and crazy jumpers

027. Song He Listens To On Repeat After You Dump Him

One more before bed because I’m glad to be back. Click the lyrics to hear the songs.


He had been so excited to see you again. It had been over a month since you were in front of each other off of a computer or phone screen. He had wanted to come to the airport and pick you up himself, throw his arms around you and breathe in your jasmine shampoo, but security was dead set against it. A smile was plastered to his face like chocolate on the lips of a toddler. He practically jumped off the edge of the hotel bed at the familiar sound of the card key sliding through the door. It seemed to happen in slow motion, too. Harry felt like he was in a terribly paced foreign film without subtitles. His hands were on your wrists, holding you for balance after embracing you in a hug. You couldn’t possibly being saying the things that he was hearing. You flew all that way to let him down and cut him off. You must have been jetlagged or ill. He wasn’t letting go of your arms, but you were backing up out of the room. Screams were shaking the halls and his knees were locking. He didn’t feel his mouth open, but the noise was coming from his chest and out of his throat. He didn’t think he was crying, but everything was foggy in front of him now. In fact, he didn’t even remember crawling under the covers, but he woke up sweating in his jumper and jeans underneath them around 3 in the morning. 

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I’m not half the man I used to be
There’s a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go I don’t know she wouldn’t say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday - The Beatles


Louis was one chorus away from ripping out his locks. If Liam played that Phil Collins song one for more time, he was going to storm the back room of the bus and smash the kid’s laptop on the ground. Zayn told him to just chill, let Liam work through his pain how he needed to. Louis felt for his buddy, he really did, but he just wished he would change the track. The Tarzan soundtrack would have been an improvement at this time. 

“Maybe, he’s dead and left the song on loop.” Niall finally chimed in, focused mostly on the video game on his Nintendo DS screen. The guys exchanged looks for a moment before Harry sat up and poked his head into the door of the back room. Liam was awake, quietly singing along to the song with red eyes while staring at his cell phone.

How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we’ve shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there’s just an empty space
And there’s nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there’s just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that’s what I’ve got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There’s so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You’re the only one who really knew me at all

Against All Odds - Phil Collins


Sitting at the back of the private plane, Louis keeps his eyes closed and his headphones on. Maybe, if they think he’s asleep, they won’t bug him. He doesn’t talk about you, he doesn’t even acknowledge that you were ever in his life in any aspect at all, but you’re always on his mind. He wants to reach out and call you, but he’s been resisting. If he says he’s okay, then maybe he will become okay. If he pretends you were never there, maybe he can erase you.

There’s a blue bird at my window
I can’t hear the songs he sings
All the jewels in heaven
They don’t look the same to me

I just wade the tides that turned
Till I learn to leave the past behind

It’s only lies that I’m living
It’s only tears that I’m crying
It’s only you that I’m losing
Guess I’m doing fine

Guess I’m Doing Fine - Beck


He had given up showering…and all other forms of basic hygiene. Lou kicked up a loud fuss about it. He would sit down in a chair for her to work with his hair, greasy with flecks of his scalp shaking out of it like snow off weak tree branches. It was disgusting. The boys didn’t bother talking to him about it. It wasn’t really their place, they figured, so Zayn just made the odd joke about his stench being worse than a dumpster and Louis tried to keep his pockets full of Altoids just in case, but that was the best they could do. They were more concerned about how hard he stalked your Facebook page than they were his firm stance against cleanliness.

Today you were far away
and I didn’t ask you why
What could I say
I was far away
You just walked away
and I just watched you
What could I say

How close am I to losing you

Tonight you just close your eyes
and I just watch you
slip away

About Today - The National

ZAYN: He supposed he only had himself to blame. You had given him plenty of warning that if things didn’t improve, you were going to move out, walk out, and that would be it. He figured you had been plenty generous with the second chances. Christmas, though? There was a rule, wasn’t there? You don’t break up around Christmas. He walked around the backstage area of Jingle Ball, passing all the chaos and craziness, with his jumper and beanie on and earphones plugged in. He wasn’t going to cry - not in public at least. His hands were stuffed into his pockets and he held in his left, the bracelet he was planning to give you as a present for the holiday. He wasn’t sure now what he would do with it. He didn’t really know what to do with himself.

But it don’t snow here,
Stays pretty green.
I’m gonna make a lot of money
And and then I’m gonna quit this crazy scene.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long,
I would teach my feet to fly.
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.
I made my baby cry.

River - Robert Downey Jr