and actually standing on a box

You Can’t Find My House

I just got off the phone with mom, and we came to the realization that my family has lived in a series of unplottable houses for a couple generations now.

-The First Unplottable House is on my dad’s side of the family, in Delphi, Iowa.  The directions to it are the stuff of Buried Treasure:  Turn off the county road with a fraction in it’s name, to the Named Dirt Road, then turn at The Discount Eggs Sign on to the Unnamed dirt road that takes a meandering path THROUGH a corn field, DO NOT take any forks on that road or the farmer will shoot your ass, then take the paved road that dead-ends on ALL the way to the end- No, farther, the road keeps going it’s not a cliff-The only indication that You Have Arrived At The Correct Driveway is that a fat gray pony will charge the car, screaming, then escort you the rest of the way there.

It’s on the side of an enormous river, they’ve owned the property since 1911, and that’s the ONLY route there.

-The Second Unplottable house is in Bedford, Ohio and belonged to my mother’s parents.  It’s at the corner of two side-streets, right across from the tiny Italian grocery store.  Due to strange development decisions, the house is about 30 feet above street level and rendered invisible by a chestnut tree so majestic Hyao Myazaki would probably put it in a movie.  The driveway, however, is VERY visible from any of the surrounding houses, the grocer, or the street.  

At least in theory and old photos, becuase if you actually GO there,  your eyes slide right past it to the neighbor’s lillac bush, or to the retro neons of the grocery store or up the Chestnut tree.  it is literally HARD to look at that driveway, all the world around it wants to pull you away.

-The Third Unplottable house is in Salinas, CA, home of my paternal grandparents.  It is the single most BORING house possible- like, if you were to ask a third-grader to draw a prototypical house, they would draw my grandparent’s house.  Utterly Unremarkable. 

Except for the part where my Grandfather, spurred by his success with the “non-fruiting” peach tree, decided to plant a California Redwood Tree, and it grew to approximately 150 feet over the course of a few short decades.  It is the tallest damn thing for miles around, and SOMEHOW deliveries keep being missed, mail is delivered to the neighbors, and any non-blood family that tried to visit would end up on the other side of town.

-The Fourth Unplottable House was the one I grew up in CA.  The Directions to it are as follows:  It’s the Bright Orange house Right Across From The School.  You know, the one with six flamingos and the Volunteer Avacado Tree.

SOMEHOW, we got everyone’s mail but OURS (we still wonder about the letter from Fort Knox for Mr. Thomas Saxophone), the other kids got lost trying to visit and ended up in Mr.Phan’s yard on the other end of the block.  Officer Brown, Mom and Dad’s friend, who had GPS back in the early 90′s becuase silicon valley, regularly got lost looking for our place.  The Flamingos did nothing.

-My parent’s current house is the second house on the right  after two right turns off the state highway that runs through town.  Sounds easy, right?  

Except that due to a couple small trees and a bend in the road, the house is invisible from the road.  I have to stand out in the road if i want my pizza delivered.  The Mailman is the only person who could reliably find the box, but he drives a subaru that’s older than my sister from the passenger side by leaning over, and delivers mail based on the aztec lunar calendar, so he’s probably not actually human.  I tried to host a party, tied rainbow balloons to the mailbox, and all nine friends had to be waved in from the street.

-My current apartment building Does Not Exist, according to my Bank, medicaid, Google, and City Hall which was a bit exciting when I first moved in and had to call everyone that yes, I was sitting in a building that really exists.   

Unless it’s my classmates, becuase they can apparently come to parties I don’t host. This Friday I had a friend telling me she had a great time at my place last Teusday… when I was home alone.  She assures me that I held a houseparty with “Those polish things you make” (I make great mini klatchky, but haven’t served them to her) and that “You were definitely there, we talked about Carvaggio and you drive me home”

Headcanon:

When Harry gets his first place after Hogwarts that actually has more than one floor, he comes home after getting a load of boxes to find Hermione using a sledgehammer on the drywall beneath the stairs. And Ron’s like, “Look, mate, I borrowed this stuff from my dad, I’ve got a DRILL and a - what’s it called again, Hermione?” “A stud finder.” “Right, one of those, and we’re going to fix your stairs.” Harry’s like, “But there’s nothing wrong with them.” “Yes, Harry, there is.” Harry’s just sort of standing there in total bewilderment while Hermione totally demolishes the wall. “We couldn’t have done that with magic?” “No, Harry, this is personal. You two take this mess out to the skip.” And then Harry stands around a while longer and Hermione puts in support beams in the appropriate places so the stairs don’t fall in, and Ron’s very excited about using the stud finder even though Hermione won’t let him use the drill. When they’re finished, Harry has this set of shelves. So he says, still completely confused, “I thought we picked this place because it had loads of storage.” And Hermione says, “Go get some of my books. I know it’s just shelves, but it’s not a bloody cupboard.”

And every time Harry moves for the rest of his life, Ron and Hermione are there on moving day and they knock out anything under the stairs, even if it’s just a wall. Hermione reads a lot of books. Ron learns to use a miter saw and a carpenter’s square and practices the nail hammering spell until he can do it perfectly on the first try. And sometimes it isn’t very practical but it looks nice…

And sometimes, when they all get older and have children, it’s cozy and has a purpose…

And eventually Hermione gets the trick of there being nothing under the stairs at all

Which is the story of how Harry Potter never lived in a house with a cupboard under the stairs again for the entire rest of his life.

Rearranged my shelf a bit today and look how pretty it is 💕

(This started as a response to this post of @rcmclachlan‘s but immediately took on a life of its own and got so long that I think it would be rude/derailing as a response, so here it is as its own post, sorry about whatever this is.)

I’ve just decided that Yuuri Katsuki is the Hugh Dancy of photoshoots, in that every photographer meets him, goes slightly cross-eyed, panics, and starts throwing questionable props at him and putting him in ridiculous situations.

Yuuri Katsuki as Hugh Dancy drinking a mojito on a ladder in a pool for no reason.

Yuuri Katsuki as Hugh Dancy Not Knowing How Chairs Work

Yuuri Katsuki as Hugh Dancy In Eyeliner And A Collar


Yuuri thinks this is just how photoshoots work, don’t they?  It’s how his have always worked, anyway, he sort of assumes his photos always seem so weird because it’s just some flaw in him, that he’s so unattractive photographers have to distract from his terrible face and katsudon body with weird settings and poses and props. 

At some point Phichit tries to sit him down for a conversation about how he has to stop doing That Look at his photographers because it incapacitates them and that’s what leads to things like that photoshoot where he’s balancing a pumpkin on his head while a chicken stares at him.  And Yuuri is just all; what look, I am trying not to make eye contact at all, it’s the only way I can survive having so many people looking at me, why are there so many makeup people.  And Phichit has to explain that it comes off as gazing coyly up through your eyelashes, Yuuri, you were practically batting them at the poor man and Yuuri just wails I COULDN’T SEE HIM, YOU TOOK MY GLASSES AWAY, I WAS SQUINTING.  

Phichit just: that poor man, he thinks you’re practically engaged, please wear your contacts and stop accidentally making people fall in love with you, I am running out of space on my wall for photos of you not knowing how different kinds of furniture work.


What I’m saying is that when Yuuri eventually stammers out to Phichit that he’s thinking of having some, you know, *lowered voices*, boudoir photos taken for Viktor’s birthday, Phichit’s response is twofold.  

First: get him, Tiger.  Second: hire a lesbian who will not give two fucks about your Eros but actually understands photography. It’s the only way they will turn out actually-sexy and not you naked-but-strategically-draped-in-goldfish, standing en pointe in a Home Depot, for some reason, waving a box of crackers.

Phichit assumes his advice was followed when Viktor’s one and only social media post on his birthday is I AM DEAD. I AM DEAD AND MY PERFECT AND PRECIOUS HUSBAND HAS KILLED ME, RIP ME, MY SOUL HAS LEFT MY BODY, I AM ASCENDING TO A HIGHER PLANE NOW.

Then again, who knows.  That’s also the sort of thing Viktor posts on any random Tuesday if he caught a glimpse of Yuuri’s ankle during dinner or something.

Phichit sends Yuuri a thumbs-up emoji anyway, because he’s an idiot and needs all the encouragement he can get.

Enjoltaire Highschool Teachers AU
  • Enjolras is the Economics and Social Sciences teacher in a Parisian highschool
  • Grantaire is the new Visual Arts teacher who’s replacing the old one who retired
  • Some classrooms, including Enjolras’, are being renovated, so they give Enjolras a room in the Humanities part of the high school, which is right below Grantaire’s classroom
  • On the second day of class, Enjolras gets interrupted by Mozart’s Queen of the Night, which is HARD to ignore, but he resumes his lesson like nothing happened, though classical music keeps playing from the ceiling
  • At lunch that day, he sits with his teaching buddies and someone he hasn’t met before sitting between Joly (Biology) and Bossuet (English)
  • “Some asshole was blasting music through the walls, what the fuck, who does that?”
  • “Oh that was me. I’m the new Visual Arts teacher. Local Asshole, apparently”
  • Grantaire likes to play music, anything from classical to metal to pop during his classes, to inspire his students and immerse them in art of every kind.
  • Enjolras can’t stand it. He’s pretty cool as a teacher, goes on rants and makes learning easy for students, but music is REALLY distracting. His new colleague really pisses him off
  • Plus they have to do a damn project together about advertisement and marketing to heighten their students’ critical thinking about society and all
  • Long story short, Enjolras thought he’d hate working with Grantaire but… it’s actually… really fun to work with him? He always has unexpected, outside the box ideas? It’s refreshing? As hell?
  • They end up kissing in the art room during break and stammer through the first minutes of their next clases because their minds are elsewhere
Batboys X Reader- Welcome To The Family

“He got another one?”

Dick and Jason stared at your dirty and small figure sitting at the dining room table, eating your food as if it were your last meal.  Bruce had informed everyone that he had taken you off from the streets when he found you at a crime scene.  You were hidden behind a couple boxes when a criminal decided to mug someone in the same alley.  The sounds of the victim struggling woke you up from your nap, making you leave your current home at the time.  There was a woman that was attempting to push a man’s knife away from her neck.  You quickly grabbed an old pipe you kept with you and stood up, quietly approaching the man until you were directly behind him.  You rose the pipe and bashed it on his head, causing him to drop the knife and collapse on the ground.  You hit him again for good measure and kicked away the knife.  The woman you saved stared at you, trying to process what you had just done.

“He’s still alive,” you muttered and kicked the man, receiving a groan from him.

“Thank you,” she stuttered out and hugged you.

You sighed at the warmth she provided, but had to let go, “Can you call the police?  I don’t want to be here without help if he wakes up again.”

She nodded and pulled out her cell phone out of her battered purse.  A few minutes later, a shadow enveloped you and the woman.  You turned around, the pipe still in your grip, to find the Batman looking at you and the woman.  He walked past you and the woman, grabbed the man, and placed some type of handcuffs on him.  Once he was finished with the criminal, he turned around and faced you and the woman.  

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I do

this is the l o n g e s t thing i’ve ever written also it’s literally a fluff extravaganza so you’re welcome. thanks to @kidinlovewithakid for helping me on this (it would actually suck ass if she didn’t) so enjoy folks! 

feedback is very much appreciated! <3 

wc; 4644



“Y/n,” you felt someone shake your body in attempt to wake you up. You groaned and turned yourself around so you were facing the opposite side of your warm bed. “Y/n you need to get up, you’re getting married today!” the voice you now identified as Mel, your best friend and maid of honour, kept vigorously shaking you until you finally sat up. You figured they must have let themselves in earlier since you had given Mel a key to the house for emergencies.

“Guys it’s so early please let me sleep,” you mumbled, wrapping yourself up in your warm comforter again in hopes they’ll give you just 5 more minutes. It may be your wedding day, but you were still beyond tired from last night’s rehearsal dinner and you were really starting to wish you and Shawn hadn’t stayed up for 4 hours after you got home. Neither of you had been able to sleep due to nerves and excitement so you decided to stay up and watch movies until you were tired.

“Where’s Shawn?” you mumbled, noticing that the other side of the bed was already empty.  You were a little disappointed that he woke up before you, even though you aren’t supposed to see each other until the ceremony you wanted to sneak in one last moment together before the chaos started.

“He left, now get up so you can go marry my brother!” Aaliyah exclaimed, jumping onto the bed and pulling the covers off you, exposing you to the cold morning air that was coming in from the window that Mel must have opened. You sat cross legged on your bed and took a look at your bridesmaids and the two mothers standing around you waiting for you to get out of the bed so you could finally go to the outdoor field where the ceremony was taking place.  You let out a shaky breath, the realization that you were actually getting married later finally sinking in.

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I feel bad for Lois Lane-Kent, for Jon Kent. The kid’s got Superman’s powers and metabolism but an actual human need for calories. She probably gets a reputation as a mom who must be shopping for little league concession stands or have a dozen children hidden somewhere.

She goes to Sam’s and gets chicken and cheese in bulk; there are two dozen boxes of macaroni in the pantry. There’s an entire case of mandarin oranges in the garage and a small bakery’s entire bread stock.

It lasts a week.

They finish dinner, Jon’s hungry again.

He’s hunting for snacks at two in the morning, he comes in fifteen minutes after lunch to ask what he can have for a snack.

And then he eats an entire box of corn dogs.

The Tenth Floor pt5

Min Yoongi had gone through 34 secretaries in the past 24 months, and each one of them left in tears. This fact alone should have warned you against taking the job, but the pay was too good to pass up. Surely you could put up with a billionaires temper-tantrums, right?

Yoongi x Reader & Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Fluff, humor, probably some angst

Warnings: Strong language at times, maybe some slight smut eventually

Part 1, 2, 3, 4


“So you do know him.” Yoongi said dryly once Taehyung was gone. 

“Not very well.” You said honestly. Yoongi didn’t have the chance to ask further questions, as other people had things to say to him. You drifted off to the side of the room where Namjoon was standing. He had been there for the meeting, sitting far in the back and watching how things went. You gave him a nod as you approached, and he returned it with a smile. 

“So he invited you to the meeting.” Namjoon said knowingly. You weren’t sure why this seemed so surprising to him, though.

“It is part of my job, isn’t it?” You raised an eyebrow. Seokjin looked shocked earlier as well, and you now guessed that it had something to do with your attending the meeting. 

“Yeah, Yoongi just isn’t always very good at letting people do their jobs. And especially because your new, I just… Wasn’t expecting it.” 

“I thought you said you had a good feeling about me?” You pointed out.

“I did. I mean, I do. I just…” He tried to backtrack, and you almost felt bad for putting him on the spot like that.

“It’s fine. I wasn’t expecting it either. But I guess it’s a good thing, right?” You glanced over your shoulder at Yoongi as you spoke.

“I certainly hope so.” Namjoon sighed. “I’m tired of replacing his secretaries. Do you know Kim Taehyung, by the way? It looked like he knew you.” 

You grimaced. You didn’t want to think about Taehyung right then, the fact that he had let you believe that he was someone else. After the previous night, you thought there might be something between the two of you. But now? You didn’t think you could trust him anymore than you could the people you worked with. “It’s… A long story.” You evaded. “What’s the big deal about him?” Yoongi seemed tense while talking to Taehyung, and you got the impression that the multi-millionaire wasn’t intimidated by many.

“Well, for one thing, he owns a ridiculous number of shares in the company. And not only to all the other shareholders adore him, they’ve tried to get him on the board of directors several times.”

“And that’s bad because…?” You prompted.

“Because he does things differently, and no one has any idea what he would do if he did get the position. Yoongi has people on the board who don’t question things too much, let him do what he feels is best.”

“And he thinks Taehyung would ask questions?” You didn’t feel like you were getting any real answers. Namjoon sighed.

“Not just ask questions. He would change things. Taehyung… Isn’t from this kind of life. Yoongi grew up in the business, was trained since he was a kid so he’d be ready to inherit it from his father.”

“And Taehyung?” You wanted to know as much about him as you could before you ran into him again–though you hoped that wouldn’t be any time soon, if ever. 

“Taehyung came from nothing. He wasn’t a prodigy, his family didn’t have money. He didn’t even go to an impressive college.”

Something wasn’t adding up, and you frowned at the door he had disappeared through. “So how did he afford shares in the company, then?” 

Namjoon shrugged. “Hard work. Some smart investing, supposedly. No one’s entirely sure, that’s the thing. He just showed up to the shareholders meeting one day with that permanent smile of his. It’s never been that big of a deal because he never showed that much of an interest, but he doesn’t know the first thing about what we do.”

You shook your head. You didn’t want to think about Taehyung anymore. The more you heard, the more you felt like you really had no idea who he was, which wasn’t a pleasant feeling. You said a quick “see you later” to Namjoon before joining Yoongi as he stacked the papers and notes from the meeting. Nearly everyone else had already left by now, and it wasn’t long before only the two of you remained. 

“Are you going to tell me how you know him?” Yoongi asked as he handed you the stack of notes, several files, and a notebook. You knew he had to be talking about Taehyung, and you sighed. 

“I can. But I’d rather not.” You adjusted the papers in your arms as the two of you began walking to the door. Yoongi nodded slowly.

“Don’t, then. I’m only curious.” 

You were surprised by this. As paranoid as Yoongi was, you were half expecting him to accuse you of being a spy for Taehyung. But Yoongi still looked exhausted from his all-nighter, and you supposed that he didn’t have the energy to be an ass at the moment. 

Your theory was proven wrong once you returned to the tenth floor, however, when he told you to go back down to the third floor and bring him two very specific boxes of files. He didn’t tell you why he needed them, just that you had to get them. Now.

It took a good thirty minutes to find one of the boxes, and another forty-five to dig out the second. Your hair was falling out of place by the time you made your way to the elevator with the boxes in your arms, and you almost didn’t notice the man who was already standing there. 

“Afternoon.” You greeted him before realizing who it was. Jungkook glanced over at you, giving you a smile.

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Far From Innocent (M)

Originally posted by jeonbase

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Kitten!Yoongi, Sub!Yoongi (lowkey), smut, some fluff with little angst (but mostly smut)

Warnings: (this is really tame) oral (male/female receiving)

Word Count: 3,733 words (of the worst thing you’ll read)

A/N: This was supposed to be Sub!Yoongi and posted on his birthday but neither of them worked out in the end. This is one of my least favourite smuts I’ve written, I’m sorry if you find it cringe or too rushed :( feedback is always appreciated.

The first time you had met Min Yoongi was when he was at the supermarket. Yoongi’s skin was pale, it almost blended in with the white walls of the building. You could already hear how unhappy the cleaners were going to be when they saw the dark specks of Yoongi’s fur on the perfectly white and clean tiles.


The first time you had met Min Yoongi was when he was at the supermarket. His fluffy black ears were sitting on the top of his equally dark mop of hair that looked too soft to even exist. Yoongi’s skin was pale, it almost blended in with the white walls of the building. His black tail was moving back and forth by itself on the white floor, sometimes curling itself up and then gently resting back on the ground or around his lean legs.

You could already hear how unhappy the cleaners were going to be when they saw the dark specks of Yoongi’s fur on the perfectly white and clean tiles. In his arms, he was carrying four bottles of milk in his arms and struggling to pick up the remaining boxes of the fish sticks for himself.

“Would you like some help sir?” You called out, even though you were supposed to be stacking cereal boxes, it wouldn’t hurt to help someone out.

“O-Oh, umm…” Yoongi glanced down at his arms before looking back up at you with his big eyes, “that’d be helpful, actually.” The corners of his mouth moved up, a small smile being shot at you which made you weak. You had barely even talked to this man or seen him around before but something about him was already drawing you in. You sent back a shy smile of your own before grabbing the only box of fish sticks that was in his hands.

“Could you actually, get another two boxes of sticks? They-they’re really nice…” Yoongi stuttered out quietly, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

You couldn’t help but grin back at the sight. As a kitten hybrid, he was obviously supposed to be cute, but something about him made him stand out to the other kitten’s you had met. “Of course. Is there anything else you’d like?”

Yoongi desperately wanted to say “Can I get your number? Can I get your name?” (yes my SHINee trashed can self needed to make this reference) but, it was too soon right? He barely knew you let along your name but you were cute to him, radiating innocence and sexiness at the same time and he didn’t know how.

“No, thank you.”

“Not a problem.” There was an awkward moment of silence as the both of you walked up to the cashier and placed things down. Yoongi rubbed his arms, trying to gain feeling back into them after carrying the milk bottles for a while.

“I think next time, it’d be better to use a basket rather than get sore arms.”

“I’ll remember, for next time of course.”


Next time happened to be three days later. Yoongi hoped he’d be able to talk to you again, or see you. That would be enough. You were doing your usual job again, stacking. It was boring and you hoped for something to take your mind off it.

Maybe that’s why your mind had drifted over to the boy from a few days ago. You were able to remember how cute he looked, how his round eyes stood out against his pale complexion, the way his tail brushed from side to side.

As he walked in, his nose picked up the distinct smell of your sweet smelling scent, something along the lines of lavender and rose mashed into one. Yoongi smiled to himself as he walked in. Of course Yoongi had remembered you saying taking a basket would be easier for him instead of carrying everything around, but he didn’t spare them a glance as he walked past, hoping he was able to gain your attention again and getting you to help him.

Yoongi walked over to the milk section again, looking intensely at the milk bottles to gain some more time in hopes of you walking by him or something.

“Back again I see, but no basket,” You giggled as you stood next to him.

“Thought I’d lose feeling in my arms again in hopes of seeing a beautiful lady again.”

Yoongi and yourself were both in more than just a little bit of shock when those words left his pink lips. A pink tinge made it’s way to his cheeks again, just like a few days ago. Needless to say, Yoongi didn’t hesitate to come back whenever you had shifts in hopes of seeing you again, maybe buying too many milk bottles and fish sticks along the way.

After that, it didn’t take very long afterwards for the two of you to become friends but you always wanted to be more than just friends. You had learnt that Yoongi wasn’t that innocent kitten you had met at work. Instead, he was filled with snarky comments to make you at a loss for words on how to sass him back. Sexual comments (which were apparently a way to tease you) that made you turn bright red and a deep morning voice that would make you wet embarrassingly quickly. However he’d never think of you as more than a friend.


You had walked into your apartment after a rough day of work, wanting nothing more than a warm shower and to collapse onto your bed. Yoongi was staying over at yours while his apartment was getting fixed. Somehow he had broken the sink and the toilet at the same time in one day.

You didn’t expect to come home to whining Yoongi with his head tossed back as his hands were wrapped around the hard base of his cock. You certainly didn’t expect yourself to be standing there seeing him jerk himself off. Yoongi knew you were standing there looking at him, his ears twitched and picked the sounds of your footsteps before you walked in. He smirked to himself.

A low whine of your name fell out of his lips making you move your legs together, throat going dry. Seeing Yoongi like that was a beautiful view for your eyes. His cheeks flushed a light pink as his pale hand moving up and down on his cock almost so fast that it was in a blur, how his soft supple lips would release moans and small throaty hisses from his chest at the pleasure he was feeling.

“Ar-Are you going to come over and help me out a little? Or stare a-at me until I cum on myself?” Yoongi was hoping his voice would come out a little more structured, but the pleasure going through his body at this given moment was enough to screw him over and make his voice rather high pitched.

Your eyes widened a little, the sight being an incredible turn on for you. Your brain was confused, feet frozen to one spot, unsure of whether to go to him or forget you ever saw him in this vulnerable state. Yes, you were definitely attracted to Yoongi, however seeing him like this in front of you took away any possible air you had in your lungs, the sight made everything around you turn blurry, concentrating on just him alone.

You weighed the ups and downs. What if you left him there to help himself? Would that be an opportunity you would be willing to give up? Would you rather sleep than possibly get laid? Would it make you a bad person for not helping out a friend? But most importantly, would you regret not giving Yoongi head if you walked off?

Some part of you wasn’t ready to pass this opportunity up. It might not happen again, why not try it out? Dropping your bag and taking off your shoes, you stepped closer to where he was seated on the couch, going to sit on your knees before he pulled you on top of him making you place your legs either side of his, your skirt bunch up around your upper thighs. The action made Yoongi raise his head to look at you, hand falling from his hard on.

Yoongi smirked at you slightly before pulling you down for a kiss. It was filled with hunger and lust, it was rather rough and sloppy but you didn’t mind it, you sensed Yoongi needed release and that’s what you were going to give him.

Your hand trailed down his chest, his stomach slightly tensing as you got closer and closer to his lower region. Your mouth swallowed a whine that came from Yoongi when your hand grazed over his dick. You pulled back from the kiss, biting your lip down at Yoongi because he looked so cute below you even though you had barely touched him. This sight was something you never wanted to forget, yet never want it to end and wanted more of it at the same time.

You raised your finger and ran it over the bulging vein on the side of his dick. Raising your hand to your face, you spit on it before wrapping it around Yoongi’s cock, all the while keeping eye contact with him. Your hand moved all the way down to the base of his cock slowly before coming back up to his tip and then repeating the action.

“Fuck,” Yoongi whispered, closing his eyes slightly as your hand slightly tightened around his length. Yoongi’s hand came to rest on the part of your thighs that were exposed, slightly raising it up your hips a little more before moving his hand to your ass and giving it a playful spank which made you let out a slight gasp.

Finally, you moved off his lap, getting on your knees and separating his legs so you could sit between them. You took your time with Yoongi, kissing his thighs until until you reached the base of his dick and taking it into your hands again.

“D-Dont tease, please,” Yoongi whined as your tongue kept placing small kitten (hehe kitten, cause Yoongi’s a kitten too lmao I’m sorry) licks on his tip, licking away the beads of pre-cum that had gathered there. You let out a small giggle before flattening your tongue and licking up the length of his cock making Yoongi let out a breathy moan.

You opened your mouth, letting his cock slip inside inch by inch. Hollowing out your cheeks, you moved your head back and repeated the action, sucking hard but not enough to hurt him. You were determined to make Yoongi cum.

Hearing his groan when you did that made you think back to the time when you heard him pleasuring himself in his bedroom the other night. Yoongi had left the door open, letting your hear his noises when you walked over to your room. His groans were soft but just loud enough to be heard from outside. The quiet noises of slick juices mixed in with his small moans had fucked with your mind and any innocent thoughts you had before, were replaced ones of how Yoongi would look while whining and coming on himself.

“G-God - Y/N, fuck don’t stop,” low whimpers were being heard from him. Yoongi looked down and locked eyes with you.

“You look so pretty with your mouth wrapped around my cock Y/N. So pretty,” he spoke but mostly to himself, however that didn’t stop a low moan slipping from yourself, the vibrations going all through Yoongi’s body.

Yoongi’s moans got louder and be became a little bit more restless, hips bucking into your mouth making you choke a little but that only made him groan - he bought his own hand that wasn’t tangled in your hair to his ears, rubbing them softly in hopes of reaching his peak. It didn’t take long until Yoongi came whilst your name slipped off his lips, his cum shooting into your mouth.

Yoongi lay there a little breathless but pulled you up, licking your chin and the sides of your mouth, swallowing the residue of his own cum that didn’t get swallowed by you. Yoongi’s hair was stuck to his forehead due to the sweat, his soft black ears hanging back tiredly.

“I-I’ll go now,” you whispered, turning embarrassed by the not so innocent situation that took place. Hopping off his lap quickly, you grabbed your bag and rushed to your room, a red tinge over your cheeks and your entire body burning.

Yoongi was left there breathless and more than a little taken back. The girl of his dreams had just given him a blowjob he’d been wanting for so long, but now it was going to be even harder (than his dick amirite) to forget you on your knees taking his dick into your mouth.

Waking up the next morning, you stared at the ceiling above you. How were you going to face Yoongi now? You gave Yoongi head, your best friend, a blowjob! How were you supposed to talk to him when all you could think about was how good he looked above you, becoming a whimpering mess. You lazily put on a shirt and shorts, washing your face and heading out into the kitchen to make breakfast for you both.

“Morning,” Yoongi greeted you in the kitchen after he had taken a shower, his wet and dark locks making him look even better if possible.

“M-Morning.” You replied, stuttering over the word just a little.

“What’s for breakfast?” He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Pancakes.”

“Hm, sounds delicious.” Yoongi started before everything went quiet for a few moments.

“Look, Yoongi about yesterday-”

“Let me fuck you.”

“W-What?” You turned around to face him but maybe it was a bad idea. His gaze was burning into your eyes, intense and determined.

“I didn’t stutter. I like you, I really, really like you. Do you know how hard it was to fall asleep yesterday night?” Yoongi took a step towards you, placing his hand on your cheek. The action making you sigh contently and press your cheek against his hand. “Especially after your cute little mouth was wrapped around my cock, God, I can’t forget it.”

“Yoongi…”

“I see the way you look at me, it’s a little obvious you like me I have to say,” He chuckled, “Y/N, please say something, you don’t know how much self control it’s taking me to not take you right here right now.”

“Then do it.” Not even a second later his soft lips were pressed against yours, his large hands coming to pull your body against his. You raised your hands to wrap them around his neck, fingers twirling into his hair and tugging gently, making him groan. Yoongi was hard in no time, his dick pressing against your lower stomach.

“Yoongi, couch,” was all you managed to mutter out against his lips before his arms wrapped around your thighs, making you jump and wrap your legs around his waist. Your lips were still pressed against each others, it was needy, but the both of you couldn’t pull away from each other. Yoongi made it to the couch (all the while bumping into a few things), sitting down so his back was against the rest as you sat over his legs again, a replay of last night coming into play.

His hands came to your waist, pulling you in closer. Your heat rubbed against his growing erection, the slight contact making you moan. You could feel Yoongi smirking while he kissed you - the small moan he got out of you making him want to hear more.

You sounded so cute to him, yet so fucking sexy at the same time. Taking a hold of your hips, he began to rock your hips against his hard on, making you pull away from the kiss, mouth slightly ajar as you felt the pleasure shoot up through your entire body. Yoongi’s hands fluttered just underneath your shirt, pulling the material off of your upper body, staring at you with a brief smile on his face.

“You’re so beautiful, so much more than what I imagined.” Yoongi muttered, mostly talking to himself, voice coming out as a low whisper but your ears managed to pick it up - a blush spreading across your face. Yoongi smiled up at you, placing kisses to your neck before you felt his teeth nibbling at it. The contrast of the sweet kisses and the biting making you go a little crazy.

Yoongi didn’t waste anymore time, his hands coming to undo your your bra and sliding it off your shoulders, pulling you towards him once again, hand trailing over one of your nipples.Your hands came to his hair again, occasionally stroking his ears making him groan. His warm mouth wrapped around the other as his hand fondled with the other, you already becoming weak at his touches. Yoongi moved you off his lap, your back pressing against the couch, looking up at him with big eyes.

“Let me treat you princess. After all, you were so kind to me yesterday,” Yoongi spread your legs, situating himself between your legs, kissing up along your thighs softly, gently. His larger hands came to unzip your shorts, pulling them down your legs. He smirked when he saw the wet patch on your underwear,  almost chuckling to himself.

“I made you this wet already? We haven’t even started yet, princess.” The nickname sent shivers down your spine, somehow his voice dropped even lower when he had said it. Yoongi’s slender fingers brushed the waistband of your panties before his mouth was trailing kisses across your lower stomach. Yoongi pressed his thumb just above your clit over your panties, making you groan - he was so close to your bundle of nerves yet so far away at the same time.

He smirked to himself, slowly inching his thumb lower and rubbing your clit in small figure eights, his eyes consuming the way you held in a breath, tossing your head back at the delicious rush of pleasure running through your veins, the way your back arched just slightly off the couch. Yoongi loved it. He wanted more.

Yoongi widthrew his thumb from your clit, moving himself to a better position, one where his face was directly in front of your heat. Yoongi moved your wet panties to the side, unveiling your slick walls. Yoongi looked up at you, smirking and moving forward, his pink tongue sticking out as he licked your throbbing nub, never tearing his eyes away from yours. That alone had you going crazy. The fact he looked so innocent while doing a not so innocent action was driving you nuts.

Yoongi groaned at how you tasted. It was divine to him. His finger came to hook into your panties, pulling them down your legs and tossing them to the side. Grabbing your thighs, he moved you closer to his mouth, wrapping his soft, pink lips around your clit - he alternated from sucking to flicking his tongue over the small nub, your small whimpers telling him to keep going.

His tongue did one final flick to your clit before he flattened it out, licking up your folds, gathering your juices on his tongue and moaning into your pussy.

“Fuck I should have eaten you out sooner, you’re so sweet.” Yoongi bought his fingers to your folds, spreading them apart for himself.

“So pink, so wet,” he muttered, keeping your pussy spread for him, his tongue coming to run up your pink folds.

“F-Fuck Yoongi,” you moaned, hands coming to grip at the corners of the couch tightly.

Yoongi’s middle finger circled your clit gently before slipping inside you easily, making your back arched off the couch. Yoongi smirked to himself, proud by the fact he didn’t have to do much to have you under his charm. Yoongi took his time, letting his finger be swallowed by your wet walls before pulling it out and repeating the action, slowly.

It wasn’t soon until his index finger joined, fastening his pace by a little - Yoongi placed kisses to your thighs as he did so, only to move his head away and pull out his fingers from you, raising them up and spreading his fingers so your juices were clearly evident, placing his fingers to his lips afterwards and keeping his eyes on you.

“So very sweet, taste yourself for me.” His finger dipped into you again, pulling it out and raising it to your lips this time. You opened your mouth, enveloping his finger in your mouth, humming around it. Yoongi’s mind was invaded by the thought of you last night, on your knees, mouth wrapped around his length with eyes filled with lust.

Yoongi withdrew his fingers his fingers from your mouth upsettingly. Instead he dipped between your legs, fingers pressing into you again whilst his mouth wrapped around your clit, his tongue massaging the throbbing bud sometimes gently, sometimes roughly, the contrast making you lose your breath.

His fingers curled themselves up, pressing against your g-spot which had you reach down to grip Yoongi’s hair. Yoongi groaned into your mound, feel good vibrations going through your body - his fingers kept hitting the same spot over and over again. That made your walls clench down on his hand while you tossed your head back, mouth ajar and eyes shut tightly.

Yoongi was mesmerised at how good you looked at that moment, a moaning mess above him. You rocked your hips against the ministrations of his fingers and mouth, desperate to reach your peak that was blooming closer and closer.

“You gonna come princess? C’mon baby, let me taste you,” That’s all it took for the coil in your stomach to break, your orgasm flowing throughout your entire body. You tossed your head back, mouth opening wider as a mantra of Yoongi’s name along with incoherent curses left your lips. Yoongi’s mouth didn’t pull away from your pussy, he helped you ride it out, his wet muscle lapping up everything he was able to get until you weakly whined and pushed his head away.

Yoongi sat back on his knees, his tongue that was buried in your legs before coming out to lick up around his mouth before he presses his lips to yours. You moaned at the taste of yourself that lingered on Yoongi’s lips.

“Don’t get too relaxed princess, you’re in for a long day,” Yoongi looked at you innocently, his ears falling down a little to give off the innocent appeal. You knew he was far from innocent though

anonymous asked:

Apparently Floriana has to stand on a box, so that's probably what's up in that ep, LOL!

HAHAHA STOPPPPPP. But like if she actually stood on a box for that kiss I’d give up my left pinkie toe to see behind the scene pictures.

It’s A Hate-Hate Thing {Lim Changkyun} ~Happy One Month!!~

Originally posted by wonhontology

Prompt: Y/N and Changkyun have been fighting for two years and their friends are tired of it, so they take matters into their own hands and handcuff Changkyun and Y/N together hoping it will help them get over whatever they have been fighting for, for the last two years, the only problem is: Y/N has no clue what is it herself.

Pairing: Changkyun x Reader

Word Count: 5.2k

Warning: smut, rough sex, 

|| Requests Open || Smut Game 1 || Smut Game 2 || BTS Masterlist || GOT7 Masterlist ||

**This is hands down the longest story I’ve written with an actual plot and smut scene~

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Lord of The Riddles

Requested: Yes. Anon asks, “Oh oh oh! May I request something? I feel like there’s not enough Darkiplier stuff on here, so would you mind doing a little fic or something of your choice on a Darkxreader, where the reader manages to trick Dark for once, and is is furious with it? Your choice on ending, and I love this blog, you’re such a good writer!!!”  

Fandom: Markiplier

Pairing: Dark/Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: I really didn’t know what to do with this one, honestly, so, I hope you don’t mind how I did this! Also, this has much more dialogue than detail. I’m sorry! <3 …Enjoy!

Originally posted by lum1natrix


   (Y/N) and Dark sat across from each other on the couch, (Y/N) was getting increasingly furious and Dark’s ego was swelling. He was proud of the fact that he couldn’t be beat and by the fact that (Y/N) was a terrible guesser. It had started with a simple sentence, spoken by the human as she sat on the couch, staring at her phone.

“Many have heard me, but nobody has seen me, and I will not speak back until spoken to. What am I?” it was a riddle and (Y/N) couldn’t figure out what it meant. She thought about it for at least 30 minutes. Dark, who had been passing by the living room at the time, spoke knowing the riddle right of the bat.

“An echo.”

“Hey, I was gonna answer that!” (Y/N) pouted as she scrolled past the post. The conversation was going to stop at that but Dark decided to add more.  

“It’s not my fault you can’t comprehend a simple riddle.”

“Excuse you!” (Y/N) turned to glare at him, she hated to be called dumb or even for someone to infer that she was.

“Do you disagree with the fact that you didn’t know what the answer was, even if it was simple.” Dark approached (Y/N) with a condescending smirk on his face. He sat on the couch beside her. He faced her and she faced him and if looks could kill, Dark was sure he’d be seriously maimed.

“Fine! If you’re so damn smart, I challenge you to a Riddle Off or whatever.”  

“And if I win?” Dark leaned forwards, regarding (Y/N) with narrowed eyes and the same smirk on his face as before.

“I will do whatever you want for 48 hours-”

“A month.” Dark cut (Y/N) off, challenging her.

“A week.” (Y/N) crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Fine. One week… And if you win?” Dark leaned back, folding his hands together in his lap. He loved their little games, mainly because he normally won.

“The same thing will happen. You will do as I say for one whole week. Do you accept?”

“I do.” Dark winked and (Y/N) rolled her eyes, she was to focused to get blush-y.

“What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?” (Y/N) read from her phone, watching him.

“You belittle me. The answer is a penny. My turn… You will always find me in the past. I can be created in the present, but the future can never taint me.” Dark grinned at her, watching as she mulled over the riddle in her head. She repeated it to herself a few times before a smile graced her lips.

“History.”


“Well, you’re not as dense as I thought.” Dark nodded, a genuinely impressed.

“Piss off,” (Y/N) scrolled through her phone, ignoring Dark’s mumblings about how she couldn’t come up with a riddle on her own. “What is easy to get into, but hard to get out of?” upon seeing the mischievous look in Dark’s eyes she blushed. She realized how dirty the riddle sounded but for someone like Dark, she was sure that he wouldn’t say anything about it. Apparently she was wrong.

“I could go the perverse route but that would be wrong, the most obvious answer would be… Trouble.” Dark turned up his nose, already knowing he was correct. (Y/N) grumbled angrily to herself, a frown on her lips as she searched for a new riddle. An hour had passed since they started the meaningless challenge. They had gotten closer both furious with the other.

“Fine! You want a challenging question? What’s in my pocket? Betcha don’t know that one you pompous, condescending, asshat!” (Y/N) stood, glaring angrily at the other figure. His head was starting to twitch from his frustration. The question, though it wasn’t a riddle, was still a challenge and he wanted to win. His ego was way too big to turn away from a challenge.

“Well,” Dark started, gazing over her form, assuming she meant the pockets of her shorts. “It’s not your phone as it sits, discarded, on the coffee table. It’s definitely not your wallet because that thing is way too big to fit in a woman’s pocket. I remember that you told me you kept a ring on you at all times, one from a lost relative, that’s my answer.” (Y/N) glowered at Dark as she went to reach into her pockets. Then it clicked and she couldn’t stop the smug look that reached her lips. She realized that the pockets were faux and that the ring was actually in her jewelry box, upstairs.

“I’m sorry Dark, but you’re mistaken.” (Y/N) felt the pride swell along with her own ego. She watched the smirk fall from Dark’s face as he too realized that she didn’t have any pockets.

“You broke the rules of the game.” Dark glared, his anger multiplying, but fought to control himself. His human had beaten him this time.

“There were no rules set… Now, are you going to stand there and pout or are you going to hold up your end of the bargain.” Dark gave an over exaggerated bow and (Y/N) clapped excitedly, her smile growing.

“How may I be of service to you?”

9 Practical Tips for New Witches

1.  Write down a list of your current passions, interests, goals, and beliefs.  Knowing this information can help you to develop your witchcraft and to make it more personal.  It’s important to feel a deep connection to your own style of craft, so it is incredibly helpful to incorporate the things that you love in life. While it’s a good idea to think of and list serious things, it’s 100% okay if your list mostly contains entries like ‘shiny things, stuff that smells good, My Chemical Romance’; you should definitely add entries like that, because that right there still tells you that you’ll probably enjoy using reflective objects, aromatherapy, and music in your witchcraft.  The entries on your list can help you to creatively think of ways to make your magick yours, while still helping you to identify any pre-existing styles and paths of witchcraft that incorporate elements of your list.

2.  Keep a regular journal, along with any magick journals that you might have.  Keep track of your health, your dreams, your moods, your habits, your life in general. When you are first starting out, it can be difficult to automatically see how magick affects you.  By keeping a mundane, regular journal, you’re better able to reference past events against your magick journals, to see if any changes or unusual entries (negative or positive) occurred at the same time as something witchcraft-related.

3.  Sign up for as many guided nature walks and talks as you can.  It’s always a good idea to know the nature around you, especially if you’re a witch. Guided walks and talks can give you first-hand experience when it comes to identifying plants, animals, and other things that you can find in your area. If it is allowed, remember to bring along a camera and / or a notebook so that you can record and reference your new knowledge afterwards.

4.  Take an interest in cooking.  This is an especially good tip for any witches that are looking to hide their witchcraft.  Learning to cook is a life skill, and doesn’t tend to draw unwanted attention.  The food, herbs, and spices that you use all have their own magickal correspondences and associations, so it really comes down to figuring out some ingredients that match your magick’s intent, and then finding an actual recipe that calls for those ingredients.  

5.  Start your own garden, no matter how small. Seeds can be affordable purchased at most stores with gardening centers, and you can grow some herbs in a leftover tin can.  Really, you don’t need a lot of space or cash to be able to start some sort of garden, whether indoors or outdoors.  Just make sure that wherever you are planting, you have permission to plant there!

6.  Develop your DIY skills.  Crafting, sewing, upcycling – spend some time learning about the ‘Do It Yourself’ culture.  Aside from being an excellent way to learn how to create your own tools and witchy stuff, a lot of the skills that you will learn can be incorporated into your spells.  So can any supplies that you have on hand for regular arts and crafts, for that matter. And when you get right down to it, nobody has to know that your handmade lavender lip-balm is actually an enchanted item and a dual healing / beauty spell.  Making anything by hand helps to give it power, and can be another great way to practice witchcraft under-the-radar; unless you literally announce that your felt-and-an-old-sock plushie is actually a poppet, how can anybody know?

7.  Find places to source your witchy ingredients and supplies. Look up and scout out any local:

o   Book stores

o   Box stores (like Walmart, Target)

o   Craft stores

o   Dollar stores

o   Farm stands

o   Farmer’s markets

o   Flea markets

o   Garden stores / Nurseries

o   Libraries

o   Hiking trails

o   Metaphysical / New Age stores

o   Rockhounding locations

o   Tea / herb stores

o   Thrift stores

o   Rock / crystal / mineral shops

8.  Build a non-fiction library.  Cookbooks, how-to books, field guides, books that teach you skills. History books, scientific magazines and journals, textbooks on any topic.  Read about first-hand accounts, theories and practices, facts and trivia. Read educational books meant for kids, and encyclopedias meant for months of study.  Don’t be afraid to check your material against a different source, either.  Finding multiple sources citing a piece of knowledge is a good habit to develop, especially if your knowledge deals with the safety or danger of anything.  Whether it was posted online or published in a book, make sure that the author’s information is accurate!

9.  Collect and upcycle bottles, jars, tins, and other storage.  It’s a running joke here on Tumbler: ‘witches love jars’. But wow is it an accurate joke.  There have been a couple of times that I’ve come home with new loose supplies like shells or acorns, only to stand there and realize that literally all of my other storage is taken and that unless I want to stick them in a plastic bag, I have to temporarily store them by taking the last few Piroutte cookies out of the tin and giving it a quick cleaning (and now you know the exact moment that I thought of posting about this tip! lol).  Practicing witchcraft can be a really quick way to turn into a self-powered miniature recycling plant; it’s a lot cheaper to clean that jelly jar than it is to go buy an actual Mason jar, and it’s usually better for the environment as well ^_^

I need to share what I found in my attic last night

By reddit user A10A10A10

I’m an old man living alone in an old house.  My wife and I bought it 10 years ago, just before she passed.  I don’t know how old it is.  If I had to guess, I’d say at least 150 years.  It’s your typical old house in back country southern United States, surrounded by forest and far from the closest neighbor.

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5 Times When.. - Thomas [Smut] (Princess Squad July 2017)

Author: @writing-obrien

Character(s): Thomas/Reader, Newt

Word Count: 3910

Notes: Y’all I feel like this really fricken sucks so go easy on me, okay? My writing  has been so shitty lately (hence why I went on hiatus) and I feel like this is, like, the epitome of crappy fics. Pretty basic smut here too, nothing exciting or kinky. Literally it’s so plain and boring like me IM SORRY. Thank you to @dumbass-stilinski for reading over it and leaving me notes and just editing and being great ok because she literally the best.


Originally posted by dylanobriengirl


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pet shop girl

Harry is lonely and meets a girl at a pet shop 

 I slowly pulled in and parked in the spot directly right in front of the shop. I turn off the ignition and pull the keys out of the socket and stuff them in my pocket. I reach for the door handle and pull it down to step out of the car. I stroll up and step on the side walk, reaching and ripping the door handle open. I hear the loud chimes as I opened the door all the way. I see an older woman feeding a few of the puppies some kibble, when she notices my presence she lifts her head up and look over towards my way.

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