and because the online community (the good parts)

Your creative fandom pursuits are not a waste of time.

I hand-coded a fansite in 2001. The results would make your teeth hurt today but I learned about HTML and CSS.

A piece of meta went semi-viral in 2003. That taught me about traffic and analytics and what the Internet likes. Consulting to improve web site traffic was a tidy side income for me last year.

I never made the leap from fanfiction to original fiction, or writing for novelisations of Star Trek and Doctor Who - but I have fandom friends who did.

I got my last job because of Wordpress and Tumblr. I explained what tags were as part of an information architecture demonstration. Yes, I know. Still: hired!

I got my current job because of the online content skills gleaned over 15 years in fandom. “You’re a digital native.”

Creating art, stories, meta, videos, zines, shirts, RPing, managing a series of stories, tracking your traffic, responding to comments and debate, being part of a community - it’s all good.

Your creative fandom pursuits are not a waste of time.

6 Things I’ve Learned in 6 Months

It’s been a while since I’ve made a personal post, but since Maya is turning six months old in a few days, I definitely wanted to take some time to reflect on the lessons that six months of imperfect, loving, and messy motherhood has taught me.

1. It really does fly by

You know on your birthday when your mom gives you a big hug and tells you, “It feels like I had you just yesterday!” She isn’t lying. Every month when I take Maya’s “monthly” pictures, I am in disbelief, because I feel like time is passing us by. I remember every second of the day leading up to her being born. I remember every emotion, the fear, the anxiety, the excitement that she would finally be here. Six months have passed, and soon enough, we’ll be getting ready for her first birthday. I’m happy I have a babe who is growing to be big and strong, but the fact that she isn’t my tiny little newborn anymore does make me ~slightly~ emotional. 

2. There is no handbook for being a mom

I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t really alone with Maya until she was about a month old. Matt had the first week off, my mom was off for a week and a half, and then my older sister came to visit. Our first few days alone, I had an overwhelming sense of not knowing what the hell I was doing. Am I changing her right? Is she dressed warmly enough? Is she too hot? Is she eating enough? Am I giving her enough attention? I have bombarded my mom with every question that there is. Sometimes I wish it was so simple as having a universal handbook that has every answer to every question, but I guess the beauty of being a mom is that we have to trust that maternal instinct, which has been keeping babies alive since the beginning of time.

3. You’ll feel every emotion out there

The first few days, being a mom was pure bliss. Maya was here and healthy, I was happy, the nurses at the hospital reassured me and guided me about what to do, and they watched Maya so we could get some sleep. When my OBGYN came in to talk to me about the baby blues, I smiled and said I felt completely happy. Within the first few days at home, I was crying in the shower, thinking “I am NOT cut out of this. What on earth did I get myself into?” I’d go from being completely fine one minute, to crying because I couldn’t find my chapstick. I’d think about how Maya would be better off with anyone else as a mom. Until I started talking to other friends that had babies, I thought I was loosing my mind. To my surprise, they all casually mentioned that they had felt the same way and that it gets better, which it did. Never feel alone or like you’re the only person who has certain thoughts. 

4. Listen to advice, but realize not all advice is good advice

People love giving advice to a new mom. They think they are being helpful and that if it worked for them, then it must be okay. However, if someone tells you something (like, “I gave my baby bananas when he was 2 weeks old” or “I forward faced my 7 month old”) and you cringe a little inside, chances are, it’s not the best advice in the world. Smile, say something along the lines of “Oh, that’s great!” and politely move on. Their advice is coming from a good place, but thankfully, you can pick and choose what you listen to.

5. We, as mothers, are not in a competition with one another. 

I’m part of various online mom communities and advice pages online, and when I see moms tearing each other down, it really does baffle me. Motherhood is one of the most stressful jobs out there, why are we making it even harder? Having a polite disagreement is one thing, but implying someone is the world’s worst devil mom because they do XYZ and you would NEVER put your baby through that is mind-blowing. We should be lifting each other up, celebrating that while we all parent our babes in our own unique way, they will all turn out to be wonderful little people. Of course, if we truly feel that someone is putting their child in harm’s way, it is okay to speak up, however, there really is no need to start a war about a difference of parenting choices. 

6. Despite how you feel, you’re most likely doing OK

Is your baby taken care of medically? Are they fed? Do you love on them? Do they have clothes to wear and a few toys to play with? Is their butt clean? Do they have a safe environment to live in? If your answer is yes, you’re doing great as a mom. Maya won’t remember that she cried for two minutes because I had to finish peeing. She isn’t hard on me, so I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. 


man what happened to jontron

i mean

i know what happened to him

when the internet (and western culture in general) took a more socially aware turn between 2012 and 2015, internet entertainers were faced with the decision to either clean up their acts and stop saying offensive things for the sake of being offensive or to withdraw and stick to their offensive guns

jontron clearly took the latter path because learning how to be clever is harder than just saying the n-word as loudly as you possibly can and hoping that gets a laugh

then jontron joined in with like-minded individuals which splintered off in to, ironically enough, an incredibly insular hugbox echo chamber of bad ideas

then “saying the n-word for shock value because you know it’s wrong and you think violating that social stigma is inherently funny” merged with “people who say the n-word for non-shock value non-humorous reasons” and became the big shitfest that jontron is now a part of 

you know that old saying about how any community that gets it laughs by pretending to be idiots will soon be joined by idiots believing they’re in good company? turns out that goes both ways. when the idiots join, the old community listens to the idiots, and becomes idiots themselves. 

and that’s how we get to the point where jontron is going online saying racism is over because you can go to a mcdonalds 

The last thing I’m going to address about everything that has happened. 

Not once have I said that unfollowing someone is bullying. Because that’s ridiculous. The only thing that I have said (and admitted to saying) was that I was hurt that some people I had been friends with for years had unfollowed me all of a sudden and on every platform. It was sudden and I was hurt. I treated this blog like a personal space and vented about it and it escalated from that. 

Also, calling out someone isn’t bullying either. But it depends a lot on how it’s done. I personally was called out in a respectful manner and I already explained my reasoning for which I didn’t follow through with that call out. Whether you accept that explanation or not is your own choice. I never intentionally wanted to hurt anyone. I’m not that person. I’ve always treated everyone with as much kindness as possible, because the world is cruel enough to us, without the online community adding to it. So again, I apologise for hurting anyone.

We all make mistakes. We all fuck up. I admitted to mine because it’s something I do as a person - I own up to them, so that I can learn. But I hope to everything you believe in that you are never in the situation where your entire character, your good parts, your good deeds and who you are as a person gets thrown out because of one mistake. I don’t care if you think this is me playing the victim. If it’s that, so be it. Because it fucking hurts.

Treat each other with more kindness and more tolerance. And take care and look after each other.

AND PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK. STOP SENDING HATE TO JEN, SHAUNA OR WHOEVER ELSE YOU HAVE A BEEF WITH IN MY NAME. I DO NOT WANT THAT. HATE IS NOT THE ANSWER. 

STOP IT.

Mary <3

*05/05/2017*
🌸INTRODUCTION TO MY STUDYBLR:🌸

Hi everyone! I’m a new member of the study community on Tumblr, and it’s nice to meet you all! Well, let me explain something: I’ve always loved this motivational and inspirational environment, made by amazing people, but I’ve never got the chance to participate it myself. That’s because: 1)English is not my first language; 2)I don’t have enough time to be actively online; 3)I’m kind of shy about exposing my work. However, good news everybody: I MADE IT! It’s so nice to be part of this supportive group, and to get in touch with individuals that hold this passion for learning! I WANNA HUG YOU GUYS SO MUCH! The only thing I’m asking is: let’s be friends! Wish you, the best of luck at everything and don’t forget: work for it, you can do it!

🌸FACTS ABOUT ME:🌸
* My name is Duda Kobayashi, I’m 15 years old (actually my birthday is coming soon: may 28th), and I’m half Japanese and half Brazilian.
*I’m a Gemini sun, Virgo moon, and Capricorn ascendant; a Ravenclaw, a daugther of Apollo and a Warlock. In other words: a nerd, a geek and well that’s it hehehe.
*I love books and music, coffee and chocolate, and I’m an enthusiast about asian culture in general (KPOP, JPOP, ANIME, MANGA).
*I speak Portuguese and English, and I’m currently learning Japanese, Korean and Mandarin.
*My favorite subjects are: biology and chemistry.
*My ultimate goal is to become a doctor, and to travel and live abroad, learning more about my future profession.
* My favorite colors are black and red.
* I’m reaaaaally talkative (sometimes it gets pretty much annoying).
* I have a thing for poetry and watercolors hehehe.
* I consider myself as an open minded person: I’ll embrace and love you for who you are.
* I’m afraid of storms (even though i love rainy days), of heights, of darkness, and of burning things (I’m always thinking that I’ll set myself on fire by accident hehehe).
*I have another tumblr account: your-destiny-lover (it’s mainly in Portuguese hehehe sorry).

🌸THE END:🌸

Hm, I guess that’s enough information hehehe. So I’ll let it be for now. A thousand of hugs and kisses! LOVE YOU ALL! (Tagged some of my favorites, hope you guys don’t mind).

🌸TAGS:🌸

@moonshinestudies
@architstudy
@circle-studies
@studyfeather
@scalpelpls
@emmastudies
@kyoko-studies
@hwangmyeons
@studynotepad
@lentilstudies
@journalsanctuary
@studylustre
@moonlume
@getstudyblr
@studywith-vic
@joo-ah-lee
@carlostudyblr
@studydiaryofamedstudent
@yangstudies
@mochi-studies
@teenytinyhermione
@studymedically
@gatostudies
@rafstudyblr
@studycharms
@queststudyskills
@jiyeonstudies

David Bruck: Complete Final Statement

« I can tell you I want to discuss some issues I think will be important. » He tells the jurors to ask him to speak up if he speaks too softly.
« Mr. Williams I think spent most of the time focusing on the right issue. Hearing the evidence is so hard and so painful, it’s pretty straight forward.. The issue in this case from the beginning and continues to be.. Why? Why, did Dylann Roof do this? Why was he motivated? What is the reason? What is the explanation? Those questions have to be addressed in your deliberations. You have to understand what was going on in his head. It’s important to consider the intent, it is the key. »  Bruck reads off a portion of the testimony from an FBI agents who interviewed Roof after arrest; asks « Why? It’s an issue of terrible importance. It’s not just a box to check on the verdict sheet… Of course racism is the why.. That’s hatred, alright, and certainly racist, but it goes a lot further than that. He told the FBI he wasn’t ‘delusional’. He gave whole life to a belief… that there is a fight between white people and black people that is being covered up. You have a 20-21 years old young man, basically a boy who gave his life to racism. He obsessed over belief, that this would advance some political agenda, and Williams calls that hatred. »

« What was he going to do after this? He had no escape plan, no where to go, he wrote suicide notes to his parents, he said he was going to kill himself.  He had decided to kill himself, why? Why would he do this? For what? That needs an explanation. All that tells you the depth.. It’s not only that he had decided to kill other people. But he decided to kill himself. What could have left him so convinced that he was in a war and it required the sacrifice not only of other people but of himself?
It was not a breeding ground of extreme racism. So we can write that explanation off. He didn’t learn that ideology from a friend either. He doesn’t have a best friend and doesn’t communicate with people since he doesn’t have a cell phone. He’s took all the pictures by himself.. all alone. He wasn’t part of a hate group like the KKK. He didn’t get this from anyone else he knew.
The racist ideas that he downloaded online are unfortunately and tragically common. Who on the internet said that committing a crime like this would be a good idea. Even people online wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to murder people because of that hate. Nothing could possibly justify any of this. Every bit of his motivation came from things he saw on the internet. That’s the only possible explanation. Siting in his room by himself after dropping out of high school.  The Trayvon Martin controversy made him type ‘black on white crime.’
“I am completely racially aware.” Bruck reads from Roof’s belongings. 

« The FBI did an amazing job investigating this case. Before long, you’re wandering through a forest of stuff. In this case, racism. You have only seen the journal and website Dylann Roof wrote, you haven’t seen the sources though. If someone searches “black on white crime” what one finds obviously, is a cascade of racism. He is simply regurgitating… bits and pieces of stuff he has downloaded from the internet directly into his brain. We can easily give him way too much credit if we don’t consider where the informations came. » Bruck pulls up an image of the book “The Invisible Empire” about the KKK and a picture of Roof with a white pillowcase on his head; demonstrating how he emulated the book. Next photos are of Dylann Roof lighting the American Flag on fire. 

« Everything he is doing is an imitation of something he saw somewhere else. You’re giving him way too much credit if you think he is an original. He was simply replicating an image.
Why did he have to do it? He never answered the FBI agents. And there is never an answer… He doesn’t have an answer. ‘I had to do it’, that’s the explanation. He didn’t know what month it was the day of his confessions. He seemed astonished when he learned he had killed 9 people. There is something wrong with his perceptions. There is something with what he is perceiving about reality. He confessed to the most dreadful crime a person could ever confess to but refused to initial a drawing. He was afraid from the FBI searching his car, taking a picture of his face. What’s that about? He told agents that he sat with them for 15 minutes, when he was really there for more like 45 minutes. He was wearing sweatpants underneath his jeans, why? » 

« You know, we only have one brain,  but there’s something abnormal about one.. » Government objects. 

« Remorse is not a logical emotion when you feel it’s something you had to do. You were looking for signs of remorse and you didn’t see very much of it. I’ll be the first to admit it.  He kept repeating that he had to do it.
Something else to think about, his isolation. Think about the isolation. These pictures… hundreds of them, none of them are a friend. He was so alone. Except there are hundreds of pictures of his cat. Animals are much easier to interpret than humans. » Government objects again.

« Consider where he came from… the whole story of this.. What else might be going on is what I suggest that you should be thinking about. Don’t think there has to be something mentally wrong » Government objects.

« A lot of people know about this crime. Out in the world people are entitled to make snap judgements. Dylann Roof is this or Dylann Roof is that. You have taken an oath to look beyond the surface to think everything through, to question everything. This might be the last time I get to speak to you. It is my job… until I can no longer speak, to ask you to look beyond the surface, to look again, does this make sense… Or is there something more? Is there more to the story? Are you sure? I consider it a privilege to stand here and do this. Approach your task with the same wisdom and the same grace displayed by Polly Sheppard on the witness stand yesterday morning. Ask why Dylann Roof, lost as he is, would do this. »  

plahntre  asked:

Hey i read your reply to the ask where someone asked how it was to navigate the world as a black jewish lesbian woman & you said that you dont feel safe in the LGBT+ community bc youre jewish & i was wondering why? I havent found many articles online that can tell me whats going on with that. Im merely curious & i havent heard anything about it despite being part of the lgbt community myself

I hope you don’t mind me answering this publicly, but it’s good to have on record incase anyone else is curious. 


I don’t feel safe in the LGBT community because of the rampant antisemitism that is masked under “we’re anti-zionist”, but instead has turned into a complete ban on jews and our symbols. The Chicago Dyke March & Chicago Slut Walk are both excellent examples of how jewish gays are asked to leave their jewishness at the door to be accepted in LGBT spaces. 

I really don’t have the words or the energy to get into how these spaces have operated towards my people, but here’s a bunch of links:

American Progressives are Rejecting Jews as Jews

CDM spouting N*zi rhetoric

A Jewish Trans Woman being Harassed for speaking out against CDM

CDM’s use of slurs against Jews.

And a personal piece someone wrote that I can get behind.

You should also just browse @tikkunolamorgtfo tag on CDM, a lot of great resources on what’s been going on can be found there.


I don’t know if you’re also jewish, but if you haven’t heard about it, there’s a reason why, the LGBT community has a very broad history with antisemitism that is never spoken about, we’re continually silenced and separated from parades and marches because of our judaism. 

Comparing the Magen David (one of our holy symbols) to the Swastika, something that both the CDM and Chicago Slut Walk did, is extremely antisemitic and wrong, I don’t think I really have to explain that.

Now sure, we could argue that these are isolated incidents, but when we have thousands of people agreeing, cheering on these statements, with the rise in antisemitism as a whole? Nah. The LGBT community has a serious antisemitism issue and I don’t feel safe in those spaces anymore.

He needs to stop holy shit.  It’s been covered that Darren Criss obviously just goes to events and talks about lgbt+ issues not only ignorantly but as a publicity point, because if he actually cared and wanted to help he’d do more than just show up and say incorrect information.  Maybe he’d donate like many other people do, or at least get his fucking facts straight.  But besides the fact that he just ‘all lives matter’ed the Trevor Project, he even still went on to talk about Blaine Anderson as if that guy helped anyone.

Did Blaine go through a struggle?  No.  Did he get held responsible for his actions?  No.  He was a horrible character and I have never seen or heard of anyone in the lgbt+ community say that he was a good representation.  I have seen several people talk about people they know and have seen online or even talked to briefly that are part of the community all say that even if they’re polar opposites they find Kurt to be better representation and more relatable because of his growth and actual struggles.

Blaine was just as much bullshit as Darren Criss himself, except Darren is trying to pass his character and himself off as better than they are.

The reason why you first found out about asexuality online, is because it has been very hard for asexuals to organize offline for years leading up to the internet. We did not have platforms like this until the mid-2000s.

Sure, we had forums here and there but they were slow-growing and harder to find since awareness of us was small. The reason why there seems to have been a “boom” in numbers among the asexual community could be that:

1) Asexual people weren’t organized into one place to this degree until recently, because the internet facilitates better organization due to how easy and flexible it is to use for communication.

2) People in general are becoming more aware of our existence, including asexual people who had no idea that their experiences were not isolated abnormalities but rather a real and valid identity.

3) Offline spaces for asexuals are sparse and given that the number of asexual people in the world is small by comparison to non-asexual identities, it’s not uncommon for some asexuals to never run into another asexual offline. 

I mean, that is in my humble opinion as an asexual person who has actually lived through these developments and who has actually had these experiences, but you know, what do I know? 

The internet is useful to every community, but it is especially useful and necessary to the asexual community. Flooding our tags (and every new tag we create) with anti-ace rhetoric cuts us off from our community. 

It is mentally and emotionally abusive, in that people enjoy causing us distress. It is manipulative, in that the goal is to force asexuals to doubt themselves and their experiences. There is no justification in saying “it’s just a tag.”

You are trying to dismantle a whole community meant to help asexual people, because you misunderstand, disagree with, and vehemently hate us or a few of us for ridiculous reasons. No argument in favor of this tactic is justifiable.  

Not only are asexuals being gate-kept from spaces they’ve been a part of prior to the internet, but they’re being gate-kept from their own resources, language, and spaces that asexuals have themselves developed. 

I don’t want to hear about how problematic the asexual community is, as a justification for dismantling our own community. If that logic were applied to every community, then all communities would be dismantled. 

There are problems in every community. Speaking over us, and policing how we organize and what resources we use doesn’t solve that. Discrediting us because the internet is where we primarily organize doesn’t solve that. 

You’re just being an ass, and you’re not here for any good cause. You were either raised into a discourse culture that condoned these tactics, or you took part in developing them to make yourself feel important.

The problem is with you. Not that asexuals primarily organize online. Not that asexuals use tags that help them communicate. Not that asexual people are discovering who they are online.

The problem is with you.

anonymous asked:

hiii, in regards to your post about straights in the drag community, i'm 16, queer and can't afford to go to shows as no queens perform near me, is it still possible for me to support them in another way? but i do agree with your point overall!!

lmao I didn’t realize that post was going around again. Okay so I wrote that when I was extremely pissed about all the lil cishet teenage girls I kept seeing in this fandom/community and while I still stand by what I said there are parts that I should have left out. Those being the shit about supporting their careers.

You can still help support your favorite queen by following them on their social media and being active with them on there whether it’s twitter or instagram. Because having a lot of followers actually does help them. And so does buying their merch. Obviously supporting them online doesn’t do as much as going to shows but them having a good number of followers opens them up to many different opportunities.

Another way you can help support them is even if you’re underage is that you can call around to LGBTQ clubs/bars in your area and request that they bring certain queens to you. That’s how they get gigs. If the clubs know people want to see these queens they will try to book them.

As for being underage and unable to go to shows I would suggest befriending folks on tumblr. There are plenty of shows that are all ages and having a friend to go with would make the situation a lot easier for you.

My Story

The only reason I ever created a account with Tumblr in first place was because, I wanted more access to the website, and all the great content on it. But after being a part of the Tumblr community for a while I discovered it wasn’t just another social media website. It was different a great place to connect with people who are obsessed with the same fandoms. A place to make really good online friends who are there for you when nobody in your real life is, and so much more. Because of the my Tumblr friends I gained the courage to almost start my own blog and put my own great content. But in the end neither happened because I lost my courage and creativity. It just vanished and I let it because I was going through a time in my life where everything seemed hopeless.

What I did do though was join a RP blog that caught my attention and held it for the longest. The plot is super awesome and it gave the chance to somewhat dive back into my creativity. By thinking up characters with a life story and everything. I’m proud to say I’m still part of that RP today. Even though I took a break sometimes or slacked off. But now I’m at the point in my life where I’m kind of ready to start writing again and just being the real me. Some things on my Tumbmr will change like the description(which is nonexistent right now). Maybe the name cause I feel like can be better because. I never really did put much thought into the name in the first place. I might actually start posting my own content. Whatever I do it will be to make my Tumblr what I always wanted it to be.

I don’t know why I’m posting this its not like I have a lot of followers or anything. I just felt telling anyone who will read this a little bit about my Tumblr journey. To all my friends on Tumblrs and followers thank you for being here with me, and I hope I don’t disappoint any of you in the near future.

something I realized at pride today was that people can deny aces places in the community all they want, but it barely even matters because we are already here. I saw so many ace flags at pride, and it made me so happy to see that all this tumblr bull about “the discourse” doesn’t carry over into real life. everyone I saw with an ace flag, sticker, tank, whatever, came over and said hi, shouted “ace pride”, or just nodded in my direction. and it was so. good. it was just kind of refreshing to see actual, living, aces, especially since most of the time I’ve been a part of this community it’s been online.

~Mod Foxy

Preliminary Observations and Thoughts on Fe and ESFJs

Disclaimer: These are my completely unbaked not even fully mixed together yet ideas, concepts, and thoughts based on my own research so far and my own subjective experiences with ESFJs and Fe users. This is not intended to offend or upset anyone, but rather simply my attempt to start to understand better.

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t exactly have a plethora of people in my life and the list of people who I know intimately is even shorter, but within the 6 people I would consider at least casual friends, 3 of them are ESFJs. Now, it is fairly common knowledge in the typology community that ESFJs are considered to be one of the most common personality types - The most common type among women depending on who’s doing the statistics. So why is it that they are all but absent from the online community?

Part of this I’m willing to attribute to the general lack of SJ types in online typology communities - a phenomenon I have asked the SJs in my life about many times and concluded is simply because broad conceptual and theoretical topics are often of little interest to them until it can be shown to have some sort of concrete benefit or application. I think there’s more to it than just that though. Its my suspicion that there are a combination of factors present here - first, I think there is a good chance that many are mistyping, and second, I think the community’s collective descriptions of Fe are sorely lacking in depth and accuracy (and I’m not the first person to notice).

To address the mistyping suspicion; All three of the ESFJs in my life had the exact same response to my initial attempts to type them. When presented with a forced choice indicator (as most online indicators are), it only takes one or two questions before I get this response;

What if I can’t pick one? I don’t think either of these is any better than the other because it would depend on the situation.

When pressed further on this statement, or if I try encouraging them to choose the one they feel is more natural for them, they bristle even more and all clarified the same concept;

Well I think both of these are important, but which one is more important is completely dependent on the situation and who you are dealing with. Every context is different so you use different criteria for every situation. You can’t judge two things on the same criteria unless they are the same thing.

So often my initial attempts didn’t even get to the point of finishing the indicator. Even in the one case where the person did finish the indicator, she was so tense from having to pick between two criteria without knowing the context that she wasn’t really interested in learning much more at the time.

The second attempt at typing was equally fascinating for me. Since I am an extraverted typology nerd, just being in my general vicinity on a regular basis is enough to pick up the general concept of what personality type theory is. So after a month or two, my ESFJ friends would express interest in learning their type (I think its because they’re really nice and have decided that this is something that I’m really into and they could make me happy by letting me figure out their type), but now with at least a basic understanding of what the tests are measuring [enter bias].

So the second time they take the indicator not a single one of them types as ESFJ (We have since determined ESFJ by discussing cognitive functions with each). I couldn’t help but notice that the types they did test as were very much in line with gender stereotypes and biases. Suddenly my three ESFJs were now one ESFP (female), one ENFP (female), and one ESTJ/ENTJ(male). Now, far be it from me to try to tell anyone what type they are - I firmly believe that only you can truly type yourself because only you live in your head - but I know a couple of ESFPs, a couple ENFPs, a couple ESTJs, and even an ENTJ, and I had a hard time believing these women were FPs and that this man was a TJ.

I have read before that it is not uncommon for ESFJs to mistype along gender lines - females often as ExFPs because that is more characteristic of the “fun, bubbly female”, and males often as ExTJs because that is more characteristic of the “unemotional in charge man”. I think this is because dominant Fe does a whole lot more than make ExFJs aware of the emotions of others - I think it makes them extremely aware of the expectations that others place on them. 

More than that, I think that Fe-doms are constantly aware of what is valued in a given context, and then feel a need to conform with those values. What we often forget is that in any given context what is valued is also what is effective and true. Now, that is certainly not always the case - there are plenty of situations in which what is valued is ineffective or untrue, but then that begs the question “Is it really helpful to insist on effectiveness or accuracy if the context is one in which no one agrees with you?”. And I think that is the amazing wisdom that we so easily gloss over when it comes to Fe-doms. 

Say what you will about Fe being a “chameleon” function, but I think it is the epitome of naturally knowing what is appropriate for the context. There are a couple of phrases my NP-heavy family used a lot growing up that I think highlights the comparative deficiency in other types when it comes to this area;

“Not the venue” and “Pick your battles”

Fe-doms seem to effortlessly know when it is the right time and place and when it is not. They seem to know exactly what is expected of them without anyone directly telling them. 

They also seem very very very uncomfortable with having to make a subjective judgement of something without knowing how anybody else feels about it. The only way I can really understand this easily is by comparing it to my own extraverted thinking. I know it makes me uncomfortable when someone asks me to make a statement of fact and I have not been given the opportunity to reference external sources (and often I find I resort to my Fi and whether that “feels” true), so I can understand how making a subjective statement of value (what is better or more important) would be uncomfortable for an Fe-dom who is not given the opportunity to reference contextual values.

So let me know what you think. How many ESFJs do you know? Does any of this ring true for your experiences? Am I totally off base with my ideas?

coming out

i am a pansexual trans boy.

there it is. i’ve said it. i’ve been struggling with my gender identity and sexuality for a long time and now i finally feel like i’m ready to accept myself for who i am. 

it’s been a wild ride for me - it was about 2 years ago when i learnt that lgbtq+ community exists and there’s more sexualities than gay and straight and being non-cis is possible. since this amazing discovery i questioned everything because suddenly that there’s a word that describes the reason i never felt like i ever fitted in.

i had much more trouble admitting to myself that i am not cis than i had admitting i’m not straight. before discovering the lgbtq+ community i met people who didn’t identify as straight (few gay men, not a single lesbian or other), but i never met anyone who didn’t identify as cis. everyone around me was (still is tho) always so cis-sexist and cis-normative and they always managed to remind that these amazing gender roles exist (“you’re so smart for a girl”, "if you’ll keep having short hair people will think you’re a boy”,etc.). 

i feel like deep inside i always knew i don’t feel 100% like a girl but the reason why i had such hard time accepting it is because it has never occured that it’s okay to not be cis. no one ever came to me and said it’s fine and how could i know it’s okay to be something i didn’t knew that existed?

first after realizing i may not be cis, i started questiong my gender identity constantly. just thinking about it made me anxious because i felt like it’s not “normal”. my thoughts were: everyone around me is cis, so why i am not like them? is there something wrong with me? 

it felt scary to put a label trans boy at myself so i sticked with non-binary for about a year and half. even tho i told one friend that i am a trans boy over a year ago, i kept labelling myself as nb. it felt easier, less far from who i was supposed and taught to be - a girl. 

one other thing that i used as an argument for myself was that i am attracted to girls. i told myself that i’m probably just a lesbian and the only reason why i think i am a boy was because i like girls. this is how much i was influenced by straight hetero-normative media and society.

i was taught that girl liking girls is wrong and not-normal so i told myself this why i must think i am a boy - just trying to find excuse for not being straight. i was very wrong. at some point i learnt that sexuality and gender have nothing to do with each other and you can be attracted to whoever you’re attracted to regardless of your gender identity. also i learnt i’m attracted to people regardless of gender (pansexual more like pansurprise).

then it was time to question my gender identity again. i had it on my mind for few last months but something must have happened because in last month i thought about it constantly and i mean that fucking literally. there was practically no time in a day when it hadn’t occured in my mind.

it was very stressful for me. i have been suicidal, depressed, disassociating and socially anxious for over a year now, but it just suddenly got worst with realizing that admitting that i am in fact a pansexual trans boy means, if anyone in real life finds out, losing friends, being called slurs, people gossiping and insulting me behind my back, being a victim of bullying and other and maybe even worse stuff.

the place where i live isn’t exactly accepting of lgbtq+ community you know. and that really scared me and still does. that’s why i don’t plan to tell my family any time soon or anyone in real life actually. but i feel like i am ready to tell you, online people. so many of my mutuals and blogs i follow are part of the lgbtq+ community and seeing so many of you just existing makes me feel kinda safe because you’re there and that means i am not alone. 

i feel like i am ready to be me and that feels really good to be able to say. so yeah, i am trans and pansexual and also hella cute and also very grateful for everyone who ever messaged and tried to cheered me up and just generally was nice to me. being for once supported for who i am felt great :)

anonymous asked:

Hey, I've been playing league for a little while but then I gave up because the community and I'm really not good at it. My boyfriend plays it religiously and instead of getting mad at him, I want to be a part of it with him and play with him but he gets mad at how bad I am and people online make fun of me, I can't help but to take it to heart. Not to mention almost all of my friends play it and I feel so left out I could cry. Do you have any ideas or links to help me get better or understand??

Play on your own get good at impress them. You don’t need to be good at multiple champions just play one and research and spectate challenger and diamond players play that one champ and copy. If they get mad at you, don’t put up with it tell them to fuck off and someday show that you’re better then them or just as good

Of course that’s just what I would do, it’s hard to think in otherwise when you’re the best like me. Have confidence and have fun with your own play

Finding Yourself

A common question among those who identify somewhere on the wide canvas of gender identity beyond “The parts I was born with say I am” is “how do I know what I am?”

The simple and most true answer is unfortunately also the least helpful:

You just know.

Since that’s not helpful, I’ll talk about my own gender identity and the not so straight path to getting comfortable with myself.

I was born a boy, and for around 16 years, that’s all I ever considered. Part of that came from growing up in a fairly conservative home, part of it just being the type to not care about gender or sexuality.

Around 17, though, was the first time I was misgendered in a way that WASN’T intended to belittle me. A simple “You go, girl” from a friend whom I had never discussed my gender with. After explaining myself, and she apologizing, profusely, we laughed it off. It wasn’t a big deal, I was secure in myself.

Around this time, I also got into a fairly permissive version of neopaganism. The person I paired with often for magical tasks was a woman, except the energies we used and parts we played were opposite our given gender: I was the feminine, and she was the masculine.

Then I started roleplaying as women online. I was incredibly good at this. To the point that one community didn’t even suspect I wasn’t a woman at the keyboard.

In addition, over the years, I was often enough called miss or ma’am that it became a running joke. I absolutely loved it. Not to humiliate people, but it made me feel good when it happened.

I’m going to break my story here because all of the above? These should have been hints. Had I been as involved in the LGBT community then as I am now, I’d have known almost immediately. But here I am, and I’ve got ten more years until now. So if you think something looks obvious in retrospect, you’re probably right. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

I got married, had a couple of kids, and due to some domestic violence and emotional abuse, ended up separating, and eventually divorcing, my ex-wife. I ended up playing mom and dad to my kids.

Over the years following my marriage, I saw a counselor, I went to school, I learned to love me for me. And that’s about the time I realized I wasn’t comfortable as a man. At all. I didn’t know WHAT I was, but I wasn’t the guy I was born and socialized to be. PArt of this realization came from finally listening to my transgender friends and realizing how much of their before story was familiar. Part of it was learning more about dysphoria. And part of it was really coming to terms with things that made me uncomfortable in day to day life. Like being lumped in with the guys. For anything.

Eventually, I started identifying as genderqueer. I KNEW I had feminine days. I knew I had more masculine days, and most days I wasn’t sure which was more likely.

I kept that ID for about a year, until very recently in fact, when I realized, my “I would rather be a woman” days were actually the rule, and not the exception. And so I decided to start looking at a new name, and asked a circle of very close friends to call me she/her. And you know what? It felt really good.

I know this is a bit long, and but context is important: I figured out my identity because deep down, I knew. But it took a lot of self education, some experimentation, and some time to heal from the hurt I suffered to really understand it.

TL;DR:

  • Educate yourself. Knowing what’s out there, and what others going through it have felt will help!
  • Experiment. You don’t have to be afraid to try on pronouns for a day or a week or a month. Try a nickname of your desired gender. Don’t worry, it’s normal!
  • Reflect. Hard to believe, but people in general are REALLY bad at self reflection. Take some time for yourself, think about it.
  • Get help. Get a support structure, don’t be afraid of medical professionals, and know everything is easier when you’re healthy. (Don’t worry about putting it off until you’re healthy though!)

PS:

This is actually the first time I’ve publicly announced myself as a woman. So, hi everyone, she/her pronouns, if you please.

like yes we could focus on all of the bad people in wizard101 -

the people who are rude, who call each other names, who make fun of people who are a lower level or have a worse pet, who rip people off for gifts or treasure cards, and all of the millions of mean and cruel things people do to other people they’ll never truly know just because they can

or we could focus on all of the other people -

the people who hit max level but still hang out in wizard city just to help those who need it, who have great pets and always hatch when asked, who text chat random people nice things, who always give away treasure cards to those who ask for them, who read every part of the dialogue just because they love the storyline so much, who always skip the dialogue because they never want to slow their friends down, and all of the millions of people who are kind to other people that they’ll never truly know just because they can be

and it’s that second group of people that makes wizard101 a community that i love being a part of

in online gaming especially, i think it’s very easy to be mean or cruel to people because there are no repercussions, and I’m always so taken aback by the millions of people who continue to do the right thing every single day so shout out to all of you