and don't we all miss him

10

”Everything he does seemed to be effortless, even now; watching him leap around a stage in front of thousands of people, he seems untroubled and free from self-doubt. It’s easy to be jealous - he’s one of those people who are just good at things, we all know one - but to assume this means he takes it all for granted, or doesn’t worry, or try, would be oversimplifying him unfairly. His bundles of talent are a mixture of natural ability and intense heart.” - Gemma Styles

I was never close to you but you made me feel as if I knew you. We don’t talk anymore but I check up on you sometimes and I wonder if you’re still the same person: if your eyes crinkle and light up whenever you laugh and how your eyes do all the smiling. I wonder if you still wear those sweatpants that you somehow made look great.
—  I wonder about you

why are people saying connor was abusive? idk where in canon is the fact that connor is abusive to his family addressed in canon? i feel like it isnt. all we see of him interacting with his family is his brief interaction with them in anybody have a map…. he wasn’t abusive, he was a snarky teenager. the only thing we know beyond what we clearly see is what zoe and larry say in requiem… we see zoe very clearly both in anybody have a map and in requiem blame her brother completely for his mental illness, she mirrors her parents opinion on it - connor’s drug problem is HIS fault and we see them view it as an annoyance not as a facet of his illness. larry is mad that connor “threw [the world that larry gave him] away”… i.e. larry gave him a good life, a good house, made sure they were in a good financial situation… basically “you’ve got a good life, why are you depressed.”

yes, we see connor being an ass to his family…. but i don’t think anything he did was anywhere close to abuse? he’s a kid who is sick and he is alone and his family isn’t doing anything to truly help him. connor is in no way perfect. he is not soft or pure…. but none of these characters are perfect. that’s their beauty. don’t put connor murphy into the “cinnamon roll” box, but don’t put him into the villain box either. as much as connor failed his family, they failed him.

(edit: i forgot what zoe said about him banging on her door etc., which is obviously inexcusable. i apologize for my mistake. just… remember that connor is a scared & lonely kid don’t villainize him for exhibiting ugly symptoms of mental illness that you can’t romanticize. obviously mental illness is NOT an excuse for abuse (i was in an emotionally abusive relationship for over a year and my abuser was mentally ill) but… don’t put any of these characters in a box theyre all so beautifully complex and deeply flawed and they deserve more than a box.)
In the near future...

FBI: Miss, we found some questionable material on your computer…
Me: *thinking* Oh shit, all that music I illegally downloaded back in middle school…
Me: *out loud* I don’t know what you’re talking about.
FBI: May we come in?
Me: *thinking* FUCK! How did they find out! It’s been like ten years and at least five pcs since…
Me: *out loud* It’s cool, I have nothing to hide
FBI Agent: *opens laptop* Would you mind explaining this?

Me: *sweats nervously*
FBI: You do realize this is a 15 year old, right?
Me: I don’t know how that got there!
FBI: Riiiiiight

3

“Yo, you’re not the only one who misses him!”

“You can’t understand how I feel, none of you had what we had!”

“he probably just wanted to protect you, like everyone else.”

-Rose’s Scabbard, Steven Universe

remember the pure™ days of gmw when all we had to worry about was who was going to be endgame and not that one of the actors was a raging racist trump supporter

Now that Moon Lovers is ending I would just like to say:

1.) Wang So and Hae Soo falling apart was meant to happen, so let’s not feel so bad. Hae Soo was only meant to love him and to help him become king, she was not meant to be with him until the end. notice how they started falling apart after So became king? it’s because her purpose for being sent back to Goryeo period is done, fate is taking its course to let them know that she is no longer needed there. it’s absolutely unfair for two people who love each other so much, but history must happen in the way it was always meant to happen. she needs to go, and sadly there’s nothing she, nor So, nor Baek Ah, nor you and i can do about it

2.) Wang So and Hae Soo’s love story was one of the most poignant yet beautiful love stories i’ve ever come across with. it hurts to think that they can’t be together in Goryeo, but we have to accept it. we shipped a ship that was meant to sink. but their moments, the stories they told each other, the things they did for each other, all are such beautiful memories, i’m sure will remain in their hearts forever. if we get a modern day Wang So with no memories about Hae Soo at all, he just won’t feel like the same person, i know. i’m sad about that, too

but at this point, the best thing we can do is believe that two hearts that are meant to be together will always gravitate back to each other

Guilt spread through my chest and all the sudden I couldn’t see anything. He said that’s how it’s supposed to be. He told me that’s what living feels like. He said that uneasiness wasn’t guilt, it was excitement and I was right to be overwhelmed by it. I took his hand and let him show me his definition of living. Somehow he got in my head and the life I have really doesn’t feel like a life at all anymore.
—  “Trust me,” He said.
It’s like you don’t even care anymore, you know there’s something wrong but you act like everything’s fine, can’t you see how much distance there is between us right now. We used to be so close, I told you everything even things That I’ve never told my friends, and you helped me a lot through all the shit, you were always the first to call and the first to know, but now it’s seems like you can’t be bothered to even reply back to me. It’s not fair, you can’t just cut me off like this. But it annoys me that even after this I don’t hate you at all, it just makes me miss how we used to be. Now we can’t even say hi to each other. I miss you so much, I want us to go back to how it used to be, I’ll do anything. I really just need to, because all those times I wanted you to say it will all be okay, you weren’t there but I really just need you, as a friend, Idc if you love me or not but I am really not prepared to lose you at all.
—  Really just need you right now is that too much to ask.
Nobody owes us. What’s sad is we think that if we do something, we deserve that thing to be reciprocated back to us. But once things are done, they’re done. There’s no going back, not even if we want there to be. All we can do is look ahead.
—  (via fraagmented)
2

GUYSSS I’m so happy!!! Last night I was chilling in my room and my roommate left for a few min which was whatever I was just chillin with her boyfriend. So I went to go throw out his empty pizza box and he was like “No! Don’t leave. We need to do something really quickly while Darcy’s gone. Come here.” And was just generally doing a terrible job of subtly keeping me in the room when all of a sudden I hear “I’m a Believer” playing in the hallway. So I run to the door bc I LOVE THE SHREK SOUNDTRACK and want to see who is gracing us with such a sound. So I open the door to none other than my best friend!!! He & my roommate planned for him to come surprise me at school!!!! I screamed his name so loud I hurt my throat and almost cried. I’m so happy!!! Then he asked me to his junior prom and he’s staying the weekend and I’m just. My heart is so full

5:48
—  I look at you and I remember every little detail. The way your smile formed, what made you laugh, your gentle touch, how your lips kissed mine. The way you tied your shoes. One look at you and every memory, every feeling, every thought comes rushing back, attacking me.
We’re all sober alcoholics until we find something we love getting drunk on.
—  Nicole Torres //: and it’s more than just a drink

You always told me that I was a terrible liar. Turns out that might not be so true. I lie all the time now. People ask so many questions and I know better than to tell the truth. “Are you two still friends?” They say.
“Yeah, we’re okay.” I reply.
“Do you miss him at all?” They say.
“Not really anymore. We both moved on.” I tell them.
“Do you think you would get back with him if he wanted to?” They ask.
“No. Never.” I lie through my teeth.

If I told them the truth, the truth would reach you in a matter of minutes. People talk too much. So I lie to them, to my friends, and even to you. Remember when I told you that I didn’t love you anymore?
In the coldness of your eyes, I knew you believed me. Don’t beat yourself up over it though, it was such a good lie I even believed it for a while. But lies always unravel in time.

—  Little white lies
4

I’m too lazy and tired rn to get pics but….. between miss fritter and jimbo ii, the Cars of the demo derby are gonna be. Fucked. UP. Jimbo’s truck bed is almost entirely crumpled inwards and barbed wire is holding the rest of him together. Fritter has a seriously dented roof, parts of her are replaced with fence/random metal and she has CHEWED UP sides.

So we all know Lightning crashes and gets fucked. I wonder how these more…. permanently fucked cars are gonna play into explaining his psyche/healing/self-image.

I hate bad days. I hate bad days because we FaceTime and I’m just in a bad mood so I treat you like crap. And then I feel even worse because I just treated you like crap and all I need is a hug.
—  11:36 pm, May 6th 2016.
My friends are all telling me to text him. Apparently I haven’t been the same since he left. They say that they just want me to be happy again. They say that we need to be friends again if that’s what I want. They don’t realize though that my intentions aren’t that good. I want him all to myself. I know that’s terrible but I have really missed us. I just don’t like waking up and not being able to call him and ask him to join me on some ridiculous adventure. He was my person. He was the love of my young life. Honestly, keeping it to myself isn’t doing me any good.
—  Counting down the days until I burst