and clean the entire house

Overcome Chihoko
  • Yuuri: Viktor, stop being such a baby and do the dishes!
  • Viktor: But it's your turn, Yuuri, pleaseeeeee
  • Yuuri: *whispers* Chihoko wouldn't treat me like this
  • Viktor: The dishes are done, then entire house is cleaned, I folded all the laundry, walked Makkachin and made dinner for you
brutally honest descriptions of the mbti types based off my experiences with them via a very sleep deprived infp

enfp:

-commitment issues? haha i’ve never heard of those :))))

-will literally punch a toddler in the throat if they say they support trump

-so i took the mbti test 7 times and i got infp twice and entp once?? i don’t really know, because i kind of fit into the infj sterotypes more, but if you really think about it i’m kind of an enfj? but i also really relate to isfps, but then again i think i’m too opinionated and logical to be a feeler, so entp isn’t out of the question, but i also feel like the entj cognitive functions really fit m

-genuinely love animals and it’s so pure

-hi sorry for not replying, i was in prison :3 also i moved to norway lol

-actually just the 2007 taco xd random aesthetic irl

-“i just came up with another book plot” texts approximately every 2.3 hours

isfp:

-hi i’m melissa i’m a 23 year old art school dropout and i abuse prescription pills but it’s okay because i have 200 followers on my grunge aesthetic instagram account. rent me an apartment?

-(talking about veganism to someone at a party) i just don’t understand how anyone could put all of that stuff in their body :/ *bends down to snort a line of cocaine*

-actually really artistically talented but much like the infp they refuse to give themselves any credit for it

-my dream man is someone who goes to coachella with me, helps me align my charkas, takes sad candid pictures of me, is willing to backpack around europe with me and my philosophy class during the summer,

-*googles* why do i share a type with literally every indie musician that has ever breathed lol

-probably fucked your girl in the back of a vape shop

infj:

-if you manage to find one never let them go they are some of the best people you’ll ever meet

-huge harry potter nerds

-can manage to get you to spill out your entire life story to them with a concerned glance

-please actually care for yourself for once and a while literally you do everything for everyone else just take some time for yourself god dammit you deserve it

-CATS™

-could be literally the most talented person in the world but would never come close to admitting it

-hi i’m actually just jesus christ irl! nice to meet you :-)

intj:

-they know everything

-like seriously everything it’s kind of scary like calm down karl

- allows themselves to recognize exactly one (1) human emotion per year

-can read for hours on end without getting bored and genuinely loves learning

-are generally dicks tbh especially to the people they love the most

-wikipedia articles™

-they actually aren’t actually the emotionless robots tumblr seems to display them as, they are actually extremely emotional in my experience and tend to get offended/upset easily and over small things

-sci-fi, cats, and machines > humans

-superiority complex™

-cute when they aren’t busy throwing tantrums/crushing the souls of their enemies

esfj:

-hi i’m martha, i’m 32 years young, i like long walks by the beach, yoga, and judging my neighbors for not mowing their lawn :-)  

-tend to be extra™ parents and their kids can either turn out complete emotional wreck assholes because they’ve never been disciplined or the happiest child you’ll ever meet, there is no in between

-they may be complete snakes and have never came up with an original idea in their entire life but boy can they make a killer chicken parmesan

-kind of comforting in a mother-like sense when they aren’t busy being judgmental dicks

-will clean your entire house for you on a whim

infp:

-wow i love being an infj :)) top 1% haha :))

-will literally develop a crush on someone because they say they know what tumblr is

-find purpose in writing/creating in general

-ending toxic relationships?? haha what’s that??? :))

-constantly switches between their “you can’t control me it isn’t a phase mom go away >:(( my chemical pilots at the disco saved me xd i will literally punch a baby fuck the system i’m 2cool4school” persona and their “i’m such a smol bean :3 save all the animals <333 i love pretty girls and dogs :))” persona

-“can i txt you back in like 15 mins i’m having an emotional breakdown lol”

-actually genuinely empathetic and creatively gifted but gives themself credit for none of it

-intelligent but fails classes because their teacher said something that went against their morals

-playing the victim? never heard of it! :))

-secretly just meme hoarders

-attention whores tbh i won’t even deny it

-o v e r d r a m a t i c

entp:

-hi it’s 6 fucking am and everyone just wants to go back to sleep or die or both but i’m gonna start an argument with the professor over the origin of tangerines for no apparent reason

-*googles* how to permanently get rid of my fe in 5 simple steps

-follow my meme page xd

-so what if i love my dog more than i do myself and my entire family?

-this conversation is boring me i’m gonna go chug a bottle of vodka and binge bill nye the science guy™ peace out

-have low self-esteems but compensate through obscure dark web conspiracy theories at 3 in the morning

-shirley i didn’t call you back because you’re a fake ass bitch not because i didn’t like your lasagna at the block party

estp:

-why do i keep physically abusing my crush lol

-and why do i keep yelling i can’t even stop at this point someone please send help

-they love food more than they do themselves

-fuckboys™

-hi welcome to my prank youtube channel :3

-the type of people to show up to school with 37 puppies and a knife

-i’m not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks

entj:

-sorry i didn’t show up to school because you’re fucking stupid

-awe infp is so cute <3 i’ll destroy them last

-*on the floor, drunk, talking to their dog* you’re the only motherfucker in this town who can handle me

-what do you mean other people’s opinions/beliefs besides my own are valid lol??

-lowkey have daddy kinks

-what do you mean it’s physically impossible for me to control every aspect of my life??

-i mean if you really think about it voldemort was the victim,

-the type of person who could tell their crush they like them without flinching. terrifying

istp:

-wears d.a.r.e shirts ironically

-1990’s grunge aesthetic

-would walk into a burning building for the meme

-playing the hero?? haha never heard of it :))

-ew what the fuck man get those feelings away from me lol

-fuck da police

-following the rules?? that seems excessive lmao no thanks

istj:

-i once had one (1) original idea back in the summer of ’67. it was terrifying. i’ll never do it again.

-your scary math teacher that wears black socks everyday expects friday. then they jazz it up a bit with stripes. will mark your grade up if you say you like the same sports team as they do.

-understanding concepts outside of your own experiences? lmao no thanks?

-will make quizlet sets organize your desk for you

-my dream in life is to narrate a crime documentary and complete my george washington memorabilia collection.

-remembers all of their colleagues birthdays. doesn’t say happy birthday.

enfj:

-fucking get over your ex already he wasn’t that attractive calm down allison

-*googles* why do i relate to regina george from mean girls so much?

-the type of person who tells your boyfriend you have a crush on him

-o v e r d r a m a t i c

-gets your shit together for you. judges you

intp:

-dead inside

-if you can manage to find one that actually tolerates you they are some of the most loyal and true people you’ll ever meet

-horrible social skills, compensates through meme hoarding

-sends you links to conspiracy theory videos when you’re sad

-extremely intelligent but they get lost in their own house

-whoops i just remember i haven’t showered in 3 weeks lol

-i would laugh at that joke but i’m 3 hours deep into an existential crisis and i’m 100% convinced you are actually a robot created by bill clinton so not today jeff

esfp:

-yes homo

-cries over cat videos in public

-facetimes you in a grasshopper fursuit at 3 in the morning

-probably an alcoholic

-has 87 different crushes at once

-you haven’t talked to them in 7 years but they’ll show up at your birthday party and give you dog

-also attention whores

-generally has the personality of someone who just did 10 lines of cocaine

isfj:

-one sec let me just gather up all of the fake empathy i can muster for this particular situation

-that one kid in class who always has perfect notes

-shudders at the thought of… a… creative… thought….

-falls in love with an estp approximately every 23 seconds

-hi i’m karen, i’m 34, i love my family, cupcake baking, helping people of course until it interferes with my own personal comfort haha, christmas decorations, room layouts,

-probably has a studyblr

estj:

-your angry boss

-probably cyberbullies children on the internet 

-has an emotional breakdown when they don’t win classroom jeopardy 

-*googles* who is bernie sanders and why do i want him dead

-organizes your shit for you, regrets it later

-dead inside

(Okay, so I’m starting a little “series” thing. I’ve got ideas for all of the Potter-Malfoy kids and I’ll be releasing drawings and headcanons of them. I hope you enjoy!!)

The first of the Potter-Malfoy kids I’d like to introduce you to are Anita and Lyra, the oldest. 

headcanons: 

general: 

  • I imagine there’s lots of muggle-born kids who are given up because of their parent’s thinking their demonic or whatever 
  • + there’s no way any magical government would let them just grow up in foster homes bc they may give off bursts of magic which is multiple kinds of dangerous
  • + since there’s not a humongous wizard population, there’s the possibility that there’s a huge international wizard foster home/orphanage. 
  • I imagine it’s quite multicultural and if a child ends us spending most of their childhood there, it is made sure that they keep their language and culture intact.
  • there are of course kids of other blood statuses, but it’s probably about 75% muggle-born
  • So, on another note: Harry and Draco get married fairly early (about 2000, when their both 19.) 
  • because there’s a huge rush to do things after the war. 
  • everyone who was caught up in it have this urgency in their lives after feeling like they could lose everything in a blink of an eye. 
  • So all these kids go into their adult lives doing things in a rush. they go after their jobs, move back to be near their families, travel, get married etc.
  • Harry and Draco move back to Grimould place bc, even though Harry has shit memories there, he feels the need to continue making it a place full of love. Something it wasn’t when sirius was there. 
  • + since it has (yet again) gone into a bit of disrepair Draco slaps on an apron and cleans the entire fucking house with the help of Molly (bc what are household spells ??? How do those ???)
  • also when Molly gets over Draco’s past and gets to know him she fucking lovES him
  • So Draco + Harry have only been married for a year when they decide they want kids.
  • the big house was so quiet and they both want to be parents so badly, to be the fathers they never had.
  • so they travel out to this international foster home and decide they want a new born child to be their first, so that they can get the “whole experience”. They go through all the background checks and procedures to make sure they’re fit parents.
  • from there on it’s a waiting game
  • they’re notified in December of 2001 that the home has acquired two children from a woman who had given birth days ago + Draco and Harry immediately drop everything to rush down there

Anita + Lyra specific:

  • They’re twin muggle born girls from Morroco and they’re beautiful
  • Draco and Harry fell in love with them instantly and adopt them within the week
  • Draco is absolutely adamant about naming all their kids after constellations as the Black family tradition goes. Thus, Lyra (Narcissa) and Anita (Lily) are decided on.
  • Harry’s totally fine with and suggests that they just take the Malfoy name but Draco’s just like ??? are you insane ? your famous and my family’s nearly extinct ? They’ll have both our names and can decide if they want to go by one or the other (or both) ??
  • They’re identical and after having an extremely hard time telling them apart, Draco goes and buys these head bands, one with flowers and one with stars. Anita is given the flowers and Lyra the stars
  • They’re just bursting with magic from day one. So much so that Draco + Harry are constantly cleaning up things they’ve shattered. But they love it, really.
  • Draco is a stay at home dad bc he can’t stand working at the ministry for another second
  • they try their best to keep their culture with them and buy tons of muggle books to learn Arabic and teach the girls Arabic
  • Harry is “bābā” and Draco is “daddy” 
  • Anita is very soft and says ‘OH!’ (which turns into damn! as she gets older) every time anything is dropped or she accidentally breaks something. She insists on helping cleaning or cooking. She’s a bit shy and smiles with her nose crinkled. She’s incredibly smart but can get herself into mischief and is a bit too good at lying for Harry’s comfort
  • Lyra is a bit more reckless. She’s always laughing and snarking and getting into trouble. But she wears her heart on her sleeve and is so easy to read. she’s also a bit of a whirlwind of emotions. She empathizes so hard with everyone around her that it’s hard for her not to get frustrated 
  • Lucius - who already had an incredibly hard time warming up to the whole Harry and Draco idea in the first time - absolutely flips out when he hears that they’ve adopted muggleborns 
  • + Draco is just not fucking having it though. 
  • and in a heated argument tells Lucius that he’d chose “his girls” over his “shite father” any day and that if Lucius he has a problem with his granddaughters than he has no business coming around Draco’s family ever again because they will not stand that kind of prejudice anymore
  • therefore, the only of his friend’s kids he can allow around L + A is are Blaise’s. (bc Blaise’s mother was nOT here for Voldemort in the first place and neither really was Blasie when push came to shove. ive got about a billion head canons about Blaise’s mum. Someone ask me some day )
  • Narcissa on the other hand is thrilled when Draco tells her she’s a grandmother. She adores them and spoils them with Andromeda. (bc after the war Narcissa stopped giving two flying fucks about the constricted “perfect pureblood” mess she grew up in and for once in her life is just her god damn self, fuck everyone else.)
  • She eventually brings Lucius around. And though, Draco still holds bitterness about the whole situation, he gets past it after Lucius does.
  • Lucius also comes to adore the girls and continues to try to buy them things that are waaay too expensive and grand + Draco is just like “no no no no no. you’re not giving 3 year olds two of the latest broom models. Those are for full grown professional quidditch players for Merlin’s sake!” 
  • Draco is wonderful parent but is very helicopter-esque about the kids getting hurt or doing anything remotely dangerous 
  • while Harry likes to do the whole “living room wrestling” and “foot races through the mud” sort of thing.
  • They eventually create a sort of back yard for the kids at Grimould (sort of like the suitcase world Newt had but obviously smaller) for the kids to race around on their (toddler sized) broom sticks
  • They’re both Slytherins and like a scarier more lowkey Fred and George
  • Mcgonagall has a mini heart attack when she see’s their names on the list of first years (bc what thE FUCK THOSE TWO ARE MARRIED WITH chILDREN)
  • they both decide to go with “Potter-Malfoy” in whole half bc they love people’s expressions when hearing it but on their quidditch jerseys Anita has Potter and Lyra has Malfoy. Anita is a beater and Lyra is a keeper
home sweet home; andreil
  • I can’t help but think a lot about Neil and Andrew just doing domestic, mundane, couple things.
  • Neil and Andrew at the grocery store. Neil noticing Andrew’s stocking up on all the sugary foods and beverages he can get his hands on, so he wanders off to the veggies and health food aisles to make sure Andrew balances his diet. “No more ice cream breakfasts, okay?” Neil says, when Andrew just shoots him a blank stare, Neil shrugs. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m just trying to keep your inevitable risk of diabetes at bay.” Andrew barely blinks. “You’re diabetes,” he mumbles. At this, Neil breaks into a small, slightly teasing smile, “Besides, I want you to cook for me.” “And I want you to shut up,” Andrew replies, dryly. “I guess neither of us are going to get what we want.” Despite this, slowly, steadily, Andrew does start improving his eating habits, and when he realizes that Neil is a disaster with an electric lighter after he almost burns down their kitchen twice, Andrew begins cooking for him on the regular. Neil always ends up staring at him while he cooks, and Andrew pretends like it doesn’t affect him, like it doesn’t make him hyperaware of his every move. Bee suggests new recipes to him every weekend, and Andrew begins to cook so surprisingly often that Neil would never dare say it aloud, but he swears that Andrew might actually be enjoying it.
  • Neil gives Andrew a shoulder massage on the really bad days and distracts his mind with talks of the latest additions to the Fox lineup and how he thinks they need to up their game if they want to succeed. This is new. This feels new. Andrew is not used to this sort of thing and has trouble at first, tensing up against Neil’s touch almost immediately, and so Neil knows to be extra careful. This is alien territory for both of them because Neil has never known how to be gentle and Andrew has never known gentleness, but it turns out that Neil’s really good with his hands. Eventually, Andrew leans his head back against Neil’s stomach as he kneads the tension out of his muscles and just lets go. It’s difficult at first, because the last time Andrew allowed himself to be this defenseless, this bodily loose and relaxed… No. This was different. This was Neil. Neil would cross himself out a thousand times over at even the mere idea of hurting him. He was okay. He was… He was safe. After giving him a massage, Neil leans in to kiss Andrew’s neck, but before he has the chance, Andrew’s already flipped him over and straddling him, “Yes or no?” he mumbles gruffly, but Neil’s already choking out a hoarse, breathless fuck yes as Andrew runs his hands up his arms and entwines their fingers before entrapping him under his body with a vehement, sealing kiss that leaves them both gasping for breath. 
  • Andrew falling ill with the flu and insisting that he doesn’t get sick, even as he’s coughing up his lungs and running a high fever. Neil doesn’t buy into his bullshit for one second and insists on dragging him to the doctor’s office. That’s when Andrew quietly admits his loathing of doctors, stemming from a general distrust of society and never having been to one before. Whenever he got sick before, he would just take care of it on his own. And then he had Abby. Neil insists that despite Abby’s qualifications, Andrew needed to go see a real doctor. Neil successfully wears him down and they end up visiting the doctor together. In the waiting room, Andrew is crushing Neil’s hand so tight Neil knows it’s going to leave a bruise. Neil doesn’t care. He managed to convince Andrew to make the trip. That’s all that matters.
  • Whenever the Foxes come to visit them, Andrew cleans out the entire house. Makes sure every surface is scrubbed and not a thing is out of place. He makes them all take their shoes off at the doorstep and warns Nicky he’ll make him bleed if he hoists his legs up on the recently polished coffee table.
  • Andrew and Neil working out together, and Neil once again, being flabbergasted by just how much weight this boy can lift. It feels like some strange metaphor for all of Neil’s baggage he took at face value and handled like a rock. “You’re staring again,” Andrew points out, sitting there in a muscle t-shirt, his skin slick with sweat, his blond tufts pulled back by a thin black bandana, performing a 180kg deadlift like it’s practically nothing. “Yeah,” Neil manages. “Get used to it already.”
  • The two of them getting away for the weekend from everyone and everything. Driving, driving, halting at terribly lit gas stations in the middle of nowhere to buy cigarettes and soda, star-gazing on the roof of the Maserati, Andrew knowing every constellation by heart, Neil gaping at him in quiet, captivated awe. The two of them falling asleep in dingy motel rooms after making messy love. The comfort in the little things and just purely enjoying one another’s existence, one another’s presence. Neil’s head on Andrew’s shoulder, Andrew pressing a kiss to the pulse point of Neil’s throat, Neil fiddling with Andrew’s hair, Andrew shivering when Neil bites promises into his neck, Andrew’s hands underneath Neil’s shirt, killing his scars with his kisses.
  • Listen I could go on forever but I need to STOP.
Witchy To-Do List When You Got Bad Juju:

Bad Juju (as my mother calls it) is when you’ve attracted negative/heavy energy. This can be just not regularly cleansing, others casting the energy onto you, or visiting places that attract negative energy (busy public transportation stations, graveyards, toxic work environment, etc.). This can really put stress onto you, such as creating bad dreams, accumulation of small and annoying incidents, and just constant bad days. Here’s what I what do to get rid of this juju HARD:

1) Clean your entire living space. Whether it is an apartment or house: CLEAN. If your bad juju is particularly bad, DEEP-CLEAN. Wash your floors, deep clean your carpets, scrub those countertops. Act like you’re about to get a ton of guests over in a very short amount of time. Do laundry also!

2) Purge. Throw out expired food, trash, recycling, etc. Yes, it can be part of cleaning, but this is important. My mother and I used to throw out the dirty mop water from our windows before I moved out into an apartment. Now, I throw out my trash at the end of every clean session.

3) Burn cleansing incense. Sage (white or different variation), Palo Santo, Sweetgrass, Patcholi, or any other incense that makes you feel clean. Burn this after you’re done cleaning.

4) Listen to witch playlists or instrumentals that get you going. There’s plenty of these playlists on Youtube. I love listening to Slavic Drums and songs while I clean, as the drums really get me motivated.

5) Cleanse your bed. Take out the sheets, pillow cases, and blanket/comforter. Wash them all and/or replace with new sheets, pillow cases, and blanket/comforter. Then, dose your bed with sage or palo santo. I prefer palo santo as it’s easier to obtain and more ethical than sage.

6) Take a shower/bath and cleanse. By this point, you have worked up a sweat. Not only is a shower great, but you can visualize cleansing yourself in the shower/bath. Ultimately, you need to unwind and relax.

7) Meditate. If you can or want to, meditation really helps. Guided meditations are on Youtube. I personally listen to instrumentals and visualize peaceful places and really concentrate on the details of the location. 15 minutes minimum.

8) Drink water. Hydration is very, very important. A natural cleanser for your body, but it will really help with relaxing and feeling clean and better.

I welcome you to add more to the list and you can add/change to your own routine! I’m also interested in hearing how other people get rid of bad juju! :)

just remembered when i was around six and my mom wanted to go out with my then-stepdad so she took me aside and told me that she wanted to give me something, and that thing was responsibility, and while i had it i could stay home alone with my little brother and we could watch tv and have ice cream and stay up as late as we wanted. but if something happened and we didn’t call an adult or the cops, or if they came home and the house was a mess/on fire, then i would lose the responsibility and we could never do it again. it was pretty effective considering a ended up roping my brother into helping me to clean the entire house to prove i could handle responsibility, but also it gave me some weird ideas about what responsibility actually was.

Odd Socks - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Summary : Sometimes, Bruce likes to think about all the things he loves about you, just as a reminder that you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.

I hope this silly and short fic will cheer you up. If it doesn’t, sorry, I tried. I just felt suddenly inspired, while I’m in the doctor’s waiting room, and so wrote this…Wrote it on my phone, sorry if there’s any terrible mistakes. Anyway, here : 

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

__________________________________________________

There was things Bruce loved about you. A lot of things. 

Whenever he felt sad, a bit under the weather, or if you two got into an argument…He would make a list of said things, often forgetting three quarters of all the reasons why he fell in love with you, all the reasons why, even after years of marriage, he was still head over heels for you, crazy about you and everything you did (even annoying him). Because, there really was A LOT of things he loved about you, listing them all in one sitting was impossible. 

Yes, Bruce Wayne really enjoyed making lists about why you were so awesome, it often helped him cope with things (a boring meeting at Wayne Enterprise : list. Kidnapped by a villain and trying to resist torture : the thought of you, and the list would help him go through it). 

And today, as you were lying on a hospital bed, hooked to machines that helped you breathe, he definitely needed to make a list…However, for the first time since he fell for you, it wasn’t really helping. On the contrary, slowly, as he was looking at your broken body on the bed, cursing the man who didn’t check his blind spot well enough and who cut you off while you were riding your motorcycle full speed on the freeway, he felt like this list was going to be the end of him…Because, if he lost all of those things he loved so much about you, how could he go on ? And yet, he kept listing it in his head, even though the thought of losing them, losing you, was unbearable. 

1. He loves the way you always wear odd socks. 

The first time he noticed, it was in your apartment, at the beginning of your relationship, as you were both chilling together on your couch. You had one red sock, and a black one. 

The second time he noticed, he was tearing your clothes off and throwing you on his bed. You had one green sock, and a striped grey/blue one. 

The third time he noticed, it was at the Manor. Alfred had just clean the entire house, and ordered every guests to take their shoes off…It was during a party Bruce was throwing, and it was very funny to see the richest people in Gotham take their shoes off, impressed and intimidated by Bruce Wayne’s butler. Most women were bare feet, as they had heels on, and others just had normal socks on. And then there were you, a yellow and black striped sock, like a bee, and a sock with little platypus on it. Very classy. 

The fourth time he noticed, he asked you about it, and your answer made him chuckle : 

-Life’s too short for matching socks. Like, I have better things to do alright ? 

-…You’ve been binge watching Friends for the past three hours. 

-Exactly my point.

The smile you gave him at that moment made him melt, and he hasn’t been able to stop himself from kissing you passionately. Oh damn he loved you, you and your odd socks. 

Keep reading

Process goals vs. endpoint goals

This concept was one of the most life-changing things I ever learned, so I wanted to share it. It’s probably something you’ve thought about without realizing it.

If you have something you want to accomplish, or a change you want to make in your life, there are two ways to set goals: you can set process goals, or endpoint goals. 

Example of endpoint goals:

  • Lose 10 lbs by Christmas
  • Write a novel
  • Get $5,000 into savings
  • Get straight A’s

Examples of process goals:

  • Cut down to one soda per day
  • Write 500 words a day
  • Save 5% of each paycheck
  • Study 1 hour a day

Endpoint goals represent an outcome you want to achieve. Process goals represent the steps you are taking to achieve that outcome.

But here’s the rub: process goals are better, and generally more effective.

Endpoint goals set you up in a yes/no dichotomy. Say you want to write a novel. Have you done it? Yes? Great. No? You fail. You’ve either achieved the goal, or you haven’t. Endpoint goals also don’t provide a roadmap for how to get there. It’s vague, and its typically far-off deadline doesn’t provide much mental impetus to take steps to achieve it. If you say “I’ll write a novel by one year from now” it’s super easy to say “ehh, meh, I’ll work on it some other time.”

Endpoint goals also set you up for disappointment and failure. It’s like putting all your eggs in one basket - you’ll either meet the goal or you won’t, and given that a lot of endpoint goals tend to be somewhat pie-in-the-sky, not meeting them is pretty common. Which just gets you discouraged. 

An endpoint goal can seem like a big mountain you have to climb. Setting process goals instead of endpoint goals is focusing on the individual steps to take, instead of staring up at the peak, which will just make you trip over something. It’s carving switchbacks into that mountain.

A lot of advice you’ve probably already heard amounts to breaking down endpoint goals and focusing on process goals. Take cleaning or de-cluttering, for example. How many times have you heard the old “clean for 15 minutes at a time” or “break it down into multiple small tasks” advice? That works because what that’s doing is breaking down the big endpoint goal of “clean the entire house” into process goals.

A big area that uses this concept is in fitness. Saying “I’m going to be able to bench press 300 lbs by New Year’s” isn’t super helpful. So weightlifters focus on goals like “Each workout I will do x reps, increasing in weight.” That’s a process goal. And it’s more forgiving, too. Not every workout will be successful. Sometimes the bodybuilder may feel tired, or might not get in as many reps, but he’s still working the process, so he’s still accomplishing his process goals. I’ve found this very useful for my own fitness. I’m not focusing on hitting a certain lifting weight, or losing X amount of pounds (exercise isn’t for weight loss anyway) - I’m focusing on going to my classes regularly, walking on a regular schedule, getting those Active Minutes on the FitBit. That’s a process goal. And I always feel like I’m succeeding, even if I miss a workout or can’t walk because it’s raining - the process is still a go.

Sports teams do this, too. The endpoint goal might be “win the Stanley Cup,” but how they do that is by focusing on process goals. We’re going to practice these skills, and run these drills, and condition X many times per week.

Ultimately, your endpoint goal is the final reward of having met your process goals. Achieving your endpoint goal isn’t always within your power - if your endpoint goal is to publish a novel then you’re gonna need some cooperation from publishers - but achieving your process goals is always within your power, and taking yourself through that process may provide you with rewards that you didn’t anticipate. 

Process goals give you a constant stream of positive reinforcement, which is something an endpoint goal can’t do. Any behavior that’s meant to achieve an endpoint goal is easy to rationalize stopping once the goal is reached (”I’ll run every day until I lose 10 lbs!”) but a process goal is an ongoing practice that will help you achieve goals beyond the endpoint, and other goals you never even thought to set yourself.

So if you have an endpoint goal you want to achieve, it’s okay to know what it is, but sort of - put a pin in it. The reward of achieving that goal is far away. Focus on process goals, and you’ll start feeling rewarded immediately.

It’s Worth It

SPN FanFic

~Sometimes the fun found at the bottom of a bottle can be deadly…~

Sam x Reader, Dean

6,015 Words

Warnings: NSFW! Murder, Drunkenness, Saucy Language, Unprotected Sexual Activity, Rough Sex, Oral, Just…lots of Smut. Lots of it. Smangst.

A/N: This is my longest one shot ever! Oops. My entry for @winchester-writesRose’s Birthday Drinking Challenge. Happy Birthday! Hope you like it! My prompts were Finlandia Vodka and “are we going to have sex or not?” 

“Does this seem like an insane amount of a booze to you?” Y/N stood at the ornate mahogany bar in the parlor of the Caruso Estate, counting the two dozen or so bottles of top shelf liquor, some of them in various stages of emptiness.

Dean appeared at her side, the vision of professionalism in his tailored navy blue suit. His hand waved around over the tops of the bottles, choosing one at random to pull up and examine. “Finlandia Vodka,” he read. “Hmm, you a vodka girl Y/N/N?” He turned to his friend, a slick grin gracing his lips.

She chuckled in response, shaking her head. “I used to be. That stuff just makes me sleepy now.”

“Huh.” Dean turned the bottle in his hands and then, peeking over his shoulder for any on-looking cops, shoved it in his jacket.

“Are you serious? Stealing a dead man’s vodka?” Y/N questioned his thievery.

Dean chuckled, “What? Mr. Caruso’s not gonna miss it. Besides, I’ve stolen worse.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “I’ve heard. What’d you ever do with that bottle of Viagra from the nursing home?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He wiggled his eyebrows and pursed his lips in a flirtatious smirk.

Keep reading

choose me II

LADIES AND GENTS I PRESENT TO YOU THIS WONDERFUL PIECE OF WORK @teen-mendes AND i WROTE TOGETHER

PART TWO TO THE BLURB “CHOOSE ME” I HOPE YALL ENJOY BECAUSE WE HAD AN EXTRAVAGANZA

FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS LOVED! :)

-

while putting olivia to bed, she told you that “daddy makes her sad” and asked you to stay with her so you didn’t need to sleep in the same bed as shawn. you agreed, getting under the covers with her and pulling her close to you.

you hated that she felt this way about her dad.

the next morning you woke up at your usual time 7:00am, while olivia was still fast asleep sprawled across the entire bed. you chuckled, slowly exiting the bed, careful not to wake your sleeping daughter.

you tiptoed your way into yours and shawn’s shared bathroom, noticing he wasn’t in the bed like usual. you quickly showered and did your hair and makeup for work in record time. all you had to do was throw on some clothes and you were good for work.

by the time you finished and were making your way down the stairs to make breakfast for olivia, you heard quiet humming coming from the kitchen followed by the smell of pancakes. olivia’s favourite.

“shawn?” you asked, stepping into the kitchen, revealing your husband already awake and making breakfast. you noticed the table was set too, including olivia’s favourite plate to eat with in her spot.

“hey,” he smiled, placing the stack of pancakes in the middle of the table. you smiled, taking in the sight before you. shawn had made the perfect breakfast for olivia, and even added some of your favourite berries that were almost impossible to find at this time of year.

“this is sweet,” you commented. “but what’s the occasion? more studio time, a new tour perhaps?”

you raised your eyebrow, knowing he wouldn’t do this if there wasn’t something up. he never did.

“nope, just thought i would make breakfast for a change. good way to start the week off.”

he returned back to his spot at the stove, resuming is pancake making. you were surprised he hasn’t burned any yet, the boy can’t cook to save his life.

“you took the week off?”

he nodded, “i needed it, we needed it.”

shawn flipped another pancake, except this time he was looking at you which caused the pancake to miss the pan and fall flat on the floor.

“whoops,” he sighed, causing you to let out a small giggle. you were still extremely upset with him, and he had to know that doing this wasn’t going to let him off the hook just like that.

“mummy,” your daughter’s tired voice called you as she walked down the stairs.

“hi sweetie, did you sleep well?” you asked, walking towards her and picking her up. she was still tired, you weren’t sure why she woke
up so early.

she nodded, letting her head fall on your shoulder.

“breakfast is ready, daddy made you pancakes.” you said, setting her down in her chair at the table noticing shawn was already sitting down.

“no! i don’t want to sit with daddy. he’s mean.” she pouted, trying to get out of her seat. you grabbed both of her arms, keeping her down.

“that’s not nice olivia, daddy made you breakfast. look, it’s your favourite.”

you showed her the plate of chocolate chip pancakes, but nothing seemed to convince her. not even the whipped cream you bribed her with.

shawn sat in silence and watched his daughter with sad eyes, even though you were upset with him you couldn’t help but feel terrible. as much as he was away, he loved her with all his heart.

you finally managed to get her to eat some breakfast, after she said she needed to sit only next to you and not between shawn and you. she wouldn’t look at him, but she talked to you. she told you about her dreams last night, and what she was doing at school later.

you took olivia to her room and helped her get ready for school. as you two walked outside to shawn’s black jeep, olivia frowned and tried to pull you in the direction of your car indicating that she didn’t want to get in a car with shawn and this broke your heart.

“sweetheart let’s go, you’re going to be late for school.” you tried and she eventually agreed as she walked to shawn’s car with you, shawn put in a car seat as he insisted that he’d put olivia in the seat.

he reached his hands, ready to take her when she ran and hid behind your legs, shawn tried to convince her but olivia was stubborn and refused to listen, shawn eventually gave up and smiled at you cheekily as you put olivia in the car seat and got into the passenger seat not long after.

the drive from your home to olivia’s preschool was mostly silent except for olivia’s occasional comments like “look there’s a puppy!” and “mumma look, baby ducks!” she made sure to let you know she was talking to you and only you.

once you got to the preschool, you helped olivia out of her car seat and grabbed her hand, guiding her into the small school.

“bye sweetie,” shawn tried as you walked away with olivia. you nudged her to answer but she refused.

once you arrived back in the car, shawn offered to drive you to work. without olivia in the car, things were painfully awkward.

shawn reached out to touch your hand and tried to intertwine them but you pulled your hand away showing that you were still upset and he sighed.

“c'mon y/n, please talk to me!” you stayed silent and looked out the window.

“y/n i know i messed up big time but you have to believe me when i say i’m sorry! liv already hates me, i don’t need you to hate me too.” you could hear the desperation in his voice as he reached to touch your hand again

“please i’ll do anything y/n, please just give me another chance, let me prove to you that i can be the husband- the father, you always wanted me to be.”

“shawn, i can’t say what you can do you have to figure that out on your own, actions speak louder than words you’re gonna have to find a way to prove that you’ve changed.” you said as he parked the car near your work

“i promise, i’ll make it up to you two y/n. i won’t let you down this time.” he said as he pressed his lips to your hand and you felt the heat rise to your cheeks as you smiled politely leaving the car.

SHAWN POV

i watched as y/n exited the car and walked into her office building without even looking back.

it broke me inside to know that my daughter practically hates me, and my wife is on the verge of divorcing me. i hate that i’ve let my job overpower my family life, and i did nothing to stop it before it got to this point.

as soon as i arrived back home, i cleaned the mess i made from making breakfast and started thinking about how i was going to fix things.

i know i need to make this up to my girls somehow, but i’m not sure there was anything i could do anymore.

y/n loved to come home to a clean house so i decided to clean the entire house so she wouldn’t have to clean for at least a week or so.

as i was tidying up the living room, i saw y/n’s wedding band and engagement ring laying on the table where she left it last night. i picked it up and carefully put them in my pocket, hopefully saving them for good use later.

cleaning the house took me longer than expected, i wasn’t sure how y/n did it every week.

my phone lit up with y/n’s contact name.

from: y/n <3
hey can’t pick up olivia tonight, i have to stay late. can you please do it?

to: y/n <3
yeah of course baby, that’s if she’ll get in the car with me.

deciding it was time to go, i got in my car again and drove to olivia’s school.

i arrived right on time and saw the kids outside, some waiting for their parents and some leaving with them already.

i quickly spotted olivia in the corner of the play ground with a boys
other girls around her who looked much older than her. i walked closer, signalling to her teacher that i was picking her up, getting a closer look at what they were doing.

she looked on the verge of tears, her hair was a mess already and i noticed one of the little boys had her favourite stuffed bear in his hands. once she caught a glimpse of me, the tears started falling and she ran into my arms.

i comforted her as she cried into my chest.

“daddy,” she cried. “he took my bear and won’t give it back!”

i noticed the young boys still standing a short distance away, olivia’s favourite toy was all dirty and wet from a puddle they must’ve dropped it in.

“hey, give that back to me and don’t ever talk to her again.” i said, holding out one of my hands for the bear. the boy handed it to me and ran away with the rest of his little friends.

i picked olivia up, taking her to the car.

“daddy’s sorry baby, daddy’s sorry.” i whispered, repeating it until she was strapped in her car seat and had stopped crying.

i set the wet bear in the seat next to me, driving home as fast as possible.

“do you want some ice cream?” i asked once we arrived home. i threw her bear in the dryer for a few minutes first, praying there was no real damage done to the toy and it was only a bit of water.

“yes please.” she nodded, taking a seat at the table while i made her a bowl of ice cream.

i handed her the small bowl and sat down in the chair next to her.

“i miss you daddy.” she broke the silence. “how come you’re never here?”

“i’m sorry liv, i promise you i’ll be here a lot more from now on. okay?”

she nodded, handing me the empty bowl of ice cream to take to the sink while she ran off to play.

“daddy can you sing me a song?” she asked from the living room where i kept one guitar, the rest were in the music room.

“sure, what song?”

i took the guitar off the stand and started playing whatever song she requested. sometimes she would try and sing along, followed by an adorable giggle when she would mess up.

i truly missed spending this time alone with my daughter, i’ll forever feel guilty that i made my job first priority. never again. now all i have to do is make it up to y/n.

Y/N POV

after you payed the taxi you took out the keys to your house snd silently opened it to be met with the sounds of giggles and laughter. you took off your heels and tip toed to the living room to see shawn on olivia’s lap as he strummed a few tunes as she sang off key.
after a few minutes of standing in the hallway looking at them in awe shawn noticed your presence and smiled at you and you smiled back

“mummy!!” olivia screamed as she hopped off shawn’s lap and ran into your arms

“hi sweetheart.” you chuckled, olivia pulled you and sat you down on the couch next to shawn as you laughed and watched them sing together, this was your family. and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

“mummy i’m tired.” olivia yawned

“i got her.” shawn said taking her hands and leading her to her room as you stood up and walked to your room ready to take a shower when you saw your room setup.

a bouquet of red roses on your bed and flower petals that lead to the bathroom and the bathtub was full and had your favorite bath bombs in and candles were lit all over the bathroom.

“do you like it?” you tured to meet those hazel eyes

“i love it, thank you for everything shawn.”

“good because i wanna ask you something,” he said taking your hand and getting down on one knee revealing a familiar velvet box

“i messed up y/n, i messed up bigtime and my mistake made me realize how important you all are to me and how you and olivia should’ve always been my first priority, how you both should’ve been my number one. so y/n mendes, do you forgive me?” you nodded trying to hold back your tears as he slipped the ring back where it belonged as he hugged you

“actions do speak louder than words mendes, you proved that.” you chuckled and he kissed your forehead

“so what now?” you asked

“i have a few ideas.” he said kissing your neck

lets just say that night was a night you both wont forget, because this was the night you had your family back together.

Fish medicine reviews

- 5 stars. Saved my fish’s life, gave it radioactive superpowers, and cleaned my entire house. I am now able to walk again. I keep 20 bottles of this in my purse at all times.

- 1 star. Killed my fish, rended my tank into shards, and fucked my wife. I am homeless now. I spilled a drop on my hand and it melted through it like acid. I would not touch this with a yardstick.

Best Friends Part 2 || l.h.

This is the second part to Best Friends? that so many of you have asked for! I’m planning on making this into a short series, so there will be a part 3 to this and maybe a part 4, depending on whether or not you guys like it.

As always, if this gets to 100 notes with some feedback, then I’ll post part 3 since it is written and ready!

I’m too lazy to link part 1 in here right now, but I’ll link it later. However, it should be right under this post on my blog so it shouldn’t be hard to find. Enjoy!

After the coffee shop incident with Ashton, you decided that maybe he was right. So you tried to move on as best as you could; got a promotion at work, started having girls’ nights with your best friends again like you used to, and all around being good for yourself. Not for anyone else, just you. You stopped going out with guys who didn’t treat you right and decided that you’re happier single.

Now, it’s mid-October and you haven’t spoken to or seen Luke since July. It’s Girls’ Night, and you’re surrounding by all your friends in your living room as a romantic comedy plays on the TV even though nobody is really watching it.

“David has been so sneaky lately. He comes home later than usual and has been taking secret phone calls.” Sarah, a girl from your work says nonchalantly, as she paints her toenails a bubblegum pink. She’s in her mid-twenties and has light blonde hair that almost looks white in some sunlight. She’s never been one to take risks, always keeping her ideas to herself. That was, until you discovered how brilliant she actually is and hired her on as your partner after you got promoted.

“Maybe he’s cheating.” Emma, the fiery red headed intern who always has a cup of coffee waiting for you in the mornings says. She speaks her mind and doesn’t care if she hurts anyone’s feelings (Sarah says she’s just mean and insensitive, you think that having that quality will make Emma a great boss someday.) Sarah huffs. “I told you about it because I want to be assured that he isn’t.” She says, causing Emma to shrug. She pulls her hair up into a messy bun, since face masks are starting soon. “Sorry, I’m blunt. It sounds like he’s cheating.” You almost want to laugh at the exchange, because it’s true, it sounds like Sarah’s boyfriend of ten years has been cheating on her and there’s no way you can assure her that he isn’t.

“Or maybe he’s just planning something sweet for you.” Veronica, a girl you all met while shopping pipes up, ready to make things better. She’s a sweetheart, always offering help to anyone without a second thought. She’s shy, but she’s starting opening up more lately. You let out a small laugh. “Ronnie, you have a heart of gold, I swear.” You say. Veronica smiles a little. “You guys are such a great help.” Sarah says sarcastically. Before anyone can reply, the doorbell is being rung.

“Oh! That’s probably the pizza. Here, use David’s card to pay. He won’t mind.” Sarah says, handing you a credit card. “This is probably why he’s cheating on you.” Emma says, getting a pillow thrown her way from Veronica. “What? It’s true.” Emma says, causing all of you to burst into a fit of giggles. You open the door with a smile on your face, but that falls once you realize that it isn’t the pizza guy at the door.

The first thing you notice is his hair. It’s long, down to his chin now so the golden locks have started to get wavy. You also notice that his lip ring is gone. He’s taller now, way past six feet, you’re sure of it. The only thing that hasn’t changed are his eyes. They still make you feel like they’re piercing through your soul and learning everything about you.

“Luke,” You finally breathe out, his name caught in the back of your throat. He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“I’m guessing by all the cars in your driveway that you’ve started up Girls’ Night again?” He asks, and you almost roll your eyes, because of course that would be the first thing he would ask.

“Uh, yeah. Sarah thought it would be good for all of us.” You reply. Luke nods, glancing down at your outfit of choice for the night. You’re wearing light pink pajama pants with little penguins all over them and a white tank top.

“Cute PJs.” He comments, his lips turning up at the corners. “Thanks.” You say quietly. “(YN), you better not be flirting with the pizza guy again because we agreed that I-” Emma appears in the foyer behind you and stops mid-sentence.

“Oh. You’re not the pizza guy.” She says to Luke. “I’m afraid not, sorry to disappoint.” Luke says, turning on the charm and flashing her a grin. Emma glances at you and gives you a look, one that you’re sure means, ‘why the hell haven’t you introduced me to him already?’ You sigh. “Emma, this is Luke.” You explain. Emma’s mouth drops open a little.

“Wait, the Luke? As in old best friend Luke?” Emma asks, never one to be subtle. Luke chuckles. “So she’s talked about me, huh?” He asks, glancing back at you. “Oh, she has. I’m definitely not a fan of you, hot shot.” You snort, holding back a laugh. “Go back to the other girls, Em. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Emma shrugs, gives Luke one last glare, and then takes off back to the living room.

“She’s like a little fairy.” Luke says, chuckling. “Trust me, she isn’t. She takes boxing lessons every Tuesday and Thursday. She could kick your ass if I asked her too.” You say, smiling a little at the thought of Emma. She’s the youngest of the group, so you’ve always felt like you had to take care of her. She’s become more like a sister to you than an intern.

“Anyway, why are you here?” You ask. Luke bites his lip. “I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry.” He says, taking a step back away from your doorstep. “What?” You ask, your eyebrows furrowing. “You seem like you’re doing well, (Y/N). Which is great, you deserve that.” He turns on his heel and goes to leave.

“Do you… do you wanna come inside?” You ask quietly, your voice so low that it comes out as a whisper. Luke looks at you over his shoulder.

“Don’t wanna crash Girls’ Night. Can I call you tomorrow?” He asks, his eyes searching yours for any sign that things between you two are okay, even though he knows it isn’t and that there’s a lot of talking that needs to be done.

“Yeah, sure. I get off work at seven.” You tell him, which makes him frown. “The boys and I are doing an acoustic show outside the studio then. We probably won’t be back in our homes until ten at the earliest.” He says, pulling out his cell phone to rearrange his schedule.

“I’ll wait up.” You say, making him glance up at you. “Huh?” He asks, not quite sure if he heard you right. “I’ll wait up for you. I know there’s things we definitely need to talk about, so I’ll wait up for you. Call me when you get home tomorrow.” Luke grins, nodding his head.

“Alright. Bye, sweetheart.”

“Bye, Luke.”

***

The next day comes sooner than you expected.

You work from eight in the morning until seven that evening, so for most of the day, your mind is preoccupied. Except for during lunch, when Luke’s name pops up in the conversation.

“So, is he coming over tonight?” Emma asks you, pouring dressing onto his chicken salad. “Who?” You ask, grabbing a Gatorade from the vending machine in the lunch room.

“Luke.” She states, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Ooh, yeah, I wanna hear about that if he does.” Sarah pipes up, sipping some weird health-kick smoothie she’s trying today.

“(Y/N) has more self control than that.” Veronica says quietly, highlighting some notes on a sheet of paper instead of eating. “Thank you, Ronnie.” You say, smiling. She nods, biting on the end of her pen. Emma scoffs.

“(Y/N) does not have self control when it comes to him.” She says confidently. “Okay, we’ll see about that. He’s supposed to call me when he gets back from some acoustic show outside the studio.” You admit. “Oh! We should go to the show, and then afterwards, you guys can just go home with each other and talk.” Sarah says, her eyes shining brightly. “No, bad idea.” You mumble. Emma bursts into giggles, pointing at you. “No self control. That’s why you wanna do it over the phone.” She says, giggling. You shrug, mumbling, “I’m only human.” This sets off another fit of giggles.

***

You know you said that you would wait up for Luke to call, but waiting around is so nerve-wracking. You’ve cleaned your entire house already in just an hour even though it was already clean from two days before and have already ate through two bags of potato chips. Now, it’s almost eleven and you’re pacing through your bedroom, phone in hand.

You’re just starting to doubt that Luke is going to call when your phone rings, his name popping up on the screen for the first time in months. You go and practically jump into bed and get comfortable, answering the call.

“Hi.” You say breathlessly, a small smile on your face.

“Hey, angel.” Luke says quietly.

anonymous asked:

Ok I know this sounds weird...but..what would saeran do when he'a home alone??? I saw this same prompt sent in to another account but I wanted you to do it

Author’s note: Is this what you meant??? also IT’S NOT WEIRD and sorry this has been in my inbox forever 

Saeran

  • Well
  • Once, when he was home alone, he wanted to see what it would look like if he dressed up as his brother 
  • So he took out his contacts, put on a pair of Sevens’ glasses, and stole one of his jackets
  • Saeran looked at himself in the mirror
  • “Not bad…”
  • He began posing like his brother FINGER GUNS and mimicking him
  • “If anyone can hack it, I can.”
  • “Who’s genius idea was it to do that again? Oh yeah, mine.”
  • “MC, hand me a Dr. Pepper.”
  • “…Well, if you really want one, I just restocked the fridge.”
  • Saeran’s eyes widened 
  • He felt his face heat up and slowly turned around
  • “U-Uhh… how long have you been home?”
  • “Long enough,” you held up your phone and waved it around
  • He quickly grabbed it and looked at the MULTIPLE pictures you had taken of him
  • “Don’t bother deleting them,” you leaned against the door frame, “I already sent them all to my email.”
  •  “Just don’t tell Saeyoung,”  he handed you back your phone
  • “And what’ll you give me in return?”
  • “…I’ll clean the entire house.”
  • “Hmm…”
  • you smirked
  • “It’s a deal,” you held out your hand and shook his, “BUT, you have to wear Seven’s maid outfit.”
  • “WHAT??”
  • He pulled his hand away from your grip
  • “It’s too late!!! YOU ALREADY SHOOK ON IT!!”
  • “THAT’S NOT FAIR!”
  • “Then I guess you wouldn’t mind me sending this picture to the entire RFA.”
  • “…”
  • Saeran made a very cute maid

There’s often talk about how abusive parents can mess with someone’s relationship with food – especially if the abuse has food/weight components to it. I never see talk about how abuse can influence one’s relationship with time and space.

(and for the record, I am not at all discrediting food abuse or any of that. It’s horrible and my heart goes out to people who went through it and may still be dealing with the fallout. I’m just using it as a parallel and way to better describe what I’m about to).

Some parents are strict about food. What you can eat, when you can eat, how much you can eat, they dictate it as if you are an object that has no needs or preferences of your own. My mother had this a little, but surprisingly it’s one of the few things I managed to mostly escape. No, what my mother was strict about was time and controlling what I was doing.

I had to follow her schedule, do what she wanted, do it how she did it. It’s one thing to tell a child “this needs to be done by X time” or “could you do Y for me?” or “here, let me show you how to do Z”, but of course my mother was never like that.

  • I had to do what she wanted when she wanted it done, and when she did it. When she told (or yelled at) me to do something, I had to drop everything I was doing and do it right that instant. Didn’t matter if I was doing homework or playing a game with a group of people or actually going to my job (yes, she forced me to call into work because there was something she wanted done and god forbid it happen 4 hours later), I had to do what she said. And if she was doing something, by the gods I had better be doing something; I got called lazy and screamed at so many times because she decided to do laundry or paper work and I was watching something or playing a game.
  • Before I just gave up trying to deal with her, I always told my mother I would do other things but I would not touch the kitchen because it was disgusting since she never made an effort to clean it and used the skin as a garbage can (week+ old organics mixing with stagnant water creating slime and an ungodly smell was so fun to deal with). What happened? She would always yell at me to clean the kitchen. I could do other things – hell, I could clean the entire house – but if there was one thing I didn’t do that she wanted done, everything else counted for nothing and I would get yelled at.
  • She also never asked me to do something; she told (or yelled at me) what to do. She also never said a word, and not being psychic, things would seem fine until she’d explode about how lazy I was by not doing X, Y, and Z right that instant.
  • My mother never showed me how to do stuff. She would mock me and tell me how to do stuff in a super patronizing tone. If she saw me doing something that worked (sometimes better) in a way she wouldn’t do it, she would yell at me to get it “right” even though I wasn’t harming anything or any one and the way I was doing it was easier or made more sense to me.

As a result, if she’s around, I am constantly stressed and on edge. Even if she’s not home right then but will be later in the day, I am still stressed because I never know when she’s going to yell at me and know no matter what, she’s going to find fault with what I did.

This lead to me “hoarding” time for myself. If she’s not around or is asleep, I will do absolutely nothing except watch stuff, play games, or other things that are fun. It started when I was way younger, but it continues to this day. I never knew when I’d have time to myself or for how long, so I binged the fuck out of what time I had. Even when I want(ed) to clean or organize things, I wouldn’t because it would cut into what leisure time I had. Plus I would get yelled at for doing it wrong or not doing it well enough, so why bother when I could do something else?

Even when I wasn’t enjoying what I was doing, I was still compelled to do it because I never knew when I’d get a chance again.

It wasn’t healthy and I still am stuck with it.

The only time I feel free is when my mother is out of the house for at least a few days. I can do what I want, when I want, how I want and not have to worry about her blowing up at me. I don’t have to worry about dropping everything to cater to her whims, and I don’t have to worry about being criticized for any little thing. I can actually get shit done I’ve wanted to get done forever!

I don’t know if others have similar experiences, but it sucks and just further destroys your self-esteem having stuff that needs to get done – that you want to get done – but can’t because you have to make every moment count when you’re alone, and can’t do it when your mother is there because who knows what kind of storm will blow in when you start.

If I have the house to myself or am staying with someone else (who isn’t family), things instantly change. But otherwise, nope. Because when that’s been your life for how long and was how you survived, it’s hard or impossible to change when you’re stuck living with the person who caused/causes it in the first place.