and also my mum and dad

REUNION
  • Lance's mum, crying: Oh my god my son you're alive I'm so happy *hugs him*
  • Lance: I've missed you so much
  • Lance's mum: I've missed you- wait who is that *points to where the space squad™ is standing*
  • Lance: haha yeah well see, that's my half alien boyfriend- I'm bi surprise!
  • Lance: and that's Shiro, yes the famous dude, and his wife Allura who is actually full alien
  • Lance: and you know hunk and pidge they've been in space with me for the last few years
  • Lance: and that's coran he's also full alien and- CORAN PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THAT- and he's basically our weird space uncle. He really likes earth and humans and I SWEAR CORAN PUT IT DOWN
  • Lance: oh yeah and I'm super famous and a hero in space and stuff and put my life in danger nearly every dad
  • Lance's mum: .....
  • Lance: haha so yeah I've missed you
8

Happy 26th birthday, Thiago! (11.04.1991)

  • harry: this is my dad and this is my mum.
  • harry: this is my dad's other wife, whom i also call uncle padfoot.
  • harry: this is my dad's other wife's husband, uncle moony.
  • harry: and this is uncle wormtail, uncle padfoot says that he is adopted.
  • (you all know which post this is based upon. but i can't find the link. so yeah.)
Take It or Leave It

Hi!!!

This is something new I’m trying where the reader is a Lawyer for Tony Stark but after the Avengers get back together after the Accords Ross is still coming after them. Tony Stark wants the reader to get Ross off their backs but what happens when Ross decides to play a little dirty? 

Originally posted by mcudailybr

“What is this, Tony?” Steve looked from the sheets in his hand.

“It’s a resume.” Steve stared at the man. “Y/N L/N, she’s my go to lawyer. When I met her she had only just started at her firm. She had just finished a case and was handing it in to Hayden Hughes, the Managing Partner at the firm, when I was in his office. Instead of taking me to a senior partner to sign with, he told me to sign with the girl. I’ve never regretted it.” 

Steve looked back at the paper. “So you trust her.” It wasn’t a question. 

“Listen, Rogers, if there’s anyone you can get you out of your predicament, shall we say, it’s her. Her record runs on a strictly win-only basis.” 

“She’s worth a shot, Steve. I may have only met her for twenty minutes once before when she was getting Tony to sign something but she’s a good kid. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone keep him in line as well as she did apart from Pepper.” Bruce looked up from his StarkPad to affirm Tony’s praise of the lawyer. 

“Hey! I’m not that bad!” 

Natasha spoke up from her quiet conversation with Clint. “You’re only proving his point, Stark. Besides, this L/N lady can’t be that bad; she’s from the best law firm in New York, Hughes and Wood, which means she came from Harvard, the best law university in the country. She’s used to working cases which have high stakes so she knows discretion is key.”

“What’s the worst that she can do? We’re already wanted fugitives.” Wanda quipped in her thick accent. 

“Call her, Stark. Let’s see what she can do.” 

“No need, Mr Rogers, Mr Stark already called.” You waltzed out the elevator bags scattering your body. “But more importantly, I brought the Chinese.”

“We’ve already eaten.” Steve turned to look at you front on.

You laughed. “Oh that would be a good joke if takeout menus weren’t scattered across the coffee table, members of your team weren’t holding the aforementioned menus, half the people didn’t perk up at the thought of food and I didn’t get all of your favourites.” 

“How would you know our favourites? You have never met us.” Wanda queried. Her distrust for you was clear on her face and through her body language.

“Then how can I do this, Miss Maximoff?” You plopped most of the bags on the floor apart from the food. “Crispy Shredded Beef for Mr Stark, Chicken Chow Mein for Dr Banner, Sweet and Sour Chicken Balls for Captain Rogers, Szechuan Spare Ribs for Miss Romanoff, King Prawn Chop Suey for Mr Barton, Honey Pork for Mr Odinson, House Special Foo Yung for Miss Maximoff, Special Crispy Noodles for Mr Vision, Singapore Mixed Meat Chow Mein for King T’Challa, Stir Fried Mushrooms in Black Bean Sauce for Mr Lang, Shrimp Chow Mein for Colonel Rhodes, Beef Shanghai Style for Mr Wilson, Chicken Singapore Noodles for Mr Parker, and finally Crispy Chicken Fillet and Roast Duck Fried Rice for Sergeant Barnes.” You finished as you placed the final tub on the table. 

“Oh that’s it. She’s my favourite lawyer.” Clint fist pumped the air dramatically. 

You raised an expectant eyebrow. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you miss the memo? I wasn’t done. I also got Prawn Crackers, Prawn Toast, Crispy Seaweed, Spring Rolls, Crispy Wontons, Salt and Pepper King Prawns, Honey Roast Spare Ribs, Yung Chow Fried Rice, Fried Dumplings, Deep Fried Crab Claws, Aromatic Crispy Duck and finally Fortune Cookies for a bit of fun.” 

“I think I’m in love.” Scott whispered, staring at you.

Ignoring the blubbering man, you pulled out a gift bag from the collection around your feet. “Sorry I couldn’t make your birthday Mr Stark, you know I had court the next day and you can’t arrive in court under influence.” 

“Sure thing, Bunny, no worries.” The man smirked as the nickname came out again. Apparently when you were working or thinking your nose scrunched up and Tony had made it his job to entitle you with a nickname because of it; he thought of Bunny to be a sufficient name. Either way, everybody was watching with rapt attention as Tony removed the black tissue paper from the top of the bag and pulled out the box inside. Tony’s face lit up at the sight, prompting the question. 

“What did Lawyer Lady get ya, Tin Man?” Sam asked expectantly, like a petulant child. 

Thankfully Vision saved him from his despair. “It appears to be a Glen Garioch 46 Year Old 1958 Whiskey, average pricing around $2,777.” 

Low whistles ran throughout the men of the room. 

“Vis! You don’t tell people the price of gifts!” Wanda gave an exclamatory hiss in said man’s direction causing him to frown in thought.

“Damn, L/N. That’s good whiskey.” Sam addressed you but his eyes were still on the bottle. 

“If you play your cards right, Mr Wilson, you might get gifts like that too.” 

He shot you a flirty smirk. “I’ll play you any cards you want if it gets you around here more often.” 

“I’m surrounded by people like Mr Stark, and more, all day, Mr Wilson, you’re going to have to do better than that.” You pouted slightly at the man, fully enjoying the little exchange. 

“I like her. I’ve been telling you for a long time, Birdbrain, you’ve got to up your game.” James permitted himself to join the conversation. 

“Damn, and here I was thinking the only person you like was you boyfriend: The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan.” 

“Didn’t you get anything for yourself, Miss L/N?” Peter asked you as he leant forward to get his noodles. 

“I got the Szechuan Spare Ribs. They’re the best thing on the menu.” You replied with a nod towards Natasha. 

“Amen to that, sestra!” She raised her beer to you and it reminded you of the other bag. 

You pulled out the beer that you had brought with you, alongside the Chinese. “Vy khotite drugogo?” You held out a bottle for her. 

“Ty govorish’ po-russki?” She looked surprised as she took the bottle. 

You nodded. “My parents were quite pushy and strict when I was younger. They made sure I knew as many languages as I could so I would be well prepared for life.” You took a can opener from your bag; you were starting to feel like Mary Poppins. Carefully popping the cap off your bottle, you offered the opener to Natasha and she gratefully accepted. 

“It’ll be fun to have another Russian speaker in the mix.” James stirred his food quietly before taking a bite. 

“The Three Musketeers.” Clint raised his bottle to us jokingly. 

“Any other talents we should know about, Sweetcheeks?” Sam wiggled his eyebrows and you simply gave him an unimpressed look. 

“Alongside Russian and English, I also speak French, German, Portuguese, Spanish, Latin, Italian, and Mandarin. Fluently. Mum made me do Ballet and Gymnastics whilst my Dad made me do martial arts whilst growing up. And I had to learn the piano at school.” You listed them off with an impressive air of nonchalance. 

“You have the skill set to join the Avengers.” Scott announced dramatically whilst chewing on his mushrooms. 

“And you clearly didn’t read the resume.” You quickly rebutted, taking a swig of your beer.

“What’s making you say that?” 

“Honestly, Mr Lang, it’s obvious.” You shook your head to yourself. “The only people who have read my resume in this room is Mr Stark about 9 years ago; Miss Romanoff, Mr Barton and Sergeant Barnes all have read it because they wanted to assess my threat level to themselves individually and the team, hence why they have been carrying most of the conversation as they are trying to evaluate me; Mr Vision will have read my resume due to the fact that he has never seen or interacted with a lawyer before; and finally Captain Rogers will have read my resume as he doesn’t trust me in the slightest right now, his feet are angled ever so slightly towards me showing interest, he hasn’t spoken at all to me apart from a defensive lie at the beginning and now he’s contemplating on how to talk to Tony about me after I’m gone without causing conflict. Tell me I’m wrong.” No one said anything. You stood up from your seat and gathered your bags. “Mr Stark, I presume I’m in the usual room?” 

Tony let out a tired sigh. “Yeah, Bunny. Please just call me Tony for the millionth time.”

“Of course, Tony.” The pair of you shared knowing smiles as you picked the bags up and disappeared down the hallway.

dailymail.co.uk
Harry Styles tweets - and quickly deletes - snaps of Louis Tomlinson
The side-by-side images, which were retweeted by Harry's account, showed his One Direction bandmate sipping iced beverages in pictures apparently taken years apart.

On Monday, he was seen touching down in New York City as he prepared to pressed on with promotional efforts for his newly-released single Sign Of The Times.

But Harry Styles left fans scratching their heads by Tuesday night, when he tweeted - and then quickly deleted - snapshots of Louis Tomlinson, captioned ‘then and now’.

The side-by-side images, which were retweeted by Harry’s account, showed his One Direction bandmate sipping iced beverages in pictures apparently taken years apart.

And as if the point of the post - which was also accompanied by a link - wasn’t confusing enough, it vanished almost as soon as it arrived.

Hordes of followers took screenshots of the fleeting post - and then promptly took to discussing it, with an almost unanimous chorus of fans concluding he was hacked, while other speculated that he may have sent out the tweet in error.

As a scattering of fans popped up to counter both theories, another struck back by writing: 'Do you really think Harry would come out of the blue during SNL rehearsals to tweet a picture of Louis when he never even tweets?’

The 23-year-old heart-throb is currently in the Big Apple, ahead of making an appearance on Saturday Night Live, where he’ll perform his new track.

Harry will be performing Sign Of The Times and another track yet to be revealed on SNL, in an episode presented by comedian and former SNL regular Jimmy Fallon.

The singer - whose band embarked on an extended hiatus in March 2016 - sent social media into meltdown after unveiling his hotly-anticipated debut solo single on Radio 1 last Friday.

One fan enthused: ’@Harry_Styles my baby! I’m super proud of u! That was amazing. I’m feeling like a proud mum love u so so so much! #SignOfTheTimes’.

'Holy s**t @Harry_Styles . Brilliant. #signofthetimes Not what I expected. Loving it. Can’t wait to hear more’, another posted.

Others cooed, @Harry_Styles IM SO PROUD FOR YOU ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤’, 'Harry Styles is the best thing to happen since sliced bread!!!’, and 'my ears have been blessed <33 @Harry_Styles’.

His fellow bandmates Liam Payne and Niall Horan also took to Twitter to congratulate Harry on the track.

New dad Liam wrote on Twitter 'proud of you H. Glad you’re getting to do your own thing’, while Niall added: 'Love it H.’

However, there are concerns that Harry could miss out on the number one spot, as a number of fans could not listen to the single on streaming service Spotify due to a 'glitch’.  

Talking Body

Reader x Klaus Mikaelson

(NOT MY GIF)

*requested

Imagine: You are in a extremely heated situation with Klaus and your younger daughter bursts in, so you have to explain to her what’s happening and the older one, who understands what you were doing, keeps making disgusted sounds. After it is all done, you go back to what you were doing.

Warnings: dirty, dirty smut. oral sex (female receiving). sex, ofc. a bit fluff. roughness. swearing. and i guess that’s it.

Word Count: 3105


Being Klaus Mikaelson’s partner was definitely not an easy task; aside the fact he was a very complicated and troubled man, the blond had many enemies who craved to see him defeated, which means you were always their first target when they wanted to draw his attention. A bunch of fools, if you were to be honest, for you were no damsel in distress. Matter fact, you had been taught to fight ever since you could remember. Born in a werewolf family, it was kind of obvious that your parents guaranteed to never leave their beloved child unprepared to the supernatural life.

“Mum!” Cami, your younger daughter, yelled, getting you out of your inner thoughts. You closed the book you were reading and offered her a happy smile. “Dad won’t let me have cookies!”

“That’s because you just had dinner!” A masculine voice replied, trying to sound angry. A soft laugh left your lips. “Agree with me on this, darling.”

“Your father is right, baby.” You stroke her red cheek, placing one blonde curl behind her ear. “Also, you need to go to bed. It’s late.”

“Urgh.” She whined, pouting, making both you and Klaus giggle. “This isn’t fair!”

Whilst the girl escaped, running out of the room, you stood up from the cushioned armchair you were sitting on and went straight to your husband's​ arms, enjoying, afterwards, the warm hug he gave you. It was adorable how he never stopped doing these little things like hugging, kissing, holding your hand, grabbing your ass whenever you were not paying attention… All of it; Klaus simply could never stop reassuring his love for you. As for yourself, well, the feelings were wildly mutual.

“I’ll tuck her in.” He whispered in your ear, sending chills down your spine. “Wait for me in our room wearing that. I’ve been wanting to tear that dress out of you all day long.”

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Family's Definition.

If anyone could ask you about the definition of a family, you’d describe yours. You’d describe the feeling of euphoria that you felt when you saw Harry on one knee, a simple shining ring in a velvet box in his hands as loving words fell spontaneously from his lips, taking a breath before he asked you:

“Would you please, oh God, please, marry me?”

You’d describe the moment you saw Harry at the aisle, hand covering his mouth as tears dropped down his face when he watched you walk down. The shake of his head as he grinned when he gently held your hands in his, whispering sweet nothings. Or when he finally gave you your first kiss as weds, pouring years of love in.

You’d describe your honeymoon. Sitting on the beach as Harry strummed the guitar, covering your favorite songs and lullabying you with unreleased songs in his that he kept hidden in his leather journal.

If anyone asks about family, you’d tell them about Harry’s happy outburst when you told him you were ready to try for a baby; how he picked you up and twirled you, showering your face with pecks and whispering: “We’re going to be the greatest parents ever. You and I, angel.”

You’d tell them about the moment you gave Harry a box of chocolate, pecking his lips when he hungrily opened it but right as he was about to pick one, his eyes widened when he saw the white little frosting on each chocolate piece that read ‘YOU ARE GOING TO BE A DADDY’. Chocolates flying to the couch as Harry embraced you tightly, tears rolling down as he cupped your face in his hands.

“Thank you! Thank you! I’m going to be a dad! You’re-You’re going to be a mum and-Oh my God, I love you, I love you.” Was what he said as he struggled to breathe through the words, kissing you before bending down to kiss your still bump-less stomach, “We’re going to take care of you, baby Styles. We love you. Daddy loves you.”
How it turned from only a goodnight kiss to your lips, to also pecks of kisses on your stomach with a sweet pep talk.

The first time the baby kicked was during Harry’s performance of Sweet Creature as he was on stage, you backstage, watching him proudly when you felt a kick in your now bump making you subconsciously put a hand on your stomach before looking back at Harry who was smiling at the crowd before he looked at you with a grin, faltering when he saw your tearful eyes, stuttering over the lyrics as he concentrated on your mouth as you mouthed, “It kicked!” while pointing at your stomach.

“Holy shit!” Harry said through the mic, cutting off his singing as he ran to where you are, eagerly putting his hands on your stomach as he knelt down. When he felt the kick, he couldn’t help but have tears in his eyes himself, “Hi, baby Styles. We’re excited for you to get out too.” He said, kissing your stomach before looking up at you, “Are you hurt?”
With a shake of your head and reassurance, you made Harry go back on stage. “’M sorry, my baby kicked for the first time!” He excited announced.

You’d describe love and family with Harry’s tired smile as he watched you eat craved McDonald’s fries at 3 am, taking off his hoodie and sweats to go back to bed, mumbling that you should wake him up if you need anything else.
You’d go on and on about the moment when you and Harry rushed to the hospital, tears and grunts emitting from you, Harry’s face in distress as his hand held yours in the delivery room, continuously supporting you with “You’re doing great, love. So so great. We’re getting there.”

The moment Harry cried when he saw your baby in your arms, too nervous to approach you and your little guy. You had joked, telling him that this wasn’t the reaction he said he’d have. You gently told him to come closer and watching him as he does, his lips falling on your forehead to give you an appreciative kiss before letting his finger be held by his baby’s tiny fingers. Or the moment Harry holds his baby in his arms, cooing softly to him and already making memories with him.

The moment you enter the house, watching your baby’s fingers messily hit Harry’s guitar chords as Harry filmed him with your camera, giving him an earful of “You’re doing great, little guy! Just like daddy!”

If anyone could ask you about the definition of love and family, you’d tell them about yours.

••

I MADE MYSELF EMOTIONAL

Originally posted by stylesinthewild

Reputation Secret Session, London: Our Experience

We have loved Taylor and her music since we were just 7 years old, and our biggest dream, something we wanted to happen more than anything else in the world, was to finally meet her

On Monday 2nd October, we received a DM on twitter from Taylor Nation. This was over a week before the event was taking place. They didn’t give any details other than that it was a ‘secret event’ and to keep it completely to ourselves and not share it with anyone or online. From then and on, we couldn’t stop smiling. We were told we’d be contacted with more details, then on the 4th on Wednesday, we were lay in bed and our phone started to ring. We immediately started SCREAMING then answered and tried to sound as normal as possible, even though we literally COULDN’T BREATHE. We said hello and she was like ‘how are you’ and I (Katie) just replied saying ‘FREAKING OUT.’ She told us her name was Ali (who we knew was part of TN!) and she spoke to our Mum and asked us questions, told us they knew how dedicated we are and wanted to reward us. Closer to the time they emailed us with further details. Honestly, since we received that DM on the Monday we couldn’t even eat properly it FELT SO OVERWHELMING. We had to keep things secret for so long, it was the hardest but most exciting thing ever. 

So on the 13th October, we traveled down to London from Manchester with our parents. We were at the meeting point, about to take Polaroids, then we saw OUR BEST FRIEND RUNNING TOWARDS US. We had no idea she (Kaz @ap0laroidofus) was also invited, because obviously we all kept it quiet, so when we saw each other it was the best feeling ever. 

We met with TN and everyone attending and we got on buses in groups to a secret location, with no idea of what would happen. Then, WE ARRIVED AT THE PRETTIEST HOUSE EVER, which is literally house goals, Taylor’s house! At this point Chloe was looking out of the window SO SHOCKED and Erica saw her and did a shocked face back and laughed. We met back up with Kaz in TAYLOR SWIFT’S KITCHEN and ate cookies and m&m’s that said ‘REP’ on them and drank coke etc. THEN we were just chilling and Tree (the prettiest lil angel ever) came and told us about the chicken tenders SO THANK YOU TREE FOR THAT. AND CHLOE PEED IN TAYLOR’S HOUSE!!! We went to get some and saw SCOTT SWIFT. HE SPOKE TO US FOR LIKE A FULL FIVE MINUTES. He told us stories about Taylor’s childhood like a story from when she was 11, whilst casually eating chicken tenders. Chloe asked him about the 10 minute version of all too well and he replied, ‘I say nothing, I keep my mouth shut!’ Then, of course as he is the king of guitar picks, he gave us some and was picking them all out like ‘1989 picks… speak now…’ HES PRECIOUS. (He dropped one and Katie accidentally saT IN HER BIN trying to pick it up. He also said that him and especially Andrea, would never have let Taylor or Austin go to a secret event when they were our age where they would have to leave their phones behind and get on a bus to a secret location, hahaha. He was also giggling and said it felt like he knew we’d won the lottery, but couldn’t tell us because he said he “knew so much” that we didn’t and then went on to joke about how we’d won the ‘Taylor Swift lottery’ because we were at her freAKING HOUSE.

Then we went into the room to HEAR THE MASTERPIECE OF AN ALBUM, and then she FUCKING WALKED IN LOOKING AS FLAWLESS AS EVER, came to the front, like RIGHT INFRONT OF US, and sat down and began telling us about how she stalked us for OVER A YEAR and has hand picked us then sent our accounts to TN so we could be invited. We heard the album, obviously alllll that info is confidential, but she SAW US and went ‘OMG TWINS.’ SHE ACTUALLY JUST RECOGNISED US out of like 100 people and smiled so big. We started crying and I (Katie) said ‘WE LOVE YOU’ and by this point even our Mum was SOBBING. She made eye contact with us so much throughout the whole thing it was so special. All we can say is, prepare yourselves. There is no album that even compares to rep, not even RED..

Then we were all sat waiting to be called up to MEET TAYLOR SWIFT. We were smelling her candles (SO NICE, OUR MUM WAS OBSESSED BY THE WAY @taylorswift ) and I (Katie) sat waiting in T’s chair. Andrea also came in to open the doors because everyone one was warm and she smiled so big at us and held onto Kaz’s dad so she didn’t fall hahahaha. So then, we got called to come to meet her by a member of TN and while we were waiting HERE COMES SCOTT SWIFT AGAIN. He came downstairs holding his glasses like ‘got my five minute dad nap’ (he’s so precious) and sat down on the stairs next to us and spoke to us and thanked us for coming. He was like ‘You got guitar picks, yeah?!’ so we laughed and said yes!! 

THEN WE WALKED IN TO BE GREETED BY TAYLOR. As soon as she saw us her face lit up and she was like ‘KATIE AND CHLOE!!’ WE SHIT YOU NOT OUR SOULS LEFT OUR FREAKING BODIES. SHE KNEW WHO WE WERE AND KNEW OUR NAMES, she seemed so genuinely happy to see us there. So we ran up to her and hugged her so tight then started talking to her. Then she said to Chloe how shes seen other people wearing her outfit at the event and she was like ‘WHERE CAN I GET THIS?!’ referring to Chloe’s dress and OF COURSE SHE WAS D E A D. TAYLOR SWIFT COMPLIMENTED HER OUTFIT LIKE HOW WAS THIS HAPPENING. So she (Chloe) told her it’s from Topshop. Chloe told her how proud we were of her which was such a special moment. She spoke to our Mum then and thanked her for bringing us and being so supportive then said.. ‘THEY’RE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE’.. WE ARE THE LIGHT OF TAYLOR SWIFT’S FREAKING LIFE. At this point we were literally dead and seriously couldn’t even believe what was happening.  Then she held my hand SO tight (Katie) for most of the time we were talking WE LITERALLY WOULDN’T LET GO OF EACHOTHERS HANDS and she looked straight into our eyes and payed one hundred percent attention the entire time. She seemed so excited to ask and tell us things. She said she loves seeing us online etc. and that she loves our videos that we have posted on there.. SHE HAS WATCHED OUR VIDEOS. She also told us she made an exception so we could be there because it was supposed to be 18+ and we’re 17.. TAYLOR SWIFT made an EXCEPTION because she wanted to MEET US.  Then I (Katie) told her how we’d had a bad time recently but since we got the DM from Taylor Nation we had not stopped smiling. SHE WAS SO HAPPY THAT WE WERE HAPPY. Then Taylor said ‘shall we get a picture on the couch and we can be triplets?’ WE ARE TAYLOR SWIFT’S TRIPLETS. So we replied like ‘ Y E S!!!!!!’ We sat on the couch and T said ‘shall we do this?’ and put her hands under her chin and she looked SO PRECIOUS then we took the picture.We hugged her again and as we were standing up I (Katie) asked her if she’s coming to Manchester on tour and told her how we went to Fearless and 1989. She hugged us again so so tight and said we were adorable. Then she told us she loved us and we said that we loved her again and said bye.

As we were walking out Tree saw us to tell us where to go and she said we’re ‘BEAUTIFUL GIRLS’ which was so nice of her honestly she is complete sunshine. Then we had to wait downstairs for the bus (every time another group came in after meeting Taylor we were just like “HOW DEAD ARE YOU” and we discussed how much we loved the album- everyone was so nice, TS creating friendships as per) and we got given merch bags which had a t-shirt, pop socket, key ring, hat and a sticker inside which is so so lovely of her. All her team from security to TN were so so kind and her parents were literally so lovely they were checking on everyone like, WE LOVE OUR PARENTS

@taylorswift thank you for making that night the best night of our entire lives. We love you so much, we can’t even put into words how special it was you literally have our entire hearts. WE LOVE YOU, TRIPLET. We are honored to be the light of your life.

October Friday 13th 2017. 

The signs as stereotypical Scottish things
  • Aries: Nicola Sturgeon's unbridled rage, unleashed during FMQ at fools who think they can take her.
  • Taurus: Square Sausage and Well Fired (aka burnt) Rolls.
  • Gemini: "Whit school dae you go to?" aka "I need to know if you're Catholic because sectarianism."
  • Cancer: Being put on a lucozade drip by your mum when you're ill.
  • Leo: That time Jim Murphy got egged and acted like he'd been shot.
  • Virgo: People who pronounce "Alba gu Brath" with a 'th' sound.
  • Libra: That one week of summer. The topless middle aged men with beer bellies. The only six pack they have is of Tennents. The Tennents is warm. Also you can smell weed and stale piss.
  • Scorpio: "Gaelic was never spoken here" said by people from places where gaelic was most definitely spoken.
  • Sagittarius: That time Alex Salmond threw a Saltire over David Cameron's Heid.
  • Capricorn: My dad watching Football on BBC Alba and still only knowing "agus" (and). Says it so slowly it doesnt actually sound like the same word anymore but still full of pride.
  • Aquarius: Neil Oliver's Haaaaaiir.
  • Pisces: Drinking Irn Bru on a rainy beach in summer. Cold, and full of pathos.
surprise

thanks to @ruintoronto for giving me some inspo to write some dad!shawn even though this legitimately sucks and it didn’t turn out how i hoped it would also ik it isn’t exactly what you wanted so im sorry 

feedback always makes my day <3 

also highly highly unedited 


“Mummy look at the clouds!” your 4 year old daughter Ava yelled, earning a quiet shush from you as she continued to stare out the small window of the plane. “But mum I wanna show Vicky!” she whined, attempting to reach over you to gain the attention of her twin sister who was happily watching a movie with her headphones on. You watched as Ava tried to get her sister’s attention multiple times but each time she called her name, she was ignored.

“She’s trying to watch a show baby,” you said “Why don’t you watch a movie on my iPad?” you handed her your iPad along with some headphones but she refused. “What about getting some sleep?” you suggested, earning another head shake from the little girl. Ava was a stubborn girl like you and when she wanted something she won’t give up until she gets it and right now, she wants to talk to her sister who was in the seat next to you, trying to watch a movie.

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My friend's commentary during the first episode of Voltron part 1

•"Damn you were right Keith is really pretty"
•"What’s skunk hair [Shiro] doing now?“
•"Pidge is so cute I love him”
•"Oh my god their faces in the blue lion" *laughs*
•"What is he doing. Also, daammn those eyebrows.“
•"I low-key ship the guy with the belt and eyebrows guy, wait, Lance, right?”
•"Shiro is like space dad.“
•"I ship Allura with space dad. She’s like space Mum. And space child.”
•[about Voltron forming] “gO GO POWER RANGERS”
•[about Hunk] “He should be the belly of Voltron”
•"yeah, belly guy and Lance /are/ brotp.“
•"seems like a chill dude.”
•"omg I feel like space dad is gonna be really overprotective of Pidge. Wait, is he gonna be like that guy on his mission space dad was really overprotective of?“
Me: “you mean Matt?”
•[my friends brother walks in] “Jesus Christ what is that? It looks like messed up Power Rangers.”
•"I ship it”
•[about Coran] “hes like their uncle and everyone is like ‘wyd’”
•"they’re all like ‘keep it chill’ and he’s like 'I can’t there’s a party in ma pants’“
•[about Allura] “Ok but she is like low-key the boss of everyone. Including space dad”

“But she’s indecisive”
•"Well that’s convenient”
•[Her brother leaves muttering 'good god this is stupid’]
•[imitating Allura] “I must keep speaking but I also must maintain this British accent even if it’s shit”
Me: “it really is”
•"yass"
•"hes like 'I don’t think the gut will fit’. Fat shaming 101"
•"round? Really?“
•"aww little guy.”
•"ship ship ship"
•"whenever anyone talks to anyone else I’m like “ship ship ship.” Except that green guy hes precious. And yellow, I guess"
•"dad"
•"aww space dad is trying to keep Pidge out of trouble.“
•[batman theme tune but 'space dad’ instead of 'batman’]
•"i feel like the rest of them are on the main plot line and those two are just, idk, playing with mice”
•"wait that’s low-key sexist. All the guys get weapons and she gets [*vague gesture*] mice.“
•"quoting space dad 101”
•"cute small sidekick"
•"conveniently smart cute small sidekick"
•"hEY IM BONDING WITH YOU GET OVER HERE"

so i might’ve been watching stardust and i might’ve gotten soppy about vanessa and usnavi so… have a vansnavi stardust au

3

“I’ve also modified my parents’ memories so that they’re convinced they’re really called Wendell and Monica Wilkins, and that their life’s ambition is to move to Australia, which they have now done. That’s to make it more difficult for Voldemort to track them down and interrogate them about me – or you, because unfortunately, I’ve told them quite a bit about you. Assuming I survive our hunt for the Horcruxes, I’ll find Mum and Dad and lift the enchantment. If I don’t – well, I think I’ve cast a good enough charm to keep them safe and happy. Wendell and Monica Wilkins don’t know that they’ve got a daughter, you see.”

6

[TRANS] From. CHEN - 170921
(please take out with credits to @ dayafterdae)


Hello~ This is Chen~!
It’s already my birthday again hahaha. Time seems to be passing really fast~
Everyone, is your 2017 going well? I’ll upload a birthday commemoration message for everyone since it’s been a while ♡

Today i did some digging up~! (T/N: research)
Okay, let’s begin.

First up, it’s my eyes!
I think my eyes are really similar to my mum’s. My mum and dad both, have double eyelids. When I laugh/smile I really look similar to my mum hahahaha

Next is my nose~! (My) Full looking nose is similar to my dad’s. Awhile back, i chanced upon a photo of my dad when he was younger. I seem to resemble him as I grew up hahaha

Lastly the lips!!!!!!!!! These days the weather is really dry…. Our Aeries apply lip balm~!!!

For giving me a path (T/N: raising me in a way) that’s beautiful and healthy thank you mum and dad~ i love you ~♡

Also our EXO-L~!!! Thank you for wishing me ‘Happy Birthday’. This 2017 too, I had a fun and exciting time because of our Aeries. For the remainder of 2017, together, let’s spend it excitingly~

It’s cold at night so be careful not to catch a cold ~♡
Bye~

Hi, here’s me trying to write Drarry

“au where harry james potter has a youtube channel in which he tells story times about himself and shit that happens with him and bam one day he and Draco Beauty Guru Malfoy collaborate: Harry tells a story time while Draco does his make up”- @saintdrarry

Harry James Potter started his youtube channel at the age of 18, when he moved out of the Dursley’s and into an old London mansion he inherited from his late godfather.

  • He goes to uni for European History (he wants to be a professor because he’s a neeeeerd) .
  • His first video- “Welcome to this Grim-old Place!”
  • Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, and Ginny are constantly in his “daily” vlogs
    • Tbh he’s shit at being daily, it’s mainly when he can be bothered to go outside
  • He loves to walk around the city with his dogs, Hedwig (a Samoyed), and Padfoot (a Great Dane-also called a boarhound)
  • Often, they go to a small bookshop owned by Xenophilius Lovegood (who always lets animals in) and read for hours
  • He likes to put glasses on his dogs while the lay down and drool over “doggy books” (chew toys in the shape of books) and Instagram it
  • He likes to walk around the house and make up stories about the Blacks, and then ends them all by looking at the camera, very seriously, and saying, “Their ghosts will murder me in my sleep, I’m Sirius, goodnight.”

  • Often, though, he just makes videos at the end of the day telling about his life.
  • His best videos are the drunk ones at all the youtube parties-or the ones when he’s home alone
    • An excerpt from one such video, where he is sitting on a desk chair backwards-”you guys, i gotta be honest with you. Boys are hot as fucK
      • He fell off the chair during that last word
  • The channel gains popularity, and he has like 4 million subs by the time he turns 20
  • His most watched video (with like 15 mil views!!) is “My Coming Out Story
    • The Thumbnail is of him and Ginny sitting on his bed
    • The description is, “Hi im not gay. Im not straight. Im certainly not dating Ginny. Yes, I used to. No, I don’t have an s/o atm.
    • Luna pops up about 30 seconds in, kisses Ginny for 10 seconds while Harry very awkwardly looks at the camera, and then leaves with Ginny.
    • Newsflash: he’s bi af.
  • His second most watched video is about his mum and dad, and everyone cries watching it.
    • They died protecting him in an attempted robbery from a gang when he was very little
    • He also talks about Sirius and Remus
    • Sirius died by being killed by a gang member (after spending 12 years in prison for “being one”
    • Remus died from Cancer
  • Another video is where Luna, Ginny, and Hermione do his hair and choose his wardrobe for a daily vlog
    • He lost a bet
    • His hair is long, so Hermione puts it in a french braid and ties it up in a messy bun
    • They then spend a few minutes talking about how Hermione’s coarse hair has a different care process
    • Ginny chooses an orange button up shirt and faded dungarees for the outfit
    • Luna just elects to put glitter/stick-on jewels on Harry’s face because, she says, it will really pop on his dark skin
  • After that video they film a vlog in which they go to the London Zoo, which is quite near Grimmauld Place
  • Harry really likes the glitter, so he searched Youtube for makeup tutorials and found the one, the only, Draco Malfoy
  • While watching his videos, Harry always notices how clean his workspace was
    • Harry’s house was constantly a mess, but he always cleaned on Sundays-he really did!
  • Also, Malfoy was cold, hardly ever expressing emotion
  • He was brutally honest and loved a challenge
    • Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson (two other beauty gurus) often pop up in his videos
  • Malfoy has one video up about the racist comments he receives for his friends being, well, not white
    • He rants for 15 minutes about how real MUA’s should be able to do makeup on all people, not just white people
  • Apparently, Malfoy has his own line of makeup, called, of course, “Malfoy”
  • All of his videos were makeup related, but his other social media (what no, Harry didn’t stalk) shows his normal life-perfectly pristine and flawless in every way, with a hint of crude humor on Tumblr
  • He was never seen in public without a full face of makeup; his eyeliner could cut a bitch.
  • He didn’t have any pets, but his parents owned an estate with peacocks and horses
    • Draco had a Friesian called Atticus (After Atticus Finch, of course)
    • Anyways, Draco lives in London as well and goes to uni for English
  • One day, Harry emails Draco asking if he wants to collab.
    • This was after weeks of obsessing and multiple friends yelling at him to “just find the boy and snog him”
  • Technically, Ron and Hermione wrote and sent the email
  • When Draco reads it, his heart stops
    • Wow who knew that Draco had been low-key obsessed with Harry the whole time?
    • I did. I’m the author
    • Also, you did. This is a cliche and I am loVING IT
    • Anyways, back to the story.
  • He immediately calls Pansy and yells at her to go to his flat
    • They spend 20 minutes crafting the perfect respons
  • 3 days later, a bare-faced Draco Lucius Malfoy shows up on Harry James Potter’s front doorstep. 
  • He steps in, and Harry offers a cuppa
  • He accepts, and they talk for almost two hours before starting to film.
  • Draco sets up his makeup and hair stuff on a desk next to the camera, and has Harry sit down on a stool opposite his own
  • Harry decides he’s going to talk about his godson, Teddy, and tells Draco so
  • Draco just stares at Harry for about two minutes before bursting out laughing and informing Harry that Teddy is his cousin
  • Eventually, they start filming.
  • Draco decided a long time ago that Harry would be golden, and makes him up that way-from bright eyelids to shiny cheekbones
    • His lips were a matte brown nude with a shimmer on them
  • In the meantime, Harry chattered on about his bus ride with Teddy and how the kid’s hair was bright red, and it almost seemed pink in the sun
  • When they were done, Harry saw how he looked and gasped
    • “Don’t you dare cry, Potter, you’ll ruin everything”
  • After they turned off the camera, Harry worked up the courage to ask Draco out
  • Draco, of course, said yes, and kissed Harry softly on the mouth
    • “Oi, you’ll mess up my makeup” “The lipstick is special, it’s made to stay on. Anyways, I can always do it again.”

They then lived happily ever after goodnight.

since I’m still fairly confident we are eventually getting a DLC or expansion or sequel to Andromeda, I really hope for the following

  • More content with your twin because i loved my useless baby brother who overslept most of the drama
  • Have them be my mission control person, wheeze and snicker at all my stupid ass and snarky comments
  • Something to do with Dad or Mum Ryder because I refuse to believe Dad Ryder is dead because they were SO VAGUE ABOUT IT WHEN I ASKED ABOUT IT also Mum Ryder seems cool
  • More stuff involving SAM’s personality because I do love my little AI brother
  • Stuff about the ‘benefactor’ because I read the books and the mission in Andromeda made me like MORE PLEASE
  • More subtle nods at the Reapers and what happened 600 years ago in the Milky Way just because it makes me make a lot of noise
  • bisexual Tiran because I love him almost as much as I love Garrus and they gave me Garrus when we asked for him so there’s no excuse not to give us Tiran
  • bisexual Kallo because I love my pilot and am sad he’s not at least filtrable, like shoot me down, it’s okay, just let me tell you I love you
  • bisexual male quarian (seriously he’s been on my wishlist since ME2 and Kal’Reegar)
  • also a bisexual female drell if possible
  • or another male drell who is also bisexual
  • more content for the following romances that got shafted: Gil, Suvi, Vetra, Reyes
  • more casual romance options, and I mean real casual romances, like one night stands kind of deal, not these weird cheating style romances we got in the actual game
  • more flirt options with people who can’t necessarily be romanced just because I like telling people I think they’re amazing and dateable
  • More outposts 
  • actually getting to explore Meridian 
  • Getting to go back to Habitat 7 / Ryder-1
  • Finding a homeworld for the turians/quarians because they don’t have a dextro friendly planet and it’s causing me a lot of anxiety
  • Helping the other pathfinders find a homeworld because so far I feel like Ryder is the only one doing anything TBH

so in my house we all have this terrible problem with yelling to each other rather than going into the other room and just talking to them so usually conversations go like this

brother: [on the phone to his friend about some girl and their other friend Heath] yeah, Heath and-

sister: [from kitchen] HEATH AND WHO?

me: [from my room] DID YOU SAY KEITH?

mum: [from outside] WHAT HAPPENED TO KEITH?

dad: [also from outside] THINK HE DIVORCED HIS WIFE

brother: [from his room] HEATH. WITH AN ‘H’

me: [now walking towards his room] A WHAT?

dad: [still outside] A DIVORCE

and so on and so on until someone finally says 'just…wait a minute i’m coming to you’ or something.