and all your body

Accidents Happen (Part 5/?)

Peter Parker X Pregnant!Reader

A/N: I am so incredibly happy at the response I’ve received at this fic! I have a lot of plans for it, so stay tuned! Also, for those who didn’t see: The Accidents Happen Masterlist has a storyboard type collage thingy! LOL! I don’t know what to call it. So, check it out!

Warnings: Swearing, teen pregnancy (do these two things need to be a warning?), etc.

Masterlist // Accidents Happen Masterlist

 

Originally posted by sincerelysaraahh


25 weeks pregnant! Your baby is the size of an acorn squash!

Acorn squash, your ass! There was no way that this kid was anything smaller than a goddamn watermelon. Even if you were only at the beginning of your third trimester, you were ready for this baby to be born. You were getting up to pee – what felt like – every ten minutes, and all the body changes were getting annoying. Your belly had gotten so big, that you even had to start wearing those jeans with the band around the waist. This kid was a giant, and there were still so many weeks for him or her to cook. You felt like an incubator.

Plus, you were getting impatient to meet your baby. That was where most of your complaining stemmed from. You had been going insane with the shopping, and the nesting, in hopes of making time go faster, but no such luck.

Sitting in the waiting room of the fancy clinic that your OBGYN – Dr. Nguyen – was located at, you were staring at your pregnancy app in distaste. You had been reading the app while waiting for Peter to show the hell up. He hadn’t shown up at school – again – and was supposed to walk with you to the clinic for an ultrasound. You’d reminded him that morning, before you left for an early band meeting.

You were going to kick his ass.

“Y/N Y/L/N?” The nurse called out, and you stood up. You received a few looks of distaste from some of the other mothers there, which you were used to. You had been showing for quite some time, now, and were used to the looks and comments you received from people everywhere.

She’s ruining her life. How sad, another young teen mom. What a slut. Whore. Look, she puts out. Another person my taxes are going to be paying for. She must be trying to trap her boyfriend… Blah, blah blah, blah blah.

It was annoying.

You glared at your phone, shooting peter another text: What the fuck, man. You’re late. Again. They just called me back.

“Just step up on the scale, please?” The nurse asked, as you set your bag on the chair and stepped up. “Looks like you’ve gained quite a bit more weight.” She saw the look on your face, and quickly kept talking, “Which is a good thing. You’re still on a good track.”

“Great.” You said with fake enthusiasm, stepping down and picking your bag back up, “Do you mind if I call my boyfriend, quick?”

“You can do that in the room,” She smiles, “I’ll show you where.”

You follow her down the small, white hallways to the marked door. Room 7.

The nurse took your vitals before stepping out of the room so you could ream your boyfriend’s ass.

Voicemail.

You could feel your irritation growing. “Hey, Peter, it’s me. Your pregnant girlfriend. The one sitting in the clinic for her ultrasound. Alone. Again. I’m going to physically harm you. Get the fuck over here. We’re in room seven.” You hung up.

You called Natasha, next. Voicemail. Steve. Voicemail. Tony. Voicemail. You called every single fucking Avenger, and reached their goddamn voicemail. You were about one second away from calling the line directed to FRIDAY and having the AI put out an APB on the Avengers.

Instead, you called Aunt May in tears.

“Hey, honey! What’s up? I thought you guys had an ultrasound?” She answered, voice chipper.

“Peter isn’t here. Again.” You sniffed, wiping under your eyes, “I can’t get ahold of anyone to tell me where he is. Can you come here? I don’t like doing this alone.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” She replied with a sigh, “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Don’t worry, sweetie, okay? I’ll try calling Peter, too.”

“Thanks, May.” You hung up.

A minute later, the doctor knocked on the door. “Come in!” You called out.

May was true to her word, and showed up as fast as humanly possible. She got there just as Dr. Nguyen was leaving, and the ultrasound technician was coming in. To say she was ecstatic to see the baby on the monitor was downplaying it. You could practically feel her vibrating with excitement in her chair.

She burst into tears with the first sound of the heart beating. Just as you did, the first time after deciding to keep the baby. When the tech started moving the little wand around your gel-covered belly, she let out a small squeal.

“That’s the baby!” She cried, “Oh my goodness, the baby is so big, already!”

“Believe me, I know.” You smiled, staring at your baby moving around on the screen as the tech took a bunch of pictures of each body part, “My bladder function gets worse as he or she grows.”  

You and Peter wanted to keep the gender a surprise. Aunt May had her guess, and was sticking to it. She claimed that she was keeping her guess a secret, but seeing the ultrasound had confirmed her guess. Apparently, she had googled what to look for when seeing ultrasound photos.

“Are you coming home with me, or do you have some things you need to get done with Mr. Stark?” May asked, as you both stepped out of the lobby and into the warming April air.

“I guarantee that Peter is at the tower, so I’m going to head over there.” You smiled, “I’ve got an ass to kick. Plus, I need to talk to Dr. Cho about my job.”

“Don’t kick it too hard,” She laughed, giving you a small hug before you started walking in the other direction, “He promised to paint the bathroom, and put together the crib.”

Yeah, he promises a lot of things… “No promises, on my end.” You called out, walking down the busy street in the direction of the tower.

Your anger had been held at bay with Aunt May in the room, but it had been internally building.

Your anger had reached a new level: livid.

This had been the second appointment Peter had missed, and he had been late to almost all of them. Not to mention that he kept skipping school for missions and doing his Spiderman things. He wasn’t even going to pass Sophomore year, at this point. He had been missing everything in school, and in your lives.

He even stood you up for a date that he had planned at a nice restaurant – some nice elderly couple ended up talking with you and paying for your meal, because they felt bad for you.

He thought you were pissed, then?

He was about to see a whole new type of pissed.

You stormed through the front entrance to the tower, and turned heads. The employees were used to seeing you come in and out of the tower, but they were not used to seeing you come in with a murderous look on your face.

“Ed,” You went over to the security checkpoint and flashed him your pass, “Have you seen Peter? I need to shoot him.”

“I haven’t seen him since yesterday.” He raised his eyebrows, “Why are you going to shoot Mr. Parker?”

“He missed another appointment,” You walked towards the elevator, “He’s a dead man. I guarantee he’s here. Better warn Tony that there’s about to be a domestic.”

When the elevator doors opened, you took a deep breath. Your anger was driving you to tears. You’d never been much of a crier, but all bets were off after you became pregnant. Your hormones were making your emotions come straight to the surface, no matter how hard you tried to remain calm.

You were so frustrated. It was like you were the only one who had been getting your shit together, these past few weeks. You got emancipated, and moved out. You studied hard in school. You got a job at the tower. You showed up to your appointments on time. You started reading the baby books and went to the classes. All by yourself.

Peter did not have his shit together.

“Miss Y/L/N, do you have an intended floor?” FRIDAY asked through the speakers. Oh shit. You forgot to say which floor.

“FRIDAY, do you know where Peter is?”

“He is in a meeting with the team. Would you like to inform him that you are looking for him?”

“No.” You clenched your fists, “Just take me to the floor, please. I need to talk to him.”

As the elevator started moving. As you ascended, you leaned against the wall. You wanted to be with Peter – you loved him more than you had ever loved anybody else – but if he wasn’t going to get his shit together, what were you supposed to do? This baby doesn’t deserve a parent who can’t put them first. It wasn’t about you, anymore. This baby was supposed to be priority number one.

You stomped out of the elevator, taking out the ultrasound pictures from your bag and moving down the hall to the team’s usual meeting room. The walls were all glass, and you saw that every single avenger was sitting in the room looking at something on a screen while Steve talked.

You slammed the strip of ultrasound pictures against the glass wall, almost cracking the glass, and gaining the attention of everyone in the room. You pointed to the pictures with a pissed off look on your face, and Peter immediately jumped up from the chair with a look of horror and guilt.

You stomped over to the door to the meeting room and threw it open, “Are you fucking kidding me, Parker?”

“Y/N, I-” Before he could get another word out, you started hitting him with your purse, “Ow! Stop it!”

“You’re lucky I don’t have a gun, you asshole!” You hit him, again. “This fucking morning you said you’d be at school to pick me up, and walk with me to our appointment! You said you’d be there! You promised!”

Natasha grabbed your bag and set in on the floor, before grabbing your wrist – pulling you a few feet away from Peter, “We had a mission this morning. We’ve been in meetings ever since.”

“I don’t give a fuck if aliens are fucking destroying the city, again!” You yanked your arm from her grasp, “This baby comes first.” Tears started leaking from your eyes, and you looked back at Peter, “You still don’t want this baby, do you?”

His face fell, “Of course, I do. I’ve never not wanted the baby.”

“You just want to be Spiderman more?” Your lip wobbled, tears leaving hot trails down your face. “Because lately Spiderman has become priority over this baby, school, and everything else.”

He slowly walked over to you – wary about being hit, again – and framed your face with his hands, “I want you. I want this baby. I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, pulling his hands from your face and stepping back, “You keep having to apologize and keep making these promises, but what about after the baby is born? You can do this shit to me, but I won’t let you do this shit to the baby. You need to think about if you’re going to be in this baby’s life. Otherwise, we need to end this.”

The room was silent.

You could see the tears in Peter’s eyes, and he looked heartbroken. He took a deep breath, trying to blink back his tears. Then, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you, burying his face into your shoulder. “I’m an asshole. I’m sorry. I love you and I love this baby.”

Shit. You were supposed to be angry. You sniffed, wrapping your arms around him, too. “Yeah, you are. You need to get your shit together.” You pulled back a little, “Aunt May’s going to kill you. She came to the appointment, after I called her and told her you weren’t there.”

“Is everything okay with the baby?” He lifted his head, moving his hands from around your waist to placing them gently on your swollen belly. “Did the doctors say anything?”

“The baby is healthy, and growing at a normal weight.” You placed your hands over his, and you scowled, “And you need to stop giving in to my cravings. I gained even more weight.”

Natasha laughed from behind you, “It’s all those wontons you keep eating, Pachen’ye. They go straight to your ass.”

You turned your head and glared at her, “Me and my fat ass will sit on you.”

“Gaining weight while pregnant is a good thing.” Clint rolled his eyes, throwing his pen at Natasha. “You can talk to my wife, she’s been pregnant and birthed three kids. If the doctor said you’re fine, then your fine.”

“So, now that things are all fine and dandy,” Tony’s annoyed voice came from the front of the room, “Can we get back to the prisoner we currently have locked in my basement?”

“Prisoner?” You whispered to Peter, as he pulled you into his chair and stood behind you – leaning on the back of it, with his hands on your shoulders.

“Yes, you heard me correctly, Juno. Prisoner.” Tony groaned. He needed to quit calling you Juno, if he valued his life. “We caught a big baddie from the HYDRA ranks. That was why Spiderkid missed your appointment.”

“Where was he? Was he in New York?” You asked, opening Peter’s copy of the file they had on the mission details.

“He was part of an illegal shipment of stolen weapons that we, conveniently, heard from our little informant we have.” Everyone in the room grumbled at Tony’s words. “Which means it was a trap.”

“A trap? Seriously, guys?” You leaned back, closing the folder before you got to read any of it. “I take it that you guys are fine, since you’re all here and talking to me. Is he your only prisoner?”

“No,” Peter said from behind you, “All the other HYDRA soldiers are prisoners, as well.”

“Now that I’m up to speed, what are you guys going to do with the prisoner?”

“That’s what we’re deciding.” Steve turned the monitor back on, “This is HYDRA agent Sean Morris.”

Your entire body tensed up as you stared at the screen.

You knew that name.

You knew that face.

You knew him.

One side of the screen was his picture from the file – the one you didn’t even notice was in there. The other side of the screen was him, strapped to a chair, locked in a cell.

His face was the one that haunted your dreams. His face was the one you would remember in early childhood memories, before your mom started doing drugs and drinking. He was from before. Before you moved to Queens, in hopes that he would never find you, again. Before your mother started to blame you for him getting mean, and her having to leave him.

He was the only person who had known that you could heal with your hands. He was the reason you had the powers, in the first place. He was a mutant. He had the strength of a thousand men.

Sean Morris was your father.

He was your father, and he was a monster.

You could barely get the word out, before a panic attack took over your body.

“Dad?”


Part 6 (Coming soon to a Tumblr near you!)

TAGS: (Let me know if you wanna join the party! I do forever tags, as well!)

@luckynumber1213 @castellandiangelo @sassyandclassyx @mrsnegan25 @impossiblepizzapeace @glitterquadricorn @pigwidgexn @chameerah @kawaiianime03 @lxdyred @let-me-luve-you @nataliehasgrace @koizorahana @flowergirlbarnes @littlemissshortcakes @kgbrenner @marveltomjunkie @essie1876 @whatmakesmebeme-tblr @jibichen @itsssmichelleee @thatbookgoat @gigi-xavier @muffinfangirl28 @lets–be-honest @time2pound @yxsminx @imaslutforjungkookie @sellulii @spiderbaby @sugglife @gaining-confidence-for-life @intoomuchfandoms @clean-and-claire @radicalstars @etherealdiana @riverdalemami @eksavestheworld @lets-imagine-fanfics

To all my girls* out there, struggling with their weight

First of all bitch, you’re amazing no matter what size you come in. Stop focusing on a number on your scale and start looking at your body in a romantic way, you don’t have to believe it, just try it out a couple of times. You don’t owe anyone to look a certain way. You’re worthy of respect and love. Don’t waste your energy on worrying about your weight but focus on what makes YOU happy and not what makes society happy. You’re unique and talented. I love you and I support you and I hope you can see how beautiful you are sooooooon.

tumblr’s rhetoric towards skinny people is honestly so toxic because even though it sounds positive to uplift people who aren’t skinny because we’ve been seen as the norm for so long…you can’t seriously preach body positivity when in your attempts to tell one kind of person they’re beautiful you’re telling another one that they’re ugly and useless because somehow their body is a trend and tumblr is so over it

because all i’ve seen is “thunder thighs are majestic” followed with “lol thigh gaps r so 2012″ even though like people with “thunder thighs,” we were born with thigh gaps.

nobody’s body should be a trend. to hell with “these ppl r gr8 but fuck this kind of person” posts. all bodies are beautiful. your’s, mine, everyone’s. this shouldn’t be a contest. no single body type is better or worse than another. 

anonymous asked:

It's punk to think of tattoo ideas and draw them in black sharpie all over your body but only plan to give yourself a stick n poke after you've liked the same design in the same place for at least a year.

who conditions their hair AFTER they wash their body …. defeats the purpose cuz the residue from the conditioner coats your body and feels all slippery and gross …. NOT cute

anonymous asked:

If you do smut can you do a bullet point of Eric teasing you at school

;0

-if youre together in class, hed sit next to you but in the back of the class, hed scoot your seat closer to his and peck your cheek 

-depending on your outfit hed try his best to run his fingers on your leg, and glide up and hed whisper in your ear, “have you ever passed the seven seas?” and youd giggle, and hed grip your thigh and count “1, 2, 3, 4, 5- “ and hed watch for your face as his hand would get reasonably close to your hot spot

-you’d whisper moan for eric to stop, and hed bite his lip, and watch your mouth as your face expression would change when hed start to rub you from your jeans/leggings/or over your panties if you were wearing a skirt

-in the library hed always try to touch you all over your body as much as he could without you both getting caught

-in the smokerspit he could have his way with you, and finger you sometimes when there wouldn’t be much people around 

-”fuck.. youre so lovely..”

-in the commons hed sit you real close to him, and tease the fuck out of you while rubbing you, and fingering you while still holding conversations with dyl, or nate and youd suffer, gripping his hand for him to stop but hed keep going, knwoing that when you’d buck your hips into his hand you were close

-”i love doing this to you.. youre so fuckin’ hot i love you..”

-licking his fingers discreetly, infront of his friends and you blushing so hard youd burry your face in the crook of his neck and he’d smirk, and giggle and pretend like nothing happened

-”aww why so shy all o’ sudden princess?”

The Alphabet Game!

Tagged by: @prettyrickyreid

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better!

A: Age? I’m basically a grandma trapped in a youth’s body y’all so your guess is as good as mine

B: Birthplace? Jersey Girl here

C: Current time? 7:46 PM

D: Drink you last had? Water (stay hydrated, kids)

E: Easiest person to talk to? My girls Jillian, Anna, and Amanda

F: Favorite song? Current favorite song is probably Lia Marie Johnson’s DNA

G: Grossest Memory? Honestly y’all I have no idea

H: Horror yes or horror no? Horror meh?

I: In love? I could probably give you a fifty page essay about how much I love my best friends

J: Jealous of people? ALL THE TIME

L: Love at first sight or should I walk by again? (Okay I’d probably laugh at this tbh)

M: Middle name? I don’t have one 

N: Number of siblings? Just one younger brother

O: One wish? To be happy!!! 

P: Person you called last? My gal Anna

Q: Question(s) you are always asked? “Can you help me with this?” 

R: Reason(s) to smile? THERE ARE BABY ANIMALS IN THIS WORLD, GUYS! CUTE LITTLE BABY ANIMALS AHHHHHH

S: Song you last sang? Seventeen from Heathers the Musical

T: Time you woke up? 5:20ish AM why is my school so fucking far away

U: Underwear color? dark grey

V: Vacation destination? Italy! Or Japan! 

W: Worst habit? Literally everything is a worst habit for me

X: X rays? Two times I think?

F: Favorite Food? French fries, ice cream, noodles, char siu, I just really like food guys

Z: Zodiac sign? Gemini!

Tagging: @dontshootmespence @reiding-and-writing @ilikepipecleanerswitheyes @reidbyers @sunshinemgg @milkandcookies528 @mcgnetowcsright @crimindsaspe @ralvezmood @spxcxrrxid

Havin Damn Fun.

Slip from stress

To the state if undress…

Bare yourself to the world!

Feel ther breeze caress your skin

On all the body not just limb…

Accept yourself and smile

Throw your clothes in a pile…

For you are who you are!

Feel your body slip through the sea

Skinny-dip for a starter…

There are many others who

See and feel as you do….

Join in and experience the feeling!

Find the warmth of unity

Amongst others within nudity…

Smile, laugh for awhile

Walk nude for a mile….

Perceive the freedom felt!

Enjoy being bare in the sun

Cause we be havin damn fun…

Philip Owensby

Hoe Tips: Self Love/Self Confidence

The key to being a boss hoe is loving yourself, and reminding yourself that you👏are👏the👏shit👏. I know this is easier said than done sometimes, so here are some tips to change your self perspective, and honestly to change your life.

1. I know this is going to sound cliche, but eating healthy and exercising does WONDERS. Taking care of yourself physically is a huge aspect of taking care of yourself mentally, as it balances out hormones, produces endorphins, and makes you generally look and feel better.

2. For body confidence: take selfies. Take several. Try out different filters, angles, and lighting and see what you look best in. If you’re comfortable, even take some nudes or lingerie pics to boost your ego. Snapchat has a feature called My Eyes Only where you can passcode protect any pictures you don’t want people seeing to keep all of your selfies and nudes.

3. Cut off people who treat you like shit. Cut off people who aren’t important to you. Cut off people that contribute nothing to geting you where you want to be. Delete numbers, block social media accounts, whatever you have to do. Be civil if you interact with them, but do not let them suck you in.

4. Learn to say no. Say no to things that make you uncomfortable, or things that hurt you, or things that may put the things you work hard for at risk. You are not obligated to do anything that you don’t want to do. Say no, and don’t apologize, because it is your RIGHT to say no.

5. Take yourself on a date. Go for a walk, see a movie, eat at your favorite restaurant/cafe. I like to make a habit of doing this once at least every couple of weeks, for some alone time.

6. If you’re comfortable, or at least willing to try, masturbate. Invest in a sex toy, or rely on your fingers, and go to town. Physical pleasure can do *wonders* for your mood and your self confidence.

7. Do your hair/makeup/wardrobe the👏way👏you👏want👏. Pick out looks that you KNOW flatter you, and invest in more items and styles like it. Toss/donate clothes or items you don’t like, and make sure that the only things in your vanity/closet are things that you know you slay in.

8. Make playlists that make you feel like a boss ass bitch. Beyonce, Rihanna, 5H, Nicki, and Ciara are some personal faves of mine, but any songs that make you feel sexy or in charge will do. Listen to them in the car, during your workout, just laying around, etc.

9. Every month, reserve a day to treat yourself; do some yoga or workout, take an epsom salt bath instead of a shower, soak your feet (warm water+baking soda in a little bucket=super duper soft feet), paint your nails, do your eyebrows, do a face mask, meditate, read a book, knit, draw, paint, go for a walk, get a massage. Develop a monthly routine to have a day for yourself and do whatever it is that makes you feel best.

10. Invest in a freakum dress; everybody needs one outfit (doesn’t even have to be a dress) that you know DAMN well you look fine in. Mine is a black bodycon dress with ribbed sides and black heels, I look and feel like a bad bitch in it. When you feel down, put on ya freakum dress. Look in the mirror, examine your angles, hype yourself tf up because you fuckin slayyy boo

11. Educate yourself. Pick a topic that you want to learn more about (it can be anything, from an artist to a particular science to a sport) and research it. Do one topic per week, and be amazed with how much you learn and absorb. Treating your brain is too often neglected, and being rich in knowledge is the best kind of rich you can be.

12. Keep a journal. Write out what you feel about yourself, what moves you have made to take care of yourself, and what situations you can work on. This will help you keep track of your self love progress, and you can look back at certain steps for motivation.

13. Give yourself something to look forward to each day. Pack a delicious lunch before you go to bed, make plans with a loved one, reserve an hour for your favorite show, lay out your favorite clothes the night before, plan a nap, whatever motivates you to wake up a little happier the next day.

14. Watch ASMR videos or podcasts (you can find them on YouTube). These are videos that focus solely on sounds (wrappers being crinkled, nails being tapped, whispering, etc.), and stimulating your senses. Some get a tingly feeling from listening to specific sounds, others find it easier to relax/focus. It sounds stupid, but it genuinelt changed my life.

15. If you genuinely feel that you need more than just self-help tutorials on Tumblr, do NOT be afraid to seek professional help. There are plenty of affordable, helpful therapists, hotlines, and counselors to assist you in any emotional conflicts that you may be having. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is not something to give up on if the first try at therapy doesn’t work out for you. If you feel you need it, please please please, seek help.

16. Quit drinking/smoking/doing drugs if you do any of them. This one should go without saying.

17. Make a bucket list; list places you want to go, things you want to do, concerts you want to see, and start doing them one by one.

18. When you make minor mistakes (a bad grade, a missed play in a sport, an embarrassing moment, etc), use the two minute rule; take two minutes to be upset, assess the situation, establish what you could’ve done differently, and move on. After two minutes, take the issue as a lesson, instead of as a mistake. Learning that you are human, and furthermore mentally establishing how to be a better one, is a HUGE aspect in self love.

19. Know your worth. You are a human being, capable of endless things. You have your own flaws, and your own talents, and your own assets that are unique and individual to YOU. You can wear whatever, sleep with whoever, date whoever, eat whatever, do whatever, as long as you 1) respect legal values and the values of others, and 2) remember your own value. Do not let anyone demean you, because you are more than someone’s critique of you.

That’s all I can think of for now. Love yourselves, babies. I know from personal experience that it’s hard to go from rock bottom to the throne, but I swear with patience and resilience, it can be done. My messages are open for anyone who needs to talk or has any questions. Stay safe, queens💞

Be aware of the way in which you speak to yourself, for the quality of your self talk can have a major impact on your quality of life.
It not only affects emotions and feelings of harmony, but also one’s wellbeing and entire self perception.

Words have a major impact when spoken to other people; they may hurt feelings, or crush hopes.
It is absolutely no different when it is directed towards yourself.

So please, only speak kind words to yourself. Only use encouraging, mindful, and constructive dialogue.

—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

kevin and neil headcanons because i dont see nearly enough for them

☆neil: what is ‘dabbing’ kevin: absolutely not
☆kevin has to chop vegetables into tiny pieces and sneak them into neils dinners because his eating habits are shit
☆they go grocery shopping together and neil keeps putting junk food in the cart and kevin keeps shoving it back onto random shelves with varying levels of rage
☆neil: do i even weigh anything to you? kevin, holding him a foot off the ground: no. its like holding a bag of grapes
☆whack each other w their exy racquets when they get too Extra during practice
☆scary movie ride or die fans
☆kevin curls up and watches through his fingers and neil punches kevins leg when a jumpscare gets him
☆kevin: *mentions anyone who has even slightly inconvenienced him* neil: you should kill them
☆kevin can always sense neils bullshit and he will, inevitably and invariably, be able to tell when neil is doing Something Stupid
☆neil photobombs kevins interviews at/after games ALL THE TIME
☆kevin: it was a tough game but our hard work paid off
☆neil: in the background wearing 3 pairs of sunglasses and dumping an entire gatorade over his head while maintaining eye contact with the camera
☆neil can suplex kevin
☆they are savage at dragging like god help whoever brings down their Roasting Session upon themselves bc they will taste the wrath of a god
☆neil makes a game of how many outlandish claims he can make and still have kevin believe him
☆neil: did you know i once spent a week in australia and had to eat nothing but jellyfish and twinkies to survive
☆kevin, wide eyed and scandalized: how are you alive
☆neil WILL pick a fight in a fast food restaurant and kevin has to bail him out
☆kevin listens to 80s pop music when he works out and neil finds out. neil Finds Out.
☆neil plays 21 loops of tom jones’ ‘whats new pussycat’ and kevin tells him to put in 1 ‘its not unusual’
☆kevin will send neil a million texts until he gets a response. like in a row, in the span of 15 seconds buzz buzz bitch where are you
☆neil watches chopped and kevin loses his mind because neil will drag a contestant for mixing caviar with peppers while at the same time eating like mac n cheese with nutella
☆they get too into laser tag and get kicked out

thanks i love them