and I felt it needed to be addressed

This is the one and only time I’ve ever felt the need to make a meme image.

But James! What about quality control, compatibility and upkeep!?

If the content creator does not address theses things themselves then they lose sales and value of their product. So it is more beneficial for them to address these concerns than the end user.

But I didn’t have to pay for mods before!?

No and valve is not taking down the nexus site. It will still exist with free mods, as will steam workshop. Paid mods will mean larger and more professional expansions of the game. Increasing its longevity. How dare people ask for money when they enhance our player experience.

But the cut for them is so small!

They make more from it than a Bethesda employee does for the same amount of work.

really quick I just want to address the fact that Andrea and Taylor told us because we are their extended family that has always been there and always will be. they felt like we should know. and also they wanted to remind us that even if our parents, or even ourselves get too busy we need to make time to get scans. in this difficult time for them, they are still thinking of others. they have so much love in their hearts and they are constantly thinking about others. this shouldn’t have happened to them, it shouldn’t happen to anyone. I love you Swift family. fight this with everything in you. you can beat this, I love you.

Care for yourself, too.

Coping with stress and taking care of your mental health is one of the most important things a nursing student can do. I personally have struggled with depression and anxiety for some time before I began my program but the added stress can bring anyone to a breaking point.

I just want anyone reading this to know when to reach out. I have let myself get to the end of my rope too many times when I was at risk of losing all I worked for simply because I wanted to be strong enough to manage my struggles on my own. But it’s not possible.

I sought help. I connected with a therapist who I felt comfortable working with and was skilled to address my needs. And it’s been a lifesaver several times. After a week of feeling overwhelmed I reached out just today even though it meant admitting feeling defeated and breaking a stretch of 7 weeks where I was doing okay.

My point in disclosing this is to encourage anyone who needs support and encouragement. You can not be a good nurse if you aren’t taking care of yourself. You can not get good grades if you’re struggling with doubt and finding the motivation you need.

We nurses are a unique breed. We often are described as needing to care for others because it fills a need we have ourselves. And our patients will receive even more from us when we are happy and healthy.

On Proving One’s “Race” Online

This is a very short rant because this situation has been coming up embarrassingly more often than it should on this website and I felt like RIGHT NOW it should be addressed?? Or at least, made known. I am super embarrassed for anyone who has ever committed this error (we are laughing at you) and I hope next time some of you who’re inclined to do this would sit down and think first.

My friend - who’s a very well-known artist here - has been getting way too many ridiculous asks questioning her about her race. She’s Chinese, and it’s not even pretend Chinese, it’s real Chinese, whatever that means; but I feel considering the situation we need to establish that (because apparently just existing as Chinese isn’t enough here). She doesn’t make her race obvious (AND WHY SHOULD IT BE IF WE CHOOSE NOT TO?) but there are some small hints to indicate her heritage; her name, her subject matter, etc. But apparently some people like to whitewash her, and assume she’s white, and they go and send these asks stating their opinion about her race. Here are some variations:

1. You can’t use Chinese because it’s appropriation.
Oh my god. Does that mean any language….outside one’s native tongue…..is appropriation?? Should second and third languages be banned from being taught lest we can use our newfound language skill to further exaggerate stereotypes and disrespect the culture where the language originated (it’s easier to make fun of flied lice and chopsticks if you know how to speak chinese apparently)? Guess they have to ban learning Spanish in American schools then……

Also who is this person to police which language I want to use in my art? As long as the characters aren’t blindly used (example being that movie Lucy’s grocery-list wall, and those nonsensical tattoos), you can be quite assured that the person is at least moderately fluent, familiar with or has researched some in written Chinese.

2. Why is your name a Western name? OMG!!!! YOU ARE NOT CHINESE!!! LIAR
Excuse me??? If you aren’t already aware, quite a lot of us Chinese (and other Asians) are born with Western names, given by our dear lovely parents, either to get with the times (it’s more ‘modern’) or because they are Christian (CHRISTIAN CHINESE??? MINDBLOWING). Besides, there are other reasons: mainly, white people can’t take the damn time to pronounce our chinese name correctly AND white people (especially children) make fun of us for having a ching chong name so to speak, so for some of us having a Western name, whether or not it’s given or adopted, is just pandering to your lingual inflexibility and saving us the headache of getting our Chinese name misspelled or mispronounced in things ranging from government documents to Starbuck drinks. A Western name is just adaptive convenience.

3. Are you Chinese? Haha I bet not I bet you are just a white person pretending to be Chinese. White trash. (Also I AM RIGHT!!! UNTIL YOU PROVE IT TO ME!!)
Some asks have been more honest than others and clearly, this one is basically the core and the message behind each individual ask about this situation.

Haha.
Guess what.
You’re not cute. Doing this. Sending this. Even thinking about it.
In fact you’re disrespecting us and INVALIDATING our identity. 

Why should I have to prove my race to YOU? Do you live in such a dystopic narrow world that you assume everyone on the internet is white until proven otherwise? At what standard or quality of Chinese-ness do you expect from me before you approve that I am Chinese enough to your liking? Have you ever thought that for some of us, we don’t want to parade our race, simply because we CHOOSE to, and it’s what makes us comfortable? Are you so willing to invade our privacy to deny us this right? Why are you SO THIRSTY to look at our photos, sending us ridiculous asks like this, hoping that your inconsiderate idiocy will provoke us to post a selfie as photo identification to you, the self-appointed Race Identity Police? What else do you want from me? To come to your house in a red-decorated wagon with an entourage of 2 lion dances,1 giant bag of rice, CNY music and 15 firecrackers?? Will that be Chinese enough for you? (maybe you will think it’s an exaggerated stereotype (no, during CNY and some traditional weddings this is nearly reality))

I guess this applies to other races too. Like, if you ever stumbled upon someone’s blog and thought ‘well gee this person said they are [race] but they don’t act like [my expectation of race].’ and decided to put this though process in ask-form on anon, please use your critical thinking skills for once…. I mean, I know there are lots of people who pretend to be another race, and that’s a real problem, but you usually can tell if that’s the case. But you cannot simply assume that a POC online is white by default, even if there is a lack of information that suggests otherwise. Doing this ‘mental whitewashing’, this ‘you’re not POC until you prove to me so’ is erasing the identity of those who are actually members of that particular race, and implies that there is an arbitrary standard in which one can be part of this race, and that’s incredibly shitty of you. Congratulations. You’re part of the problem.

Also to clarify, since this website always needs it: like my friend, I’m also Chinese, with a Western first name, I speak English, and there’s nothing you can do to deny my identity as such, unless you’re God. If you want to dispute it you can come at me, but I turn off anon, so you really have to think about what you’re saying and be accountable for it.

Ok. First- if you and I were in the same chat room on AIM at any point and you want to keep chatting with me, simply because I left said chat room doesn’t mean we can’t. I loved all of you. Come at me. insanityria

Second- I have been dealing with some family drama- my dad is sick and we’re waiting to find out how sick. He had surgery yesterday. You should know that I deal with this sort of thing by hiding harder in fiction so any and all poking and prodding Wen or any of my other girls would be appreciated.

Third- I have two more URL Memes to do. And drafts. 7 that I am aware of.

Fourth- please don’t ask me about whats going on with some of the Fiesta. I am not privy anymore, I was not privy then, apparently, and I have nothing to say about it. Thanks.

Hey nonnie, I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time with what’s going on but I hope I can help you a little bit. I’m gonna go through and address your problems one at a time, ok? 

1. How you feel now is legitimate, ok? It doesn’t matter that when someone was your age they felt like that and then found someone who changed everything because not everyone is the same. Romance and sex are not inherent to the human condition. Are they common? Kinda, but it’s not something you need to experience because not everyone does and that’s fine. You being young and feeling like this is fine and if you never experience anything different, if nothing changes, that’s a-ok. If you don’t feel something, you don’t feel something. 

Not meeting the right person, as you say, does NOT delegitimize how you feel currently. I think all too often people are forced into believing the way they feel isn’t right because so many people tell them they’re wrong through various phrases (”you’re just young”, “I was like that too”, “One day you’ll want it”) but your age doesn’t invalidate anything you feel or don’t feel right now. 

Your age doesn’t matter. How you feel does.

2. In regards to your friends, I’m so sorry. That’s so frustrating to have to be surrounded by something you’re not interested in. Romance and sex are unfortunately very ingrained in our society and praised to an unhealthy point but they’re not some kind of epitome or implicit in human nature. You don’t need those things to be mature. More often then not, people in relationships are very immature especially while they’re young. 

You’re not immature because you want something different. And on the point about you feeling alone, perhaps you want intimacy? Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic, but can boil down to just having someone around who knows you on a really deep level. Nothing wrong with that. 

3. It sounds like you’ve met with a lot of opposition, both verbal and nonverbal. There seems to be a lot of things that reinforce those thoughts about you being young and not normal and all of this bad stuff that you shouldn’t have to hear. 

I’ll say it once, I’ll say it a thousand times: your age doesn’t make your feeling less legitimate. 

If you want to explore, then explore, but make sure it’s because you want to and not because someone made you feel like you had to. However, f this is how you feel, if this is what makes you comfortable and feels right to you (and no one else) then, damn, you’re aro-ace and you’re still fantastic, yeah? You’re still a person, you’re still loving and lovable, you just want different things out of relationships. 

The way you are right now is fine. You’re ok, nonnie, really. I’m so sorry that you’ve been made to second guess yourself, that’s really awful, but again, if you never want a relationship or sex a day in your life after today then that’s cool.

It’s your life, your mind, your body, you know it better than anyone so don’t let anyone decide for you what your romantic and sexual orientations should be. No matter where you end up, you’re still good and normal, understand? 

Wow, I kinda went on a rant, but I hope it made sense and I hope you feel better, nonnie. <3

Chapter 74 (Part 1)

“Wherever you’re standing, I will be by your side; through the good, through the bad, I’ll never be hard to find.”

A little over an hour later, Raquel came over. My nerves had began rattling as I thought back to Kenny’s birthday dinner.

We made eye contact once and it seem like for the most part I was avoiding her stare with my hands and eyes glued to Ty. I was trying to keep this straight face on; not letting on that there is something that needs to be addressed. For the most part, he seemed oblivious of what I was doing but suspicious of how Raquel was looking and acting.  

He cracked a few jokes about her hair and her apparel. I had to tap him to stop just because it wasn’t anything to really laugh at and though this was there usual way of playing, this wasn’t the time to laugh… I felt like. Things had changed now. He even asked where she was staying and how school was going. Of course my antennas went up and I was afraid of just what she was gonna say. 

Raquel met my brother and my sister (in person this time) before she left. All the while she grabbed whatever she needed from her room. My mother was now asleep so she couldn’t see her.

She made it a point to socialize with me but it was to change the conversation from what Ty was talking about. For the most part, I tried to stay on topic but the way her eyes would wander just made me want to draw back everything I was saying. 

I hated how awkward things had become for me. Literally a few weeks ago, I wasn’t looking at her with suspicion but care because we had that sisterly relationship. Now I’m looking at her, hoping and trying to scratch the idea that she could be looking at me with thoughts of lust.

That night, I was cuddled up with Ty thinking about my family and how everything was going right now. It was golden. Now that is. It felt funny to me because I was holding to that memory of my childhood yet here I was playing house with Ty. I’m twenty years old, spending nights at his house (sometimes) taking care of his kid; as I had just lost mines several weeks ago. It was weird to me. But I thought that maybe this was a sign. Of what exactly? I don’t know. 

It didn’t feel good but it didn’t feel bad either; it was like a shift that I was learning to adapt to. And I felt a little bad because I had Ty in the thick of it. 

He was going against a lot to be with me and sometimes I swear I still never understand why because we come from two different worlds. It made me feel like I didn’t deserve him. 

Right now he’s comfortable with the things I’m comfortable with; he’s letting me use his house as a place for my family to stay at. Did me being pregnant change the dynamics of the relationship? Was he feeling guilty about what happened or something else in general? I probably sound stupid because he could just love me for me. Right? But it just feels so out of place for me still because I want more to offer him then what he’s given me.

As I was fixing myself in his arms, Ty must’ve been sleeping light cause he opened his eyes in no time; he was staring at me with that questionable look so, I just answered. 

“I can’t sleep.” Exhaling as my eyes wandered down to the sheets.

Moving away from me to stretch his arms out, he came back to me asking, “Why not?" 

I looked at him shrugging my shoulders. I didn’t have the heart to tell him just what was running through my mind right now; me and my many doubts.

Ty smirked, brushing his fingers over my cheek, giving me a light kiss on the lips. 

"You gotta relax babe. Stop thinkin’ about stuff and just relax.”

“I am.” I stressed, my voice changing a little.

He looked at me as if to say, ‘no-you’re-not’ as he licked over his lips.

He took it further by kissing me again and again and again. The last one was longer with his tongue sliding into my mouth. Ty used his right hand to move the strap of my cami off of my shoulder. He used that same hand to cup my left breast, rubbing his middle and index finger over my nipple - repeatedly. 

My legs were clamped shut as Ty attempted to use his leg to separate them. He abruptly stopped rubbing my now rock hard nipple and slid his hand down into my shorts. Luckily for him, I wasn’t playing hard. After lying in my right side, I let my back get fully comfortable with the bed; this gave Ty the access he needed to continue. 

Hovering over me, the minute one of his fingers touched my them lower lips, a chick was instantly wet. He gave me that cocky smirk as he lowered himself further down into the bed, kissing down my stomach and coming into contact with my kitty. 

I quickly grabbed the pillow, covering my face with it; the last thing I want is for my family to hear me screaming.

 

Christmas Day

We were all downstairs in the living room; laughing it up. I was on the couch hugged up with one of the pillows admiring what was before me. My brother sitting on the floor playing with Syd and Milo; my mother now coming from downstairs grinning from ear to ear holding the purse I got her. I knew she’d like it. 

Just like I knew my brother would like the Wii I got him. Ultimately that’s what made him come back. That and the note I placed inside. 

Him and my mother had managed to talk some things through not all but some was a start; thank God. He actually listens to me. Like he hears me out. I told him straight up, tell her what’s on your mind, tell her how she hurt you. Cause its not like my mother didn’t feel bad at all - she felt like crap for it. And it would be messed up if we constantly reminded her of that.

Ty had disappeared for what seemed like a while now, who knows where but he got part one of his gift earlier so I know he was happy-go-lucky. Actually I think he went down to the hospital to visit some of the kids who were ill. I know he had told me about that a few days ago; I think him and Game were going.

I couldn’t thank him enough for putting up with the shit my family came with. He was dealing with a lot especially my momma’s fluctuating attitude. He tried to give my mom some money as a gift but she didn’t want to take it. She told him the perfect gift that he could possibly give her was to take great care of me, and honestly, her saying that meant a whole lot to me. Like she may have not liked him for me but she wanted to be proven wrong about him. And to prove this point, taking his money wasn’t an option for her. She was serious. 

One thing he couldn’t do was force it into her bank account like he had did mines. So either he was gonna stop there or maybe try another way but usually when my mom said no, she meant it.

All this morning, I was receiving Christmas texts and tweets; I was in an overall good mood so responding to every single message was not an issue to me. I was in a good ass mood.

I even got to talk to my dad who said Merry Christmas to us, and everybody including my brother, replied back to it. And who knows just what that could mean for a reunion between those two? I wouldn’t even force it this time cause I know how this last meeting went but I’ll at the very least, suggest.

I called Momma Jo earlier since we were up and at it; she was with her son Brian. I planned on stopping by to see her later on. 

“Yaya! Yaya!” Milo came running up to me on the couch.

“Yes Milo?” I replied.

“Dada?” he asked, climbing on top of the couch with me. 

“Dada busy baby. He be back.”

“Be back?” repeating my last sentence; he climbed up on me more; ultimately getting in my face and making himself comfortable.

“Mhmm.” I responded, letting him rest his head on me, while I wrapped my arms around him.

It was a little after twelve so I could only hope that Ty was making his way back. In the mean time, I should probably get in the kitchen and start cooking.

“You sleepy baby?” curious I was.

Milo shook his head protesting. He didn’t bother making eye contact with me. He was comfortable where he was. 

“Wanna help me in the kitchen?” 

Now he was shaking his head fast moving off the couch with me. 

Milo stood tight for as long as he could; watching me move pots and pans around, taking the milk and eggs out the refrigerator. He was talking his baby talk to me, and I entertained it for as long as I could but I was focusing on cooking and making sure I didn’t burn anything. I went from mixing pancake to cracking eggs on the counter to cooking bacon. Everything looked so bomb. 

Sydney came in with Ma on her tale. I was glad to see that she was smiling. 

“Girl watchu doing up in here?”

Grinning as I turned one of the pancakes over, “Making a late breakfast. You guys hungry?“

“Mhmmm… I know I am.” Ma smiled walking over to where I was, “Need any help with anything?”

“Uhhh… none that I can think of right now. You want anything else like some toast or something?”

“No, I’m okay. But ya might want to watch that one over there.” she pointed to the pan with the bacon; “Huh, let me have that,” taking the tongs and moving her hand over the food. 

And that’s all it took for my momma to take over the kitchen.

I was standing on the side, watching and helping her put the cooked food on plates. Juan eventually joined us; taking me back to my childhood. We were reminiscing, laughing at the good times. It felt like the good ol’ days; the only person that was missing was daddy. The kids eventually had their toys in the kitchen, wanting to go outside and jump in the pool. But I wanted Milo and Sydney to brush their teeth, eat and shower before they hopped into the pool.

As we were in getting the kids settled into eating, Ty walks in with a big smiled plastered on his face. This was the same look he left with after I gave him the first part of his Christmas gift. 

“What’s good everybody?” 

He got a slew of different responses; the one that stood out was Milo yelling ‘Daddy’ as I cut up his pancakes.

Juan had just gotten his food and started to settle on down in the booth. My mother was getting her plate and making mines as well. 

“Did you want me to fix you a plate, Michael?” she asked before grabbing both of our plates.

“Uhhh nah! I’m good Mrs. Brooks.” he said, “Thank you though.” before walking over to me with his lip imbedded in his teeth.

I was sitting on the end of the round booth cutting the last of Milo’s pancake.

Leaning over to kiss me softly on my cheek, he whispered how he missed me in my ear; I was quick to blush and cheese hard.

“Soo I got some things I wanna show you but Ima wait til you finish eatin’.” he grinned, making me turn my head in his direction.

“Show me what?”

“You gotta wait til after you eat.” smiling with a cute laugh as he looked down at me.

My momma handed my plate to me, “Thank you.” I muttered, “Can you help me finish it?”

“Ahhh I’ont know about dat one.” He smiled, yet again teasing me.

“Please!” I begged, “C’mon so I can see.” turning to a content Milo and Sydney picking away at their plate.

“Aight. But let me get anotha fork doe.” he walked off to grab one.

I moved Milo over eventually picking him up to sit him on my lap; this boy was hungry. When I tell you scarfed down everything, I meant it. He even wanted to lick the plate.

“Wow! Mrs. Brooks you know how to throw down on this.” Michael said, scarfing down what was on my plate. 

“Thank you! I wish I could say that it was all me but it was Anaya over here that did it.”

 “Whaaaat??” Ty stopped eating to look over at me, “Dang Nay! You put yo foot into this one, huh?”

I shook my head yes as I was swallowing what was in my mouth.

Ty kissed me on my cheek again, greasy lips and all. 

Milo was now stuffed, resting his head on my chest while Ty and me were picking away still. Syd was almost close to done and Juan was just finishing up. Momma was still eating.

By the time we finished everything on my plate, Ty got up and moved the plate with him. Luckily everything was on paper plates so I didn’t have to worry about cleaning too many dishes. Ty grabbed up Milo from me, taking my hand to help me out the booth. 

“C’mon!”

“Where are we going?” I asked, following behind him.

“Outside!” he said fixing Milo in his right arm.

Chuckling to myself, “My gift is outside? Baby what’d you get me?”

He opened up the door, letting me go out first. Keep in mind, I was still in my pajamas. There was one major thing that stood out to me.

“Ty?” fixing my hand as a visor, “Where’s my car?”

Laughing, “You looking right at it bae!”

“What?” Confusion in my tone; “No that’s not funny. My car was right out here.” I pointed to the very spot I parked it in, thinking maybe I was further down the driveway.

Taken aback, I looked to the right of me at the white Ashton Martin with the red bow on top of it. My eyes lit up like it was… well it was, Christmas.

“TY!!!” I looked back at him, “Oh my gosh!!” laughing nervously.

Walking over towards the car, I spotted another vehicle with a red bow on it; this one was a white Range Rover. My hand rested on my mouth as tears began to fill my eyes. 

I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. 

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” I squealed wanting to fall out on this floor but I couldn’t do that. 

“You like them?” He asked walking over to me while Milo held his hand. 

The closer he reached, the smile on his face turned to slight confusion.

My family was initially in the doorway but moved outside with us. 

“Oooooh snap!!!” Juan spazzed, “T you pushin dat?” running over to the cars.

“Nah, that’s Naya’s.” He corrected, pulling me over to him. 

Balling up his fist to his mouth, “Dayummm!” Juan scoped the hell out of the Ashton while Sydney ran behind him. 

“Whoa!!!” Sydney looked back at our mom, "Mommy, look!!”

She stared on, “Mhmm…. I see baby girl, I see.” with a smile slowly creeping up on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest.

I on the other hand, was a complete wreck; crying my eyes out cause this man really bought me two cars.

“What’s wrong? You ain’t like them?” Asking me again as he wrapped me up. 

I shook my head yes, attempting to wipe my face; no other words seemed right or felt right. And that was a yes as in I did like them. I just didn’t expect something this big.  

“Damn! I guess I’ll put the rest of the gifts on hold then.” Ty purposefully whispered in my ear. 

Breaking out of his hold, I glanced up at him. Smirking and all, he was. Taking his thumb, brushed some tears away. 

“I know you ain’t want me to… But I had to." 

Yet and still the words wouldn’t come out. I shrugged my shoulders, trying to contain myself.

”…Why?“ Muttering through sobs.

"Cause I love you.” he reminded me as if this was supposed to summon up all he just did.

Shaking my head no, "But this is a lot…” I stressed, “I’m happy with everything,” pausing to control my tears, “I’m happy with you, I’m happy with the way things are going. I don’t need any of this… I can’t pay you back for any of it.”  

“And I’m not expecting you to.” He replied giving me a little smile, “You pay me back by being you.” Pushing my hair over my shoulder as I attempted to clean my face; Ty kissed my forehead, “I got Heav to pick out a few dresses and shoes for you. They upstairs in the closet.”

Glancing up into his eyes again, all I could do was question why with my watery eyes. But all he did was grab my head and rest his lips on forehead then he moved on to my lips while my hands rested comfortably around his waist.

— -

Later On

Myself, Momma, Syd and Juan were over at Mama Jo’s making our rounds of the evening. Of course we drove in my new Rover; thanks to Ty. 

Not gonna lie, I hated to leave Milo - even if it was just for a few hours. The look on his face when we drove off just broke my heart. He dropped the candy that his daddy had given him and just bursts into tears. 

Ty looked so irritated - it made me chuckle just a little. But they were going to visit his grandma so I’m sure he’ll be all right. I think tomorrow he was going back with his mother so, I was gonna enjoy the little time we had left. Cause Ty was also going off to Dubai on the 28th so he had some things to take care of before his flight. 

Before he left, I gave him the rest of his gifts: a custom fitted suit with some custom shoes to go with it. Getting him some sneakers sounded a little lame to me cause he probably already had them; I wanted to make this tailored to his liking as well as mines. Nothing like a man in a good suit that was such a turn on, and it’s somewhat unexpected of Ty but there have been some few occasions where I’ve seen him in one so this was going to be another one, I’d want to add to his collection. And possibly rip off of him later on, if you catch my drift.

Mama Jo looked ecstatic to see us. I think I saw a tear or two slide down her face. My mom and her hugged for what seemed like forever - you would’ve thought they were long lost sisters. And she was even more thrilled to see my sister and brother. It seemed like it was really Christmas to her then. 

Poor Brian. She had him getting us food and drinks. I declined and offered to help him because Syd and my brother wanted to try some of the cookies that she made. 

He ended up telling me how Mama Jo was going through some things internally and how she had spent this past weekend in the hospital. That was really upsetting for me to hear because of course I’m not being told. She had been coughing and hacking, complaining about being dizzy. These things were something that I couldn’t fathom her complaining about because she never let on that she wasn’t feeling well if we were at work.   

The way she looked at us once we came through the door, I hope we were able to take some of the edge off of her pain. I don’t know how else I can help other than giving her all of the best that I can offer. 

Before we left that evening, she pulled me aside into her kitchen while Brian entertained my family. 

First she was talking to me about my family and Ty; saying how proud she was and how happy she’s been to see me. I spotted a different person in her eyes; a unique being. She was satisfied and I’m sure it was because it was the holidays and just like me, it brought the good out of people. But then she was talking this nonsense about how she put me in her will and how if something happened to her that I Brian, and Ed were gonna be in charge of her diner. I brushed her off and told her to stop talking like that. 

“You are gonna be all right woman! I don’t know what’s this nonsense that you’re tryna tell me.” Smirking, “You know what? I think you been in this house too long. That’s what it is. You been locked up in this place, not socializing, not talking to anybody outside….” I paused, giving her a quick ‘girl please’ one over, “You need some socialization.”

Mama Jo laughed, “Girl, stop it!” shaking her head as she looked away, “You don’t know everything that I need.” Emphasizing everything,  "Now look, this is serious now. You gotta listen okay? What I’m saying is true. I need you to be there and make me proud. You the only one next to Eddy that I trust; mkay? You like the daughter I neva had; I know you gon’ do the right thing.“

I brushed her off. It was complete nonsense to me and I refused to even fathom life without her. She was gonna pull through this; whatever it is. She was gonna make it. I know it because she’s a strong individual. And I know she’s capable of surviving through anything. 

Mama Jo’s been a very powerful force in the last five years of my life and she’ll continue to be. She has Brian and myself, the diner. If I gotta come to her house before my work shifts, then I will. I’m gonna spend my time stopping by when she’s not at the diner.

“You know what? We’re gonna go out tomorrow.”

“….Anaya.” she started to laugh as she shook her head.

“No, we’re gonna go out and enjoy ourselves. The four of us.”

Mama let me continue.

“Ty just got me a new car for Christmas so, you’re gonna be comfortable in the front and we’ll go down to the beach or go get something to eat. Anything to get you out here, enjoying yourself.”

“That boy got you a car? Chile! You getting too fancy. Why you ain’t tell me earlier?” she asked me.

Rolling my eyes, “Cause I care about you and your health right now.”

“What kind of car?” she persisted

“There’s two. There’s an Ashton Martin and then there’s a Range Rover.”

“My goodness! Chile.” she laughed, "He must really love you. That boy must really love you.”

Nodding my head, “I told him I didn’t want it Mama. But he’s been really trying to make us like…like we been together for some years.” I paused dropping my head, “He’s been asking me for a while now to move in with him but I keep telling him no cause we ain’t been together that long.”

“You don’t wanna live up in that fancy ol’ house? Witcha fancy clothes and ya fancy cars?” she asked with her hand resting on her hip and her head going.

Cutting my eyes at her, “No!! Cause it ain’t mines. It’s all his. And I don’t want him thinking I’m with him just for that. Plus I feel like now, he’s doing all of this because of what happened to me.”

Mama was about to question but I think she knew the answer; she nodded in agreement. 

“Did you tell him how you felt about this?”

“I’ve been trying to,” I stressed, “But he keeps saying its because he loves me. And that just doesn’t sit well with me. Like I feel like he feels sorry for me or something, and I don’t want him to have to feel like that. I’m happy with us and what I had before this relationship.”

“Well… All I can say is, give it a while. Y’all still new to this; y’all young and y’all might think y’all in love or maybe y’all are and just show it in two different ways. But only time will tell. That boy got a good heart and he just wanna be around good people who can support him. Y’all gonna be alright. Y’all gon’ be all right.” she nodded her head as she looked away; “You just take it a day at a time, mkay?”

“Yeah.” my lips curling into a smile, “I’m trying to.”

Mama Jo just laughed and smiled, “Chile, I don’t know what I’m gon do witchu.”

“Mama it’s him.” this made me laugh, “It’s all him.”

A good five minutes later, we rejoined everyone in the living room; it was a little after eleven and I know that Syd was starting to get sleepy from today’s excitement. We said our goodbyes, Happy Holidays and, gave Mama and Brian hugs. Well Juan gave Brian dap or whatever but yeah. 

Once we got in the car, I made sure everybody was buckled up before I took off. As we were in drive, Ty’s ringtone was going off which let me know that he was calling. Multitasking driving and picking it up, my momma stopped me. 

“Ooh no girl! You ain’t gonna be do all of that while I’m in here.” Taking the phone from out my hand, “Hello?” She answered my phone, “Yes, it’s her mother. She’s driving right now; we’re gonna be at your house soon.” Pausing, “Mhmmm, Mhmmm. Okay, we’ll see you in a bit.” She hung up the phone. 

Not even a second later, I was cackling at her. My goodness! She was being goofy now. 

“Ma" 

"What hun?”

“What’d he say?”

“Who?”

“Michael.” I stated as if it were obvious. 

“Ooh he just wanted to know where we was. You ain’t hear the conversation?”

My face faltering, “No, I didn’t.”

“Mhmmm well he just wanted to know that. Told him we was gonna be there soon.”

Juan smirk and laughter caught me off guard. Because Syd was asleep, I completely forgot he was back there with her. 

“That’s cold.” He managed to say. 

Like fifteen minutes later we were parked outside of Ty’s. Juan carried a sleeping Syd out of the car while me and Ma trudged along behind him. He stopped at the door, which made me realize that I had to open it. 

In no time we were inside and I was pressing the code so the alarm wouldn’t set off. There were some lights on but mainly all of them were off. The main hallway light was on the minute we came through the door tho, but everything was cut off. I would’ve checked but I didn’t care to; and lowkey, I was scared. I’d rather have Ty come down here with me seeing how this is is house.

Ma wanted Juan to wake Syd up so after much deliberation (don’t ask why), he did and she was not a happy camper. But my mother didn’t care; she held her by the arm and we all took the elevator upstairs. Departing the minute we were on the second floor. 

I first went to Milo’s room, checking in on him before I went to Ty’s. He was sleeping and looking peaceful like an angel. I wanted to pick him up and just have him with me for the rest of the night but I didn’t want him to be up for the rest of the night. Cause I’m pretty sure his daddy wouldn’t be happy if he had to look after him after that. 

Once I made me way over to Ty’s room, I could hear some cartoons on; it sounded like the Boondocks so I figured he was still up. When I opened the door, he was propped up on the bed initially focusing on the screen but shifted to me. 

Don’t know how but by a magical grace, I moved from the door to the bed, letting my purse fall from off my arm. Sighing with great relief as my day of surprises had come to an end; yet and still, I hadn’t really browsed the closet to see just all of what he had gotten me and right now, I honestly didn’t feel like it but I probably should. 

“I feel so worn out.” I paused, “Today has been such a long day.” Adjusting myself to see him, “How was your evening? Everything go well with Milo?” 

"Yeah! Everything was coo’. Lil’ man was aight; he ain’t like you leavin’ him doe.” He smirked. 

“I know.” Thinking about it, “I really felt bad about that.”

“Don’t. He was fine once we got to my mom’s and he seen more presents and food and shit.” Ty got up from the bed, stretching his arms out; “Can’t wait to give him back to his momma." 

Smacking my teeth as I looked over at him, "He’s not bad Ty; he’s just a typical one year old. Eventually he’ll be into other things.”

“That’s true. But Ima need a lil break from him.” Michael walked over to the bathroom on his side. 

I chuckled. Hopping off on the bed, I tirelessly made my way over to the closet. It seemed like a long ass walk but I was sure to take it. 

Pulling the doors open, I walked in with some bad nerves. 

Ty was really trying to make his lifestyle, my lifestyle. Like literally since the beginning, he’s been making it his job to getting me accustomed and I understand it. But then it’s like, I don’t want him doing it at all. I’m good with what I have. 

My Honda is gone. And I see that everything that was in there had been take out and placed in a basket, in the closet as well. That’s crazy. I don’t even recall saying goodbye to my baby. I just hope that it’s in good hands. 

Then he wants me to move in with him…like literally leave all of my things to be with him. The spending the night over his house wasn’t enough, now he wants us to share living quarters and quit the diner, which is probably like his last request from me. And become his chef? What the hell am I going to be doing exactly??

It’s paradise probably for any girl my age but I feel strongly about keeping my independence. At the most, I’d probably move into a better neighborhood. Cause I don’t know how these cars are going to look outside my building. Imagine that, a girl living by herself in an apartment building with a Range Rover and a damn Ashton Martin. They’d be like, damn what the hell is that girl doing? Which would also translate into who is she doing? A gated community might sound like the way to go…I don’t know; I’ll have to really think about this. 

Some of the selections that I skimmed through were breathtaking. The dresses, the skirts, the tops, shorts, Heather did really good. Some of the jeans too. Though I’m mostly into skinny, so she really didn’t have to do much in that department. I did notice that some of these were from her boutique so I’m going to have to say a big thank you to her on that one. I am seeing a few pairs of leggings, along with a new pair of pumps, some converses and a pair of Jordan’s. Awww Ty even snuck in some of his own sneakers. I’ll definitely be wearing those. He got me like every single color; this made me chuckle. 

This boy!

I’m still trying to get this school mess figured out; because my old high school is on winter break, I can’t get my transcripts. I did leave them a message two days ago and I plan on following up after New Years. Tuition, I was still looking at as well as financial aid. 

On top of all that, how am I going to explain this car mess to my dad? That’s probably the main concern I should be having right now. Cause he’s going to want to know what in the hell happened.

Walking further into the closet, I saw my Disney characters all piled up like a mountain. This drew me back to the night we came back to my house from our date and he had all of them covering my couch. 

Shoot even the Jordan’s had me thinking about the first time he took me shopping. I looked hella stank in my work clothes while he was looking fresh. My gosh! I feel like such a charity case. 

“So you watchu think about all this?” I overheard from behind me. 

I don’t deserve him. That’s really what I thought as my eyes and hands skimmed through these clothes. I couldn’t keep from chewing on the inside of my lip; tears were on the rim of spilling over. It was all too much for me. 

And all I could do for him was get him a custom made suit with a pair of custom shoes to go with it; this of course is after already getting him a watch for his birthday. The closest I’ve come to splurging was on my rent, which was do or die. 

I still couldn’t make up for all that he’s done for me.

Sniffling just a bit, I glanced over in Ty’s direction; he had the most chillsome look on his face. I ran over to him and wrapped my arms around him tight; my eyes shut while the tears started running. He had his arms running down my back and eventually hugging my waist as I exhaled; my emotions were flat out on overload. I tried my hardest not to let him see just how dramatic I was probably being but this was a lot. 

And all I could say was, “Thank you!” As he held me close. 

 

December 26th

The following morning, I awoke to him holding; covered up by the bedroom sheets. The warmth of his body made me feel so peaceful and serene. 

In my mind, he wasn’t this rap superstar that toured the world for a living and had a huge following. He had become a part of my heart and soul; he was the man that kept me from falling when I wanted to give up.

I couldn’t see my life with him and it would be hard for me to see it without him. At his point, I wouldn’t have a reason to. Where we were at right now, I just felt humbled by it. 

Even though he would only be gone for three days, I’d still miss him like crazy. I wanted him by me every second but the reality of it was, that he couldn’t. I couldn’t keep hiding behind the fact that I miscarried; I couldn’t have him handicap me. I needed to be my own person. I think in a way, living in this house, just made me feel scared because it was so big. It represented more responsibilities than what I was used to. Of course I went to my own house after I got out of the hospital but my house represented something completely different. It was enough for me. 

I have to really ask myself if I was ready to really leave that. And that’s what I’m struggling with now. I don’t want to be stupid about this; it just seems too soon. But I love him…and that conquers all, right?

My fingertips grazed his skin for the time being; I just didn’t know what to do. There was a plus to being here but then there was also a negative. I know what I needed to do but I also know what my heart was telling me to do. 

Ty shifting and stretching in his sleep shook me from my thoughts. I moved my eyes from off of his body and onto his face making sure he was okay. I know the sun was out and he should probably be starting his day but I just wanted to savor this time with him. This was the morning after. 

We both had to play it safe last night; making sure we didn’t make too much noise. 

I needed to get up and call Mama Jo, so we could start our day. 

Moving myself from off of him, Ty woke up anyways. Glancing over at me as I stood by the bedside with his hands moving down his stomach. 

“Where you goin’?” He asked voice lowkey cracked and all. 

“I gotta get ready; I told Mama Jo I was gonna take her out today.”

Looking at me as if I was joking, “….You gon’ be gone all day?” 

Just as I was about to walk into the bathroom, I stopped, “Maybe.” shrugging my shoulders, “What time are you leaving?”

“Tonight.” Ty sat up on the bed, “I gotta pack a few things and go meet up with Wayne for a sec.”

Giving him a pouty face, “Well hurry up and get back to me then.” 

“Me? You gon’ be gone all day.”

Sighing, “I know.” I paused thinking for a second, “Let me call Mama Jo and see if she’s up.” going back to the bed.

I sat down, before I realized my phone was on Ty’s side on the nightstand.

“Can you pass me my phone?”

Ty glanced at me like I was asking a lot out of him. He smacked his teeth, moving over from the middle, to get it for me.

“Lucky I love yo ass.”

“You know I am.” replying back cutely.

“Dang you already got somebody callin’ too!” he smirked being extra slow as he made his way back over.

“What?” I chuckled, “Oooh gosh! Gimme, gimme!” snatching it from his hold.  

“Aye! Be nice!”

Cackling, “I am!” 

“Who Brian?“

Looking at my phone now, “It’s Mama Jo’s son. He’s in town for the holidays.”

I tapped into his name calling back the number he called from.

Ty grabbed his own phone while he rested one of his hands on my thigh.

“Hello?”

“Hey Brian! I was just about to call your mom; is she up?”

“Uh… I got some - some bad news.” he stumbled over his words

“What?” I asked, shifting myself in my seat, “Is she okay?”

“She didn’t make it.”

anonymous asked:

How do you feel about self harm scars

I feel it is sad that the person was so neglected and down and numb that they felt the need for that.

I also feel it is a part of which they are and where they’ve been. We all have scars; some emotional, some physical, some both.

I also would never discipline someone for self-harming. It is always addressed with concern, words, and a nurturing viewpoint. There is never chastisement for slip ups.

I also would kiss those scars often, because if I care about someone, I love every part of them. The scars show she survived, and I thank them for that.

RE The Jeff Britta “Dating” Conundrum

So I posted this on M/M again but I think it needs to be addressed on here.

TL;DR: Jeff and Britta only say they ‘dated’ to make it easier to define, because as lunarblue21 said elsewhere, “it’s really uncomfortable to tell a stranger you were in a FWB relationship with someone.”

I really felt the need to post this before I forgot. This is something that has always bothered me, and I have noticed a few people being angry about it too. In fact, I stewed over it for most of the day until a realization hit me, and I wanted to share my theories with you guys because I do think I’m right about this and I think it might calm some nerves. My theory is this: it’s all about context.


Jeff and Britta may try to pretend that what they did, which was definitely a 'Friends With Benefits’ (forevermore known as FWB) relationship. However, I personally believe it is a bit more complex than that. I think Jeff really did have genuine feelings for Britta at the beginning of season 2– in fact he had feelings for both Britta and Annie. It’s not impossible to have feelings for more than one person, and that made the already complicated situation even more complex. I think that Britta went in fully expecting a FWB thing where Jeff went in wanting to make it work and last as an actual relationship. Britta probably pushed him away, and he eventually found a safe haven in Annie, who was easy and whom he could actually breathe around and actually explains a lot of s2, like why Jeff was such a jerk. Anyway, to add to the complexity Jeff was emotionally cheating on Britta with Annie and she was emotionally cheating on him with Troy, as discussed elsewhere on this site.


This leads to a really complex “friends with benefits relationship where one person wanted more and the other person didn’t even really enjoy so they both ended up emotionally cheating on each other’. Which, while being a mouthful is very hard to explain. Also, Britta could never admit she was the one not trying and Jeff could never admit he was the one who was, so no matter what they’re lying about their relationship. (This has a point, I swear.)


Ok, onto the actual 'claim of dating’ part. Look at both times Jeff and Britta said the words 'we dated’. The first time was in 'Intro to Knots’. During this period, the Proffessor person was looking for something that would result in the Study Group tearing each other apart. Britta probably shouldn’t have said anything, but when she claimed she had 'dated’ Jeff, she was making the safest claim she could at the time. If she had said 'we used to be in a FWB relationship’, the professor would have locked onto that. It was, quite frankly, pragmatic.


Now, last night’s episode. Elroy, and maybe even Frankie, didn’t know they used to be a study group. They didn’t know that Chang used to be a teacher (which he was just last year). Again, we have reached a point where tensions are high. So what does Jeff do? He does what Britta did– he uses the term 'dating’ even though everyone who matters knows that isn’t the truth. Again, he’s just being pragmatic.


Because here’s the thing: In both these situations it’s not the relationship itself that matters. That is in the past, it has been dealt with. The Study Group knows the truth. Jeff and Britta know the truth. Most importantly, Troy and Annie (who are the people most likely to be hurt in these instances) know the truth. In fact, it’s my head canon that Britta has drunkenly discussed the "relationship” with both of them.


So the relationship, how it’s defined, it doesn’t matter. Because they aren’t dealing with the relationship right then, they’re dealing with the situation at hand.

anonymous asked:

I am very very upset and please, I dont want to fight about the Duggars I just need some info. At choir practice tonite, our parish priest said he was going to ask us to stop watching 19 kids cuz he does not feel they are presenting a moral image. He said it isn't about being Catholic. He plans on bringing it up in church on Sunday. It is the only show I like. I want to write them a letter and ask for them to speak to our pastor, or maybe even our church. Do u know their address? thx

Can anyone help this person? I am remiss to get involved. If the pastor made this decision you need to respect it.

I remember when I went to School at St. Joes they were constantly sending home these notices for us to not see certain shows and movies. I felt a lot of it was unfair but in retrospect, they were right.



shasaxane said: 

I’m not a religious type myself but I agree with your pastor. They aren’t representing themselves as disciples of Jesus but rather disciples of Greed. They are the Christian Kardashians.

wesayso-foundation said:

I would like to know this persons age.
I feel bad for them because I had my favorite shows as a teen and it would have killed me to have them cancelled or stopped. I was always afraid a letter was going to go home about Gidget or Paul Revere and The Raiders.
But there is the Bates and lot of other more wholesome shows.
I cannot believe the Duggars do not know that they are being censored like this.

sporkcantsleep said: 

I don’t think the Duggars are or should be role models. But I also think it’s important to teach kids to consume media critically, and censoring is not the way to go about that.

duggarmemes said: 

Religious leaders such as your priest can offer guidance or suggestions but they do not control your life. You can give it some thought, consider his reasoning for not thinking the show is good to watch, but ultimately the decision is yours.

k1mdracula said: 

I agree with the pastor. The Duggars bend the bible to their beliefs and refuse any others no matter what. But their bible is also known as the almighty dollar.

wesayso-foundation said:

What a wonderful outturning of caring for this young person. I have always said my followers are some of the very best on tumblr.

tovag said: 

The Duggars have fallen into the Hollywood trap. Celebrity went to their vacuous heads. They have cast their principles aside. Money has become their g-d. They have sold their souls to the tabloid devil. They’ve become celebrity trash.

A few months back i wrote a letter to Disney with my concerns about their current marketing and how i felt about their marketing in the parks concerning frozen compared to their other movies. Also about the lack of princess POC merchandise and how i felt it was unacceptable.

i Received a email and phone call from the head of guest communications and then marketing later on addressing my concern.

I still have the email if anyone wished to see it but my point is sharing your feelings and concerns on tumblr is not enough although it can make an impact of some sort.

Disney is not constantly on tumblr looking at what we like and don’t like.

if you truly want your concerns to be heard you need to write to them yourselves.

i did snail mail only because i did not have enough space to voice my concerns in their email form and i wanted to be sure it was read.

i will happily provided email addresses and snail mail addresses if asked.

veteranmurellow replied to your post

“I’ve been thinking about Martine and I know there are some speculation…”

This makes me notice just how scattered Team Samaritan is and how they lack a unifying force? Team Machine may disagree with each other and with TM, but their most unifying force is their trust in each other (though in varying degrees).

*nods* Yeah, even when Shaw was questioning why Machine and Samaritan can’t get along or at least work together, I’ve never once felt like Shaw was questioning out of distrust. It felt like a legitimate question that needed addressing. 

But at the very end of the day, the reason why they work together is because they share not only a common belief but because their bond was something that was build and nurtured organically. It wasn’t manufactured, they weren’t manipulated into something or promised something. 

axl99 replied to your post

“The more I think about Root’s appearances since MIA, the more…”

I think the best part of S&D was seeing Root crack a real smile again. I missed it, personally.

Yeah, it was good to see the smile again! 

axl99 replied to your post

“The more I think about Root’s appearances since MIA, the more…”

I knew Root would be the type to find ways to be closer to Shaw. I wonder if that also means spoiling Bear with tiny gifts, but then again I wonder if it’d be stepping over an imaginary line for her.

I don’t know if Root would go the Bear route too, but I do think Root would find a way but I actually think, if the headcanon about Shaw teaching Root holds water, I believe that it was Shaw who actually approached Root about it. She’s trained people before (Grice) and she knows more than anyone that the Machine isn’t always there to help Root. That sometimes she puts herself in ridiculous sorts of trouble. 

(Also, now I kind of have this visual where Shaw keeps knocking Root out until she stops falling unconscious or something. I mean I was impressed that Root didn’t immediately get knocked out at Martine’s headbutt– although I would imagine Shaw’s punch packs a wallop and it might have knocked Root on her butt but not out of the count yet.

Martine’s headbutt has nothing on Shaw’s uppercut.)

Dear you,
I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe I’m writing this to just get everything off my chest because it feels like I’m drowning in you and I don’t know if it’ll stop until I just close things off and say something. I remember I had saved your address in my notes so I could write to you one day. But we stopped speaking, again, for maybe the 50th time. I think this was it though. I had to end and cut all ties because I knew you would come back every single time I was slightly over you. It was so terrible, wanting you, but then you only coming back when you needed some source of comfort. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I think I just realized that I didn’t deserve to have someone coming in and out of my life whenever they pleased. Because it hurt, and it stopped all of my progress of getting over you, it gave me a sense of false hope that you’d finally want me back. But you didn’t, you never did, distance was always “too hard” and don’t get me wrong, it is hard. But feelings surpass distance. If you like someone enough it doesn’t matter that they’re 29 hours away. It doesn’t matter that we could only video chat. Because if the connection was strong enough, on both ends, it would have worked. But I guess I never really knew why it didn’t work, I never really knew what I was doing wrong. I never really knew why we couldn’t be together. But I did know, that I wanted you. I wanted you more than anything in the world. You were so damn intoxicating, you know that? Your smile, it made my head fucking spin. And oh god, your laugh. I don’t think I’d ever heard something so beautiful. And just knowing that I was the cause of it when we would talk, made me feel higher than any drug did. I remember sending just paragraphs and paragraphs to you, my god you had me wrapped around your finger. But then things got toxic, and I think we just both weren’t stable enough mentally. I wanted to fix you, I wanted to make you happy and take all your pain away, I wanted to fight all your demons with my own two hands. But I couldn’t, I never could, I was cutting myself up on your broken pieces and I didn’t even care because I liked you so damn much. (I don’t want you to get upset at this, please don’t.. For once just hear me out and listen to me. I never once have said anything to try and push you down.) I don’t blame you for wanting to be your own source of happiness, and fix yourself. We both know that only you could fix yourself. I was being selfish, I wasn’t in the place to try and be your antidote to all the darkness in your life.
—  the letter I never sent

Almost three years ago my beloved 15-year-old Chihuahua Elvis died suddenly. I knew someday I would again welcome one of these feisty bundles of joy back into my life. My family did not always feel the same, as Elvis was very persnickety about who he would let pet him or whose lap he would sit on, but I knew he had a big heart to go with his big personality.

One day at the very end of my shift walking dogs at the Coon Rapids AHS, I entered a kennel and there he was, the spitting image of my beloved Elvis and I knew I had found a new friend.


I went home and talked to my family about him. The next day I called to make sure he was still available and to my disappointment he had been removed from the adoption floor due to dental concerns that needed to be addressed first. The next day I left for vacation for a week which helped dampen my sadness over not bringing him home, but I could not forget about him and the bond I felt when meeting him. I came home and back to work. Imagine my excitement as the first day I returned home from work Fred (now named Renny) was there waiting for me! My wonderful husband had known what he meant to me and brought him home to join our family!


Since joining our family Renny has been a complete gentleman, loves everyone including our other furry friends, loves nothing more than napping on a warm lap or sitting in the sunshine on the cat stand. Thank you AHS for helping bring these little bundles of joy home to Minnesota!

- Cynthia

anonymous asked:

hey jess! ... .1, did kylie acctually get her nipples pierced? not that it really matters lol, just curious..... and 2, I'm still on anon, but i was the anon the other day who caved and cut again... i haven't since thanks to your lovely words, and me and my friend both had heart to hearts, and emptied out our own baggages ... felt kinda good! thanks babe!

1. I’ll address the more important thing first: I’m SO happy to hear that you haven’t cut since we spoke. I’m so, so proud of you and I hope you continue to stay strong and remember to let others in whenever you need help! Very proud of you ❤️‍❤️‍❤️‍

2. I think she did get her nipples pierced and has had them that way for a while now 

xx 

anonymous asked:

hello. I read your fic 'how it started' and felt the need to discuss something with you that upset me. the issue is that dean asks cas to stop during sex and he doesn't, but because cas was injured he is treated as the victim. this is not ok. i understand that it was in dean's pov and dean would blame himself, but this issue is not resolved or addressed. cas not stopping is a way bigger issue than whether he loves dean, and the fic at least needs to be tagged 'consent issues' for future readers.

I believe in the text it was addressed that Cas couldn’t hear him - 

“C-Cas…st…” his voice was failing him. His body felt light and dizzy, and he was losing. Like it was all slipping right through his fingers. “St-stop…" 

The word was hardly a breathy whisper, and Cas didn’t stop. Couldn’t hear the fear Dean knew was pumping inside him along with the sheer ecstasy.


“Please…” Dean tried again, head leaning back against the mattress, body betraying him as his mind started to shout. “Stop, Cas…”


He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t!


“Stop!”

By the time Dean finally did have control of his voice, he also lashed out violently. Never in my head-canon would Cas ever not listen when Dean said stop. If anything, had Cas heard, he’d have stopped right away because that’s simply the kind of person he is. Besides, him not listening to Dean would be extremely out of character for the fic after how considerate he’d been previously. Yes, Dean wanted him to stop, but Cas couldn’t hear his objection until, finally, when Dean did get it out, he also kneed him in the face at the same time. Cas never blames him for this, except to bring up the fact of it while they’re arguing, and therefore I see very little issue as far as consent.

Yes, Dean did want him to stop, and Cas did after he finally realized. He didn’t come back out and try to go again, he didn’t push Dean. And if there was any guilt on Dean’s part, you’re right, it was due to his own character. Cas was trying, though in a misguided fashion, to let Dean know what happened was okay. Yes, I think Dean does victimize Cas after what happened, but he’s the only one who actually sees things that way. Even when Cas tells Sam what happened, neither is blaming Dean. They’re simply trying to understand it. So while I understand that perhaps this situation made you uncomfortable, and I sympathize (because it would make me uncomfortable too if I interpreted it the same way), I don’t actually see a consent issue here. Miscommunication, yes, but consent, no. 

Yes, it was a tense situation, and yes, had Cas pushed Dean further, there would have been a problem, but that wasn’t what happened. I’m very much aware of how consent works, and the feminist in me knows where you’re coming from, but we also have to be realistic in approaching the characters and understanding the situation. It was a messy circumstance, and neither Dean nor Cas are to blame. Sometimes stuff just happens, and sometimes people panic. Again, Cas didn’t push Dean, and, if anything, portrayed his own guilt in his drastic attempts to fix what happened, which only made Dean feel more guilty–as his character typically would. However, again, I don’t see any actual consent violation.

Consent was a big theme in this story, of that I’m aware, which is why in previous scenes, though it was silent, I did make a point of addressing that Cas was asking for permission and that Dean then gave it to him. Often times this isn’t addressed at all, and I was hoping that this detail would then make the later confusion between them–as you’ve pointed out–more clear. However, even with that, a closer look at the text makes it apparent that, again, Cas simply didn’t hear, and I don’t think anyone is to blame. 

Thank you, however, for reading, and for bringing to light this potential issue 

^-^ 

Very Important Note:

// So, I felt the need to address this on my blog because of the latest anon I received. Now, I’m not trying to call you out on anything negative, and I do actually appreciate that you did say that it’s my blog and that I can do as I please on it, I still felt that I should point this out here.

I know Mimea is an iffy character to role play with, especially when it involves Riki. After all, none of the novels or animes stated clearly if Riki and Mimea truly loved each other. There’s barely much of a ship going on between them since they were never meant to be since the beginning, and who knows how fast they got together? It does seem pretty quick through the timeline of the anime. However, that’s in no way reason to go against any heterosexual ships on this blog. This is a multishipping blog, and Riki was very much bisexual. Riki has come across female muses that he’s taken an interest in, and probably will do so in the near future. 

You will expect that.

So, I’d appreciate it if you respected that there will be ships you won’t like on this blog, and ships that you’ll love. I just didn’t feel that an anonymous message to me was the right way to account for that sort of preference choice. If you don’t wish to see certain ships or whatnot, simply do not read the thread. I’m not forcing you to do so. I rarely read the threads on my dash either, and will often skim the ships I don’t take a particular interest in. But to message me regarding this wasn’t entirely necessary.

Despite this, my opinion still stands. Riki will only socialize with female muses that he and I both take an interest in. I had a bad experience around female muses in the past, so I’ll be extra judgemental. But that doesn’t mean I won’t associate Riki with any females, period. There were still females on Amoi, however little there were.

So, whatever happens between Mimea and Riki will be up to Mimea’s mun and I. If she wants something fluffy, we’ll do that. If she wants angst, we’ll do that as well. If she wants smut (though I doubt she wants that any time soon anyways), we can also do that. Either way, it’s up to Mimea’s mun to decide, as long as we have a set plot for this thread.

Just putting this out there that this is what you’ll expect from me when you follow me. I reply threads pretty damned slowly as well, so likely, if you’re skimming past any threads you don’t wish to see, it won’t be too hard to do so.