and completely batshit crazy

Marriage of Convenience?

Okay so I tried to organize my thoughts here, and I’m not sure I succeeded, but whatever this is all @jonsasnow‘s fault anyway (YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU GIRL)

There’s been some worry that Jon and Sansa will only get together at the very, very end of the story and it will be purely political just like Ned/Cat. I know this because I was one of the people worrying lol. While the Ned/Cat parallels were first taken as little blessings for our ship, they’ve now become so frequent that, coupled with the horrendous leaks, it’s understandable for people to fear “that other pairing” is gonna be the big romance and Jon will just “settle” for Sansa in the end out of duty.

I’m actually much less convinced this will happen and it’s mostly because of that glorious episode: “Stormborn”.

I’m gonna address the Ned/Cat parallels as a whole first since these seem to be starting to make people more nervous rather than confident. Yes, the Ned/Cat parallels are strong, bordering on ridiculous, and yes Ned/Cat started off as a political marriage with no love between them. BUT the thing to remember here is that Jon/Sansa are paralleling Ned/Cat POST MARRIAGE. They’re paralleling an established married couple that is in love. Does that make Jonsa romantic at this point? No. But it shows the love, trust and respect between them. And that’s important in any romance that’s built to last. Jon and Sansa have already made great headway in establishing love, trust and respect between them, something that probably took Ned and Cat years. Jon and Sansa are already there.

But is Ned/Cat really the only couple this ship is being paralleled with? NOT ANYMORE.

“Stormborn” gave Jonsa another glorious parallel with another glorious ship, one of the most popular ships in the series that has been sailing strong for years: Jaime/Brienne. Those little waves were the SAME FREAKING WAVES Jaime and Brienne gave each other when she had to leave Riverrun on a boat last season and he looked on from the battlements. (I think someone mentioned these two episodes were even directed by the same guy and WOW is that just epic levels of coincidence or does this guy really know his shit when it comes to awkward waves that conceal SO MANY EMOTIONS???) I think Jonsa has now gotten a very good parallel to another established ship in the series, another ship with the two people ~ feeling things ~ for each other that they know they shouldn’t feel, feelings that are problematic, feelings that conflict with the roles they’re supposed to play in each other’s lives

And then, there’s the crypt scene. Gods bless this scene. All hail this scene…..*sighs dreamily*

So LF comes down to get a reading on Jon or to get into his good graces or whatever and Jon keeps his cool throughout the whole thing UNTIL the moment LF says he loves Sansa….AS HE LOVED HER MOTHER aka ROMANTICALLY aka aka SEXUALLY. And THAT is the moment Jon loses all semblance of chill. He chokes the creep for like 20 seconds?? More? He tells LF not to “touch” Sansa or he’ll straight up murder him. He didn’t say not to “hurt” or “harm” (or “talk to” since there was some confusion about that), he said “touch” which is the same word he used when promising Sansa he would defeat Ramsay, the guy who touched Sansa in the worst possible way.

Why was this scene important? Jon makes the threat and then LEAVES WF, thereby making it a pretty empty threat. Clearly if LF tries anything Jon won’t really be able to kill him because he won’t even be around. But Jon made the threat and the writers wanted us to see it. Even though they have only a handful of episodes left, even though the threat won’t come to fruition, the writers WANTED US TO SEE THIS. Why? Why bother wasting screen time on an empty threat that doesn’t affect the plot? UNLESS IT DOES. My guess is the writers want us to remember how Jon reacts (i.e. goes COMPLETELY BATSHIT CRAZY) when someone makes sexual advances/threats at Sansa. Canonically, that is the only thing to make Jon lose his cool completely (Ramsay says he wants Sansa back in his bed> Jon near beats him to death; LF admits having the sexy love for Sansa> Jon chokes him). Jon is displaying signs of a guy who doesn’t yet know/acknowledge just how deeply, or on what level, he feels for a woman in his life.

Jon might not fully realize the depth of his feelings yet, but someone else certainly seems to have gotten a clue. Perhaps the most important part of this scene was when we see the clear confusion/slow realization on LF’s face. And that realization is that there’s more than just sibling love between Jon and Sansa.

And as if all this isn’t enough, there is one more ship that Jonsa parallels within this same episode (THIS EPISODE WAS SO GOOD TO US YOU GUYS I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE OUR LUCK): Greyworm and Missandei. Yet another well-established, well-loved ship that has been sailing strong for years. GW is leaving on a dangerous mission, possibly not coming back, but he couldn’t say goodbye to Missandei because she’s his weakness. In the same episode, we have Jon leaving on a dangerous mission, possibly not coming back and he actually doesn’t say goodbye to Sansa. Sure, we can’t really call it the same thing, because GW and Missandei have been aware of their feelings forever and Jon and Sansa truly aren’t aware of it at this point. But is it really so different? Is it really so far-fetched to assume that Jon couldn’t say goodbye for the same reason as GW? To assume that Sansa is his weakness? I think if there’s one thing we can take away from that GLORIOUS crypt scene it’s that if you want to get under Jon’s skin all you have to do is mention Sansa in a non G-rated context and BOOM you’ve successfully made the top of Jon Snow’s kill list, congratulations and good luck to you, sir. But what does that tell us? If GW says it with words, Jon Snow shows it with actions. Sansa Stark is 100% Jon’s weakness.

So what have we learned?

1)      Jon and Sansa have established a level of love, trust and respect that we have seen present in Ned/Cat’s relationship.

2)      Jon and Sansa seem to be beginning to have problematic feelings for each other that conflict with the roles they’re supposed to fill in each other’s lives, just like Jaime/Brienne.

3)      There’s more than just sibling love between them (and LF knows it)

4)      Sansa is Jon’s weakness.

There are simply too many romantic tropes being used for these two for it to end up purely being a marriage of convenience like Ned and Cat. (So far we’ve got 1) A bond built on mutual trust and respect 2) forbidden love 3) third party noticing something’s “not quite right” between them and 4) being each other’s weakness) They’ve already started down the path of Romance Tropes Galore, and there’s no need for any romance tropes if you’re going to put two characters together just for political reasons. There’s already more than sibling love between them at the beginning of s7. I believe it will grow to even more by s8 when they reunite and I have faith it will be much much more than that before anyone suggests they marry. Sooner or later these idiots will realize what it is they’re feeling for each other. The good news is we’re nearing the end of this show so it’s only a matter of time.

Have faith guys! Jon and Sansa WILL get married for political reasons but it’ll be perfect cuz they’ll already be in love!! Now that’s what I call a marriage of convenience! *throws confetti*

Arkham Encounter, Part 2 Smut


Following your first encounter, Jerome is eager to spend more time with you…and a power outage provides him with the perfect opportunity to do so!

WARNINGS: vulgar language, adult situations oral sex (female receiving, penetration, still smug af Jerome. Enjoy! 

Originally posted by aleggorik

Keep reading

Awkward Attraction (Part 7)

Pairings: Roan / Reader

Warnings: Language (as always), fluff, craziness 

AN: Big thanks to everyone who sent me idea’s for what to do next with these two, main credits for this idea though have to go to the lovely @something–awesome and @selldraug. This part of the story is going to have a few continuing parts so the idea will continue in parts 8 and maybe 9. 

Find the other parts of this story just down here
Part One , Part Two , Part Three , Part Four , Part Five , Part Six 

Feel free to add yourself to my Taglist for any stories here…. TAGLIST  

@no-other-names-availible-blog @angelaiswriting @selldraug @angryares @thenovarose @georgiagrl1990 @punk-rock-5-sos @mindofthescattered @dontstopxx @iamabeautifulperson18 @madelinecraig03 @ka-x-in @im-hurric4ne @mesmericbell @something–awesome @weirdpotato-14 @putinontheritzz @soulslaststand @fuckthatfeeling @ember1201 @morganlb23 @maria-tifa @kitkatbadass @cordelia-stark-jones @tomhoppersarms @fakingintrest @artprincessbree @dreamer-lover-laughter  @cynicalricin

“You have got to be joking right now…” when Roan didn’t answer just continued to stare at you panic started to bubble in your chest “Oh god you’re not joking are you? You’re actually serious”

“Y/N everyone knows you sleep here most nights now anyway”

You groaned loudly, burying your face in your hands as you dropped down onto the edge of the bed. “How? How is this even possible?”

“We haven’t been trying to be subtle”

“No!” you jumped back to your feet shaking your head as you marched up and down Roan’s room. “No you haven’t been subtle. I’m very subtle, I’m so stealthy I’m a ninja”

He was trying very hard not to laugh at you. The sudden blankness on his face a dead give-away as to just how hard he was trying.

“Don’t you dare laugh” you warned him “I am so not in the mood”

“I can tell that”

You felt like stomping your foot and screaming at the same time. “How are you being so calm about this?”

Roan smiled coming over and grabbing your shoulders holding you still. “This is not that big of a deal Y/N”

“Of course it is” you whined “You want to tell everyone that we’re together, like in a relationship together”

“Which is the truth?”

“What are you making that a question?” you snapped out, just because you weren’t a fan of announcing your relationship to the world it didn’t change your feelings towards Roan. “You know it’s the truth”

“Then why are you so nervous about this? What do you think is going to happen?”

“I’m not good with people Roan” you whispered staring up at him. “Surely you must have noticed that by now?”

“You’re… unique” he agreed.

“If you tell people about us they’re going to want to talk to me. To interact with me” you paused having to look away from him “What if I screw it all up?”

“How would you do that?”

You snorted shaking your head “trust me my foot in mouth syndrome would find a way”

“Sometimes I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about”

“Foot in mouth?” he nodded “it just means that without me meaning to I generally say the wrong thing. Hell Roan, the first thing I said to you was that you were pretty. How is that normal?”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you looked truly upset Roan would think you were just being your usual sarcastic self, because he honestly didn’t understand why you were worrying so much. “I’ll be right there with you. You’re going to be completely fine”

“No. No I can’t do it. We just have to stay as we are. I can’t be in public like that Roan, I just can’t”

“Y/N we can’t keep this secret anymore. It just won’t work”

“Why?” you asked stubbornly.

“I’m the king. The ice nation crown is inherited”

“Inherited…” you took a moment for that to sink in enough for you to understand what he meant. “You mean children. Oh god you mean kids?”

“Hey” Roan grabbed your face forcing you to look into his eyes “take a breath” he ordered.

“I can’t do kids Roan” you gasped out “hell I barely manage to look after myself, I cannot look after a mini human”

“I’m not asking you to Y/N. Not yet. I’m just saying that people will expect it at some point and if I don’t pick a mother for them then the council will pick for me”

Your brain was literally racing at a thousand miles an hour, pinging around like a ball in a pin ball machine. Mainly you were just at panic stations a loud siren blasting in your head screaming at you to ‘abort’.

Roan could obviously see that in your face as well because he smiled sadly “too much for you?”

“Roan… I’m 20 years old. I’m not planning on settling down for a while now” Roan’s face did that whole impassive thing again and you knew he was getting ready for you to run. “But” you took hold of his wrists where he was holding onto your face still. “I do know that I love you and I can’t imagine my life without you, so…” you sighed taking a deep breath to steady yourself “so what do you need me to do?”

“You love me?”

“Did I say that?”

“You definitely said that”

Panic stations were starting to activate once more “nope, I don’t think so. Must be your hearing…”

Roan leant in and kissed you, mouth effectively silencing your babbling protests. “I love you too”

“You do?”

“Of course I do you weird, annoying completely batshit crazy woman”

“Alright… so tell me what to do. I’ll try”

“Just be yourself”

You smiled at that “Oh my poor innocent King, you are so going to regret saying that”

It is not clear that we have ever had a bigger moron who is also completely, batshit crazy, in public office anywhere in the USA than this character. And realize there is huge competition now to be the biggest moron and the most batshit-crazy individual in public office. His father is rather a nut also. I think Rand Paul belongs to the Church of the Aqua Buddha?

Samifer - Dragonslayer!AU

Sam, Dean and John Winchester are dragons slayers. They wander from town to town until they hear about one of these monsters to fight, what they’re good at. After hearing of an attack on a prosperous town, they travel to it. A merchant said, the town Council was about to make a human sacrifice to calm the dragon down. As if sending a woman ever had any effect on a gigantic beast like that. But at least, it means that the people are desperate enough to hire some professional dragon slayers. There will be good money.

Once arrived in town, the Winchesters can see how bad the town has been hit. It must be a very nasty and big one to have made so many damages in this limited amount of time. But when they propose their services to the town Council, they answer that they are not needed anymore. John argues that scarifying a virgin never made a dragon go away and the people laugh. They explain that they didn’t get attacked since they offered someone to the dragon and maybe it never worked before because people never sent the right person. They explain that they didn’t send a virgin to the dragon but the exact opposite. They scarified the most sinful and prideful man they could find. They gave to the dragon the worst human being who lived in the town, a guy nobody liked and who hated everybody even more. They suppose, Lucifer tasted good at least. Good riddance, they laugh.

The town Council is no fool, though. And they already make a list of people who could join Lucifer in his fate if the dragon comes back. Knowing that it will be the case, the Winchesters decide to go on a hunt for the dragon, even if the people of the town obviously won’t pay them for it. They can’t let a dragon burn a whole town, people included, because the persons on its head are morons.

In the mountains, they easily find where the dragon must have taken refuge. There are caverns and burned trees that say the dragon found a place to live. This is bad news because it means it wants to stay. It settles. During their observations, they have the surprise to find a man though. A man who walks carefreely back and forth an enormous cavern enterance. He is apparently severely burned, but Lucifer is alive. They try to catch his attention, but he doesn’t hear them. The Winchesters don’t like that but one of them will have to go near the dragon’s cavern to bring Lucifer back, safely.

Sam volunteers to do it and carefully comes closer to the dragon’s lair, until he finds himself trapped in a pitfall that is definitely not the handiwork of a dragon. Lucifer appears on the edge, ready to strike but is tackled to the ground by Dean before he could kill Sam. The Winchesters restrain him and they walk away from the caverns before they awake the dragon.

As the night falls, they try to understand why Lucifer acts like that. They heard before of rumors saying dragons can glamour their victims, but they never saw it before. Lucifer tells them he is not under any spell or anything, he just understood what the dragon wants. He tells them how scared he was when the dragon found him after the town people left him to die for it at the town’s gates. How his skin burnt when the dragon took him in his mouth, but how it didn’t eat him, it just took him away to the mountains and spat him out at its lair’s entrance. For several days, it stays next to him and growled each time Lucifer tried to run away, authorizing him only a few steps before it took him back where he wanted him to stay. At first, Lucifer thought it played with him like a cat plays with a mouse before killing it. But then, he understood the dragon allowed him to go far enough to find food and water so he wouldn’t starve, but brought him back when it thought Lucifer was going too far away. The dragon was training him like a little pet. Lucifer went with it, thinking he could maybe sneak away when the dragon will allow him more freedom. Then, he understood why it didn’t eat him. And Lucifer adds he is sure the dragon will come to fetch him back, so the dragon slayers should let him go before it comes because it will be pissed they stole him.

John and Dean think Lucifer is batshit crazy, but Sam finds it completely amazing that the dragon let him live. He wants to know more, to learn why and what makes Lucifer special enough that a monster allows him to stay alive next to him instead of crushing him like a fly. At night, they can hear the dragon roar and soon they see a massive shadow darkens the moon in the sky. This dragon is bigger than anyone they ever hunted. They try to fight it but their weapons are useless. They only survive because Lucifer launchs himself in front of them when the dragon is about to kill them. Then, Lucifer leaves with it and they can’t make anything about it.

The day after, they come back to the dragon’s lair and Lucifer is at his spot, forbidding the entrance of the caverns like a guard dog. As John and Dean try to come up with a plan, Sam tries to understand. It hits him after three days. The dragon never steps outside. It doesn’t eat, it doesn’t drinks, but they can hear it growls so it doesn’t sleep either. It is nesting. With horror, Sam realizes the dragon must had settled to close to living beings and made of Lucifer his protector for the time he would need it, so it can hatch eggs.

Knowing that, the Winchesters are more worried than ever. They need to kill it before they find themselves with a whole bunch of hungry dragons on their back. Not to mention that dragon’s eggs will make them rich. They try to make Lucifer understand the menace and that the moment the dragons will be born, he will surely be their first meal. But Lucifer argues he would rather be eaten by them than to let the Winchester kill them. He asks them how many they killed already, and when the Winchester proudly announces their kill count, Lucifer tells them how dragons become rare and how they will soon not be anymore because of people like them who kill them before they can reproduce and who just want money instead of trying to understand that they are precious animals living and not just worth something once they’re dead.

John and Dean think the guy is totally crazy and they start to realize they won’t be able to save him, but will have to kill him if they want a chance to fight the dragon without having to worry to be stabbed in the back at the worst moment. But Sam thinks what Lucifer says kinda makes sense, and the way he fights for the monster is maybe a little romantic, choosing to defend the giant beast he was sacrificed to instead of the people who left him to die to save themselves.

The Winchesters are useless to pass the burnt area at the caverns entrance. Lucifer always manages to fight them off, sometimes with the help of a scary big flame coming from within the caverns themselves. And sometimes because the Winchesters seem to have to worse bad luck who ever strike people before. And maybe it’s not entirely bad luck. Dean can’t prove anything and he doesn’t want to believe it, but he thinks he saw Sam sabotaged some of their plans.

The result is that one day some weird noises come from within the dragon’s lair and the Winchesters fear the worse. With the usual growls, come some high pitch screeches. Hearing this, Lucifer left his usual spot and enters the caverns. Sam thinks it’s the last time they see him, but when they carefully enter the caverns, they see that he is always alive, petting two newly born dragons under their mother’s watchful eyes.

John and Dean agree it’s the right time to strike, and they’re right, but Sam begs them not to, positionning himself between the dragons and his family. Weirdly, he doesn’t end burnt alive, and the dragon let them go out of its lair without killing them, only growling at them in warning.

The next morning, Lucifer goes out of the caverns too and go to find them. He asks them to let them enough time so the little dragons would be able to fly. After that, their mother will lead them far away in the mountains where nobody would risk to harm her fledging. He says the dragons have no reason to go burn the town down, he thinks they probably won’t do it before they’ll leave. Of course, he can’t be sure, but Sam believes him. After all, Lucifer was able to understand the monster before when nobody ever tried. Lucifer offers fallen scales from the dragon, to show the town people, so they can pretend they killed it. To his surprise, the Winchesters accept.

When Sam asks what he will do when the dragons will go away, Lucifer answers he will follow them. Then, Sam asks if he thinks he could come to meet him sometime so he could watch the dragons, study them maybe and learn how they live. John and Dean don’t like that a lot, but they were never able to make Sam do something he didn’t want to and there is no way they will let Sam follow his foolish idea without having his back if it turns bad, so they stay by his side.

By the end of his life, Sam becomes the most erudite person on the dragon’s subject. He was even able to pet one on occasions. John and Dean never could but they grow protective of the monsters. Their entire life went upside down and they became the protectors of dragons they once hunted, making everyone believe they killed each one of them when in reality, they protect the mountain where dragons started to gather. Lucifer is the only human being who was ever able to walk freely in a dragon’s nest. Sam thinks it’s because he is the first thing the dragons see when they go out of their egg. But he has no explanation as why the other adult dragons don’t kill him. Dean says it’s because he is the biggest one’s chihuahua and maybe it’s true, but Sam doesn’t like his husband to be called a dog.

(Tagging: @spnyoucantkeepmedown @kajuned @i-bleed-salt)

Today the landscapers at the apartment complex pulled up two of my datura plants. Thankfully they were the small ones that were in a too-shady spot (and therefore not growing nearly as grandly as my two huge plants), so I’m not going completely batshit crazy. I’m irritated, certainly, but at least I’ve got my big ones.

But GODDAMN I just want a yard of my own to plant whatever the hell I want without someone poisoning or pulling up my plants.

janetfraiser replied to your post: I might have accidentally started rewatching BSG.

i’m rewatching it. i dont know if i’ll put myself through daybreak again

Listen, I know I’m a little bit in the minority here, but I actually love Daybreak. Oh, it’s completely batshit crazy, but humanity scrapping technology in favor of living with what this new Earth provided made sense to me, because with 40,000 survivors, they were kind of screwed if they hoped to keep up their planet-hopping, textile-weaving, shoe-buying, advanced lifestyle. I mean, one of the biggest questions I had when watching the show was, do they have natural fibers out there in space with which to make more clothes, or are they eventually gonna all wind up naked because their clothes give out? And, yes, the Galactica crew knows how to fix things that go wrong, but do they know how to build air conditioning units and refrigerators and convection ovens? Pretty much from the start, they were doomed to starting more or less from scratch.

REGARDLESS. We all knew Laura was going to die, because Ronald D. Moore is a jerk who likes to make people suffer, or else Billy would still be alive. And watching that scene where Laura just slips away makes me cry EVERY DAMN TIME, but the scene before that, when she’s curled up next to Bill and looking through the binoculars at the wildlife…oh my gods, I just melt every time. I could watch that scene over and over and over and never get tired of it. When she snorts at him and says “It’s not Earth”…I mean, you have to love someone and know they love you to make such an unladylike sound, Madam President.

Part of me wishes for more kissing and more declarations of undying love, but most of me loves how natural that scene felt between them.

And don’t even get me started on the Raptor. I am the first to admit that I am 100% here for Laura Roslin/Mary McDonnell, but if you look at Bill Adama in that scene, when he’s piloting the Raptor and talking about the wildlife on the planet, he’s just…smiling. He looks 20 years younger. Just with that smile, you know there’s nowhere else in the galaxies that he’d rather be, and it’s just a really precious moment. It is, without a doubt, my favorite Bill Adama moment in the series, because it’s just him - not the Admiral, just Bill. I love Edward James Olmos’s portrayal of that episode, but that scene in particular just hits me right in my soft, gooey center.

Also, Daybreak features Laura in her skimpy nightie, so…I’m not going to not watch THAT.

Update on my brother reading Magnus Chase

• he’s incredibly entertained by the fact that Thor has two goats.
• has determined that the Expando-Duck can make a great weapon in WWIII.
• the two of us had a twenty minute debate on who would win in a fight: Annabeth or Sam, Magnus or Percy.
• and “subtly” asked him his blitzstone opinion. His response? “I could see it.”
• he found the “Chronicles of Timmy” hilarious.
• says that for those who do celebrate Christmas in Valhalla, there is:
- cookie baking to the death
- Christmas tree decorating to the death
- caroling to the death

transpeterparkers  asked:

8 and 14?

female characters that I’d want to go on an adventure with:

1. Ginny Weasley. ginny knows how to have a good time and where the best raves are, u just Know. magic nights out would be so great. I feel like not enough of the hp fandom’s attention is dedicated to post-war hp characters going to magical night clubs and having kooky shenanigans just for banter now old voldy is dead.

2.  the whole b99 ladies squad. like rosa’s hen do, that looked like so much fun, can you imagine an adventure w those ladies it would be so great. completely batshit crazy you-wont-believe-what-happened-last-night kinda great, but great.

3. daisy johnson! I feel like daisy would be a good road-trip adventure companion. maybe in her van from s1. occasionally fighting supervillains and sleeping in the van w the doors open so you could see the stars. that’d be good fucking times.

4.  amanita caplan!! like amanita is a total ride or die for nomi, and they look like they have so much fun together, like honestly if pride was like pride on sense8 w amanita dressed up and being mates w everyone, that’d be the life right there. last pride I went to I ended up passed out in the local irish center. amanita wouldn’t let me be a Mess. but we’d have a good time all the same.

5. tulip o'hare! it would be an epic adventure instead of casual fun adventure, guaranteed, but wowie imagine what a blast riding w tulip for a while would be. im talking explosions, fights, car chases w funky tunes in the background, running from the cops, looking 10/10 while all this is happening. what a ride.

characters I wish had better love interests:

1. caitlin snow. already said, but can we pls stop making her storyline every season be ‘Caitlin is in love w a mediocre white dude’ WHEN CISCO IS RIGHT THERE

2. emma swan. I stopped watching the minute they started getting her a h**k together, like no. there’s nothing on this earth that will ever make me feel anything but blind hatred towards cs, I unfollow for it on sight, who on earth thinks its okay to ship the hero with the Villain Who Tried To Murder Her. nah, fam. n a h.

3. abbie mills deserved to be the main love interest and kiss icabod on the mouth 2k174.

4. I mean, I don’t dislike lincoln, but if daisy is going to kiss w*rd and lincoln, then she definitely deserved to have smooched trip too? I was robbed of tripskye. @ aos writers let daisy and robbie be the power couple we deserve,yo u cowards.

5. raven reyes!!! between the dead fuckboy and the vanishing racist, it’s been 4 seasons of raven not having a decent love interest. let raven be soft and loved. raven reyes/wells jaha’s force ghost, the otp I deserve.  

anonymous asked:

Do you know of any good rs fake/pretend relationship fics?

I sure do! Let’s see what I can round up…

  • The Odd Couple by neatokates— 11k, complete. Rated T. “Remus and Sirius get a great deal on a flat: pretending to be a couple together when they’re really just friends… But, when does the pretending end? Can two best friends live in an apartment without driving each other crazy…or falling in love?” Post-Hogwarts get-together fic.
  • No Mum, He Really Is My Boyfriend by showmeyourtardis— WIP, so far 25k. Rated Explicit. “If Remus has to go on one more date set up by his mother, he will maul his own face off. It was nothing against the boys, they were… Well, they were horribly dull, but it was mostly the werewolf thing. So when an escape plan, in the form of Sirius Black, presents itself, Remus is more than happy to take it.” Post-Hogwarts. 
  • Ruse by phineasjones— 2.7k, complete. Rated PG. “A plan, a plot, a ruse. And a Yule Ball.” Cute MWPP-era fic in which Sirius convinces Remus to pretend to be his boyfriend to get out of a relationship with a girl. 
  • All Kidding Aside by ms. commas and ampersands— 71k, complete. Rated T. “When Lily jumps to conclusions about Remus and Sirius, the duo decide to get revenge on her, James, and Peter with a wonderful joke. However, they wind up getting more than just a good laugh.” MWPP-era fic in which Lily thinks Remus and Sirius are together so they pretend to be dating to get back at her. 
  • All Your Edges by fallovermelikestars— 3k, complete. Rated M. “’Batshit crazy’ Sirius says and Remus pouts. ‘And that face won’t work on me. You are absolutely batshit crazy. And I’m not doing it.’” Lie Low at Lupin’s era. Remus needs Sirius to pretend to be his boyfriend for a family wedding.
  • Delicious Irony (And Other Acquired Tastes) by chelime– 41k, complete. Rated M. “A misunderstanding leads Remus and Sirius into playing a brilliant joke on the entire population of Hogwarts. Really, that’s all this is. A joke. And Remus is okay with that. Maybe.” MWPP era. 
  • Shuffle: Pair by sodomquake– 12k, complete. Rated T. While drunk, Remus convinces Sirius to pretend to be his boyfriend. Sirius is surprisingly enthusiastic about it. MWPP-era. 
  • Operation Fake Werewolf Fiance by WolfStarryNight– WIP, so far 3.8k. Rated G. “Sirius Black, a world famous werewolf rights activist, is accused of not actually knowing anything about the nature of werewolves, therefore he decides that of course the natural solution to this is to pretend to have a werewolf fiancé; enter Remus Lupin.” Magic AU in which Sirius and Remus do not know each other at Hogwarts.
  • An Arrangement, of Sorts by rachherself– 2.8k, complete. Rated T. “Sirius is being stalked and may have said he was dating Remus.” MWPP era one-shot.
  • Likewise Variable by ssstrychnine– WIP, so far 20k. Rated T. “James has plans, Peter is the nurse, Sirius keeps fake blood up his sleeves, and Remus just tries to stay alive.” Not exactly what you asked for but close– modern non-magic boarding school AU in which Remus and Sirius are playing Romeo and Juliet in their school’s play.

wolfstarwarehouse also has a fake/pretend relationship post here.

First Real Fight


“I cannot believe how much of an asshole you’re being right now,” You huff at your boyfriend, feeling the anger rising more and more with each passing second.

“I’m being an asshole?” He laughs darkly, “You’re the one that’s totally overreacting.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Styles,” You ask, completely outraged, “Am I supposed to be okay with some girl flirting with you?”

“Jesus, it’s not like I was flirting back,” He defends himself, rolling his eyes.

“You’re missing the point, dickhead,” You argue, “You didn’t stop her.”

“Will you just calm down?” He asks, but by the look of complete horror on his face he knows he’s just put his foot farther into his mouth, “Babe, I-” He tries, but you cut him off.

“Don’t you fucking tell me to calm down,” You snarl at his horrified face, “I’m allowed to be mad and you have no right to try to shut me up, Harry Styles.”

“I know, baby,” He tries again, “I’m sor-”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Harry” You cut him off again, “I don’t even want you near me tonight, you can sleep on the fucking couch.”

“Love, come on,” He pleads as you pass him to get to your bedroom.

“Enjoy the cold, hard couch, Harry,” You yell walking up the stairs, “I’ll be in our big comfy bed, calming down.”

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so…bailey’s final show.

i literally don’t know where to begin.  SUCH A GREAT SHOW. 

i guess i should start with bailey.  look, even the matildas i don’t like, i have things i like about.  they’re all talented girls.  but bailey is one of those one in a million young performers who, beyond unusual ability, has such star quality you know you’ll be seeing her again.  i compare her to anna kendrick often, and i really think she’ll go from broadway as a girl to an incredible adult career, be it onscreen or onstage or both. 

there are other matildas i think have star quality, for sure, but bailey has so much maturity as a performer it’s downright staggering.  it’s not just charisma, though she has that.  she understands nuance, subtlety, comedic timing; she has instincts for when to play something big, when to dial it down, when to let someone else take focus and when she needs to command the stage.  while she doesn’t have the raw quality i tend to appreciate in younger performers - she’s very polished, a complete professional - i think what bailey has accomplished is more impressive in the long run.  she’s mastered things you don’t anticipate seeing in a child actor.  and i believe in not dismissing child actors by saying “oh, they’re so young, you can’t expect much from them."  you can and i do, but bailey has made me reevaluate just how much you can expect.  

(read more for more details about bailey’s final performance and comments on the other performers, including betsy, ben, sean and thayne.)

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anonymous asked:

"I can’t breathe!" Jaydick

Title: Things We Do

Rating: T

Pairing: JayDick

AN: This is my first published work with Joker in it, so go easy on me. :)


He dreams day and night of running across rooftops with Dick. Jason’s favorite thing these days was to chase Dick, catch him, steal a kiss, and do it again. He looks forward to it every night–he and Dick Grayson, just being. And no, he won’t admit he’s in love, but he is. Totally, completely head over heels, batshit crazy in love.

And being entirely consumed by love makes tonight so much worse.

He’s on the ground, one of Joker’s many hired thugs above him with a fist grasped in the front of his armored, Kevlar shirt, which was torn into shreds when they sliced him up into mini-Jason pieces with his own Kris. Some of the sadist bastards are off to his left, beating Nightwing black and bluer than he already is, while the others take turns trying to punch his ribs in and his helmet off his head. It was a terrible night–another fight about Bruce started it off–when they left home for patrol and he wishes they had stayed in as tonight only proceeds to get worse as it continues. To prove his point, he hears Joker cackle over where Dick is, smacking metal against the ground. If it’s what he thinks it is… The thought of the mad clown pummeling Dick into a bloody mess leads him to struggle rather avidly in order to run over there and put a bullet in Joker’s head for merely looking at Dick. The smiling thug atop him does not seem to appreciate his struggles and a fist jabs into his side, leaving him breathless as a rib cracks.

“Oh, look! Two birds, one crowbar!” The cackle, cacophonous and mad, that torments him day and night sounds throughout the warehouse.

He flinches violently in his panic, and the clown laughs all the more.

“What’s the matter over there, Sweetie-poo? Sad you’re missin’ the show? Righty-O! Let’s give ‘em a front row seat, boys.” The Joker squees like a shrieking cat, tapping the crowbar against the concrete in a tune he recognizes as the theme song from “Batman,” the TV show. Ugh.

He’s pulled up by two thugs, who jerk on his arms and drag him around until he faces Joker with a tied up Nightwing, bloody and bruised, at his feet. His legs don’t want to hold him up, so they let him fall, smacking his face on the ground. The Joker bursts out in wicked laughter as he groans from the ache in every one of his bones. He can see Dick lift his head, a pretty blue eye revealed from behind a shattered lens of his mask catching his gaze.

“Ah, that’s better! Right, Pumpkin?” The Joker grins before pausing crossing his arms with a thoughtful look. “Let’s see. Which bird should I carve first? Hm? The pretty Bluebird? Or–”

“Me. Don’t touch him,” Dick croaked, breathing hard.

“Oh, a volunteer! Excellent!” He manages to rip his arm free in his effort to escape when the clown steps towards Dick, which doesn’t get him very far, rather gains him a blow from the crowbar across his extremely busted up side.

“Now, now, what have I taught you about your manners? Do I have to teach you that lesson again?” The Joker clicks his tongue, hands on his hips comically. “Wait your turn, Boy Blunder.”

He swallows his terror, ignoring the cobalt glare of his lover as he dares to speak up. “Your punchline…”

The Joker tilts his head in a curious manner, humming. “My punchline?”

He sucks in air as if it where going out of style and forces his voice to be strong. “I ruined your punchline.”

Dick wiggles in his bounds, panic etched in his expression. “Don’t–!”

“Quiet!” A thug stomps on the blue-striped chest of Nightwing, and Jason can hear the oxygen whoosh out of his lungs from here.

“Quite the masochist, Little Bird! Kid’s gotta point though! It was my best joke and you had to spoil it!” The psychotic, green haired man’s attention is all on him now.


He’s partially relieved when the iron comes down on him rather than Dick.

An hour later, he lies in a small pond of warm blood that was splattered by the beating of the bar. His eyes are closed, his contemplation solely on breathing and not panicking. Bruce will come, right? Not for him at least, but for Dick.

“Jason, talk to me. Jason. Jay, please.” Tentative, trembling fingers touch his hand with worried affection. Dick’s voice is as gentle, but infinitely more shaky in the same manner. “Jay, say something—”

"Y’worry…t'much… Get gray hairs…” Dick gives a soft, nearly non-existent laugh as Jason fastens his teeth on his lower lip, holding back a pained groan as his limp and moaning body is slowly gathered into Dick’s arms.

“You’re an idiot.” Despite his words, the acrobat pulls off his helmet and kisses his face with a split lip.

“Mm… S’ve been told…” His fingers, distorted from when The Joker decided to snap them, curl around one of the elders bleeding wrists, ropes still bound around it like a bracelet, and he hangs onto it as he looks around.

“…Over there,” Dick murmurs sorrowfully, nudging his head to a point across the room.

His eyes snap to the barrels pushed against the wall, terrible crimson grins painted on them—and timer. He should’ve known. He should’ve gotten Dick out somehow. He should've–

“Can’t defuse them, there isn’t enough time. Do you think Bru—”

“No… Jus’ gimme a minute…” He breathes, wincing whenever a snapped rib moves under his skin.

“Jay, we don’t have a minute…” Dick said quietly, petting his white striped hair sweetly. “I’m so sorry, Jason… This wasn’t supposed to happen again.”

“Dick…dun’ you even fuckin–”

“Please, Jay? If he doesn’t come, I want you to know something.” Dick moves, gently resting Jason’s head down before climbing over him.

“…The hell ‘re you–”

“I love you, Littlewing. I really do.”

Fucking Dick always the drama queen. Trying to protect him and making the cliché “I love you,” Dick could’ve been a damn Oscar winning actor in another life.

Except the flaw in this godawful movie scene is that they don’t end up going up in flames and smoke. Instead, the barrels erupt in a green gas and they in giggles.

“D-Dick-k-k…hee…" Jesus, that kills his ribs.

"I can’t breathe! Hahaha!” Dick burst into demented sniggering, rolling of him with kicking legs, and Jason supposes the broken bones keeping him from breathing deeply are a bit of a good thing right now.

Biting down on his growing smile and his giggles, he forces himself to turn on his beaten and lumpy side to grab his helmet, clutching at it with snapped fingers. He can hear the sobs in between Dick’s cackling, which drives him to grasp his helmet. Whimpering behind clenched teeth, he rolls onto his knees to find Dick, body arched and contorted, weeping and squawking with lips bleeding in a cheek splitting grin. Whether Jason’s interrupted heartbeat is from the Joker’s gas or from seeing Dick so crazed…so damaged…he doesn’t know anything, but that it is agony.

He closes the helmet around Dick’s head with a soft click, knowing the air filter will help the acrobat considerably. Laughs bubble from his throat and burst from his mouth as he finally collapses face first in the floor.

The things he does for love.

Where is my Mind

Where is my mind

Emma takes a short break from being the savior to get drunk and think about how ridiculous her life is.

It’s kind of cracky and not serious at all. A bit Captain Swan, Daddy!Charming and a little Captain Charming.

What a week it had been. It was Saturday night and in the past week Emma had been savioring, for lack of better word, non-stop.

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