In which Sakura decides that dealing with her teammates’ millionth departure gracefully is much more effort than she wants to afford them, and it’s about time the two of them experience the sensation of being left behind anyway.
or alternatively: Sakura comes back from an unnanounced year long mission as her badass ANBU commander self and the boys just can’t fathom that she would be anything other than ecstatic to see them
Sasuke’s slightly less of a dysfunctional ass, Naruto’s put his big boy pants on, and it’s all downhill from here
Naruto, could you please watch Sarada for a few hours? I have to go to the hospital, they are short on staff.
What? I am standing in as a Hokage for Kakashi-sensei today. Besides, I don't know anything about babies!
Then it's about time you learn, Hinata is due next month.
Please! Sasuke-kun is out on a mission and I've asked everybody! The girls are all pregnant and clumsy, boys and TenTen are at work and there is no way I'm leaving my child in a weapon store! Didn't you say when you become the Hokage, the whole villiage will be your family?
-a few hours later-
What happened? Why is my toddler daughter encircled by the ANBU?
Simple, Sarada was exploring and toddling out of the doors and windows all the time, so I assigned an ANBU group to watch her while I finish this paperwork. Elegant solution, right?
Running away? She never does that...
Well, I appear to have that effect on the Uchihas, they are always running away from me. I didn't want to spend another five years of my life chasing after trying to bring her back so...
a ( rough / itachi shinden canon ) pre-massacre timeline:
taken to the battlefield.
decides he wants save the world from itself.
the war ends.
lord third says he’ll step down as people are mad he didn’t demand reparations.
fugaku is passed over for consideration as the next hokage.
masters fireball jutsu.
possibly makes contact with the crows for the first time.
kyuubi attack > the uchiha are blamed.
lord forth dies, lord third is reinstated.
persecution against uchiha begins in earnest.
uchiha are forced to move to the edges of the village.
decides to live for sasuke’s sake.
joins the academy.
danzo makes his interest known for the first time.
learns shadow clone jutsu / jounin level jutsu.
passes graduation exam.
is attacked and forced to his knee while people threaten him with kunai, demanding he apologize for the kyuubi attack. tenma, a future team mate is one of them.
graduates, joins his genin team with jounin sensei yuki minazuki, tenma izumo, and shinko inari.
danzo meets itachi again, fugaku learns of danzo’s interest.
learns of the coup as he’s an offical ninja now.
begin missions with tenma being openly hostile.
later in the year they make peace.
chosen for the ceremonial mission to protect the fire daimyo.
tenma and itachi both are not captured in the genjutsu, tenma is immediately killed, obito offers itachi the chance to stand aside before going in to kill him, kakashi rescues itachi and the rest.
shinko quits as a ninja.
team two receives new genin students yoji aburame, and himuka suzukaze.
preperations for the coup escalate as ANBU begins taking more of the cases that would otherwise to the police force.
shisui and itachi decide they have to try to do something and meet in secret regularly.
when attempting to speak up for peace itachi is shut down by his father’s lieutenants.
yuki-sensei denies him the chance to compete.
danzo rallies for his participation and it’s outed that yuki is holding back genin who are more competent than he is.
fugaku is offered the chance to have itachi compete in the next chuunin exams.
competes in the chuunin exams, alone, without a team.
second highest score ever in the written exam, surpassed only by minato namikaze.
sets a record in the forest of death, the record gaara and co. will later beat.
mentally breaks a boy from kumogakure called nemui in the third exams.
itachi is promoted, fugaku curtails him joining the police force as is tradition to join ANBU and act as a land line to the hokage.
yoji aburame disappears after itachi is promoted.
danzo agrees with the hokage that itachi should join anbu after a test.
fugaku says he’ll go with itachi after itachi’s already gotten shisui’s help. itachi uses sasuke’s academy entrance ceremony as a reason fugaku can’t go with him.
itachi and shisui kill mukai kohinata, a man descended from the hyuuga clan and a spy for kirigakure.
assigned to team ro comprised of kakashi hatake, tenzo, ko, yugao uzuki.
additionally assigned to the team by danzo is sugaru, who speaks in an odd voice is is specifically watching after itachi.
treated poorly, particularly by ko, whose sister died in the kyuubi attack.
considers kakashi kind, and a model leader.
shisui is also made ANBU, reporting only to the hokage, and in secret.
learns of the surveillance on the uchiha compound.
sees (who he thinks is) madara uchiha go into naka shrine and does NOT tell.
during a mission in the land of frost he kills a boy younger than himself and wishes he could stop being ANBU, if he’s not able to protect the world as he wishes he could.
shisui reveals he has a plan to stop fugaku with his mangekyo during a secret meeting between the two.
days later, after a failed attempt to intercept fugaku, shisui is poisoned by sugaru (revealed to be yoji aburame) and danzo takes one of his eyes.
shisui finds itachi before he dies and begs itachi to push him off a cliff, itachi does, with the knowledge that it’ll activate his mangekyo, on shisui’s order.
itachi awakens mangekyo just after.
the next day itachi says it’s better sasuke hate him.
itachi is confronted by members of the police department and is angry they don’t take the suicide note (which shisui dictated to itachi) at face value.
itachi plans to kill fugaku, and the three lead members of the police force before sasuke interrupts. (note: this is that scene where he throws the kunai at the fan.)
danzo and lord hokage decide that itachi will be promoted to ANBU captain and his offical age raised on his next birthday from 12 to 13 as no one had previously been allowed to become an ANBU captain before 13.
age 12 ( officially 13. )
promoted to ANBU captain / put under danzo’s supervision.
itachi confronts danzo to ask why he killed shisui, danzo says it’s because shisui’s plan (and all that the two of them had planned) would’ve ultimately stopped nothing.
itachi walks out, which danzo says means itachi knows the uchiha must die.
itachi plans to kill danzo, and sugaru, who reveals himself at yoji to itachi, tells him not to as itachi would not make it out alive / the village would collapse under the weight of it’s own darkness.
the clan no longer trusts itachi, he gathers information for the next year.
the budget of the konoha police force is cut by roughly ¼ th on danzo’s suggestion.
age 13 ( officially 14. )
two members of the foundation who are undercover a member of the uchiha reveal the date of the coup will be set at the next meeting.
itachi tells the third hokage the date is set for ten days and is deeply unhappy when the hokage is suprised, believing the hokage should’ve done more to prevent this.
danzo meets with itachi and gives him the offical assignment to kill the uchiha clan to spare his brother, or to fight against the village and die along with the rest.
itachi accepts the assignment.
itachi watches naka shrine again for “madara” to ask for his help in killing the uchiha. “madara” agrees, having no attachment to the coup.
danzo arranges for sasuke to be delayed at the academy, allowing him to survive.