Why I Started Sugaring
I have a pretty unconventional reason as to why I started sugaring and why I still love it to this day.
I was in a few year relationship that was wonderful. We had a healthy life together and eventually decided to move in together. I don’t know what triggered it, but upon moving in he became insanely jealous. Making mean comments about my clothing choices and asking why dinner with my girls took so long. About a month later we were on vacation in my hometown and he grew jealous of my male friend since childhood. He put his hands on me that night and I told him the next day it was over and I would never be with him again. I didn’t know why his personality changed so sharply, but I gave him leeway in moving out of our apartment because I loved him. After a couple weeks, I started asking when he was leaving more often. He started getting angry and violent. We slept in different bedrooms. I started making plans to leave because I just wanted out of everything, even though I had paid the deposit and the first two months rent. Then one day, he held me down and raped me.
It took a while for me to really call it what it was. I blamed myself for putting myself in that situation in the first place. I never told anyone, not even my therapist. I’m a naturally sexual person, young and attractive. I felt like my sexuality and womanhood was disgusting after that. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel trying to be intimate with a new partner I cared about.
Meanwhile, I was closing in on graduating college. I had $9k in credit card debt and $6k in student loans and wasn’t where I wanted to be in my life. I ditched most of my friends in the aftermath of my relationship.
I am fortunate that the first man I met on SA was an experienced gentleman and knew how to treat me. I didn’t even have time to be nervous about our date because it was brief and last second as he was flying out that evening. I didn’t have time to be attacked by the initial sleaziness of that site. He gave me a cash gift for that first date and was very straightforward and honest. I still ask him for favors to this day.
Being in a sugar relationship gave me the power to take back my sexuality. It made me feel like it was my choice. I entered into each engagement without fear. I was always worried how I’d feel with my next boyfriend, if the first time I had sex after being raped would disgust me. It didn’t matter if that happened with these men, I could get up and leave any time.
My ex also owed me over $3k, which I will never get since I eventually had to file a restraining order. I felt stupid. I like to think I’m an independent smart woman, I would always be more than happy to go dutch or pick up the check because that was who I was. But that was just dumb. I never felt comfortable asking men for things, I always felt like I needed to prove myself.
Sugaring taught me it was okay to expect more from men and ask for favors, that it didn’t take away from my strength as a woman. I’ve learned that usually men who care about you will acquiesce. I know some of you girls hustle and love to pull one over on stupid guys. And sometimes I feel like men deserve to be fucked over because of what happened to me. But luckily my SRs have been nourishing and have taught me so many empowering things about simply being who I am.
I have traveled the country, gone to Europe twice with my SDs. I carry a nice purse and bought a new car. I paid off all of my debt before I graduated and have $5k in an emergency fund and $30k invested in investments. I’ve been sugaring for about a year and a half.
But I’m not extravagant. I work an 8-5. I have normal friends and talk to my mom every day. My closet is not designer, I save most of my money. I have a few stories that still make me cringe because I wasn’t well versed in the sugar world at the beginning.
I suppose what I want to say, is that I am not cynical nor outrageously pampered. I’m right in between. I love being a sugar babe, I love having someone spoil me since I’ve never been spoiled before. I genuinely appreciate the experiences I’ve been given. I’ve had four successfully SRs. I’m in one now. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that a good sugar relationship can be empowering in more ways than just financial.