and deal with my problem in a rational way

malec love for @prettylightwoodinspires i hope you’ll feel happier again soon <3

bit of angst and comfort, somehow turned into show canon or what i’d love to see


Dim light from the livingroom is greeting Magnus as he steps through the front door, the tingle in his nape letting him know he’s here. His heart pounds that much faster, but stops for a moment as he walks inside and takes in the view before him.

A man’s sitting on the couch, unmoving, bent slightly forward into himself, his shoulders slumped, a glass of wine, he most likely hasn’t taken one sip from, in his hand, his eyes dull, staring ahead. He looks broken in a way Magnus has seen, has experienced. A way that has him feel the flares of screaming pain which will not be silenced deep in his gut. He takes a moment to collect himself before he steps closer carefully, his body speaking of caution, like nearing a wounded wild animal.

He crouches down before the Shadowhunter, a hand hovering next to Alec’s holding the glass, the other just above his knee. “Alec?” He says as softly as possible, trying to get his attention, wanting those eyes to look at him to know he’s really here with him.

When Alec looks up, their eyes connecting, Magnus feels a wave of relief which is short-lived, however, by the torment reflected in the hazel depths. Magnus takes the glass from him, puts it on the table behind them and takes Alec’s hands gently into his as he moves to sit down next to him. He needn’t ask if something’s wrong. He just hopes Alec knows he can tell him, that he trusts him enough. All Magnus wants is to make it better, whatever it is, seeing this determined, strong, wonderful man who has so much to give, so much to find out about himself, so small and hurt is causing a storm of agony inside himself.

Keep reading

Today I finally decided to begin learning how to actually cope with having cyclothymia. I’ve had the diagnosis for months, I thought I was learning how to deal with it… understanding what was “it” and what was a rational reaction to something.

I’ve tried researching it in the past, but almost in a passive way. Wanting to learn but not really interested in using that information in my day-to-day life. I almost felt as though learning more about it was accepting defeat. Stupid, I know. But almost everyone in my life currently would like to pretend this isn’t a real problem, or that if we ignore it.. it’ll go away. And I so so desperately want that to be true. But so far, no soap. When you feel as though no one wants to understand you.. you do start to wonder why you’re bothering to do it yourself.

But now I’ve started a new chapter (at least I hope anyways, writing this is a way of making myself commit to actually changing things). I want to join a support group, I want to talk to other people like me and figure out what the hell to do. I’m not saying anyone else will have an answer for me, but talking and educating myself can only help me figure out what my method will be.

The more research I do though… it’s insane how accurate some of these descriptions are. It’s crazy to learn about other people, across the world, whose lives are copies of my own. An example is from an article talking about cyclothymia from a disease perspective and some of the qualifications for a diagnosis.

* depressed moods or loss of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities & pastimes alternating with hypomania periods (elevated, expansive, or irritable moods)

*becomes excessively involved in pleasurable activities with lack of concern for the high potential of painful consequences alternating with restriction of involvement in pleasurable activities & guilt over past activities

*alternating between over-optimism or exaggeration of past achievements & a pessimistic attitude towards the future, or brooding about past events

*is more talkative than usual with inappropriate laughing, joking, punning; then less talkative with tearfulness or crying

*decreased need for sleep alternating with hyposomnia

*has shaky self-esteem: naive overconfidence alternating with lack of self confidence

*periods of sharp and creative thinking alternating with periods of mental confusion & apathy

*frequently shifts line of work, study, interest, or future plans

*has irritable-angry-explosive outbursts that alienate loved ones (holy fuck yes… and I hate myself every day for this)

So these are just a few qualifications from that article. And holy shit did they get it right… it made me understand me a bit better, and certainly helped me understand my mother. I’ve read a lot more articles that support what this particular one has said. The more I read.. I don’t know.. I want to say the better I feel, but it’s all still pretty new. I’m not sure how I feel yet. But knowledge is power so… here’s to figuring out what the hell is going on in my head.

I’m also going to attach an interesting graph I found mapping out the different waves of the emotional rollercoaster. Some people will look at it and have it make perfect sense, but it’s not for every one.

anonymous asked:

thank you for posting those bits about what your therapist said, i needed to read that. i wasn't as affected by the situation as you were but it did affect me and i just kept going back to memories of childhood abuse. i dont go to a therapist and so it was really helpful reading what yours had to say, it helps me rationalize a bit the situation and realize i'm not at fault for their stupidity. hope you're feeling better.

Glad I could help. ❤️I have that abuse survivor self-blame thing baked into my DNA at this point, so she was very clear about the fact that this kind of behavior indicates a problem with THEM. It’s not you. It’s all about their damage and their inability to handle it in a constructive way. Just remember that you’re dealing with fundamentally damaged and miserable people when they show up, and block as hard as you can.

NT Moments - World Domination
  • ENTJ: *told story about some disappointing humans he had to deal with* Anyway, sorry to rant.
  • INTP: No problem. You're smart. You know what to do.
  • ENTJ: Kill them all.
  • INTP: Haha. New ones will come up to be exactly the same, unfortunately. How about kill all humans, make clones of yourself and create a society out of you? That's my dream world domination tactic.
  • ENTJ: Genius. But I'll keep you.
  • INTP: You would? Am I that entertaining?
  • ENTJ: Yeah. I like the way you think.
  • INTP: I'd keep you, too. You make me do things.

In response to the outpouring of hate towards Danielle that was the response of most Larries to Danielle “unexpectedly” being in London with Louis, some Larries actually tried to call for a more rational and less hate-filled response:

  • “You may dislike her and her presence but to act like she’s single-handedly making every single decision about their fake relationship and that Louis is forced to comply and that she’s deciding everything for him is completely irrational.” - arey*ugoodwithyourhands
  • “i’m baffled by the like. just ruthless amounts of hate and annoyance at danielle” - an anon to d&f
  • “You take the fact that some degree of volunteering to sign up for this means culpability, but then that gets extended to acting as if Danielle personally decides on and personally runs all the stunts against Louis’ knowledge or consent. And that’s not how it works.” -l*pelosa (SIGH.)

And the backlash even these mealy-mouthed “defenses” have gotten is just frightening.

It’s the exact polar opposite of what @thelarrative discusses in this excellent post - that sometimes negativity or anger or jealousy are natural, even when they aren’t justified, and you just have to understand that it’s an emotional response but take responsibility for how you react to it.

Whereas the Larry response is - “I’m angry, I should be allowed to express that anger however i want, and anyone who tells me not to turn that anger into unjustified hatred is policing me.” It’s “I don’t care how unjustifable these feelings are, they’re my feelings and I’ll express them however I want.”

lashing out is helping me feel better. so what’s the problem?” Well… the problem is that lashing out is the least healthy and most dangerous way to deal with emotions? This anon acknowledges that they’re just latching onto a “villain” because they need a place to direct their hatred, but they don’t think that’s something they need to think about? Again - the exact opposite of acknowledging your own negative emotions, not beating yourself up over them, but knowing that they aren’t totally rational and therefore shouldn’t be acted upon.

175 notes and counting. The Larry fandom doesn’t treat each other well, it is an unhealthy community - but people trying to encourage others not to hate and abuse a woman they don’t know is not the issue. When people are experiencing “sadness, frustration, and anger” in ways that cause the community to become a toxic bed of misogyny, maybe it’s a GOOD thing if people start a discussion about that??

Another anon said to d&f: “Im bewildered to see larrie blogs suddenly leaping to Danielles defense and patronising to people who’re angry.” The whole thing is so sad. Already their dislike of Danielle is based on their false certainty that all their bullshit theories are real - they cannot even consider the faintest possibility that they’re wrong and she is simply his girlfriend. That she is not “taking advantage of his closet.” Or even that they don’t really understand her role? Even as l*pelosa tells people to tone down the hatred, she says that obviously Danielle is responsible to some extent. 

And then even when they DO acknowledge that they’re probably exaggerating her role and that their hatred isn’t really valid, they refuse to let that stop them. What the hell kind of community have they created? Is this the side effect of how their whole worldview is based on asserting their own fantasies as valid over any evidence to the contrary? They’ve created a pattern where their feelings are the only thing that matters? Or maybe it’s just the natural offshoot of the overall toxic environment. Whatever it is, it’s deeply disturbing.