and for refusing to be beaten by a world which punishes her for being right

offer your heart

Originally posted by nnochu

yoongi x reader. angst, drama, attack on titan!au. 12.5 k words. warning for cursing and depiction of violence/gore. yeha i’m back ppl. this story is only loosely based off of the world in attack on titan, the events written are not the same to the anime/manga.

For as long as humanity can remember, they have lived in the confines of three great walls—the outermost ring, Wall Maria; the middle ring, Wall Rose; and the innermost ring, Wall Sina—and feast on the false pretense of peace the government has given them. They turn ignorant to the giant man eating beasts—titans—lurking on the other side of the wall that acts as their barrier, and surrender to a cowardly life where they refuse to fight back for their freedom.

Though so, there exist the remaining of humanity that refuses to bow down to the false reality they live in. And among these few people, lies The Survey Corps, one of the three military branches that tasks brave soldiers with the fate of humanity’s freedom: venturing outside the walls, slaughtering and discovering ways to exterminate these titans once and for all. But in the process of reclaiming their freedom back from a terrible threat, some of these soldiers are forced to turn their sanity over for the sake of victory.

There has only ever been a thirst for blood.

The thirst for it singes her veins, crackles the bones in every uncontrolled and vicious movements, sparks the fire in lifeless eyes, dictates and shapes her very being.

It’s far better to be guided by bloodthirst than despair, or pointless anger, or ridiculous hope, or even courage in a world as bleak as this. That’s how she sees it.

And for that reason, she is raised to thirst for carnage and blood and death, to become an uncontrollable force of weapon, a demon to fear.

That is the person she embraces herself as.

Keep reading

‘’I love to kill people. I love to watch them die. I would shoot them in the head and they would wiggle and squirm all over the place, and then just stop. Or cut them with a knife and watch their faces turn real white.’’

The Night Stalker

Early Life

Richard Ramirez entered the world on February 28, 1960, in El Paso, Texas. He was the youngest of five children in a Mexican American family that had immigrated to the United States. His father, Julian Ramirez, was frequently away from home as he was a laborer on the Santa Fe Railroad. Richard was raised a devout Christian and his family often attended church.

During his childhood, Richard sustained two major head injuries: One from a dresser falling on top of him, and the second time being when he was knocked unconscious by a swing, after which he experienced frequent epileptic seizures that persisted into his teen years.

A look at his background indicates that Richard certainly had the right childhood environment to produce a killer. At a young age, he would soon become victim to his father’s unexpected bursts of anger. Much like his older siblings, Richard received severe beatings as punishment that left him battered and bruised. He often slept in the nearby cemetery so as to escape his father’s terrible temper. When Richard was 12-years-old, much of his time was spent with his older cousin Miguel “Mike” Ramirez who was a Vietnam vet and member of the Special Forces. Oftentimes they would drive around the city smoking marijuana as Mike boasted about his gruesome exploits during the war, and shared with him graphic Polaroid photos of Vietnamese women he had raped and killed to prove it. Some of the photos displayed women on their knees being forced to perform fellatio on Mike as he held a cocked .45 to their heads. At the age of 13, Richard was present when Mike shot and killed his wife. This experience was the final ingredient needed to complete the recipe of becoming a future serial killer and rapist.

Shortly after dropping out of high school, Richard took up a job at the Holiday Inn. One night, using the hotel’s pass key, he sneaked into a woman’s hotel room and attempted to rape her. Her husband walked in on the scene and beat Richard senseless. All criminal charges were dropped as the couple lived out of state and refused to testify in court.

Richard’s mother kicked him out of the house at age 17, leaving him to fend for himself by selling drugs, stealing cars, and pickpocketing. He left El Paso for good at age 18, taking a Greyhound Bus to Los Angeles where he frequently stayed in hotels, burglarizing homes and selling the stolen items to get him by. Much of his money was spent on drugs, specifically cocaine. In 1981, Richard was arrested on drug charges and it was in jail where he was introduced to Satanism. In 1984 he was arrested yet again for car theft.


Richard’s first known murder occurred on April 10, 1984, when his 9-year-old victim was raped, beaten, stabbed, and found hanging from a hotel basement pipe. This killing, however, hadn’t been linked to him until 2009 when his DNA matched to DNA obtained at the crime scene.

His second killing happened just two months after the first one. High off cocaine, he sneaked into the apartment room of 79-year-old Jennie Vincow and stabbed her repeatedly while she lay asleep in bed. He then slashed her throat so deeply that she was nearly decapitated.

It wasn’t until almost a year later that Richard would begin a horrifying murder spree that shook the Los Angeles city to its core. On March 17, 1985, Richard entered the condo of 34-year-old Dayle Okazaki and Maria Hernandez, shooting Dayle to death and wounding her roommate Maria. Within an hour of the killing, he entered the car of 30-year-old Veronica Yu against her will, shot her twice with a .22 caliber handgun, and fled the scene. The two murders (and third attempt) in a single day attracted extensive coverage from news media who speculated that the murders were connected.

Ten days later, Richard invaded the Zazzara residence and shot a sleeping Vincent Zazzara in the head with a .22 revolver. Shocked and bleeding, Vincent tried to stand up and grab Richard, but the small-caliber bullet zigzagged through his brain, cutting the carotid artery, and he lost motor movement. His wife Maxine Zazzara awoke at the sound of the gunshot. Richard rushed to her room and quickly bound and gagged her. As he ransacked the bedroom for valuables, Maxine managed to escape her bonds and retrieved a shotgun from under the bed, which was not loaded. An infuriated Richard shot her three times with the same gun that claimed the life of her husband and fetched a large carving knife from the kitchen. His attempt to cut her heart out miscarried, so he instead gouged out her eyes and placed them in a jewelry box. He proceeded to stab her multiple times in the stomach, throat, and pubic area. After releasing his rage, Richard took off with the valuables he had gathered from the house and the eyes as a token. 

Most serial killers generally have a ‘’cooling’’ period between each murder. That made Richard Ramirez different from the ordinary serial killer. With each kill, Richard craved the sexual pleasure and thrill he obtained from the very act of claiming another’s life, and soon became addicted to it, sometimes killing again days within his last kill. Richard’s mode of operation was to invade homes in the middle of the night, disable their phones and ransack the place, and leave dead bodies and blood all over as he left the site. This earned the curly-headed attacker the nickname ‘’The Night Stalker’’. Oftentimes, Richard left behind clues for police, such as Avia shoeprints and Satanic symbols he’d drawn on the walls and bodies of his victims. 

Richard had spared the lives of many of his female victims. Routinely, he would neutralize the threat—the man—and sexually assault the wife. If the females complied to his demands and directed him to all the valuables in the house without any hassle, Richard allowed them to live after making them ‘’swear on Satan’’ that that was all the valuables they own. The victims who defied him would come to meet a more tragic fate. 


On August 30, 1985, Richard took a bus to Arizona to visit one of his brothers, but failed to meet him and ended up returning to Los Angeles the next morning to find that his name and 1984 mugshot photo were plastered on the front page of every newspaper. Citizens immediately recognized him so he promptly fled, sprinting through alleyways and hopping over fences as police sirens blared and helicopter blades whirred. He attempted to steal three cars during his runaway but was driven off. Richard was chased through a neighborhood by a group of bystanders, one of whom struck him over the head with a metal bar during the pursuit. Richard was eventually subdued by the people until police arrived and took him into custody. 

While in the car, Richard admitted to being the Night Stalker, expressed his disbelief that the people had caught him before the authority could, and implored the officers to kill him.

‘’Why don’t you just shoot me? I deserve to die. Now they’re going to send me to the electric chair,’’ Richard reportedly said.


Richard’s trial, which started on July 22, 1988, took a full year. During this time, Richard gained a tremendous amount of female attention, his dangerous Latin looks and defiance appealing to many but particularly catching the eye of Doreen Lioy, a magazine editor whom Richard later married while on death row. When presented with images of his mutilated victims, Richard would often laugh. Sometimes he would have an occasional outburst in court or flash Satanic symbols inscribed on his hand which would quickly make headlines. 

On September 30, 1989, Richard was found guilty of 13 murders and thirty assorted felonies. On November 7, 1989, he was sentenced to death. Richard didn’t care. As he was escorted from court, he told the press, ‘’Big Deal! Death always went with the territory. I’ll see you in Disneyland.’’


Richard Ramirez died on June 7, 2013, due to B-cell lymphoma at Marin General Hospital in Greenbrae, California. At 53-years-old, Richard had been on death row at San Quentin Prison for more than 23 years waiting to be executed.

Kirsihima Siblings Analysis

As requested by xathenexx

The Kirishima siblings are polar opposites armed with the same weapons. Despite having conflicting views, the two hide their concerns about each other under a hate-filled guise. Using all Ishida has given us, there are only so many conclusions we can draw, however the two are definitely worth analysing and are very thoroughly developed characters.
Let’s begin.


Touka has less common set of ethics to most ghouls, and seems to have adopted these from her late father, Arata. Touka believes that ghouls should try to live alongside humans, behaving as they do and even eating food they prepare. Touka shares similar traits with her mother, Uta described her as a “hard worker” and her mother was being depicted as “strong willed”. Not only do they share personality traits, Touka also looks very similar to her mother (even more so in Tokyo Ghoul:re).
While living a double life by attending school and serving at Anteiku, Touka cannot always be described as peaceful. Touka, due to her loyalty, believes in vengeance. This eye for an eye stance causes her to go to great lengths to get her revenge, for example, when she attacked Kureo Mado to compensate for Ryouko Feuguchi’s murder.
However, Touka usually makes wise choices when it comes to attack and defence. Against an enemy who is stronger than she is, she may fail, however she knows what needs to be done and what the right way to go about it is. In the Anteiku Arc, she was willing to fight alongside Irimi and Koma, and admitted to wrongs and that she too deserved to “be punished” if it meant helping them.

Touka is fairly open about her feelings. Before attacking Kureo Mado, she openly expressed her belief that they should go against Mado and Amon as repayment for what they did, despite all the others disagreeing with her for safety’s sake.

Touka is all in all a dynamic character. She changes throughout the story, and in :re this becomes very apparent; not only through her appearance, but in her attitude (eg. Touka originally wanted Kaneki to come back to Anteiku, however in TG:re, she finds it best to allow him to live a more carefree life and stay away from her and the others).
Touka cares for those around her, she fights for what she believes in and does what lines up with her moral code at all costs.


Ayato, the youngest of the Kirishima siblings, is a static character who hasn’t changed since childhood. It seems that from a very young age, Ayato capitalised on the inequality ghouls experience. For instance, when Arata noted it was important to behave as humans do to blend in, Ayato mentioned that they lived in a “human’s world” and had to"be normal" before rhetorically adding, “isn’t that useless?”.
Although it is said Ayato’s hatred towards humans may be owed to the experience he had with a traitorous family friend named Souta trying to hand Touka and him over to CCG investigators, it is clear that even earlier on Ayato had a negative perspective on humans.
As Ayato grew older, he started exhibiting more “violent tendencies”, according to Yomo, and one day snapped at Touka for mixing with humans at school and walked out. He then travelled to the 14th ward, where he claimed the feeding grounds of ghouls as his own and eventually found Aogiri.

Ayato believes that “the world is power” and that power should be used “to decide who’s superior”. Humans are “nothing but food” to him, and he is unsympathetic towards humans and ghouls alike.
In terms of battle, Ayato tends to make unwise decisions. While he may cause casualties, he tends not to assess situations entirely, instead jumping straight into fights with the carelessness he is hypocritically against. This behaviour can be found in his fight with Kaneki. Ayato failed to realise how Kaneki’s transition had affected him and did not recognise the strength Kaneki had developed, leading him to be beaten “half to death” by having 103 of his bones broken, one by one.
Unlike his sister, Ayato keeps his feelings compressed inside of him, aside from his anger. An assertive exterior shields his inner thoughts, such as how he cares about Touka, and in Tokyo Ghoul:re he also expresses some concern about Hinami, although now it is easier seen as his arrogance has ceased to an extent.

He is carelessly labelled as a bad guy, when in reality he is just as protective and conscientious as Touka is. His wrongdoing shouldn’t necessarily be overlooked, but instead judged with a more understanding point of view.


Having joined opposing organisations, it’s understandable why there is a severe lack of communication between the siblings. During their childhood though, Ayato and Touka were very close, and their father was very involved in their life as he had promised they would never be alone after the passing of Hikari, their mother.
Touka was seemingly braver than Ayato, exclaiming “you’re a man aren’t you?!” when Ayato refused to touch earthworms they had gathered for a bird they took care of; her father even told her she was “tomboy-ish”, just as her mother was.
Arata had the two eat human food (which he too ate), most likely to train them to be better at eating around humans so they may blend in.
Ayato was described as “sly” by his sister when they were children, and this suggests that Ayato has always been a bit on the cunning side. Touka appeared very happy and carefree as a child, and only began to develop more conflicting feels after their father had been hunted down. She had decided that she must protect Ayato from then on, and matured quickly into a strong ghoul.


-Two of Clubs must learn to cooperate.
-Most Two of Clubs will show an independent front; this may make them appear defensive or uncooperative.
-Two of Clubs are clever and quick witted. 
-They never lack for an answer.
-Can be very opinionated.
-Fear is a big factor for Two of Clubs. They must learn to trust in themselves.

- Ace of Clubs represents an eager search for knowledge.
- Negatively, this card may represent prying curiosity.
-The Ace of Club is a “swing card”; each year it trades places with the Two of Hearts, a card that symbolizes the union of love.
-This gives the Ace of Club conflicting results in terms of the heart. If a relationship develops, they may feel like their quest for knowledge or learning has been impeded. When they once again apply themselves to knowledge, they lose the love that they desired.
- Balance is key.


Touka and Ayato are known for wearing rabbit masks. Some generic things rabbits symbolise:
-Esoteric Knowledge

Although the masks are probably black and white to show contrast of the two characters, white rabbits are meant to symbolise faithfulness in a loving relationship and luck while black rabbits are meant to represent insecurity, fear of intimacy and cowardice.


The Kirishima siblings are usually compared as being similar, however delving deep enough proves this is not always the case, even Ayato has said “I’m not like [Touka]”. Unfortunately, the two severely misunderstand each other, which puts even further a stunt in the growth of their relationship than there already was. Each of the two have a “bad” and “good” side, which is why they are such appealing characters. Hopefully, in the future, they can resolve their conflicts.

I apologise for any errors, I wrote this very late at night. If I’ve missed anything or there is anything that needs further explanation, don’t hesitate to ask. I also apologise for how long it took me to get this done, I’ve had many exams to study for and do lately. Thank you for reading.

Breaking Bad and Toxic Masculinity

(Hey guys this is the essay I wrote for English, as promised.)

The character type of the anti-hero has seen a lot of incarnations over the years, gaining traction recently. This morally-gray character — infallibly male, usually white — is a version of the more traditional hero and has the same basic arc in every work in which he appears. This is the everyman who starts off fairly meek, but then “mans up” and finally takes what he wants. And the audience almost always cheers him on, whether or not they’re “supposed to.” This character type is obvious in Breaking Bad’s Walter White, but some other examples appear in FX’s Fargo, The Matrix, Fight Club, Limitless, American Beauty, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, Spider-Man, Captain America… This is an awakening to a more aggressive, more masculine self. Many of these characters do become violent, but others don’t. Some are “good” (heroes) and some are “bad” (anti-heroes), but regardless of any moral failings they can never quite shake the “protagonist” label. The message of this basic character arc is that men who aren’t very masculine are kind of pathetic — and the plot “fixes” them.

Breaking Bad somewhat deconstructs this since Walt’s change is clearly for the worse, but the plot of the show is at its core propelled by toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is one of the ways that a patriarchal, misogynistic society harms men by expecting men to be aggressive, unemotional and powerful. In the show, this is a major theme that sets things in action, does irreparable damage to the less masculine of the characters, but is ultimately not condemned. After his diagnosis of lung cancer, Walt feels immense pressure to provide for his family — and he refuses to accept help when it’s offered to him. He would rather break the law and kill innocents than let his pride suffer. In an important sense, the plot of Breaking Bad wouldn’t happen if not for the culture of toxic masculinity; that men can’t ask for help, can’t accept help, without being seen as weak, and that being seen as weak, as feminine, is incredibly damaging to a man.

This fact is reinforced by the use of gendered insults in the show. Jesse is well known for his excessive use of the word “bitch,” mostly in reference to other men. Whereas “bitch” when applied to women means being too bossy and assertive, for men it has the opposite connotation: submissiveness, weakness. The word “pussy” is also used several times to label men as weak, particularly used against Walt by male members of his own family during the first season. This emasculation sets the stage for Walt’s transformation into the aggressive Heisenberg.

There is a lot of pressure on men to be able to support not only themselves but also their families. While this is Walt’s justification for his actions, it’s not his real motivation. In the pilot episode, Walt starts off in a very emasculated place. He had a chance to achieve a powerful position of wealth and influence as a brilliant scientist, but now works two lower-status jobs to make ends meet. He is disrespected at work and at home, and doesn’t compare to his macho brother-in-law Hank Schrader. This position of inadequacy fuels Walt’s decision to cook crystal meth to provide for his family instead of accepting money from Elliot and Gretchen Schwartz to pay for his treatments.

Walt constantly stresses the point that this money is his and he earned it himself. In “Phoenix,” when this is all still a secret, he pulls aside some drywall and shows the stacks of cash to his newborn daughter, telling her, “Daddy did that for you.” Later on, in “I.F.T.,” he tells Skyler, “This money, I didn’t steal it. It doesn’t belong to anyone else. I earned it.” This is integral to his pride and his sense of being a man. His boss, the meth kingpin Gus Fring, makes this expectation explicitly clear in the third season episode “Más” when he tells Walt, “A man provides. And he does it even when he’s not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he’s a man.” Gus takes advantage of expected gender roles to convince Walt to cook for him — and Walt plays right into his hand.

Walt goes to the extreme to meet this societal expectation, but his partner Jesse provides an important contrast. Although Jesse is undoubtedly a fan-favorite, there is a considerable subset of viewers who criticize him not for his acts of violence or his inability to take action against Walt, but for his frequent emotional displays: he’s a “crybaby.” He’s not typically masculine.

Jesse is hurt repeatedly — physically, emotionally, psychologically — by the men within in the drug world. He is clearly not cut out for this life, and becomes, actually, one of the most beat up characters in television history. He’s thin with fairly feminine good looks, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and he is punished for this again and again. By the end of the series, he is beaten up and beaten down beyond repair for the sin of showing emotion. But where Jesse suffers because of toxic masculinity, he ultimately prevails — one of the few to survive the series. His love interests aren’t as lucky: Jane Margolis and Andrea Cantillo are killed as pawns in power plays made by men — killed to manipulate Jesse, removing their value as individuals. Their main value in the plot stems from how Jesse feels about them, and Jesse made the mistake to care for them; his emotion breeds vulnerability for him, but spells death for them.

Although Jesse is the poster child for the ways in which men are hurt by toxic masculinity, women are hurt inarguably worse. In a world influenced by toxic masculinity, if men cry they’ll be laughed at (“Does this pussy cry through the whole thing?” Jack asks), but women are killed — to hurt the man who loves them, to create some “man pain” and propel the plot.

Skyler White wasn’t treated as poorly by the plot, but the viewers all but crucified her. She has faced enormous criticism from many fans, being branded a “bitch” and a “whore” for not standing by her abusive, murderous husband. Her role in the show is what keeps Breaking Bad from becoming the typical “male power fantasy,” as she’s something of a moral center, and that’s probably why fans have such a problem with her — and with “crybaby Pinkman.” Walt faces a lot of challenges on the way to becoming a meth kingpin, and viewers undoubtedly enjoyed seeing him face off against and ultimately defeat Gus Fring, Mike Ehrmantraut, Jack Welker and his crew, and the various “badass” cartel members. This kind of conflict, man-on-man, based on strength and cunning, enhances the power fantasy. But to be stymied by a wife or younger partner is just annoying. Skyler and Jesse defy the roles they should have — that is, supportive doormats — in this power fantasy and instead fight the protagonist in ways that don’t involve violence but rather emotion. “I did all of those things to try to save your life as much as mine — but you’re too stupid to know it,” Walt berates Jesse. “You were never grateful for anything I did for this family,” he accuses Skyler.

Through Walt’s eyes, Skyler and Jesse should have supported him, should have been grateful for the things he did for them — and in a typical power fantasy plot they would have. In Breaking Bad, however, they offer an interesting challenge, one that Walt is not able to deal with. He can kill Gus and Mike and the Neo-Nazis and even Hank, in a way, but the biggest threat comes from his former student turned surrogate son turning on him and his wife finally deciding she’s had enough.   

Ultimately, though, Breaking Bad doesn’t condemn Walter White. He gets his punishment in “Ozymandias” in the death of Hank and the rejection of his family, and in his “Granite State” exile, but the final episode, “Felina,” brings his redemption, deserved or not. Walt dies “on his own terms,” as the show’s creator Vince Gilligan has stated. His mercy is the only thing that saves Jesse’s life. He tries to offer Jesse a chance for revenge, but even that act is incredibly selfish, to ask Jesse to kill once more. Walt gets to spend his last moments, feeling rather proud of himself, with his beloved lab equipment. He’s not forced to think on his sins. “I guess I got what I deserve” the final song says in a surprisingly light tone, but did he really? 

Vince Gilligan says that Walt got to die “like a man” — “on his own terms.” There’s a sense of victory in that. But what exactly does this mean? Walt in the end was satisfied with his transformation. If, perhaps, he regretted specific actions, he expressed little regret for becoming Heisenberg: “I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was, really… I was alive.” It doesn’t seem that he would have done it much differently. He got to live, he got to make a name for himself — he got to make a lot of money, and found a way to transfer it to his children. This was his goal from the beginning. Do the ends justify the means?

Breaking Bad never fully condemned Walter White nor the culture of toxic masculinity he represents. The ultra-masculine and violent Heisenberg is shown as a better form than the harmless if personally unsatisfied, pre-awakening Walter White. All things considered, he enjoyed his rise to the top — and the audience enjoyed watching. Toxic masculinity, manifested in Walt, harmed nearly everyone it touched, but in the end Walt didn’t really have to pay his penance. The people around him suffered far worse, and will continue to suffer long after he’s gone.