re able to have full control over every aspect of your life, because you never will. But remember that, despite all of this, every little thing you do to combat the world’s anger is a brave sort of rebellion. You are more than enough to the people you love.

AQUARIUS: There are a lot of people that you regret letting into your life and the memory of what you thought they’d be is making it hard for you to get out of bed. It’s okay to be sad, your feelings have only ever known the taste of validity, but know that nobody has the ability to ruin you. Someday they’re all going to regret setting fire to your bark when they realize how miraculous your leaves are in the summer heat, dancing in the breeze of late-night drives with people that want to keep you safe. Repeat after me: I am not damaged. I am not damaged. I am not damaged.

PISCES: I know that it’s hard to put faith in the moments of happiness you’ve been experiencing lately when so much of your life has been spent checking the clock and turning down the music, but you are not an airport or a train station. You’re a destination. And I know that you’re still getting used to the idea of being the subject of a travel brochure and that’s okay. It takes time to become comfortable with anything, even the good. Especially the good. The June air is buzzing and this is your time to shine. Don’t waste it.

ARIES: So, some eras of your life have been ending recently and that’s a little scary. Especially since you worked so hard to get what you’re holding. But they’re just making way for better adventures and happier moments and the only thing left for you to do is embrace that. Welcome change with open arms and it’ll be kind to you. I know there’s a voice in the back of your head saying “what if it all gets bad again” but you need to ignore that voice because it isn’t you. You are the person that’s endured and withstood and kept going. You’re the one that matters, here.

TAURUS: It’s been becoming more and more clear to you that out of all the people you’ve met and interacted with, there are very few you’d consider to be a “friend.” And I know that sometimes it feels like that’s all you’re ever going to get, but it isn’t. One’s hometown is, thankfully, never representative of the world in its entirety and there’s still so much you have left to see. Still so many souls that you’ll discover in the most mundane of places. You just have to keep your eyes open. I know it’s easier to sleep through the sadness, but you’re stronger than that urge, aren’t you? You are.
The mystery of Aang's blocked Chakra!

I don’t know if this has ever been mentioned or talked about before, but, guys, when Aang is fighting the fire lord he is forced to take refuge in a earth ball protecting him from the firelord if only for a little bit.

This is important. First, it’s literally Aang’s go to defense mechanism. His air ball he rides around on, the air ball he forms in his avatar state and it’s similar to the sphere he was “hiding” for a 100 years.

Think about it the creators are literally ending the story in almost the same way it began. Aang was forced to come out of his frozen airball by Katara and the need of the world. When he comes out Aang is all but still the same kid who ran away from his destiny and “failed” his people all those years ago.

Now he’s facing a man who feels no remorse over the slaughter of his people. Aang is forced back into a ball of protection all the while hearing how his people never even deserved to live and that he was weak. But Aang’s not weak he’s holding his own against Ozai. Everything Ozai is saying to belittle Aang is only filling him with more power even though his rock ball is breaking apart.

When it finally breaks the only element left is air. The element of his people. Aang knows he might’ve failed his people but he will not fail the world. He can’t disappear, he can’t run. He has to end this.

And then boom! Aang hits his back on a rock, directly on his lightning scar and then we get all these flashes of when he was shot down and flashes of all the past avatars. This whole scene stands to remind Aang that he cannot fail, not again.

Maybe it wasn’t significant enough in how he unlocked his chakra but after paying close attention to all the details in this round or rewatching I realized something about Aang’s blocked chakra.

People continue to assume that his chakra is still blocked because he refused to let Katara go, but in Crossroads of Destiny Aang literally blocks himself off from the fight to let Katara go in order to access the avatar state. He had to unblock this chakra to even enter the Avatar state which means letting Katara go wasn’t the reason his chakra was blocked after being struck down. I think the real reason is connected with how Azula struck him down, and the failure that comes with that. He lost that fight, he died. There is no getting around that and in the Awakening when Aang wakes up he feels like he failed the world all over again. This is made more obvious when Katara is treating his back and he is thrown back into the moment he was struck. He was watching the exact moment where he felt like he “failed” the world again.

Now we all know Aang has a major fear of failure and this just adds to it. By letting himself be struck down he let himself fail. Thus this is how his chakra is blocked.

And now in Sozin’s comet Aang is backed up into a wall, trying to avoid the Firelord knowing that if he gives up he fails the world, again. But then he’s thrown into a rock, forced to relive how he failed the world and he resolves deep inside himself that he’s not going to fail again. He forcibly reminds himself of who he is. He is not just the last airbender but he is the Avatar. And he will defeat the Firelord. This is why he finally is able to access the Avatar state in the finale.

And then it’s a big slap in the face to Ozai when Aang comes out of the rock and latches onto his beard and sends him on the run. Because how dare he call the Avatar weak. How dare he call airbenders weak, call Aang’s people weak. In these moments Aang is not only feeling fear of losing the war but also unbelievable rage at Ozai for saying all this things. But this time when Aang enters the avatar state and with the help of the past avatars he can control his emotions and channel them into defeating the Firelord.

Not to mention that the first strike Aang throws at Ozai is a powerful windgust, because even though he’s feeling the power from all four elements, air is rooting him and letting him stay in control of his Avatar state. And this is the reason Aang can stop himself from killing Ozai. Aang is in control and stays true to his people.

And that ladies and gentleman is my reading of Aang and Ozai’s fight. This show means way too much to me.

A Lesson in Love (The Reunion)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3,837

A/N: This is the second to last part in the series, babes. We’re almost done with this journey. 

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - you truly are the best of the best when it comes to editing (and everything else too)

Originally posted by captaincentenarian

You’ve walked the length of this hallway more than a dozen times before. Hundreds, if you count the amount of times you’ve strolled through the hallway in your apartment, one that is a spitting image of the one you’re standing in now. Your familiarity with the small space should make the journey from where you’re standing to where you need to be easy.

Should.

Every time you’ve made this walk, it was never with the knowledge that what’s waiting for you at your final destination had the potential to change everything.

Keep reading

My darling @blacktofade‘s birthday was, uh, two months ago, so here I am, ten years late with her birthday present. ILU BB!! If this lil au seems like it should be a full-length fic, that’s because it desperately tried to be, and I had to keep chopping at it to keep it under control, like some kind of rouge hedge on meth. (Now on AO3!)

In the hours after the fight, Stiles drives and drives and drives. At first it’s late, and then it’s so late that it’s early, but he keeps on driving, fueled by anger, mostly in silence, though somewhere around the middle of Pennsylvania he thaws enough to put on some music. He stops at a rest stop just past the Ohio border to get a breakfast sandwich, and as he sits at a dirty table and eats, he thinks: shit.

Doubt begins creeping into his thoughts; maybe he’d been too hasty. Maybe he should have given Jay a chance to explain - but no, no, fuck that. He’d always made it really fucking clear that if their relationship ever got to the point where cheating seemed like a good option, he’d rather just be broken up with and yet look what fucking happened. Stiles scoffs scornfully, chucking the wrapper to his sandwich in a nearby trash can. Two and a half years down the drain.

Refreshed by a new wave of anger, Stiles heads back to his car and gets back on the highway. He manages to wrangle his phone from his pocket and, ignoring the multiple text and missed call notifications, he calls his dad, who picks up with a sigh.

“You know what time it is?” his dad asks, and Stiles looks at his dash guiltily. He’s been so worked up that he forgot about the time difference - or the fact that even on the east coast, it’s early, the sun barely above the horizon.

“Sorry,” Stiles says with a wince. “I’ll call back later.”

“It’s fine,” Dad says with another sigh. “I just got home from an overnight shift. Everything all right? You’re not usually up before ten.”

Stiles opens his mouth and then closes his mouth, startled by the raw ache in his eyes.

“Stiles?” his dad presses, somehow gentle and sharp at the same time; Stiles is worrying him.

“I’m - ” Stiles clears his throat, tapping his fingers against the wheel. “Um. How would you feel about me moving home for a while?”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

consider this for a prompt: the team is in the lounge, post practice, just lazing around and doing nothing; the tv is on; no one is really paying attention when andrew suddenly turns rigid; deep breaths; unfocused eyes; the reporter is relaying a shocking revelation about a man abusing the foster kids in his care; hisfacehisfacehisfacetheyareshowinghisface (-i cannot tell why my mind is such an angsty bitch but here we are)

(this is a specific and excellent prompt and I’ve been anxiously awaiting its place in line <3)

He’s boneless when he climbs out of the shower, feet tender on the glossy tile, breath sitting high and tight in his chest. Neil likes pacing through his routine after practice, adrenaline relaxing its grip on him finger by finger, change-rooms echoing and empty. He strings his wet hair up in a fresh bandana and shrugs his armbands up over flushed, shower-damp forearms. He lets the practice pull at his muscles and drafts new line-ups and drills in his head.

His teammates are back in the lounge, dotting the furniture, all of their aggression leached out of them, and he feels joy rip his chest like popped stitches. Good feelings are always more brutal than bad ones, he’s come to understand. Stronger, harsher.

He gets a round of raised hands and snappy greetings when he walks in, mostly lost in the rustle of plastic bags as Wymack and Abby unload sandwiches onto an overcrowded table.

Wymack licks stray sauce off of his thumb and points at Neil with his other hand. “Come pretend you’re civilized and eat at the table. I don’t want ranch on my couches again.”

Neil shrugs and pulls a chair out at the head of the table. Matt winks up at him, and the rest of the foxes pass wrapped and pressed sandwiches down the line. They chat and rustle, Aaron snaps for serviettes until Wymack smacks his hand away, Kevin eats his sandwich with a knife and fork. Everything smells like tangy pesto and sweet fresh bread.

“Get Andrew over here, will you?” Wymack asks distractedly. Neil glances over at Andrew, installed on the couch with his back towards them. His hair has been bleaching in the sun recently, and he’s easily the brightest thing in the room.

“Andrew,” he calls, accepting his own sandwich when it’s waved in front of him, distracted from the back of Andrew’s head.

“You really put an effort in,” Nicky teases, rolling his eyes.

“I’m not moving him if he doesn’t want to be moved,” Neil replies, unconcerned. His food is warm in his hands, chicken and cranberries and cheese peeking out of brown bread and wax wrapping.

“That’s bullshit,” Matt says, mouth full. “You know you could.”

“I don’t know why you still think I have that kind of power.”

“Uhh maybe because he does impossible favours for you? And like. Kisses your face when we’re not looking? I dunno, just a thought,” Dan says sarcastically, peeling onions out of her sandwich.

“Andrew,” Neil repeats, exasperated. When he looks over again Andrew hasn’t moved, fixed and steady as always. His shoulders are moving fast though, breath coming hard enough that Neil can hear it from across the room. His stomach throbs, intuitive and scared. 

Keep reading

Soulmate AU

…in which your skin gets colder everytime you get a heartbreak - either being hearbroken or break one, till the pont you are literally freezing to death. But when you touch your soulmate the first time, you get your warmth back.            Not that they are sad or crying all the time - just that they get colder and colder, until maybe their skin is blue one day.
And maybe, when your soulmate dies, you die with him/her because it breaks your heart so hard, it literally breaks into little pieces of ice? 

Imagine just … Someone walking around with blue skin, because they were left so often, meeting a someone in a coffee shop, handing them over their coffee and suddenly, they feel warm again?

Or what is about people, who like to watch movies and shows and read books and are too empathic for the world, so when they see their character heartbroken, they feel that themselves. 

Or someone, who is cold as ice and tries to hide it, being all sarcastic and everything, but one day, meets his soulmate and is totally flashed by the feeling.

We live in a small, musty dorm room
but it’s perfect because it is the first place
we’ve ever lived alone.
We put plastic bottles of vodka
in our tiny refrigerator and laugh.
We watch reruns of our favorite childhood shows
and sleep until noon.
The boy I love never visits.
The boy you love visits
until you break his heart.

We live in a four-bedroom apartment
just the two of us. And even with all that space,
we’re usually in the same room.
We throw parties more often than we should.
There is a designated place that I go when I’m drunk
to cry. You always know where to find me.
The boy I love comes over and ignores me.
The boy I love comes over and kisses me.
The boy you love comes over and you break his heart
again. The boys stop coming.
It’s just us.

I live in my parents’ house but my parents are gone.
It’s strange, this open space, this haunting.
A boy loves me but I don’t love him back.
He stays on Skype while I fall asleep.
I don’t know how long he waits to hang up
but when I wake up, everything is new again.
I stop answering his calls when I fall in love
with someone else. Soon, I know him
and his apartment as well as my own.
Soon, I don’t know what I did before him.
I show him my childhood bedroom and smile.

We live in a house a mile away from campus.
The boy I love helps us move in. He’ll be gone
before we move out but we don’t know that yet.
I would have screamed if someone had told me.
We lose things slowly that year, incrementally,
one piece at a time. We don’t notice until everything is gone.
This house, this time, is the last of the golden time.
We would have screamed if someone had told us
what was coming.

We live in a two-bedroom apartment with no natural light.
It’s our last year of living together so we make a small effort
to decorate, but end up leaning a picture against a wall
for six months before mounting it.
Things are getting bad and my mother is calling you
to make sure I’m breathing in my room.
Things are getting bad and we’re hiding in our apartment
sealed against it all, watching bad TV shows and eating
Chinese food. In this apartment, we feel lucky.
We feel protected. It is the last of these moments.
At the end of our lease, I fall in love again.
This one sticks.

I am back at my parents’ house
and you are in an apartment across town.
The first time I visit, it seems so strange
that you have to give me directions to where you live
after so many years of living down the hall from you.
This year, it’s your turn for things to get bad.
This year, it’s my turn to comfort you.
I try my best. It’s not enough.
I try harder.

I am still at my parents’ house
and you are still in the apartment across town.
Now, we are both mourning and both comforting.
You are watching someone you love die
and I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that
my own body is trying to kill itself.
Neither of these things are easy.
We look back at the early years and laugh
at what we thought we knew of grief then.
We do our best. It’s not enough.
We do worse.

We drive two hours away to look at a new house
in a new city. We sleep in the same bed
in a mid-priced hotel room and eat breakfast burritos.
We drive to the new house and meet my new roommate.
I have never lived with anyone other than you
but we like her, so I sign the lease.
You go back to your apartment.

I live in the new house in the new city
and the worst thing happens.
When the worst thing happens,
you tell me in a text message
and I call your mother then pack my car.
I drive two hours to your apartment
and sit with you. We watch TV.
We eat burgers. We do the things that need to be done
when the worst thing happens.
At the end of the weekend, I drive back
and leave you in the apartment.
Even as I turn out of the driveway,
I’m wishing I didn’t have to.
I want to tell my professors that the worst thing
has happened and I can’t be expected to leave you
but that’s not the way the world works so I drive
towards the highway and blink into the sun.

You move a few states away. You live in a house
I’ve never seen in a city I’ve never been to.
I move across the country to an apartment
you’ve never seen in a city you’ve been to twice.
We couldn’t find each other on a map.
It’s absurd, this distance. We don’t know
how to be this far away from each other.
But we learn.
But we find a new way to bring the golden days back.
—  Fortesa Latifi - All The Apartments We Lived In
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*rolls around*