and also one of our bathrooms

anonymous asked:

I dare you to tell another story from the apartment

ALRIGHT BOYS GIRLS AND EVERYONE WHO THINKS THE GENDER BINARY IS FOR SQUARES IT’S STORY TIME.

Today, we’re going to talk about the time Paul’s desire for superior firepower turned into a mini arms race that ended with me setting Eric on fire with a homemade flamethrower.

No, Matt Boomer, you sexy motherfucker, I am not kidding you. Let’s begin with some details.

So when I was at the University of Iowa, several people, including myself, bought Nerf guns for impromptu battles in the hallways when we had free time. Mostly this was all good, clean fun, except for two of the guys down the hall, my roommate, and I.

We all thought, rightfully so, that factory built Nerf guns are bullshit. They’re weak, darts are too fucking light, the barrels cause too much friction, which makes them inaccurate and slow, and you have to re-cock them after each shot. That’s some fucking bullshit right there. So we fixed it.

We bought new, higher tensile springs. We bought PVC pipe and lubricant. We put BBs in the tips of our darts, and my roommate and even put in a second spring to automatically cock the gun, essentially turning them from bolt action pieces of shit into semi-automatic friendship-ruiners.

So when I moved back to Chicago, and into the apartment, I obviously brought my Nerf guns (my roommate gave me his when we moved out), and I obviously attacked my roommates the first opportunity I had. OBVIOUSLY this led to everyone buying Nerf guns and modifying the shit out of them.

However, some of us were terrible shots, so certain measures had to be taken to make it possible for them to keep up. Brad practiced in his room every day, Josh built an extended clip for his gun, and Kyle bought the fucking Vulcan and built a 600 dart belt for it because he decided aiming is for people who can’t fire 6 darts a second (he modded it for doubled firing speed using a small car battery and replaced mechanics).

And then there was Paul.

Paul was fucking terrible. Like almost so bad it couldn’t be for real. He once tried to ambush me coming around a corner from 2 feet away and missed by a good 6-7 inches. He literally could have slapped me and he missed. Whatever moving on.

So Paul decides to solve his aim problems in the most Paul way possible: online shopping. He bought 500 foam pellets for a marshmallow gun, two dozen foam discs, and a motherfucking t-shirt cannon.

You see, Paul, much like Kyle, decided aiming was for lames. So he would pour foam pellets into the cannon until it was half full, slip in a disc to keep them from falling out, then shotgun people in the face. I was his first victim and boy let me tell you that shit is terrifying.

So Paul became the big dog in the house during Nerf battles, and the rest of us found ourselves unable to compete. So we all escalated in our own insane ways. Eric and I, the former champions, modified our guns to fire faster, Brad added an extended magazine to his gun, Kyle built a harness so that he could shoot his fucking stupid fucking bullet-storm piece of shit while moving. Josh booby-trapped various parts of our apartment. Suddenly, we were all better than Paul again, so he decided to step his game up.

He started making paper cartridges that would explode open once fired. Suddenly, he could actually fire multiple times a minute, which meant once again, he was at the top. It didn’t help that our reluctance to shoot back out of fear of getting shot was allowing him to take his time, therefore drastically improving his aim.

So we stepped up again. I smooth out the cocking mechanism on my guns, improving my firing speed even faster. Eric adds more weight to his darts, making them heavier and faster and much more painful. Kyle buys a bigger battery, newer parts, and he perfects his belts, which increases his firing speed to 12 darts a second.

So Paul steps up to take advantage of his improved aim and buys something called a Pucker Chucker which basically is a t-shirt cannon except it shoots foam pucks. This means we can’t just shoot at him from the other side of the apartment anymore, so we all step up again. I modify the rail on top to make aiming easier, Eric modifies his grip to make it more comfortable, Kyle and brad modify their barrels to make them more accurate, and Josh jumps on board the crazy train and builds a goddamn under barrel cherry bomb launcher.

And this is where shit starts to spiral out of control.

Brad starts making smoke grenades, Kyle solves his weakness against close quarters combat by using his battery to create a cattle prod to keep people back. Eric breaks the head off an old golf club to use the shaft as a weapon, I put pins in the tips of all of my darts, and Paul realizes that the Pucker Chucker can also shoot real hockey pucks after he steals my bucket of pucks from my room.

So it escalated a couple more steps but I’m going to leave them out partially out of a desire to keep moving forward and partially out of shame anywhoozle when we pull out our final contraptions and modifications that day we shifted from light-hearted fun that was a bit too far to literally combat. Josh had a sword. I don’t know where he got it from.

That battle was terrifying. Our normal fights were like an hour, two hours tops, then we would clean up, get together in the living room with some beers, and laugh about what happened. Honestly we should have known this was going to happen because when we did this after our previous fight, the laughter was less “haha remember when I shot Josh in the butthole? Classic.” and more “haha remember when I missed your face with that puck? Next time I won’t miss.

So we somehow get into a battle again and this time things go south quickly which is bound to happen when you have a dude in a speedo swinging a sword around while rolling fireworks down the hall. It was literally chaos. There were fireworks and homemade smoke grenades and Kyle made the electrical current in his cattle prod too strong and it was too close to the muzzle of his Vulcan so every few seconds you would just see a flaming dart wiz past and I built a fucking flamethrower and I don’t know what the fuck is going on so I’m just firing it in the general direction of Josh to keep him the fuck away. At some point Brad barricades himself in his room, and so we all run back to our rooms and hide.

We do this for three days. THREE DAYS. I missed classes. We all had junk food in our rooms, and private bathrooms, so that’s what we sustained ourselves on for three fucking days. I, however, try to eat healthy, so I ran out of food almost immediately. After not eating for a day and a half, with food literally less than 50 feet from where I was hiding, I decided that I was willing to risk a trip to the kitchen.

So here’s something important about our apartment: I was the only one who knew how to cook. I had tried to teach the others, but all that had accomplished was several kitchen fires. This meant when Eric also ran out of food, he knew the only way to get a meal was to make peace with me. So he had snuck down the hall to my door, intent on asking me for help.

I did not know he was there.

So when I opened the door and saw a crouching figure in the shadows nearby, I assumed, I think justifiably, that it was the guy who had been swinging a sword at all of us the last time I saw him. So I pulled the trigger on my homemade flamethrower, only to see Eric’s horrified face illuminated by the flames for a split second before they hit his torso.

Luckily, I was using a scavenged fuel source (computer screen cleaner), so the flames were weak, but still fire is fire and fire fucking hurts. So Eric is rolling on the floor with first degree burns on his stomach and chest, and I’m freaking out because Eric is my friend and I just set him on fire, so there is now a lot of screaming coming from the hall.

Now, to lighten the mood slightly, here’s a personality test. You hear the sounds of fire, followed shortly by screaming coming from the hall outside your room. What do you do?

Do you assume the crazy sword guy has finally snapped and is going to kill you all, so you climb out the window onto the fire escape? Congratulations, you’re Brad.

Do you hear the cries of pain and grab a first aid kit before sprinting into the hall to help? Hey! You’re Kyle!

Do you hear the flames so you sprint into the kitchen to grab the fire extinguisher? You are Paul.

Do you come out into the hall to see what’s going on but also bring your sword just in case you have to stab someone? You are Josh and also mentally unstable please put your sword away.

So Kyle comes out and he and I start administering first aid and luckily through a combination of the weakness of my fuel source, how quickly I stopped the flames, and the quickness of our treatments, Eric only gets some first degree burns on his torso. Paul puts out the last of the flames, Josh decides he doesn’t want to stab anyone today, and Brad decides that the lack of screaming is a good thing and he comes inside. I spend the next hour apologizing profusely while cooking everyone dinner, and we decide that hey we should probably have some rules for our Nerf fights to prevent this from ever happening again.

So we all eat, we establish rules about modifications and ammunition, and at the end of it all, we grab some beers, head into the living room, and tell Josh he needs to get rid of the sword seriously dude where did you get that from?

Handyman

Handyman (m)

Word count: 9.4k

Genre/Warnings: smut, angst, sub!Jimin, dirty talk

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Summary: Jimin is your landlord’s son. After one stressful day he comes to fix your shower for you. You find yourself constantly thinking about him. Could he be the perfect submissive? (here’s some lovely Jimin moans for the occasion: credit to owner)

I’ve been working on this for forever so i’m excited about it! :)

Parts:  one | two | three 

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Gender neutral bathrooms are important.

In 8th grade (year 9) I realised I was trans

I came out to the teachers, administration and most of my friends because my school advertised itself as liberal and LGBT friendly.

It wasn’t.

Not two weeks later, the school changed our previously gender neutral bathrooms to gendered ones. There was a little pretty pink sign for the girls and a blue one for the boys. Being nonbinary (masc leaning) and being incredibly uncomfortable using both, I still struggled to speak out.

When I finally did, I brought it up with a member of student council. He was sympathetic and promised to bring it up in the next meeting. The bathrooms didn’t change back to what they were. I asked him about it. He said that the teacher in charge of student council (who was also part of the LGBT community) had said it was pointless because, “It only benefits one student!”

And that’s when I lost faith.

A school that had promised to protect me refused to take a damn sign off a bathroom. A school that had advertised itself as LGBT friendly failed to protect a kid who was trans. It wasn’t so hard to acknowledge what this shit was doing to my mental health and for a school that “cared” so much, it did so little. I felt singled out and “different” and maybe I was. I was too young to really understand why it upset me so much but whatever self esteem I had left, the school destroyed. Don’t promise to protect already vulnerable kids only to fuck them over when they need you most.

This still fucks me up to this day.

There are people in even worse situations. There are people who straight up feel threatened using the bathrooms. There are people who feel unsafe. There are laws restricting trans kids from using the bathroom they feel most comfortable in.

So I’m asking you now. If you have the opportunity to protect a trans kid, do it. We face under representation and are just seen as less important. Even people within the LGBT community treat us badly and that’s saying something. So please, if you can, be nice. Be supportive. Understand. Don’t do what my school did.

Masterlist - Updated 30/4/17

Originally posted by sebastiansource

- read my masterlist here . Please come and let me know your favourites -

Series

Training With Bucky - A series of connected one shots of what’s like to train with Bucky Barnes based off these headcanons here - Part 1

Ficmas - A series of christmas drabbles - Masterlist

Daddy Drabbles - A series of drabbles which detail the adventures of our favourite characters as fathers - Masterlist

100 Kinks - 100 kinky drabbles to celebrate Bucky’s 100th birthday (smut)

Front Line Love - Reader a nurse during WW2 finds herself at the same camp as Bucky. - Part 1, Part 2 (smut)

Riding in cars with boys - A smutty drabble series featuring all our favourite Sebastian Stan characters in cars, so come along for the ride. - Part 1: Carter

Bucky x Reader- Prompt drabbles

“I’m tired of being your secret”/“Sometimes, there is nothing better than some good old-fashioned, no string attached fucking” (SMUT)

“Will you just tell me the truth?”

“You don’t need to protect me”/“Didn’t realise I needed your permission”

“I think you’ll be happy to know that I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..”

Bucky + knives + dirty talk (SMUT)

Under the table at black tie gala (SMUT")

“It’s Christmas, don’t be mad at me.”

“Welcome to fatherhood”

“Stop being so cute”

“How is my wife more badass than me?”

“I’m not buying IKEA furniture again.”

Keep reading

Buy your own toilet paper next time.

Our small business shares a bathroom with another small business. A separate tenant in the same building has their own bathroom, but also access to ours due to fire escape routes.

For the past year, any spare toilet paper roll in our bathroom has disappeared CONSISTENTLY every Friday night.

Also, the bathroom would usually smell of smoke (tobaccy and whacky) on Monday mornings.

I don’t like to complain, but the other tenant did, even though our biz buys the toilet paper (yes, it is in the lease that of the two tenants, our biz must supply and clean the bathroom, as well as maintain the exterior sidewalk).

In response to the other tenant’s complaint, the landlord had the maintenance guys install one of those battery-operated locks on the bathroom door.

Here’s the problem: that other tenant with their own bathroom? The maintenance guys.

Obviously the toilet paper and smoke problems continued after the lock.

Yesterday, I left a new spare roll in the usual spot in the bathroom, but this time had soaked a single line of this “horseradish, capsaicin, and wintergreen” nasal spray into the roll. I even left the bottle on the sink counter, next to the hand soap pump bottle, and a note [for other tenant, but visible to all] that said “don’t use the roll under the sink, text me first”

Just got a text from head maintenance guy: “FUCK I thought you were on our side not [Other Tenant]’s. J[*****] went to the ER thinking he was dying, they say it was something in the toilet paper”

Burns, don’t it?

The birds & the bees

A/N: Someone requested this from somebody else who didn’t wanna write it & I couldn’t help myself. Reader walks in on Dean with a lady friend & the boys have to explain what was happening.

Dean’s age-22   Sam’s age-18   Reader’s age-8

Dean x Sister!Reader    Sam x Sister!Reader

Originally posted by mylife-in--color

Originally posted by writingissatansworstnightmare

“Why can’t we go to the library?” You asked as you hurried to keep up with your older brother walking down the sidewalk.

“I already told you Y/N,” Sam replied, looking behind him he noticed you were struggling at the rate he was walking and slowed down, “Gimme your backpack.” He told you as he reached for it.

You quickly took off your old green hand-me-down backpack and gave it to Sam, “Thanks Sammy. That was heavy.”

“No problem.” Sam replied as he shrugged it onto his shoulder, “Let’s go, I wanna get back to the motel so I can start my project.”

“Okay, but why can’t we go to the library. I wanted to get more books on animals, if I’m gonna be a vetra-vetrana-what’s the word again?” You questioned.

“Veterinarian.” Sam answered, “And we aren’t going to the library because they’re closed today; they’re renovating the ceilings.”

“Ohhhhh.” You exaggerated, “Will you help me with my math homework when we get home?”

“Course, we gotta get you through third grade math before you can be a vet.” Sam told you with a smile.

“Thanks Sammy.” You said, returning the smile he gave you which showed off the gap in your front teeth.

“No problem bug, now…race you to the motel room!” Sam shouted as you rounded the corner into the motel parking lot.

You took off as fast as you could; Sam was close behind you, however you had the advantage since he was being weighed down by two backpacks. As you approached the motel door you looked behind, “Too slow to keep up Sammy!” You shouted as him before turning back towards the door and quickly swinging it open so that you could gloat about beating your brother to Dean.

Stepping inside you started to talk to your oldest brother, “Dean! You won’t bel-what are you doing to that lady?” You questioned with a confused face when you realized Dean head was between her legs.

Keep reading

SEVENTEEN Members Open Up About The Unique Experiences That Come With Being A Big Group

On June 7, SEVENTEEN’s Seungkwan, The8, Woozi, Wonwoo, Jeonghan, and Joshua made a special guest appearance on SBS LoveFM’s “Yoon Hyung Bin and Yang Se Hyung’s Two Man Show.”

The MCs explained that due to the size of their radio booth, they could only invite six of the 13 members. When asked why they had  been chosen as the six to appear on the show, the members laughed as they replied, “We decided that the most handsome members should come. All of the members are pretty confident about their looks, so everyone was volunteering to come here.”

They also said, “The other members are preparing for a broadcasted show we’ll be on after this,” while Joshua added, “I was able to join this group of six by a hair’s breadth. The first person chosen was Joshua. He’s definitely the most handsome [of the group].”

SEVENTEEN has recently been winning at various music shows, and the members were asked how their agency’s CEO has been reacting. They said, “He’s really happy. He hugs us and gives us words of encouragement. He even takes us out for dinner at bbq restaurants.” This led to the story that SEVENTEEN once ate 80 portions of grilled meat when they won their first rookie award. The members clarified, “It wasn’t just us members, we were joined by our staff as well. When we made our debut, our goal was to win an award for best rookie group. We did just that and our CEO was really happy.”

The members also opened up about how hectic life is in their dorms with so many members. Asked how all 13 of them take showers in one house, they explained, “We have three bathrooms. When we’re busy, two or three people will be in a bathroom at a time. In the beginning, we used to joke around and put shampoo bubbles on each other’s heads. But now that we’ve known each other for a while, we don’t do that anymore because we want to clean up quickly and go to bed.”

They also shared, “There have been times when we accidentally forgot a member on the way to a scheduled activity. We’d round up all the members but there would sometimes be a member who’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth or something. Our managers have a difficult job.”

When questioned whether they’ve ever fought while living together, SEVENTEEN revealed, “We’ve never had any big problems when working together, but we’ve fought from time to time about small things outside of work. We have a lot of difficulty when it comes to eating because our opinions on menu choices can differ greatly. We do try to all go to one restaurant together, sometimes we might split up and go to two different restaurants, but we try to stick together.”

The members also shared their secrets to a peaceful dorm life, including tips on getting everyone’s laundry done by doing it separately and making sure toothbrushes didn’t get mixed up.

soompi

The Worlds Greatest Detective

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x Reader

Request: Hey there:) can I request something where Bruce comes back from patrol frustrated because the trail he was tracking went cold or something so the reader helps him blow off some steam? Can it be a little smutty please? Thanks;)

Description: After going on a wild goose chase with none other than The Riddler, Bruce returns frustrated and defeated. Y/N attempts to make her lover feel better, but only one thing can make him feel like himself and clear his mind. 

Smut: yep! 

Words: 2266

Requests are open!

Masterlist

Originally posted by writers-square

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Well, it’s that time of year again. School is just around the corner. In about a month, you’ll be starting your first official year as a college student! Let’s be real, you’re probably feeling some weird combination of terrified, excited, nauseous, and strangely independent, all of which is very confusing (as if moving, starting at a new school, and meeting 5000 new people in one day isn’t confusing enough). So, what can we do about this weird combination of feelings? 

Well, for one, I can offer you some sage wisdom (or something like that). You see, not only is this about to be my fourth (count ‘em, fourth) rodeo, but I specialize in helping incoming freshmen. I spent a year and a half as an RA, and I’ve spent the past year as an ambassador for my college of engineering, literally having the sole purpose of helping incoming and existing freshmen learn the ropes.

So, buckle up, because (and this is a long one, folks) here are Sam’s 20 pieces of advice:

  1. Make sure you have almost everything you’ll need for your dorm. Keep in mind that wherever you’re going will have stores, a fact your parents will point out multiple times, but also remind them that people will be coming from far away places, and they should get first dibs at the Wal-Mart shower caddies. (exception: if you are the one coming from a far away place)
  2. Play tetris with your stuff before the morning you move. Chances are you have a lot of junk, so don’t try to figure out how to make it all fit in the back of your hatchback the morning you head to school. Take some time in the days leading up to the move to make sure you have boxes that will actually fit in the back of your car.
  3. On the same note, don’t overpack. You need a lot less stuff than you think you do, I promise.
  4. Know that everyone is just as terrified/excited/nauseous/independent/confused as you are. You aren’t alone in this one. Which is strangely comforting.
  5. Once you get there, take note of what your RA actually looks like. I noticed this with my own residents, that even though I did their check in or filled out their paperwork, they didn’t realize I was the RA until about two weeks in. If you’re not sure who they are, or if they’re even an RA, let alone yours, just ask them. Once you figure out which one belongs to you, memorize their face so you know who to go to for help.
  6. Keep an open mind. Whether you’re meeting your new roommates for the first time or you were mildly concerned by your new neighbor across the hall, don’t make any opinions about anyone before you give them at least a week. Everyone is still figuring everything out, just like you, so don’t be too quick to judge.
  7. Let your parents/guardians/grown ups clean your room when you get there. They may not want to, but if they’re anything like my mother, they’ll only say they don’t want to and then start vacuuming and wiping down every surface they can find. Don’t try to stop them, just let it happen. They’re nesting for their little chick and it’s helping them feel better about abandoning you in a strange place.
  8. Don’t eat dinner alone in your room your first night. You don’t necessarily have to go out anywhere, you can eat Easy Mac, but see if your RA has anything planned or if there’s anything happening on campus. If not, take your Easy Mac or freezer dinner to the lounge and see who’s around.
  9. Introduce yourself to as many people as possible. It is perfectly valid to not remember their name during the first week, and this is one of the few times in your life it will be socially acceptable to ask everyone to remind you of their name 3 times in a row. But even if you can’t remember their name, you’ll recognize their face and feel more comfortable approaching them if you see them around campus.
  10. Find something that you’re passionate about and join a club or organization. I always tell my freshmen residents, as well as any incoming freshman I take on a tour to find at least two things they’re extremely passionate about. Find something within your college, like a professional society for your major, but also find something else. Whether that’s an intramural team or a hobby club (my favorites on our campus are the Lumberjack Club and the Cat Club), find what makes you happy and can give you a break from all of your classes. Now, keep i mind that you can join more than two clubs or organizations, but practice some moderation here. You don’t want to overextend yourself. You’re still trying to figure out where the nearest bathroom is from all your classes, you don’t need to try to conquer campus.
  11. Befriend an upperclassman. Preferably one in your major, but any will work just fine. What you’re looking for here is someone you feel comfortable asking weird questions to, like “SOS, I’m so lost where do I go from here,” or “Wait, which building was it where I can’t take the front stairs?” Also, they’ll usually have material from whatever classes you’re taking that they will be willing to pass on to you.
  12. Don’t put stuff off. It may not seem like a lot, but it definitely piles up. This applies to homework, joining that club, talking to that cute kid in your class, or confronting someone about that thing that upset you. Just shut up and do it.
  13. The only people you should worry about impressing are your parents and yourself. Make them proud, and make yourself proud, and you will have accomplished everything you should have set out to do during your time in college. Your GPA does not define you. It’s just a number.
  14. If the people you meet at orientation don’t become your BFFs, it’s not the end of the world. You have so much time ahead of you to meet the people that will stay in your life for years to come, so don’t stress about meeting them now.
  15. Be aware of those around you. For most of you, this will be your first time sharing a bedroom with another human, so be aware that they have lives and feelings, too. No one needs to hear you fornicating at 3 am. Also think about the other people in classes with you. Be respectful of not only your time, but the time of those around you as well. 
  16. Learn how to bake awesome cookies. Everyone will love you. Note: any baked goods will suffice.
  17. Call home every now and then. Your family wants to hear from you and make sure you’re still alive and feeding yourself properly, so check in every now and then.
  18. DO NOT go home your first two weeks of college. You’ll be homesick, and that’s normal and expected, but I promise you that it will only be worse if you give in and go home. Besides, you’ll miss out on all sorts of opportunities to meet new people and get plugged in on campus.
  19. You might fail your first exam and that is just fine. I literally got a 22% on the first exam I ever took in college, and they’ve let me stick around for 3 whole years. College is different than high school, and the grades may be lower than you’ve been used to. Just power through and keep working hard and everything will be just fine.
  20. Ask for help if you need it. I don’t care what kind of help you need, but you can’t get it unless you ask for it. Whether it’s in your personal life or class, there is a human who exists for the sole purpose of helping you through anything you’ve got going on, so call your mom, approach your RA, go to your professor’s office hours. The resources are there, you just need to know where to look for them. 

Now that you’ve read this, get off Tumblr and go introduce yourself to someone new (unless you aren’t on campus yet, in which case, keep doing what you’re doing).

Alrighty, that’s all I’ve got for now. Good luck to all of you, you’re going to rock the socks of your freshman year. Let me know how it goes!

My favorite parts of the movie, Call Me by Your Name

This is INSANELY long (so obviously an insane amount of spoilers), jumbled, and in order of when I thought of each item (except for the Montaigne stuff) As long as this post is, there are tons of other moments that stick out, but one has to make choices! I tried to keep comparison to the book at a minimum as one can judge adaptations on their adherence/truthfulness to the source material or completely as its own thing (both are valid), and it’s easier to do the latter in this case. I’ve also kept it mostly positive, though as I’ve mentioned previously, I did have a few issues with the film (feel free to ask any questions you might have about that or anything else CMBYN related). Also, I need to see it again. As soon as possible.

*When Elio has the nosebleed (no footsie though ugh), he goes inside and sits on the floor and Oliver comes looking for him. The way Elio asks Oliver to sit with him breaks my heart. Just a subtle hint of plea. Everything that happens during that sit-down also fucked my life. It’s burned into my very being. Every look, kiss, touch, word.

* There’s this wonderful housefly that, throughout the movie, shows up occasionally to hang out with Elio when he’s thinking about Oliver. I could probably write a paper on what I think the significance of the fly is, and my feelings about the fly, but really, it was just a fly- a nice touch by either Luca or Ivory.

* The desperation in Elio’s kiss after he breaks down crying during the peach scene. How is Timothée not actually feeling that at that moment? Talk about acting. It was spectacular. Everything about his reaction was spectacular. The crying, the sad embarrassment for crying, the clutching at Oliver. (Aside:Oliver not eating the peach was unacceptable and Elio’s reaction being switched from being overwhelmed that someone felt something for him so strongly that they would do such a thing to being upset that Oliver is leaving soon was annoying.)

* The hilarious lunch conversation with the extremely talkative, not very polite, guests. This conversation needs to be witnessed and experienced, because it’s so funny. At some point they start insulting each other- someone gets called an “asshole” I think, but the expressions and tones of voice of everyone involved stay exactly the same, so it’s hard to even tell who’s being called an asshole, etc. Like this is just everyday conversation.

* After Elio says goodbye to Oliver at the train station, he sits around for a bit trying to process and calm down and then, because what else to do in this lovely family?, he calls his mom. As he asks her to come pick him up, he breaks down (I did, too). The shot is perfect. He’s in the phone booth and we’re outside and a bit away. He starts off the call facing us, but during the emotional bits, he turns his back. He’s hiding his crying from the world (including the viewer), but not from his mother, who can hear him losing it. This is a lovely private family moment, one of many that we’re privy to throughout the film.

* On Elio and Oliver’s trip, there’s a shot of Oliver’s face as Elio sleeps, looking completely at peace. Oliver is sitting on the bed, looking wrecked, and remorseful, and like he wants to stop what’s about to happen. The next scene is their goodbye hug at the train station. I wonder if Oliver sitting there that night knows that very soon he’s going to break Elio’s heart. Not just by leaving, but in telling him that he’s getting married (Over the phone? Really Oliver?) I’ve never been totally sure just how “on and off” Oliver and his future wife actually were. We never really get to know much about Oliver. In both the book and the movie, he’s more a mirror of Elio than a separate character. We only know him through and via Elio. So, in that way, is Oliver’s “on and off” relationship the same as Elio’s “on and off” relationship with Marzia? Where they hang out and fuck, but Elio holds back everything important? I don’t know.

* On the phone call when Oliver tells Elio he’s getting married, Oliver asks, “Do you mind?” A perfect, though strange, bit from the book to carry over- those are the words someone uses when asking permission to do something. What if Elio had said yes? Was Oliver seeking an admission that Elio loved him and wanted to be with him? Was he looking for an ego boost? Was he just asking an awkward question? Oliver is such a mystery to me.

*Anytime Armie/Oliver danced, I laughed. Man, that was some awful, but adorable dancing. The only time I didn’t laugh was when Elio got up on the dance floor and danced with Marzia right next to where Oliver was dancing. That time, I held my breath.

*The morning after they have sex (make love?) for the first time and Elio goes after Oliver into town. They walk a bit to have some privacy and while walking, for a few seconds they “hold hands” with just a finger or two tangled. So insanely lovely.

*After Oliver and Elio talk about how open Oliver is about showing his Judaism by wearing his Star of David, the next image is of Elio coming up for air while swimming in the lake, his Star of David around his neck. It’s a rebirth via water being symbolized, so a baptism of sorts. Oliver, simply by being Oliver, allowed so many hidden parts of Elio, parts Elio felt ashamed of, to be reborn into things that were not shameful, that were beautiful, things to be celebrated and nurtured.

*After Elio receives the note that they’ll meet at midnight and subsequently becomes seriously obsessed with his watch, they’re sitting outside, Oliver, Elio, and Elio’s mother. Elio gets up to leave the table and Oliver, so nonchalantly, asks Elio for the time. It’s such a sexy and funny way of Oliver reminding Elio what’s going to happen that night. And ratcheting up their respective anticipation.

*Sufjan. Sufjan. Sufjan. I can’t even.

*The way Elio says Oliver’s name. So often he says it as if he’s asking for everything he’s ever desired. There’s so much longing and affection.

*The sight and the sound of Oliver eagerly removing his belt the first night that he and Elio sleep together is super sexy. He’s kneeling over Elio, who’s lying between Oliver’s legs and they both look desperate. The sound and look of the leather as it’s being pulled quickly through Oliver’s belt loops is the perfect symbol for that desperation.

*It was completely genius, whoever’s decision it was, to have Elio constantly pressing himself against Oliver, whether it’s Elio’s head against Oliver’s chest or Elio’s whole body as he’s, literally, climbing Oliver, jumping into his arms, pulling Oliver against him as Elio leans back against a wall, etc. It’s like Elio is trying to absorb Oliver into himself. Like he can’t possibly ever get close enough. Like he wants to crawl inside Oliver and make himself a little home in his tummy or in his chest, by his heart- maybe take a nap surrounded by Oliver. Like he simply cannot get enough of this man.

*Elio’s hairstyle at the end of the movie & every single time Elio did his slide dance move. What glory was that?

*That one lovely shot of snow before the last scene. Foreshadowing the cooling off of Elio and Oliver’s relationship, and letting the viewer know that their summer, which was, vicariously, ours, is officially over. Also, snow is just beautiful.

*The night that Elio confesses his feelings to Oliver, Oliver comes back late. Elio, thinking that Oliver has been out with someone else, is restless in bed, and mutters, “Traitor,” as Oliver uses their adjoining bathroom. Then when Oliver closes the bathroom door without acknowledging Elio, Elio rolls over again says, sadly, “Traitor.” The word enlarges Elio’s desire- makes it so much more than just lust. He’s saying that they have something important together, something that can be betrayed. The fact that he doesn’t consider his actions with Marzia to be traitorous makes perfect sense to me. He knows his own feelings, that Oliver is, for whatever reason, infinitely more important to him than Marzia. But what Oliver feels is, at that time a mystery.

*Elio tells Oliver that they have to sit in the backseat of the car because Anchise usually drives as Elio’s father navigates. Then Elio’s father comes along and tells Anchise that he doesn’t need to drive and then invites Oliver into the front seat to be navigator. Elio is adorably upset that he doesn’t get to ride shotgun (understandably!). But also probably a bit unpleased that he doesn’t get to share that small backseat with Oliver. Ha.

*This part right here, when Elio asks for a truce and Oliver offers the hand of the statue. It should have been funny, but it was actually just very sweet and hurt my heart a bit.

*As Oliver and Elio leave on their trip, Chiara rides up on her bicycle. She’s late, though, and they’re already on the bus which is pulling away. The borderline sarcastic wave that Oliver gives her is pretty funny and Elio’s mother inviting Chiara to dinner with a thrown in, “Bring Marzia with you” is just ouch. But the look on Elio’s face as Oliver sits beside him, like this is everything. He’s sitting here with Oliver, going away with Oliver (!!!) and he seems so joyful, but also overwhelmed by that joy, and like he’s seconds away from crying. Lovely lovely acting by Tim.

* Elio’s father is pretty much perfect at fathering fatherly. And Michael Stuhlbarg is magnificent in this film. His final speech to Elio about Oliver, and love, and life is spectacular, both in the book and the film. The line that always makes me cry, whether reading, listening, or watching is:

We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new.

I’ve had one of those lives where this would have really been nice to hear when I was younger. But since I kind of want to rip out every memory I have of this book/movie, to cure myself of too many feelings, it might not have mattered.

* Also in Elio’s father speech is my favorite quote about love. I was ecstatic that it was in the book so having it in the movie made me doubly ecstatic. The quote, by Montaigne about his platonic male friend, is untranslated in the book (& I don’t know if anyone bothers to look that stuff up), while in the movie, there are subtitles (the translation in the movie is different than my preferred which is below, but whatevs). Below is a larger portion of the quote, the part in bold is the bit in the book/movie:

Si on me presse, continue-t-il, de dire pourquoi je l'aimais, je sens que cela ne se peut exprimer qu'en répondant: parce que c'était lui; parce que c'était moi.


If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than it was because he was he, and because I was I.

From the book:

“You’re too smart not to know how rare, how special, what you two had was.”

“Oliver was Oliver,” I said, as if that summed things up.

“Parce que c’était lui, parce que c’était moi,” my father added, quoting Montaigne’s all-encompassing explanation for his friendship with Etienne de la Boétie.”

I can’t explain why I’ve loved particular people most in my life- we were just the kind of people who would love each other. We spoke to something in the other. I’ve always appreciated the joyful, but also, almost resigned (potentially tragic) quality of such an acknowledgement. “We were meant to love each other” alongside “I couldn’t have stopped it even if I’d tried.” It’s perfect for Elio and Oliver.

I just really want Hardison to sleep like a really exhausted cuddly cat.

Like he worked for four days straight on the digital end of the con and as a result Parker runs the last bit entirely on her own because Hardison passed out curled up in Eliot’s lap and no one is going to dare move him.

Luckily, as long as you’re petting his spine, he’ll continue to sleep through just about anything, so Eliot and Parker whisper over comms the entire time as Eliot runs his hands up underneath Hardison’s shirt.

Half the whispers are con-related. Half are “he’s adorable when he’s sleeping” “He just did the thing when he headbutts my leg again” “Parker finish up our genius needs two people to cuddle him and also I need to go to the bathroom and he won’t let me move.”

anonymous asked:

do u think Raven (in the shower biz fic),once she saw Clarke stroll towards the shower w Bellamy in it, that she opened up the groupchat: Raven-it's happened!!- Raven-i'm @ bellamy n clarkes apt & theyre literally showering together!!!!!!!111!!!!!- Raven-who bet on 4 months- Jasper-IUFESJDKXNOUJFKXVCIHOFDLB- Jasper-FINALLY- Miller-yea that was me pay up *sunglasses emoji*-

this?? turned?? into?? a fic?? wow okay

wc: 2 458
part 1 | read on ao3

Saturday, 8: 53 a.m.
Mom and Dad aren’t home

Raven: i don’t mean to alarm anybody but i think bellamy and clarke are dating
Raven: or at least having sex

Harper: [click to view image]

Murphy: you can’t say that and then not expect us to be alarmed reyes
Murphy: some of us have money riding on this shit

Monty: pics or it didn’t happen

Jasper: FWEJFCERGBUJJFJEFS
Jasper: [click to view image]

Miller: Jasper if you don’t stop fucking screaming i’m coming over there and choking you

Jasper: ooh kinky ;) ;)

Monty: excuse you, i’m the only one allowed to flirt with miller here

Raven: yeah jasper, keep your kinks to yourself
Raven: this is me kinkshaming you
Raven: ARE YOU KINKSHAMED

Jasper: jokes on you kinkshaming is my kink

Monty: how much kink could a kinkshame shame if a kinkshame could shame kink

Miller: i will murder all of you is2g

Raven: we already have one psychopath in this groupchat miller we don’t need another one

Murphy: fuck you reyes

Harper: she didn’t say it was you murphy
Harper: … but we all know it’s you

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Dan Teaches Anthony To Sub

Words: 13,463

Summary: Dan teaches Anthony what it’s like to sub for Phil.

Warnings: None

Additional Tags: Smut, Threesome, Dom!Phil, Sub!Dan, Sub!Anthony

Ever since Dan has offered the idea at the end of his last visit, Anthony had been exploring his sexuality, and had even been in a relationship for a few months where he primarily bottomed. Though he found that he loved being a Dom after Phil taught him how, there was no way he could deny that he was very keen to see what it was like to be a sub, and he couldn’t think of anyone better to show him than Daniel Howell.

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Will You Be There?

A/N: I know this isn’t smut, but I wanted to do something different and write out of my comfort zone! I am not good with sad to just bare with me lol. I hope you guys like it! Feedback is appreciated. :) Oh and @nobravery​ here ya go I tagged you so don’t @ me. 

I sit on the grey ottoman by our window looking out into the empty night as I try to make sense of it all. How did we get here? When did everything go dark?  I wish we could change and go back, but it’s too late for any of that now. Everything is black and burnt. There’s no hope for us anymore.

I’m pulled from my thoughts as I hear tired footsteps down the hall headed toward the bedroom. I don’t bother to look up because I know the expression on his face will kill me. The door creaks further open as he slips inside and shuts it quietly behind him. He sits on the end of the bed staring in my direction as he lets out a strangled breath. I know his eyes are begging, his face broken. He puts his hand on my thigh, and I look away because if I find his eyes, I know I’ll break.

“Will you be here when I wake up? Please baby I can’t bare to look over and not see you there. Just one last time… I’m begging you.” He swallows hard, trying not to losing himself. I finally look up at him, his pain filled eyes blinking the tears away. He looks as if he could shatter into pieces as any moment. It breaks my heart seeing him this way, but I can’t find the right words to answer him with.

I’ve told him this wouldn’t work. Us. He’s always gone and lately he’s been so distant. He has become so infatuated with his music. Making sure everything is perfect to a T and it has put a strain on our relationship. I can’t stay here and be alone. Not on my own. I need someone who is here for me, with me. And actually present when he is here. We haven’t been us in a while, and I can’t bare the heartache any longer. We are a ticking time bomb waiting to explode at any moment.

It started with small things. Texts getting shorter, phone calls becoming less frequent, Skype calls becoming nonexistent. Then it progressed. Our sex life became obsolete. He stopped flying me out to see him. He doesn’t look at me with the passion in his eyes. The look that would melt me into a puddle inside my stomach. He doesn’t hold me anymore. He doesn’t touch me, kiss me. Nothing. I feel alone. Shawn is so wrapped up in tour that he doesn’t have time for me anymore. He’s stressed all the time. I get that, and I want him to live his dream. I am so proud of how far he’s come. He’s worked so fucking hard for this and deserves all the opportunities coming his way, but I can’t stand being alone here anymore. It’s time to accept  that we aren’t good together anymore. But for some reason something in me says to stay. For him. One last time.

I let out a deep, shaky breath and nod my head in compliance. I look up at Shawn as he nods back at me, his face hopeful that maybe he can change my mind, but the decision is final. I get up from the chair pulling up his old t-shirt to keep it from falling off my shoulders. I slip off my pants and pull back the duvet hopping into bed. I watch Shawn as he slips out of his grey t-shirt and black jeans to climb into bed next to me. He lays his head on the pillow as his brown eyes search for the blue in mine. He’s empty, and I’m the reason for it. I hate this I really fucking do, but how can two people stay together when the happiness is gone?

He tries to be strong, sending me a soft smile and wraps his arms around me as I burry myself into his chest. He pulls me tight against him, leaving a warm, lingering kiss on my forehead saying goodnight and then, it’s silent. The both of us hanging onto this moment. Knowing this is the last time I’ll ever lay next to him. I always loved falling asleep in Shawn’s arms. It felt so safe, so right to me. Like the world could be crashing around us, and it wouldn’t matter. Because he would be there to hold me and help me face whatever problem was coming our way. But not now, this is something he can’t fix.

I can tell Shawn is now asleep by the soft snores coming from his mouth. I look up and my heart skips a beat. He looks adorable, his brown curls a mess and his mouth slightly parted, cheeks flushed. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. I slide my fingers across his jawline and leave a soft kiss. My eyes wander to his nose, watching the cute way his nostrils flare as he breathes. The first night I ever slept over at his place, I caught myself watching him sleep just like now. I fell in love with the simplicity of it. So pure and innocent. His crinkled nose, his skin covered in sleep lines from where he’s been in a deep sleep. And no matter how often he would toss and turn in his sleep, his arm always remained across my body, holding me. Admiring the sweet sight in front of me, my chest tightens at the thought of leaving him. I can’t bare to see his face in the morning, broken and distraught. He’ll try and get me to change my mind, and I’m afraid I’ll give in. I’ll decide to stay and be right back where I am now, coming home everyday trying to mask the pain and emptiness. I could stay and try to work this out one more time for the sake of us. We have so many memories together, and they are all so hard to let go of. I mean, how could I just let go of us and everything we’ve been through? The only problem is, we haven’t been us in a long time, and I don’t think we will ever get back there. Walking away from our relationship is not something I ever wanted to do. This day would never have come if he would have been there the way I needed him to.

With that, I let out a strangled breath and I pull back the covers, letting my feet hit the cold floor as I walk over to the closet and pull out my large duffle bag. I begin packing my drawer that Shawn had cleared for me in his dresser a few months back. This was a hard for him to do, considering his clothes take up so much damn room. He spent the day before rearranging all his clothes around just so I would have room for my things. The day he showed it to me, the gift of the drawer was also followed with a key to his place. It was a big step in our relationship, but we were so excited for what that change would bring us. Two kids, desperately falling for one another.

I walk into the bathroom to collect some of my toiletries. Looking over at the walk-in shower, I can’t help but giggle to myself in reminiscence. Every morning before work, Shawn would take a quick shower while I sat on our sink and did my hair and makeup. He would sing different melodies he had been working on because he knew I loved to listen to him. Sometimes he would sing off key on purpose because he loved to make me laugh. And one morning I was walking past the shower to grab my makeup bag from my purse and he pulled me into the shower with him, soaking the shirt I was wearing, but I didn’t mind. We just laughed as he held me against him, leaving wet kisses all over my face as I tried to free myself from his grip, but it never worked I just continued to chuckle at how silly he was. So in love, nothing else mattered but us in that very moment. I zip my bag and quietly tip-toe around the room, careful not to wake Shawn.

I walk around the condo, making sure I haven’t left anything behind when I see it. The photo of us on Christmas Eve last year, the day he told me he loved me. We were outside his parent’s house drinking hot chocolate, my head in his lap and his fingers ran through my hair. We sat out there cuddled close to one another for hours having meaningless conversation. I looked up to see him grinning like an idiot and I reached up to boop his nose making him let out a soft laugh. After asking him why he was smiling, the words just fell out making my heart burst. He was perfect, everything I wanted. This Christmas Eve was different. Shawn was in Japan doing an album promo, and I was at my parent’s house helping them wrap presents for our other family members. I only heard from him once that day, and it was a quick have a good holiday, then nothing. Like we were acquaintance. Like the I love you meant nothing to him now.

I walk down the hall into our room for the last time, staring down at a tired Shawn still sound asleep. I lean down and give his forehead one last kiss, wiping the tear from his cheek that had fallen before I turn and head for the door. I’ll miss this apartment and him. The laughs, the memories, the tears everything. Our love was built here and slowly faded here. I turn around taking one last look at the condo as I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my shirt. We had so many great things, but I know this for the best. I grab my bag off the floor as I turn the knob. Never looking back.

Shawn’s POV 

It’s been a month since I woke to the sound of the door closing. Looking over in disbelief at the sheets on her side of the bed that were pulled back. I remember pulling myself from bed, praying this is all a horrible nightmare. Walking around the barren condo, seeing that all of her things were no longer in their place, her drawer empty. She was gone and it was my fault. I got so caught up in work, and I fucked up. I loved her but I could have shown more to her, for her. I pushed her to her limits and I hate myself for it. I was lying to myself, saying the tough times would pass. Telling myself we were still happy—that we were just going through a rough patch with me not being home as much, but I was wrong. She was broken, a girl who used to have so much happiness burning inside her. Happiness that I burned out.

The empty feeling in my chest comes and goes. Keeping myself busy in my music helps even if all of it is about her. Being in a new condo, even better. I know I’m stronger at all the places her leaving broke me. But some days, after all the work has been done, and the clutter of the day has been cleared, I still find her in the back of my mind. Sometimes I play the old videos on my phone of her dancing and singing in the kitchen, just to hear her soft voice. I’m afraid I’m going to forget just how gorgeous that sound is, for the most beautiful moments always seem to accelerate and slip beyond our grasp just when we want to hold onto them for as long as possible.

We Are Young: Shower Time

Throne Of Glass High School AU

Note: You guys asked for it. Here it is. The scene that started a revolution - literally. For those of you who don’t know, this is a side chapter to my story We Are Young, the link to which you can find below. This is also the first time I’ve written something like this, so keep that in mind.
Big shoutout to everyone who pushed me to write this scene. And special shoutout to our revolution leaders: @miladyaelin, @snaps7, @throneofstars, @jxmessjrjuspottcr, @ilikebigbooks-and-icannotlie, and @fictionalcharactersaremyreality. And @christina-dh, for starting all this with one simply question in my inbox. LOVE YOU ALL.

Warning: NSFW

Main Chapter

——————–

Lysandra was aware of his eyes on her, his gaze burning holes in her back.

She made it to the bathroom before him, peeling off her clothes piece by piece as she went - she was glad her father was on the night-shift this week.

By the time she made it to the shower, she was in just her underwear. She turned on the water, letting it heat up, before stepping back. She knew Aedion was behind her, standing in the doorway, watching. Just the thought caused heat to slowly build in the pit of her stomach, a sensual smile pulling on her lips.

Slowly and with a tantalizing sway of her hips, Lysandra stepped out of her underwear. She didn’t once look back as she walked forward, stepping into the glass shower.

She stood there for a few moments, letting the streaming water soak her hair and body, before finally turning around.

Aedion was standing in the middle of the bathroom, still shirtless from their makeout session earlier, the door now closed behind him. Gone was the carefree, boyish look that normally took form on his face. It was now replaced with a look of complete love and lust. Lysandra felt the warmth between her legs begin to throb as his eyes slowly drifted over her wet, naked body, lingering on her perked breasts and between her legs.

“Well?” Her voice was a seductive purr as she spoke. “Are you going to join me? Or do I have to do everything myself?”

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FIC: Drunken Confession Night



A request from numbers 28, 32, 45 and 54 from This list.  

FIC: Drunken Confession Night

Request: yes

Pairing: Tom Holland/reader

Prompts: “I’m so in love with you.”
“I’m going to keep you safe.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Was I really that drunk?”

Summary: Movie night with Harrison and the Hollands always devolves into Drunken Confession Night. This time, though, Tom confesses something that the reader wasn’t expecting.


“Hey, (y/n)! Thanks for dropping by,” Tom says as you hand him a plastic grocery sack full of snacks. He’d invited you over for a Movie Night with two of his three brothers (Paddy was at a friend’s house) and Harrison.

“Couldn’t pass up the chance to hang out with my favorite next-door neighbors. And Harrison, of course,” you reply as you hang up your jacket.

You’ve lived next door to the Hollands as long as you can remember. You and Tom were in the same grade but went to different schools (he went to an all-boys’ academy, you an all-girls’ school). Your moms were best friends. Your younger sister is the same age as the twins and even went to a school dance with Sam once (strictly as friends, though).

And - naturally - you’ve been in love with Tom ever since you were 16. Because of course you fall for the boy next door. The boy next door, in this case, who also happens to be a famous movie star.

But, for now, you choose to stay quiet about your attraction. Because movie stars only date other movie stars, right? They don’t date the literal girl next door.

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Auston Matthews - Perks

Originally posted by at-hannabunton

Request: “  Hey there! I was the one who requested the marner hatred imagine and u did an awesome job with it! Can I request an imagine where the reader and Auston Matthews have been bffs since forever but have always secretly had a crush on one another? Maybe the Auston sees one of the guys hitting on her at a party or somethin and gets really upset so being the awesome BFF she is she asks him what’s good and Auston just blurts out that he’s been in love with her basically forever and then her reaction :) “

A/N: Ahh I’m really glad that you enjoyed the first imagine enough to request again!

Also! Fun Fact: I’m really behind on requests. I have like 23 just sitting in my inbox right now. I’m getting to them, babes, I promise!

Warnings: Language

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