and a lot of people seem very willing to excuse or even glorify them

Growing up in abusive household makes it impossible for one to have healthy references to non-abusive behaviour. Living with one extremely abusive parent can make the other parent seem kind and good, even though they’re both abusive, the “less” abusive one will generally be seen as “innocent” and “not at fault for anything”, and will be defended by the child as the only one they could have actually counted on from time to time, they can’t see the less abusive parent as abusive at all because “at least they didn’t hit me” or “at least they didn’t hold everything against me”, there will be a lot of desire to save the good parent’s good image in their head, and gratitude for not being treated extremely bad by both parents, because in child’s mind this is also an option.

Generally if one parent isn’t abusive, they will demand for divorce and protect their child from the abusive parent, insisting on staying with abuser even though their child is paying the price is already abusive, putting your child’s well being beneath their personal desire for lifestyle or benefits their abuser is offering, or any feelings they might have for the abuser is sign of a selfish, neglectful and abusive parenting, but how could a child see this when they’re trapped between two parents and one is destructive, and the other less? The less abusive parent will be appreciated and glorified simply for failing to be more abusive than they already are, child wont have any reference to actual loving behaviour, less abusive is the best they ever had and they’ll happily settle for that, even question if they deserved that much.

Also a lot of abused children will insist that the less abusive parent didn’t know or realized how badly their child was treated, they’ll convince themselves they managed to hide all the abuse and pain they went through so the other parent isn’t at fault - this is wrong, any parent who pays a normal amount of attention to their child will notice, and even if they pay very little amount, there are very strong, very obvious signs and symptoms of being abused, they cannot be hidden or disguised as easily, a suffering child is obviously suffering, the less abusive parent chooses to ignore and neglect it on purpose, for their own benefit. Yes they probably did notice their child was suffering, they just did not care. If they stayed married, it’s most likely both of parents are abusive. Less abusive doesn’t equal caring, nurturing, loving and healthy parent. It’s hard to acknowledge you’ve never experienced a kind parent. But it will help you to stop equating “less abusive than extreme” to kind. It will help you hold abusive people accountable for their actions, and to see them abusive as they are. You’ve been taught wrong about what not-abusive is like. Not being cruel all the time is not a sign of kindness. Neglect and denial of your pain is not kindness. Sparing you pain they could have caused to you is not kindness. Making excuses for having you suffer is not kindness. Protecting you from anyone who would hurt you, making your safety a priority, your well being important in their life, your happiness something they’re willing to take action for, that is how caring and safe parenting would look like.

Some (further) thoughts on Kanan and PTSD

Hi, @spaceyquill, @worriedaboutmyfern, @vikings4everetc, and @rebel-pilot-hera! (Okay, it’s not letting me tag vikings4everetc. How am I not already friends with you?)

I see your awesome conversation about Kanan and Hera and raise you some Kanan!

Nah, really, I just keep thinking about Kanan—and the things that you guys are talking about—again—and didn’t want to hijack your post.

See, about PTSD. I’ve seen two major arguments for how it applies to Kanan: OMG someone help Kanan Jarrus! PTSD! Awful! And: So what? He’s not the only one who’s been hurt. Why is he being such a baby? And then I think things. Because it seems to me that both of these arguments miss the subtlety of the show.

Full disclosure: I have been diagnosed with and treated for PTSD. (I’m in a good place right now; thanks.) Also, I was not immediately attracted to Kanan as a character because he seemed too much a one-dimensional good guy for a long time. So… I’m not super invested in him being perfect, or anything. That said, when I saw Siege of Lothal particularly, I assumed everyone saw the same things in Kanan’s behavior that I did. And it turns out…nobody read that episode the same way? I guess?

So, under the break (because this got insanely long; I am so sorry) are some thoughts about PTSD that apply to Kanan. They are based upon both personal experience and extensive research, but I’m not a psychologist.

Keep reading

Goofcon: Dashcon isn't a "scam" it's just silly

I was going to write a quick review of my experience at the first Dashcon… well apparently, things took kind of a weird turn when Welcome to Night Vale, the ‘keystone event’ of the convention had to cancel.

Let’s backup… what am I babbling about?

Dashcon is (and possibly “was”) “a convention for Tumblr users, by Tumblr users.” It was not affiliated with Tumblr. Basically a bunch of fans getting together to talk about the things they loved online, in the real world. A glorified meetup.

Dashcon gets its name from the Tumblr “Dashboard” which is the main screen most users of the website view the blogs they follow in an almost unending stream.

The event was going to feature “Tumblr celebrities” various “fandoms” (people fanatical about a certain cross section of media) and some educational/information panels. All well and good.

Was it a little amateurish? Of course.

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This is a first time event for a few disparate groups.

Before we slog further into how the thing seems to have gone sideways since I left Friday night, I just want to describe my experience as an attendee. (To jump to the controversy, ctrl/cmd+F to “But then”)

The entertaining panels were fun

I attended a panel about “odd fanfiction.” It was light on information. It was primarily a panel where a couple hundred people sat and listened to some very bizarre, poorly written, hilarious stories. The entire room was -excuse the pun- on the same page and it was a lot of fun. I have not laughed that hard in a long time, especially in a room full of strangers.

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Attendance picked up in the evening

Despite the photo I posted on Instagram of the registration area, attendance seemed to pick up around 5pm.

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“Informational” panels were less interesting

I’m counting such panels as “How digital art changed the world” (about the influence of DeviantArt and other online art communities) and “Nanowrimo and original fiction” as purely informational. They were light on specific fandom references and geared toward deeper knowledge about certain media.

Unfortunately, these sorts of panels were light on the in depth knowledge the panelists might be expected to have. Since Tumblr in general skews younger, the people leading these panels were often students or recent graduates. This may be an area of interest for them, but their level of knowledge and their presentation skills were not up to the challenge.

On a technical note, none of the panels I attended, outside of the costume contest held in the largest hall, had microphones. While audiences were generally quiet and attentive, it could be hard to hear people speak sometimes and it made it easier to tune out if a panelist was soft spoken.

If there are future events(and I’ll get to that in a moment), I think the convention organizers should strive for higher quality and less quantity of panels. I would be more willing to check out a panel about a subject I’m not at all familiar with if I could expect an engaging presentation or speaker.

In general, it was nice but not something I really connected with

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Dashcon clearly has an audience, but I’m not it. I knew that going in. I bought a weekend pass a few months before the event knowing full well that it could go many ways. While it has some passing similarities to a comic convention, the interests represented are both more disparate and more specific. If you’re not familiar with “Superwholock”, Homestuck, anime or Welcome to Night Vale, Dashcon appears to have very little to offer. On the other hand, within those 

But then…

it’ll probably help to have a bit of mood music here:

As with most human endeavors the specter of money reared it’s ugly head. Apparently the venue was demanding that the Dashcon organizers pony up $17,000 or else the convention would get shut down. Apparently, the organizers didn’t understand the contract they had signed and didn’t have $17,000 on hand to pay.

(Un)fortunately, the crowd of Dashcon fans was able to satisfy the hotel’s demands and the convention went on.

But then…

Welcome to Night Vale, the surprise hit podcast with a massive cult following, had to cancel at the last minute ALSO because the organizers failed to pay them properly. The organizers claim that they had the funds, but that Paypal was “malfunctioning”. At any rate, the Night Vale folks were not satisfied and canceled.

As a consolation, Dashcon attendees with tickets to the event were compensated with extra time in the ball pit.

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To be fair, people were also entered into a raffle for a bunch of autographed photos and anyone with Night Vale tickets was comped a Sunday ticket to Dashcon but what will live forever is that they started the second sentence of their apology message with “hey sad-face, have an extra hour in the ball pit!”

I’m not putting much stock in the posts people are making about obnoxious attendees. There aren’t many pictures or other evidence to back up some of those claims and I think a lot of people are finding fault in this particular con even though poorly behaved attendees is not unique even to comic/anime conventions.

It’s also apparent, after having attended the convention -even for the day- that the event is not a scam.

It’s real. It’s just poorly managed.

It’s clear they overestimated on attendance. Even at it’s busiest periods it was not exactly a crush of people. Which is good, but when you consider that the organizers don’t have money on hand, it’s clear they wasted whatever funds they generated somewhere (or they just weren’t smart about having funds available). Again, it seems like if they had focused on a smaller venue with higher quality panels, they would have had a more satisfying event.

This isn’t about the fans

It makes sense to have a “Tumblr convention”. The communities that have met and formed there are pretty unique. It’s not uncommon to see posts that say “I wish I could meet you all in real life.” And Dashcon was a response to that sentiment.

Comedian Jen Kirkman is fond of saying, “Everybody’s fun is different.”

That’s something worth remembering with something like Dashcon. While their fun may be different, they deserve to have a good convention and it seems that, in some big ways, the current Daschon organizers are letting down the attendees.

If it survives this controversy, hopefully they will put some serious focus on putting on the absolute best convention they can next time.