and for a minute there i lost myself i lost myself

15 tips for traveling alone

I recently returned from a four-month trip around Europe. I backpacked to Spain, Portugal, Italy, Croatia, Greece, Hungary, Germany, Norway and The Netherlands, sometimes with my best friend, sometimes with new friends, and sometimes all alone. 

Travelling alone was one of the best experiences of my life. You’ll surprise yourself with your keen intuition, your ability to cope with a new language, your friend-making skills, your geographical bearings and overall just how much you enjoy doing whatever you want, whenever you want - from eating whenever, going wherever and doing whatever you feel like doing. Sometimes I had gelato for breakfast, once I spent six hours in a museum, a few times I slept til midday, I went to a music festival solo and I swam in the ocean morning, noon and dusk. 

But travelling alone can also be problematic and lonely if you’re not properly prepared. Here’s some easy tips that really enriched my experience travelling alone. 

1. Laptop smart
Not only is it exceedingly hard to navigate foreign transport sites from a phone, my laptop proved really valuable to me when I needed precious downtime, which was about once a week. I loaded up a portable hard drive with movies and boxsets so I could retreat into my own little world with my headphones on to watch a movie in bed when I needed a bit of ‘me’ time. 

2. Device smart
- I subscribed to Spotify Premium for $10 a month and built myself some playlists by mood - chill, happy, groovy, pensive. Then I downloaded them, so they were available offline.
- I also downloaded Tripit, an app that links with your email and builds you an automatic itinerary based on your email confirmations.
- I also downloaded Maps.me, an app with offline maps and GPS location so I was never lost. I dropped a (permanent) pin on the location of my accommodation in each city so I always had my bearings. 
- Also make sure your emails are accessible on your phone - I found the Gmail app to be the best option for me, because many of my emails were available offline - valuable when I needed an address or confirmation number, which was a lot!

3. Spend smart
I went with Citibank Australia, who offer a Citibank Plus everyday account with fee-free withdrawals and fee-free transactions anywhere in the world. Shop around your banks and see what deal you can find - don’t just go with your own bank, who might smash you with withdrawal and transaction fees. Every dollar counts when you’re overseas.

4. Insure smart 
This was a non-negotiable. I actually submitted two claims after this trip - one for a lost phone and another for a change of trip. Make sure you know what you’re entitled to before you commit to a policy - valuables up to $1,000 is essential if you’re taking that laptop or smartphone!

5. Pack smart
A few quick tips:
- Don’t take anything that needs ironing. You’ll never wear it, trust me. 
- Bring your runners so you can walk miles during the day. It really made all the difference for me - on days I wore them I could walk up to 30,000 steps without any pain whatsoever. 
- Bring your flip flops for showering. Tinea is rampant in hostel world!
- Bring exercise gear. I always moved from place to place in my exercise gear - it’s easy to sleep in on long haul bus-rides, and you don’t want to wear your 15kg pack with bad shoes - it hurts your ankles!
- Pack, then don’t take half the things you packed. Every little thing is a lot heavier on your back in the blistering heat, trust me. And they have toiletries in other countries too, you know!

6. Disembark smart
- Always carry some cash with you for the country you’re going to - for me, it was mostly euros. It was essential for my commute from the airport, and when I forgot to arm myself with currency, I was left disoriented, tired and wandering around trying to find an ATM while not getting robbed.
- It’s also worth Googling bus or train information before you board your plane, so you know the fastest and cheapest way to your accommodation before you land. Taxis are tempting - but will run your budget dry quickly. 

7. Book smart 
- Book directly through the website, not the compare-sites - it’s cheaper! This includes airlines, bus companies and train websites, and the hostel websites when it comes to booking your accommodation.
- Also, always book your bits and bobs in a private browsing section. Airline websites have algorithms that send the ticket prices up if they log your IP looking at a price a couple times to create a sense of urgency in you.
- But don’t feel like you need to map your whole plan out before you even leave home - I purposefully left gaps in my plan and life filled them in. I stayed with europeans I’d met overseas, travelled with new friends and went to countries that I had no plans on going to, like Norway (one of my favourite countries in the end!) 

8. Backup smart
After every country I backed up my phone to my laptop and my laptop to my hard drive. If you trust the Cloud, backup to there too. It is devastating to lose travel photos - they’re about the most important thing you own when you travel. 

9. Stay smart
- Hostelworld.com is the go-to site for hostels. If I was nervous about my choice, I’d usually book one night in and extend my stay if it felt right. I always read plenty of reviews for each place, particularly taking notice of the location rating. Cleanliness in the bathroom, uncomfortable beds or a tiny kitchen were things I could deal with. A 30 minute commute to the city was something that wore me down pretty quickly.
- Speaking of the kitchen - that ‘free’ shelf in the fridge is your best friend - use it!

10. Be alone smart
- Find a local pub and go and sit at the bar with a good book. Strike up a conversation with the bartender - they are probably bored out of their mind! Bartenders have a wealth of cultural knowledge about their city that you’d never find on Trip Advisor - ask for their hot tips on eating, drinking, shopping and the sights. I asked each bartender to draw all over a fold-up map in each city so I had a visual reference - it helped me pair things together that were close by so I could plan my days better.
- Also, do the walking tour on your first day. They are usually free (the tour guides live on tips) and they are the most useful introduction to a city - not to mention hugely interesting.

11. Commute smart
If you’re wondering if you should walk or get a metro, walk. If you’re wondering whether you should get the metro or a bus, bus. The metro is fast, but you see nothing. 

12. Dress smart
- If you’re spending the day exploring, wear one less thing than you think you need to. It’s awful being hot and sweaty, but easy to speed up if you’re feeling a little nippy. Plus, your thighs will thank you when they can crush steel between your rippling muscles!
- Runners are pretty much always the best option - you’ll double your productivity with them on. 

13. Mini-pack smart
Your daypack should contain:
- headphones
- a book
- a city map (to ask the locals to circle their favourite places on!)
- a knife and fork (plastic, for impromptu lunches in the park or by the water)
- a water bottle. Water is your best friend between all that exercise you didn’t realize you were doing (win!), the salty restaurant meals you’re eating (yum) and the drinking (inevitable). Drink it in litres - otherwise you’ll be perpetually dehydrated and wondering why you feel so tired. 

14. Wash, dry and iron smart
It’s inevitable you’ll have to wash atleast once a week. Face it, pretty boy. Mama aint here to help you now. 
- Every night, wash the underwear you wore that day in the shower. It takes five seconds, stops them from stinking up the place (we all know undies get the most dirty) and fresh undies are one of life’s little pleasures!
- You can iron out major creases by wetting a towel and wiping the clothing while it’s on you (it’ll dry), or bringing the item on a coat hanger into the shower area (the steam makes the creases drop out) 
- Splurge occasionally and get laundry done. Most hostels do it for less than $10, and having fresh clean dry clothing one of those amazing little things that lifts your spirits when you’re out of your comfort zone. 

15. Socialise smart
Talk to people! Everyone is the best version of themselves when they are travelling. Strike up conversations with people you would never usually speak to, especially those travelling alone as well. Ask them their story, compare itineraries, go on adventures together and who knows? You might just make a friend for life. 

Adored by Him

A/N: So this fic is inspired by the song “Adored by Him” by Dodie Clark. Yeah that’s really it… 

Warnings: Swearing but that’s normal.

Word Count: 2, 428

Your POV 

I honestly never expected any of this to happen. When I became friends with Dan, I did think he was handsome and funny. But I didn’t think I would fall for him as fast as I did. I always pushed away the feelings until they asked if I wanted to move in with them. Being around him 24/7 made it harder to conceal it so I just let it happen. No one knew about my feelings, except Phil, who figured out a year ago. I always expected the feelings to just go away but they didn’t.

But then she happened. Allison was Dan’s most recent girlfriend. They’ve been dating for many months now, and he was absolutely smitten (cheeky Dodie reference again) with her. He never spoke about how he felt about her, but I was able to tell. The way he looked at her with adoring eyes, and smile at the mere mention of her name. I don’t blame him though. She was beautiful, with her butterscotch hair and her smile that could shine brighter than the sun, I bet anybody would fall her easily. She was literally perfect, and I was just…well me. It was easy to figure out how she made Dan’s soul practically glow, and it hurt. A lot.  

I won’t hate you but oh it stings,

How does it feel to be adored by him? 

It was hard to hate Allison. She was super nice, and had the same sense of humor as Dan. Plus, she makes him happy. That’s what matters, right?


I was sitting on the couch, watching my favorite movie with Phil. It was raining outside so we decided to dedicate the day to watching a bunch of movies. Phil and I were cuddled up under a blanket, eating popcorn. It was relaxing to say the least. Dan was out at Allison’s house so, of course, Phil questioned me about my feelings.

“Are you ever going to tell him, Y/N?” Phil asked, nudging my arm with his elbow.

I pulled up the blanket to my chest, and sighed heavily. “Philly we’ve talked about this before. I’ll only ruin things so-" 

"You should tell him. It’s best to get it out there.” Phil gave me a sympathetic look. It’s like he knew Dan wouldn’t return the feelings but he didn’t want to keep any secrets. To be honest I’m surprised he didn’t tell Dan by now. 

“Phil, look-”

Phil and I jumped off the couch when we heard a loud bang, and stumbling coming from downstairs. We exchanged confused glances, and hurried to the front door to see Dan, stumbling around the entrance of our flat.

“Hi guys!” Dan said, his speech slurred.

“Dan what the hell happened!?” Phil questioned, running up to his best friend’s side and helping him take his shoes off. 

“Heh, Allison and I got in a fight. Stupid really-” He tripped over his shoes that he just took off and laughed. He looked up into my eyes and smiled. “Don’t worry I’m fine.” Dan pushed Phil’s hand off his shoulder, and walked up the stairs by himself.

“Y/N, do you want to make sure he’s okay?” Phil asked, walking up to my side as we slowly followed Dan up the stairs.

“Why?”

“Just talk to him." 

I let out another sigh, and took another glance at Dan, who stumbled into his bedroom. "Okay. I’m not telling drunk Dan anything though.” I pointed my finger at Phil, and let out a small laugh to lighten the mood. Phil shook his head, smacking my hand away and smiling.

“Just go.” He laughed. 

I walked to the kitchen, and poured a small glass of water for Dan. I ignored the aching pain in my chest, and the tears swelling up in my eyes. I put down the glass for a moment to take a deep breath, and recollect myself. After a few minutes, I made my way towards Dan’s room where I saw him softly crying. My heart broke at the sight. It pained me so much to see another girl make Dan hurt. I hated it. I walked towards Dan’s bed and gave him the glass of water. 

“Here you go, sweetie.” I sat at the end of his bed, waiting for his response. 

“Thank you.” Dan sniffed, taking a sip of the water. 

“You want to talk about what happened?” I moved closer to him. His legs were hanging over the edge of his bed and he was staring at the cup of water in his lap.

“She doesn’t trust me.”  

“What do you mean?” I was right by his side after I finished the question. I tried to make eye contact with him but he was so closed off, I decided to keep a little distance.

“She thinks that I’m cheating on her with you.” He lifted his head slowly and stared into my eyes. My face turned red and I stared at the ground. I felt the butterflies in my stomach go crazy, and I had to take a deep breath again to calm myself down. I looked back into his beautiful, chocolate eyes and stared in silence for a while.  

Pretty girl there’s no need to fret

Because it’s midnight, he’s drunk, and you’re the one in his head.

You don’t even have to try at all. 

“I can’t say I’m in love with her but I feel something…strong towards her you know? I’m not even sure if she feels the same. It’s just- It hurts a lot that she doesn’t even trust me. ” Dan’s eyes got glossy, and he stared down at his cup again. All I did was nod my head. I understood where he was coming from. Someone you may be in love with and they might not even return the feeling. How ironic. 

“I understand, Dan. But you should get some rest, then talk to her in the morning.” I flashed a fake smile at Dan and stood up from his bed. I stood in front of him, and he stared into my eyes like he was searching for something.

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re honestly the best.” Dan put his glass down on his bedside table and got up to give me hug. I accepted it, taking in his warmth for that short moment I had. I sighed when he pulled away and sat in his bed. “You want to…stay with me for a bit?” He asked, not making eye contact. I gave him a weak smile, and nodded, sitting next to him as he got comfortable underneath the blanket.

I lost track of time, waiting for Dan to fall asleep. I stared at his sleeping figure for god knows how long, I felt like a complete creep. He looked so peaceful with his head resting in my lap it was hard not to. I gently stroked his hair as he slowly fell asleep, his arms wrapped around my body as his head rested on my leg. I checked the time on his phone, 1:00 am. I noticed his lock screen, expecting it to be a picture of him and Allison. But instead it was a picture of him, me, and Phil at VidCon on our day off. I smiled at it, but quickly my smile faded when a text from Allison popped up. I decided to ignore it, and finally leave Dan’s side. 

I crept towards the kitchen, hoping not to wake Dan or Phil up. However, to my surprise Phil was standing in the kitchen, drinking some tea while leaning against the counter. 

“So, how did it go?” He asked, staring at me. 

“She doesn’t trust him apparently. Allison thinks he’s cheating on her with…me.” I sighed. All my emotions that I’ve been holding in all night were surfacing, and I wasn’t going to let it happen. “Um, he’s asleep now. He asked me to stay with him for a little while and I lost track of time because he was…uh-" 

"Cuddling with you?” Phil flashed me a smile, but it faded when he looked into my eyes and noticed the tears coming up. He gave me a sympathetic look and walked closer to me. “You should just tell him so he knows. So you don’t have to keep hurting. He will understand, Y/N." 

"I know Phil. It’s just- it hurts seeing them together so much. And of course I want him to be happy! But that selfish part of me wants him to be happy with me. God, it fucking hurts.” I felt a warm streak roll down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away, looking away from Phil. 

“Y/N.” I knew he was trying to make me look at him, but I hated being this vulnerable. “Y/N.” I gave in and stared into Phil’s icy blue eyes. It was full of sympathy, and I couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Phil, don’t look at me like that please. It’s only making me feel worse.” I felt more tears surfacing and let out a heavy sigh. I heard Phil mumble a small apology and he embraced me in a warm, loving hug. At that point I finally broke. I started sobbing into his shirt, with every sob he would hold me tighter, and tell me everything was going to be okay. He gently ran his hands through my hair. I pulled away from Phil, and sniffed, gently rubbing my nose. 

“Y/N, I know it hurts but-” Phil paused in the middle of his sentence and stared behind me. I looked up to Phil, then turned around to see what he was looking at. There was Dan, his hair curly and disheveled, and his empty glass in his hands.

“What’s wrong?” Dan asked, noticing my red, puffy eyes and the tear stains on Phil’s shirt. He looked into my eyes and I could tell he was concerned.

“N-Nothing.” I lied.

“Obviously there’s something wrong, Y/N, tell me.” Dan walked over to the counter and placed his cup on the surface. I looked up to Phil, and nodded, signaling for him to give us some alone time. When Phil left the room, Dan pulled me into a tight hug, and for the second time that night I broke down. “Want to talk to me about what happened?”

I pulled away from Dan and stared at the floor. “It’s not really about w-what happened. It’s more…what’s happening.” I let out a fake chuckle. Dan shot me a confused look, and backed up to lean against the counter.

“Tell me what’s going on or so help me god Y/N I will-”

“Okay. Um. I guess.”

“Spit it out, please.” Dan tilted his head, giving me a worried look. God I can’t handle this anymore.

“Okay, you don’t even have to respond to this…but I really need it out in the open.” I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, and I took deep unsteady breath. “I just need you to know that…that” I stared into Dan’s eyes and I could feel my heart aching all over again. I felt tears pouring out of my eyes and saw Dan’s tall figure making his way over to comfort me again but I pulled away.

“Please don’t. You’re just going to make this harder.”
“Y/N tell me. Please, you’re making me worried.” I realized that Dan and I were standing really close, closer than we usually are. I looked into his beautiful eyes like it was the last time then stared at the floor.

“I think I’m in love with you.” I mumbled. 

“What? Speak up, love.” Dan said softly. 

“Fuck.” I ran my fingers through my hair and avoided eye contact at all costs. “I think I’m in love with you and it fucking stings so much to see you and Allison together. I mean I don’t blame you, or her. Allison is like the definition of perfect. I mean she makes me look blind with how adventurous she is and you look at her like the world is fucking perfect. It’s so stupid to think that I could compare to her. But god, do I wish it was me in your arms instead of her. Don’t even get me started about how I feel about you because there is too much history to even go over.” I shook my head, staring at the ground, watching my tears hit the white kitchen tiles.

“Y/N, can you look at me please?” Dan was still speaking softly. 

“Dan I told you, you don’t have to even say anything. You could just simply ignore it and leave, I’ll get the point." 

"Look at me, Y/N.” Dan said, more stern but still full of care. I rolled my eyes and stared into his eyes. Even though my vision was blurred I could still see the small glimmer in his eyes. “I’m sorry for-”

“Dan I told you, you don’t have to do this." 

"Y/N, we need to talk about this. We can’t just ignore it.”

“Well I’ve been ignoring it for 3 years now, so I think I’m good. I know the speech you’re about to give me and I just…” I let out a muffled sob into my hand, and looked back up to him. “Please I can’t take this right now." 

"Please let me just-" 

"Dan, I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have said anything. I really need fresh air…I’ll be back in a bit." 

Dan looked over to the clock on the oven, and slowly moved towards the door. "It’s 1:20, Y/N you can’t go outside alone." 

"Well I am, so please move.” Dan was blocking the doorway. I made eye contact with him and got lost in his eyes again. I felt like time slowed down when we stared into each other’s eyes, but I broke the contact because I felt more tears coming. Dan reluctantly walked up to me, opening his arms to give me a hug. But instead, I pulled away from him. 

“I’m so sorry.” I mumbled, and ran down the stairs to the front door, putting on my shoes and coat. 

“Y/N wait-”

I left before I could hear anymore. I let the cold London air enter my lungs, as I tried to relax from what happened, and trying to decide if I should go back and face Dan, or go to a friend’s house. I ultimately decided on staying outside for a while. Sitting on a park bench staring at the trees in the park as I replayed what happened through my head. 

What am I going to do?

A/N: Second part? Or leave it there? YOU DECIDE

My Fake boyfriend Part 9

Summary: After receiving a very rude letter of your ex on the mail saying that he is going to get married. You see yourself not knowing what to do, you can just let it go or accept the help of your hot neighbor and pretend he is your boyfriend.

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words: 2146

Warnings: Just fuffly and maybe some aganst

Thank you @drinkfantasy you are the best

Originally posted by whohehellisbucky

You are in shock…

All happened in slow motion, one moment you are pushing Lucas away from you and the other Bucky is holding Lucas by his shirt lifting him in the air. Bucky punches him in the face, you can feel that Bucky didn’t use half of his strength and that he even pulled his punch back a little.

Sure Lucas would wake up in pain and with a black eye tomorrow, but Bucky could have killed Lucas with just a punch, after all he is a super soldier. Bucky drops Lucas on the floor and his expression soften when he looks at you “Are you okay?” He asks gently.

You nod and he takes your hand. You watch as Lucas gets up from the floor and all you can feel is rage because Lucas has a smirk on his fucking face. How dare him kiss you? Why did he think that he had the right to kiss you? For that moment you let the rage take over you.

Keep reading

How to study while struggling with mental-health

Em Português

  So, I’m new to this studyblr thing, but I haven’t seen something like this before. Studying can be hard while you go on and off with with your illness, and I believe the most important is bending your way of thinking. It’s hard word. But recovery is such a gratifying hard work. 


   You just can’t study sometimes, and that doesn’t mean you’re not being productive. Treat yourself, your body needs rest, food, exercise, relaxing. Everytime you do one of this, you can congratulate yourself. Congratulate yourself, even if it seems so small. In my bad days, texting my best friend is hard. And I let myself feel good when I do it. When I think that only if I’m studying I’m being productive, I tend to loose motivation, and get into the vicious circle of feeling bad brcause I don’t study and not studying cause I feel bad. So I find other ways to feel productive, and increase them until I can put small studies - and them increase them! This might take a few days, or weeks. But remember that you’re trying and that already is remarkable, so do congratulate yourself and do be proud that you got out of bad to brush your teeth. 

 You can try: 

  • Taking care of yourself 
  • Watching a TV show. 
  • Baking something! I love this one 
  • Stretching and walking. It can be just around your room, but it will wake your body up. Cuddle and playing with a pet if you have one. 
  • Reading anything. It can be the dumbest fanfic ever, but it will help you concentrate, so nice one! 
  • Playing a game. 
  • Sketching drawings or random quotes. And this ain’t meant to look pretty, just to be fun. 
  • Coloring.
  • Making yourself some tea. 
  • Anything really!

  “But others are so productive”. You know what is AWSOME? Living when your mind is fighting against you. You’re already formidable for anything you can accomplish because of this. Remember that you’re not to blame on how your brain works, and allow yourself bad days. And every time you do study, don’t ever think “finally, I lost so many times already” but be SUPER proud of you. I am. You’re doing great if you’re searching so much to find helpful tips already.


   Planing is great, but breaking schedules is ok. This happens to everyone, I promise. You wouldn’t blame yourself if you got stuck in the rain, or had to help a friend, right? So why do if you can’t get out if bed? You can’t always control it. So what I do is planing, and instead of feeling bad about what I haven’t done, I feel good about what I have done. Sometimes, looking at lost dates is hard. So I close my agenda and just make a to-do list, crossing the items when I get to them, and never following orders. And remember to put small tasks in your list as well! 


  Have a routine before studying, and have a routine before studying when you’re not feeling good. This helps your brain associate that it needs to concentrate. 

 I have three routines, for example:
 In my normal days, I just stretch, drink cold water and put some music I like and get straight to studying hard.
 On my sad days, I take a cold shower, eat a snack and play some concentration games. Only then I get to studying, and I start with baby steps - I tend to watching videos or listening to poadcasts first. It takes a while, but anything you can do you need to feel proud about.
  On my hipomaniac days, I go for walks or even runs. I need to tire my body a bit or I can’t focus. Then I take two glasses of water and a shower. Only THEN I study, and usually start with reading, to remind myself that while I have a lot of energy and feel good, it won’t do anything without discipline. 

  Find out what works for you. On bad days it will take a while, but if it gets you going, it is more than worth it. 


  Exercise. And again, it is okay when you can’t - and not a privilege of us neuroatypicals. But exercises are good ways to control your body chemistry. I have three exercise routines - again, for normal days in which I have energy, for days when I have less energy and for days in which I have WAY too much energy. You also don’t need to do this everyday, this is me, but have a schedule. And never fear to break schedules. Also, eat healthy.

  Remember: mental illness is all about chemistry, which is frustrating, but also means you can hack it. And not just with medication. 


  Talk about your feelings, and not only when they’re bad. If you can afford a therapist, great. If you don’t, regularly talk to hotlines or trustworthy persons. Or just write about it. It really works to reduce your number of crises.


  Power posing. Talking about hacking brain chemistry! I learnt this from a lecture called Our Body Language Shapes Who We Are, from psychologist Amy Cuddy - you can find it at TED. And it changed my life. Posing like Wonder Woman or all star spread for two minutes gets your cortisol (stress hormone) levels down, and your testosterone levels up! Sounds silly, but it does work. Also, it does look kinda silly so you can laugh and have fun while at it.


  Have safety plans for every bad emotion you feel. I make lists I can look at when an emotion is overwhelming and pick something to do. Things like anxiety crises, sadness, anger, apathy and self destructive thoughts. This will help you reduce the times of this bad emotions and refrain it from growing into worse things, such as episodes. 


  Motivation. Motivation is important to anyone. I love lists - especially because I can hide them if they’re making me feel bad - so I have one for this as well. Things such as: 

  •  I love learning 
  •  Studying is a way of having control over my brain 
  • I want to be a teacher that makes a difference

  I also love listening to Sia’s The Greatest, it’s kinda of my fighting song. If you have one, blast it and perform it ridiculously around your room until your dog is staring at you like you bring dishonor to the family - or is it just my life. 

  Find your motivation and keep it to your chest. ]


  Try out different study methods in different states. Look at posts at studying tips - always remembering that some might not work for you, and that’s not (just) because of your illness, and that’s ok, that’s why they are so many - and use them to build your study routines. Routines are great because they bring safety and help you when you’re lost. 


 Sometimes you can’t control your sleep. It is important to try, however, don’t blame yourself if your brain just make it impossible some days. This is to the folks that are on the bipolar spectrum and like me can go 5 days straight with a maximum of 4 hours of daily sleep. If you know you can’t control it, don’t force it. It will make you feel anxious and you get MORE enrgy and impulsiveness. Tiring your body and brain helps. 

  There are days when it is three a.m. and I just can’t sleep but am not feeling bad. On those days, I work for a maximum of two hours. It is a nice moment for putting your reading in day. But never do this for many consecutive days, you’ll feel like a zombie later. However, it can help with getting something done. And it is especially calming for unrest. 


  Remember that bad days happen and you’re allowed to feel, to cry and rest. And that you’re never a burden when you need help or talk about your feelings. You are only human. Have routines, break routines. Do crazy wishes like decorating a Christmas tree in the middle of June. Pamper yourself. And just never give up. 

Hope some of this helped.

Treetop Confessions

Summary: An accident in training causes feelings to be confessed.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Language, implied sex.

A/N: I wanted to make a Loki or a Thor story in honor of the Ragnarok trailer, and I still may of y’all wanna see one, send me requests for either one of them! I just had this one in writing for so long and I FINALLY finished it. So Voila`!

Originally posted by stuckwithbuck

Ever since Bucky fucking Barnes came to the compound, I have NEVER been the same. The man showed up, and all of a sudden I lost all control of my emotions, hormones and body. Literally everything just fell apart. Also, I haven’t gotten laid in over 3 years. 3 YEARS. I’m not the type to take someone home and sleep with them once, or to be friends with benefits. It’s been my only promise to myself, to not have sex with a random stranger JUST because I’m feeling frisky, that’s what I have toys for. I only have sex with someone when I’m in a relationship with them. HOWEVER, James Buchanan Barnes may make me throw out every promise I’ve ever made to myself and not think twice about it. The sad part is I don’t really even know him very well, we only say a few words to one another. For the longest time I thought the guy just didn’t like me, and Steve had to reassure me that’s not the case, he just doesn’t know how to socialize anymore, and certainly doesn’t know how to talk to women. It’ll take some time, and I understand that. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating that I can’t get over this stupid school girl crush I have on the guy.

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Big Win [Stiles Lacrosse Week Smut]

Author: @dylan-ohbrien
Pairing: Stiles x Reader
Word Count: 3,285
Warnings: Smut (Oral male & female receiving), language that’s about it ;)
A/N: So this is my first time writing a Stiles fic and I thought what better first than one for lacrosse week? I wrote this in a few hours and I haven’t done that in forever so I’m pretty proud of myself for that lol, that being said, I’m sure there are errors that I missed. It’s just kinda cute and smutty so I hope you guys like it! :)

Originally posted by itsbecauseteenwolf

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2

despite his faults, which were numerous and spectacular, the reason i’d liked boris and felt happy around him from almost the moment i’d met him was that he was never afraid

Incomplete

[Summary]: After finding out that your boyfriend Bucky had a one-night stand, your world came crashing down hard and you walk out of his life. Will you give him a second chance? Or will you leave him feeling incomplete?

[Pairing]: Bucky x reader (Steve is mentioned)

[Warning]: angst… SO. MUCH. ANGST. um.. there’s also mentions of cheating, drinking and a tiny bit of swearing.. also a teeny-tiny bit of abuse

[Word Count]: 2,295 (This is the longest one I’ve ever written! Damn, this got really wordy…)

Requested by: @ouatalways

Tagging: @bovaria @marvel-ash @just-call-me-mrs-captain @dividedwecantfall @buckysmetallicstump @mellifluous-melodramas @avengerofyourheart @buckyslion @metalarmproblems @marvelingatthewonder @beccaanne814-blog @mcuimxgine @capsbuchanan @imagine-assembling-the-avengers @that-sokovian-bastard @hellomissmabel @abovethesmokestacks @maybe-mikala @violentlyfarts @hymnofthevalkyries @after-avenging-hours @buckys-shield @buckysberrie @callamint @redgillan @whotheeffisbucky @candyrogers @blueeyedbucky @tragicalchemist @marvelous-fvcks @professionally-crazed @thetalesofmooseandsquirrel @fanfic-shiz @i-dont-know-how-to-write @iwillbeinmynest @theassetseyeliner @lilasiannerd @aubzylynn @ourpeachskies

A/N: BSB gif was made by yours truly! Yea, here we go again with more Backstreet Boys music but this song just fit this request so perfectly. I have no shame for making you listen to their music… [x] Also, I’m so, so sorry about the tiny bit of abuse that I put in here. I DO NOT condone that kind of behavior in a relationship (I have seen it happen and it scared me) I’m also sorry for Steve being a complete jerk in this…

Originally posted by jugheadcami

One hour. One grueling, heart breaking hour is all it took to make the last two years fade into the dark.

You found out from Sam’s roommate, who also happened to be one of your best friends, that your boyfriend and a few of his friends had gotten drunk at a party that Sam threw at his apartment. Even though you were also invited to the party, you had to work that night but you told Bucky that he could go without you. Worst decision you ever made.

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About Time // Part 7

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

Type/Genre/words: Angst, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au, Soulmate!au), Smut / 14,858 words

Character: Jungkook x reader / Jimin x reader (feat. BTS)

Prompts: “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

Summary: Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

Warning: this part has a smut scene ;)

a/n: in this fic/series I made the characters to have similar ages, and not completely the same as their real age. So technically Jungkook, Jimin and the OC all have the same age. Just a little fyi in case you are confused with the timelines.

Originally posted by won-der-land89


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Fanfiction - A Lifetime of Her (Part VII)

Part VII – “You bleed just to know you’re alive”

Twenty-eight

Why do sirens cry in blue and red?

Are they calling for help, for the crushing urgency, the need to rob time of time itself? Or are they warning us to look away, to prepare ourselves because tragedy is upon us – we might as well be next?

Even after many years, I’d recall their grieving sound. The way my hands pressed upon Claire’s belly, blocking the exit of her life with my palms. The screams around me, senseless, enhancing my growing despair. How her eyes never left mine – daring me to stay with her, to keep death at bay.

The paramedics came. They could have taken from seconds to a lifetime to reach us – I wouldn’t be able to say. Time skipped and jumped, a leaf on the fury of wind, fragile at the thought of flying.

“I need you to step aside, sir.” A small man told me with assertiveness, trying to dislodge me from my position, kneeled next to Claire on the ground. His gloved hands were already evaluating her pulse, placing an oxygen mask on her face.

“I will not leave her side!” I growled, ferocious. He gave me a serious look, but didn’t make any further attempts to take me away from her, certain I would strike and maim any man foolish enough to try. He was right.

They quickly bandaged her abdomen with a pile of snow white compresses, held tight against her body by a bandage skilfully applied. Claire tried not to moan, but I could see her pain in every ragged breath, in the sweat that dripped from her brow.

The ambulance flew across the roads of Edinburgh, transporting us to the closest trauma centre. The driver had opened his mouth – about to object my presence – but was shortly discouraged by my menacing glance and a shook of head from the short paramedic.

“Hold on.” I repeated to Claire, like a mantra, holding her band – being almost thrown to the opposite side of the ambulance as the vehicle raced to the hospital, jumping on speed bumps and sliding on the curves like a car in hot pursuit. “Dinna die on me, mo nighean donn. I won’t let ye, do ye hear me?”

“I’m… not… too keen…. on the idea… either.” She puffed haltingly, making a weak attempt of a smile, which almost broke my heart.

“Woman of thirty, victim of an armed robbery, gunshot wound to the upper right quadrant with no exit wound – she’s losing blood fast.” The paramedic announced, as they erupted through the emergency doors, a team standing by to receive them. “Glasgow fifteen, she has been responsive during transport. Her blood pressure kept dropping, the saline is wide open but ineffective fluid challenge.” He informed to a man with brown hair and olive eyes, who nodded in acquiescence, leading the gurney carrying Claire to a trauma room as I followed closely.

“Denzel.” Claire whispered to the young surgeon, as he started to unpack her abdomen to access her injuries. “Is that you?” He looked at her face, surprised at hearing his name, and his eyes opened in shock.

“Claire!” He touched her face in greeting, as nurses hurried around, preparing trays and drugs that might be necessary. “Dear God! What happened?”

“Do ye know her?” I asked, grabbing her hand in spite of a nurse’s protest, prepared to shoo me away from the secluded room.

“Of course.” He looked at me with concern in his calm eyes, as he started to palpate her belly. Claire hissed in pain and he pursed his worried lips. “I met Claire during medical school in Boston and was very pleased when she decided to return to Scotland and be a resident here, as I am. You really shouldn’t be here, sir.”

“Please…” Claire pleaded, closing her eyes for a second and licking her chapped lips. “Let Jamie stay…just a while longer.”

“Alright.” Denzel Hunter patted her hand in reassurance. “As long as he doesn’t faint on me.”

“How… bad… is it, Denny?” She asked, her eyes more unfocused and glassy. “I’m…fairly…sure…it went through…my liver.”

“And I’m sure you’re right - brilliant even in this situation, my dear. I’ll ask Doctor Myers to come in to operate.” Denny smiled, skilfully inserting a catheter on her jugular vein.

“I’ll be dead…before…he gets here.” Claire said sheepishly, raising her brow. Her face was hazardously pale, her whiskey eyes shining even brighter, her orbs dilated from pain and blood loss. “It has…to be you. I trust…you.”

Denny nodded, solemn, checking her pupils with a small flashlight, as she suddenly became unconscious – the monitors around them going crazy with alarms. “She’s bleeding out! Let’s move people, hang that saline wide open and two units of blood on the rapid infuser!” He commanded, concentrated in the wound’s trajectory. “Do you know her blood type, by any chance?”

I didn’t know her blood type – never had the chance to ask her, that information amongst a million other precious details of her that I knew nothing about. I didn’t know her birthday, even though I knew the position she slept in. I didn’t know her favourite dish – even if I was aware she preferred sneakers than high heels. I almost choked at the realization of the lifetime of things I could be robbed of, so devastatingly – left wondering, forever, because the time we had been offered hadn’t been enough. Knowing how much I loved her – and yet knowing so little of the one I loved.

“I dinna ken.” I admitted, gripping my fists, fighting the urge to curl into a ball and weep on the floor, stained with her blood.

“That’s alright.” Denzel assured me, throwing away compresses soaked in blood. “Let’s go with O-negative! I need a blood gas test as soon as possible and someone call the OR, let them know we’re coming! I want to be doing the first cut in less than five minutes!”

“Is she going to be alright?” I fearfully asked him, reluctantly letting go of her hand as a nurse took blood from her wrist with a fine syringe.

“She’s going into shock from the blood loss.” He explained in a steady voice. “I need to repair the damage right away, before she’s too unstable to endure the procedure. We’ll take her away now.”

I approached her, feeling numb as if my own blood had been turned to ice in my veins. I kissed her forehead, my lips hot against her perspired skin.

“Don’t leave me, Claire. This time I’ll beg.” I whispered in a broken voice. “Don’t leave me.”

****

I roamed the strikingly white corridors, incapable of sitting any longer in the waiting room outside the OR, where other husbands, daughters and mothers gathered, hope and fear lurking inside their eyes.

I came upon the small chapel, whispering of shelter and tranquillity in the half-light. I sat on the wooden bench, my hands entwined in prayer – I was ready to surrender to His will well enough, but was intent on offering a bargain.

“Lord, ye gave her to me.” I whispered, my eyes fixed on the cross where he had been martyr, symbol of the most loyal of loves. “I canna make sense of it in any other way. When my need was greatest ye set her upon my path so she could heal my soul. All along I was meant for her.” A warm tear streamed down my check, too raw to be contained. “And I intend to love her well the rest of my days – to care for her and make a home of her heart. I shall repay the gifts bestowed upon me by loving her to the best of my abilities. So I ask ye now – dinna take her away.”

I clenched my teeth, fighting against the sobs that threaten to wreck my body. “For if ye ever loved, ye know this – there’s this place inside me that only exists as long as she walks the earth. Once she’s gone, the part of me that lived in her light – the best, the one that makes me myself and no one else - will die with her.” My voice was unhinged, resounding in the naked walls, pulsing as the chambers of His heart. “I’m none so brave as I was before, ken?” I added very softly. “Not brave enough to live without her anymore.”

I heard footsteps approaching the door – I didn’t bother to clean away the tear tracks on my cheeks. I didn’t turn either – I knew who had come to bring me news.

“Does she live?” I asked aloud – the hint of pain, of shaped glass an inch away from shattering, creeped into my voice.

“She lives.” Denzel Hunter sat next to me, sighing in tiredness as his bones found comfort in transient rest. “It was touch and go for a while, but I was able to retrieve the bullet and repair the vessels – she lost a bit of her liver, but it will regenerate itself with time.” His outline was sharp, softness mixed with edges, akin to a bust of an angel descending from grace to speak of hope to the lost crowd. “It will be a slow recovery – but she lives.”

“Thank ye.” I closed my eyes and bent my head, my body shaking from supressed grief, as I let go of the leash I had been using to keep myself together. “Thank ye.” I repeated. I didn’t know if I was thanking Denzel Hunter or God – but to me, in that moment, they were one and the same.

He squeezed my shoulder in silent acknowledgment and left me alone – to cry for joy and gratitude, for my heart had been saved.

****

I sat by her side as soon as she went to a room in recovery. I jumped each time a monitor bleeped, startled to the point of panic – but she slept peacefully, her lips still hauntingly pale.

I knew sleep wouldn’t touch me – my task was to watch over her. To guard her. To will her back to me.

I marvelled with each heartbeat – found terror in the infinitesimal space between each and every one of them. I talked to her in the Gaidhlig, the language of my dreams, in which I could best tell her all my heart. I brushed her hand with inquiring fingers, learning the lines of her to make sure they were still the same. I kissed her lips softly, remembering the promise of her laugh.

And as the moon rose outside, I watched the circuit of air inside her lungs, the tiny movements of flesh and bone, adjusting to the challenging rhythms of life. I watched her breathe again and again, until she opened her eyes to look at me – and I discovered that I too could breathe again.  

Say You Won’t Let Go (L.H.)

Originally posted by lashtons

A/N: I didn’t even realize that I had this as a request in my ask, but I was inspired by the song so I already started writing this. To the persont that asked me to write this with Calum, I’m sorry but I thought it’d be nice with Luke. Also, that’s a future reference to people that send me requests. If I have a good idea for the request, I’ll write it. If not, I leave them in my ask as references in case I suddenly get inspiration. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this x

Masterlist || Ask

Song

*****

“It’s just one night out, Y/N. C'mon, we all deserve it…you deserve it,” my friend, Katie, tried persuading me. 

I shook my head from where I was lounging on the couch of our shared apartment. “No, it’s okay. I’m content with staying here. You guys go out and have fun.”

Katie wasn’t having any of it. “Nope. I refuse to allow you to spend your first day of semester break sitting on a couch watching Netflix. You’re coming out with us tonight and we’re gonna get you pissed drunk.”

I sighed. I didn’t want to get pissed drunk and be incredibly hungover tomorrow morning. 

Katie saw my expression and toned down a bit. “Please? You always turn down parties and outings with us since you had to study, but now it’s sem break! You deserve a night out.”

I groaned as she gave me a pout. “Fine, but only this one time.”

She jumped up and cheered. “Yes! Now, go get ready! We have to leave soon.

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L$D

Jughead X Reader

Wordcount: 1,888 

Request:  Bit of a different request, but could you do something where Jughead is helping the reader recover from past substance abuse and addiction?

Warnings: Mentions on substance abuse, swearing, angst 

A/N: This issue is very personal to home with me, that’s why I’m writing it. Last year I lost a friend due to substance abuse, and many of my friends take drugs recreationally and have become addicted, so I’ve dealt with addiction first-handedly. I’ve seen the way this has affected them and it’s not a pretty sight. There is plenty of support out there if anyone ever needs to speak to someone about substance abuse. My inbox is always open if anyone wants a chat…Even if it isn’t about substance abuse. 

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Ikea: Drarry

(I saw a prompt for this but I can’t remember where.. if anyone does, please let me known and i can give credit! Thank you :))


Cursing and muttering to himself, Draco spun round the next corner; only to let out a groan of frustration as he saw what lay in front of him.

“Homeware? damn it.”

He persevered through the mounds of cushions and carpet fibres until he saw that the next door along held plants, and if he really squinted, he could see that the adjourning one to that was stuffed full of mirrors and lamp shades.

Accepting defeat, he trudged back the way he had come until he reached the bed section. He snorted to himself in a derisive way. Muggle shops. Hmph.
He flopped down on the nearest, comfortable looking bed, and swore loudly as his heart began thudding when the shop monster began shouting threats through the box things again: “could all remaining shoppers please make their way to the exit as soon as possible.”

“Id fucking love to get out of this stupid fucking store but I can’t find your fucking exit can I?”

Draco, unfortunately, had not noticed the frantic tapping of another’s footsteps as he continued his verbal slaughter on the muggle contraption.

“Malfoy?, Draco Malfoy? What the hell are you doing in Ikea?”

Draco spun around, heart sinking as he saw who his saviour was. Harry Potter was stood there in front of him. His thin wire glasses had been switched for some thicker rimmed ones that framed his face much more nicely. Draco couldn’t help notice how much better Potter looked now than his scrawny school days. He felt the familiar curl of wanting as he felt whenever he caught sight of Potter’s face on a magazine cover, or saw that shock of black hair around the ministry. For all he’d tried, he feelings he’d harboured for Potter had never quite vanished.

He was clearly flushed and out of breath from running. Draco decided to pretend he hadn’t heard Potters own question, and posed one of his own instead.

“Potter. What’s been chasing you this time? Another Dark Lord come to take his chances on the boy who lived?”

To his utmost surprise, Potter did not react with anger or frustration and Draco’s blatant dig. Instead he smiled and even laughed a little, before deciding to flop down very ungracefully on the bed next to Draco’s. He adjusted his position so they were facing one another, and then responded: “No no no, I’m not being chased, I was just so fucking scared because I thought I was trapped in here alone all night.”

Draco took a moment to process this, before realising he couldn’t, and blurting out, “you find spending time with me preferable?”

Potter laughed again, much to Draco’s displeasure,

“Of course I do! Why would I want to be by myself when I could be with someone else? Unless you don’t want me to stay? I can go and find someone else, but, well, it just seems a bit silly, because I thought you were also lost? Why else would you still be in here?”

This was more like it, thought Draco, with a smug sense of satisfaction. He could kick Potter out of his zone and let him sleep somewhere else, or he could tell him that he knows where the exit is because he is choosing to sleep for a while, and send Potter plundering off in the wrong direction (because they were all wrong directions) or-“

“Malfoy! Let’s build a fort!” And before Draco knew what was happening, a tanned hand had snaked around his wrist and was tugging him towards to homeware section before he’d even strung together a proper response.

He wrenching his hand back and only briefly regretted it when he saw the kicked puppy look that had appeared on Potters face. He sneered in an attempt to cover his thudding heart and took a step back. “And why, pray tell, would I want to build a fort with you, Potter?”

The dark haired man was just opening his mouth to formulate some sort of response, when a extremely loud and aggressive buzzing began whirring from around the corner. Using his quick thinking methods to save them both, Draco pulled Potter into the nearest cupboard and slammed the doors shut behind them; feeling very pleased with himself.

He marvelled at the space in the cupboard he had chosen. There was enough room for them both to comfortably sit while they waited for the muggle monster to pass by. Draco shook his head wildly and covered Potters mouth with his hands when Potter went to try and open the door: “it might hear you” he mouthed silently and only once Potter nodded in response did he remove his hand. He did approve of the fact Potters wand was drawn. That meant he was doubly protected if anything did try to attack.

They both slunk to the floor, each with a back pressed to opposite sides of the cupboard. Draco winced inside. How had he managed this? Trapped himself in a cupboard with his long unrequited crush and rival for many years. Well done Draco, he thought to himself, congratulations.

The persistent growl from outside the cupboard was still there, but neither of the boys looked willing to risk being mauled in a muggle department store. It was only after a couple of minutes that Draco noticed the shuddering nature of Potter’s breathing, and the way he head fell between his knees. He inched a tiny bit closer to the man and then whispered “Potter? Are you alright?”

There wasn’t any response apart from the slowing of Harry’s breathing and the thumping of both their hearts. Eventually Harry looked up, and smiled at Draco, who decided to ignore the redness around Harry’s eyes for the time being. Harry outstretched a hand and Draco took it, allowing the distance between them to dwindle and drop away.

“We could die here.” announced Harry, quietly. “We could die right here in this cupboard.”

“That’s cheerful” Draco murmured back, relishing and panicking over their close proximity. Wanting to get closer, and put miles of distance between them at the same time.

“I have a confession to make.” Whispered Harry, so close to Draco that he would not have heard if he’d been any further away.

“Go on.” Draco responded, letting his hand fall on the wall beside Harry’s head. Adjusting his knees slightly so he had more leverage.

“I followed you in here today. I was driving past and caught sight of you and I couldn’t help myself. I wanted the chance to talk to you, to ask if..”

“Yes?” Replied Draco, his heart beating so quickly he was surprised the monster outside couldn’t hear it.

“If you might like to have coffee one day..?”

Draco couldn’t hold back any longer. He leant forward and pushed his lips onto Harry’s, pouring years and years of frustration and lust and wanting into the kiss, and Harry reciprocated, leaning up to meet Draco with equal passion and want that made both their heads spin.

Meanwhile, outside the cupboard, one of the cleaners was dancing as she pushed a hoover around the dirty floor; wondering how more people didn’t get lost in IKEA.

Never judge a book by its cover

A/N: That’s a story I have written so long ago, just never knew how to end it until an hour ago; Enjoy.

Words count: 1900 ish

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warnings: Talk about breast augmentation, body shaming, slight smut.

Originally posted by idealweightjensenacklesontopofme

Dean stared at the assistant he was asking some informations to. She has the widest low cut she could possibly wear at a work place, making her breasts looking like they were about to get out of her top. And had you never seen boobs as big as she had.

She had pretty much the body of one of those manga or hentai girl and hell, she was totally stunning, you thought.

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2

MA / 6888 words

Childhood friends - Dunkirk Harry

Part One

Unknown number:
Little Lulu Lamb, is that you?

Lulu:
Who the hell is this?

Unknown number:
Your mum passed me your number.


Although the reply hadn’t exactly answered my question, I thought I might have known who it was, just because of the name. Little Lulu Lamb. It was something I hadn’t heard for years.
I scowled down to my phone, because although I’d taken a guess, I manged to talk myself out of it very quickly, since it had been years since we last spoke. He’d gone off and auditioned for The X Factor, and then the boy I’d grown up with just wasn’t around anymore. I hadn’t even seen him since, and I wasn’t sure it was because we’d just missed running into each other, or because we’d never really tried to see each other.
All I could think was that it couldn’t possibly be him.
Why would he bother getting in touch now?

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The Perfect Shot

Part Three

Originally posted by beaniesxponytails

Pairing: Jughead x reader

Warnings: none

Summary: The reader struggles to hide Jughead from her parents as he stays in her house.

A/N: This isn’t the best tbh, but the character development was necessary. The next part will be a little more eventful.

Part One

“Don’t you have, like, an air mattress or something?” Jughead sighed.

I scoffed. “How would we inflate an air mattress without my parents hearing it, genius?” I hissed.

“How am I supposed to sleep on this?” he whined, picking up one of the cushions I had painstakingly arranged and throwing it at me.

I glared at him, replacing the cushion. “You could start by lying down,” I said. “And follow that with closing your eyes.”

“Ha ha,” he said, unamused. He lay on the cushions and I threw a blanket over him, before climbing into my own bed.

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The Truth Behind “You are My Heaven”

A/N: Hello, my lovelies. This is not a fic, it’s actually a personal story. Or more like a word blurt. But I offered to share it and people seemed interested, so here it is. This is what inspired my fic You Are My Heaven. Spoilers below, I guess, if you haven’t read the fic. Also, I am working on an epilogue, but it might take me a few more days. You’re all wonderful. Read this if you’d like, but no hard feelings if you don’t. I will be tagging my permanent list below, though. Hope no one minds. Here we go. 

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Enough- Percival Graves

Pairing: Percival Graves/OC

Warnings: Angsty things. 

A/N: Heehee this was too much fun! Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading!


I smiled shyly at the wizard in front of me as he took my hand and brushed his lips across it. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Henry asked.

“Sure, of course,” I answered. He gave me one of his dimpled smiles before taking a few steps back and releasing my hand. Then he was gone, taking the steps down toward the front doors. I watched him go, my smile fading. He was everything I should’ve wanted…smart, handsome, funny. But something was holding me back. More specifically someone.

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Scaredy Cat (Klaus Mikaelson)

I am new to the whole supernatural world thing. I only found out, because I was attacked by a vampire, and I wasn’t able to be compelled. No one knows why. I have no clue what would make me not be compelled since I am adopted. I never knew my real parents, because I was orphaned at a young age. So here I was, in the library of the Salvatore boarding house, watching as Damon and Stefan paced around, reading books. Trying to come up with something. I sat in a chair, unmoving.  

Damon has perceived me as an unknown threat, so I am not to move. How can I be a threat when I have always thought I was a normal human? Not aware of the supernatural world?  

“Could it have been a flaw? Maybe not enough eye contact for the compulsion? I was shaking, and I must have had my eyes closed most of the time, since I was about pass out from blood loss.” I offered up. I had my hands clasped tightly together in my lap, and my legs were bouncing quickly, and I kept fidgeting. Surely Damon’s jokes about killing me, if they didn’t find out what I was, weren’t complete jokes. Elena had filled me in, and had told me about how Damon is. Kill first, ask questions later.

“I said no talking, no moving. That means no shaking.” Damon snarled. I flinched, and I forced to keep back a whimper. I just want to go home. That’s all I want.

“Damon, you’re scaring her. If she is some creature that will kill us all, fear only makes it worse.” Stefan said to his brother. I didn’t mind Stefan. He seemed to control his brother. I admired Stefan, he was strong, smart, but had compassion. If there was something he could do to save someone, he would do it.  

“Maybe I could help?” I said, as I slowly stood up, and in an instant Damon was in front of me, grasped my shoulders tightly, and began shaking me.

“I told you not to move! What are you? Tell us, now!” he said, veins appearing beneath his eyes. I whimpered, and tried to get away. He threw me back against a wall, and I fell into a glass table. Glass pierced my skin, and I cried out. I laid there, crumpled on the floor for a moment, before I scooted myself out of the way. My back hit a wall, and I drew my legs up to my chest. I felt dizzy. No doubt because I hit my head. My shoulder hurts, and I felt blood seep through my shirt. I want to go home.

“Damon! What did you do?” Stefan yelled. He made a move to come towards me, but I shook even more, and whimpered. Not even trying to conceal my fear. I felt my mind wander, and I found myself looking through a veil and I saw hazy shadows, and I heard whispers and wails. Some were scared, some were angry, above all, they were confused. I found myself sucked back into reality, and I paid attention to the brothers hushed whispers.

“He might know something. Surely he’s come across this before.” Stefan said. Who are they talking about?

“Definitely not. He’s satan. Or at least his brother!” Damon said.

“Scaring her didn’t work. Hurting her didn’t work. What else can you do?” Stefan asked.

“Kill her?” Damon offered.

“We’re not killing her. She could be useful.” Stefan said. Is that all I am? A possible asset or enemy? Is that all they see life as?  

“Maybe she’ll regenerate or something.” Damon said.

“No. We’re not killing her. I’m calling Klaus.” Stefan said, and walked away. I felt eyes on me, and I began shaking. Please don’t kill me. That’s all I ask. I stayed huddled in my corner, and I found myself back looking through a veil, and watching the shadows.  

“Can you see us?” a gravely voice asked.

“You look like shadows.” I thought, not wanting to say anything out loud. Who knows, maybe I’m just going crazy, or it will give Damon a reason to kill me.  

“That’s because we are. We’re the Shadows. Not ghosts, not spirits.” the same voice said. This is all too much.

“Stay, please.” a younger voice said. A little girl appeared in front of me.  

“Who is Klaus?” I asked.

“A frightening man, but he won’t kill you. You can trust him with your powers. He’ll protect you. Just stay loyal to him. Stay away from the Salvatore’s.” the girl said.

“What are my powers? I’m just a human.” I voiced through my thoughts. Surely I’m just a schizophrenic.

“You can communicate with the lost. All the souls that were misguided, and never found. With practice, and through trust of us, you will be able to seek information. You’ll be able to communicate with the other side in time, bring people back to life, and take a life with a single touch. You’re a Reaper. Not the kind that you’re thinking of. No. But you’ll get to be powerful, don’t you worry.” the girl said, and then her face, along with the other shadows faded.

I guess I’m a reaper. Whatever that is. I felt eyes on me, and I turned my head, and I saw Damon glowering at me. I stifled a shriek, and I shook violently. Just let me go home. Minutes later, I heard a door open, and two steps of footsteps walked towards this area. One was Stefan, and he had an aged and tired look on his face. The other was an attractive male, with blonde hair, and just looking at him, I could sense he was confident.  

Damon pointed over to me, and I shrunk back, afraid. If Damon hates this person, and Damon is vicious, shouldn’t I be afraid of him too? But the voice I heard. The voice of one of the shadows. Klaus stepped towards me, and I tried to distant myself, but I couldn’t push myself back any farther than I already was.  

Klaus glared at Damon, when he saw my bloodied, injured, and frightened formed, knowing it was him who hurt me. “Leave.” Klaus said. Damon looked like he was about to protest, but Stefan dragged him away, and I relaxed slightly.  

Klaus crouched down to my level, and peered into my eyes. “What’s your name, love?” he said calmly. I diverted my eyes away from him, and looked at the ground.

“Why should I tell you?” I said, my voice hoarse from crying.

“The idiots are right, you can’t be compelled. Come, let me get you out of here.” he said. He moved forwards, and I shook with fear. “I won’t hurt you. Now come on.” he said, and lifted me up into his arms, and I winced when I moved my shoulder. His eyes hardened, and he looked up the stairs sharply.

Everything blurred around me, and a few seconds later I saw that we were outside my apartment door. He opened the door, and tried to step through. He looked like he had trouble, but still managed to get past. When Stefan tried to come in earlier he wasn’t able to.

Klaus set me down on my couch, then went and closed my door. He came back over to me, and sat next to me. “So tell me. What’s your name?” he said again.

“(Y/n).” I whispered.

“That’s a lovely name, now, whatever you tell me, I can tell you honestly that I won’t tell the Salvatore’s. They don’t see sheer talent and strength when they see it.” Klaus said to me.

“Do you already know what I am?” I asked.

“I have a few ideas. Were the brothers able to get past your door?” he asked.

“No. But you were, but you’re a vampire? How is that possible?” I asked.

“I’m stronger than most. I’m one of the original vampires. You’re not able to be compelled that part was obvious.” he said thoughtfully.

“When I was in the corner, it was as if I zoned out. I was looking through a veil. I saw shadows, and I heard their cries and screams. The second time I went, a voice asked me if I could see them, I thought to them, since I didn’t want to talk out loud, and they called themselves the lost. The shadows. A young girl appeared and told me that I could trust you, she said that I will grow powerful.” I said to him. I sat on my hands, looked at the ground, and bit my lip harshly.

“What did she call you?” he asked.

“A reaper.” I whispered. He sucked in a breath, and I looked up at him. He had a faint smile on his face.

“Don’t worry (Y/n). I won’t let any harm come your way. Now let me clean you up. You like you went through a meat grinder.” he said.  

“I feel like it. Let me get my first aid kit, and clothes.” I said, as I went to stand up, but Klaus grabbed my arm.

“No, love. You sit. Where is everything?” He asked.  

“My clothes are in my room, the closed door at the end of that hallway, over there, and my first aid kit is in the bathroom cabinet. Rags and towels are in the bathroom closet.” I told him. He walked around, gathering my belongings, and I sighed. This is all too much. Just two days ago I believed I was completely normal. I had anxiety, but normal. Then I was attacked by a vampire of all things, and found out I am a damn reaper.  

Klaus returned to my side, and began peeling back my shirt. He looked like he was having difficulties, because he was trying not to hurt me or scare me.“I got it.” I said. I pushed his hands away, and I lifted my shirt off, and I placed it on my coffee table. He sucked in a sharp breath when he took in my injuries. All because of one brutal vampire with anger issues. I thought Klaus was supposed to be the vicious one? Surely everyone is mistaken.

He began cleaning away the blood, and I bit my lip harshly to keep from crying out. This all hurts way too much. Tears sprang to my eyes as he ran over my shoulder. “Klaus, it hurts too much. Stop. I’ll just stay bloody.” I said. His eyes flickered to mine, and he had a look of determination on his face.

“(Y/n), love, I have to clean you up. I know you’re in pain, but if I don’t clean you up, you will get an infection. I don’t want my little Reaper to get sick.” Klaus said.

“So I’m just some piece of property now, is that it? If so, I’ll gladly fling myself off of a cliff.” I said, angrily. If I wasn’t badly injured I would have jumped up in a rage. Sadly I couldn’t.  

“No, sweetheart. That’s not it.” Klaus said in a soothing manner. I wanted to believe him, but after the compassionate Stefan only viewed me as a possible asset, and not as a person stung a little bit. Besides, Stefan didn’t even know what I was. Klaus does.

“Then what is? Please do go on.” I muttered. I could tell my attitude was slowly wearing Klaus’ patience down. But after the hell I went through tonight, I believe I have a right. I just want to go to sleep, and possibly throw myself out of my sixth story window.  

“(Y/n), I recognize how powerful you can be. I want to protect you.” he said.

“And put me in a china cabinet until I’m best suited for use?” I snapped. His eyes darkened a shade, and his hand froze from wiping the blood off of me. A second later he regained his composure and continued cleaning me up, moving on to the first aid kit.  

“Any other occasion, yes, yes I would, but not you. I admire your strength. Usually a fragile human would be shaking and crying, but you on the other hand have to courage to speak up. And how would I protect you if you weren’t in my sight all the time?” Klaus said, gently.

“So you really want to protect me?” I asked. He nodded his head.

“Yes, love, I really want to protect you. No I won’t lock you away, I’ll keep you by my side.” he said in a reassuring manner. I looked up into his eyes, and there was no hint of deceit. The one thing I remember of my birth mother was she told me that I had a special gift of knowing when someone was lying. I never believed her of course, but here I am, looking at the face capable of destroying villages, and I know he is telling the truth. I just know it.

“I believe you.” I whispered.  

“As you should. You have a gift of know how, I can easily see that.” Klaus said, as he taped gauze onto my shoulder. He pulled a shirt over my head, and helped me get dressed. He stood me up to my feet, and handed me a pair of sweatpants. I shrugged them on, once I removed my blood stained jeans.  

I sat back down, and he pulled me to his side. I got comfy, and he wrapped his arms around my waist in a protective manner. “I’ll keep you safe. From the Salvatore’s, the fear of the Shadows, and any other threat that happens to be in your way. I promise.” he whispered. I knew he was telling the truth.I just knew it.

Originally posted by salvatore2-mikaelson7