and breaking my camera


tawny torpedo

“We took a break to reload my cameras and relax. At that point she grabbed my hand and took me on a quick tour of her recently purchased house. When she first saw the house in Brentwood, Marilyn liked it immediately. She liked the simplicity and the privacy of the property as well as the fact that it was not new but had been lived in by a family with small children. It was a small but charming Spanish style house that was built in the nineteen twenties. The family who lived there decided they needed a bigger home where their children could grow. “I didn’t want a house in Beverly Hills, and I didn’t want a ‘Movie Stars Palace’ she said, "I just wanted a small house for me and my friends.” - Allan Grant 


1. I drink too much coffee for someone who needs a step stool to reach the second highest shelves in most kitchens. I vibrate at a higher frequency than most people which means I can keep going and going and going and going until I have a mental break down over losing my camera charger because how I am suppose to capture the world around me. I think I over work myself. I think others would state that is also true but if I stop I’m afraid I’ll never start again.

2. My hands aren’t fun to hold because the skin is raw and red and cracking so you can see my obsession with staying clean from things can could destroy me. Like substance or diseases or people. So I wash my hands twice in the bathroom. I wash my body once, twice, sometimes three times a day if I’m feeling extra anxious. A great date idea for me would be washing our hands together to ease the fear of dying of heartache or something like that.

3. You might say I try too hard which might sound like a insult but to me it means that it’s working. It takes a lot sometimes to try. I am trying everyday to not be all the things I fear of becoming. I am trying not to do all the things I feel like I have to do. I am trying too hard to stay alive.

4.  I am not quirky. When I spill drinks I feel stupid. I don’t like counting the bruises on my legs. I avoid sidewalk cracks because if I step on one someone somewhere might break there back. I still check under my bed for monsters.. I do not like these things about myself. I do not like that I can’t look in mirrors or my hands or that everyone looks at me like they are waiting for the breaking point. I do not like being compared to fragile things because I am not fragile. 

5. If I love you. I will love you with every tick of every clock in my kitchen or on my wrist or my phone. I will love you with every rise and fall of my rib cage. Every stroke of my keyboard. Every letter I type right now. If I love you there is all of me loving you with everything. I don’t think anyone has loved me that way. I am excited to see what it feels like to be loving with both of our hearts pressed together creating something beautiful. 

6.  I hope maybe one day I will be able to understand fully why I am the way I am. Why all these things stated above I want to write out in a nicely lettered list. Why my poetry tends to sound so all over the place, which is why I don’t writing it down with a paper and a pen because I can’t go back and change the ending. I think I’d like to change some endings. I think I’d like to introduce myself to every person I’ve ever exchanged eye contact with. Especially the ones I have held for more than 5 seconds.

—  random things I’ve been thinking

mazikeen934  asked:

Okay I just saw your selfie, and holy, you are beyond beautiful. You have such delicate features and such nice intelligent eyes! (I look into your eyes and the sky's the limit) Now I can imagine the fic based on you as an actual movie and I'm 100% sure Lin wouldn't mind starring in it with you. You and Becca need to collaborate on making that movie. For the greater good.

Oh goodness, thank you for being so kind! You all are much too nice to me! 

The fic is based on a movie, it’s a super cheesy chick flick called What’s Your Number? and it has Chris Evans singing Lionel Richie so I highly recommend it. 

@ourforgottenboleros we’ll need to find someone else to act in this movie because I definitely can’t act at all. 

Dating Youtuber!Michael:

- You are his camera man ALL THE TIME
- “Babe I don’t like this angle.”
- Vlogs all the time
- Him ending up video taping you for hours
- “Isn’t my baby just beautiful you guys?”
- His fans love you
- “Today we’re gonna play this game with Y/N and I’m gonna kick —”
- “So Y/N kicked my ass.”
- Couple tags
- “Just so you guys know Y/N is naked behind the camera.”
- “No, I’m not.”
- “Wish you were.”
- Youtuber friends
- “Babe I love you and all but if you break my camera I’m gonna have to kill you in your sleep.”
- “Hey whatsupp guys today I’m— Y/N what are you doing”
- “Sorry my foot was itchy, I’m filming go ahead.”
- Eye rolls
- Him trying to take to every country he goes
- The “it” youtube couple
- “I’m proud of you Mikey.”
- “It’s all with your help sweetheart.”

But I’m more than just a little curious
How you’re planning to go about
Making your amends to the dead (X)

With my laptop camera breaking, and the general wonkyness it’s starting to exhibit, I think it’s time I started saving up for a new laptop.

(If I opened up commissions, would anyone be interested? Just checking)

I also gotta back all my files up to. *gently thumps head* Don’t forget don’t forget don’t forget. I haven’t really had to do that before, so it’s a little intimidating. I can probably save pictures and such on a flash drive. Maybe an external hard drive won’t even be necessary (although I swear I have one under my bed somewhere. I should look)

Ugh. Updating hardware sucks. Maybe I should just get a proper desktop.