and because you don't seem to understand what you should feel guilty about

anonymous asked:

(rape tw) Can you explain why you don't think HIV+ people have a moral responsibility to tell potential partners their status, if that is indeed your position? I understand that if they have an undetectable viral load and they practice safer sex, the risk of transmission is very low, but it still exists, no? I'm just trying to understand. I have HPV and I feel guilty for not telling the man who raped me beforehand, and that's not even a potentially fatal illness, just an inconvenience. (1/2)

(2/2) I want to support HIV+ people and not make their lives harder, but I’m having a really hard time with this perspective from an ethical standpoint.

(anon sorry, i answered this but forgot it in my drafts)

anon, i’m not really sure where this is coming from since i haven’t posted about this in a while [since this came in before my other post got resurrected] but i’ll try to explain (and forgive me, this got so damn long but i’m quite swamped lately and have no time to edit)

i don’t think i’ve said that there’s no responsibility to disclose, and i wonder what made you think i did, but the main point i want to get across is that it doesn’t really matter what i think about the morality of nondisclosure in any given situation — what matters is whether i think it should be a serious crime. this is a separate question because the law isn’t about morality, in this case it should be about public health.

and these laws are a resounding failure from a public health perspective, especially since as written they penalize testing and usually completely fail to take into account the risk level of the activity (including condom use) or even whether transmission actually occurred (even when the charge is “criminal transmission”!). these laws were born out of stigma, not science or real ethics. but you don’t have to take my word for it; this is the accepted position among HIV/AIDS and sexual health advocacy organizations, and even the CDC is recommending that they be reviewed. i really recommend reading what these organizations have to say about it. from a quick search UNAIDS’s policy brief (pdf) seems pretty good and clear but there is much more out there.

i’m so sorry about what happened to you and i want to know that you’re not at fault at all. no rape survivor is at fault for their rape or for the consequences of the rape for the rapist. he chose to do that to you, and he accepted the risks that came with that. that is entirely on him!

i think a major problem with the debate about disclosure is that, as the UNAIDS brief says, it “places […] responsibility for HIV prevention exclusively on those already living with HIV and dilutes the public health message of shared responsibility for sexual health between sexual partners.” this applies to other STIs as well. we all have to take responsibility for our own sexual health, at least when it comes to acts we consented to.

even if it may seem to make sense on a moral level, placing the entire responsibility on people who know they’re positive for HIV or any other infection just doesn’t work. there will always be people who don’t know their status or can’t know their status for sure because they were exposed too recently. these people can’t disclose, yet if they are HIV+ they pose a much greater transmission risk than people who know they’re positive because they can’t possibly be accessing treatment, because transmission risk is highest in the acute infection stage when they’ve first contracted HIV, and because they’re less likely to be taking the additional safer sex precautions that they’d take if they knew.

there is still a profound stigma against people living with HIV and other STIs. when we’re influenced by this stigma, we’re likely to focus on finding someone to blame for transmission (or even the possibility of transmission). when we reject the stigma, we can focus on effective methods of prevention which involve helping everyone accurately judge their risk level and make informed choices to protect themselves.

you mention that safer sex with someone with an undetectable viral load is very low-risk (so low-risk, in fact, that i don’t think there’s ever been a documented case of transmission under these circumstances) but that any risk is too much. it’s fine if you feel that way; you set your own boundaries. but sex with someone who doesn’t know their status is much riskier. so is it morally permissible not to disclose to your partners that you don’t know your status? and should not disclosing that be a crime?

i don’t think most people think so, or they haven’t thought about it. to a lot of people, not knowing their status is normal, because their sexual choices are governed by assumptions: they assume that they are negative, for HIV, HSV, etc., and they assume that everyone they have sex with is negative, unless they say otherwise. they assume this partly because of lack of education, and partly because of stigma. we think of people with STIs as dirty, reckless, less than virtuous. we don’t want to think of ourselves or the people we’re intimate with that way. but of course, people with STIs are not those things — having an STI is an entirely morally neutral characteristic of a person. and these assumptions about ourselves and others aren’t sound. they are actually an obstacle to STI prevention.

so these debates trouble me because they obscure the fact that the best practice for everyone is to get tested regularly, disclose what you know about your status (including whether you know it!), and ask about your partner’s status, making it clear that it’s safe for them to be honest. and when we place all responsibility on people who know they’re positive, we validate our assumptions that everyone is negative, but we have to challenge those assumptions if we want to protect ourselves and each other. we have to acknowledge that when we decide to have sex based on the assumption that our partner must be negative, we are taking a risk. even in a world where everyone who knows they’re positive disclosed — and i believe most do — this would be a risk.

the sooner we can accept this and reject stigma, the sooner we can take steps toward more honest and open communication in our sexual lives and make healthy, fully informed choices, the sooner we can stop the spread of HIV.

Life in a cult - personal experience

The cult:

The leaders of the cult or Elders were to believe to be very unique and special souls incarnated in a human body. They claimed to be older than the universe itself, therefore very wise. They claimed to have unusual and mighty supernatural powers as reading in individual’s mind, emotions, past and future. They presented themselves as teachers and mentors in occult and ordinary life, too.

The cult didn’t have any name. It was an union of people that took Elders as their mentors, teachers and believed they‘re chosen ones.

The cult was partially engaged in an occult field, esoteric field, health care, mental care and apocalyptic precognitions field.

The Elders also owned a company that made profits from esoteric or occult lectures and teachings.

My experiences:

Guilt tripping

Everything was my fault. Was I sick? My fault, because I didn’t manage to keep my energies in check. Something bad happened to me? My fault, because I let outside energies influence me, I didn’t keep my „shield“ in check. Did I fail in something? My fault, because I didn’t try enough, I didn’t use my whole potential, my will wasn’t strong enough.

Negative feelings

Negative feelings were a sign saying that I was weak. Being angry, feeling disdain towards someone or something was said to be only my low mindset, my unacceptance of the Truth.

Being above good and evil

I was taught that as Higher Beings we were, or were trying to be, we have to think and feel as we are above Good and Evil. Many times, I was a witness of Mr. B and others doing horrible things in the name of Higher Power, Higher Will. And of course, I was doing the same. Everything that the elders and we did was justified, no matter how harsh or harmful it was.

Superiority and Elitism

All of us were told we are special and we have some supernatural powers, that they know how to unlock and teach us how to use those powers. We were told our souls were superior to others. We used to refer to „average“ people as monkeys - stupid monkeys not realizing and knowing the Truth.

Lowered self-esteem

I was drowning in the constant feeling of not being good enough. Wise enough. Skilled enough.

Elders know everything

We were made to believe that elders know everything. They know about your past and your future. They know what you feel and think. They know when you lie and when you really mean something. It felt as if they know you more than you know yourself. Most of us would ask them for advice about our lives, because we felt like they had the right answer. Like they really knew what was the right thing to do.

There always was an answer for everything

They had an answer to every question you might have had. These questions were answered within the belief of the Truth.

This is the only right way to live

They made you believe that this is the only right way to live and without it, you’d end up having schizophrenia, cancer, depression, anxiety and many more specific troubles, such as being alone, possessed by demons, committing suicide or being killed.

Families and bonds

We were taught that there is no bond between family members and family means nothing. We were told that we had to pick people and form a „family“ with them. Of course, we had to pick these people from within the cult.

Forced advices

The Elders always have some advice for you in their sleeves. Advices about work life, family, health problems, financial situation, etc. It covered every part of your life, they always had something to say about it. If you didn’t listen to their advice and didn’t do as they said, you don’t appreciate what they do for you, you don’t appreciate their time that they spend on you. We were told that the next time, they wouldn’t help us if we needed help. They basically forced you to do as they say.

Questioning the Truth

Questioning their teachings, the Truth did always result in group ridicule of the individual, guilt tripping, mocking, emotionally threating with what my happen if you betray „the only right way to live“.

Emptiness inside

I was taught not to have any dreams, any desires, any wishes. I was taught to be just a tool for „the Higher Power, Higher Will.“

Fear

I was living in a constant fear of what might have happen if I wouldn’t live as they say. I was afraid of their supernatural powers they supposedly possessed. I was scared of the connection they had with the „outside“ world and that they could easily ruin my life. I believed they could make me sick, they could manipulate the reality so I’d for example lose my job, etc.

Controlled introspections

One of the many things we were forced to do was an introspection. For example, we had to write down all our negative and positive personal traits, at any time the Elder wanted. For some of us, it was really difficult to write down the positive ones, because of the low self-esteem they forced us to have. I remember that for a few times I didn’t write down any of my good traits and I was mocked because I failed in another task.

The Ego corruption

They constantly forcefully tried to break our egos. They used to often ask us „Who are you?“ but they mocked and ridiculed every thinkable answer we gave them. We were taught not to have an ego, not to feel ourselves as a person that has valid emotions and valid opinions.

Seeing their influence

Before I realized that I was brainwashed, I used to see their influence everywhere around. They claimed to have worked with/for police, politicians, corporations and even celebrities. They wanted us to see how powerful they were and they used everything they could to support their claims.

The world outside is evil

We were taught that the world outside is full of evil people, demons, etc. They made it seem like only with them we could be safe. When someone said something negative about us, they used manipulation to make them seem as manipulators, liars, under evil influence, mentally ill or just stupid average „monkeys“.

Expecting to attend group activities

We were often invited to attend group occult or esoteric activities which were supposed to help us grow and understand ourselves. When I refused, I was told that I really needed it and if I wouldn’t participate, I could end up mentally ill, physically ill or even dead. I was told that I was already too far and there was no going back. I was also accused of being selfish, spiritually dirty and doomed.

Being constantly confused

The Truth was presented as something we can’t understand while we’re on our path of spiritual growing. At the same time we were told that the Truth is within ourselves and we should be able to feel it and know it.

Against all influences

We were told that things like alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana, birth control pills, antidepressants and any other psychiatric pills are bad for our spiritual growing. We were taught that the glass of wine can lead us away from our path by making changes in our thinking and energies.

Honesty times

We used to have Honesty times regularly. They used to sit with us individually and in something that was called „discussion“ they pointed out your every failure, your every weak moment, your every mistake you made or currently making or will make on your journey. They analyzed every part of your soul, your every thought and feeling. I was told that they do that for my own good, for my better growth.

The system of falling negativity

The more negative emotions we have to secretly keep inside and tried to suppress, the more open we were to act as Elders did. I found myself doing Honesty times with new comers, making them scared and feeling low, failing in everything and guilty.

Reaching the Nirvana

We were made to believe that with the Truth we could be completely at peace with the universe.

Paranoid thinking

They made us believe, because we were all special individuals, that we were nonstop in danger. They made us believe we couldn’t trust anyone, there were people and forces that always tried to attack us, to ruin our lives and corrupt us. We were always on guard.

What the cult experience left me with

  • -          Trust issues
  • -          Low self-esteem
  • -          Empty visions of future
  • -          Panic attacks
  • -          Dissociative states
  • -          Dull emotions
  • -          Feeling constant guilt
  • -          Feeling constant fear
  • -          Shame
  • -          Paranoid thoughts
  • -          Doubts about my choices
  • -          Loneliness and isolation feeling
  • -          Avoiding socialization
  • -          Distrust in society
  • -          Fear of joining any other group of interest
  • -          Impossibility having dreams, desires and wishes
  • -          Difficulty rebuilding family relationships
  • -          Fear of their wrath
  • -          Fear of constant present of evil
  • -          Fear of going insane
  • -          Avoiding situations that might remind me of the experience
  • -          Inability to relax
  • -          Problem with having any kind of relationship
  • -          Changed personality traits
  • -          Inability to remember a part of the cult experience
  • -          Memory problems
  • -          Feeling detached from others
  • -          Inability to understand personal boundaries
  • -          Inability to make decisions
  • -          Fear of openness
  • -          Overtrusting people that remind the former cult members

What happened to me after I left and how I feel now?

There were threats. There was the constant fear for my life, for my sanity. I had to burn bridges and cut connection with almost everyone I knew, to be able to heal. I moved away, I didn’t tell anyone my current address, phone number, email and I deleted my facebook account.

It took me about a year to start thinking for myself again, to start having opinions again. Slowly, I’m learning to have dreams and desires again. I learned how to relax more and how to not be so scared and nervous all the time. I don’t feel guilty or ashamed anymore. I’m learning how to trust people again and how to stop overtrust those who remind me of Elders with their way of talking and thinking. I’m learning how to stop compensate my low-esteem by being too open to men. I started to have hobbies again and I started to believe in myself more. I still can’t think about my future, I still feel detached from others… and more. I still have some work to do.

paleclaw  asked:

Do you have any advice or tips for solo animators (students, hobbyists, freelancers, etc.)? Especially when it comes to workflow and how to get things done in a timely manner when you don't have a whole team to help you animate?

Hey there! Sorry I haven’t been able to get this sooner - I’ve been very occupied in my work lately.

I totally understand where you’re coming from though. Its hard to get a lot of work done in a timely manner by yourself when you’re pretty much your own boss. I suffer from this still, and from my experience - I do have thoughts to share. I’m going to talk about both freelance work, and doing personal work.
So here are my top advices on being professionally independent!


1. Set yourself a deadline, use special events as reference
Set a day on when you want/need to finish a certain project. A lot of my friends use events, conventions, and exhibitions as deadline placeholders for their own work. My former mentor and teacher uses things like CTNx to showcase a 2D project he’s been working on so that he can garner thoughts, reviews, and get people interested to help fund future projects. Trust me, when its set on a special day, there’s more reason to finish the work you set yourself to.


2. Organize yourself  workbook with a calender, a check list and notes
Now that I think about it, I would not have been able to complete my previous shorts without setting myself a calender. You can make yourself a physical book (or an online excel) with a calender, and a checklist of things needed to finish during that day/week/month. Start crossing out the days that go by, and see if you are able to manage your goals. If you don’t make the quota, then its probably time to start thinking of ways to limit the work put into the next shots. That leads to my next point.



3. Understand your limitations, prioritize important parts
In a lot of my animated work, there are shots that have high production value, and some that looked like it was clearly rushed. If your client gives you a sequence to animate, start thinking about shots that scream high quality, and then place the shots that don’t seem too important later on the list. For example, you might want to give yourself more time for a shot you feel will be highly difficult, and then less time for shots that can easily be done by you. If you’re still unsure about how to organize this, talk to your client and ask what parts of the animation do they want to have the best quality, so you can start thinking about prioritizing certain shots.


4. Do a pipeline test. Record notes and assess future problems and difficulties.

Depending on what your client asks for, you still need to do a pipeline test to see all the necessary steps you’ll be tackling in the future. Some clients will ask you to do from roughts to the final colors, or some will ask for rough animation only. The reason why pipeline tests exist is to see what future problems you’ll encounter. You should also record how long each step takes; how long it takes you to do certain footage of animation, so when you do plan your quota for the following days - you have a better idea in how to set it up.


5. Constantly check in with your client

If you’re lucky, you might get a client who is very hands on and is constantly checking up on you. This is good because its a good motivator to actually get work done! You’ll have more things work in progresses to show, and they can give feedback. It gives them a clear idea of the overall progress, so they have a better understanding on how long the work usually takes. You guys could also form some suggestions for future obstacles in the work.


6. Gather peers you trust and set up a frequent meet-up to show and share work

This mostly helps if you are doing your own personal work, but when its a project that is entirely under your control: its easy just to chill out and relax (I am highly guilty of this.) Some people can work on their own projects - and not show it to the world; whereas I constantly need to show work to my peers to keep me motivated. I’m the type of person who needs to get feedback and encouragement on continuing a project, so I’ve been showing people I really trust some things I’ve been doing on the side. This also helps keep you working on the project time to time.

7. If all still fails, hire yourself a production manager/personal producer/agent

The top advice I get when thinking about running a production is to hire a production assistant/personal producer/agent. A production assistant should be able to understand the overall process of the animation workflow, and should help you set up a schedule for it. They’ll also be able to organize meetings between your client and/or a team if you do decide to hire that extra work force - because hey; artists dealing with things like organizing conferences, time tables and budget handling is just too much. This can be highly time efficient for you, since you can just focus on the production side of things, while someone else handles the more “business” side of things.

anonymous asked:

I have a TFLN request for you, if you don't mind, where the missus gets horrible comments on her insecurities from fans and Anne texts Harry about it because the missus feels too embarrassed or something? Also, I love your content, keep up the marvellous work. X

Harry. Anne.

(YN)’s okay, right? And the baby? They’re both alright?

They’re fine, sweetheart. What makes you think they aren’t?

(YN)’s not answering her phone. She won’t respond to my messages. I worried that something happened to them. I know you were and are with her today so I was just checking in with you.

She’s fine, unless she’s hiding anything from me. I promise, H. She’s giving Persephone a quick bath and then we’re going to settle with some Chinese food and a few films. Gemma’s popping over since Michal’s away so we’re spending some time as the ladies.

I’m just worried, Mum.

She usually texts me when Persephone’s eating but I got nothing at all today… Not even a good morning text.

Harry, sweetheart. She’s a new mum. She’s probably just very exhausted and tired and she can’t comprehend anything.

Are you sure she’s not hiding anything?

Not that I know of.

If she seems different tonight, then, I’ll let you know, H. I promise you.

Okay.

Can you get her to call me too? I want to talk to her about coming home and taking a few months off work to stay with her and P. The baby’s only a few weeks and I should be there to help; not away for meetings.

Hey, this meeting in Los Angeles is understandable. We know. (YN) knows, as well. And Persephone will understand when she’s older.

I feel guilty. I missed her first smile, you know? Next thing you know, I’ll be missing her crawl.

Don’t be silly, sweetheart. You’ll be here for that, I know it.

You think?

Definitely. 

I’ll let you have fun tonight. Just, get her to call me before she goes to bed.

Of course I will.

Give my love to them both.

Of course.

I love you, too.

I love you too, sweetheart. Have fun today. x

..

.

I think I know the reason.

What is it?

She hasn’t eaten anything at all tonight. She let me and Gem order a whole lot from the menu, saying she’ll pick at anything that’s there, but, she didn’t eat, Harry.

When she popped to the toilet, Gemma filled me in. People have been commenting on her weight now that she’s just had a baby. She was papped the other day, yeah?

Yeah, yeah. They took me to the airport and sat with me for a bit whilst I waited for the jet.

What are they saying?

I don’t know. I haven’t looked. And Gemma said it was too appalling to look at.

This is the last thing she needs.

She’s only just become more confident in herself. She got a little more depressed near the end of the pregnancy because she realised she was going to have stretch marks and scars but she only recently realised that it was all worth it because we had a beautiful baby as the result.

Mum… You don’t think… She’ll go into post partum?

Sweetheart, don’t think like that, okay? She’s been so happy and bonding with the baby so I don’t think it’s post partum. Me and Gem will talk to her, and, hopefully make her see that it’s completely normal for pregnant women to look full.

She isn’t, Mum.

She’s perfect.

Make sure she knows.

I do, Mum. I tell her every single day.

She’ll be okay, sweetheart. It’s not post partum.

She’s just afraid to tell you.

Why?

She doesn’t want you to see her in a different way.

I wouldn’t… Mum, I wouldn’t!

She’s going to give you a call now, okay?

I’m going to stay with Gem for the night and then come back tomorrow. I think you both need to talk about this and talk things through. x

anonymous asked:

Sorry this might be long but I just want to vent to someone. I understand that some people not like sjm's books for various reasons (mostly the lack of representation), but what I don't get is that there's an actual fandom of anti-s*j*m. Never before have i ever seen an actual fandom of people who are anti anything, or blogs solely dedicated to hating someone's work. Authors are human too. (1/2)

Just compare her to JKR. She had 7 books in her series and as far as I can remember there’s one, maybe 2, canon black characters throughout the series, and theyre hardly seen, and I’ve never seen an anti-jkr fandom or blogs only dedicated to hating her work. I just don’t understand why anyone would make a blog dedicated to hating a person. These people are human. (2/2)

I understand what you’re saying. SJM is hardly the only example of a book that has bad PoC representation, and few prominent LGBTQ characters. But for some reason, her work inspires anti blogs whereas other books, that have the same issues don’t. It’s something that has struck me as odd as well. 

That’s not to say that reading with a critical eye is not important. It really is, and we definitely do need to be demanding more from authors in terms of good rep. (I know this might seem contradictory to my whole “i read for enjoyment” thing but I’ll get to that in a second.”) What bothers me about antis is that they…build this entire identity for themselves that is based around hating something? And I don’t think hatred is the best emotion to have when going into critiquing something. 

Similarly, it’s not as if antis are these people who just disliked a plot line or something in an SJM book and put the series down. No, they are clearly people who have read all the books, and keep reading them, and in some way are actively participating in the fandom. That’s what I don’t get. I respect anyone’s reason for not enjoying Sarah’s books- not every book is for everyone, and I can easily see how someone might read Nehemia’s death in CoM, roll their eyes because of how utterly offensive and badly plotted it is and then put the books down forever. And I respect that. What I don’t understand about the anti mentality is that they keep coming back, and reading, and engaging. There is of course room for posts about why we don’t like a certain book, I’ve obviously hated books before too and I’ve definitely complained about things. So when I say anti i really dont mean people who just criticize the things they disliked in acowar or something, I really just mean people who have an entire blog dedicated to hating something. But in order to keep that blog fueled with hatred they have to keep reading the thing they hate and it’s like…wow almost as if you even enjoy that thing???

It’s almost as if engaging in anti discourse is how they make themselves feel better for enjoying portions of this problematic thing? And that’s why I’m a big proponent of reading whatever you want for enjoyment—you should be able to enjoy whatever it is you enjoy without feeling badly about it. Because frankly, no book you read is going to be “unproblematic” in some way and no book is going to be perfect and without valid criticism. It’s almost as if antis enjoy SJM’s books in some ways, but feel guilty for enjoying it, so in order to cope with that guilt, they trash her for everything, and anything. For instance, I adore LOTR, and am not going to feel guilty for enjoying it, but I also acknowledge that the way Tolkien handles people of color (namely by making them orcs…) is shit and racist and not something that we should ever see in any fantasy novel again. You can…enjoy something and also know that it has problems. My blog is generally geared towards focusing on the things about books that I enjoy, because Idk, I got tired of all the hate after acowar, and am finally reemerging into the sphere of critical discourse. 

I also think that the anti mentality comes from people enjoying these books, then going on tumblr and seeing what other people have to say that is negative, and then thinking oH SHIT I NEED TO HATE THESE BOOKS TOO. Except…you enjoyed them for a reason, and you can’t…get rid of that enjoyment, all you can do is say “hey well there are some not so great things about these books and here’s why.” 

You shouldn’t…blindly hate someone for writing things in a way that you dislike. SJM has creative license and it’s seriously not up to us what happens in the book. I’m not talking about people with valid critiques of how she handles marginalized characters, I’m talking about the antis who HATE how Chaol and Aelin were written, who dislike the way characters develop, who want to burn SJM at the stake for DARING to write characters who don’t act perfectly all of the time. That’s the anti shit that really pisses me off. You can be critical all you want, and call out the things that need to be called out but…you don’t really have a leg to stand on if your discourse starts with “I can’t BELIEVE how she wrote Celaena’s character after CoM, Aelin is the fucking worst, I’m pretending that Aelin doesn’t exist.” I mean whatever, sure, but ultimately people do need to realize that authors get to make their own choices about how their characters developed and uh…whats in the book is ultimately who the character *actually* is and it’s not always going to line up with who the readers thought the character was but…um, sorry? That happens. And yes you’re allowed to be dissatisfied with a character but if you hate her that much, put the book down??? 

Finally, I think that SJM’s books inspire anti-ness because they are so so SO dramatic as to be polarizing. She’s constantly taking tropes (like the bad boy turned hero) and stretching them to the extreme. She is constantly beating her characters down and heaping trauma on them. There are a lot of *gasp* moments in tog and acotar. A lot of crying. A lot of screaming moments as well. And…while someone like me LIVES L I V E S for drama, a lot of people react negatively to it in the extreme. The books are polarizing because they are laden with emotion and melodrama and that doesnt work for everyone.

tldr; actual critical discussions of sjm are great and we should acknowledge the problems in her books especially in terms of marginalized characters. idk why there is an entire portion of this website dedicated to hating her, but i tried to give you some pseudo-psychological explanations for it. 

Couldn’t hate you if I tried

I combined two prompts for this:

(…)  one of the guys mentions that someone saw the Noora kiss and Sana is there in the room doing something when they say this (…)

(…)  sana getting angry about the kiss …  a proper conversation about it with yousef (…)

—————————————————————————————————–

Helping the boys with their YouTube videos has become a weekly thing for Sana. They always ask her to be behind the camera to ask them stuff, be the referee in a game or whatever else they need in that moment. She agrees to help most of the times. Sana likes helping where she can and that a certain boy she has been spending a lot of time with lately is there too doesn’t hurt.

It has become so normal for Sana to be there when they are filming that they sometimes lose every filter they had around her before, which honestly was never too much.

That’s how Sana finds herself looking through the pictures the boys had printed out for her to randomly give those to them for a game they made up and hearing something that makes her gut sink.

“Dude, I heard that you had a bit more fun than we did at the karaoke party a few weeks ago. Kissing that cute blonde girl. What’s her name? Noora.”, Adam mentions casually.

He’s almost lying on the couch; Mikael next to him, leaning on Adam’s propped up knees. Elias and Yousef are sitting on the ground and Mutta on the armrest of the couch. 

Sana’s head snaps up, she feels herself getting overwhelmed for a second. Now she knows what really happened that day but in that moment she was so hurt and felt so stupid to have let herself fall for a guy that kissed one of her best friends. All the hurt comes crashing down on her again. 

Yousef’s head immediately snaps into Sana’s direction and she quickly looks down on the pictures again. Yousef wonders if she heard that. He did not have the guts to tell her about it yet but he planned on doing it. She had to know, he didn’t want to keep anything from her but this was not how he imagined telling her. 

He gulps uncomfortably and shifts in his seat. The four other boys all look at him, expecting an answer. Mostly Elias. Didn’t Yousef have a crush on his sister? Didn’t his sister have a crush on him?

Elias looks behind him and sees Sana flipping through the pictures, looking like she doesn’t listen.

“What? Who said that?”, Yousef manages to say. It’s all he can say because he’s panicking. 

Adam just shrugs. “A friend.”

“You have other friends than us?”, Mutta says laughingly, sensing the tension in Yousef’s voice and trying to stay clear of whatever Adam is talking about. 

Adam rolls his eyes and laughs but all eyes end up on Yousef again.

Elias, who is confused why he didn’t know about this sooner, being Yousef’s best friend and all, gets annoyed. He was so sure Yousef had a thing for his sister and he accepted that because he doesn’t know anyone who’d be better to his sister than Yousef but what is this supposed to mean? Yousef didn’t say it wasn’t true.

While Yousef gets more nervous, so does Sana. She is still standing behind the camera which is not rolling yet but now has her phone in her hand to act like she is not listening. 

Elias can’t stop himself from looking at his sister once more. He was sure that these two had feelings for each other. So sure that he might have made them go to the store together a few times when he ‘didn’t feel like going himself’.

“So you’re with Noora now?”, Elias asks, keeping his voice steady.

Mutta, who was the one trying to make this topic go away before, starts talking without thinking: “I thought you like…”, and gets kicked by Mikael. 

He looks at Mikael with a confused look and only understands what he means when Mikael widens his eyes and subtly nods towards Yousef and then at Sana, hoping Mutta understand.

“No, no, no. I’m not .. not with Noora. Not at all.”, Yousef stammers out. Why is this happening with Sana in the room? He doesn’t dare to look back at her. She probably hates him now. He doesn’t want her to hate him.

Elias tilts his head and after figuring out that Sana is only acting like she is not listening and Yousef freaking out more than usual with these kind of topics, understands what’s going on. Or at least thinks he does. Doesn’t keep him from using this opportunity, though.

“I didn’t think you are one to casually hook up with people.”, Elias says, crossing his arms over his chest and raising his eyebrows.

This intrigues Sana and she looks up from her phone. Yousef is sitting with his back to Sana but she can see him tense up, his back straightening.

He shakes his head furiously. His heart racing with panic. Now he can’t control himself and looks towards Sana.

“No, no. I did not. That’s not how it was. She just jumped on me. I don’t… I feel..”

Yousef rambles, stumbling over his words. 
Adam and Mikael share a knowing look. They knew that he liked Sana so that’s why they were so surprised to hear he had made out with Noora at that party. Well, they were surprised that he kissed anyone in the middle of the karaoke bar, because that’s not how he is. And seeing him freak out this much about that kiss, trying to explain himself and looking over to Sana guilty … it explains it.  They understand what happened and apparently so did Elias who now just likes torturing Yousef.

“So you’re not with Noora?”, Elias asks with a very distinct tone. He’s challenging Yousef.

At this Sana smiles to herself. She knows he isn’t. She read those texts he sent to Noora. Even though Sana thinks it’s ridiculous that Yousef was so nervous about the possibility of Sana not liking him while she was freaking out about him being with Noora, she can’t deny that she enjoyed reading what he texted Noora about his feelings for Sana.

And the time Sana spent with Yousef in the past days makes Sana feel sure that he is not with someone else.

“Of course not!”, Yousef almost shouts.

Mutta jumps in his seat at Yousef’s voice getting loud out of nowhere.

“I’m with someone else… no, I’m not. I am kind of… it’s…. I’m not with Noora!”, Yousef finally calls out.

The four other boys share a look and all of them look at Sana. When she notices them looking at her she quickly looks down on her phone and acts like she’s typing.

The boys don’t stop looking at her, while Yousef just looks down on his hands trying to collect himself. He doesn’t like this. Sana should not think badly of him. He knows he messed up. He should have never let it happen. 

“Just call me when you’re actually filming.”, Sana says when she can’t bear the looks anymore. She puts down the pictures and quickly walks out of the room and then out of the flat. 

She needs air. 

Sana knows that Noora was hurt that day. Sana also knows that Noora was the one to kiss Yousef and she knows that it didn’t mean anything to either of them. 

Then why do all these feelings of hurt and disappointment rise in her chest again? 

She tries to take deep breaths. Getting overwhelmed like on that dreadful day won’t do any good now. Her relationship with Yousef … however it might be defined… is going great. That’s all that matters. 

Walking up and down her backyard doesn’t help making the uneasy feeling go away so she goes to sit on the swing.

“Can I join you?”, Sana hears. She had been staring at the ground, trying to forget what she was thinking about. Didn’t work. Especially now that he is standing in front of her.

Sana looks up and musters up a small smile. “Of course.”

Yousef sits down on the swing next to her. A few moments they just swing back and forth a bit. Sana presses her lips together and hopes he doesn’t start talking about the thing. She really doesn’t need that right now.

Of course, she is wrong. He wouldn’t have come out here looking so guilty, not being able to look her in the eyes, if he didn’t want to talk about that. 

“Okay, I don’t know how to start this. So I’m just going to start and hope you don’t hate me too much.”, Yousef says but Sana still doesn’t look at him. “I messed up. And I know I should have told you sooner and I get it if you’re mad, you have the right to be. But I am really sorry. I regretted it as soon as it happened.”

Still not looking up at him, swinging pushing herself back and forth with her feet, Sana answers: “I knew already. Before today. Don’t worry about it.”

Sana just wants this topic to be over. She has spent a lot of time getting over it. When it happened Yousef was not with Sana, technically he still is not. When it  happened they had only spend little time together and he was free to do whatever he wanted to with whoever he wanted. At least that’s what Sana had told herself.

Yousef’s head snaps towards Sana, his eyes wide and a very confused face on his face. “How? Why didn’t you say anything then? I just … ”

Sana sighs. “Adam’s friend saw you, might not have been the only one, don’t you think.”

“Oh my god, Sana. I’m so sorry. I …”

Now Sana snaps. “Yousef, it’s fine. Let it be.” She really doesn’t want to talk about this.

Yousef can clearly hear the annoyance in her voice and she seems angry at him. No wonder, Yousef thinks. She has every right to. He messed up. Big time.

“Sana, I really am sorry.”, Yousef almost whispers but it moves something in Sana. 

Finally she looks at him but not with that cute look Yousef usually receives from her. She looks at him with fire in her eyes while simultaneously looking hurt. 

“Then why did you do it?”, Sana exclaims louder than she intended to but she could not control it then and there. 

He should have left it. She got over it. She had worked to get over it. He should have just let her be. 

After her outburst Sana is too embarrassed to look at him. Shouting at him is not the way to go.

From the corner of her eye Sana sees Yousef stand up from the swing. Great, he’ll leave her alone. At the same time she feels disappointed that he leaves without giving her an answer. She shuts her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. Calm down, she tells herself, it’s all fine.

“Sana.”, she hears the all too familiar voice that makes her look up.

Yousef is crouching in front of her, waiting for her to look at him. 

Sana notices how overwhelmed and nervous he looks but she doesn’t say anything. She just bites on her lip and waits.

“Will you listen to me if I tell you now? If you don’t want to and want me to go I’ll do that. It’s your call.”

She doesn’t think about it. The words leave her mouth quickly. “Tell me.”

Yousef takes a deep breath and thinks. How does he communicate the mess that was in his head that day? He just starts talking, in the hope that Sana will not hate him too much after he is done.

“Okay. That day at the karaoke bar … I don’t even know how it happened. I was so excited to come there because Elias had told me that you specially asked for me to come. I was over the moon. Especially after I saw that you deleted me as a friend from Facebook and all the hot and cold behaviour. And I’m in no way saying you are to blame for anything, you’re not. I did what I did and I shouldn’t have and I messed up big time.”, he gets side-tracked. “But when we got there and the first thing I saw was Even standing on that stage and singing. I thought the only reason why you wanted me there was for me and the boys to see Even again. After I told you about what happened and how it affected me, not long before. I was just so confused. I thought you didn’t like me the way I like you and on top of that your friend, Even’s boyfriend, punched Mikael and I got overwhelmed. So when Noora looked so upset I stopped to ask what happened. She is your friend, after all. And when … she kissed me I .. I don’t know. I felt like I didn’t have anything, anyone to lose because you didn’t like me anyway. And I know it doesn’t make it better but as soon as I realized what was really happening I stopped it, I ran off. And I really get it if you hate me now. If you don’t want to .. continue whatever we have.”

Looking at Sana while trying to explain is impossible to Yousef. All that guilt comes crashing down on him again. While spending time with Sana so much he completely forgot about that. Now, when he sees Sana’s reaction he feels even worse than right after.

Yousef finally gathers the strength to look at Sana. He doesn’t want to see her disappointed look. His eyes meet hers and he forgets how to breathe. She doesn’t reveal anything of what she thinks or feels with her look but there is something that makes Yousef take a sharp breath.

“I don’t hate you, Yousef.” Sana’s eyes soften just a little. “I couldn’t if I tried to.”, she whispers. 

Yousef hears that. His eyes widen and he feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. Sana not hating him is all he needed to know now. Everything else can be dealt with. 

“Thank you.”, Yousef blurts out.

Sana furrows her eyebrows in confusion. “For what?”

“For not hating me.”, Yousef answers.

Sana can’t believe him. He really makes her laugh now. She rolls her eyes at him but can’t stop laughing. She didn’t realize it but that’s what she needed now: laughing.

Yousef joins her; it’s impossible not to laugh when Sana does.

“Hey!”, both of them hear being shouted and turn to the source of the voice.

Elias, Adam, Mutta and Mikael are at the window, looking down at Sana and Yousef. They are lined up like you’d see it in a movie. Elias at the edge of the windowsill, on the far left. Adam leans on Elias’ back and trying to look past him. Mikael tries to get a look from under Adam’s arm because Adam takes more space than he needs. Mutta is taller than all of them so he just leans over their heads but leans so far out the window that he might fall.

“Please tell me you’re not proposing right now. It’s a bit early.”, Elias shouts from the window.

Yousef is still crouching in front of Sana but had to rest one knee on the ground after being in that position for so long. Looking down at himself, Yousef realizes what Elias means and stands up. One day, but not today.

“Come back inside. We need to film!”, Adam shouts. “And Sana, I need your science knowledge to back me up here.”

Sana stands up and falls into step next to Yousef. She hears the boys argue inside.

“You’re wrong!”, Sana hears Mikael shout.

“I’m right! Sana will back me up on this!”, Adam shouts and Sana doesn’t need to see them to know what this situation looks like.

No matter what happens she has these guys that are always at her home to cheer her up.

Don’t Stress (E2-Harrison x Reader) Imagines [PART II]

Imagine:
It’s been days since you told Harry about your pregnancy, and he’s been avoiding you since. Just being away from him causes you a lot of stress - mentally, emotionally and physically - so Jesse decides to do something about it…

Tags: @a-hero-complex @thekaitj @itsrebeca @toofulloflove @srawells @agirlinherhead @psychoticutopia @random-fandom-lady

*~*~*~*~*

There was a knock on the door.

Setting down the wrench and grabbing a rag, you wiped your hands clean and peeked over the edge of the Speed Lab’s Command Center. There, standing in the doorway, dressed in a flowy blue shirt, black skirt and a red cardigan, was Jesse Wells.

You couldn’t help but smile.

Jesse had been one of the sweetest and most talented girls you’ve ever met. She’s always been supportive of you and Harry’s relationship, which was a definite plus for you.

Especially these past few days when she noticed a change in communication with her dad. As far as you could tell, she didn’t know what you two were arguing about and - really - you’d rather keep it that way.

A part of you feared that you wouldn’t know how else to react if she ended up hating you too.

“Hey,” you greeted, walking towards her. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” she shrugged. “I just wanted to see if you needed help with maintenance.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You have a degree in electrical engineering?”

“Who doesn’t?” She asked.

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Tano and Kenobi: Tatooine

Previously on Tano and Kenobi…

Desperately fleeing the relentless pursuit of the bounty hunters sent by Culling Blade, Ahsoka Tano and Obi-Wan Kenobi have fled with the Duchess of Mandalore, Satine Kryze, across the Outer Rim. Out of time and with nowhere else to run, Ahsoka makes a bold decision to trade their starship for passage on a freighter.

A freighter bound for the desert planet of Tatooine.

First | Previous | Next | AO3


Melausta on the Outer Rim.

A Republic cruiser flew through the atmosphere, smoothly gliding over the spaceport of the planet’s capital city.

Hovering in place for a moment as the landing gear deployed, the vermillion ship slowly sank down into its assigned landing bay. White, billowing clouds of steam jetted out of the ship’s exhaust vents, nearly obscuring the boarding ramp that was quickly lowered.

A humanoid figure strode out, hard-soled boots ringing against the duracrete walls of the landing bay. He stepped into the warm midday sunlight and pulled off the voluminous hood that covered his brown hair and blunt features. Taking out his personal communications device, the man keyed in a frequency. “This is Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and I have landed on Melausta.”

There were several minutes of silence as the message bounced through the express relays of the holonet system before the reply came back.

“Understood, Master Jinn,” Mace Windu’s voice crackled over the com, low and serious. “Please inform the Temple when you have located the Duchess of Mandalore, Knight Tano, and Padawan Kenobi. May the Force be with you. Windu out.”

The line went dead and Qui-Gon tucked his com back into his belt and took off into the bustling city with one thing on his mind.

I’m coming, Obi-Wan.

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layersoflies  asked:

Ok so here's a random question for you - I'm rewatching season 9, and I get to the end of "The Purge". Now I'm a Dean!girl and I love him, but I'm still so mad at him about the whole fallout from Gadreel. I don't feel like he ever really understood where Sam was coming from. Why do you think he just never got it? I know you're a Sam!girl and I love your meta/analysis so I was just wondering if you had any thoughts :-)

Oh gosh, this issue has in the past proven to be a bit of a minefield so let me try and pick my way across it with some caution. I’ll put it under a cut so those members of fandom who get war flashbacks at the very mention of S9 can scroll on by, haha. 

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anonymous asked:

What will happen if MC don't want to have kids (she hide this fact from them) because she have no confidence will be a good mother? How RFA know about it is up to you :)

Interesting well lets see how they react.

Their some really minor spoilers in here mainly for 707-


Zen

  • He imaged your child’s after he saw you for the first time -its canon-
  • Of course he would want to wait after you married before he actual would do anything about that.
  • You avoid the topic every time it comes up.
  • Since he does not want to force you he thinks you maybe have a sad reason for not wanting kids.
  • He images all kinds of bad scenarios so he never really asks you since he would hate it to hurt you.
  • One day he overhears a conversation between you and your friend.
  • You talk about children so Zen listens in and he hears how you tell your friend that you think that you will be a bad parent.
  • When the phonecall is over Zen comes to you and asks you if that is the reason why you avoid talking about children.
  • You admit that is true you don´t feel like you would be good with raising kids.
  • Zen does not understand how you can think that you are always their to support him and you are so sweet and kind.
  • You will be perfect as a parent but you feel not that way.
  • So Zen comes up with the plan to get you to be used to children he offers a friend of his to babysit for them.
  • Then he lets you help him with it and if that doesn´t help he will come up with anything that could help you to get over your fear.


Yoosung

  • It would take a while till the topic of children would be seriously brought up by him.
  • He would want to finish his Collage and get a steady income first.
  • Yoosung would also want to marry you first of all.
  • When the topic comes up and you avoid to answer him he figures that you are not ready yet.
  • What is fully fine with him , he wants children but it should be mutual think for both of you.
  • Even when the other members make fun of him for being a child still even when  he is clearly not he will always tell them to keep out f the children business if it seems to make you unconformable.
  • One day your friend has a major issue and needs a babysitter badly.
  • You feel like you will do the worst job ever but you have no choice since the situation is just so bad.
  • You call Yoosung over and hope that the child survives till he is their.
  • Of course nothing bad at all happens the child is actual just minding its own business since its already 5 years old.
  • It sits in front of the TV watching a cartoon when Yoosung comes in.
  • He really does not see why you in such a panic to be alone with the kid you seem to do  pretty good job.
  • You break down and tell him how terrible you are for a parent you just will mess it up somehow.
  • Yoosung understands you are afraid of it but you really do fine he does not see where your fear comes from.
  • You manage everything ever so greatly just look what you have done for him -on his route-.
  • He thinks theirs nothing that you two can´t handle together after all you will be not alone in this.
  • You agree with him on that.
  • After all you not become parents over night its a long process that takes your whole future life.


Jaehee

  • She also would rather be married before having children being a catholic and all even when she could be happy without it too.
  • -Since I uselessly try to keep it gendernutral it would be either you two adopting or getting a semen donation and we all know that is still a issue without getting married in the most part of the world. So unless you are a guy you probably have to marry to adopt or get a official semen donation unless you take a RFA member as a semen donor. They would be all more then happy to support you with that. Now ill  have to write a short fic about that don´t I ?-
  • I really don´t know of Jaehee herself would want to give birth to a child or not but when the topic of children comes up and you avoid it she will not force you into anything.
  • She knows such thinks need time you both need to be ready for it.
  • You are glad that she does not really bring it up.
  • Some time passes and some people are asking her what about children Jaehee would like to have a family with you but if you don´t want that then she is okay with it too so she just avoids the topic when she can.
  • She opens up one time -after too much wine- to Zen in the chat how she would like to eventually make a family with you she thinks you would make a great parent.
  • When you come later home and see the chats you are sad since you don´t really feel that way.
  • Once Jaehee is sober again you bring the topic up since you feel a bit guilty about it.
  • You tell her your doubts and she understands how you feel she is also a bit nervous over raising a child she knows what bad thinks can happen after all.
  • You two don´t have to rush and you know that you have the support of all your friends to help you.
  • Jaehee knows that you will be awesome as parent you are really strong and you will always support and love your child no matter what.


Jumin

  • Sr. Han would bring the topic quickly up before you are even married Jumin will not like to pressured that much about it.
  • He wants children but he would be fine without them too.
  • You are so important to him that he will do pretty much everything for you.
  • He will bring the topic up when he feels like he is ready to take that step.
  • If you avoid the topic he will assume you are not ready yet or that you have issues with becoming children.
  • What ever it is he is sure that you will talk about it once you are ready.
  • When his father brings the topic up again during diner Jumin will shield you from his fathers pressure.
  • He not wants you to become a parent when you are not ready -and if you are a woman he would hate the fact that his father wants to control your body-
  • You are glad that Jumin wants to protect you but later you figure its best to let him know your thoughts at least.
  • So you tell him how insecure you are about having a child.
  • You feel like you be awful at handling children you are afraid to raise them wrong.
  • Jumin is really surprised that you see it that way that thought no once occurred to him.
  • He wants to hear your thoughts on  it and how you come to that conclusion.
  • After he listens to it he will give you a long speech about how kind you are and that you are always really patience with him and how much you always care about everyone.
  • If that does not convince you he let Jaehee write a long report about it – poor Jaehee-
  • Jumin would do everything to convince you that you would do a great job.


707

  • He would need a long time to even think about it himself.
  • It would not matter if you are married or not he just has to deal with a lot of stuff.
  • Even if he wishes for it somewhere he would wait for you to bring it up since he would fear that you don´t want children with him.
  • With all of his problems he could not even blame you.
  • He would notice that you are avoiding the topic when someone else is bringing it up.
  • Saeyoung would just blame himself for it somehow.
  • Once you talk about your fears to your best friend you tell them that you are so scared to be a bad parent and how you feel like you would do everything wrong.
  • Your friend tells you that there is no such think as a perfect parent they are ever bound to make mistakes but as long there is enough love in the family those mistakes wont matter in the end.
  • You find it nice how they see it but you are really unsure what if you hurt them or mess them up ?
  • Your friend tells you  that you will not do that they know you will love your children a lot and even if you mess up your children will know that you love them.
  • You still don´t really know if that is actual true or not.
  • That is when Saeyoung comes in he puts his hand on your shoulders looks you strait in the eyes and tells you that there is no way that you could mess the children up.
  • After all you have so much love to give just look what you have done for him.
  • If anything then he will mess everything up with how screwed up he is.
  • You disagree with him because you know he will not repeat the mistakes of his own past.
  • If you decide on children then you will do it together and you make sure that the other one does not screw up.
  • In the end you wont though and their was never actual anything to worry about.


Take a look at my Masterlist my requests are open so drop by !

anonymous asked:

Despite not supporting boycott movement(which consists about two users only), I have to ask- do you realize that by "they have to give us what we want" most fans all this time mean "equality for lgbt characters and characters of colors"? I don't want to be rude, it's just very upsetting how you purposely simplified such an important issue to vilify certain group of people (based on act of the few)

Thank you for your respectful message, I mean that. Since you expressed your concerns so calmly, I took the time to elaborate my stance a bit more, since I also come from a place of being upset. It’s a deeply rooted sentiment, so I hope you can be bothered to sit through all of it.

Oversimplification is a problem when it comes to engaging in online fandom. Within the group that probably feel targeted after reading my previous post, let’s say there are three subgroups (since we’re all simplifying anyway, please forgive me). 1. There are people who genuinely argue in favour of more equality for lgbt  and poc characters with legitimate arguments I agree with 100%. 2. There’s also a group of people who hijack these legitimate issues in order to bash other fans, because how on earth can someone argue against that without coming off as a racist homophobe? 3. Then there’s a third group that leech of these first two groups that don’t bother beyond: ‘No one cares about het drama, gives us Malec’, ‘Not Malec, not interested’, ‘No one wants Clace’.

The first group I support. I agree with their arguments, and they bring up legitimate issues that ought to be addressed. However, acknowledging issues in representation of a lgbt/poc ship does not mean one can’t support a straight white ship. I can be upset about the ‘strategic fade to black’ that was Malec’s first time, while also being excited for a Clace centric episode. Call me greedy, I just want it all.

It’s the second two groups I have an issue with. Group 2 bases their arguments on semi-truths, or truths that are not relevant for the argument they are making. This gives the discussion a broken foundation to begin with, and thus is impossible to engage, because how does one come up with a decent counter argument to a broken argument? To me, this is very upsetting. Genuine issues become trivialised this way, and custom fitted into an argument. High expectations not being met is not queerbaiting. A Malec scene being cut is not an act of homophobia. Scenes get cut, c’est la vie. I think they came from a good place when they released that bts picture, and never anticipated this backlash. Making an episode is more complicated than assigning scenes to couples, as if they have a quota for romantic fluff. Also, whereas it may be a handful of people being serious about a boycott, the ‘they should listen to what the fandom wants’ sentiment is a lot more popular, the boycott is just taking it a step further. 

The third group makes itself very guilty of oversimplification as well. It’s one thing to say ‘I don’t care about het drama, I only watch for Malec, and I do not want Clace’. Arguing that no one cares, and everyone is only in it for Malec is just not true. (This kind of non-arguing of course also exist in other fandoms. I’ve seen plenty of Clace fans claiming no one cares for Climon, only to criticise Climon fans in the very same post.) However, people in this group also frequently feels justified in arguing on behalf of the entire lgbt community. And that is just wrong no matter how you twist or turn it. A recent example: I criticised the outrage when that sneak peak came out where Jace gets the promotion over Alec. I was subsequently slammed for not understanding what ‘we, gays and bisexuals’ go through. This person must have looked at my most recent reblogs, which were Clace related, and come to a conclusion about me and my sexuality according to those random gifsets. How bizarre is that, when you think of it? I’m sure I alsohave come to the wrong conclusion as well about people on here, based on their Tumblrs, but I wouldn’t attack an individual based on that. Either way, in this situation I hinted that I, in fact, am not straight, but apparently was too subtle, and thus got asked directly whether I am straight. As if only my sexuality would validate my arguments that did not consider sexuality in the slightest, it’s just that that sneak peek happened to involve a gay character. 

Pan and bisexual fans, including yours truly, risk being excluded from the lgbt portion of any TV fandom by showing support for a straight ship, yet some people exclusively shipping lgbt ships feel justified in arguing on behalf of all of us. You can’t do that, period. Surely it comes as no surprise that someone who is attracted to people from both sexes in real life, would be interested in both straight and same sex ships. Supporting a straight ship doesn’t make me any less bi, just like being attracted to a man would suddenly make me straight. 

So, my post was not just about some randoms trying to organise a boycott. The boycott is the tip of the iceberg of a much larger issue that exists in modern fandoms. The Shadowhunter fandoms seemed to avoid many of these issues for a long time, hence my disappointment to see Shadowhunter related tags filled with such negativity and toxicity. It’s such a shame that such individuals can throw such a shadow over something many people enjoy, and it’s even more of a shame that these people shout the loudest, and thus are the voices heard.

Thank you for your message, thank you for reading mine. Feel free to message me again if you wish to comment. 

anonymous asked:

samjess ♔

- wearing each other’s clothes

So Jess likes to tease Sam about his taste in clothes. ‘You don’t even look at them,’ she says, ‘you just buy whatever’s in your size’. She’s not wrong. Sam’s used to picking up his shirts and jeans in Goodwill stores strung out across America, used to buying them cheap and wearing them hard and throwing them away without thinking too much about it once they’re torn up or soaked in slime or crusted all over with blood. He’s also big enough that it’s hard to find clothes that fit. If he finds something that’s long enough to cover his stomach and broad enough that it doesn’t tug too tight across the shoulders, he’s good.

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anonymous asked:

I don't know if you've gotten one like this, btmut Barry's just a regular CSI, and he takes his super villain fiance to his high school reunion. Maybe bounce Len scaring the crap outta Woodward?

You know, I’ve missed writing Coldflash…

Fic: Face Blind (AO3 Link)
Fandom: Flash
Pairing: Barry Allen/Leonard Snart

Summary: Barry’s just a regular CSI. Totally 100% boring, normal, and standard. 

Except for the fact that he’s dating a supervillain.

(Prompt: Barry’s just a regular CSI, and he takes his super villain fiance to his high school reunion. Maybe Len scaring the crap outta Woodward?)

A/N: Willing to write more in this verse, but have no more ideas. Feel free to toss me additional prompts for it.

————————————————————————

It just sort of happened, okay?

Barry’s a regular guy! He has a Netflix subscription, a part-time ownership agreement with his neighbors over their cat (who goes by the name of Number 2 and who seems to think Barry’s apartment is an extension of his property), an excellent best friend who’s getting married (Iris! Married! How?!), a regular but kick-ass job (CSI, just like on TV except for totally not like that), a standard but not excessive amount of work drama (Singh is getting better about Barry’s punctuality thing, he hopes)…

He’s also kind of face blind.

That last one is particularly relevant. Not to his job as a CSI, mind you, because he can compensate with any number of things and it’s not like he’s a sketch artist or a detective or anything, he analyzes the scenes, not the people.

Just, you know, to…everything else.

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Reine des Fleurs - slight summary + CGs (Ghislain’s route)

Continuing with the good fight, here’s route 3 of 5. It…………uh. So Ghislain’s supposed to be the tsundere with way too much soldierly pride, with some other related issues thrown in. He thaws really severely, but this route…loyalty end was good, though you can’t really screw up a bad ending, honestly. The love ending…those of you who have played it will know why all I can do is just sit here and laugh my head off at the absurd harlequin romance mess it became.

At least we got gorgeous piano music.

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anonymous asked:

when GOM + hanamiya's s/o breaks up w/them cause they feel insecure about their relationship (not enough attention, don't spend time, they seem bored all the time, etc) | angst-ish ??? uwu i love your writing style so much !!!

thank youu <3 and ughhh I love angst. more characters under the jump!

AKASHI: “I don’t know if we’re… compatible enough.” You sighed and he instantly frowned from his spot on the desk. He got up and approached you, taking you into his arms, asking you what the hell you were talking about. “I just… I mean, we’re too different, Akashi. You come from this very wealthy family and you’re successful and handsome and intelligent and just… perfect. I don’t want to sound like I’m self-pitying but I just think you deserve someone much better than that.”

He growled, “Don’t ever speak about yourself that way. We’re both equals here. I am completely at your mercy and you’re the only one who can break me and piece me back together.” He hugged you tightly, kissing the top of your head. “I love you and I belong completely to you. It’s entirely up to you what you want to do but I don’t want you to ever feel that way because you are mine and I am yours.”

AOMINE HUBZ: You winced when you saw his eyes narrow. He demanded to know why you were doing this. “I… I mean, you’re not interested in me anyway, Daiki. I see the way you look at other girls and, God, you love basketball more than anything. I just don’t think I’ll be enough to satisfy you. And you would be better off—“ He growled, crushing his lips down on yours before tossing you onto the bed.

“Don’t,” he snarled. “Don’t say that you’re not enough because you are. I look at other girls and think how goddamn lucky I am to have you in my house, in my bed every single night.” You could feel his hands shake as his nails dig into your skin. “Sometimes I feel so guilty because I have you and you could be out there with someone smarter, better. But you told me that you loved me and I believe you, and I fucking love you, babe. So, please, don’t end this – us.”

HANAMIYA: You glared at him, crossing your arms over your chest. You needed to act strong and hold back your tears. You really needed to end this. “Look, you’re only with me to tease me anyway. All you do is make fun of me and I’m tired. This isn’t healthy for me.” Sighing, you slumped down on the chair, looking down.

“What the fuck?” Hanamiya snapped. “What the hell are you going on about? I tease you a lot because it’s fun and I love watching you react. But I sure as hell isn’t in this relationship only to tease you. I like you and that’s why I’m here. Do you really think I would go out with you if I didn’t even like you? I don’t mean to insult you, baka, when I’m teasing you and I’m not going to apologize if you think that I do. You should just know that I like you a lot and – ah, whatever – it’s up to you whether to end this or not. I’m just telling you that I really like you.”

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Trust Me

Tags: @megant22, @sexywolfsfordays, @houseofrahl, @sterek-basically, @kittycatgirlmaddie, @misshinehou, @unbreakablevoices, @champagneblues, @dallysgreasergirl, @juliaspnlover, @cineyou, @lipstickstainsandwerewolfchains, @fallenangel-13x

Word count: 2583

Author’s note: Like I already mentioned in my latest reply to a sweet message, I’m currently not in the mood for smut (I honestly have no idea why), but I still wanted to get something posted today, so this turned out of it. I started working on it a while ago, but I only got around to finish it today. I hope you will like it :)

Warnings: mild gore (once, hardly mentioned)

Your name: submit What is this?


The spiky scent of gasoline engulfs me. Faintly, I can hear vague clicking somewhere near me, but I couldn’t tell where that noise is coming from exactly, or what is making it. Dim light keeps flashing up behind my closed eyelids, and I try to open them up, but they are stuck. I can hear crickets through the loud buzzing in my ear, the blood drumming in it with such intensity that it overwhelms every other sound.

My head is pulsing with sharp pain, the side of my face is dampened by something sticky, and my weight is pushed on my left side. My neck and side are both numb, indicating I’ve been in this position for a long time. There’s something holding me by my chest, its edge nearly cutting into my neck. Then I can register another noise.

Low, guttural growling is coming from not too afar, accompanied by creaking of glass.

Albeit it’s hard, I blink an eye open, only to notice vague demanding slashing movements through the crack. I shake my head and use my hands to feel around myself – it doesn’t take long before I realise I’m in a flipped car behind the stirring wheel, and the sharp pain at the side of my neck and chest is caused by the safety belt holding me in place.

I hiss at the headache pulsing in my forehead and scalp, rubbing my eyes to let me look around myself. I’m startled back when I find myself face to face with a living corpse trying to get to me, a curt shout escaping from my lips. The undead is this close to breaking through the windshield, pale white eyes gone feral and rabidly showing off its bloody dirty teeth to me. I wince at the foul odour that’s coming off of its mouth and decaying body in general, only to proceed to search for something quickly in the next moment to kill the zombie on the fly.

It takes me a while to register the black leather holster around my bust under the oversized camouflage jacket I have on. It’s what detectives wear, but I had no idea I was one nor that I can handle weaponry decently for that matter. Not trusting myself with the pistol, I opt to keep looking for something else that I could use to defend myself. First, I check the pockets of the jacket, but save for a stack of handkerchiefs, leafs of pills and ammunition, they are empty.

I save the upcoming questions for later, swiping them into the back of my mind. I need to get out of this Hell of a situation before trying to figure out what the medicines are for. The creaking of the glass keeps up, it doubles, and the odour is coming from closer. I don’t dare look it in the eye, just keep feeling around in the darkness, which is interrupted by the light shining up from time to time – it’s also the source of the soft clicking sound.

Undoing the belt, I bolt out of the seat and crawl backwards to give myself space and a tad more time to find a weapon. My eyes settle on a huge splinter of broken glass. Without thinking twice about it, I reach for it and stab it in the eye of the monster mercilessly. I kick the trunk open and climb out of the car, relieved to feel the damp pavement under my palm, knowing I’m free now. I scramble to stand on my wobbly legs to walk away, but suddenly I’m yanked by my hair.

I yell, partially in pain, partially in fright, arms flailing in the air helplessly, hearing the hungry growling next to my ear, then a loud blast follows and the source of the odour vanishes, falling down into a lifeless pile next to my feet.

With a shocked expression, I fix my eyes on the body, at first not even registering that someone has their hands on me, fingers curling to grab handfuls of the material of my jacket.

“Are you okay?” asks a low voice, filled with worry and anticipation for my answer. I avert my eyes from my attacker and they are met by a mossy pair, gleaming in the moonlight. “Did you get bitten?”

I shake my head slowly. He breathes out a grateful “Thank God” before hugging me to himself, catching me off-guard.

Derek’s POV

(Y/N)’s palms slide on my chest, putting meek pressure against my ribcage in a weak attempt to push me away. Her hands are still shaking mildly by the rush of adrenaline that’s coursing through her veins by the near-death experience. I draw back from her and reach up to cup her face in my hands, but she effectively stops me when she asks, “Who are you?”

My heart skips a beat.

She doesn’t remember? Doesn’t remember me at all? Did she have a concussion due to the crash? How much does she remember then? Will she remember the others? Does she still know about the post-apocalyptic world? Does she know how to defend herself? Does she remember what I taught her about martial arts and firearms?

I’m guessing she doesn’t.

She has no idea who I am, after all. And what answer am I supposed to give her now? I can’t say she and I are together, she wouldn’t believe me – and even if she would, it would probably be too much for her to digest all of a sudden. There’s no guarantee that she’d fall for me again. In the end, I settle for a neutral response, providing her information but also sharing nothing relevant.

“You belong in my team. I came to look for you, because you haven’t returned in a long time.” She hums, her lips pursed and her gaze wandering to the side. I know this reaction all too well; she has doubts, and now she’s contemplating whether she should trust me or not. And knowing her, there’s little to no chance for her to confide in a stranger.

She narrows her eyes at me, giving me a once-over. Her eyes get stuck a touch longer on my guns, but she doesn’t seem to bat an eye at the sight of them. I hold my hands up in surrender, as though she was pointing a pistol at me, to show her I’m harmless and not intend to hurt her. After long minutes, she nods, and my shoulders slump, tension seeping out of my frame that I wasn’t even aware of until now.

I nod towards my dusty Camaro, “Come on, I’m taking you back to the others.”

“Who are they?”

“They are your friends,” I offer, although I know this won’t help her much. She hops in to the passenger seat while I approach the crashed car to get the supplies out of it. (Y/N) volunteered to gather them this time – I had a premonition I shouldn’t let her go, not today. Apparently I was right. I shove them in my trunk, then sit in, too, and give ignition. I turn around to head back to our camp. “How much do you remember?”

She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip shallowly, thinking. “I-I don’t know. I remember the apocalypse, but it’s all too vague. I also have faint memories of a group that I was a member of, but I couldn’t tell for sure if it’s the one you’re taking me to.”

“Do you remember your name?” I ask, taking a turn to the left at the crossroads.

“It’s (Y/N), isn’t it?” I nod, slowing down a little to be able to hold my hand out for her to shake. “I’m Derek. Hale.” After a couple beats, she takes my hand and gives it a modest, yet determined squeeze.

“Nice to meet you,” she says. It feels so strange having to act like we’re both new to each other, especially after all we’ve been through, after all she and I have said to each other, after all we’ve done for each other, after…

I shut my eyes for a second to clear my head of the haze of memories. My voice nearly breaks as I respond, “Pleasure’s mine.”

“So what has happened? Why was I separate? How long have I been with you?”

“You said you’d be the one to gather the resupply for us,” I explain. “I obviously don’t know why you had an accident, but I can tell you that you’ve been with us for over one and a half years.” We spend a little time in silence, only the blowing wind making noises through the crack where I have the window rolled down next to my head, accompanied by the low grumbling of the engine of the Camaro and the wheels spinning against concrete. We remain like that until I speak up again, “I can show you around if you want.”

From the corner of my eye, I can see as she turns to look at me with a tiny smile, “Thank you.”

Reader’s POV

Derek does as he promised. He takes his time to introduce everyone to me, after wiping the dried blood from the side of my head, which makes me feel weird – they all know my name, yet I have no idea what theirs is. It makes me feel guilty for some reason, it makes me feel like a bad person for forgetting the names of those with whom I’ve been living for more than a year.

“This is your tent,” Derek says, holding the entrance open for me. I enter, scanning the inside to etch it into my memory to find my way around. I don’t fail to notice that there are two mattresses spread next to each other, mimicking a king-size bed. I turn back to look at Derek, who’s standing at the threshold, arms folded over his chest.

“Who do I sleep with?”

It takes a while before I’m given an answer. “Me.” His voice is quiet, barely audible as it brushes through the particles of the cool air around us. His face morphs into a distant expression when I don’t react to that piece of information in any way. He starts backing off, “I’m going to sleep somewhere else. I understand if you’re not comfortable with me around.”

I shake my head, “No, no! I mean – it’s fine,” I croak out. My heart does change to an erratic rhythm, but I won’t kick him out of his place after saving me. This is the least I can do, especially if we really were sleeping together. Derek nods curtly, then zips the entrance closed behind himself. He shuffles over to a lamp with a candle in it, providing us light until we putter around, awkwardly avoiding each other awhile.

When I shrug off the jacket, I proceed to fold it neatly, but the name ‘Hale’ on it catches my eye; I can’t help but notice that the matching trousers are worn by Derek himself. It’s no hardship for me to put two and two together – Derek gave me half of his uniform for whatever reason, and we really were living together, seeing how easy it is for him to strip in front of me, how comfortable he is with it while I’m there to watch.

As he tugs his grey wife beater over his head, I whip my head around, cheeks burning up with red heat. I shouldn’t be gawking at him, damn it! Even if I did see him like that before, I don’t remember it, and right now I’m just… I’m just a stranger. I don’t qualify as his girlfriend, or whatever I used to be for him before the crash and –

“Need help with that?” he asks, effectively hauling me out of my string of thoughts. I clear my throat, pointedly staring at the ground as I shake my head.

“N-no, I think I can manage,” I stutter as I reach up to rid myself of my shoulder holster. Derek gives me time to fumble with it clumsily, getting nowhere besides tightening it around myself. He snickers under his breath before approaching me and putting his hot palms on my shoulders to stop me in my movements.

His voice is low as he says, “Let me help.”

It sends tingles down my spine, and I find I’m helpless, so I just allow him to do it for me. I can’t help but rake my gaze over his set of firm muscles, enlightened by the golden rays of the warm candlelight coming from not too afar, casting beautiful shadows over the dips of his shoulders and collarbones, his Adam’s apple, pectorals and abdominals, highlighting his muscular build. Derek is working meekly, undoing the clasps, eventually freeing me from the black leather.

“Did we –?” I ask quietly, earning his attention. I swallow before I go on, “Did we… were we a couple before I…?”

Derek’s eyebrows furrow momentarily before he tosses the holster away. He shakes his head. “No. We just decided to share a bed because it was the best choice in regards to survival. All the girls had their own partners, and you didn’t want to share a tent with my uncle, so you ended up with me.”

For some reason, his words ease me up. I give him a smile before nodding, taking in his reply, letting it sink in. I turn my back to him before I take off my tank top, and when I sneak a peek at him over my shoulder, the sight of his tattoo welcomes me between his shoulder blades – he’s discreetly acting busy, like the map was interesting to him for some reason. I can’t express my gratitude enough for his behaviour, and I change into a clean pair of pants quickly that I find under the blanket. I figure my self that still had memories put it there by way of a set of pyjamas.

By the time I’m ready, Derek has gotten rid of his clothes as well, and put on a pair of black sweatpants and a T-shirt. The night is cold, and I still need the air under the blanket to heat up. Before joining me in the bed, Derek shuts the candle, then nestles himself under the cocoon of quilts as well. I want to ask if we usually cuddle to keep each other warm overnight, but I have a feeling that would be too much to ask.

. o O o .

In the morning, I wake with an awful headache and nausea. I bolt out of bed as though it burnt me, making a mad dash for the entrance of the tent to open it and get out to puke as soon as possible. The heavy scent of cooked bacon floating about has gotten the better of me apparently. I go back inside, only to find Derek, already standing and rubbing his eye, asking me with his tone still riddled with sleep, “Are you okay?”

I clench my jaw as worry starts taking over me. What the Hell is happening? “You tend to sneak out in the mornings lately,” he says. I purse my lips as an idea begins forming in my mind, eating inside my brain relentlessly, the probability of it making me shiver in fright. I can’t be pregnant. Not under such circumstances, not in such a world. I can’t put everyone in danger. I can’t be pregnant.

…Can I?

Feeling The Pressures - Xero

When you are feeling pressured to move the relationship to a more intimate level.

Rated: Fluff/Teen

Word Count: 1 856

You arrive at the dorm, ready to spend the evening with your boyfriend. When you knock on the door, you are immediately greeted by Jiho, who quickly embraces you in a hug and pecks your lips, “Baby…” He smiles down at you and grabs your hands to lead you down the hallway of the dorm. Along the way, you cross paths with Hyosang who is heading towards the living room with the rest of the members, “Hey, where are you two headed?” He asks, looking down at your hands clasped together. “To the bedroom,” He waits awkwardly while his hyung just blankly stares at the two of you, “Is that okay?” Hyosang glances between Jiho and the closed door to the bedroom, but hesitantly nods his head, “…Yeah, that’s okay.”

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im-here-cause-im-not-all-there  asked:

How can I avoid romanticizing abuse in my stories? I don't mean making it seem like the abuse it okay or normal, I think I make it clear that it isn't. But when I write it, it sounds dramatized, fake, and shiny (if that makes sense?), and I want it to be shocking and actually get the reader's attention. We are so desensitized to stories about abuse that they often doesn't make us feel anything. How can I make it more real and impacting?

Understanding abuse is the first step in accurately writing about and presenting it in any form of fiction. Here are a couple of resources I think that you should read to better understand abusive relationships. 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/msv30/what-it-feels-like-to-be-the-victim-of-emotional-abuse?utm_term=.yh7LJ45pv#.tjYLjpl9Z

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

Of particular note is understanding how the cycle of abuse perpetuates, whether you are writing about the abuse of a child, significant other, or any other loved one. 

The abuser in many scenarios will often seem very apologetic afterwards. Or in the case of family situations, another individual may apologize for or explain away the abuse of the person who committed the act. (”You know how he gets! Why did you make him so angry? He’s having a difficult time right now…”)

The victims of abuse often feel guilty for being the ones who instigated the abuse because of this (and because of the emotional abuse they may also be suffering). They may think, “It’s true, I shouldn’t have done XYZ…” Or they may shut down completely and decide not to think about it, especially if they feel trapped in the situation and unable to escape it. 

One thing to point out about physical abuse is that it doesn’t HAVE to be major to be serious. A push or a shove, hair pulling, and the like is still serious. Other things, like a person intentionally driving recklessly with their victim in the car to scare them, also count as abuse. 

I advise you to learn as much as possible about all these things. It’ll help you write a more realistic scenario and one that is true to life for those who have suffered abuse. 

anonymous asked:

Hi!! For the prompt thing would u do Pimms with my cat keeps breaking into your apartment next to mine so I tied a note to its collar to apologise and you write back so we keep exchanging cat notes and you’re pretty funny. (Maybe where Jack and Kent already know each other but haven't been in touch and somehow don't realize they've been living in the same building and rebuild their relationship?? Or bitty can live w Jack and it can be pb&j if u want! Idk or anything else I trust u!)

ahhh this was in my drafts so long so I’m just putting out into the world. Not shippy, just a Jack n Kent reunion fic. Sorry it’s not really what you asked for orz

——

Hi, I’m Kit! The note reads. I just moved into the building and like to explore. I’m not lost. Please don’t feed me no matter how much I beg. 
It’s a pretty simple note, Kent thinks. Direct, to the point. The cat is named Kit, she wanders a lot, and she’s on a strict diet. All anyone has to do is read the note to learn that 1) they don’t need to call animal control and 2) they don’t need to feed her. Which is why he doesn’t understand the messily written addition to the note, the one that appeared sometime after Kent left for the day which says
Your cat is really cute so I gave her some salmon sorry -#401
“Come on, Kit,” Kent gripes. “We talked about taking food from strangers.” He scraps the paper he’d attached to her collar and writes a fresh note, being sure to underline all key phrases. Once certain he’s made his point clear, with an addendum specifically for Mr. or Mrs. #401, he affixes it to her collar again.
With a loud slurp of his coffee he determines his task done and shuffles around his temporary home, a place he found on Air BnB cheaper than any pet friendly hotel room. Though the amenities are lacking, it’s good enough for the five nights he’s staying, but there’s not much to keep Kit occupied. She’s taken to the fire escape, stalking up and down the rails and harassing anyone who might be on her path with pleas of petting and food.
“I gotta get going,” Kent say over his shoulder, searching through the ten different snapbacks he brought for the training camp. He settles on an alternate Aces cap before looking outside and seeing the rain coming down. Fuckin’ New England. Fine, he switches for the standard cap, the one they give him by the box, checking his reflection once more before grabbing his bag and making his way down to the rink.

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"Save it, I don't wanna hear it" - Luke Hemmings (Part 1)

So I feel like this is way too long, but bare with me. Also, if you want me to continue this let me know! Dunno if it’s good enough though.
Hope you like it!

MASTERLIST| Part 2 | Part 3

PART 1

(Y/N)

“Why are you so acting like this? I didn’t do anything! You should know by now how much the media manipulate things into something else” Luke said to me over the phone. We were currently fighting over some pictures that came out of him holding some girl’s hand

“How am I supposed to act when you’re on the other side of the world and I see things like this? How do I know you didn’t take her home or something?” I asked, I didn’t want to cry but this really affected me; I mean, he could get any girl he wants in a second and I’m just plain old me, I was afraid I might lose him

“You are supposed to trust me, like I trust you! How do I know YOU’RE not fucking every guy that talks to you?” He was screaming by now.

“How can you say that? You know I’m not like that Luke”

“No, I don’t anymore and I feel like if you can’t fucking trust me then this relationship should just end”

“What? Luke but I…” I started crying as soon as he said those words

“Save it, I don’t want to hear it” He cut me off “Bye, have a nice life” And just like that he hung up

I was a pretty awful mess after that call, I was bawling my eyes out, my boyfriend of a year and a half had broken up with me for a stupid misunderstanding.

I realized that he could never cheat on me like that, and I couldn’t lose him because of that, I just couldn’t. So I bought a plain ticket to the city they were in at the moment and packed a couple of bags, then I just waited til it was time to go.


LUKE

I had never been one to think that drinking until you couldn’t remember anything was the way to solve a problem, but tonight it seemed like the only thing I could do.

I was just so mad, how could she think I cheated? I knew I shouldn’t have hold that girl’s hand but she was screaming for help, the people outside the club were pushing her trying to get around us so I just pulled her without thinking, nothing else happened.

After the show me and the boys went out to a club and started drinking, they kept trying to make me feel better but I was having non of it. I wanted to get wasted and forget about everything.

When i was reaching for another shot i felt a girl grabbing my hand and placing it on her thigh, I looked at her and smiled, she was quite pretty, she looked so much like (Y/N), my beautiful (Y/N). Without thinking I kissed her passionately on the lips and felt her kissing back.

“Want to get out of here?” She whispered in my hear

“Yeah come on” I grabbed her hand and led her outside, I could feel flashes from cameras and paparazzi screaming questions at me but I couldn’t understand what they were saying.

(Y/N)

I arrived at the hotel they were staying in and figured I wouldn’t book a room since I could crash with them, so I took the lift and went up to their floor, as soon as I got there I saw Ash and Cal getting into a room

“Guys! Hey!” They turned around and looked like they’d seen a ghost “Are you two ok?”

“(Y/N)! Yeah we are, what um.. what are you doing here?” Ashton asked as he hugged me

“I had a fight with Luke and realized it was stupid, so I came here to apologize and make up with him” I hugged Cal “Where is he by the way?”

“Umm he..We went out and he stayed with Michael” Cal said as he looked and me nervously

“OK… I’ll wait here til they come back then” I was about to sit on my suitcase when Ash stopped me

“Don’t be silly, come with us” He grabbed my suitcase and pulled me into their room, Cal started ordering some room service as I made myself comfortable

An hour or so later i went to the bathroom and i heard the bedroom door open, my heart started racing thinking it was Luke

“Yo, Luke is really getting it on with that chick” my heart stopped when I heard Michael say that “She screams so fucking hard I..”

“Dude shut up! (Y/N) is here!” Cal whispered not so quietly

“Where is he?” I asked getting out of the bathroom, they all looked at me scared “I said, where. is. he” they remained quiet. I saw Michael holding a room key with his left hand and run towards him, taking it from him

“NO (Y/N), WAIT!” He screamed, but I was already in front of the room the key had the number of, opening the door.

I could hear moaning from the outside but I didn’t want to believe it until I walked in and saw Luke with that girl on top of him

“WHAT THE FUCK LUKE!” He looked at me and I saw his eyes widen, he pushed the girl away and she fell to the floor, then he started pulling his boxers on
“(Y/N) shit, it’s not what it looks like i swear, I..“

"Save it, I don’t want to hear it” I said and ran out of there, I went to the other room and saw the boys looking all guilty

“You fucking knew…I don’t ever want to hear from you again” I saw the hurt in Ash’ eyes as he was the one I was closest to and then i sprinted off toward the lift. As the doors were closing i saw Luke running towards me with tears in his eyes, screaming my name…