and delena just annoys me this season

Why I disabled the comments on the TVD video:

Hi there, 

So, over the past 3 days I have been completely and utterly overwhelmed by the amount of response the video has garnered. And it’s completely and utterly terrified me. A lot of it has been positive and people have understood what I was trying to say and that’s wonderful. But, a lot of people - while loving the video, only like it because I talk about Damon and Delena. And an alarming group of people have taken personal offence over the fact that I used their favourite ship and character as examples of how the show promotes negative things like rape culture. 

I need you to know that I uploaded the video with good intentions - I didn’t upload it out of hatred or because I wanted attention. The amount attention I’ve been getting isn’t something that I’m happy about, I’m not the kind of person who likes being center stage. The video wasn’t about me. It was about addressing issues that I have with a show I used to love. 

Yes, a show I used to love. I loved the Vampire Diaries and I was emotionally invested in the characters. And I loved Damon AND Delena. I loved Damon because he was interesting and compelling to watch on screen. I thought his lines were hilarious and his “I don’t give a crap” attitude has appeal. I enjoyed Delena because it was exciting and kept me watching while Stelena would put me to sleep. I liked Delena because I felt like vampire Elena worked better with Damon than with Stefan. 

I shipped them so, so hard.

And then they became canon.

And that’s when everything went downhill for me.

I know I’m not the only one who felt like season 5 was the worst season of the show. But it’s really when I started to realize how problematic the relationship was. It went from being interesting to being annoying. I realized Elena wasn’t even a character anymore - just a plot device and a reflection of the guy she was with. 

And I began to reflect on earlier seasons and I realized how problematic a lot of stuff was.

I love morally grey characters - they’re compelling and a lot more interesting than characters with strong moral compasses who are inherently good - and that’s why Damon appealed to me.

But the problem I began having was how the writers allowed him to get away with his abuse towards women.

My problem isn’t with the character of Damon, it’s with the writers portraying him to be a wounded hero when he hasn’t had a redemption arc. 

Has Damon developed as a character and gotten better? Absolutely. Has he redeemed himself? No.

Does that mean he may never redeem himself? No, it doesn’t.

But it’s about accountability. 

What wasn’t sitting well with me was how the writers were okay with letting Damon get away with abusing and raping Caroline and Andie.

I understand a lot of people don’t think Damon raped them, but it seems clear as day to me that he did. Taking their fear away meant taking away the thing that was stopping them from wanting to be around Damon. Fear is what made Caroline hit Damon with a lamp and tell him to get away from her. Would she really have slept with him again? And, their relationship continues for quite a few days after that. And I think it’s a little naive to assume they weren’t physical during that time.

I understand that both women consented the first time. I understand they were attracted to Damon. But taking their fear away wasn’t fair to them. Treating Andie like a distraction wasn’t fair to her. And verbally and physically abusing Caroline was beyond disgusting.

He objectified and degraded these women. He tells Andie he kills people and he immediately compels her to not be afraid - without giving her a chance to think about whether or not she still wants to sleep with him. 

And whether you think it’s rape or not, it was abuse. And it’s not something Damon ever apologizes for.

And that’s not okay, you can’t portray a character to be a hero if he can’t even apologize to someone who he took advantage of and abused.

And me talking about and saying rape out loud doesn’t undermine the crime or the trauma real people who have been raped go through. What undermines it is people putting a long list of requirements and nitpicking at what is considered rape and what isn’t. What undermines it is people going to the ends of the earth to defend Damon’s actions.

BUT IT’S NOT THE CHARACTER’S FAULT. They’re fictional, they don’t have control over their actions - the writers do. 

And that was my issue. The writers allowing the abuse of female characters to go unacknowledged while simultaneously glorifying their abuser.

And that isn’t okay. Especially on a show where the main viewer demographic is young and female.

I understand a lot of people aren’t influenced by the show. But a lot of people are. I have personally met girls who want guys like Damon, young, 12 and 13 year old girls. And that’s terrifying. 

So, if the show isn’t influencing you in that way and you understand what Damon does is wrong THAT’S FANTASTIC. But that doesn’t mean it’s not influencing people out there. And, there a lot of people who don’t realize how wrong a lot of the Damon has done is. And that’s who this video was for. 

And, on top of that, It was MY opinion, which I’m entitled to. And that I don’t expect you to agree with. 

I was respectful in the way I presented my thoughts in the video and I’ve been respectful while replying to comments - and I’ve actually apologized if someone has found my reply to their comment disrespectful. 

I’ve been nothing but respectful and polite yet I’m getting bombarded with abuse I don’t deserve. People are telling me to go kill myself and that I’m a whiny bitch, for doing what? 

I don’t deserve that. 

I’m not asking you to agree with me, but, if you’re going to disagree, you could be respectful about it. 

And a lot of people have been extremely respectful even though they disagree with me. And I appreciate it immensely, that they’ve opted to talk to me like I’m a human being who feels all the same emotions they do. 

And I will be making a Q&A video addressing other characters and ships as well as questions people might have about the video. That won’t be going up for a while though, because I have exams and I’m moving country. 

But, for now, the comments will be disabled because the comment section is becoming a battle of the ships and a hate fest. 

katherinepierceismyqueen  asked:

I would enjoy it much more if Stefan would stop cheering Delena on. It annoys me to no end. Stefan wants his brother to be happy, and he wants Elena to be happy. He's totally selfless like that and I love him. But I can't believe that Stefan doesn't see that none of them were truly happy in that relationship. He's not that stupid, so why write him that way. I also think portraying Delena as toxic is not an accident, but they're just handling it so badly it makes me wanna punch a wall.

It’s not even hard to see. Elena was a full blown wreck for most of season four (and yet Damon could make her feel alive, how, by dirty dancing with her in a bar and then leave her to feel like total crap because he wanted her to be like him? or to tell her to kill someone so she could go crazy over guilt?) and in season five, she was happier after the break ups than when she was with him. She didn’t even want to get back together with him after he broke up with her in 5x10. So no, she wasn’t happy.

For a while, I was leaning towards “but Damon was”, except that when you think about it, he really wasn’t. He was constantly incredibly threatened by Stefan, by the relationship Stefan and Elena had, which caused him to be even more rude and obnoxious when it came to Stefan - I still maintain he was way too eager to snap Stefan’s neck repeatedly. Being with Elena made him more insecure than being turned down by Elena ever did.

So yes, Stefan needs to stop cheering them on. Stefan needs to stop saying “we’re a toxic species, so all of our relationships are toxic”. Stelena was flawed, but not toxic. Forwood was flawed, but not toxic. Even Steferine and Datherine could not be described as toxic (though certainly doomed). It’s sweet and beautiful that Stefan wants Damon and Elena to be happy: his brother and the love of his life, he wants them to be happy, even if it is with each other. It’s just that being with each other is NOT going to do the trick, definitely not in the long run, not without Stefan constantly there to be the stability in their relationship. Damon talks to Stefan about Delena, Elena talks to Stefan about Delena. Damon and Elena fail to talk to each other about their own goddamn relationship. Every time they reach a crucial point, they panic and have sex instead. Their relationship can only survive if Stefan sacrifices the rest of his life to be there to keep them together, because they fail to do it when he’s not there.

I just REALLY wish the writers would stop writing these ridiculous lines for him. No, Elena is not Damon’s humanity. No, Damon was not the one to make Elena feel alive (Elena herself said that he did, but that was after Damon said “I’ve never seen you more alive” to a SIRED ELENA!). No, Damon was not there for her in better ways than Stefan was. Get a fucking grip, writers.