and deal with my problem in a rational way

malec love for @prettylightwoodinspires i hope you’ll feel happier again soon <3

bit of angst and comfort, somehow turned into show canon or what i’d love to see


Dim light from the livingroom is greeting Magnus as he steps through the front door, the tingle in his nape letting him know he’s here. His heart pounds that much faster, but stops for a moment as he walks inside and takes in the view before him.

A man’s sitting on the couch, unmoving, bent slightly forward into himself, his shoulders slumped, a glass of wine, he most likely hasn’t taken one sip from, in his hand, his eyes dull, staring ahead. He looks broken in a way Magnus has seen, has experienced. A way that has him feel the flares of screaming pain which will not be silenced deep in his gut. He takes a moment to collect himself before he steps closer carefully, his body speaking of caution, like nearing a wounded wild animal.

He crouches down before the Shadowhunter, a hand hovering next to Alec’s holding the glass, the other just above his knee. “Alec?” He says as softly as possible, trying to get his attention, wanting those eyes to look at him to know he’s really here with him.

When Alec looks up, their eyes connecting, Magnus feels a wave of relief which is short-lived, however, by the torment reflected in the hazel depths. Magnus takes the glass from him, puts it on the table behind them and takes Alec’s hands gently into his as he moves to sit down next to him. He needn’t ask if something’s wrong. He just hopes Alec knows he can tell him, that he trusts him enough. All Magnus wants is to make it better, whatever it is, seeing this determined, strong, wonderful man who has so much to give, so much to find out about himself, so small and hurt is causing a storm of agony inside himself.

Keep reading

Surekill

(pre-episode)

“Hey, Scully. Can I borrow the stapler real quick?”

Something flits across her face, barely there a moment before it’s gone again. If he hadn’t been looking right at her, he would have missed it – the slight crease between her eyebrows, a momentary tension around her mouth. It’s almost an expression of pain, albeit fleeting, and he wonders if it has anything to do with whatever sent her to the ER in the middle of the night.

She looks over at him with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, holding the stapler out. “Here you go, Agent Doggett.”

It’s subtly deliberate, the way she says his name, like she’s mad at him but trying to hide it. Damned if he can figure out why she would be, though. All they’ve done this morning is exchange pleasantries and a few words about the field report they’re wrapping up. He can’t think of anything he could have said or done to upset her.

For the rest of the day, though, everything seems normal, and he decides he probably just imagined it.

***

It’s happened four times now. Four times he’s called her “Scully” instead of “Agent Scully,” and she’s trying not to let it bother her. By all rights, it shouldn’t bother her. Yet every time he does it, it sets her teeth on edge.

It’s completely innocuous, and she doubts it is even a deliberate choice on his part. A “thanks, Scully” here and there, asking her to pass the stapler yesterday and wishing her a good morning just now. Intermittent breaks from their established routine and not even a consistent change. Perhaps that very inconsistency makes them all the more jarring.

She’s angry with herself more than anything. It’s completely irrational for her to be bothered by this; he’s her partner, and this is a perfectly reasonable way for partners to address each other. Partners are supposed to develop a rapport, a familiarity that allows them to work seamlessly together in the field. What right does she have to continue insisting on a barrier of formality between them, even one as minor as never dropping titles when they call each other by name?

It’s just that in Mulder’s mouth, her name alone became an endearment. Maybe that’s a little bit ridiculous, but it’s true.

And even though she’s trying to continue living her life, to carry on despite his absence, there’s a difference between carrying on and growing comfortable. Something in her chafes at the notion that her current situation is anything other than a temporary one, and every time Agent Doggett calls her “Scully,” it serves as a stark reminder of just how much time has passed and how much less temporary her circumstances feel, day by day.

“Agent Scully, I don’t mean to pry, but is something bothering you?”

His question jolts her out of her spiral, and she turns to see him looking at her with quiet concern. Though her every instinct is to wave it off and tell him she’s fine, what she blurts out instead is, “Why have you started calling me ‘Scully?’”

He blinks; this was clearly not the response he was expecting. “I’m not sure I follow.”

Immediately, her face grows warm, and she looks down. This was a huge mistake. What kind of a partner is she, to ask this of him?

“Never mind, I… it’s nothing.”

“No, look, if I’m missing something here, I’d really rather you just tell me. Your shoulders have been up around your ears since I walked in here this morning, and if that’s ‘cause of something I did… or didn’t do… or what, I wanna know so I can fix it.”

She hadn’t even noticed the tension in her shoulders until just now. If she is really so transparent, there’s no way she will be able to convincingly brush this off. No, she has to finish what she started.

“I’m sorry, Agent Doggett. This isn’t really about you, and I’m… I’m somewhat embarrassed to say it’s not especially rational on my part. I haven’t said anything because I know it’s irrational. That it’s my problem to deal with, not yours.”

She dares a glance up at him, then, and he is watching her intently but seemingly without judgment. Taking a breath, she continues.

“Agent Mulder called – calls – me ‘Scully.’ Not ‘Agent Scully.’ And under any other circumstances, that distinction probably wouldn’t feel like such a big thing, but now that–” She falters, biting off the rest of the truth she’s only just realized as it was about to come out of her mouth.

The pregnancy hormones are likely at least partially to blame for the intensity of her emotion over this whole thing. Well, shit.

“But now that he’s gone, it feels weird, me calling you the same thing he did,” Agent Doggett guesses, and he’s not wrong. “I get it. You don’t have to apologize.”

“No, I do,” she says, relieved to have skirted the issue of her pregnancy once more. (She will obviously have to tell him eventually, but she is just not ready yet.) “It isn’t fair to you, and I am sorry to be having this reaction.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I know it must be hard, him still being gone. You don’t have to beat yourself up over feeling however you feel about that. Just part of being human. Sometimes the things we feel aren’t rational or reasonable, and that’s okay.”

She lets out a breath and nods, feeling as though a weight has been lifted. “Thank you, Agent Doggett.”

Today I finally decided to begin learning how to actually cope with having cyclothymia. I’ve had the diagnosis for months, I thought I was learning how to deal with it… understanding what was “it” and what was a rational reaction to something.

I’ve tried researching it in the past, but almost in a passive way. Wanting to learn but not really interested in using that information in my day-to-day life. I almost felt as though learning more about it was accepting defeat. Stupid, I know. But almost everyone in my life currently would like to pretend this isn’t a real problem, or that if we ignore it.. it’ll go away. And I so so desperately want that to be true. But so far, no soap. When you feel as though no one wants to understand you.. you do start to wonder why you’re bothering to do it yourself.

But now I’ve started a new chapter (at least I hope anyways, writing this is a way of making myself commit to actually changing things). I want to join a support group, I want to talk to other people like me and figure out what the hell to do. I’m not saying anyone else will have an answer for me, but talking and educating myself can only help me figure out what my method will be.

The more research I do though… it’s insane how accurate some of these descriptions are. It’s crazy to learn about other people, across the world, whose lives are copies of my own. An example is from an article talking about cyclothymia from a disease perspective and some of the qualifications for a diagnosis.

* depressed moods or loss of interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities & pastimes alternating with hypomania periods (elevated, expansive, or irritable moods)

*becomes excessively involved in pleasurable activities with lack of concern for the high potential of painful consequences alternating with restriction of involvement in pleasurable activities & guilt over past activities

*alternating between over-optimism or exaggeration of past achievements & a pessimistic attitude towards the future, or brooding about past events

*is more talkative than usual with inappropriate laughing, joking, punning; then less talkative with tearfulness or crying

*decreased need for sleep alternating with hyposomnia

*has shaky self-esteem: naive overconfidence alternating with lack of self confidence

*periods of sharp and creative thinking alternating with periods of mental confusion & apathy

*frequently shifts line of work, study, interest, or future plans

*has irritable-angry-explosive outbursts that alienate loved ones (holy fuck yes… and I hate myself every day for this)

So these are just a few qualifications from that article. And holy shit did they get it right… it made me understand me a bit better, and certainly helped me understand my mother. I’ve read a lot more articles that support what this particular one has said. The more I read.. I don’t know.. I want to say the better I feel, but it’s all still pretty new. I’m not sure how I feel yet. But knowledge is power so… here’s to figuring out what the hell is going on in my head.

I’m also going to attach an interesting graph I found mapping out the different waves of the emotional rollercoaster. Some people will look at it and have it make perfect sense, but it’s not for every one.

anonymous asked:

hi, i'm an INFJ and i've been having some troubles explaining the issues i have with my emotions to my ISFJ mom. in a way, she dismisses these problems because she doesn't see the logic behind where these problems have come about. (most likely because she thinks i overreact) i'm trying so hard to see where she's coming from because i know i'm not a logical person but sometimes it just sucks because my emotions just feel so wrong. advice on how to convey how i feel so that she understands?

Oh, dude, sucks. Okay, friend. My pal. I am here for you. Dealing with unconsciously insensitive ISFJs is like my second majoring.

I just want to point out a few things first:

- Having problems caused by your emotions doesn’t mean you are not a logical person.

- The fact that a person doesn’t understand your problem doesn’t mean it is invalid.

With life as we experiment it, feelings exist to us. I am pretty sure I have written something at some point about Rational and Irrational feelings (I am hoping that when INTJ reads this, the nerd will direct you to the post in question or if doesn’t exist, point out to me that it doesn’t) [INTJ: not the way you’re wording it, you incompetent. Terrific™] and I think that might be useful. Because even though I am gonna try to help you in your interactions with your ISFJ mom, there is still the fact that your main problem sounds like you are having a hard time solving what your feelings create. In the end, by my experience, that’s the best way to deal with these things. But I am getting ahead of myself.

Okay, so INTJ understands mbti types in a much more rich way than I do. Because it is not “My thing” I haven’t read much on cognitive functions (I only read what my nerd writes, because I really love INTJ’s explanations) and my analysis tends to come with an understanding of the people around me and how I see them connect with their type. One of the reasons I let INTJ read all of my post first is because this means I can be wrong often and their corrections is a nice complement. The idea here is to keep in mind that your ISFJ mother is not my ISFJ friend (in the same way that you are not me) and even though some of these recommendations might work or might stand true because of the simmilarities, they are not an absolute.

This being said, I’ll start my rambling about the actual question:

First a little pessimism, because I can’t prevent myself from pointing out that more often than not you can’t force someone to understand. My ISFJ friend thought I was lazy and exaggerating for over a year, until they started feeling crushing sadness in their own way. It’s not they don’t care. It’s not they want to hurt. By my experience, my ISFJ was very worried and trying to be helpful: They thought I was being consumed by unrealistic feelings and that I just needed a push to realize I was being stupid. That might work for others, but it doesn’t for me. When I confide in someone and explain my feelings, if they react in a way that shames them, oh boy… I end up not sharing my emotions for a while. You have to live with the idea that even though you can perfect your communication skills to speak her language better… she might not get it until she lives something similar.

What I did was make them understand that we are different people. In the same way that the same glass of water can be perceived as hot or not depending on if I’ve been running under the sun for an hour and you’ve been watching netflix during that time.
I hate the idea that it is okay to tell someone that they are “Too sensitive” it is dismissing their feelings. I get that being sensitive means you might get hurt more often than not. I know that being chill and not reacting much to things has a cool appeal. I absolutely understand the fact that being high-strung sucks and that people usually take advantage of sensitive humans (for evulz or for the lolz).

But fuck the notion that kind, caring people are the problem.
Fuck that.

Let humans exist in a spectrum. Feelings are so so useful and so terribly informative. Listen to what they are saying and you can take a better direction in your live. That is what your mom should understand. The fact that you are having these intense feelings isn’t the problem, and therefore supressing them and treating them as something that shouldn’t exist is quite absurd (maybe don’t negate the question and then claim that’s the perfect answer, humans?).

It’s the equivalent of: you say “Mom, I have a headache”. Instead of you two trying to find out why you have to find a solution (maybe you’ve been having a poor diet and you should make a change in it, maybe you aren’t hidratated enough and need to have a glass of water), your mom answers “That’s silly, dear. You should be fine. Aren’t you sure you are not overreacting?”.

Maybe your mom is in a better shape than you and doesn’t get that many headaches, or she has a higher umbral of pain and your headache wouldn’t be such a big deal.
I just mean to say that your feelings are yours and dissmising them is a lot less logical than having them.


TL;DR: Feelings are useful, your mom seems to invalidate them because she doesn’t seem to see how they could be something else than a problem to you. Learn how to understand your feelings and improve using them. That will not only help your communication with her, but in the case she still doesn’t understand (because she hasn’t live something like that) you have now better tools to find a solution on your own.

– INFJ

NT Moments - World Domination
  • ENTJ: *told story about some disappointing humans he had to deal with* Anyway, sorry to rant.
  • INTP: No problem. You're smart. You know what to do.
  • ENTJ: Kill them all.
  • INTP: Haha. New ones will come up to be exactly the same, unfortunately. How about kill all humans, make clones of yourself and create a society out of you? That's my dream world domination tactic.
  • ENTJ: Genius. But I'll keep you.
  • INTP: You would? Am I that entertaining?
  • ENTJ: Yeah. I like the way you think.
  • INTP: I'd keep you, too. You make me do things.

In response to the outpouring of hate towards Danielle that was the response of most Larries to Danielle “unexpectedly” being in London with Louis, some Larries actually tried to call for a more rational and less hate-filled response:

  • “You may dislike her and her presence but to act like she’s single-handedly making every single decision about their fake relationship and that Louis is forced to comply and that she’s deciding everything for him is completely irrational.” - arey*ugoodwithyourhands
  • “i’m baffled by the like. just ruthless amounts of hate and annoyance at danielle” - an anon to d&f
  • “You take the fact that some degree of volunteering to sign up for this means culpability, but then that gets extended to acting as if Danielle personally decides on and personally runs all the stunts against Louis’ knowledge or consent. And that’s not how it works.” -l*pelosa (SIGH.)

And the backlash even these mealy-mouthed “defenses” have gotten is just frightening.

It’s the exact polar opposite of what @thelarrative discusses in this excellent post - that sometimes negativity or anger or jealousy are natural, even when they aren’t justified, and you just have to understand that it’s an emotional response but take responsibility for how you react to it.

Whereas the Larry response is - “I’m angry, I should be allowed to express that anger however i want, and anyone who tells me not to turn that anger into unjustified hatred is policing me.” It’s “I don’t care how unjustifable these feelings are, they’re my feelings and I’ll express them however I want.”

lashing out is helping me feel better. so what’s the problem?” Well… the problem is that lashing out is the least healthy and most dangerous way to deal with emotions? This anon acknowledges that they’re just latching onto a “villain” because they need a place to direct their hatred, but they don’t think that’s something they need to think about? Again - the exact opposite of acknowledging your own negative emotions, not beating yourself up over them, but knowing that they aren’t totally rational and therefore shouldn’t be acted upon.

175 notes and counting. The Larry fandom doesn’t treat each other well, it is an unhealthy community - but people trying to encourage others not to hate and abuse a woman they don’t know is not the issue. When people are experiencing “sadness, frustration, and anger” in ways that cause the community to become a toxic bed of misogyny, maybe it’s a GOOD thing if people start a discussion about that??

Another anon said to d&f: “Im bewildered to see larrie blogs suddenly leaping to Danielles defense and patronising to people who’re angry.” The whole thing is so sad. Already their dislike of Danielle is based on their false certainty that all their bullshit theories are real - they cannot even consider the faintest possibility that they’re wrong and she is simply his girlfriend. That she is not “taking advantage of his closet.” Or even that they don’t really understand her role? Even as l*pelosa tells people to tone down the hatred, she says that obviously Danielle is responsible to some extent. 

And then even when they DO acknowledge that they’re probably exaggerating her role and that their hatred isn’t really valid, they refuse to let that stop them. What the hell kind of community have they created? Is this the side effect of how their whole worldview is based on asserting their own fantasies as valid over any evidence to the contrary? They’ve created a pattern where their feelings are the only thing that matters? Or maybe it’s just the natural offshoot of the overall toxic environment. Whatever it is, it’s deeply disturbing.