Also, I’ve decided that the next time someone tells me how lucky I am that my husband picked me (as in, not lucky that we have each other, but lucky he settled for me), I’m going to casually remind them that when we met, he was unemployed, hanging out in abandoned warehouses, taking the date rape drug for funsies with a bunch of other dudes. Like, he was not the only one taking a leap of faith when he fell in love.
I know that we have our troubles and our struggles, but that’s because we’re both human beings, with flaws and baggage. And part of the reason we struggle the way we do is that we’re both always trying to do better and evolve as people. The growing pains, the shifting and changing and getting reacquainted and learning how to love these new versions of each other, I believe that’s part of what makes our relationship work for us.
Last night, after a stupid missed connection over a bath, and finding out he’d booked the wrong place for the kids’ birthday (after having caused us to miss out on our first 2 choices), he laid down next to me and told me he was feeling suddenly overcome with anxiety. Being able to pinpoint that anxiety, to say it when it came, instead of acting on it, and complicating things more, is a huge deal for him. And so, I had to change my response. It wasn’t necessarily easy for either of us, and it looks and feels like turmoil sometimes.
At the end of the day, I’d rather be with someone who is consistently growing, and who values striving to do better, and I know he feels the same way about me. Neither of us was a particular “catch” at our respective 19 & 21 years of age. But we loved each other, and we believed in each other, and we’ve fought both with each other and for each other, and that’s how we’ve been able to make it work for the last 14 years. I didn’t just get lucky, we made our own luck.