an attempt was made

“When I was in middle school and early high school, maybe sixth to ninth grade, I contemplated suicide a lot, and I made some very poor attempts, probably not very serious ones.

But especially when I was 12, I thought that I would die because I was so unhappy. I thought my heart would just stop. And when it continued going, it was a mystery to me why I didn’t just drop dead from life being impossibly horrible.

So when I was in high school, maybe 14, I was cooking dinner with my mom, maybe stirring something on the stove, and I said to her, ‘I feel sorry for people who commit suicide. They must be really sad.’ I guess I was trying to provoke a conversation. I must have been desperate to do that because we did not talk about anything. I did not make it an obvious reference to me, but I remember she shut me down really fast and sharply. She said, ‘People who commit suicide are selfish!’

So I said, ‘okay’ and just kept stirring, and that was the end of the conversation.”

(Part I)

Canton, MA

Saying His Final Goodbye

The story was recovered thanks to @undertaaker!

A homemade banner had been stretched across the room with colorful letters that spelled out, “Goodbye William and Good Luck.” William found the gesture to be more appropriate than any of soon to be ex-colleagues could have guessed, but he couldn’t help but notice that there was too much space between the d and the b in goodbye so that it looked like two words. He hated when such minor things annoyed him, but now that he had noticed the error, it was hard to tear his eyes away. With effort, he looked over the small crowd and saw that everyone seemed to be in a good mood. A part of him couldn’t help but wonder if they were celebrating his departure in hopes of getting a supervisor that was less strict. They were truly celebrating his leaving, although none knew the truth. He nodded to a few, although he made very few attempts at small talk. It wasn’t something he was good at anyway.

After what felt like an eternity, the party began to break up and everything began to drift back to their homes and apartments. William didn’t take the time to say goodbye to each as he retreated to his office one last time. He supposed it wasn’t really his office anymore as the desk and shelves were now bare. He had never noticed how cold this room looked before, but now he could feel the chill circling his form. To his surprise, he was very reluctant to leave. Of course, it wasn’t this room that he really dreaded leaving behind.

It was his life.

Although it was only known by a few doctors and his superiors, William’s encounter with Thomas had left him with a mild case of Thorns of Death. It wasn’t as severe as Alan’s illness, so he had very few outward symptoms, but it was killing him all the same. Since that day, he had been so careful with his emotions as he hoped to stretch out his days. His biggest worry was that he wouldn’t reach redemption and be allowed to pass on. That would mean he would have to start over with his sentence - or disappear to an eternity that remained complete uncertain for those not given a second chance. He shuddered slightly at the thought.

His last checkup had not gone well as his time left to live had dwindled to a few months at best. This supposed promotion was just a way for him to be quietly removed so no one would even know of his death. It had always been thought that it was best to keep his situation quiet even before the incident with Alan and Eric, and now it seemed even more prudent to do so.

Leaving the empty office, he looked out over the vacant desks. They set in the darkened room like ghost ships upon the sea, although he supposed he was the closest thing to a ghost here. Quietly, he walked past each desk and ran his gloved hand over the wooden surfaces. This was as close as he could to saying a final goodbye to each of his subordinates. Although he hadn’t been a personable supervisor, he knew all their names and their faces, and he recalled little things about each one.

The final desk he visited was Grell’s, and he would have known it anywhere. It was cluttered as always, and it was a miracle the redhead could find anything, but this organized chaos seemed to work for her. Her desk was more battered than most of the others and scarred slightly. A jagged red stain of nail polish marred its surface, and William found himself touching that spot. He wished he could thanked Grell for saving him all those years ago from Thomas’ records. If it had not been for Grell’s actions that day, he would have died a long time ago. He know, however, that she could never know the truth or it could lead to disaster. He didn’t want anyone to die for him to live.

“Honestly,” William mumbled to himself as he adjusted his glasses. He wasn’t sure when he had become so sentimental.

Turning away, he walked down the familiar hallway one last time as he left the desks behind. As he rounded a corner, however, a single tear made its way down his normally stoic cheek.

asktheseventhhuman  asked:

//I also assume you accept other people's characters now so uh what about Steel B1?

Gimme stuff to Draw Pls™ || Still Accepting cuz why not

(( hng an attempt has been made ;;;

@fcllenflowers

anonymous asked:

BUT EVEN SO, Im still sending you a virtual hug and a plushie or two aand I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT. WALK OUT THERE AND CRUSH SOME IGNORANT BITCHES WITH YOUR AWESOMENESS BB!! Also, the "5 months ago" attempt line made me :((( bc, first off,,s ame,, second off; please be safe. I know its cliche to say that but youll be alright. idk your life but I KNOW you can push through whatever is happening in it. IF NOTHING,, WE (your followers) BELIEVE IN YOU! -rambling anon

THANK YOU, LOVELY!!

also I really do wish u would come off anon and chat with me! I love chatting with kind people!

10

Dear @orphanblack

colorful headcanons.
  • ( send me a copic color for a headcanon )
  • frost blue: does your muse enjoy the snow and cold? or are they the type to enjoy summer more?
  • peacock blue: is your muse honest? what sorts of lies do they tell, if not?
  • lapis lazuli: does your muse prefer the idea of exploring the depths of the oceans, or the boundless expanses of space more?
  • reddish brass: how likely is your muse to step up and take the role of a leader? are they willing to take the challenge, or are they more apt to being a follower?
  • burnt umber: how stable is your muse, mentally and/or emotionally?
  • champagne: does your muse drink (alcohol)? are they a heavy drinker, if so?
  • tea orange: what is something that your muse is fascinated with?
  • malachite: has your muse ever done anything that they winded up feeling incredibly guilty for in the end?
  • olive: is your muse prone to feeling envious of others? if yes, what is it that they typically feel envious over?
  • vermillion: is your muse courageous, or would they consider themselves to be more of a coward?
  • coral: what is your muse's romantic and sexual orientations?
  • bougainvillaea: would your muse consider themselves as blunt, or do they beat around the bush instead?
  • currant: what's something that absolutely disgusts your muse (can be a person, place, thing, ect)?
  • crimson: how passionate is your muse about the things they love most?
  • raspberry: what food and/or drink can your muse not get enough of? do they indulge in it often, or is it something reserved for special occasions?
  • baby blossoms: does your muse have a favorite scent? what is it, and why?
  • mallow: what sorts of things might remind your muse of those close to them? any scents, objects, sounds?
  • aubergine: does your muse prefer the day, or are they more of a night-owl?
  • acacia: how much does it take for your muse to hate someone?
  • cadmium yellow: what subjects or topics does your muse avoid, because they bring up harmful / painful memories?
  • honey: when your muse loves someone (whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial love), how do they show it?
  • chartreuse: if you had to describe your muse with a color, what color would it be and why?
  • anise: when it comes to self-care, what does your muse do to take care of themselves? do they take care to spend time on it, or do they feel they don't deserve it?
  • new leaf: what message would your muse send to their past self, if any?
  • moss: how easily does your muse adapt to any new situations they're thrust into?
  • silk: does your muse care about appearances much? do they spend a lot of time on their own appearance, or do they just go with the flow each day?
  • sanguine: does your muse typically have an optimistic, pessimistic, or some middle ground outlook on life?
  • atoll: if your muse could go anywhere, without any restrictions whatsoever, where would they go? why would they go there?
  • cool grey: if your muse could ensure one thing for certain in their future to come, what would it be?
  • black: does your muse have a 'bucket list?' list some things your muse wants to accomplish before they die.

I have a really bad headache coming on but dammit if I didn’t want to try and pump out one more thing before I tapped out! (I failed but I at least got about 65% of him done so whooo!)

Also you can simultaneously see just how sucky I am at drawing robots compared to drawing animals lol (or maybe they are the same? Idk I’m going to go lay down now)