and HOW AT THE SAME TIME NOTHING CHANGED

And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. it’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. it’s crazy when you want to let go,but you keep holding, and when you want to move on, you’re stuck right where you started. when feelings come and go you can’t decide what you want.when you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. when you want them in your life so bad but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. it’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and may never be the same. you tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter,you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

same shit different day nothing’s changed and no one will ever give a shit about us so like why bother like i say how much i love being black but at the same time this is such a dangerous existence like im literally surviving just barely one day i could be in the wrong place at the wrong time and boom, shot in the head by a cop. i can make one wrong move and be taken the fuck out just like that, I’ll be fucking Lucky if i get a hashtag, which sounds awful but the conversation has to keep going. why do we have to die to make a change? I’m sick of this martyrdom shit I want to live to see the progress we make! like is that the tradeoff? like if you want things to get a little bit better then thousands of you have to die. No! fuck that I’m not going down like that I hope this fucking gets turned upside down fuck this i’m not doing this anymore

youtube

In eternity, where there is no time,
nothing can grow.
Nothing can become.
Nothing changes.
So death created time
to grow the things that it would kill…
and you are reborn
but into the same life
that you’ve always been born into.


I mean, how many times have we
had this conversation, detectives?
Well, who knows?
When you can’t remember your lives,
you can’t change your lives,
and that is the terrible and the secret fate of all life.
You’re trapped…
by that nightmare you keep waking up into.

-True Detective

coconutbalance asked:

Just a little story for any anons with parents who eat meat. A year ago my mum ate animals. I showed her a documentary and ever since she has been vegetarian (eats local eggs, no dairy..) Yesterday she told my nan about how cruel the dairy industry is and how unnecessary it is. She also told me about how meat and dairy can cause cancer and how its so corrupt. I told her about cowspiracy and she wants to watch it. Don't give up on parents, my mums now an activist too! Everyone can change.

I’ve had the same experience :) Nothing brings me more joy than hearing my mum educate my dad on animal agriculture or health consequences of byproducts. Just a few years ago we were eating animals too - give it time <3

Mama did you know
they used to drill holes
in people’s skulls
to get rid of the monsters
in their heads,

the trephines bit sweeter
than voices through the silence,
the mess they made
was something understood,
it was a kinder fate
than the suffering,
but it ended the same.

Mama I hear nothing these days,
the wind sifts through the willow outside
as if it was a passing ghost,
it is hollow, it is aching,
it does not sing the way it used to.

I cannot hear the way the world turns
in passing cars and thunderstorms,
I cannot listen to the changing
of the seasons,
and the piano beneath my fingers
only remembers how to mourn
no matter how many times
I try to play it differently.

They used to drill holes
in people’s skulls
to let things out,

but I’m granite and stone
and impossibly cold,
the sunlight does not reach me
the way it used to,

Mama drill holes into my skull
to let things in again,
then pierce through my heart
so that I can feel again,
then pierce through my lungs
so I can breathe again,

and sing me a lullaby
when I fall to sleep
so that I can keep
something beautiful before I go.

“It is probably safe to say that not one-third of the inhabitants of this world ever heard of the Bible, and not one- tenth ever read it. It is also safe to say that no two persons who ever read it agreed as to its meaning, and it is not likely that even one person has ever understood it. Nothing is more needed at the present time than an inspired translator. Then we shall need an inspired commentator, and the translation and the commentary should be written in an inspired universal language, incapable of change, and then the whole world should be inspired to understand this language precisely the same. Until these things are accomplished, all written revelations from God will fill the world with contending sects, contradictory creeds and opinions.

All persons who know anything of constitutions and laws know how impossible it is to use words that will convey the same ideas to all. The best statesmen, the profoundest lawyers, differ as widely about the real meaning of treaties and statutes as do theologians about the Bible. When the differences of lawyers are left to courts, and the courts give written decisions, the lawyers will again differ as to the real meaning of the opinions. Probably no two lawyers in the United States understand our Constitution alike. To allow a few men to tell what the Constitution means, and to hang for treason all who refuse to accept the opinions of these few men, would accomplish in politics what most churches have asked for in religion.“

-Complete Lectures of Col. R. G. Ingersol (1900) by Robert. G. Ingersol (1900)

work-hard-love-hard asked:

So, I don't do opiates, I'm allergic to most of them. My family has a lot of drug addicts, like 50%. I don't judge at all. I'm part of a group that wants to change the war on drugs, but I just have so many questions about these drugs. How does doing herion feel? Why would you want to stop doing it? Why did you start?

There isnt just one answer to your questions that works for everyone. I can speak for myself.
Doing heroin feels pretty amazing, especially the first times. You feel happy and content with yourself. You feel so good and cozy, so warm and satisfied that you don’t care about anything else, nothing else matters; everything makes sense. You feel excited and relaxed at the same time. You breathe slowly and move slowly. Your whole body starts itching and it  makes you want to scratch like crazy. Sometimes I scratch til my legs bleed.

But after a while, the feeling of perfect satisfacions isnt what you aim for anymore, especially if you begin to use on a regular basis. In fact, that sensation of happiness eventually starts to blur, and now you use the drug just to feel normal. By ‘’normal’’ I mean not to feel like punking all the time, having to cope with terrible backpain. headache, stomach aches. Eventually you will do heroin not to reach for that ethereal happiness you once knew, but merely to cope with the physical pain the addiction will lead to (sooner or later). In the meantime, the junkie lifestyle has quickly become the only lifestlye you know; stealing and cheating have become the only thing you’re really good at.

So why would you want to stop? The answer shall not be hard to understand once you’ve carefully read the previous paragraph. At some point every junkie becomes sick and tired of spending every single day in hell. You become tired of depending on a brown-ish powder just to feel the way everyone does, just to feel normal, just to be able to get out of bed and take a walk. You are sick of constantly looking for money to get high, and lie, and steal, just to feel like utter shit again as soon as the high begins to fade and the effect wears off.

I started about three years ago simply because I wanted to. I decided I wanted to try something new, I didn’t even know I was gonna do heroin. My best friend at the time was a heroin addict and I asked her to let me try it. She said yes.

I keep thinking about how my little brother is fifteen and how Tamir was twelve and Mike was my age.

I keep thinking about how when the Watts Riots happened my dad was thirteen, sitting on a bench in Griffith Park in Los Angeles.

I keep thinking about how I don’t feel safe in this city anymore. I don’t feel safe in the skin I’m in. I don’t feel safe at home or asleep or at school. It’s a constant paranoia and a constant despondence, looking at faces like mine and wondering who is next…

I keep thinking about how nothing has changed; how we can riot over police beating and murdering people in the street with no repercussion, and fifty years later still be in the same position.

It is truly quite the time to be alive and black in America.

Keep Baltimore in your thoughts and prayers please, and please, stay safe.

L.

Kuramochi’s loyalty, it’s a thick kind of loyalty, if you stick your hand in it, you won’t be getting it back.

The look on Kuramochi’s face was priceless and irritating at the same time, so what if people were bad mouthing Miyuki, it happened all the time. It was a daily occurrence, completely nothing new for either of them to hear.

Something had changed in the way Kuramochi treated him, nothing changed in the way he treated Kuramochi though. Soft between Kuramochi’s legs, softly pressed to Kuramochi’s frame, soft only when they were alone and when he felt that way inclined, but he was as coarse as sandpaper any other time.

Somehow, Miyuki had no idea how, he’d managed to become a part of Kuramochi’s pack. It wasn’t as though he treated Kuramochi that much different to how he treated everyone else and maybe pigs would fly.

Miyuki was deluding himself and he knew it, but Kuramochi’s iron clad loyalty rubbed him up the wrong way, that was until he heard some girls badmouthing Kuramochi.

He could only hear their harsh words echoed in his mind along with the rushing of his blood and he felt it boil, he knew then that there must be some large difference in the way he treated Kuramochi that he just hadn’t noticed. It was there though, in the way he wanted to tear those girls down despite no one else being around, in the way he felt like as though he needed to defend Kuramochi’s character, in the way he wanted everyone to know about how great of a man the other was. He was making himself sick.

“You going soft Kazuya?” Kuramochi asked when Miyuki described the scenario, smile wide but not the merciless kind Miyuki was used to.

“On you, yeah,” Miyuki said with mirth, lips curling as he spoke, head leant in one of his hands as he sat cross legged on the bed.

“Yeah,” Kuramochi said, smile board and beaming from the very centre of him, “I think I’ve gone soft on you too.”

anonymous asked:

I identify as an ace and I came out to my father yesterday... He told me I was just confused because of the things I was reading online and that it didn't really exist. It hurt me really bad but he thinks I'll get over it. That its some phase. I'm 17 years old and I don't know how to approach this... Help...

I would suggest showing him asexuality.org
Also, give it time. When he sees that nothing changes, he will realize that it’s who you really are. I have other posts here about coming out to parents so if you scroll for a bit I think you’ll see more advice that I gave to people in the exact same position as you.

anonymous asked:

Ive been having a series of problems in struggling to find out and figure out who I am. my sexuality keeps fluctuating, my interests come and go, and I have different ranges of existential worth. how do I lock down who I am before I change completely and forget everything I love? how do I know who I am?

No one locks down who they are. Your identity is supposed to evolve over time, because nothing is static. All of this is normal and honestly encouraged. Why would you want to stay the same? Like yes some things should stay consistent, but the nature of everything is change. You’re gonna be okay and you’re gonna keep figuring this out.

During the 100 s2 final when Raven gives Jasper his goggles back he looks at it with so much sadness in his eyes. Maybe he remembered. Maybe it was Monty who gave it to him. Maybe he remembered all those times he spend with him. How he was like a brother to him. How after all the laughter and the happiness of being on earth. Everything changed and nothing is going to be the same again.

Green Grass

You can’t smell it anymore,
static cuts out the radio,
it’s the new
aftertaste in water.
&
the smell
of someone’s house
you’re visiting for the first time,

Gawking at old buildings,
hearing syllables differ-
ntly, speaking the same,
different, words heard

A new kind of music and the scent
of childhood

You think you could
stay here, escape

You feel your soul
change, and your heart
beats stronger

There is nothing to fear.

There is nothing dirty here.

How the thunder
and lightening
give you a new
but old kind of fear

but the rain washes everything
the same.


©Bryan Grissom, 2015

Keep reading

And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want for them is to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go but you keep holding on and when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it but if it didn’t really matter you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

Hey nonnie, I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time with what’s going on but I hope I can help you a little bit. I’m gonna go through and address your problems one at a time, ok? 

1. How you feel now is legitimate, ok? It doesn’t matter that when someone was your age they felt like that and then found someone who changed everything because not everyone is the same. Romance and sex are not inherent to the human condition. Are they common? Kinda, but it’s not something you need to experience because not everyone does and that’s fine. You being young and feeling like this is fine and if you never experience anything different, if nothing changes, that’s a-ok. If you don’t feel something, you don’t feel something. 

Not meeting the right person, as you say, does NOT delegitimize how you feel currently. I think all too often people are forced into believing the way they feel isn’t right because so many people tell them they’re wrong through various phrases (”you’re just young”, “I was like that too”, “One day you’ll want it”) but your age doesn’t invalidate anything you feel or don’t feel right now. 

Your age doesn’t matter. How you feel does.

2. In regards to your friends, I’m so sorry. That’s so frustrating to have to be surrounded by something you’re not interested in. Romance and sex are unfortunately very ingrained in our society and praised to an unhealthy point but they’re not some kind of epitome or implicit in human nature. You don’t need those things to be mature. More often then not, people in relationships are very immature especially while they’re young. 

You’re not immature because you want something different. And on the point about you feeling alone, perhaps you want intimacy? Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual or romantic, but can boil down to just having someone around who knows you on a really deep level. Nothing wrong with that. 

3. It sounds like you’ve met with a lot of opposition, both verbal and nonverbal. There seems to be a lot of things that reinforce those thoughts about you being young and not normal and all of this bad stuff that you shouldn’t have to hear. 

I’ll say it once, I’ll say it a thousand times: your age doesn’t make your feeling less legitimate. 

If you want to explore, then explore, but make sure it’s because you want to and not because someone made you feel like you had to. However, f this is how you feel, if this is what makes you comfortable and feels right to you (and no one else) then, damn, you’re aro-ace and you’re still fantastic, yeah? You’re still a person, you’re still loving and lovable, you just want different things out of relationships. 

The way you are right now is fine. You’re ok, nonnie, really. I’m so sorry that you’ve been made to second guess yourself, that’s really awful, but again, if you never want a relationship or sex a day in your life after today then that’s cool.

It’s your life, your mind, your body, you know it better than anyone so don’t let anyone decide for you what your romantic and sexual orientations should be. No matter where you end up, you’re still good and normal, understand? 

Wow, I kinda went on a rant, but I hope it made sense and I hope you feel better, nonnie. <3

about time

i watched a movie called “About Time” yesterday. it’s about a boy who can time travel within his own life. very simple premise. very charming film. the theme, or last bit of advice the father gives is this: live each day twice. once through normally, with all the stress and pain and annoyances of the day. then live the same day again, changing nothing. this time you aren’t stressed because you know the outcome. you aren’t annoyed because you can concentrate on life’s details, since you already know how the day will end. 


for me this idea, kind of like watching a movie twice, is exciting. the first time i see a film, i bring all my expectations to it. and i am disappointed, usually. but the second time i watch it, i almost always enjoy it more. free of the pressure of forcing my expectations on it. i notice more little details. the richness of the thing. 


i want to live life like this the first time through.

And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. it’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. it’s crazy when you want to let go,but you keep holding, and when you want to move on, you’re stuck right where you started. when feelings come and go you can’t decide what you want.when you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. when you want them in your life so bad but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. it’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and may never be the same. you tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter,you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.

anonymous asked:

Do you have any advice on how to pass the time before I go on exchange?

Remember that nothing is going to be the same when you return. You’re not the only one who is going to change this year - everyone and everything is going to change back home as well.

Even if things are boring or just plain suck right now at home, at some point or another you will get homesick while on exchange. Appreciate the area and the people while you can.

One thing exchange will teach you is to live in the moment. No doubt it’s good to have goals and things to look forward to (they help when things are tough), but if we constantly work for the future and have this mentality of “when I get THERE, I’ll be happy”, we may not appreciate and have fun in the present. Ultimately that may lead to us missing out on what could be fantastic moments.

In the months before my exchange I wrote down a list of everything and anything I knew I would not be able to do in Finland that I may or may not miss - explore the tourist area of Niagara Falls, go to all the little shops I pass by on my way to school but have never gone into, go to my grandparents cottage that I hadn’t been to in several years, eat all my favourite Canadian snacks, movie nights at friends, eating out with family.

I made my list and worked to cross everything off of it in time before I left. It gave me something to work on, but also allowed time to enjoy the present. Once it was all done, I had all these great final memories of Canada and it was time for exchange.

Have a great time on exchange. Take care and enjoy it all.

It’s been a year, and nothing has really changed. But everything is not the same anymore. A year ago, I thought that night would be the start of a sound life I have always deserved but the universe has deprived me for years. Of course, I was partially wrong. Well yes, I have all my time right now, but I don’t have the privilege to spend it the way I wanted to. Life has this cruel way of restraining me, of detaining me in the dungeon of unparalleled choices and goals. And I hate it. I hate how I had let this world decide on my behalf. I hate that I am stuck at my work (hell I no longer enjoy my job; I know I have a very decent and prestigious job in a well-known international company, but I wasn’t meant to feed the profitability of a corporate institution, I am meant to nurture this parched Nation). I hate that I have wasted so much time thinking and not acting. I hate how my wrong judgments piled into a gigantic and annoying mountain of regrets (rubbing itself roughly on my face). I was supposed to celebrate this day, right? But I don’t feel like it. The university has honed me to become a person of Honor and Excellence. I should be that person.

/Life

Also, and I’m sorry if I offend anyone with this, shame on Regina for just giving the Author the quill and not having some sort of spell on him or something so he can’t just write whatever. I mean did she seriously think he would just sit there and do nothing when he got everything he needed?

I mean this is the same guy who had been changing who knows how many people’s lives including the Charmings so if nothing else, I would’ve held onto the quill until I wanted him to write something. That was a dumb move for one of the smartest people in Storybrooke.