and for that i am sorry

Ok I’m gonna come out and say it….being something other than a cis girl has confused the shit it out of me and terrified me ever sense I started realizing I may not be cis back in 8th grade. I’m not comfortable with really labeling what I am in terms of gender cause of my peers and also nobody taught me about this stuff -so I had to do my own research, which didn’t really help- and how to figure it out . I’ve struggled with this for years now and I guess the closest thing I can say tht accurately describes what I am probably is I’m gender fluid?. Tho I’d never come out to anyone in real life cause I’m terrified of what others would say and I feel like there’s a quota of how many “LGBT things” I can be in my family without my family thinking I’m just being an “extra millennial sjw ” or something. I think literally everyone I know in irl would be weirded out by it so it’s a no no. Also any time I think about it I get severe anxiety and I honestly hate talking about it. I’ve chickened out of making this post for like a week but I’m doing it now cause it’s midnight and I’m stupid . My pronouns are still she/her but I don’t mind being called they/them or he/his? But idk I’m shaking typing this cause I’m dumb and I’ll delete this later probably but…yeah idk ? None of this makes sense sorry I just wanted to….let it out .

Good Girls Don’t

There are a lot of things good girls don’t. They don’t laugh too loud, they don’t dress too short, they don’t swear and they don’t put themselves out there. They wait, and they do it while sitting properly in their pristine white dresses, with their hands crossed over their laps and their back sitting up straight.

There’s a lot of things good girls don’t and getting their panties wet every time they see a guy is definitely one of them.

You rubbed your thighs together as your fingers pressed tightly to the table you were sitting on, trying to hold on to a reality that was slipping away as you looked at him. You imagined the taste of his skin, and how it must have felt against yours when he was lying on top of you, and you thought about the fire of his kiss, and how it probably tasted like peppermint and just a tiny hint of sin. You thought about heaven and having him lie next to you at night.

The fire that had settled in your lower tummy was going to consume you all at any moment, and you shifted in your seat, trying to release some of the pressure that had built between your legs. You were definitely wet.

But as much as you tried, you couldn’t stop thinking about him, imagining yourself on your knees while your eyes obediently locked in with his. You imagined your lips wrapping around the two fingers he was offering to you, and the light bob you would do to take them all the way in, while your tongue pressed to them to suck them lightly, looking at him as his eyes, usually green and sweet, turned dark, the burning lust covering them as he gazed down at you. You even imagined the light gag of your throat as he pushed his fingers all the way in, and the moan that bubbled up from your very core when he slid them out, the strings of spit that fell down making you blush as you looked down.

“Look at me, yeah?” He would say, with his voice a little raspier than usual as he kneeled in front of you. “C’mon, kitten, look at me.” He would repeat his command slowly, a smirk curling up the corner of his lips as your eyes fluttered open to obey him. “Look at me while I fuck ya with my fingers, yeah? Use all that spit you left. Were you imagining my cock?” He would ask, his smirk growing bigger as you nodded, still unable to speak your own words, as your heart was knotting on your throat and beating rapidly at the sight of him. “You’re such a fucking good girl.”

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I never went to a Linkin Park concert. I don’t own all of their albums. There are songs they made that I don’t like. Some might say I wasn’t really a fan. It’s true, I wasn’t a fan per say. Sometimes I didn’t listen to their songs for months. I didn’t even think about them. But somehow they were always there in me.

At 12, as I was becoming aware of what dying and living meant, of what was the meaning of “legacy” was, of the person I wanted to be, Leave Out All The Rest played on repeat in my head 

At 13, when I started to realize I had been and still was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse from my father, it was Numb who helped me get through it

At 15, when my first wave of depression hit, my heart cried but also rested on Shadow of the Day on my way to and back from highschool

At 16, I became aware of both the terrible and beautiful things humankind could do willingly; thank you What I’ve Done and Hands Held High for keeping me steady against this madness

At 17, when depression hit me real hard, when all I wanted was for everything to end and I was ready to take my own life, Iridescent told me to let it go 

At 19, One More Light was there to help me accept that caring as much as I did was a strength and not a weakness and that gentleness and kindness were very much needed in the era we live in

Throughout my teenage years and at most defining points of my identity, Linkin Park was there. Chester Bennington’s voice was there to tell me that it was okay, that I wasn’t alone or that I should move my ass.

I truly feel loss today.

Fireflies - A “Bendy and the Ink Machine” Story

I think I might be out of writing block. 

I wanted to write a fluffy, kind of “angsty” story about  @shinyzango  ‘s 2D Bendy AU. Honestly, the relationship between Henry and Bendy is too adorable. I haven’t written in a while, so I apologize if this didn’t turn out the way I was intending it to.

Also the reason this is posted so late is because my sleeping schedule has made me unable to sleep until like, 2 in the morning. Dear God, I need to stop sleeping so late. 

Anyways, enjoy! Hopefully it wasn’t written to badly. 

Also, the ©2D Bendy AU by @shinyzango , Thank you for a great AU!

©Bendy and the Ink Machine by TheMeatly Games

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ACTION!

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elevators [moonbin]

request: getting stuck in an elevator with Moonbin and the elevator stopping may or may not be a prank pulled by Astro to force Moonbin to talk to the backup dancer he’s been crushing on

word count: 1473

warnings: none

“Y/N-ah! Are you coming?” Your friend Joosung asked from the doorway of the practice room. You both had met at Fantagio, where you were currently working as backup dancers for one of their pop groups, ASTRO. They were a very energetic group, and you always had a blast with them.

“I’m going to do a couple more stretches then head home. See you tomorrow, Joosung!” You waved to her as she went into the elevator with a couple other backup dancers.

Your legs were aching, but you still forced yourself to touch your toes, then go even further and place the palms of your hands on the ground. The feeling of the tension in your tendons releasing as you stood back up was relaxing. Next you stretched out your arms, then gave your neck a final crack before moving over to your bag.

The ASTRO boys were still in the corner, and you hadn’t even noticed them whispering and talking as you walked to your gym bag.

Pulling out your water bottle, you took a long swig before shouldering the bag and waving to them. “See you all tomorrow!”

“Mind if Moonbin hyung and I ride down with you?” The youngest, Sanha asked, pulling his friend behind him.

The older boy seemed disgruntled at being dragged along, trying to get his arm out of his friend’s grasp.

“Of course not.” You agreed, going to open the door, but Moonbin beat you to it, holding it for you as you walked out. “Thank you.”

Giving the other four a final wave goodbye, you walked down the hall with the two boys, pressing the down button. As it dinged and the door opened, Sanha looked as if he suddenly remembered something.

“Oh! I forgot my phone! I’ll get the next one, bye Y/N!” The pink-haired boy said, pushing Moonbin and you into the elevator before dashing away.

“He’s a very… energetic kid, huh?” You chuckled, pressing the button to close the doors, then the lobby button.

“That’s one word for it.” Moonbin said quietly, looking down at his gym bag in his hand.

“And how would you describe him, Moonbin?”

“Annoying. And you can just call me Bin, if you’d like.”

“Okay, Bin.” You smiled to yourself at the fact that he requested you call him by something more personal. Maybe he was finally getting more comfortable around you. Just as you were about to ask him another question, the elevator jolted to a stop.

“What happened?” You asked aloud, knowing that you weren’t yet at the lobby. The doors hadn’t opened, and the screen said you were still only on the second floor.

“I don’t know.” Bin frowned, pressing a few buttons, but nothing happened. He then pushed the emergency call button.

Someone at the front desk answered, saying they would have to call the fire department, who wouldn’t get there for another hour or so.

“Well, I’m sitting down.” You declared, dropping your bag and sitting down, leaning against the wall of the elevator. “My legs are tired enough.”

“Oh yeah, you had all those spin jump routines today.” Bin commented after he hung up, standing across from you. “You looked great.”

“Nearly twisted my ankle a dozen times.” You snorted, unscrewing the cap on your water bottle. “Kept messing up. You, on the other hand, Bin, you’re an incredible dancer.”

“Woah, hey, definitely not better than you.”

“Are you kidding me? All those complicated dance moves Rocky comes up with? You get them in one go!”

“Don’t put me on a pedestal, I live in the same dorm as him, we practice together all the time. You only get to practice when we’re in the room, and you wipe the floor with your moves.”

His praise was causing your face to heat up, and you hoped that you were still flushed from practice so he wouldn’t notice. “Thanks, Bin.”

There was another pause, and you took this opportunity to take out your phone to call your roommate.

“Hey, it’s me. Could you feed Brownie for me? Yeah, I’m going to be home a little late. Alright, see you tonight. Bye.” Once you hung up, you saw Bin looking at you with interest.

“Brownie?” He questioned.

“My dog. I usually feed her after practice but-” You gestured to the fact that you were still stuck in the elevator, then opened up the gallery on your phone to find a picture of your pup. “I was asking my roommate Mijin to feed her for me.”

“Oh, roommate.”

“Who did you think I was calling?”

He focused on your screen as you showed him the chocolate brown dog you owned, curled up sleepily on your lap. “Your boyfriend.”

“Hard to call someone that doesn’t exist.” You laughed, tucking your phone back into your pocket.

“Oh, okay.”

Thirty minutes later, and you were still in the elevator with Bin. You had been mindlessly scrolling through your social media for the past ten minutes, and he was on his phone as well, furiously texting someone.

With a groan and a sigh, he put his phone down, and you raised a eyebrow at him curiously. “Y/N, could I tell you something?”

“Well, of course, Bin.” You gave him an encouraging smile.

“I, I really uhm, I really like you, and I wanted to know if maybe you’d like to get dinner with me.”

The smile on your face turned into an ear-to-ear grin. “Yes, I’d like that a lot.”

“Tomorrow night?”

“Sure.”

“Great.” Bin was smiling brightly, and you turned back down to your phone to add it happily to your calendar.

He spoke up again, awkwardly asking, “Could I maybe get your number as well? So you can give me your address for me to pick you up?”

“Oh, yeah!” You quickly opened the Contacts on your phone, and swapped with Bin, who had also opened his Contacts.

After inputting your number, you snorted when you got your phone back. Bin had put himself in as “🌙🚮”, which made you chuckle. Just as you were about to comment on it, the elevator jolted back to life, the electricity humming around you.

Both you and Bin let out various sounds of elatement, ecstatic that you were finally moving again. The elevator dinged, signalling that you were at the lobby, and the doors swooshed open. You stumbled out of them, reveling in the cool air conditioning against your skin, it wasn’t very well air conditioned in the elevator.

“Freedom!” You yelled, garnering a few weird looks from the front desk attendants.

When you looked over to Bin to say your goodbyes, you saw that he was surrounded by all the other ASTRO members, smug smiles across their faces. They were all teasing him about something, which he didn’t seem to appreciate. Clearing your throat, you caught their attention before speaking.

“I’ve got to go home, see you tomorrow.” Giving Moonbin a smile and small wave, you shouldered your bag. “Bye, Bin.”

As you walked towards the doors, you could hear the members in a roar, and suddenly footsteps sounded behind you. “Mind if I walk you home?” Bin had appeared at your side.

“Not at all.”

He again held the door open for you, and you thanked him before stepping onto the busy streets.

“I just want to apologize.” He suddenly said, and you turned to him with a perplexed look.

“For what?”

“Apparently the other members stopped the elevator as a prank, to get me to talk to you.” Bin explained, tugging at the hem of his tank top nervously as he continued. “Because I’ve had a crush on you for a while.”

You couldn’t help but flush and smirk a little bit. “I’m flattered, I guess.”

Your apartment wasn’t very far from the Fantagio building, thankfully, so your walk to and from work was always fairly short, no more than fifteen minutes. At your door, you turned to Bin to say goodbye.

“Thanks for walking me home, Bin.” You said, squeezing his forearm appreciatively for a moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Can I text you tonight?” He blurted out, and you nodded.

“I’d love that.”

“Good. See you tomorrow, Y/N.”

With a final exchange of awkward grins from the both of you, you closed your apartment door behind you. Immediately greeted by Brownie, you picked her up and carried her towards your bedroom with you. Your phone buzzed when you were just barely in your room, and you saw that it was a text from Bin.

[🌙🚮: hey y/n]

[you: miss me already, bin?]

[🌙🚮: maybe]

With a chuckle, you fell onto your bed, ready for the night of texting that would ensue. Maybe the other members stopping the elevator wasn’t so bad, after all.

@official-marinette​ You are right. Miraculous Hell is a beautiful place.

And I am not alone. I have all of you with me.

Originally posted by your-luckiest-charm

We are all in this hell together——