and also my self esteem

Haaaaaa okay so because that other guy playing in the studio is god-tier at piano and my self-confidence has been destroyed by him (even though I’ve only been playing for a few days and shouldn’t compare) I present to you something that took a lot of buildup and effort to somewhat master in an effort to salvage what remains of my self-esteem/ego
Also idk if y'all can tell I modified the ending of it a bit to create like a theatrical finish, the original ending is hella anticlimactic
Also in case anyone thinks otherwise I suck at reading sheet music I had to practically memorize this in order to play it as opposed to reading/playing simultaneously like how you’re supposed to 😅


(as you can tell, i love this filter A LOT) | selfie tag

tagged by: my sunshine @rapsmon thank youuu (◕ᴗ◕✿)

tagging: (you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to of course ♡)  @noliesnowrong @thotmi @kingnamjoons @lilacnamjoon and everyone else who would like to do it!


hawkins99 (3/?)

so yesterday night i nearly lost my friends because i was petting a dog and when i ran to catch up with them i nearly ran over a cute guy (has oscar issac eyes) I’ve seen around a couple of times, said “good to meet you”, fucking winked at him and kept running…
like… when will drunk me stop acting like i live in a tacky sit com

i feel like i’m gonna regret shaving my head today but i’m also glad that it’ll lower my self-esteem so i will stop going on all these dates and getting hurt over boys

A struggle of life is remembering all the ways you are lucky when all you want to think about is the bad stuff. I went through things as a kid that no one should have to go through. Ever. It effects me most days in how I behave, in my fears, and my own self-esteem.
I also have friends and family who would be at my side if I needed it. I’m writing and actually seeing improvement. I have a cat. That’s fucking awesome. I don’t want to contact the toxic people who’ve abused me. I’m actually… healing even if my progress is small.
I’m 22 and I have a future, even if it’s scary and unsure. It doesn’t make the bad things go away, but I feel happy knowing I’ve got a chance to be the person I want to be.

my friends: omg rebecca why do you always get so touchy about us taking pictures??? we’re just trying to remember the moment/take pictures for snapchat haha lighten up no one cares if they’re flattering!

me, hours later, deep in a feeling of extreme self-hatred about my appearance that is directly caused by seeing those pictures taken of me: ahaha, yeah, w.. who… ca..res………….. wh o………..


2016 vs. 2017. 

Today, I decided to go for something new today considering it’s a new year and I wanted to change my look. 2016 was a difficult year for me. I lost my grandmother to cancer, my two best friends left me, I lost my self-confidence, I had disrespected my body…and other guys, and I suffered in my academics.

In addition to my own struggles, the world has suffered more. We sat aside for too long and let the U.S. elect Donald Trump as our POTUS. We sat aside and watched genocide occur in Allepo. We sat aside and let violence spread across our country. I’ve never seen a more divided world in my lifetime than I do now. Never have I seen so much hate and ignorance being spread. 

I decided to buzz most of my hair because I wanted to leave the past behind in 2016 and make changes in 2017. I want to dedicate this year to regaining my self-esteem, sculpting my body (and also appreciating it for what it already is), excel in my academics, set aside more time for self-care, become more responsible, and become the ideal person that I’ve always wanted to be. I also want to become more socially responsible. That means, voting, protesting, petitioning, and becoming more involved in politics instead of sitting aside as I watch this world crumble into nothing. 

I will make 2017 a great year instead of just expecting it to be a great year like I did in 2016. I encourage you all to do the same if you haven’t so already. And if you already have been doing as much as you can, keep going and never stop. 

I wish for my (as well as all of your) resolutions to all come true. Happy New Year y’all and may 2017 be a prosperous year. 

anonymous asked:

Hi Jenna,first I wanted to tell you that EVE is the only thing in my wish list. (Little late, but who cares?) I really want to start outlining my book but what push my off is that English is not my mother tongue and in addition, one of my friends is a very talented writer (not professionally). She is always called by the teacher a "true writer" and sometimes that low my self-esteem. Also, I have a lot of trouble recognizing the different verbs. Any advice from the cyborg queen?Love you xoxo

Why would a compliment given to your friend lower your self-esteem? What does she have to do with your writing? How is she at all relevant?

Answer: she isn’t. Not even remotely. 

My advice? Stop comparing yourself to other people. Elevating one person doesn’t automatically lower everyone else. Just because she’s talented doesn’t mean you can’t be. And if she’s more talented than you, guess what? So are a lot of other writers. That doesn’t mean you’re not talented, or not capable. There are lots of writers who are more talented than I am. That’s just life. I’m still going to work hard and write my books. The skill level of other writers has nothing to do with me or my journey. 

2009121723  asked:

In the cast of supergirl, who would be the best to describe you? And why? 😉

Hmmm…cast personality or character? Or physical? I will answer all of these things. 

Cast member I’m most like (from what I’ve seen in interviews and such)? Either Katie or Jeremy. Katie because I’m a giant genre nerd and Jeremy because I too have picture of Laura Benanti up that I pine after. Though Chyler seems really protective and I tend to be pretty ride or die for my friends. 

Character I’m most like? Hmm…Winn for his tech skills and humor but not the weird season 1 friendzone thing. Also Astra…because I’d go to great lengths to save my world and I also struggle with self esteem issues and have a white streak in my hair (I dye it with henna though as I am not ready for the grey streak life at 30). I don’t think I’m badass enough to be like Alex (though I would SOOOO want to be), but again…I am that level of protective with people and generally think the people that I care about are objectively the best and better than me and I just want them safe and happy. 

Physically? I have the gay Alex Danvers haircut right now, though I’m a bit chubby as I had to get rid of my elliptical in the move and have been neglecting my fitness and eating all the chocolate. All of it. 

anonymous asked:

Hi!! Omg I didn't know you have venus square saturn, I also have that aspect! I'm still in the beginning phases of learning astrology and I'm trying to learn more about aspects. I'm interested in hearing what your thoughts are about venus square saturn? Thanks!! :)

Hate it. It totally overpowers my venus in leo (saturn is in taurus). I find it so hard to express myself in a lovingly way, not physically but more so like verbally. It makes me feel very undeserving and confused too, also my self esteem is garbage. My style is way more saturn like, venus in capricorn-esque too. But it makes it hard to maintain relationships bc I can be kind of self destructive with them; I just let them crumble because I don’t see the point in trying because I don’t deserve it or have good relationships anyway. I never date, I’m currently in the second relationship of my life right now. And I’m very unapproachable lol