and all of you have made it a better experience for me somehow


2013 : The year that saw FC Bayern München conquer it all and beyond.

So it felt punitive somehow.
I think it did. Taking the morning-after pill feels punitive. Not for everybody—I think some people can do what they need to do, and have no emotional repercussions, and I don’t want to discount that experience at all. For me, it felt like—it was like I was disappointed in myself for letting something happen to my body that I didn’t mean to happen, I guess.

I think a lot of it is when something makes me feel ashamed, or sad, in a way that feels cliched, or like I should have known better, then I feel guilt about the feeling, and that makes it worse. Sometimes you sleep with someone and you feel shitty about it. Not everything has always made me feel empowered that I thought would. And I think it’s been important for me to acknowledge that, and to not have too much bravado about it. Just because I haven’t always found monogamy to be the most fulfilling solution, doesn’t mean that everything else I’ve tried has worked always, either.

The first time.

Hi there.  I have been inspired to write about my own relationship/sex/body/love experiences for a while now.  Ever since I started watching Sex and the City when I was 15 (had to do it in secret from the rents, I was very sheltered), I was relieved to have an outlet where the advice and life experiences were not only real, but made me feel so much better about myself, and growing up with all of the sexual frustrations I could feel but somehow could never understand.  I felt like everything I had ever been told about sex and relationships had been sugarcoated or morphed into something vague and distant that I could never really get a grasp of.  The whole point behind Carrie’s sex column wasn’t just to tell silly jokes about awkward dates, and bad oral, but to truly relate to your audience and let them know that you are not alone.  

I believe these things STILL need to be talked about, (until the end of time) in full disclosure, so that we don’t drive ourselves crazy with love and heartache, and confusion, and all of that other bullshit.  I haven’t found a sex column since this show that I can truly relate to–so I figured I’d write about this stuff myself. 

Cheers to the first post.  My first time.  Let’s be open with each other shall we?

- A