an experiment more than anything

anonymous asked:

Hey, enby here. I've identified as a lesbian for two months now but i'm starting to think I'm pan/ace instead and i'm worried it's just me not being around people (i moved in july and am out of school 4 the summer) do any of you have tips?

Well it took me a good 5 years of questioning to finally reach a confident standpoint on my ID so I think the best thing you could do is think about your experiences and feelings and more than anything just give it time

the signs as people i’ve known

aries: passionate verging on obsessive.  defensive of both themselves and the people they love.  few layers; what you see is more or less what you get.  good-hearted, intelligent.  always up for a challenge, but becomes stressed out very easily and handles stress very poorly.  even when they’re tired, they somehow seem so alert and two steps ahead of you.  responsible.  they prefer to lead and lead very well.  interesting, competitive, loyal.  although they like to be correct and love to prove people wrong, more than anything they just want someone to listen and expand on their point, not disagree with it. romantic but they like to pretend that they aren’t.  they seek instant gratification and hate doing things that they’re not naturally great at (but they’re naturally great at a lot).  can be very self-absorbed, but it’s not conscious.  so loving and so lovely.  the yang to my yin, the storm to my calm.  a friend who completes me.

taurus: extremely nice, and they never want to hurt anybody’s feelings, so they tend to skirt around the truth or omit their opinion.  truly, genuinely kind, the sort of person you hope will always stay in your life, the sort of person you feel like you really need.  dependable, hardworking, stable.  they have been through a lot, but looking at them, you wouldn’t know it.  will ultimately put themselves before you (which is a good thing), but is always there for you when they can be. very realistic; they know what they can achieve and expect themselves to do so.  private to a fault, and doesn’t usually express their feelings. there is something about their soul that makes me smile whenever i think of them. one of the people i love most in this world.  my equal, the friend who i hope knows how much i love them.

gemini: endlessly charming, supportive, and brave.  always wants to make everyone happy, often at the expense of their own desires, so they’ll do things they don’t want to do but be kind of grouchy about it, leading others to believe that they are picky and that they change their mind too much.  frequently changes the details of a story to either make it more interesting or get out of trouble.  wants more than anything to see and experience the good in the world but is very often a victim of the bad.  overly-trusting.  they can make any experience memorable, and they are the most fun you’ll ever have. quite self-critical but they also know that they have a certain power over people. forgetful, tolerant, warm.  often feels quite overwhelmed and may not handle this feeling wisely.  crazy but kind.  the one whom words fail to describe.  the biggest piece of my heart, my mother.

cancer: both friendly and intimidating.  difficult to read.  patient and cooperative but more often than not, they think their idea/opinion is better than yours.  very, very smart.  super dependable, so sensitive, hold grudges like it’s their life’s calling. courageous.  behave very differently around authority figures, likes being seen as innocent and cute. they will keep your secrets but they will kind of hold them over you, and they tend to taunt others by saying, “i know [x] about [y] and you don’t.”  very funny, dark, and sarcastic once you get to know them, but initially sweet and sugary.  survivalists; they protect themselves first and their loved ones second and don’t really care about everyone else. friendly. once they’re in a relationship, they become rather absorbed by it and neglect the other parts of their life.  dramatic, obsessive. rather strong-willed.  when they’re having an off day, get out of their way.  they will never forget anything you tell them.  they see life as an inside joke.  my figurative fraternal twin.  the friend who is just like me but whom i’ll never understand.

leo: impressively loving, astonishingly generous, the whole universe in one person.  soft and loud, wild and cautious.  they are full of power, grace, and energy, and they awaken within you the sense that you are good and that you can do whatever you want to do. even when they’re quiet, their presence is felt. very self-critical, constantly questioning their worth. always in need of validation, which is why they like to be the center of attention; in order to know that they’re a star, they require a standing ovation. they want to love themselves, they need to love themselves. such a romantic, wants to be wooed and adored, and they’ll gladly return the favor.  soothing.  they are so easy to trust, but they are more careful with their own secrets than they seem. they love with every bone in their body.  they want, more than anything, a best friend. loyal, inventive, go-getters. great listeners.  can somehow empathize with every situation, but are mildly obsessed with themselves. love winning. my idol, the part of myself i hope i grow into, my aunt.

virgo: hilarious, dependable, treats you like their kid.  trustworthy, sympathetic. they are fascinating and unique, but they are too attached to their own magic. more obsessive than they like to think they are.  they take criticism very well, perhaps because they dish it out even better. level-headed but aspirational. they prefer to be the less loving one in all of their relationships.  feels guilty for feeling sad or emotional. curious and interested.  can talk for hours if you let them.  kind and smart, wants to be special and different from everyone else. treats the people closest to them the worst. believes in tough love.  loves to joke and be sarcastic but usually takes it a few steps too far.  perfectionistic, which leads them to put little effort into things that they feel they can’t do flawlessly.  the one i protect who thinks they’re protecting me.  the friend whom i loved right away.

libra: angelic, enchanting, sweet.  picky. they are so afraid of offending someone that they have to know someone really likes them before they’ll be honest with them.  so many layers.  funny and diligent. treats everyone like their best friend, but when you are their best friend, there is just something so slightly different about how they treat you, something that makes you feel amazing. good at everything.  completely unable to make decisions. gossipers. they want to like everyone, but they just don’t.  absolutely hates saying no, but will do it if it’s 100% necessary.  sleepy and goofy around people they love. works hard to look good, trendy.  smart, fair.  nervous around authority figures. fearful of loss and of growing up.  secret control freaks.  they are at once youthful and wise.  crazy patient on the outside, just crazy on the inside. always somewhere on my mind, the one who i was always meant to know. my very best friend, my soul’s sister.

scorpio: the best listener. truly wants to know everything about you. extremely devoted, passionate.  knows you very, very well.  so funny, so kind.  will stick with you through thick and thin, always on your side.  gives great advice. the person across the room who you can’t stop staring at.  secretive, fearful, romantic.  both observant and judgmental. will hate you for judging them while they judge you.  their heart is bigger than anyone else’s, and all they really want is to fill it to its brim with love. very often the sidekick, but they stand out to me. they are quite obsessive and they rarely wait for explanations. they want to own the people they love.  intuitive.  loves you soooo much.  impossible to know fully. deep, powerful. the ocean flows inside them, yet all too often that ocean is stormy.  the person many people think i am, the person i sometimes i wish i was.  my confidante, my partner in crime, my heart, my friend.

sagittarius: the most supportive and dependable person on the planet.  an amazing friend, the best person to have in your corner.  honest and disorganized, friendly and capable.  very quick to anger and has a hard time admitting they’re wrong.  devotes themselves wholly and completely to their partner and puts them on a pedestal, but once they’ve moved on, they’ve really moved on.  tends to succeed, lucky.  has a hard time seeing the truth of a situation and often must be told what’s really going on.  charismatic and caring, overly generous.  can spread themselves thin.  guided chiefly by morals which they never abandon.  has a strong sense of right and wrong (specifically, they’re right, you’re wrong).  my backbone, my other mother.

capricorn: pensive and stoic.  has a brain that never stops going.  they wake up every morning in the climax of a novel they’ve written in their sleep.  loyal, just, intimidating.  cold and private.  mean to people who are mean to them.  shuts down entirely for seemingly no reason.  the wisest of all.  mature.  silently romantic. victim of their thoughts.  intense, original.  they want someone to fall really deeply in love with them, but they close themselves off to everyone. admires the beauty of the world, moved by small details that many people miss. always thinking of the future, no matter how good the present is.  judgmental. wants to be better than everyone else. exceptionally smart. often falling apart on the inside.  can think themselves into sickness, into joy, into anything. loves to be alone, hates more than anything to be lonely.  soft on the inside. the best leaders but they don’t like to lead.  kind-hearted and always doubting it. immensely fatalistic.  the dreamy head behind my eyes.  myself.

aquarius: very patient.  analytical, detached.  they have favorite people and things and they will be honest about who and what these favorites are.  they love you, they just can’t tell you.  wants to be cared for without caring in return. easy to talk to, somehow always makes you feel safe.  impressive intellect. generous with the people they love.  genuinely good, inspiring.  easily overwhelmed.  resorts to humor when offended.  doesn’t try very hard to act like they like someone they hate.  wants to be special.  artificially nice to authority figures.  can be surprisingly mean without intending to.  very good liars.  super funny.  compliments mean a lot coming from them.  the person i forget i am, the friend i should talk to more.

pisces: kind-hearted, funny.  to really know them, you kind of have to know them forever.  so easy to love.  hates to think about the difficulties of the world and prefers to just have fun.  very much in the present and tries not to think about the future.  as such, they sometimes behave without thinking and wind up messing things up for themselves.  they tend to be kind of lazy in regards to some things and extremely passionate in regards to others; there isn’t a lot of balance.  can be very mean and very angry.  won’t apologize first when you’ve made them mad. must express themselves in some way.  no matter how much they say that they love you, they always love you more than that.  quite sensitive, hates few things more than being called annoying. super generous, always wants to be there for you but hates not being able to make you happier. truly the sweetest. my favorite person, my brother.

i hope you’re all having a beautiful day, and if any of you are struggling, please hold on, and just know that even in those moments where darkness and challenges are clouding your life, your inner light will eventually shine again

Cotton Candy

Originally posted by apgujeon

                                                          ‘Have you ever tasted something, 

sweeter than cotton candy itself?’

Featuring: Jungkook (bts)
Gere: smut (so much oral)
Word Count: 2.4k

m.list

A/N: The name for this was inspired by Frank Ocean’s Pink Matter.


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They don’t get the attic dibs together.

They were so sure that they would.

Neither of them even batted an eyelid when Lardo gave Ford her dibs, agreeing that having a manager in the Haus was a great idea.

They were both ready to share the attic, had been making more of an effort with each other when they realised it might happen.

And once Nursey and Dex did, they realised they had so much more in common than they expected. Maybe sharing the attic would even be fun.

*

But they don’t get the attic dibs together.

Nursey gets them from Ransom and Holster, and he stares at them in disbelief.

“So, the Haus will be me, Ford, Bitty, and Chowder?” he clarifies before accepting.

“Yep.” Ransom says “It gets loud, and hectic, but you’ll love it man”

“Its way more fun than dorms. More like family in a way.” Holster says.

“So,” Ransom says, holding out his left hand for Nursey to shake, “Do you accept these dibs?”

Nureey nods and shakes his hand. As he does, he can’t help wondering how Dex is going to take this news, and where he’s going to stay next year.

*

Dex hears about it an hour later, when he comes back from class. Chowder is excitedly telling Nursey about how great it’ll be being Hausmates. But he shuts up when he sees Dex is there, and he and Nursey look almost guilty.

It takes a moment but he puts two and two together and realises whats happened while he was retaking a class he did last semester.

“So you got dibs?” Dex asks Nursey casually “Nice one man.”

Nursey nods, and Dex goes to see if Bitty had baked any cherry pie.

*

Nursey finishes moving his stuff into the attic, and looks around. The room is huge, and he can’t imagine having all that space after 2 years sharing a dorm.

He’s glad to be out of the dorms, but he wishes it was with Dex. He’d been looking forward to late night conversations in the attic, waking up for practice together, integrating each other’s morning routines into their own. Sharing a desk, and wardrobe, and the bunk beds for 2 years.

Instead, here he was. In a big empty room. Alone.

Just like at home.

*

Dex had left the job of looking for a dorm room later than usual, he’d been so sure he would be sharing the attic with Nursey. And now he was in a room far from the centre of campus, living next to some freshmen who spent all their time arguing. Loudly.

He’d been so sure he was going to he sharing the attic with Nursey. He’d started looking forward to seeing him almost all the time, helping him stay organized, while he helped Dex stay calm. Walking to and from practice and classes together, randomly running to the Murder stop n shop at 11pm for a junk food run, chirping each other’s music taste.

But now he was in a small bed, under a cheap blanket, listening to people arguing over everything.

Just like home.

*

“So, how are you liking the attic?” Dex asked Nursey as they walked to Annies. They were tired after their first practice of the season, and decided coffee would help.

“Good. Its good.” Nursey lied. It was not good at all. It was cold, and quiet, and lonely. “How’s the dorm?”

“Yeah, good” Dex lied. It was too dark, too empty, and too noisy for him to sleep much so far. “Better than expected.” he continued, as they joined the queue for coffee.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Dex said, not able to look at Nursey as he lied again.

They were silent as they decided on orders, and when they sat down, conversation moved to discussing their summers.

It wasn’t until they were leaving Nursey said what he’d been planning to say all morning:

“You know….you could always sleep over in the attic sometime. If you wanted.”

“I could?” Dex asked in surprise. The idea hadn’t occurred to him

“Well yeah. I mean, there is an extra bed so. You could if you wanted.” Nursey explained.

“Yeah. I think that might be nice.” Dex said, and Nursey smiled at him.

“Cool. But if you are, you have to take the bottom bunk.” Nursey said.

“And let your clumsy ass on the top? You’ll fall off in ten seconds flat!” Dex chirped with a grin.

“My room, my rules!” Nursey laughed, and Dex laughed with him.

Maybe they weren’t living together, but this was a good second best.

*

Dex ends up sleeping at the attic more than he expected. Not that he or Nursey mind that. They have fun together, and don’t argue about room because most of Dex’s stuff is in his dorm. Dex sleeps over once a week if he can, and they talk about anything and everything, before stealing the last of the pie at 2am, and sharing it quietly.

Its fun, and once they start dating, Dex stays over more, so they can have cheap dates, by watching movies in the attic, getting food delivered, or even working on their own projects in companionable silence.

Hold Me Tight | Pt. 1

( can you trust me? )

Part 1 | Part 2

Anonymous requested: Hwarang AU + Royalty/Servant AU
Pairing: Taehyung | Reader
Genre: Angst/Fluff; Royalty AU + Soulmate AU (in which you know they’re your soulmate when you touch them for the first time + share extreme physical sensation after you meet)
Word Count: 5,930
Author’s Note: The original request… did not call for a Soulmate AU but I thought to myself hey what would make this more interesting and 10x more painful and thus, this concept was born. I actually got around to watching some of Hwarang before writing this, so I feel a little more qualified for this—but you don’t need to have previous knowledge of the show before reading this. Thank you @cheymint for dealing with my initial worry over the world building, I hope this satisfies!

Summary: Kim Taehyung is expected to spend the rest of his life within the company of nobility after joining the ranks of the kingdom’s newest royal guard. He anticipates alot of new experiences, new people… but the spark of a touch more powerful than anything before in his life is definitely not one of them—from the shadows of maids and housekeepers nonetheless.

.

The morning greeting comes has it always does within the household: a pounding fist against his headboard as the blanket is ripped off Taehyung’s body. His natural instinct is always the same, which is to curl in upon himself as he lets out the faintest groan of dissatisfaction. “Must you always do that hyung?” The boy inquires, barely offering a side glance to the culprit of his current state of further exhaustion.

Standing above him with the edges of the blanket curled up underneath fingers, Kim Namjoon grins wickedly, already dressed in his robes for the morning lessons. “You know that without me, you’d be late to all your lessons. So step on it. Or do I have to call in Hoseok to help—?”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m up,” Taehyung interjects, internally cringing at the thought of Hoseok being called in for assistance in trying to get him out of bed. The boy may have been older than both himself and Namjoon, but more often than not had the tendency to act like a child and Taehyung did not wish to start the day with Hoseok jumping on his bed.

Namjoon laughs at that, throwing the blanket off to the side. “Hurry up alright? You know Master Wooreuk won’t be happy to see you late again.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Taehyung dismisses with a wave, sliding to the front of the bed just as Namjoon slides open the door separating the bedroom with the long hallway before his footsteps become the only thing he can hear along the Hwarang household. With a grunt, Taehyung straightens up, laying out his robes for the morning lesson as he gets to work dressing.

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Another Analysis of Danny? Yeah, I Guess So.

Not too long ago, I stated that I headcanon the entire Fenton family as neurodivergent. This led to quite a bit of discussion, and eventually I said that I specifically think Danny has clinical depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

I didn’t really go into more detail, because while those are all things I myself suffer from, I want to tread carefully when talking about things like this. The last thing I’d want to do is accidentally say something hurtful.

However, multiple followers expressed interest in me going into more detail about why I have these headcanons. Since these are all things I actually struggle with, they reasoned that my personal experience would help me address this with tact.

So, alright. I’m giving in.

As a disclaimer, I’m not a psychologist and I don’t have a ton of knowledge about psychology. I’m just a dude who likes seeing himself in characters he relates to. This is going to be more based on my own personal experience than anything else.

Now that you know all that, let’s finally get into it.

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The Types way to say 'I love you' (according to real experiences)
  • ESFP and ISFP: I love you more than anything else, you're my life. ❤ (which is usually said because they want to make the other one happy and not because that's actually what they're thinking in that moment)
  • ESTP and ISTP: I'm sorry dear, I love you [which is cleverly packaged as a joke after they teased their significant other (also as a joke) to see the others reaction]
  • ESFJ: I want to share my life with you, I love you and I'll always be there for you ❤
  • ISFJ: I love you... *blushes*
  • ISTJ and ESTJ: Love you.
  • INFP: I LOVE YOU PLEASE LOVE ME BACK PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE TO SHOW YOU MY LOVE DON'T HURT MEEEH SJDJWJFJW (actually all INFPs I know)
  • INFJ: *deep and long love confession full of emotions and compliments*
  • ENFJ: I like you...
  • ENFP: I have feelings for you *big smile* 😊
  • ENTP: I find you quite interesing
  • ENTJ: *deep love confession* (they're actually really emotional when it comes to this topic)
  • INTP: Somehow you managed to make me care a lot for you 😊
  • INTJ: U suck less than other people.
Burning Like Liquor

Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader

Genre: Smut, slow burn(?)

Word Count: 4.7k

Warnings: cheating (not involving Seokjin), sexual content

Summary: You don’t know why it is you find yourself in front of the rich, arrogant, Kim Seokjin’s penthouse after discovering your boyfriend with your best friend. You wonder why you chose to come to him, of all people, wonder why it’s him that you feel can be your only distraction, wonder why you seem convinced that he is the answer to the equation you’ve never been able to solve. 

Kim Seokjin wonders why it’s you that ignites a raging inferno under his skin when he usually feels nothing at all.

A woman’s bra thrown haphazardly on the floor. That’s the first thing you see when you step into your boyfriend’s apartment. A little further down the dimly lit hall, a pair of pink stilettos that don’t belong to you, a pair of hastily removed black pants, an undone tie, and a deep scarlet dress that’s torn down the front. Two unfinished glasses of wine sit alone on the coffee table. One has the imprint of bright red lipstick smeared along the rim, marring the otherwise perfect chrome surface. It glows crimson in the pale light of the apartment, a scarlet letter. You’re not exactly sure how to categorize how you feel as your heart plummets like a stone in your chest, not sure how to describe the bitter cold that threads its way through your body, every nerve crystallizing into ice until even your fingertips are numb. The room drifts out of focus and you’re seeing double—two pairs of those offending pink heels, two black ties, two sets of those infuriating half-filled wine glasses—and it isn’t until you blink a stinging, humiliating teardrop out of your eye that you realize you’re crying. The entire world slams back into crystalline focus.

You’re numb as you walk down the hallway to the bedroom, movements mechanical and dissociated. The pathway is decorated with hastily abandoned articles of clothing. You aren’t stupid, by any means, fully aware of the scene that’ll undoubtedly greet you, but some perverse, insidious desire for confirmation prickles under your skin. You had noticed how his schedule had gradually become busier and busier, noticed how his responses to your messages became slower and slower, noticed how even when he was right next to you, he felt miles away. So you can’t describe your emotions as surprised when you step into the doorway and see the silhouette of a naked woman in his bathroom and see him in the middle of the room, only a towel wrapped around his waist. He freezes completely when he sees you. But your eyes aren’t on him. Instead, they’re drawn to the oh-so-familiar back of the woman in the bathroom. You can’t help but think about a nearly identical scene two years ago, flashing in your mind’s eye, as the exact same wave of dread drops over your shoulders. It feels like a funeral shroud.

“(Y/N),” he breathes, and she whirls in surprise.

Your best friend’s eyes land directly on yours.

Not again. It feels as if you’ve been kicked in the stomach, all the air in your lungs escaping your throat in a twisted little sound of pain and betrayal you barely recognize. You feel your heart shatter in your chest. The pain is raw and blinding and it tears through your entire body, unforgiving and without mercy. It’s both scalding and freezing at the same time.

She can’t bring herself to look away from your eyes. Even she can’t find any words, tongue stumbling over an empty explanation, and your boyfriend moves to shield her from your view, protecting her even now. Blood roars in your ears as you turn away, a flood of emotions slamming into you all at once, too quickly for you to process. This time you recognize the burn of tears in your eyes. Each one sears a burning path down your cheek as you stumble aimlessly out of the apartment building and hail a cab.

#

You don’t know why you end up in front of Kim Seokjin’s penthouse. You feel empty now, utterly hollow. It seems as if you had already cried out every drop of sadness in the fifteen minute drive, your eyes dry and throat hoarse. You slam your fist on the door twice and cross your arms impatiently, still unable to process the raging chaos of thoughts racing through your mind.

You hear movement inside and a muffled sigh. A glass clinks against a table top. “Jungkook, I told you—” The door opens and Seokjin’s tall frame appears, bronzed hair tousled. A wry grin spreads across his face and he cocks his head as he takes in your disheveled appearance in a slow, sweeping gaze. “You’re not Jungkook,” he says, intelligently. “What a lovely—”

You push past him, thoughts still thundering in your ears. You wonder why you chose to come to him, of all people, wonder why it’s him that you feel can be your only distraction, wonder why it’s him that can make you feel anything at all.

“Yes, come on in. Make yourself at home,” he calls after you sarcastically, scoffing in disbelief as he watches you collapse onto his couch.

“You have alcohol, don’t you?” Your hands come up to cover your face as your head falls back against the cushion. You want to forget more than anything right now. You want to experience everything from the detached, muted haze of alcohol.

You hear him close the door. “Why?” he asks, voice lilting. “Did you finally come to terms with the harsh reality of your dear, cheating boyfriend?”

Your eyes snap open and heat rushes to your face. He returns your glare evenly, head cocked to the side. “What, you didn’t think everyone already knew?” He lets out a biting laugh, but there’s nothing humorous about it. “That’s why you’re here now, isn’t it? To drink yourself into a stupor so you can forget all your problems?”

His words sting, cutting deeper into your already battered heart. “Why else would I ever come to you?” you shoot back acrimoniously.

The smile on his face stiffens, his eyes locking with yours momentarily. After a beat of silence he turns, pulling open a cabinet behind him and placing two crystal glasses on the marble countertop. “What do you feel like?”

“Anything other than wine.” You want to wash the lump in your throat down with the burning fire of alcohol. “The stronger the better.”

Seokjin nods in assent, selecting a short, dark bottle filled with a golden fluid.

When he hands you your drink, he brushes unnecessarily close to you, choosing to walk behind the couch so that he can press the drink into your hand by leaning in so close you can feel his hot breath fanning over your neck. You don’t really mind. The warmth he emits is comforting, and it disappears all too quickly when he steps around the corner of the couch to sink into the leather beside you. “To forgetting everything,” he says drily, raising his glass. His arm nudges yours to indicate for you to do the same.

You grimace in response but clink your glass to his anyway, just to humor him. “To forgetting,” you echo, and bring the liquor to your lips, taking a giant gulp.

It burns like fire going down your throat. You cough and splutter as you struggle to swallow, throat flaming and eyes stinging. The alcohol sears a blazing path down your body as it slides down your chest to your stomach.

“Careful,” Seokjin warns wryly, taking an equally large swallow without flinching. “You’ll only be able to drink like that after many of these nights.”

You ignore his warning and knock back your head with another large draught, grimacing as you swallow. It slides down smoothly this time. The warmth pools in your chest and blooms in a white hot heat that curls slowly outwards and causes your blood to rise to your cheeks, tinting them a bright crimson. Yet you feel a perverse sense of satisfaction at the pain, a bitter smile curling your wetted lips. “Isn’t it funny?” you say into the bottom of your glass, eyes glazed and distant as you watch the golden ichor-like fluid swirl hypnotizingly slowly in your hands. You ask no one in particular—it’s an empty question asked only by those who don’t want answers. Seokjin listens anyway. “I’m not even surprised. You’d think that I would be satisfied now, finally knowing the truth I had suspected all along.” Your eyes burn along with the liquor in your chest. Seokjin doesn’t say anything, only sips on his drink in silence as he watches you from the corner of his eye. You let out another bitter laugh. “You’d think I could feel liberated now, knowing the truth.”

Seokjin scoffs into his glass. “Now, (Y/N), you know better than that, don’t you? That’s never how it works. You should know better.”

Blood boils in your veins.  You want to push him, to force something genuine out him. You want to see something real from the unfeeling Kim Seokjin. You’re destruction in the form of harsh, caustic words, and you want Kim Seokjin to come tumbling down with you. “It was Eunwoo,” you snap suddenly, focusing your blazing glare on him as you say her name so you can watch his reaction. You want to see the pain on his face. You want someone else to experience the same betrayal and anger, the same pure, raw pain. You want to feel something, and there was no one better than Seokjin for that. You don’t want to be alone in someone else’s company. Not now.

He freezes, his glass half tipped back, the drink just barely grazing his lips.

“The girl he’s been fucking behind my back. It’s Eunwoo.” A cruel smile twists the edge of your lips. “You like her, don’t you? I’ve seen you watching her when she’s with me.”

You watch with twisted satisfaction as his eyes darken and knuckles whiten around his glass, still frozen mid-sip.

“My best friend, Eunwoo. Eunwoo, beautiful and intelligent.” Acid in your lungs and saccharine poison drips in your words. “Eunwoo, who all the men fall for. Eunwoo, who has drawn in every man I’ve ever fallen for.” You spit her name like a curse. You don’t know if the burning in your chest is from the liquor anymore. “Eunwoo, who has fucked not one, but two of my boyfriends behind my back.” A sliver of the betrayal you feel slips into your voice treacherously, contorting your words so they fall out with a broken inflection. “Why do you like her?”

“What do you mean?” He lowers his drink from his lips, eyes still storming. Good.

“Eunwoo. Why do you like her?”

He turns his head away from you with a sigh. “I can’t answer that.”

It infuriates you. “Why?” you press, unable to stop yourself from self-destruction. “Are you in love with her?” Your eyes are probing, listening intently with a shameless, desperate curiosity for his answer. You anticipate his yes, his dry confirmation in that viscous, smooth voice of his. Yes, he loves Jung Eunwoo. He’ll say it with pain in his dark eyes, you’re sure. But despite yourself, even as you wait expectantly for his yes, your ears desperately listen for his no. No, Kim Seokjin does not love Jung Eunwoo. No, Jung Eunwoo’s presence in the wistful corners of his guarded thoughts does not mean more to him than your presence here, right next to him. No, what Kim Seokjin feels for Jung Eunwoo does not take precedence over what he feels right now. No, you are not alone in someone else’s company. You can’t bear that anymore.

Seokjin laughs, but the sound is harsh and wrong. “Did you love your boyfriend?”

“Yes,” you say decisively, relishing in the way his eyes flick over to you immediately, eyes dark and intense, knowing he wasn’t expecting an answer. “I did.” Perhaps it’s the alcohol coursing through your veins, or maybe it’s Seokjin’s piercing, heavy gaze, but your tongue is loose tonight and you crave his rapt, burning attention.

“Why?” His eyes have darkened several shades. They pin you and you feel as if they are slowly peeling back the layers you have buried yourself under, exposing you, making you naked under his gaze.

“He cared,” you say finally, after a few moments of dead silence.

Seokjin lets out a harsh breath of disbelief. “That’s it?” He snaps his fingers and widens his eyes as if he’s had an epiphany, pointing at you with his index finger. “So the mailman—you’ll love him too? And Park Jimin, your friend? Ah, and who else, your boss? That’s all it takes for you to love someone? He just has to care?”

You ignore his sarcasm and wrap your hands around the glass in your lap, thoughts far away. Your finger runs absently around the rim, wetting in the condensation. “No,” you say, so quietly it’s almost inaudible. “He cared about me. Like I mattered.” That bitter, sad smile returns to your lips once more. “I wanted to matter to him.”

Seokjin swallows his anger as he watches you, your gaze distant as your fingers slowly slacken around the glass placed so precariously in your lap, the liquid sloshing dangerously.

He leans forward and catches the drink in your hands just as it begins to slip from your grasp. His skin burns hot against yours as his hand wraps around your fingers to cup the glass, his much larger hand easily dominating yours. Your body tenses at the contact. The glass is cold against your palms, but his hands are blazing, the heat pulsating from him igniting you. It’s as if time has stopped completely. Your breath stills completely in your throat, and it seems as if Seokjin’s has too, because he stares down at your small hands in his, unable to move. You watch the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallows, his eyes trained on the light twitch of your fingers as the pad of his thumb sweeps the delicate skin of your hand. The stroke is so light and tentative you barely feel it, but it still sends shivers down your spine.  

“Am I really so dumb to want that?” you breathe, cutting into the silence.

You immediately regret asking. He seems to come back down to reality, pulling his hand away from yours hastily as he straightens. That hand that grasped yours curls into a fist in his lap. Instantly, your hands feel cold again, the ember that he had ignited in you flickering away to ash. You crave his warmth, his touch. You crave the feeling of those burning fingers ghosting your cold skin again.

“No,” he manages, his voice thick and low.

“How do you know?” you press. You don’t know what it is you’re expecting to hear. An admission? A confession? But curiosity boils in your veins nevertheless.

His jaw clenches tightly. He turns to face you, eyes dark and smoldering as he holds your probing gaze. The grayed ember reignites in the pit of your stomach as you look at him, his tousled bronze hair glinting in the light, the top button of his shirt undone and just barely exposing his chest. He watches your eyes travel down to his ruby lips, full and soft, and you can’t seem to pull your eyes away, drawn like a bee to honey, utterly enraptured. His face is less than a foot from yours. Sweet breath mixes with yours. Cologne fills your senses. He draws in closer—there are less than six inches between his mouth and yours. “It was never Eunwoo,” he murmurs, his full lips curving around each word.

It’s only four words, but they carry a thousand meanings. Time seem to slow to a crawl around you. It’s a simple elementary equation. Kim Seokjin is to either Jung Eunwoo or you. If the answer is not Jung Eunwoo, to whom is Kim Seokjin? Yet your mind can’t seem to wrap around the solution.

But you can understand the searing heat of Seokjin’s skin on yours. You can understand the throbbing desire that tears at you from within, craving for the heat of his gaze on you, his lips on your throat. You can understand that it is only Kim Seokjin that can ignite you from within and leave burning trails of fire every where he touches. You can understand the dull ache of pure, unadulterated need to feel that fire again.

Kim Seokjin is to you as you are to Kim Seokjin.

You set your glass down on the coffee table in front of you, slowly, without taking your eyes off of him. “Are you going to do anything about it?” It’s a challenge weakly guised under the pretense of an innocent question.

Kim Seokjin has never been one to back away from a challenge. A flood emotions flash in his eyes as you lean closer. “I won’t hold ba—”

You don’t wait for him to finish, closing the distance and finally, finally, crushing your lips against his. He abandons the glass in his hand, dropping it onto the wool carpet and ignoring the telltale slosh as it spills into multi thousand dollar fibres, undoubtedly staining. He couldn’t care less. The hand immediately comes to rest on the outside of your thigh, applying delicious pressure. You can’t help but notice that the curve of his hand fits you perfectly. You shift, moving your body so that you’re straddling him, your knees on either side of his spread legs. He tugs you closer, the hand once holding his glass slipping under your shirt and pulling your hips flush against his. It’s still cold, damp from the condensation left on his hand, and you shudder at the feeling. You fist your hands in the fabric covering his chest. You can feel his heartbeat through the thin fabric of his shirt, thrumming under your fingertips as he deepens the kiss, his fingers dancing along the sides of your waist under your shirt.

You can taste the liquor on his lips, on his tongue, burning and sweet. Kim Seokjin kindles a fire in you that burns brighter than the alcohol.

You are the one to break the kiss, lips swollen and bitten. Everywhere he touched blazes. Heat blooms in your chest again, stronger than even the liquor in your veins. The memory of your boyfriend’s betrayal is far in the distance, already nearly forgotten, and all you can think is Seokjin, Seokjin, Seokjin, as you latch your lips onto his defined jawline, the sweet taste of his skin mingling with the salty thin sheen of sweat. He groans as your lips travel lower, along the column of his neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin. His eyes flutter closed and his head falls back against the couch as you drag your teeth across his skin slowly, teasingly. You unbutton his shirt hastily as he reaches behind you to unzip your dress. His touch ignites a raging inferno as his warm hands push the fabric off of your shoulders and you tip your head with a breathy gasp of yes, Seokjin and he nearly loses himself, right then and there. Your head tips back to expose the creamy, smooth skin of your throat, lips parted. His hot mouth finds purchase in the newly exposed juncture of your neck and collarbone, lightly biting into that sensitive spot that makes goosebumps erupt along the surface and chills run down your spine, your fingernails digging into his shoulders.

He shrugs his shirt off of his shoulders as you fumble with his belt impatiently. He chuckles, a low rumble that you feel against your skin, at your impatience, one eyebrow cocked before gently pushing you off of him so he can do it himself to remove his pants and briefs together. Your skin feels unnaturally cold without him pressing against you. You impatiently shrug off the rest of your clothing and throw it unceremoniously onto the floor. Just as he begins to stand, you push him back down onto the couch, your palms flattening against his toned chest. His eyes sparkle with amusement as he looks up at you, legs spread. He’s bigger than you expected, much bigger than your boyfriend had been. For a second, you worry that you won’t be able to take all of him in. But the need for Seokjin burning hot, so hot, in the pit of your stomach far outshines the slight prickle of worry.

You straddle him carefully, hands gripping tightly onto his shoulders and fingernails digging into the warm skin. Just as you begin to position yourself on top of him, his hands come up to grip your hips, preventing you from moving. You look at his hands in surprise and desperation, unable to move against his firm hold. His jaw is tight from restraint. The muscle in his jaw twitches slightly when you whine, but he keeps his grip steady. His eyes are warm when you meet them, the pad of his thumb rubbing slow circles against the sensitive spot on your hip that sends a flash of warmth straight down between your thighs, where a dull ache burns.

One of his hands comes up to gently brush a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Are you sure you want this?” His voice is strained from the effort, and he honestly doesn’t know what he’ll do if you say no.

“Please, Seokjin,” you whimper, and he relents, groaning your name under his breath.

You sink onto him slowly, reveling in the pleasure of feeling him stretch you so widely, fill you so deeply, and a gasp of pleasure escapes your lips as he bottoms out completely, rubbing your walls in all the right ways.

“Fuck,” he hisses. “You’re so fucking tight.” His fingers grip your hips so tightly you’re sure he’ll leave bruises, knowing you need time to adjust.

Your head falls to the crook of his neck, teeth grazing his sensitive throat. “Fuck me, Seokjin,” you breathe. He shudders underneath you, a low growl rumbling deep in his chest. His hands burn against your skin as he lifts your hips, guiding you up and down, setting a smooth rhythm.

Your head falls back in pleasure as his hips roll against yours, hitting deep in you. Small gasps fall from your mouth at the pace he pushes into you, your eyes rolling back in euphoric pleasure as pressure builds from that dull ache at your core. Seokjin’s mouth is at your throat. His full, soft lips suck and nip at the sensitive exposed skin, down from your jaw, along your throat, ghosting the tops of your collarbones, heightening every sensation.

You roll your hips to meet his, clumsily at first, but the pleasure increases tenfold as he hits an entirely new spot deep in you and you let out a loud, heady moan, fingernails dragging down his chest as your other hand buries and twists in his silky hair, pulling slightly. He groans at your movements. “Does that feel good?” he manages, thick through his teeth. You can only let out a sharp cry of pleasure as he drives into you with a sudden quick snap of his hips. His grip tightens on your waist as he does it again, impaling you on him the same time he thrusts upwards, slamming into you. “Does it?”

“Y-yes,” you slur, head tipped back as he fastens his hungry lips on your jaw. “G-god you feel so fucking good, Seokjin.”

He hums against you in satisfaction at your answer, rutting into you faster, nipping and sucking every square inch of exposed skin he can reach. You can feel your orgasm building again. It tightens in your stomach and you rock your hips against his faster to convey your urgency.

Seokjin watches you through hooded lids, reveling in the way you’ve become so absolutely wrecked for him, your glistening lips parted in silent cries of ecstasy, your hair messy, eyes clenched shut as you mewl his name, begging for him to go faster, harder. “You’re so beautiful,” he says as he acquiesces and pounds faster, gritting his teeth when he feels your fingers tighten in his hair.

“Almost,” you pant shallowly, vision blurring as he continuously hits deep into you.

“Come for me, (Y/N),” he groans into your throat. “Now.”

You unravel with a sharp cry, your entire body tensing as you reach your release. Pleasure overtakes your body in waves as your nails drag down Seokjin’s shoulders. You can feel yourself tightening around him, desperately trying to milk out his orgasm, but he doesn’t relent, continuing to rut into you as you descend slowly from your high.

He stands, still buried in you, and you instinctively wrap your legs around his slim waist and your lips find his, hair falling forward like a curtain around your faces. There is only Seokjin.

Suddenly, you’re pressed back against a cool plaster wall. The cold instantly seeps into your bare skin, and you yelp in surprise against his lips.

Seokjin smirks and he starts his hips again, rolling against you. One of your arms snakes around his neck, pulling him closer as your other hand tangles in his already mussed hair as he fucks you against the wall. He doesn’t go easy this time around, now trying to achieve his own high.

His hips slam against you relentlessly, forcing your back to rub against the wall with each deep thrust, adding an edge of pain to the pleasure that again tightens in your stomach.

“Seokjin,” you gasp as he hits that spot with a particularly hard thrust, your fingers tugging senselessly at his hair. You’re already on the precipice of your next orgasm, teetering dangerously on the edge as he fucks into you. You dig your heels into the small of his back, forcing him impossibly deeper, and your back arches in white pleasure.

Ff-fuck,” he stutters, his rhythm faltering. You can feel him swell inside you, filling you even more. “Say it again.” His teeth drag along the delicate skin of your shoulder. “My name.”

You smile, though he can’t see it. “Seokjin,” you sigh breathlessly, your lips pressed against the soft shell of his ear, your sharp nails raking down his back.

He tenses, body drawing completely taught, muscles flexing. Seokjin comes violently and messily, you learn. His body shakes as he releases, filling you with rope after rope as he rides out his orgasm, your name falling from his lips like a mantra.

You come undone once again at the feeling of him losing himself in you, your name on his lips, his hips stuttering. Your vision whitens as your fingernails dig so deeply into his back the skin breaks. Good. You want to mark him as yours. You want him to remember you. You want him to remember the burn of your bodies moving in perfect unison. Your lewd moan of release is muffled in his neck as he stills.

You feel his heartbeat thrumming against you, sticky skin pressed flush against sticky skin. You can feel is racing pulse under your swollen lips.

The room is silent except for the sounds of your combined heavy pants. Neither of you move as heartbeats slow and chests still.

You don’t want to move away, you think, even as you unhook your legs from around his back, even as you flatten your palms against his chest and apply gentle pressure. Your legs are unsteady but your push him anyway. Seokjin pulls out and steps away, catching you just as you lose balance.

You don’t complain when he lifts you and carries you back to his bedroom, setting you gently on the plush bed. He takes a few seconds to pick up the clothes you left on the ground in the living room, shrugging his wrinkled shirt back onto his shoulders as he hands them to you.

“Thanks,” you say intelligently. You don’t know what else to say. There are a thousand questions at the tip of your tongue, a thousand thoughts crowding your mind, a thousand emotions coiled in the pit of your stomach.

A small smile teases his lips as he watches you. “I’ll wait for you.”

A/N: J e s u s ok please forgive me for this

~Requests are currently open~

previous works:

Always (M) - Kim Taehyung [BTS]

Neither Innocent Nor Guilty (M) - Shin Hoseok [Monsta X]

Sleeping with the Enemy

Originally posted by kanjiklubs

Request: “ Ooh but how about this concept? Emperor Ren has a secret relationship with one of Luke’s new apprentices. They meet through the First Order capturing her and her “escaping” (actually being Kylo releasing her), until one day he refuses to let her return to her Master.”

Summary: Luke’s newest apprentice is entrusted with a mission after months of training only to get taken out by the First Order. When she returns the Resistance is more than thankful as well as Luke to have her back. Though behind her happy smile at the reunion, nobody knows the secret she has newly acquired. A dark and brooding secret. Her life at the Resistance and as Luke’s apprentice resumes, but not without some complications. 

A/N: Ok, I love forbidden love AU’s. I was gonna add more to the end to make it more action filled or something but it was getting a little lengthy, but the point still got across. Hopefully you all enjoy it!


Sitting at a table in the command room you felt your heart beat faster in your chest. You had been through the scenario so many times before and yet, it had taken on a whole new weight. The scenarios before had not been nearly as dangerous but not as risky for both you and the Resistance itself. Many would likely say they felt the same about their intel missions, but this, this was different.

Suddenly Luke’s voice broke you out of your train of thought, nearly causing you to jump in your seat. 

“I trust that you can handle yourself with such a task (Y/N).”

Adjusting yourself in your seat you easily brought back your composure. If there was anyone who would sense a slip in your conscience it was Luke. There couldn’t be a slip on your behalf or things would take an entirely different turn.

“Yes I can Master.”

Luke gave you a slow nod in acknowledgement. In the chair between you sat the General herself, Leia Organa. With a soft sigh she looked over to you, her eyes taking on a more nurturing appearance. Something you always admired her for. Being able to balance a nuturing spirit as well as one that would fight to the death for what she believed in.

“You’re sure this mission won’t overwhelm you?”

You rested your shoulders from their tense state as you returned her smile with your own, “I assure you General I can do this. With Luke’s training, my instinct and skill set I have this covered. It may be a tad more daunting this time…but I’m ready.”

Both Luke and Leia looked to each other before turning to you, smiles equally showcased on their faces. They didn’t want to seem too joyous considering the possibilities of what could go wrong. Especially being aware of the last run in you had had with the First Order. Nobody wanted you to get captured again.

“You’re certain a mission directly involving the Order won’t be too much?”

You nodded, “Given my past experience with them, I know exactly what to expect. I also am a little more familiar with the way they operate even off of the base.”

Luke gave you a small smile of pride. He always loved that you took your capture by the First Order as more of a learning experience than anything else. So many others would use it as a crutch and yet you used to further yourself.

Leia gave you a nod, “Then you’re just the person for the job. We’ll have preparations ready and awaiting you tomorrow morning. You’ll have plenty of time to review the mission and the maps leading to the system beforehand.”

You gave them both a nod and soft smile, “I will not fail you.”

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Hold Me Tight | Pt. 2

( can you trust me? )

Part 1 | Part 2

Anonymous requested: Hwarang AU + Royalty/Servant AU
Pairing: Taehyung | Reader
Genre: Angst/Fluff; Royalty AU + Soulmate AU (in which you know they’re your soulmate when you touch them for the first time + share extreme physical sensation after you meet)
Word Count: 5,906
Author’s Note: A little warning, light smut in this part! And crazy, reckless kids in love. Like the calm before the storm.

Summary: Kim Taehyung is expected to spend the rest of his life within the company of nobility after joining the ranks of the kingdom’s newest royal guard. He anticipates alot of new experiences, new people… but the spark of a touch more powerful than anything before in his life is definitely not one of them—from the shadows of maids and housekeepers nonetheless.

.

Kim Taehyung always thought he was relatively well experienced when it came to different happenings that could occur in his life, believing that even though he lacks the complete knowledge that can only happen with age, he had obtained certain skills such as critical thinking and deductive reasoning to help him figure out certain problems he couldn’t simply reach into his memories for reference.

However, this is almost an entirely different story in it of itself.

He has just found his soulmate, the person he is destined to spend eternity with, the person who was meant to fit him better than anyone else on the universe, only to discover that you were a servant of the Hwarang household. Of all the people in the universe Taehyung could have been matched with, it had to be someone he would be absolutely forbidden to marry. For a blinding moment, it almost feels insulting to be gifted with such a soulmate of such a position, and he wonders why whatever gods in control of this would set him up with an individual he could never reach out to. He feels many different emotions the longer he lets this realization dawn upon him: anger, remorse, complete and utter confusion to name a few.

But once those emotions hit him and pass him by, it leaves the lingering question of what Taehyung was seriously going to do about the growing elephant in the room. It wasn’t like he could simply ignore the issue, because it was going to come back and bite him right in the ass whether he wanted it to or not. Because eventually, Queen Jiso was going to try to find him a princess, she was going to try and find his soulmate—and Taehyung doesn’t know how long the Queen would search before she figured it out.

However, regardless of this impending fear that comes with discovering one’s soulmate is of completely forbidden nature in a way that could result in dire consequences (death definitely being one of them), Taehyung does the thing he feels like he is best equipped to do given his high level of maturity, thoughtfulness, and wisdom.

He avoids it.

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