and for that i am grateful

Come join me in SLO for a slideshow of some of the Most Remote I have shot surfing in.

I am so grateful to be home and be apart of the San Luis Obispo Surf Film night. Wednesday 6pm.

See you there ! ✌🏼️ @winewavesandbeyond (at SLO surf film night- Wednesday Night - Fremont Theatre)

Positive Daily Affirmations


• I am worthy of the beauty and joy in my life
• I am enough
• I trust that I am exactly where I need to be
• I believe in my ability to do whatever I put my mind and heart to
• I love who I am and am grateful for the journey that has brought me to this place
• I am beautiful
• I make time to nourish my mind, body and spirit
• I am abundant in all things that bring me joy
• I am worthy of love, and I am full of love for others
• I am a powerful force for good in the world
• I am beautiful and radiate with light from within
• I will breathe
• I will think of solutions
• I will not let my worry control me
• I will not let my stress break break me
• Today I will choose kindness over anger
• My health, energy and vitality are increasing with every deep breath I take
• I deeply love and accept myself
• I am making things easy for myself now.
• I make time to rest and nourish my body every single day
• I am proud of my body: It follows my thoughts, and it does exactly what I tell it to do
• I feel safe and at peace with myself
• I am active and full of energy, I am healthy, vibrant, and I look great
• I give myself recognition beyond food.  I love my body.
• All is well in my world and I am safe
• I am free from illness or disease; my body is clean
• Every day, I gain more energy and vitality
• I look towards the future with hope and happiness
• I now allow my body to heal itself
• I am calm and relaxed whenever life gets trying
• I am blessed with health and I eat nourishing food
• I release stress from my body and mind
• I boldly go in the direction of my dreams
• I am successful in whatever I do
• I focus on what is truly essential
• I will make the most of new opportunities
• The universe provides for my every want and need
• I speak with confidence and calm assurance
• I make positive healthy choices
• I feel energetic and full of life
• I fill my mind with positive thoughts
• I feel the joy of abundance
• I organize my priorities with clarity
• I find all solutions within me
• I am in control of my reactions
• I appreciate every moment of the day
• Prosperity flows to me at all times, in all ways
• I have the power to change myself
• My body is filled with energy
• I feel wonderful and alive
• Good flows to me, good flows from me

6 months clean.

i am so grateful to be on the other side of this disease - recovery. i’m thankful that this morning, i woke up in my own apartment, in my own bed, with my gigantic golden retrievers taking up most of the room. i’m thankful that i wasn’t dope sick this morning. that my first thought wasn’t “how the hell am i going to get money to get high today”. i’m grateful for the gigantic cup of coffee i drank this morning, and that the fridge is stocked and the bills are payed..

i could go on for hours talking about all of the things that i’m grateful for today. and that’s a miracle. a couple months ago, i wasn’t grateful for anything. a couple months ago, i was nodding off in corners. a year ago, i was stealing from people i loved. two years ago, i got sent away to a place that i imagine is worse than jail, counting down the days til i could get out so i could use again. and that’s exactly what i ended up doing.

this last run over the past year took a lot out of me. i was always told that when you relapse, things get worse a lot faster. and i really wish i would have listened, because it’s absolutely true. i think i only lasted a little over a month using before i was completely and totally broke, lost my job (again), had no friends, my family wanted nothing to do with me, and i was arrested. and whats sad is that even that didn’t stop me. literally the first phone call i made upon being released from jail that night was to try to score some dope. i hadn’t even been free 5 minutes, and there i was, trying to go pick up. i got arrested and charged with a PWI (possession with intent - felony), and i was right back to putting myself in the same situation all over again.

a condition of my bail was to get a drug and alcohol evaluation. and being a good dope fiend, i just decided that i would just check myself into rehab, because i knew that’s where they were ultimately going to send me anyways. but of course, i had to get high just one more time first. i checked myself into rehab, and lasted a whole 12 days, before deciding that i wasn’t ready to stop. i left AMA (against medical advice) and was high within an hour. i made it about 2 weeks before i was told that i had to go back to treatment or i was going to do 6 months. i completed a 28 day treatment program, which is the first time that i’ve ever actually completed a rehab, and was sent to a sober house for 90 days. i made it about 2 weeks before i used. i got away with it the first time. i told myself i would only do it once, and that would be it. but it never works out that way. the second time i used, i got called downstairs for a drug test, which i failed. i was told that i had to leave, and that i couldn’t be there anymore. i got kicked out of the only place i had to go, was 3 hours away from home, knew no one around the area, and to top it all off, it was the middle of a snow storm.

i am so incredibly grateful for that experience. it saved my life. being kicked out of the sober house sucked. but the worst part was having to call my dad and tell him that i messed up again. i couldn’t even stop crying. i felt like the biggest piece of shit. but at that moment, i knew i had 2 options: 1. i could keep using. go back to doing that horribly shitty things i used to do, lose my friends and family again, be homeless, the whole 9-yards, or 2. i could ask for help and stop using.

that night is the first night that i have honestly ever hit my knees and prayed for help. before i had only said those silly fox hole prayers: “please get me out of this, and i swear i’ll never do it again”. this time i honestly said “i really messed up this time. i do not want to live like this anymore. i can’t do this on my own. i don’t know how to live. and i will do ANYTHING to not live like this anymore”. that day honestly changed me.

i am seriously still amazed at how different my life is today. six months later, here i sit - sober. i’m living on my own. i have an amazing job. i’m fucking going places. i go to a meeting every week. i have a sponsor who i call everyday. i have friends in recovery who i talk to on a daily basis. i’m doing step work. i show up, i share when i need to. i’m genuinely happy. i laugh today, real heartfelt laughter.

i never imagined that this way of life was possible for me. yeah, i knew about NA. i went to my first meeting when i was 18 years old. but i never really gave the program a chance. i decided that it wasn’t going to work for me, so it didn’t. it was a self fulfilling prophecy. i would find anything and everything i possibly could as an excuse for why it wasn’t going to work for me. and every single time i left and stopped trying, i ended up with a needle in my arm again, wondering how the hell i got back to this god awful life

i have genuine, REAL friends today. people who call or text me just to talk and see how i’m doing. people who show up for me when i need help, buy me a pack of cigarettes or food at the diner when i can’t pay for myself. i never had that before. all the people i was associated with in my active addiction were only there because i needed something from them, or they wanted something from me. and once the money and the drugs were gone, so were they.

so call me crazy, but i wouldn’t change a single thing about my life. i’m grateful for all of the horrible life experiences that i’ve had to go through, because they made me the person that i am today. and i love myself today. that’s huge for me. i’m proud to say that i’m fucking 6 months sober. i’ve been to hell and i’ve made it to the other side of addiction.

there is a solution. i am so incredibly grateful that i am living in the solution today.

2

brb while I snuggle the hell out of our new baby!! 😭😍 this is Cacao aka Coco - she’s five years old and so sweet. a couple in our town can no longer care for her. they’re moving back to the states and due to personal and financial reasons, needed to find this baby a new home. // I am so grateful for the people who sent them our way. Piper and Calvin are just as excited as Ryan and I to welcome Coco to our pack.

3

In this episode of “People Black Tumblr has not woken up”. Makes me realize how far I’ve come. Sadly, I used to say things like this. I tried to teach baby girl on “MLK didn’t fight for this”. She just deleted my comment and continued on the “peaceful” route. You should see how many MLK quotes were on my timeline. Reminds me why I limit my IG use. Thank you Black Tumblr for helping me to not fall into the MLK category this year. I am forever grateful for being waken up.

Better Days

Some days I worry over meaningless trivial things like my random racing thoughts, other people’s opinion of me, what I may or may not be doing tomorrow, and best of all, even over little digital animated hearts on my poetry, and some days I simply breathe lightly, smile softly, and realize how blessed I am to share a piece of your real, living loving hearts.  It doesn’t require great vision, wisdom or insight to decipher which days are the better by far.   For me, today was one those better days.  I’m grateful and hope it was for you as well.

I spent my morning teaching and practicing #yoga with a beautiful group of my #Durham friends (and friends of friends)- we just set up shop in a park and turned nature into a yoga studio. It was awesome and inspiring and all the other things you would expect, but it also reminded me that I am so blessed to live in a town where it is (relatively) safe to set up a body positive yoga space. My friends and I don’t have to hide our bodies. This is not the case for everyone in my global #yogafamily, & I feel grateful that my greatest concern isn’t the safety of my students.

I plan to continue teaching a weekly outdoor PWYC yoga class in Durham- if you’re local and interested in coming, follow my facebook page for details (link is in my instagram header). I am so excited to live in a community that is hungry for diversity in yoga and that’s so fucking ready to cultivate a community to match its residents desires.

ALSO, I am extremely honored to be featured on this week’s ‘Feministing Five’- I’ve been a big fan of Feministing for years, and I’m always happy to see the body positive yoga movement recognized as a critical component of the 21st century feminist’s worldview. BLAH BLAH RHETORIC BLAH BLAH BLAH. Anyway, if you want to read the article written by the awesome @suzbob, click the link in my instagram header!

(btw, mad love to @clashist for recognizing that I obviously need a Wayne’s World bathing suit in my wardrobe.)

The non-intelligent box said… 173 this morning. I’ve lost one more pound this week! I have lost 81 pounds since August 1, 2014. I am happy and grateful! Xoxo

This won’t be a poem. You demand full sentences so there’s no chance for misunderstanding. Because it would kill me to think that you don’t know with absolute certainty how much I love you. If my gratitude for all you have given up for us was lost between the lines. Because I am so grateful, and now, 4+ decades in, I also know what that sacrifice is, and I know the love that fuels it. Having my own children meant I finally knew how much you loved us - something I’d previously not even thought to imagine.
I can see your strong hands, and the grooves made in them by the plastic handles of the grocery bags, the weight of feeding five children. That you carried them on the bus still something I can’t quite comprehend. You taught me that I could always do what needed to be done. That strength isn’t something physical, but something that comes from deep within. Something all my own, that no one, no situation could take from me.
You, rushing out to the road, fear on your face, carrying your best (only?) long winter coat, scooping up the dog you never wanted, cradling him in that coat, crying over him. Insisting he be buried in it, digging the deep grave yourself. Your soft heart so often betraying the shiny armour of your exterior. I know you had to be tough, I know how life can seem so mean.
Thank you for still being so soft and sweet, so loving and encouraging. Thank you for believing in me, and honouring what I chose even though it might not have been what you wanted for me or wished I’d done. Thank you for pushing me to be more because you knew I could, and still loving me when I didn’t. Mostly, thank you for your wide open mind, that generously takes in and gives due consideration to all that I offer. You always listen
—  a love letter from my mother to her mother

[omg i’m so sorry for the bad edit~ i did this one on a mobile app because my computer is being weird asf T^T]

hello! so i’ve been planning to do this after the giveaway was done and i wanted to thank those who’ve been with me and being so nice ;u; So it’s been about 8 months maybe since i’ve gotten tumblr and joined the fandom~ and even though tumblr sucks the life out of you, i’ve met a lot of friends who share same interests as I,and for that i am truly grateful~!!

i’ve been through a lot while on this website and i’m happy that these people stuck to my side and helping me go through this~!! so no more me talking rubberish,..

bold: mutual [meaning we’ve talked more than once]

italicized: MY LOVES [meaning we’re definitely friends]

♡: blog crushes/blog goals

#-c

9205x ♡ | askparkbyun ♡ | aegyo-himebaekhny ♡ | baekhyun-fied | baekhyunify ♡ | bubblctea ♡ | byeolks ♡♡ | byunhyuni ♡ | celestyeol ♡ | chancasso  ♡ | chanpups ♡ | chanyeolgarbage | chanyeolings ♡ | chanyeolismysexualfantasy ♡ | chimchic | claresthetic | cumtomeluhan ♡ |

d-k

daixlo ♡ | daestardly | deerslu ♡ | duckhymne ♡ | dyo-milk ♡ | eggsooo | exo-ran-out-of-lube ♡ | exo-is-a-bias |  homilks ♡ | imyoong ♡ | itsyeols ♡ | j0ngsin ♡ | @jonginspuppydick ♡ | jonginsmouth ♡ | jonginssoo ♡ | jxngin ♡ | kaibility ♡ | kaimint ♡ | kyngtae |

l-z

lue-han ♡ | luhansangels | luhwn ♡ | milkeuhun ♡ | mxnsio | oshzitao ♡ | prince-baekyeol ♡ | prisonings | rice-and-chopsticks ♡ | sehuhuhu ♡ | sexologywithbaekhyun ♡ | taomyun | @thurstae ♡ | turtlehun  ♡| two-chenz ♡ | vitaminyeol ♡ | yehet-me-love-you |



woo that’s a lot of people :) but thanks again~!! and for those who aren’t bolded or underlined, i’d very much like to be your friend //cough// #1 fan //cough// i swear i’m not that weird ahaa~! 

IF I FORGOT TO TAG YOU I AM SO SORRY SO SO SORRY PLEASE BASH ME AND TELL ME THAT I’M A HORRIBLE PERSON CAUSE ONLY A HORRIBLE FRIEND WOULD LEAVE THEM OUT LIKE THIS

other then that, i hope you guys have a wonderful life~~!!!

5

brb while I snuggle the hell out of our new baby!! 😭😍 this is Cacao aka Coco - she’s five years old and so sweet. a couple in our town can no longer care for her. they’re moving back to the states and due to personal and financial reasons, needed to find this baby a new home. // I am so grateful for the people who sent them our way. Piper and Calvin are just as excited as Ryan and I to welcome Coco to our pack.

“I won’t deny that it was special day for me. Last night I thought about many moments and I’m glad it ended this way. To be substituted at the end and feel the love of the Arsenal fans meant a lot to me. I’m grateful for the life they gave me. Some people will be disappointed in me for the reasons why I left but I am grateful forever.”

I am so excited to be able to finally do this with my main blog which is my baby! Thank you all for sticking with me from the very beginning to the fresh new followers now. Lets get started on mentioning the loves shall we?

***The loves that deserve some of my words.**** 

 blackchomansion You probably don’t know this but you were one of my first role playing blogs. Our blog is still currently going and I never get tired of seeing you pop on my notifications. Thank you for everything and I would love to get to know you ever more! 

acethelostknight/ momijii The bae!! Omg I know we haven’t actually role played but honestly you are always there to talk to and give me a good laugh and support. I thank you and love you <3 I hope you have an amazing day!

sorcelleriee/ hasegawatwins- MY BEST FRIEND TILL THE END… anyways lol I love you omg. Thank you for always being there for me and showing me that I am beautiful in and out. You will always be my bae even when I’m far away. 

eternityxoasis Hello darling! We have not role played in a while and that’s okay because I still look forward to our Skype texts and calls and I am glad that you are still around to be my friend. love you <3

grumpylittledragon- We are currently active on my Kana blog but honestly this is a great opportunity to thank you for everything and all the positive feedback you give me. I am truly happy for our thread and getting to know you even better. <3

thehappyonigiri I couldn’t leave you out love. You have been there for me when you didn’t even know me and I thank you so much. I absolutely adore your Tooru and your nice personality. Keep the snap chats coming xp 

***The loves that I am currently/or have in the past role played with that I love***

caillet-cuimhni, radian-sho, chimericalvi, amnesic-sweets, cxishi, for-a-prxce, ne-tetigeritis, sperora, fxlipinoidiot, xylylene, placificium

***The loves I stalk and admire in the shadows and would love to rp with <3***

fxrnxwxh, whispersofthemuses, charaxpersona, femavyxravcnous, son-xfthesea, dxmn-rat, assassintrio, philautiam, xaethereum, indomitxbleheart, cxbuscommanderhermit, shinkineyuki, calxmbours, imaginary–bliss, shinagawa-stars

If I forgot anybody I am truly sorry! I love you all so much thank you once again!

Happy birthday to my favorite. 🎂 I have so much respect for him as a musician & a person - enough to have his likeness on me for life. 🎸 I truly can’t express how grateful I am for him. 💙
“A lot of people can be the Spaceman, but there’s only one Space Ace.” Happy birthday, Space Ace. ⚡🚀

#operationcosy

Before I start tagging the whole wide world to say how much I love them, let me start by thanking this whole fandom. I got into the Person of Interest fandom not long after I started my transition, and although things in real life were going okay, it was still amazing for me to have this little cocoon online where everyone knew me as Maxime, no one messed up my pronouns, etc. You have no idea how life changing that is. 

I worried a lot, too, about continuing to write femslash as a straight white dude (trans, but still very much a dude). But in this amazing Root/Shaw fandom, you all made me feel welcomed and loved and safe, and there is no way for me to thank you enough for that.

Anyway. More lurve after the cut.

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