Man. I just watched The Walking Dead and I cried way too much. I’m emotionally fucked up, thank you AMC. And how much can that f** Negan guy talk????? Sorry I gotta go cry in a corner for the rest of the day.
2 days until Luhan’s birthday and Lay finally mentions him. as a fan who appreciates and adores Layhan’s friendship, this means so much to me ㅠㅠ I’ve been waiting 5 months for one of them to confirm that they still keep in touch. I didn’t doubt it for a second but I just missed their friendship and needed to know. I’m just happy and emotional and hopefully one day we’ll be able to see them together again.
brothers forever ♡
Aries - I know sometimes you have nothing to say, even when it feels like the entire world is lined up in front of you waiting for you to speak; it is always okay to walk away, no matter how many people are hanging on your every word.
Taurus - you are the only person whose actions are a reflection of yourself; stop looking around you for anything other than inspiration.
Gemini - sometimes entire solar systems will try to make a home on your shoulders, and sometimes it doesn’t take more than a speck of dust to tip the scales and crumble your spine; it is okay to push everything out of your mind when breathing gets too hard, and it is okay if you don’t stick around to make sure they land gently.
Cancer - the world is loud, but you can be louder; its noise always seems so tough, but your voice is tougher.
Leo - you are so loved, but that love will always feel like it’s washing right off of you when you’re moving too fast to let it soak in.
Virgo - fall back into yourself as gently as you can; too much force and you become someone new entirely.
Libra - detours are sometimes what make your path worthwhile; not everyone has everything mapped out and that’s more than okay.
Scorpio - repeating yourself is important sometimes; repeating yourself is most useful when you say what you’re trying to say in a different way each time.
Sagittarius - let yourself be.
Capricorn - sometimes the world is so trying that breathing becomes hard; sometimes breathing itself is taxing, and I wish I knew what would help you in those moments.
Aquarius - the world will be a lot easier to live in when you realize that it isn’t for or against you, it just is; there are people and webs and roads that can help you or hurt you, but the world itself is neutral.
Pisces - trust yourself enough to know when you need to trust someone else.
I mentioned earlier that we get so little from Dean’s childhood, but I want to take a moment to examine what we DO get, because most of it is incredibly disturbing and sad, imo:
First know that Dean as four years old when he saw his mother die, and that the trauma of that caused him to stop speaking for some time. We don’t know how much he saw or how long his silence lasted, but one can imagine. We know that John, very soon after her death, went searching for answers, taking the boys with him. We know that John started training Dean to shoot at age 6 (the age of a kindergartner/first grader), and that THIS is the most loving/bonding moment Dean remembers having with John in his young life. We know that Dean was also little when John taught him how to drive. And that he was eight years old or younger when John began taking him on out on hunts (again, that’s taking a 2nd grader into a battle).
We know that John also periodically left Dean to care for Sam (and himself) for days on end as early as age nine, maybe earlier. We know that he left them for weeks/ months at a time later on (how much later we aren’t sure) and that he often extended the time he was supposed to be gone. And we know that Dean was responsible for looking after Sam during this time, which not only included cooking, dressing, and otherwise caring for the younger child (as it would in real life), but also included Dean acting as Sam’s bodyguard from very real and vicious, physical threats.
We know that John took Dean’s duty VERY seriously. That he would remind Dean constantly to take care of Sam, and that it was his most important (and common) command.We know that John would punish Dean for Sam behaving out of line (such as running away), and though we never see John physically hurt Dean, we know he was not above using psychological punishments for long periods after a perceived failure on Dean’s part.
We know that John had a drinking problem, and would also periodically disappear on benders for days, possibly weeks at a time, only to stumble home drunk later on. We know that he was not great at communicating with his children when this happened (or in any instance for that reason), and they were often unsure of when (or if) he would return home. We know that Dean in turn had his first drink before age 10 (though we don’t know how he got it), and that John was buying him alcohol by age 16.
We know that money/food was often scarce for them (even with John there), meaning they often ate poorly. Dean learned to stretch what he could and make the best out of it, even when they were forced to eat the same thing over and over (like getting creative with his cooking of macaroni).
Cooking seemed to be a common occurrence for Dean, which he continues
into adulthood (and later we will see that Dean also cleans and irons
Sam’s clothing). During childhood they lived mostly in dirty motel rooms or out of their car, with only a duffle bag’s worth of belongings.
We know that Dean was taught to hustle by his father, and was doing it at a young age (only 14 or possibly younger) to make money for the family. We know that in addition to hustling, stealing was also something Dean occasionally did to survive.
We know that there was at least one time where Dean ran out of money,
and was abandoned for months after getting caught stealing food for Sam.
We know that John was not big on celebrating holidays or the boys birthdays.
Dean’s most cherished Christmas memories include stealing presents for Sam and receiving a single gift from Sam, that was originally meant for their father anyway, and John bringing home a reef made of beer cans one year (seriously, this is the memory he brings up to argue that their childhood wasn’t so bad?! Ouch). We also know that Dean is jealous of Adam for having gotten taken to a baseball game for his birthday.
We know that the boys moved constantly, never staying in one place for
longer than a few months at a time, and that Dean eventually dropped out
of highschool, choosing to get a GED instead. As far as we know, Dean never had any real friends during his childhood, and never had a serious relationship until Cassie (which still only a few months because John ordered Dean away).
We know that Dean was charged to keep the secret of Mary’s death, hunting and monsters from Sam, as well as from everyone else, making John the only person he could talk to about either, until age 12, when Sam read John’s journal and discovered the truth. Even afterward, Dean remained isolated from the outside world by this secret and it seemed that Mary was still not really talked about, save as a reason for them hunting. She remained a sore subject/ on-going trauma for Dean, who swore he would never return to his childhood home. We know that Dean often ended up supporting consoling and his father
emotionally, as well.
We know that Dean was incredibly compliant with his father’s wishes and would follow most any order given to him, even orders that were vague or indirect. That John was not in the habit of explaining things, even when the boys were old enough, and operated more like a drill sargent than anything else. While we are aware of Sam being allowed extracurricular activities in school, there is no such equivalent for Dean, save the 2 months he as abandoned at Sonny’s. We know that both Dean and Sam were trained in physical and other forms
of combat from a young age and that they sparred with each other.
As a child Dean was afraid to cease practicing, even just to throw around a ball with Bobby for an afternoon. (We know that Bobby knew them as children, but it is unclear how big or small of a presence he was in their lives). We know that John’s authoritarian rule chaffed on Sam after he hit puberty, leading to some big fights, for which Dean commonly played mediator/ peacekeeper.
As you can see, there IS a sort of picture forming here, and it’s not a pretty one. Dean’s childhood was fraught with trauma and loss, poverty, monsters, physical danger, neglect, and psychological abuse. He was isolated, over-burdened, and conditioned to serve others, often at his own expense. He was continually in danger of losing his own life (not to mention injury) and those he cared about, and discouraged from forming attachments outside of his family.
While we actually do have a lot of information, it’s been mainly given in bits and pieces, with many gaps left for us to fill in. It’d be nice if the show would do some more of that for us.