an anon asked me to do this with this specific quote

anonymous asked:

Hey, you're awesome, thanks for existing, basically ^_^ Anyway, I wanted to know if you have any tips on how to write different personalities? My characters (all of them) always end up with the same default personality that I fall back on. Thanks!

Thanks for your question, darling!  I think most of us have struggled with this – after all, we’re conditioned to one way of thinking, feeling, and acting for as long as we live.  That doesn’t necessarily mean we write characters like ourselves, though.  In fact, many of us have a “default character” that’s sassier than we are, sweeter than we are, or in some way different enough from us that we still feel like we’re writing a character.

The problem, then, isn’t that we can’t visualize a different personality than ours.  On the whole, we can.  What we’re missing are the small details that make it feel whole – otherwise, it’s like painting the same room six different colors and trying to pass it off as six different rooms.  Different dominant traits can’t hide the fact that you’re working with one template!

So the question we’re left with: what are the traits we’re missing?  And how can we change them to create a unique and whole personality?


Three Types of Character Traits

There are, as the title suggests, three major categories of personality traits as I see it: fundamental traits, acquired traits, and detrimental traits.  A well-rounded character needs some of each to be three-dimensional and realistic.

Fundamental Traits

The fundamental traits of a person’s character are not as simple as interests and preferences; they are the very base of all decisions and desires.  They are either learned in early life or developed over a long period of time, rooting deeply into the personality.  A few examples of fundamental personality traits include:

  • Upbringing – The word choice here is conscious, as upbringing encompasses many different aspects of a person’s development.  Consider who raised them, and with what morals and practices they were raised to adulthood.  Consider their influences, both familial, social, and in media; consider the relationships that were normalized during their development, as well as the living conditions (financially, emotionally, environmentally, etc.).  The people, places, emotions, and conflicts made common during a person’s developmental period are essential to their personality in adulthood.  This is why psychologists often draw present-day problems back to a person’s childhood memories – because those formative years can subconsciously dictate so much of a person’s future!
  • Values – These may not coincide with the values a person is raised to hold, but upbringing certainly has an influence on this. A person’s values will direct the course of their life through every decision, large and small.  You don’t need to outline everything your character believes is important – every moral and every law they agree/disagree with. But those values which stand above others will give your character purpose.  A few of my favorite examples are: Jane from Jane the Virgin (whose initial storyline is heavily based on her religion and desire for a beautiful love story, as well as her childhood influences who inspired these values) and Han Solo from Star Wars (whose character development rested upon his values shifting from money and gratification to more honorable things).
  • Beliefs – Different from values, beliefs are a more general set of guidelines for how a person believes things are supposed to be.  Beliefs can also be a source of great conflict, as a character tries to stay aligned with their beliefs despite other values or desires.  These beliefs can be established systems, like religion or politics; they can also include more personal belief systems, like nihilism or veganism.  A characters beliefs, like their values, can change over the course of the story – but even if a character is questioning one system of belief, like religion or pacifism, they should have other belief systems in place to govern some of their activity.
  • Reputation – A lot of human activity, whether consciously or not, is dictated by how others perceive them (or how they believe others perceive them).  There are two types of reputation: personal and passing.  For instance, a woman named Sally who gains a personal reputation of sleeping around will behave in reaction to this reputation – either sleeping around because everyone already expects it of her, or specifically not hooking up because she wants to shake this reputation, or developing a thicker skin to deal with the rumors until it passes.  A man named Billy who, because of his tattoos, bears a passing reputation as an intimidating man will either try to soften his demeanor with strangers, own up to the image, or at least learn to expect judgment from strangers as a consequence.
  • Self-Image – Also relevant to a person’s behavior is the way they perceive themselves, which can often have little to do with their reputation.  A lot of self-image is based on definitive moments or phases in the past.  For instance: for several years after I started wearing contacts and cutting my hair, I still saw myself, in dreams at night, with long hair and glasses.  One of my friends, similarly, could not seem to notice when boys would flirt with her during sophomore year – because she still saw herself as an awkward middle schooler with braces, and not as the charming cheerleader with the great smile.
    Inversely, self-image can be inflated, causing character to behave as though they are funnier, smarter, or more prepared than they truly are (see: the rest of my sophomore acquaintances).  This can be an overlooked character flaw opportunity – or flawportunity…

Originally posted by alliefallie


Acquired Traits

Now we move on to the acquired traits of personality, which are the ones you’re more likely to find on a character sheet or a list of “10 Questions for Character Development”, alongside a million other things like their zodiac sign and their spirit animal.  But the traits I’m about to outline are a little more relevant to a character’s behavior, and more importantly, how to make this behavior unique from other characters’ behavior.  The following traits will be learned by your characters throughout their life (and their story), and are more likely to shift and grow with time:

  • Interests – I know, I had to reach deep down into my soul to think of this one.  But it’s true!  Interests, both in childhood/adolescence and in adulthood, are an important part of a character’s personality and lifestyle.  Childhood interests both reveal something about the character (for instance: my nephew loves trains, Legos, and building, suggesting a future interest in construction or engineering) and create values that can last for a lifetime.  Current interests affect career choice, social circles, and daily activity for everyone.  Forgotten or rejected interests can be the source of pet peeves, fears, or bad memories. There’s a reason I’ll never play with Polly Pockets again, and it 100% has to do with bloody fingertips and a purse that wouldn’t open.
  • Sense of Humor – This can be a little hard to define, understandably.  If you were to ask me what my sense of humor is, I’d probably start with a few stupid memes, pass by Drake & Josh on the way, and somehow wind up telling you bad puns or quoting Chelsea Peretti’s standup comedy. A person’s sense of humor can be complex and contradictory!  Sometimes we just laugh at stuff because someone said it in a funny way.  But anyway, to help you boil this down to something useful: take a look at a few kinds of comedy and relate it to your character’s maturity level.  Do they laugh when someone lets out a toot?  Are they the kind of person to mutter, “That’s what she said,” or simply try not to laugh when something sounds dirty?  Can puns make them crack a smile?  Do they like political humor?  Do cat videos kill them?  Is their humor particularly dark?  Can the mere sound of someone else laughing make them laugh?  Figure out where your character’s sense of humor is, and you’ll feel closer to them already.
  • Pet Peeves – For every interest a person may have, and everything that makes them laugh, there’s something else that can piss them off, large- or small-scale.  Are they finnicky about their living space and neatness? Do they require a lot of privacy? Do certain sounds or behaviors drive them crazy?  What qualities are intolerable in a romantic interest for them? What kind of comments or beliefs make them roll their eyes?  If you need help, just try imagining their worst enemy – someone whose every word or action elicits the best eye-rolls and sarcastic remarks and even a middle finger or two – and ask yourself, what about this person makes them that mortal enemy?  What behaviors or standards make them despicable to your character?  That’s all it takes.
  • Skills – Everybody has them, and they’re not just something we’re born with.  Skills can be natural talent, sure, but they’re also cultivated from time, values, and interests.  What is your character okay at?  What are they good at?  What are they fantastic at?  Maybe they can cook.  Maybe they have a beautiful eye for colors.  Maybe they have an inherent sense of right and wrong that others admire. Maybe they’re super-athletic or incredibly patient or sharp as a tack or sweet as a cupcake.  Maybe they know how to juggle, or maybe they’re secretly the most likely of all their friends to survive a zombie apocalypse.  Where do they shine?  What would make someone look at them and think, “Wow, I wish I were them right now”?
  • Desires – A good way to “separate” one character from the next is to define what it is they want, and then use every other detail to dictate how they pursue that goal.  Every real person has a desire, whether they’ve defined it or not – whether it’s something huge, like fame or a family of five with triplet girls and a beach house on an island, or something small, like good grades for the semester.  These desires can cause a person to revise their values or forsake their morals; and these desires can conflict with other people’s desires, influencing how people interact with each other.  Remember that every character is living their own story, even if it’s not the story you’re telling.
  • Communication Style – A majorly overlooked character trait in pop fiction is unique communication styles.  Having every character feel comfortable arguing, or bursting out with the words, “I love you,” is unrealistic.  Having every character feel paralyzed at the idea of confronting a bully or being honest to their spouse is also unrealistic.  There should be a healthy mix of communicators in a group of characters. Some people are too softspoken to mouth off at their racist lab partner.  Some people wouldn’t see their girlfriend kissing another guy and just walk away without saying something.  Some people just don’t react to conflict by raising their voice; some people enjoy sharing their opinions or giving the correct answer in class.  Boldness, social skills, and emotional health all have a part to play in how people communicate their thoughts – so keep this in mind to create a more realistic, consistent character.
  • Emotional Expression – Along the same lines but not the same, emotional expression is more focal on feelings than thoughts.  If you’ve ever heard of the fight-or-flight response, the different types of anger, the stages of grief, or the five love languages, then you’re aware of different “classifications” of emotional expression and management.  Read up on some of those things, and think about how your character handles emotions like happiness, sadness, fear, anger, loneliness, paranoia, and so forth.

Detrimental Traits

While acquired traits are certainly more enjoyable to brainstorm during the creation process, detrimental traits are as important – or even more important – to the character’s wholeness as well as their role in the story.  Not only do these negative or limiting traits make your character realistic, relatable, and conflicted – they create a need for other characters and their strengths to move the plot forward.  A few examples of detrimental traits include:

  • Flaws – Character flaws are probably the first thing that came to your mind while reading this, but they’re the essence of the category.  Flaws in a character’s personality, morality, or behavior can be a source of character development; they set an individual on their own path and provide a unique motivation for them.  Having Character A struggle with sobriety while Character B learns to be a more patient mother can do a lot to separate their stories and personalities from each other.  Even if certain flaws don’t reach a point of growth, they create a third aspect to personality and force us, as writers, to be more creative with how our characters get from Point A to Point B, and what they screw up along the way.
  • Fears – Everyone has fears, whether we’re conscious of them or not – and I’m not talking about phobias or “things that give you shivers”.  Just like everyone has a primary motivation throughout life (romance, family, success, meaning, peace of mind, etc.), everyone has a fear behind that motivation (loneliness, failure, emptiness, anxiety).  We all have something we don’t want to happen places we never want to be and things we never want to do.  We’ve all been in situations that mildly bothered others but wildly affected us at the same time.  For me, it’s a lack of autonomy, or in any way being forced to do something or be somewhere against my will.
    What does this mean for me?  It means that when other people have nightmares about being chased by an axe murderer, I have nightmares about being kidnapped and locked up.  It means that I’m continually aware of my “escape plan” if something goes wrong in my living situation, and I’m hypersensitive to someone telling me, “You have to do this.”  It means I struggle to follow rules and usually don’t get along with authority figures because I have to assert my independence to them.  It’s irrational and continual and doesn’t just affect me in one situation; it subconsciously directs my steps if I let it.  That’s how real, guttural fears work. Phobias are only skin deep, and they don’t make you feel any closer to the character.

Originally posted by giantmonster

  • Secrets – Even goody two-shoes Amber from the swim team, with her blonde blonde hair and her good good grades, has a secret.  Everybody does, even if it’s not a purposeful, “I have a deep, dark secret,” sort of secret. We have things we don’t tell people, just because they’re embarrassing, or painful, or too deep to get into, or they don’t paint us in a good light.  While the secrets themselves tell a lot about a person, so do the reasons a person keeps a secret.  Hiding something out of shame suggests a person is prideful, or critical of themselves, or holds themselves to a higher standard than they hold others.  Hiding something painful suggests that the person struggles to handle sadness or regret, or that they feel uncomfortable showing raw emotion in front of loved ones. And so on and so forth.
  • Conflict – Whether internal, interpersonal, legal, moral, societal, or what have you, conflict will limit your character’s actions at every turn.  A story is nothing without conflict driving the plot in different directions and causing your character to rethink both their plans and their lifestyle.  Without Katniss’s moral conflict over killing other tributes, The Hunger Games would be the story of a girl who entered an arena, killed a lot of people, and lived the rest of her life rich and comfortable.  If Luke Skywalker didn’t have interpersonal conflict with Darth Vader, Star Wars would be the war-story of a guy who joined a rebellion and then… yeah.
  • Health – Physical, mental, and emotional health is a huge limiting factor for characters that often goes untouched, but it’s valuable nonetheless.  Not everyone has a clean bill of health and can jump off trains without pulling a muscle, go through a traumatic life experience without any hint of depression or anxiety, or watch a loved one die in gunfire and shove right on without emotional repercussions. Consider creating a character who’s not perfect – who isn’t perfectly in-shape or abled, or neurotypical or stable day-to-day, or completely clean and clear of residual heartache, unhealthy relationships, or bad emotional habits.  Don’t define them by these traits, of course – but don’t feel that you can’t write a character with health issues without writing a “sick character.”

So this post got ridiculously long, but I hope it works as a reference for you when creating unique characters.  Remember that you don’t need to outline all of this information to create an individual, realistic character.  These are just some relevant ideas to get you started!  It’s up to you, as the writer, to decide what’s necessary and what’s excessive for your creative process.

Still, I hope a majority of this is helpful to you!  If you have any more questions, be sure to send them in and we’ll get back to you :)  Good luck!

- Mod Joanna ♥️


If you need advice on general writing or fanfiction, you should maybe ask us!

anonymous asked:

i know you meant well when you said 30 isnt ancient, but im nb so my life expectancy is actually 30 :(

Hey anon, I’m so sorry that that’s a fear you’ve had to live with. I know that trans people are at greater risk of violence and suicide, and I’ve heard people say many times that the life expectancy of trans people (or trans women, or trans women of color, depending on who you ask) is anywhere from 23 to 35. Your ask troubled me, so I’ve dug deep looking for solid evidence of any of these, and I don’t believe that these statistics are true.

A trans woman, Helen, looked into the “23 years” claim and traced it back to someone’s notes on two workshops at a 2007 conference, which stated that trans people’s life expectancy is “believed to be around 23” (emphasis mine) but cites no actual source. This claim has been presented as fact in many news articles since then, but as far as I can tell, no one seems to know where this figure came from.

Another claim is often sourced to an Argentine psychologist quoted in this NPR article

Psychologist Graciela Balestra, who works closely with the transgender community, says it’s an especially vulnerable population.

“Transgender people have an average life expectancy of about 30 to 32 years,” Balestra says. “They don’t live any longer; I think that statistic alone says so much.”

But again, the article gives no source for this figure

I found an article claiming that a 2014 report by the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights (IACHR) “concludes the average life expectancy of trans people in the Western Hemisphere is between 30-35 years.” However, when I tracked down the report, An Overview of Violence Against LGBTI Persons (pdf), its only reference to this is (emphasis mine): “[T]he IACHR has received information that the life expectancy of trans women in the Americas is between 30 and 35 years of age.” Again, this is no source.

Someone said on my post that these statistics may have come from the NCTE/NGLTF report Injustice at Every Turn (pdf), but I can’t find any reference to any such claim in the report.

Thinking about these claims, they seem unlikely for some basic reasons. Consider that we simply don’t have a long enough span of data on trans people, and that what data we do have is extremely limited because we can’t always know who is trans and who isn’t. Consider also that, although obviously the murder rates for trans people are extremely high, the number of deaths of 20-something trans people would have to be ENORMOUS to offset the existence of older trans people and bring the average down to 30. Especially since, unlike with racial groups for example, the data on trans people would likely include almost no childhood deaths, simply because it would be much more difficult (and in many cases impossible) to identify these children as trans. And since we know that trans women of color are extremely disproportionately affected by violence, statistics that include white people and/or trans men would be especially unlikely to be so low.

And as to your specific situation anon, again given that trans women of color are most at risk, I don’t think we have reason to believe that being non-binary specifically puts a person at anywhere near this level of increased risk of dying young.

I don’t say any of this to question anyone’s experiences or to deny the state of emergency that trans women face with regard to violence. That is very real. But I think it can be harmful, even dangerous to trans people to spread claims like this around, especially without evidence. Expecting to die by 30 would take an extreme emotional toll on anyone, and trans people deserve better.

But don’t take my word for it: FORGE, a national transgender anti-violence organization that works with trans survivors of sexual assault, wrote the following in its 2016 publication “First Do No Harm: 8 Tips for Addressing Violence Against Transgender and Gender Non-Binary People” (pdf) (I have moved two footnotes into the main text and provided links to some endnote sources; italicized emphasis is theirs while bold is mine.): 

Promote Hope for the Future

It certainly is not the same as a murder, but publicizing a low “life expectancy” rate for transwomen of color is another way to steal away their future, a “crime” that has been committed repeatedly by trans, LGBQ, and mainstream press. Think about the people you know or have heard of who have been diagnosed with a fatal illness and given a short time to live: how many of them have enrolled in college, undertaken lengthy training for a new occupation, had a new child, or tried to establish a new non-profit? A few do, certainly, but many more focus on their bucket list, arrange for their good-byes, or simply give up entirely, essentially relinquishing whatever time they have left to depression and regrets. When we tell transwomen of color they cannot expect to live very long, we rob them of hope. We rob them of any motivation to invest in themselves, their relationships, and their communities. We rob them, in short, of their lives even while they are still living. (This statement in no way negates the need to systemically work to improve and increase the life expectancy of trans people through working to end transphobia, racism, poverty, pervasive violence, and health and healthcare inequities, and more.)

One trans woman of color was trying to come to grips with an estimated lifespan figure more than ten years shorter than the one that has been published most often. (We are not repeating any of the (incorrect) estimated lifetime figures that are circulating, to avoid even inadvertent reinforcement.) Faced with the report of yet another attack on another trans woman, she wrote:

These days, I look at the latest reports of stabbed, shot, beaten trans women, search myself for tears, and I cannot find a thing. I want to mourn and rage. I want to honor all of our sisters — the hundreds each year who are ripped, namelessly and without fanfare, from this life — who are taken so young before their time. But the grief and anger — even empathy — do not come. I don’t feel anything but numbness and fatigue, and somewhere far below that, fear.

The terrible irony of the life expectancy “fact” is that it is based on an impossibility. The only ways to determine a given population’s life expectancy are to: examine decades or more of death certificates or census data containing the information being studied, or follow a specific set of individuals for around 100 years and record every single death. There is not and never has been a census of transgender people. Our death certificates do not mark us as transgender. There has been no 100-year-long study of a representative group of trans people. So where are the estimated lifespan figures coming from?

FORGE tracked the most commonly-cited figure back to what was most likely the 2014 Philadelphia Transgender Health Conference, where a workshop presenter gave the figure and explained she had calculated it by averaging the age of death for all of those listed on the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) website. This means the figure is actually the average age of those trans people who were both murdered and came to the attention of someone who added them to the TDOR list. Interestingly, this average is very close to the average age of everyone who is murdered in the U.S., according to the U.S. Department of Justice statistics. [I’m not seeing an average age given in the cited source but you can see on page 5 of this Bureau of Justice Statistics report (pdf) that the average age of homicide victims in the U.S. was between 30 and 35 from 1980 to 2008.]

But not everyone is murdered.

Despite how many there may appear to be, only a tiny, tiny fraction of transpeople are killed by other people. Most of us, transwomen of color included, live average lifespans and die of the most common U.S. killers — heart disease, cancer, chronic lower respiratory disease, and unintentional injuries (accidents).

Please don’t add to fear and hopelessness by spreading inaccurate and profoundly disempowering data.

Since I can’t respond to everyone directly, I’m @ing some people who’ve brought this up on my post and may be interested: (urls removed after posting for their privacy). I appreciate your thoughtfulness in bringing this to my attention. If you or anyone else has a source on any of these figures that can provide specific methodology, I’d be very grateful to see that.

In closing, here are some resources that provide a more hopeful view of trans aging. They are well known but I hope they will be helpful to someone.

anonymous asked:

you „stan“ a manipulative, white supremacist, barely talented, unbelievably rich cow with terrible hair and godawful dance moves. there are so many other great artists, that make music with actual value and finesse, maybe consider „stanning“ someone like that for a change instead of some odd persona a record label is spoonfeeding you : )

*clears throat*

Dear anon, before starting throwing shade at us and Taylor herself, I think that you should check your sources and “facts” first, sit down and read this.

If this person is, I quote, “manipulative” and “a white supremacist”, then I would very much like to take a look at your sources and proof so that we can discuss about it although I have a feeling that most of your “proof” comes from teen magazines or from unreliable sources. I don’t know if you have looked up the definition of white supremacy before, but I will give it to you now: “White supremacy is a racist ideology based upon the belief that white people are superior in many ways to people of other races and that therefore white people should be dominant over other races.” Now, I don’t know how you can qualify Taylor as a white supremacist when she has many friends such as Uzo Aduba (with whom she performed at the 1989 World Tour) and Todrick Hall (who is also starring in her Look What You Made Me Do music video). Moving on, you may call her what you want and you may use terms such as “manipulative” or “unbelievably rich”, but here are some facts about her that you might have skipped:

• she might be rich, but she doesn’t keep the money to herself. In 2015, during Christmas, or as we like to call it, Swiftmas, she sent packages full of gifts to fans around the world. One of these fans was missing a certain amount of money for college, and since Taylor was aware of that, she sent her $1,989 including a lot of other gifts (I used this as a source because I couldn’t find the Tumblr post but y’all can help me later when I post this) (x)

• she has donated an endless amount of money to fans with illnesses, to organizations, visited them at hospitals, and even wrote an eponymous song called “Ronan” for a 4-year old that passed away because of cancer (just google the name of the song and “taylor swift hospital” and you’ll see)

• she gave a certain amount of money and dropped at a hotel a fan who had missed her bus after her concert

• she invites fans TO HER HOME and tells us secrets, bakes for us, stalks us on social media, knows more things about us than ourselves, and is genuinely happy to see us, AND SHE GIVES US THE BIGGEST AND BEST HUG OF OUR LIVES AND SHE DOESN’T LET YOU GO UNTIL YOU LET GO and the conversation between you two flows perfectly because it feels like you’re talking to your long-lost sister and you have so much to talk about (and I and other secret sessioners are the source for this and if you have any questions or you’re don’t believe us you are free to ask politely)

• if you take a look closer, all Taylor never even once ever started the drama. Don’t you think that it’s odd that people keep throwing shade at her for no valid reason when they could actually throw shade at Donald Trump because all he can say is “tremendous”?

• she knows so many things about us it’s insane. She likes our posts daily and interacts with us, even with some emojis, because she knows that it could make a person’s day, week, month, year, or maybe even your entire life. At award shows or any other public event, she doesn’t miss on the opportunity and surprises fans. Do you know any other celebrity who loves their fans so much that they travel to the other side of the world for them, help them financially, send them gifts, spends HOURS with them on social media and tries to meet as many of us as possible?

• she recently met a girl at a secret session who had possibly a miscarriage, and not only did Taylor make her laugh and made her feel better, but the next day, she received an e-mail from Taylor’s team with a specialized doctor’s address. When she asked how much she had to pay them, they replied that everything had already been covered (x)

I would have written more about this but unfortunately I’m running out of time, so I will let our TS defense squad to keep giving you reliable information.

I would like to formally announce you that whatever you may have heard about her is absolutely absurd, no matter where you found the information, or whether you think it’s true.

Also, her hair is so beautiful and I will defeat you if you dare to fight me on this, and who cares about her dance moves?????? Because if your definition of a good artist includes having nice hair and good dance moves then I think that we have a very different illustration of what talent is. I really think that you should listen to her album “Red” and then I’d like to see if you can write such lyrics and if you can represent feelings through instrumentals. You probably have no idea that she has been rewarded so many times throughout her career because of her talent, and she is one of the most awarded celebrities nowadays, yet she is only 27.

I would like to finish this before I go in class with a clarification. You see, I chose Taylor not only for her music, but also for who she is. She has been there for me when I most needed her, and she never failed to bring a smile to my lips in my darkest times. You have here an entire fandom that would agree with me and would gladly tell you specific reasons why everything she does is important to us and why she is so special. Because Taylor isn’t only a celebrity. She’s the person we’ve looked up to in the past few years. She’s our Aunt Becky. She’s our life savior, for many. She’s our ray of sunshine. But most importantly, she’s our best friend. And we have a relationship based on trust, love, and respect, and in all honesty, I think that it’s beautiful.

Lip Sync Battle: Tom Holland

Word Count: 964

Warning(s): None

Pairing: Tom Holland x reader

Request: Hey, I was wondering if you could write a tomxreader imagine where they compete in lip sync battle? I just haven’t seen any fics about lsb and was hoping you could write one? Thanks 😋

A/N: This is the first of the two Lip Sync Battle requests I’ve gotten. And for a second I thought of combining them, but decided not to because I was being greedy and wanted to write two lip sync battles.

Note: My lovely anon didn’t give me much to work off of. So basically, instead of Zendaya performing, it’s the reader, and Tom and the reader are already a thing. So it’s a boyfriend vs girlfriend kinda thing.


“All right, that raps up the final rehearsal. You’ve really got this down, Y/N.” The choreographer said as she gave Y/N a high five.

“I really want to kick Tom’s ass out there.” Y/N laughed as she walked over to Zendaya who was on the bench in the back of the studio. Zendaya and Y/N had met on set and just instantly clicked. They had so much in common, and sson after become very close friends. Y/N trusted Zendaya with her life, and Zendaya trusted Y/N with hers.

Y/N took a seat by Zendaya and drank some of her water. “Huh, look what lover boy sent you.” Zendaya handed Y/N her phone with a chuckle. Y/N opened the text and found a video waiting for her. She pressed the play button and payed close attention to what Tom was saying.

“Hey, love. Just thought I’d send you a good luck video, instead of a text… because you’re gonna need it. And even if I still kick your arse, just know, I’ll always love you.” He said as he put his hand over his heart dramatically. Y/N let out a hearty laugh and so did Zendaya.

“He’s too much.” Y/N laughed.

“Well, at least you know no matter what, ‘I’ll always love you.’“ Zendaya quoted before Y/N nudged her gently. “Your man is hella dramatic.” Zendaya added as she picked up her own phone.

“Believe me, I know.” Y/N jested.


Y/N felt very confident in her chances of winning the battle after round one. Y/N had given quite the show, and maybe sprinkled a little of her sass on the first round. Tom’s round one had been great, especially the stage dive, but Y/N felt like she’d won the first round, but now it was time for the second round.

She got into position and before she knew it the song was starting. The number went by a lot faster than she thought. Once she had gone over the pop and lock, she felt a little relief, but she felt the most relief when the number was truly over. She hadn’t missed a single beat, and she felt very proud of herself. She walked off the stage and back towards Zendaya.

“Yay, congrats, you didn’t fuck up.” Zendaya said as she hugged her best friend.

“Oh, shut up.” Y/N laughed as they pulled away.

“Okay, now let’s see what little Holland has up his sleeve.” Zendaya commented as they watched from their spot at the back of the stage. The familiar tune of singing in the rain began to play and Tom danced out. When he said she would need the luck, Y/N thought he had something grand planned, but Singing in the Rain? Really? And then he disappeared behind the wall of umbrellas.

The music changed, and Tom walked out from behind the wall of umbrellas dressed as Rihanna, and an umbrella in his hand. Y/N’s jaw dropped as she put her hand on her head.

“Oh my God.” Y/N laughed. Zendaya doubled over in laughter at the sight before them. And just when they thought it couldn’t possibly get any  better, the “rain” began to fall and Y/N knew, she’d lost the battle to her boyfriend. Y/N practically screamed as Tom ended his number on his back. For a moment she worried he’d injured himself, but soon after realized he probably hadn’t. 


“That was seriously the most stressful thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Tom laughed as he intertwined his hands with Y/N’s as they walked to the car.

“Yeah, but you won. So the stress was well worth it. I gotta say, you really had me shook. I mean seriously. I was incredibly shocked at your moves. Hell, I had no idea you could even dance like that. What the hell? And that video you sent me this morning? Very nice touch.” Y/N mused as Tom unlocked the car and as they both climbed in.

“So you agree then, I won fair and square?” To. asked his girlfriend as he turned the car on. Y/N knew exactly what he was doing.

“I know what you’re doing, Holland. You’re not slick. But yes, I do agree, you did win fair and square. And for making admit that, I get to pick the songs all the way back to the apartment.” Y/N said slyly.

Tom let out a dramatic gasp. “Did you really just admit to my win? I’m-I’m honeslty shocked.”

“If you don’t…” Y/N nudged Tom as she searched for a specific song to play. She let a coy smile onto her lips as the intro played.

“Aww, really, Y/N?” Tom practically whined. “Of all the songs?”

Y/N rolled down the window of the car and turned the music Tom had danced to about an hour ago up.

“Oh really, Tom.” Y/N teased before she began to shout the lyrics.


A/N: Hey hey y’all. I am literally so so sorry this sucked. Like I couldn’t be more sorry. I’ve been really busy and had to push the release dates a day back because of personal reasons. Please forgive me. <3 <3

anonymous asked:

In the interview in wich grrm talks about the unkiss , he says it is to prepare the stage for a more important memory gap what was he refering to ?

The relevant quotes: 

“Well, not every inconsistency is a mistake, actually. Some are quite intentional. File this one under “unreliable narrator” and feel free to ponder its meaning…” (The Citadel, So Spake Martin, Sansa’s memory)

“The Lion’s Paw / Lion’s Tooth business, on the other hand, is intentional. A small touch of the unreliable narrator. I was trying to establish that the memories of my viewpoint characters are not infallible. Sansa is simply remembering it wrong. A very minor thing (you are the only one to catch it to date), but it was meant to set the stage for a much more important lapse in memory. You will see, in A STORM OF SWORDS and later volumes, that Sansa remembers the Hound kissing her the night he came to her bedroom… but if you look at the scene, he never does. That will eventually mean something, but just now it’s a subtle touch, something most of the readers may not even pick up on. (The Citadel, So Spake Martin, SF, Targaryens, Valyria, Sansa, Martells, and more)

Note that George has Sansa mixed up with Arya in the second quote, because it’s Arya, and not Sansa, who misemembers the name of Joffrey’s sword. So George, too, is an unreliable narrator!

All joking aside, it’s clear that with the Unkiss and with other instances (such as Sansa not remembering correctly the events of the Trident), Martin is trying to establish Sansa as a particularly unreliable narrator: her mind tends to rewrite reality to make it fit into familiar patterns, the ones she learned from the songs, where knights steal kisses from their ladies rather than threatening them with a dagger, pretty princes generally tend to be good and villains are always easy to identify. And if there’s something that deeply unsettles her, and that she isn’t ready to deal with yet, it gets swept under the rug… until either she is ready, or reality hits her like a ton of bricks (which happened with Joffrey and Cersei). 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I am a bit new so my opinion isn't 100% firm about harry and Louis relationship yet and the biggest thing that makes me ??? is that I don't understand how it is possible that there is such a difference between their situation.. do you have any idea why Harry is able to seems detach from all the mess and not Louis? How is that possible? That one seems incredibly stuck in the worst stunts ever and the other one is pursuing his career free of all of that? Thank you :)

Hi anon,

Sorry– I forgot about this ask for a few days.

I guess your question might have been prompted by Harry’s appearance in NYC last week, with Jeff Azoff. He was rumored to be meeting with Columbia records re: his solo album.

The next day, The Daily Mail in the U.K. published an article stating as much, contrasting Harry’s beatific airport pap photos (and photos with stalkers) to Louis’s disastrous LAX arrest. Unsubstantiated slander of “woman-hitting,” emotionally volatile Louis was reiterated in this article. He was again painted as an unreliable father. All stories we’ve read before from U.K. tabloids associated with the Bauer Group, with ties to Simon Cowell.

Read more about this connection here:
http://bulletproofhalo.tumblr.com/post/158537313651/our-old-friend-bauer-media-group

I guess my line of answering is:

Harry hasn’t done anything to encourage this line of thinking. He literally has not given any statement on it. He has not given a statement about his solo album, either. It’s not because he is being coy–because he clearly is getting some blowback from fans about why he hasn’t said anything. Fans are curious and impatient. His image has suffered too.

And making a public statement, in the general public’s eyes, would only improve his image and increase his visibility. It benefits Harry to make a statement.

So why hasn’t he?

Why haven’t his managers at Full Stop? Why don’t they address industry rumors? Why are there so many leaks coming from Sony, including statements by Rob Stringer, while Harry’s team has said nothing? What is Sony’s objective in publicizing Harry if Harry does not confirm?

Alternatively, why has Louis’s team said nothing to refute his public image?

These allegations are clearly slanderous. Louis has not been tried in a court of law. No one has given sworn testimony. His arraignment date has not come to pass. Emotional states are purely speculative. No official statements have come from anyone quoted in the article. His image has suffered from false allegations (U.K. And U.S.A.).

So where is his team?

And, why are these two always tied? If they have been enemies for three or four years, why keep writing articles linking them?

They’ve been on hiatus for 15 months. If they really disliked each other so much, they should already have deleted each other from phone contacts, SM, etc. Why keep in touch with your enemy? I don’t store the contact information of people who hate me, anon, do you?

Their airport sightings literally HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER. They aren’t even on the same side of the country. What is the purpose of linking them?

If I knew nothing about One Direction, I would experience a cognitive dissonance from the way the article swerved so awkwardly from “angelic Harry” to “devilish Louis.” The purpose seems so transparent, it’s embarrassing.

Except for one glaring fact.

They DON’T hate each other.

The band united to support Louis during his X Factor performance.

They came together as one band to accept their Brits for best video 2016. @srslycris and @lawyerlarrie
have great posts about this.

They tweeted in unity to wish Harry a happy 23rd birthday.

As Harry’s has said, “Draw what you see.”

1. There are restrictions on their public statements.
2. The images are being manipulated.
3. Their relationship with each other is good.
4. None of the four remaining 1D band members have been allowed to be specific about their solo projects.
5. Louis has been photographed to write with songwriters from Warner Chapel. He may very well have a solo album in the works. They are all working hard.
6. They are fighting a silent, bts, very ugly and drawn-out fight.
7. Recording labels have a history of screwing artists over.

Believe in our boys. They are the same good people you fell in love with. They haven’t suddenly been blinded by fame. They want to make music for us, and they have been working toward that. Every event and every article doesn’t need to be dissected for whether Harry is defending Louis. Trust them.

The people manipulating their image want us to have doubts, to fight within the fandom. Not only that, they are trying to divide the band members themselves. For years, the boys have had psychological manipulation in the guise of “protecting the 1D brand,” down to the way they move, talk, dress, look at each other, answer certain questions. Zayn’s recent article in NY Times Sunday stated he had anxiety when he was in 1D. He had an eating disorder because he wanted “to have control over one thing.” Is that really a surprise?

It’s infuriating, what’s happening to Louis right now. But it’s temporary. It’s going to end. This abuse has an end clause. Art is long– Louis is young and he’s going to fight it, with the support of his boys.

Sorry I went off in such a tangent, but I wish we could see past these media games, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Let’s be smart in evaluating the data, and not be so easily manipulated.

Sea

To the Anon(s) who sent this: first of all, if you are different Anons, then Anon #2, people are allowed to romance who they like and just because you think she looks ‘dopey’ doesn’t mean they shouldn’t enjoy her character. I think Quinn looks great, even though her hair design makes no sense, what is going on back there?

If, however, you are the same anon, first of all, you need to learn the difference between controversial and racist. I’m not sure why you sent me that ask, unless you wanted to because you knew how much I love Sean. He’s on my wallpaper on mobile, I post about him 24/7, and I hosted an Appreciation Week for him not too long ago. Maybe you were looking for a reason to send something like this. Well. Here’s my answer.

This ask above is racist and crude and awful, and here are six points about it:

  1. First, a disclaimer. I am white, I have never experienced oppression based on my race and I do not and can not and should not speak for the black community.
  2. This is disgusting. How dare you propagate racist ideas and language against one of the black characters in this fandom, especially one of the few canon black LI’s. This action you have taken is the lowest form of humanity. 
  3. The writers of Endless Summer listened to us when we said we’d like to spend a more even amount of time with the LI’s in Book 2, and we’ve gotten a much more even balance between Sean, Jake, Quinn, and Estela. However, Jake still has more content than any of the other LI’s, and has upgraded in the relationship between himself and MC faster than the other LI’s. This means that the balance is tipped in Jake shipper’s favors. This means no one has denied you anything that was rightfully yours.
  4. This is actually a very good way for me to say that I’ve noticed people in this fandom saying that they dislike James, Sean, or Mr. Sloan or the black version of the Prince in particular because, and I quote a few of you, “I prefer to date my own race.” That is racist and crude.
  5. Block me. Block me right now if you are the anon that sent this first ask, and reconsider your views on this situation. I do not ever want to associate with you in any way shape or form.
  6. Dear Wider Choices fandom, please be aware that when people call you out and say ‘That’s racist”, “That’s homophobic”, “That’s misogynistic”, that they are most likely right. Take a few steps back and evaluate what happened. Saying “I can’t be racist/homophobic/misogynistic because I have black/gay/female friends” is not an excuse. Please be aware that when people say they’ve noticed problematic behavior in the fandom, they are not making things up. They are not fabricating it, and it is real and it should be dealt with.

I love this fandom, I love it so much that it’s hard for me to describe. This fandom has been the rebirth of my creativity and my adoration and enjoyment of wider media. I’ve made great friends here and been exposed to wider views and parts of the world. Please be aware that our fandom does not exist in a vacuum, and please be aware of what you’re writing and saying and more specifically, doing. Please be kind and please erase this kind of hatred. We’re better than this by so much, so. Love Trumps Hate.

Originally posted by graceshelbigs

anonymous asked:

You don't need to respond I just needed to say a thing. I find it a little childish for so many people to assume that dan will/should come out. As far as I've read into it I feel like he's "come out" as much as he ever will. He's talked about attraction to all genders. I feel that he's made it clear that his sexuality is what it is and he's going to be attracts to someone no matter the gender. People think he needs to make a video about being bi/pan but really he's made clear that he's existing.

the question i receive more than any other on this blog is some variation of “when/how do you think dnp will come out/tell us about their sexualities or their relationship?” and i’ve never answered it. for a number of reasons, but primarily because so many people in this space operate under such a specific definition of what coming out means and what it should entail. i’m wary, always, of subscribing to a uniform standard for what queerness looks like and how it needs to present itself in order to be taken seriously or treated as valid, and i think the discourse and speculation and constant obsession about dnp’s potential future coming out process does exactly that. in my view the culture around coming out as it exists right now is a relic of cultural norms in which queerness was differentiated and encoded into law and language and social thought as explicitly and intrinsically Other. the socialized obligation to not only categorize and label one’s sexual/romantic preferences but then to announce them to the world at large is only cast on queer people specifically because, unless announced otherwise, society’s working assumption of a person is that they are cis/straight. queer people need to tell the world they are queer precisely because it is different, because it is a deviation from a socially enforced “norm,” and the term “coming out” itself denotes that someone was once hiding themselves and now they aren’t.

for some people (many people) labeling and coming out make a lot of sense. we’re not in a post-heteronormative world. the stark reality is that people DO operate with ingrained cis- and heteronormative frames of thought and it can be tiring to deal with people always making assumptions of your preferences that don’t fit who you are and what you like. labeling your preferences and making sure people know them is a way to avoid those mistaken assumptions. it’s also a way to find other people like you, to ally yourself with a community that is still so marginalized and oppressed in myriad ways, and join in the movement and the fight and take pride in an aspect of yourself that many people would try to deride or malign. but an alternate school of thought is that the gender you prefer having sex with or that you fall in love with is no more a part of your identity that merits announcement and discussion than, say, your preference for masturbating three times a week or your preference for only having sex in the missionary position or any other personal detail about what you do w your genitals in the privacy of your bedroom. it doesn’t have to have a bearing on identity in the most nuclear and concentrated sense of the word, it doesn’t HAVE to be labeled and addressed in a way that automatically reduces and categorizes it and neatly packages it as an object for the public to talk about and weigh in on. the notion of labeling your sexuality and then “coming out” is a construct in the most literal sense, and for some people, who perhaps don’t feel the need to correct everyone’s heteronormative assumptions of them, or who don’t feel the need to find other people with non-hetero preferences, or who think the reality of the life they live since they blatantly/openly share it w someone of their same gender is already pretty suggestive of their preferences, coming out widely and publicly isn’t a priority or a necessity (and in some cases can obviously also be a discomforting, stressful, scary, or even dangerous prospect!!!) for literally thousands of possible reasons.

we can guess that dnp align themselves more closely to this latter outlook. in both of the recent times that dan has discussed sexuality explicitly he talks about not wanting to label it for a public audience. in his diss track he directly addresses his own comments about attraction to more than one gender (j law –> evan p), and then says that it’s hard to put him in a box because he keeps “it” (his sexuality) so blurry. he’s bluntly saying that he doesn’t want to be categorized. in an interview with the sunday times in late 2015 promoting tabinof, the interviewer directly asks dan if he’s gay. dan references tom hardy’s answer to the same question and says that he and phil do not believe that their sexual preferences are something the public has any business knowing–he then delineates the purpose of their role as public figures. they are entertainers and what they seek to offer their public audience is the content they make. that’s it. looking to tom hardy’s actual quote sheds even more light: “I’m under no obligation to share anything to do with my family, my children, my sexuality — that’s nobody’s business but my own…It’s important destigmatizing sexuality and gender inequality in the workplace, but to put a man on the spot in a room full of people designed purely for a salacious reaction? To be quite frank, it’s rude. If [someone] had said that to me in the street, I’d have said the same thing back: ‘I’m sorry, who the fuck are you?’”

as far back as 2009, both dnp were talking about attraction to men and following it with the refrain that they don’t like labels. and that is VALID. it’s transgressive, even, to take a look at all the heteronormativity out there, all of the assumptions that people make about sex and gender and everything else, all of the demand that straights place on queer people to announce their otherness as loudly as possible and categorize themselves as being different, and then to say no, reject all of that pressure, and turn your back on it. refuse to comply with everyone’s expectations and just be happy in liking what you like and loving who you love. just existing, as anon put it so beautifully.

but if a queer person chooses this outlook, chooses to shirk labels and a formal/public statement of their preferences, the default assumption SHOULD NOT be straight. heterosexuality shouldn’t be an assumed sexuality for anyone, regardless of the statements they may or may not have made, but it especially should not be the assumption for two men who did publicly label at one point as bisexual, and who have repeatedly voiced attraction to men. in an attempt to move towards a society that doesn’t make assumptions at all, a world in which coming out is completely obsolete and unnecessary and people stopped giving so much of a fuck about the genders people have sex with, it’s on all of us to change the way that we think about sexuality and unlearn our own biased thought. the burden shouldn’t fall on dnp to correct our thought or go out of their way to tell us that they fuck or that they’re in love–doesn’t that cheapen everything that they are? doesn’t that demand something of them that they’ve said over and over they do not want to give? and haven’t they done enough to tell us about how they experience attraction? it’s on all of us to take those comments seriously and to validate and acknowledge their experiences as they relay them to us, and to contextualize them in the complex textures and nuances of who they are as people.

who they are and what they’ve already chosen to share with us is pretty damn radical in itself: they’re two boys who have shared and built a life together for nearly eight years and who rely on each other on so many levels. they’re two boys who speak of the love and respect they have for each other in numerous ways, perhaps without stating those words specifically, but making it clear through actions and stories of their time together instead. they’re two boys who don’t know how to be without each other, who don’t merely coexist and work together but who have consciously interwoven their lives to the point that all of their experiences are shaped with and through each other. the argument can be made that they’re “out” in the sense of not hiding who they are from us, in the sense that both of them, and dan especially, have taken conscious measures to talk about how much they like boys. the argument can equally be made that they still hide to some degree–they won’t hold hands or hug, they’ll separate beds if they’re showing us the inside of their hotel room, they’ll not say the words i love you in front of us. but to me none of that even incrementally eclipses the glowing reality and warmth of the life they share–it’s as much info as i think they will ever feel okay giving us and it’s more than enough, for me at least, to look to them as models of deepest mutual love and respect (yes between two men!!) and of the comfort that can arise when you find someone to just exist with, outside world and their asks of you be damned

anonymous asked:

You know how Chuck reacted to meeting the winchesters? What if he did accidentally create them? Like, he started writing his books to distract himself and, being god, the characters became real?

Basically, I love this idea. 

When season 11 revealed that Amara was Chuck’s sister, it changed things in the show. BIG things. Like, the whole entire shows mytharc since day one things.

I’m actually not exaggerating here, hear me out please.

Okay, so what do we know about the “Winchester Gospels”? They were written to record the end times and the roles that Sam and Dean Winchester were supposed to play. Sam and Dean are the tragic siblings, manufactured by the angels to be the perfect vessels because they are in themselves mirrors for Michael and Lucifer on earth. The show spells it out for us thanks to Gabriel: “why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy’s plan. You were born to this, boys. It’s your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other.”

So Dean is supposed to kill Sam as Michael killed Lucifer, one must destroy the other, the older sibling destroys the younger sibling for the sake of the world. That is what Chuck was writing about, Sam and Dean and their destiny in the apocalypse.

Now, Sam and Dean may have ripped up the ending, but that wasn’t the whole story, because Chuck has his own part in this giant mirror of a mirror. Because Michael and Lucifer weren’t even the original story. Chuck and Amara were.

Before creation, Chuck and Amara were siblings in chaos, I dunno if I imagined this or not but I am pretty sure that Amara calls Chuck her ‘big brother’ implying she is the younger sibling but I am not entirely sure on that so don’t quote me here. Nevertheless, we have two siblings, and in order to create the universe, one destroys the other. Chuck chooses creation over Amara, thus starting a millennia long series of events ending in Sam and Dean fighting it out on that day in Stull Cemetery. 

Why therefore did Chuck hide away during the apocalypse? Why didn’t he reveal himself? Because he was ashamed at what he had done to his sister. Because the whole apocalyptic mess was his fault because of his guilt at choosing everything over her. So what does he do instead of fixing things? He writes. 

Chuck wrote Dean Winchester to be himself. Dean is Chuck’s “Mary Sue”. (yes I damn well used that term.) And Sam? Sam is the sibling he gave up for the universe.

So when Chuck poured all of his love and guilt and sorrow over his sister into his new creation, Dean Winchester became everything that Chuck could not be. Dean Winchester will always put his brother before everything else in the entire universe. Because that is a fundamental part of Dean’s creation. Chuck wrote the Winchester’s specifically to undo his own tragic story. In his writing, Dean does not sacrifice Sam for the world, Dean always saves Sam. Even at the risk OF the world. Because Chuck’s biggest regret was not putting his sister first.

It all combines in a rather beautiful narrative symmetry doesn’t it?

salazarastark  asked:

Hi! This might sound a little silly, but I've been seeing a lot of gifsets about Ned's quote about Sansa and Arya being as different as the son and the moon and in them Sansa's the sun and Arya's the moon. I understand the aesthetic reason for the sorting, but I was wondering if there was a meta reason for it. I think both of their arcs could have the traditional sun and the moon parallels. Your thoughts?

I also got this anon within about 24 hours of your ask (was there a wank I was blissfully unaware of?):

Hey, I really love your thoughts on the stark sisters. This might be a silly ask, but who do you think reflects the moon better and who the sun? I know Ned’s words were more metaphoric than literal, but I always see edits with one sister being the sun and the other the moon, which always vary on which one is which. I can never decide. Do you have a preference?

Before I get into this, I… don’t really have a horse in this race tbh, largely because I think that focusing on the imagery in that line is missing the point of what Ned is saying.  He’s not necessarily saying “one of you is the sun and one of you is the moon,” he’s saying “you are as different as” so I think of it more as a poetic turn of phrase more than anything else.

But since you’re asking here are longer thoughts on the matter, the ones I do have go into symbolism as it appears for Sansa and Arya respectively.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I was reading your rendition of Just Hold On, (which was simply marvelous), and I wondered. Sweet Creature was made shortly after Harry's birthday. And the letter of SOTT, also passes a message that is to hold. Do you think these songs have any relation? It's hard to think of coincidences when it comes to Harry and Louis.

Hi!

I had some vague thoughts about the relationship between JHO and SOTT, and this question forced me to focus my thoughts. So here they are. 

Previously, I had talked about JHO as a song of affirmation and reassurance following Jay’s death. But JHO is also a love song, as the music video showed us. Not merely a love song, but a love song with pointed references to Harry and Louis (the jacket colors, the baseball cap/ fedora, the first meeting in a concert and then meeting later outside of the concert, the travel to multiple music venues around the world, the love that is not only intoxicating but domestic and ends in marriage).

SOTT also has pointed references to Jay. Harry says in his Rolling Stone interview, “The song is written from a point of view as if a mother was giving birth to a child and there’s a complication. The mother is told, ‘The child is fine, but you’re not going to make it.’ The mother has five minutes to tell the child, ‘Go forth and conquer.‘”

I had sort of dismissed this quote, but after reading this post, I could be convinced of the song as a description of Jay’s wish for her child’s career to blossom– as a way of saying good-bye, but also giving her blessing to her child. The child’s “birth” is the career coming to fruition.

Keep reading

too much jealousy

Request from anon: Can you do a long Murphy x reader where he’s extremely protective of the reader. You can choose what specifically happens

this turned into more of an angry jealous protective murph kind of thing idk not good hahhaa

Word count: 1,615

Warnings: swearin and mentions of smut

You and Murphy had only met once you reached the ground. You immediately warmed up to his sarcastic, douchey personality. He was flirty with everyone and most of the time everyone brushed him off. You didn’t. Somehow you found him charming and you let him continually flirt with you, and you occasionally flirted back. One night after you both got drunk, you hooked up, and from that point on it became a regular thing. Last night you had come to his tent, looking for a little stress relief. When you quietly unzipped the zipper and stepped in, he wasn’t in his normal pose, waiting for you on the bed. This time he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

“Murph-Are you okay?” Your face scrunched out of confusion. His head shot up and he seemed nervous for once in his life.

Keep reading

Not How He Plays

Originally posted by isophhia

Warning(s): Sexual Activity, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Spit Kink, Choking, and Overstimulation

Note: I am so so sorry this took forever, I have not had motivation to do anything. I hope you guys enjoy it though! Make sure to give it love on my AO3

Requested by Anon:” Well, thank you. For melting me to death as I read what you just wrote about how Tommy’s reactions would be. Which leads me to asking something as simple.. would you write that as, well, a very smutty (even kinky) story. If I add a lot more details? But I’m just not sure if I could be able to have specific quotes though, since I don’t know where the post/s that have them is or was. But I will definitely want her only trying to fight for dominance, but not even being that successful though. So… “

You and Thomas have been together for quite sometime, and everything has been perfect. Both of your personalities mesh together perfectly; Thomas is more of the take charge type and you prefer to sit in the back and watch it ride out. Theses traits also carry over into bed, Thomas is always the dominate one bending you to his pleasure. This doesn’t bother you, you love being putty in his hands. Of course you love the usual sex between you two, but tonight you wanted to try something new. You want to see if you are able to bind Thomas to your will.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

“Flashback when you met me your buzz cut and my hair bleached” (Dress). If the song was about Karlie it definitely wouldn’t point to a very specific time. Her hair was bleached for Coachella and at the Met Gala last year. And obviously buzz cut isn’t pointing to Karlie... sorry

Taylor obviously put something in there to attempt to keep up her heterosexual narrative that the public sees. It’s definitely not about Joe. For one, she wrote this song a year before she allegedly met him. Two, why would she ever have to worry about the best friend label with Joe? Taylor cannot be within ten feet of a man without the media speculating on their relationship. It just doesn’t add up, sorry.

As for the buzz cut line in general? VSFS one of the main things Taylor commented on was Karlie’s haircut. This might not be an exact quote, but she said something along the lines of, “I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair. If I do know it’s because of Karlie.” You can find the exact quote somewhere. That might be a reach, but it’s a more plausible reason for her to bring up a haircut than the whole Joe situation. Again, everything’s intentional. Don’t forget that as Taylor has said, you only see the parts of her she shows you. There’s more to her than the straight woman she puts out for the public to see.

anonymous asked:

I've seen a few terms on this site (ableist, terf, and swerf) almost everywhere, and I was hoping if you could explain what it means. Thanks!

Hi anon! I’m technically taking a break from this blog, but I actually really wanted to answer this question in particular because it’s really important. I hope you don’t mind!

Content note: violence, transphobia, whorephobia, sex shaming, use of slurs, rape mention, death mention, murder mention, genitalia mention, pedophilia mention

1. Ableist

Ableism is hate, oppression, harassment, disdain, disrespect, erasure, etc related to disabled people. It can go from openly hating and mocking disabled people, to normalized ableism in the language (the use of ableist slurs like “dm*b”, “l*me”, “st*pid”, etc). It can also be not taking disabled people into account when stating things (for example “just go and walk every day to be healthier!” when a lot of people CAN’T walk). 

To quote Urban Dictionary:

Ableism is the discrimination or prejudice against people who have disabilities. Ableism can take the form of ideas and assumptions, stereotypes, attitudes and practices, physical barriers in the environment, or larger scale oppression. It is oftentimes unintentional and most people are completely unaware of the impact of their words or actions.

The thought that people with disabilities are dependent and require the care and support of someone else is an example of ableism. Sometimes this comes out in the form of people helping people with disabilities without asking them if they need assistance (and of course waiting the affirmative response).

Another example would be in designing spaces, places, events, information, communication, and technology without considering the variety of needs of people with disabilities. For example, a building that is built to code can still be technically inaccessible if the ramp is around the back of the building or if there is no automatic door opener installed.


Another quote from Urban Dictionary explains it this way:

Ableism is a form of discrimination toward people with disabilities either physical or mental. Generally, ableism prevents disabled persons from having the same access to rights and services that average people have no problems obtaining.


Wikipedia explains it this way:

In ableist societies, able-bodiedness is viewed as the norm; people with disabilities are understood as those that deviate from that norm. Disability is seen as something to overcome or to fix, for example, through medical intervention. The ableist worldview holds that disability is an error or a failing rather than a consequence of human diversity, akin to race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender. One common type of ableist behavior denies others’ autonomy by speaking for or about them rather than allowing them to speak for themselves. An example of this behavior occurs when a waiter speaks to an aid or a companion instead of directly to the person with a disability.

Other definitions of ableism include those of Chouinard, who defines it as “ideas, practices, institutions, and social relations that presume able-bodiedness, and by so doing, construct persons with disabilities as marginalized […] and largely invisible ‘others,’” and of Amundson and Taira, who define ableism as “a doctrine that falsely treats impairments as inherently and naturally horrible and blames the impairments themselves for the problems experienced by the people who have them.”


Ableism is also related to mental disabilities and mental illnesses as well. Discrimination against someone for things like having a low IQ, being “cr*zy,” not processing information or emotions in a way deemed “normal,” and other similar acts are all ableism. Other words for this specific form of ableism include “mentalism” and “sanism,” although I personally dislike those terms.


Wikipedia explains:

Mentalism or sanism is a form of discrimination and oppression because of a mental trait or condition a person has, or is judged to have. This may or may not be described in terms of mental disorder or disability. The discrimination is based on numerous factors such as: stereotypes about neurodivergence (e.g. autism, ADHD, bipolar, schizophrenia, personality disorder diagnoses), specific behavioral phenomena (e.g. stuttering, tics), or supposed intelligence.

Like other “isms” such as sexism and racism, mentalism involves multiple intersecting oppressions and complex social inequalities and imbalances of power. It can result in covert discrimination by multiple, small insults and indignities. It is characterized by judgments of another person’s perceived mental health status. These judgments are followed by actions such as blatant, overt discrimination (refusal of service, denying of human rights). Mentalism impacts how individuals are treated by the general public, by mental health professionals, and by institutions, including the legal system. The negative attitudes may also be internalized.

The terms mentalism (from mental) and sanism (from sane) have some widespread use, though concepts such as social stigma, and in some cases ableism, may be used in similar but not identical ways.

While mentalism and sanism are used interchangeably, sanism is becoming predominant in certain circles, such as academics, those who identify as mad and mad advocates and in a socio-political context where sanism is gaining ground as a movement. The movement of sanism is an act of resistance among those who identify as mad, consumer survivors, and mental health advocates. In academia evidence of this movement can be found in the number of recent publications about sanism and social work practice.


When someone says something is “ableist,” they are saying it contributes to ableism (or mentalism/sanism, if you choose to use such terms). In other words, they are saying it is discriminatory to people with mental illness, mental disability, or physical disability. 


2. TERF or TWERF

I’m sure you already know to some extent what feminism is, but just in case, let me share with you a quote:

Feminism comprises a number of egalitarian social, cultural and political movements, theories and moral philosophies concerned with gender inequalities and equal rights for women. It is the doctrine advocating social, political and all other rights for women which are equal to those of men.

Feminist political activists have been concerned with issues such as a woman’s right of contract and property; a woman’s right to bodily integrity and autonomy (e.g. on matters such as reproductive rights, abortion rights, access to contraception and quality prenatal care); women’s rights to protection from domestic violence, sexual harassment and rape; women’s workplace rights (e.g. maternity leave, equal pay, glass ceiling practices, etc); and opposition to all other forms of discrimination.

Feminist Theory is an extension of Feminism into theoretical or philosophical fields, such as anthropology, sociology, economics, women’s studies, literary criticism, art history, psychoanalysis and philosophy. It aims to understand gender inequality and focuses on gender politics, power relations and sexuality, as well as the promotion of women’s rights and interests.


Wikipedia explains feminism this way:

Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment.

Feminist movements have campaigned and continue to campaign for women’s rights, including the right to vote, to hold public office, to work, to earn fair wages or equal pay, to own property, to receive education, to enter contracts, to have equal rights within marriage, and to have maternity leave. Feminists have also worked to promote bodily autonomy and integrity, and to protect women and girls from rape, sexual harassment, and domestic violence.

Feminist campaigns are generally considered to be a main force behind major historical societal changes for women’s rights, particularly in the West, where they are near-universally credited with achieving women’s suffrage, gender neutrality in English, reproductive rights for women (including access to contraceptives and abortion), and the right to enter into contracts and own property. Although feminist advocacy is, and has been, mainly focused on women’s rights, some feminists, including bell hooks, argue for the inclusion of men’s liberation within its aims because men are also harmed by traditional gender rolesFeminist theory, which emerged from feminist movements, aims to understand the nature of gender inequality by examining women’s social roles and lived experience; it has developed theories in a variety of disciplines in order to respond to issues concerning gender.

Numerous feminist movements and ideologies have developed over the years and represent different viewpoints and aims. Some forms of feminism have been criticized for taking into account only white, middle class, and educated perspectives. This criticism led to the creation of ethnically specific or multicultural forms of feminism, including black feminism and intersectional feminism.


When you see someone being called a TERF, it is a warning to others that this is a feminist who is dangerous, bigoted, and hateful towards transgender individuals. Calling someone a TERF means you are calling them a feminist who is transphobic and promoting hateful, antitrans ideologies.


To quote Geek Feminism:

TERF is an acronym for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist. Sometimes, “exclusionary” is expanded as “eliminationist” or “exterminationist” instead to more accurately convey the degree to which TERFs advocate for harm towards trans people, specifically trans people who were coercively assigned male at birth.

Some TERFs call themselves “gender-critical feminists”, a term which is synonymous with “TERF”.

Their position (which is not shared by this wiki) denies that trans people’s self-affirmed genders and sexes are equally valid as cis people’s self-affirmed genders and sexes. It has a decades-long history of allying with anti-feminist causes in denying trans people access to health care, and other human rights.

Unsurprisingly, many TERFs complain that “TERF” should be regarded as a slur.

According to Tracey at The TERFs (an anti-TERF site) and Cristan Williams at The Transadvocate, the term TERF was first used in writing by Viv Smythe/tigtog of Hoyden About Town in August 2008. tigtog said in the interview with Cristan Williams that she believes that she and Lauredhel coined it some time prior as a chat shorthand.


In some contexts, you might also hear “TWERF” used instead to convey that the person isn’t against all trans people, but rather just transgender women (women who were assigned male at birth). 


In case you didn’t know what radical feminism is, this is how Wikipedia explains it:

Radical feminism is a perspective within feminism that calls for a radical reordering of society in which male supremacy is eliminated in all social and economic contexts.

Radical feminists seek to abolish patriarchy by challenging existing social norms and institutions, rather than through a purely political process. This includes challenging the notion of traditional gender roles, opposing the sexual objectification of women, and raising public awareness about such issues as rape and violence against women.

Early radical feminism, arising within second-wave feminism in the 1960s, typically viewed patriarchy as a “transhistorical phenomenon" prior to or deeper than other sources of oppression, “not only the oldest and most universal form of domination but the primary form" and the model for all others. Later politics derived from radical feminism ranged from cultural feminism to more syncretic politics that placed issues of class, economics, etc. on a par with patriarchy as sources of oppression.

Radical feminists locate the root cause of women’s oppression in patriarchal gender relations, as opposed to legal systems (as in liberal feminism) or class conflict (as in anarchist feminism, socialist feminism, and Marxist feminism).


In other words, radical feminism doesn’t relate to being “extremist,” as the word radical implies, but rather to eliminating the root of misogyny and the oppression of women.


Many radical feminists are TERFS, but not all are. I was always told that radical feminists coined the word TERF to separate them from the movement, because transgender exclusion was, in their minds, not part of their movement. I can’t verify this for sure.


Many people do not seem to know this, but there are many branches of feminism. Radical feminism is one of hundreds of schools of thought within feminism. 

Philosophy Basics explains:

Radical Feminism considers the capitalist hierarchy of society, which it describes as sexist and male-based, as the defining feature of women’s oppression. Most Radical Feminists see no alternatives other than the total uprooting and reconstruction of society in order to overthrow patriarchy and achieve their goals.

Separatist Feminism is a form of Radical Feminism, which argues that the sexual disparities between men and women are unresolvable, that men cannot make positive contributions to the feminist movement, and that even well-intentioned men replicate patriarchal dynamics.

Sex-Positive Feminism is a response to anti-pornography feminists who argue that heterosexual pornography is a central cause of women’s oppression, and that sexual freedom (which may or may not involve a woman’s ight to participate in heterosexual pornography) is an essential component of women’s freedom.

Anarcha-Feminism (or Anarchist Feminism) is another offshoot of Radical Feminism and combines Feminist and Anarchist beliefs in which patriarchy is viewed as a manifestation of hierarchy so that the fight against patriarchy is an essential part of the class struggle and the Anarchist struggle against the state.

Black Feminism (or Womanism) argues that sexism, class oppression and racism are inextricably bound together. Alice Walker and other Womanists claim that black women experience a different and more intense kind of oppression from that of white women.

Socialist Feminism (or Marxist Feminism) connects the oppression of women to Marxist ideas about exploitation, oppression and labour. Socialist Feminists see the need to work alongside men and all other groups, and to focus their energies on broad change that affects society as a whole, and not just on an individual basis.

Liberal Feminism (or Individualist Feminism) seeks the equality of men and women through political and legal reform. Liberal Feminists see the personal individual interactions between men and women as the place from which to transform society and argue that no major change to the structure of society is needed.

French Feminism (or Post-Structural Feminism) tends to be more philosophical and more literary, than the more pragmatic Anglophone Feminism. It is less concerned with immediate political doctrine and generally focuses on theories of “the body”. The 1949 treatise “The Second Sex” by the French author and philosopher Simone de Beauvoir (1908 - 1986) is a foundational tract of contemporary Feminism, in which she sets out a feminist Existentialism which prescribes a moral revolution and focuses on the concept of Woman as the quintessential Other, which de Beauvoir identifies as fundamental to women’s oppression.

Eco-Feminism links Feminism with ecology, arguing that the domination of women stems from the same patriarchal ideologies that bring about the domination and destruction of the environment.

Christian Feminism is a branch of feminist theology which seeks to interpret and understand Christianity in light of the equality of women and men, which has been largely ignored historically.

Pro-Feminism refers to support of Feminism without implying that the supporter is a member of the feminist movement. It is usually used in reference to men who are actively supportive of Feminism and of efforts to bring about gender equality.


And this is not, by any means, a complete list. There are many other branches of feminist theory and feminist thought, and many different ways that people can engage in feminist activism.


But TERFS often only acknowledge radical feminism (which they consider the only real feminism) and liberal feminism.


Transgender Advocate explains the warning signs that you as an individual might be a TERF:

I’ve noticed that there seems to be some confusion about what a TERF* is so, here’s a quick guide to help you figure out if you’re a TERF. Chances are that you’re a TERF if you believe that you’re a feminist when you…

1.) Claim that trans women are cis men, that trans men are cis women and purposefully misgender trans people.

2.) Out trans people to employers.

3.) Tell trans women their surgery is about supporting rape culture.

4.) Assert that lesbian-identified trans women can’t be lesbian.

5.) Claim that a world without trans people is preferable.

6.) Find that your anti-trans arguments and the anti-trans arguments of far right-wing groups match.

7.) Assert cis privilege isn’t real; that non-trans people aren’t privileged in a society that’s hostile to trans people.

8.) Claim that gender isn’t real, but the MAAB/FAAB binary is.

9.) Claim that trans surgeries were pioneered by men in service of the patriarchy.

10.) Lie about rape and death threats you’ve received from trans people.

11.) Fearmonger about the rape/violence threat trans women pose to cis women in the women’s restroom.

12.) Assert that trans people transition to satisfy their sexual urges.

13.) Degrade and dehumanize the genitals of trans people.

14.) Work to overturn trans equality protections.

15.) Work to halt access to trans medical care.

16.) Appeal to the Klan Fallacy.

17.) Compare transition to a disgusting Frankenstein-like process.

18.) Claim that trans people transition due to political or social pressures.

19.) Claim that when you work to halt the propagation of anti-feminist stereotypes it’s empowerment, but when trans people work to halt the propagation of anti-trans stereotypes it’s censorship .

20.) Assert that trans women transition because they’re actually gay men and that trans men transition because they’re lesbians wanting to escape the patriarchy.

21.) Threaten actual radical feminist organizations with killing its trans members, and then show up at the radfem event armed with guns.

22.) Beat actual radical feminists for protecting trans women from a TERF bashing.

23.) Mob Lesbian Avengers who have a trans kid with them and then threaten the kid with a knife.

24.) Menace a butch Lesbian radical feminist so much that the radfem decides to start their own inclusive Women’s Music Festival.

25.) Threaten a group of trans women with bodily violence so that they have to start something called Camp Trans in protest.

26.) Promote so-called “bathroom bills” because you think it’s “pro-Lesbian.”

27.) Find that Tea Party Republicans start promoting your TERF rhetoric.

28.) Promote right-wing propaganda mill nonsense to substantiate your hate because they’re the only ones who, in your estimation, are your ideological allies.

29.) Find that right-wing pundits and even hate groups like the Westboro Baptist Church defend TERF hate.

30.) Appeal to vaginal odors as being a sexed essence which demarcates an authentic sexed status, so that trans women aren’t actual women because the vaginas of trans women are so smelly that it causes “serious smell issues” while, simultaneously being so non-smelly that a trans woman can never know (as actual women apparently do) what it’s like to have a “big, hairy, smelly vagina.”

Bonus: Pretend that the term “TERF” –popularized, in 2008 by a radical feminist-inclusive feminist community as a way of distinguishing between radical feminists from anti-trans bigots who label themselves “radical feminists”– was actually created by the trans  community in order to slur feminism.


I highly recommend these sources if you would like to know more:

Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminism: What Exactly Is It, And Why Does It Hurt?

The Terfs

Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminism on Rational Wiki


Of these sources, The Terfs will be the most helpful, but it contains a lot of violence and disturbing language. Please stay safe!


3. SWERF

SWERFS are another subgroup of radical feminists, very similar to TERFS. Often, someone who is a TERF will also be a SWERF, but this is not always the case.


Urban Dictionary defines SWERF this way:

Acronym for “Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminist”. A person who espouses to be a feminist but who does not believe that women engaged in ANY form of voluntary sex work should be included in the fight for equality, especially in employment or salary parity. This rabid exclusion of an entire class of women is usually a belief based on misplaced uptight morality.


Rational Wiki explains further:

Sex worker exclusionary radical feminism (also known as SWERF) is yet another offshoot of feminism, one that opposes women’s participation in pornography and prostitution. The term was coined to match that of TERF, as their memberships overlap. Their ideology also overlaps as both subgroups follow a prescriptive, normative approach to feminism; i.e., telling women what to do — TERFs with their gender, and SWERFs with their sexuality.

SWERFs criticize the objectification and exploitation of women within pornography and the sex industry, as well as the violence and abuse that sex workers frequently suffer.

SWERFs typically go completely overboard and dump on sex-workers who chose their profession freely, even in places where it is completely legal and safe, claiming that the sex workers are nothing more than deluded victims (and co-perpetrators) of human trafficking. Much like white supremacists might insist that adoption agencies helping children from the third world find parents in the west are nothing more than deluded extinctionists. This dogmatic hostility to voluntary sex work is known as whorephobia.


Many SWERFS argue that they do not like when men control women’s sexuality. But these same people do exactly the same thing. They attack women for being involved in sex work and/or BDSM/kink, or liking porn. Sometimes they will also police women for what they wear or for having makeup, and will also criticize people for playing dressup with their daughters because the believe this is “sexualizing children” and contributing to “pedophilia culture.”


SJW Wiki uses this quote from Tumblr to explain:

“The mere fact that SWERFs are not actively antagonizing workers in the garment industry, or the domestic labor industry, or the farming and food production industry, or even going after MALE sex workers to the degree that they speak over and attack female sex workers shows that their their actions aren’t about ending incidents of abuse, discrimination and sexual misconduct in the workforce, but about controlling women’s bodies, specifically women’s sexual agency .”

Musings of a Naked Lady, on Tumblr


Interestingly, when I Google “TERF,” many articles about how awful and hateful TERFS are show up. But when I Google “SWERF,” most of the articles that appear are defending TERFS and SWERFS and arguing that these terms are an attack on women and radical feminism.


I think the moral of the story there is that more people are uncomfortable with transphobia than they are whorephobia, which is sad because many many people see nothing wrong with transphobia.


I hope you found this helpful, anon! Let us know if you have more questions!


💖 Mod Bella 💖

anonymous asked:

I'm really sad about something I don't understand and was hoping you could explain. Why do people block without giving a reason to? I don't why it first seems like it's all going so well then the next you're blocked and you don't know why or what you did or said wrong? It's happened twice now and to say it hurts is an understatement.

Oh, my precious Kabby babies.  Circle up, it’s time for some firm but gentle life advice from Mom. 

First of all, unless I personally am the person who blocked you (which I’m obviously not since we’re having this conversation!), in a very real sense the short answer to this question is that you know I can’t actually answer this question.  You’re asking me to tell you why a person I don’t know did a thing for which I have no context, and for which there could be a thousand reasons. So in a concrete, specific sense, my answer is: I do not know.

However.

(You knew there was going to be a however.)

Social media is a deeply personal avenue for self-expression and it’s also a world where many of us spend a great deal of our time, which means that we have the full and free right to customize it into exactly what we want it to be.  The things that you post are personal reflections of you, which is  why it bums you out when someone mutes or blocks or doesn’t follow back; it feels on some level like a personal rejection.  But the space you curate is also a personal reflection of you.  You have the right to post anything you want and other people have the right to choose not to see it.  Both of those rights are equal, even though you’re only on one side so naturally the other one feels like it’s in some way “wrong.”  

I’m speaking with zero context for what your preexisting relationship with these people was beforehand (like obviously if it was a close friend and they blocked you out of nowhere, you’re going to have to sort that out with them directly, I can’t advise you there), but it’s important to remember that there may be no “right” and wrong” in this scenario.  It’s fully possible for both of these things to peacefully coexist at the same time:

1) your absolute right to feel a little bit rejected and hurt that a stranger on the internet made the choice that they didn’t want your social media sphere to overlap with their social media sphere,

and

2) that other person’s absolute right to say “if something or someone makes me feel even the tiniest bit ‘nope’ I am purging it out of this space so it is exactly what I want and need it to be.” 

They don’t need to have a reason.  That sucks, when you’re on the receiving end of it, which all of us have been - it truly and genuinely sucks - but it’s also reality.  One of the hard truths that incidents like this make us sometimes have to face - and we don’t want to face these things, because they can feel really icky and vulnerable and ping all the little gremlins in our brain  - is this:

nobody on the internet owes you their time or attention for anything you do or say.

This sounds mean and brutal, and I don’t mean it to be, because you know mom loves you, but it’s incredibly important, so I’m going to say it again to make sure that if nothing else, this gets through:

nobody on the internet owes you their time or attention for anything you do or say.

The celebs you stan don’t owe you a response to your tweet, just because you want one.  The people you tag in meta don’t owe you reblogging it to continue having that conversation with you forever, just because you want to prove you’re right.  The fans of the fic you write for your most popular ship don’t owe you crossing over to give you hits on your rare-pair fic if they don’t feel like it.  Nobody owes you a certain number of followers, nobody owes you a response to every anon you send them, nobody owes you finishing that fic you like in time for them to read it when they feel like reading it.  We owe each other one thing and one thing only: basic human decency.  That’s it.  Everything else is freely offered to the world, and freely taken by the people who want it.  It’s not a transactional exchange.  If you make art or write fic and you put it out there into the world, you’ve done a cool thing, and whether it gets ten hits or thousands it was still worth doing.  There will be people who aren’t interested, but if you get hung up on feeling rejected by that, it will paralyze you.

Social media is personal. That’s unavoidable.  It’s an extension of ourselves.  When someone is cruel to you or to one of your friends on the internet, even if it’s an anonymous stranger, it feels shitty.  When you express an opinion about something and a ton of people reblog it and the tags are full of “OMG YES THISSSSS”, it feels great.  We all experience that in different ways.  Society has always selected arbitrary measures for young girls and women to live up to in order to feel like they’re popular or they’re approved by the cool kids, and right now it’s things like “how many followers do you have” and “did you get an RT from a celebrity” and “how many likes on your posts”.  So on a primal level, maybe having someone you thought was a friend block you on Twitter or Tumblr hits you in the same deep core place as having the cool kids not come to your birthday party.  That feeling is super real!  It brings up alllllll that deep stuff we try to hide and pretend that we’re above experiencing, but we all have those squishy vulnerable inner selves that just need the cool kids to like us and we feel bad when they don’t.  

I had this exact conversation with my therapist a few weeks ago when she was giving me a hard time because my book has 60 reviews on Amazon, of which like the majority are 5 stars with two negative ones, and I have both the negative ones like memorized.  And she was like “CLAIRE.  WHAT THE HELL.  WHY DO YOU DO THIS?  58 POSITIVE AND YOU CANNOT QUOTE A SINGLE ONE.  TWO SHITTY ONES AND YOU KNOW THEM VERBATIM.  THAT IS NOT HEALTHY BEHAVIOR.”  And I was like “… . okay fine when you put it that way, yes I do sound like a crazy person.”  So like my advice to you – advice which I have just proven I am absolute garbage at taking myself, so like I may have just eroded my own credibility in my efforts to help – is to remember that you probably have a lot more than two followers so honestly this is probably not a bad collective ratio, and there may be lots of people who are very interested in what you have to say but you’ve focused a lot of your energy on these two people and it’s worth giving some thought as to why that is.

My question for you is this: what is the net negative impact of having these two people block you on social media? Like in an actual, concrete way, separate from those sort of core gut “I feel unloved in this moment” feelings, what is the effect on your life?  You might be surprised.  It might be zero.  In which case, let yourself feel those feelings, experience them as valid, and then breathe through them and move on and keep on doin’ you. 

I’m pushing back on you a little bit here very gently because it feels, reading this anon, like you’ve made a determination of hurtful intent on the part of the person who blocked you, or at the very least a certainty that this choice that made was about you and not about them.  That the fact that things seemed to be going fine and then they blocked you means you were somehow intentionally misled or mistreated.  Be really, really, really careful about deciding the cool girl didn’t come to your birthday party because she’s a bitch who wanted to make you feel terrible and is sitting somewhere cackling at the thought of your sad lil’ face waiting by the front door; maybe she didn’t come to your birthday party because she has depression and it’s hard for her to leave the house sometimes and she knew your party would be loud and wild and crazy and too much for her brain to handle right now. Be careful about presuming negative intent with no proof it exists.  The internet makes this so easy, the internet conditions us for this, and it conditions us to respond in kind. The worst thing you could do here is to, like, make a callout post or subtweet in the hopes that it will get back to them and they’ll feel bad, or to sic your other followers onto them, because that turns this into a situation that really does have a right and wrong; and since you don’t know if they were trying to make you feel shitty, or just went on a big block/mute purge to whittle their list down for mental health reasons that are totally their own, once things escalate you can’t put the horse back in the barn. It’s too late.  Now it’s A Thing, when maybe it never really needed to be A Thing.  And in almost all situations for almost all people in almost all ways, Kabby Mom’s advice is going to be, “please think carefully before you make this A Thing.”

This got long, I’ve been having a lot of thoughts lately about the conversations I’m always having with fandom folks the way we let social media permeate and shape our sense of self, in good ways and bad, so I apologize for my verbosity but also not really because that’s how things roll over in Kabby Mom’s Advice Corner.  But I will sum up in bullet points for those of you who have been skimming, to bring you up to speed:

  1. Everyone has the right to curate their own social media space however they see fit, and they don’t have to explain their reasons.
  2. They aren’t obligated to include you in that space even if you want them to.
  3. None of that is an objective measure of your worth as a person or a sign that you should stop being you on the internet.
  4. Your feelings of rejection come from a real place and you get to feel them, as long as
  5. You are striving to move through them without permitting them to paralyze you, and finally
  6. You never use someone else’s choice to curate their social media sphere as a justification for treating them like crap.

Focus on your positive interactions instead of negative ones – your friends, creating stuff and putting it out into the universe – whether it be art, fic, opinions, a podcast, gifsets, crackposts, whatever – and your social media world will be a better place.

In the immortal words of the great Michael J. Fox, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”

anonymous asked:

What's everybody getting up to for Valentine's Day in the galaxy far, far away? Kylux? Finnrey? Techienician? I want to hear about these great celebrations.

ANON, I’m so glad you sent this, thank you! Yesterday I started this little modern AU Valentine’s Day ficlet and wasn’t sure I’d finish it, and your ask inspired me to finish & post it :33

It’s not the galaxy far, far away version, but it does feature all three of those couples! Happy Valentine’s Dayyyy~~!

I call this: ALWAYS SOMEHOW REHEATING FISH, as it was inspired by the new Girls episode and me laughing at that quote re: meaty near-naked Kylo and his naked partner being awful to their roommate.

~~


Finn smirks as he passes the long line at the flower stand in his building’s lobby. They ran out of red roses around lunchtime and are now selling the dregs to desperate people who didn’t plan as well as he has. He got an email confirmation that the custom bouquet he ordered for Rey arrived at her apartment two hours ago, and her creepy cousin actually responded to his text about placing it in her room. Whether or not Ben actually did so is still uncertain, as it’s hard to predict what he’ll do, regardless of what he says, but Finn has tried to come up with some reason why Ben might want to sabotage Rey’s Valentine’s Day flowers, and he hasn’t landed on anything yet. As obnoxious as Ben can be, he does seem to genuinely care about Rey. Finn would love it if this affection for Rey would translate into Ben maybe attempting to find his own place and letting Rey live her life without her codependent cousin haunting her steps, but he’s not going to hold his breath waiting for that to happen. Not yet, anyway: eventually he’s going to ask Rey to marry him. Maybe next year. At that point, Ben will hopefully take his cue to move out.  

If Rey says yes, that is.

It’s a gray and rainy Tuesday, just a little after six o’clock in the evening. Finn thinks about texting Rey, though she likely won’t have time to look at her phone until her shift ends in five hours. She’s a waitress at Jakku, one of the trendiest restaurants in town, and today will be hell at work for her: the restaurant is fully booked, packed with couples who will expect her to cater to them and their special day while she juggles ten other tables who all demand the same level of doting attention in exchange for Jakku’s insane prices. Rey has been dreading Valentine’s Day all week for this reason, just like she dreaded it last year, when she and Finn were still only friends. Last year all he did was send her supportive messages when she griped about the work day she faced and then about how gruelling it was. He’d offered to bring her some ice cream at midnight, when she finally got home, but she’d said she just wanted to sleep.

This year they’re not just dating but getting pretty serious after seven giddy months. Rey has given him a key to her apartment, where he sleeps more often than not, though he has his own place and it’s pretty nice, definitely quieter. But Ben is not there, and if Ben wasn’t inventing nonstop excuses to need Rey’s “energy” nearby in order to stay sane, he wouldn’t be Ben.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I'm currently having a dilemma were I feel like I'm "too late" to cosplay. As if, everyone who is already cosplaying has mastered it and become presentable, where as I'm just starting out and don't even light a candle to most of the crowd. I really adore everyones craftsmanship, and it's an incredible hobby to be apart of. But no matter how many tutorials I see I feel like I simply don't have the skill/talent to put together a cosplay, or as if I can't be a beginner. Has anyone been thru this?

Hello there!

Sorry that you feel that way about cosplay. It should be something fun, but if you feel inadequate, that can take away from it.

Know that it’s perfectly okay to be a beginner. Cosplay is a growing hobby, and people are getting into it all the time. There’s no shame in being new! I’d guess that the cosplayers who are relatively new at a con probably vastly outnumber those who have been doing it for 5+ years (who outnumber those of us who have been doing it 10+ years, etc.). Just remember that there’s a reason why you see so many “cosplay 101″ panels at cons, and why help sites like this one can exist: because so many people are getting into the hobby or looking for ways to get into the hobby that this kind of thing can be sustained.

The thing about skill is that it’s something that comes with practice. No one is amazing at something on their first try. It takes time and experience to get good at something, and it’s hard work. You can’t compare yourself to someone who has been cosplaying for a number of years and has more skills and more resources than you. Only compare yourself to your previous self. Did you learn how to make a new type of clothing, even if it’s not perfect? Great! Your next version will be better. Did you have a problem with something and it didn’t turn out? That can be discouraging, but you learned something from it, and now you can apply that knowledge to future projects. Reading tutorials will only get you so far. You have to actually do things.

Also, there’s no shame in starting small. You want to get into cosplay but can only do minimal sewing? Modify pre-made garments. This can also help you learn how things are constructed. Make simple outfits to begin with. Most complex costumes are just lots of simpler sewing techniques put together, and while this takes time to do, it can help to think of a more complex outfit as smaller pieces rather than as a big complex whole. Your first cosplay doesn’t have to be (and shouldn’t be!) a super elaborate hand-beaded Sakizou design, for example, or a full suit of armor. Learning how to make simple things so that they fit well and have clean construction will be much more useful and much more impressive in terms of construction than trying to tackle something far outside your skill level.

It also helps to take things slowly and set reasonable goals. Say you want to make a whole costume in a year. Set a goal so that you make the skirt one month, the bloomers another month, the top another month, and the accessories another month. Take your time with the items, and remake them if needed. Break down each piece into even smaller pieces – make your goal for that week to learn to sew a zipper, or learn to sew elastic, and then work your way up to the more complex princess seams on the top, and then the more complex boning in the top, and then the most complex item, such as a small bit of embroidery. Make mockups and practice pieces (I /still/ make practice pieces for new techniques) so that you can do the technique a few times before doing the final piece. Learning skills in small, manageable chunks will make it less overwhelming, and you’ll learn how to put things together in a practical way that can then be applied to a more complex outfit next time.

You can also enter a contest that has a beginner skill division. Ask for advice from the judges on how to improve. Attend a con in normal clothes or a storebought costume and see how you feel about that. Take some of the pressure off, and refocus a bit on other aspects of cosplay before tackling a project.

Also, keep in mind that a lot of what you see online and the viral images you see of cosplays are the “best” images – the most impressive construction, the best photography, and any “flaws” are often hidden in creative photography or photoshopped out, etc. (Of course, “best” is super subjective here, and there is no “best” way to cosplay, hence the quotes, but I think my meaning is clear.) The average cosplay at a con doesn’t look like that, certainly not while walking around the floor, and there are a lot of beginners around, or people who cosplay for reasons other than the construction, and there is nothing wrong with that. I’d actually recommend looking at con coverage photos and videos, or digging through the tags for local cons. You’ll often see photos here that are hall shots (not staged photoshoots), usually taken by fans of the series because they like the character, not because the cosplayer looks like they just stepped off a movie set. Look at photos and videos of crowds and gatherings. You’ll see a lot of cosplayers there of all skill levels – you’ll fit right in no matter what your costume looks like. 

And hey, a lot of attendees will see your costume and be amazed by it even if you only see flaws! People are often just excited to see their favorite characters, or don’t notice all of the tiny things that went “wrong” that you might.  

It can be hard to deal with feeling of inadequacy, but you’ll get to the level of skill you want to be at faster than you think if you continue to work at it. Here’s the secret: a lot of artists (cosplayers included) are hardest on their own work. Even someone like me, who has been cosplaying for nearly 15 years, deals with these feelings. The secret to overcoming it is not to look at other people’s work (”this person is at a way higher level than I am and they just started!” or “I’ll never make anything that amazing!”), but to look at how far you’ve come, and what you are proud of in your own work. I’m a pretty practical person, so if I ever do feel that kind of inadequacy, I usually stop, identify where I can improve, and set out to do those specific things. Even then, you will see your flaws, while others will see your strengths. Learn to identify your strengths and appreciate them, and work on the things that you see as flaws. Know that no one can do everything perfectly, and learn to embrace that.

I mention my own experiences here because you sound like the kind of cosplayer I am. I’m the type who has the most fun with the construction aspect of it, and has fun trying to plan out and problem solve a cosplay, and then showing off all my hard work. Not everyone places as much personal importance on those aspects of the hobby, so this kind of advice doesn’t really apply to those who have different versions of fun. This answer isn’t meant to be a “you have to have good construction to be a good cosplayer” response, but since you specifically want advice on construction skill, I would guess that you’re the type who likes to make things.  

You’ll get there, but remember that you are always allowed to be at the skill level you are at. Always.  

Fabrickind / Q&A Staff

House to Home

When the doorbell rang, Steve was expecting Bucky. “Hey, asth-” He cut himself off, flushing with embarrassed surprise. Curse his Irish skin.

The businesswoman simply raised an eyebrow, silently inviting him to continue.

“Ah-” Steve fumbled. “Pepper, hi, I wasn’t expecting you so soon. I thought that you said it would take a month or so to find a suitable contractor…” He trailed off, hoping that the prompt would be sufficient invitation.

Pepper stifled a smile, taking pity on him. Steve and Bucky were one of the nicest couples she’d ever had to find a designer for. That she’d snagged a good one for them was genuinely satisfying. “Actually, I found one earlier than expected. He’s a good friend of mine, so he has ‘first dibs’-” Actual air quotes were made. “- on every project that comes across my desk. He liked your ideas and house, and wants to be your designer.”

Steve frowned. He was certain that anyone Pepper had befriended was more than competent- Pepper did not suffer fools. But their designer needed more than competence. They needed somebody that wouldn’t balk at making sure that the whole house was accessible in case Bucky’s prosthetic got damaged. They needed somebody who would pay attention when Steve told them about his issues with loud sounds and bright lights. And they needed somebody who wouldn’t break their bank. Better start with the first one. “Has he designed anything for disabled people before?” He ventured.

“Never.” Pepper admitted. “He has done buildings that are disabled-accessible in general, but never anything tailored to specific disabled people. But I did bring that up with him, and he thinks that he’s up for the challenge. If it helps, he has chronic pain, so he does know what it’s like to need accommodations.”

Steve nodded slowly.  Okay. This guy was beginning to sound like he might work. “Will he listen to our aesthetic requirements?”

Pepper laughed. “Sure. Just make sure to get everything. He listens really well to specs, but he tends to get tunnel vision if he has an idea that he really likes. But Bucky’s pretty outspoken, and you’re not too timid either. I think you’ll be able to rein him in. Do you want fish?”

“What? No, not really?”

“Then you need to tell him that straight off.” Pepper informed him. “He will put as many fishtanks as he can in anything that he designs.”

Steve opened and closed his mouth a couple times. “Why.”

Pepper shrugged. “Well, he spoils his fish. He can’t imagine anyone neglecting them like many do. And he likes their aesthetic. Very fond of using glass, crystal, anything transparent. Is that all right?”

Steve considered. “That could be an issue. But like you said, Buck and I can probably set him straight.” He hesitated. “How does he charge?”

“By the project, on a sliding scale based on wealth. For yours, he says he’ll charge about fifty thousand.”

Stece’s eyebrows creased in a frown. That was the upper limit of their budget… “Can we meet with him and discuss the project?” He asked. “Or do we need to hire him before that?”

Pepper’s eyes went distant with thought. “Mmm… I’ll see what he says, and give you a call tomorrow. What do you want to do if he declines a meeting?”

There was a long, heavy pause. “What, in your professional opinion, are our chances of getting a more accommodating designer if we turn him down?”

“Close to zero. He’s eccentric, but very understanding and caring. He has a lot of energy, and is fully equipped to design a house that will be functional and beautiful.”

The prompt response sounded almost rehearsed. Pepper had come here ready to defend her choice of designer.

Steve hoped that she was right about him. “Alright. When should I expect the call?”

Her lips parted in a pleased smile. “Around eleven. It’s a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Rogers.” Pepper turned on her heel and strode out the door.

A mildly ruffled Steve stood there for a couple minutes, worrying about if their designer would really be compatible with them. In the end, he shrugged, then went back to watching The Sound of Music. And hoped that Bucky hurried up with the damn groceries.

What do you think, Rei? I may have Steve be on the spectrum. It’s the main thing I think of for sensory issues. Tony has chronic pain because of a slightly, but not life threateningly, botched heart surgery that’s too delicate to go back in and fix. 

The fish are not major characters, but he has a tortoise named Dummy that he’s trained to fetch him tools. His two dogs, Butterfingers and You, are much more helpful.

You can publish this, ask me questions, and tell me if there’s anything you want changed. If you like, I’ll try to continue this. I’d prefer to publish it as an anon, so maybe tag it remodeling AU? Congrats, your blog may have a new AU and you’re not even the one writing it.

Man, this is beautiful. I can’t wait for more! (Traumatic brain injuries can result with sensitivities to light and sound of varying degrees but I’m actually really digging the idea of Spectrum Steve!)

Now this isn’t really directed at you, just an in general thing, but: If ya’ll are writing me something, I’m not gonna ask you to change anything!!! I’m so flattered you’re taking time out of your lives to write something for me, and I enjoy seeing all of your ideas! I don’t wanna stifle that creativity. :) (Tbh the only the I would ever ask someone to change is if there was some sort of sexual assault taking place and even then if you tagged it’d be okay.)

“Too Good” Peter Maximoff x Pyrokinetic!Reader (Request)

Request: Hi! “Longish request” anon here! First, I just wanted to say your writing/ characterization is A+ Second, I wanted to request something with peter maximoff and reader. Like angst and fluffy stuff. I have this quote that I really like- “Women are forged of iron. My body it has bled and blazed and broken. But yet it beats on. I am iron. A little rusted perhaps, but still, I endure.” I have this head-cannon that reader is a really powerful mutant and she carries a lot of burdens from her past. And how she’s determined a lot of people’s fate. Anyways, peter and reader are dating And sometimes reader gets really depressed because of her sometimes uncontrollable powers. And peter isn’t the best at helping her during times like this. So one night she just goes off on him about what a big burden she carries and how she tries so hard to do good. But peter doesn’t understand the load on her shoulders. But peter explains that he understands and stuff. they make up, etc. Oh! And thank you for taking my request! ~ @captain-maaarvel

Warnings: Fighting, Self-Depreciation, Anxiety, Fire-Stuff, Kissing, PTSD?

Pronouns: Female (I naturally write with female pronouns, but I try to change it up every once in a while. PLEASE feel free to request a version of this, or any previously written imagine with different pronouns. IT IS NO TROUBLE AT ALL, Also, if you have a request, feel free to make specific pronouns part of it.)

A/N: Hey there! So first off, I’d like to personally apologize for taking, like, five years with this fic. I’m not entirely sure this is what you wanted but I kind of like the way it turned out so I hope you enjoy it!! Sorry it’s a bit short. This was a really cool idea! I chose to give the reader pyrokinesis because this prompt really reminded me of a personal HC I have about a reader who struggles with their past. Fire is interesting because it’s incredibly destructive and I feel like mutants with powerful relationships with fire may have mixed feelings about their role in the X-Men. I also feel like pyrokinesis would be tough to deal with while one is learning to control it. Anyway, thanks for reading! Thanks for requesting! Have a groovy day!

(P.S. Shoutout to @actual–hobbit for requesting the “If I Could Tell Her” fic last week because I really liked the song and I ended up watching the full musical [Dear Evan Hansen] and omg now I’m obsessed and it’s ruining any hope of productivity and Evan is my SON and Connor is my baby whom I will protect with my life. My little sister is going to kill me because I’ve been singing it so much If anyone wants to talk DEH I’m down to party. hmu. Sincerely, me.)

—————————————————————————————————

It finally happened. Her fears were finally realized. She had burnt him.

She didn’t even think. She should have thought. It was just a combat demonstration. Fake or not, fear bubbled in her stomach. She should have known better than to be nervous.

One wrong move was all it took. She grabbed his wrist, blocking an uppercut when he quickly pulled his arm away. She hadn’t even thought about the temperature of her skin.

Peter let out a choked, cry of pain, falling backwards and grabbing his wrist in his other hand. Y/N swore that she felt her heart stop. Peter gave her a panicked look as he frantically tried to hide the large, angry burn that marked his arm. Y/N covered her mouth with her hands, suddenly registering what she had done. The blood drained from her face as horror soaked through her.

She used to have nightmares about hurting him. Peter would find her writhing in her sheets, her skin at 400 degrees. But even then, he’d wake her and hold her, hushing her until she calmed down. He’d blow cool streams of air into her face as her skin returned to its normal warmth and she fell back asleep.

She wished this was a nightmare. She wished she could wake up to see Peter’s concerned face, wearing nothing but his pajamas and his starry hair pulled back with a tie.

This couldn’t be real. She had never woken up. Logan had never held training in the Danger Room and he’d never asked her to do a combat demonstration and she had to be dreaming this whole thing.

”Oh my God…“

“Y/N, no. I’m ok. It’s just-”

Her stomach twisted with panic and self-hatred as she realized what she’d done. She stepped backwards, still trying to catch her breath.

“I’m…I can’t…I’m sorry-”

Tears welled in her eyes. Peter reached out and called after her.

“Y/N!”

Horrified, she turned from the boy and ran. He stood, trying desperately to catch her. But by the time he made it to the door, she was gone.

—————————————————————————————————-

Charles said she would learn to control it. He said that she could do good things. That’s all she ever wanted. To do good. But fire wasn’t meant for good.

Fire was destruction. Fire devoured everything it touched. She was dangerous. No matter how hard she tried, everything she cared about was burnt.

Now, she had somehow managed to hurt the only friend that she had left. The moment replayed in her head like a movie. The sound he made when she touched him.

Something in her had known it was coming. From the moment Logan asked them to fight, she could feel a knot forming in her chest. She’d never forgive herself for ignoring it.

Peter was the only one who made her feel like she could learn to control it. In return, she had scalded him.

There was a small knock on her door. She buried her face in her pillow. The mattress dipped as Peter sat next to her. His hand glided up under her shirt, rubbing over her back slowly and tracing patterns there. She forced herself to move away. She couldn’t bear to hurt him again. Her powers spiked when she was upset. God knows what they could do now.

His eyebrows knit together. She glanced at his wrist. It and been bandaged neatly and he held an ice pack loosely in his fingers. She bit her lip, trying to hold back more tears.

“Y/N look at me…”

She struggled to meet his eyes. He cupped her face in his bandaged hand and craned his neck down to look at her. He felt his heart sink upon seeing her. Her tears had left tracks down her cheeks. She looked heart-broken.

“Hey, I’m gonna be Ok. Everything’s gonna be OK.”

He felt his voice break as ran his thumb over her cheek. She shook her head, burying her face in her hands. He pulled her closer and she let out a choked sob into the crook of his neck. He bit his lip a little. Just hearing the noise made his heart fall deeper into his stomach. He hushed her gently and ran his hand through her hair as he pulled her closer. She tensed a little and moved back, she was trembling.

“Y/N-” he begged.

“Peter, let me see-” She said weakly, pulling herself back to reality.

“Y/N, you’re scaring me. Look at me. You can touch me…”

“Let me see it.”

Peter swallowed and held out his wrist. She unwrapped it tenderly and ran her fingers lightly over the deep red marks. A tear fell from her cheek and onto his palm. She let go of his hands, still shaking. She turned away from him. Peter reached out, grabbing her shoulder. She flinched, pushing him away.

“I can’t hurt you, Peter. I won’t let it happen-“

“You won’t hurt me…”

“Yes I will. I hurt everything. That’s all I ever do. Hurt people-”

“Y/N…” he pressed a kiss to her forehead, desperate to find something that would ground her. Tears stung his eyes as he spoke.

“I want to touch you, Y/N. I just want you to touch me. God, Y/N…Why won’t you let me touch you?”

His voice was weak and shaken. He sounded terrified. Y/N’s stomach flipped. She bit her lip.

"Do you love me?”

“What?”

“Do you love me, Peter?”

"Christ, Y/N. Of course-”

“You shouldn’t.”  

She swallowed, pleading with herself to keep it together. She looked up at him for just long enough to register the fear in his eyes. That’s when she felt herself break. She sobbed into his chest. He pulled her into his arms, letting his hands roam over her the valleys of her shoulders and her back.

“You’d hate me, Peter. If you knew,” she whimpered, “You’d hate what I’ve done. I’ve ruined people, Pete. I can’t ruin you, too. I just can’t.”

He clung to her, drowning in the silence. She leaned back, looking him directly in the eye. She cradled his face, holding him a little too tightly

“You’re too good to ruin.”

Peter surged forward, moving his lips into hers and wrapping her in his arms. He backed her gently against the headboard, kissing the tears from her face. He mirrored her, nuzzling his nose against her neck and pressing soft kisses down her collarbone, lingering there. He was warm and he cared too much and she warned herself not to melt into him anymore than she already had. His lips stopped above her ear. His breath was hot against her neck.

“And you’re too good for me to leave.”

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