and better

9

Morning routines in the bathroom aka: sometimes you’ve just gotta tell your bro that he’s pretty  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Bonus:

BONUS bonus:

3

@ahglam_ 

I love how matt was running about that building with jess’ scarf wrapped around his head jumping over obstacles and running past the staff and up the stairs looking suspicious af and meanwhile jessica just took the goddamn elevator like a normal person would

Uncoiling All Of My Plans

Context: I dm a group of players in a heavily homebrewed game and we were coming to their characters end of the mission sequence so that they could make new characters and all of that. One of my friends used to play an elven bars that never really did much, but they always collected items that boosted charisma.

They make it to the cave entrance

Me: you come across a large cave entrance and-

Bard: I’m going to start drinking all of my charisma potions as we walk down.

Me: ok go ahead then.

Final fight rolls around:

Me: as you walk into the end of the cave, you are met by… the bones of ancient dragon. You see a woman riding atop the creature, staring down at you all.

Me as Boss: Leave here, retched creatures. You need not know the power that you try to best.

Me OOC: everyone roll initiative

The elven bard gets the highest initiative.

Bard: Why leave now when I’m struck by your everlasting beauty?

Bard OOC: and I say that to seduce her

Me OOC: I mean if you want to… roll everything plus those potions you’ve been drinking. How many of those did you have?

Bard: 287…

Me: *wideyed* what?

Bard: yeah… plus I have all my charisma gear… my whole armor set is dedicated to boosting my charisma…

After a solid minute or rolling all of his die

Bard: the final score comes down to… 363

Me: I still have to roll a check to see if she defeats that score…

*rolls Nat 1*

Me: YOU CHARISMATIC ELVEN SON OF A GNOMISH WHORE!!!!

Long story short, they married and had 8 children…