an' shit

Our best battle had no actual fighting

in our first campaign we had to scare a dragon out of a town, we didn’t need to kill it, just scare it off, lacking a tank we were reluctant, but went anyway, what followed was glorious. 

Bard (me): What do I roll to scare it away with my bagpipes? 
Necromancer: wait hold on I need to do something 
Bard: please just let me try this I-
Necromancer: No just wait *casts mage armour on me, subsequently making me glow* there,
Bard: Oh, thanks, ok now what do I roll to scare the dragon? performance or intimidation? 
DM: *with a deep sigh* I guess intimidation
Bard: *rolls a 23, not a nat but still good enough, everyone is screaming* I SCARE THE DRAGON OFF BY PLAYING ‘YE OLD SANDSTORM' 
DM: *Even more sighing as everyone else, including me, is still screaming* 

We all leveled up after that too, it was a beautiful session 

Sex Sex Haa Haa (The Tune is Coming To Me)
  • Sex Sex Haa Haa (The Tune is Coming To Me)
  • Mio Akiyama & The Sexual Degenerates
Play

This line of dialogue from a shitty K-ON doujin was very clearly music notes, so I transcribed them.

Are you fucking kidding me. Lena means sunlight. Is this for real??? WHY HAS NO ONE POSTED ABOUT THIS? Am I late? Has this been done yet? Because like, holy shit. The thing that gives Supergirl her powers, that’s the sun. So like, holy shit. Also ‘tender’ and ‘devoted’ like bruh, that’s Lena Luthor down to the letter. This is tripping me out. It’s official. Lena is meant to be the light giving Kara strength and showing her the way. She’s also meant to give Kara her love and devotion. It’s like how can the SG writers set Supercorp up so perfectly and just not make it canon. 

So that's what you can do with them

So our party was a tinker-ish bard(me), a wizard(Wiz), a half-Orc barbarian (Bar), a rogue(Rog), and a cleric(Cle).

*starting out in town*

Me: hey the book says we can by some vials of oil while in town?

DM: yes

Cle: but we’ve got plenty of oil for the Lanterns, don’t waste your gold.

Me: okay, well im gonna get some caltrops then.

Bar: who the hell uses caltrops? They’re useless

Me: actually, I’m gonna get the oil too.

*i spend most of my gold on caltrops and oil, just to piss off my teammates for the most part, cause I joined late and they’d been using me as “the intern” for awhile. Later on we find the village of Lizard men we’d been looking for, and found the Leader, his healer/second-in-command. They’re in a crumbled old watch tower with one largish opening on one side*

Me: oh shit I’ve got an idea

Rest of the party:??????

Me: okay, so I quietly lay the caltrops in the opening of the tower *rolls successfully* and then use ventriloquism (or some sound creation spell-thing, I don’t remember exactly) to yell in the middle of the group to scare the shit out of them. (Rolls successfully)

Bar: oh wait, imma stand on the edge of the caltrops

Cle: me too

Rog: I ready my bow to pick off any that don’t hit a caltrop

Wiz: I’m with the rogue (he had a bow too, but did use a spell here and there)

DM: alright, this’ll be interesting

*we manage to take most of them in the caltrops, but the leader, his healer, and 2 or 3 lizard men made it out and ran for it*

Me: I’m gonna chase after the leader

Wiz: I’ll come with (by now [wiz] has only got a single flaming hands left)

Bar: alright, the rest of us will take these stragglers

DM: [me] and [wiz] catch up with the Leader and his group, the Leader is laying down while the healer try’s to keep him alive, the guards stand nearly unscathed from the previous fighting, they raise their weapons as you two approach (the rest of the groups still fighting by the caltrops)

Me: Oh shit oh shit oh shit, [wiz], do you have any flaming hands left?

Wiz: yah?

Me: prep it. (To the DM) I open my vials of oil and throw them at the group of lizard men. *rolls a Nat 20*

DM: alright, uh, they’re all coated almost evenly, barely a drop hits the ground

Wiz: ooooooooh, I cast flaming hands on the leader. *rolls succesfully*

DM: *apparently rolled only 1’s or something for the lizard men* they all just kind of flail on the ground while being burnt to a crisp, despite the nearby creek. *at this point the DM’s just kinda flabbergasted*

Bar: well shit, so that’s what you can do with them

Context: We are a party of newbies with an experienced DM. Two rogues, a sorceress, a wizard, a paladin, a cleric and a ranger (me).

DM: *Explaining* You don’t know each other yet, so you’ll have to talk and introduce yourselves.

Wizard: Ok *aproaches my character, the ranger* Hello, miss.

Ranger: HEYA *does finger guns*

DM: *stands up and leaves the room*

Consequence: I’ve become a meme.

Little things about f!Shenko from ME3 that I love:

  • The way Kaidan looks with muted longing and respect each time he sees Shepard. It’s like an advanced version of ME1′s puppy eyes: his adoration and admiration is still there, but it’s tangled up in the darkness that lies between them.
  • The way they chuckle when they banter to each other after they reconcile on the Presidium, and in their lighter conversations thereafter.
  • The way he holds her hand to her face each time she cups his cheek as if he’s making sure she’s really there and he wants to hold a part of her to him.
  • THE WAY HE KISSES HER HAND WHILE HOLDING IT TO HIS FACE ARE OYU KIDDING ME THAT’S MY JAM BIOWARE
  • The sure and simple way he says how he loves her “‘til the end of time.” It’s not a declaration or grandstanding, it’s a statement of absolute fact. Shepard is It. Always was, always will be.
  • the LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE AS HE PLEADS WITH HER “DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND”
  • HIM HOLDING OUT HIS HAND AS SHE STEPS AWAY FROM HIM BECAUSE HE STILL WANTS TO HOLD ONTO A PART OF HER
  • Him trying to be all suave and impressive in the kitchen but he gets so flustered just to have her nearby that he creates a very likely kitchen emergency
  • Basically just everything about f!Shenko that flips the het romance dynamic of “flustered head-over-heels starry eyed woman falls for a capable, charming, tough man“ into a flustered starry eyed MAN falling for the capable, tough woman because that is EVERY SHIP I LOVE IN EVERYTHING EVER
  • the way he pitches his voice lower into that husky rasp when he’s being sexually suggestive i mean r u kiddin me, u can get it all day every day, alenko
3

TEXTS FROM DARK AND ANTI: Part Twenty

Part Nineteen Part Eighteen Parts One-Seventeen Part Where Rickroll Happened

I actually tried to get this one out a lot sooner but any other time I tried to make it the website crashed DX So let’s hope this one gets uploaded quickly and without circumstance.

Also, I can’t believe I’ve made twenty edits now! Expect to see a lot more in the next few minutes because I finally have free time and at least seven more requests to get through.