an actual baby post

uh my hand slipped while I was yelling about this

Humans Are Weird (Pregnancy and Babies)

“Humans are weird” post! What if all aliens actually hatch from eggs and our planet is the only one in the universe that has mammals on it. For an alien, the shell of their egg is a bit like their birth certificate because it’s the proof that they were born, so it’s extremely important for them. To study the development of certain species, they sometimes have to ask some specimen of that species to show them their shell. But then, they visit Earth and meet humans…

Alien: Good morning Human-Nate. I am Xers, an eggshell specialist. In order to study your species development, I need you to show me the shell of the egg that you hatched from. Don’t worry, I am a professional. I can guarantee that you will have it back in the same state as it was when you entrusted it to me.
Human: hummmm, I’m sorry but I don’t have any eggshell to show you…..
Alien: Could it be that you lost it? If so, please excuse me for my previous request. I am sorry if you thought that it was a rude of me.
Human: Don’t apologize, it’s fine! *nervous hand gesture* I didn’t lose it or anything. It’s just that I never had one in the first place. Humans do not hatch from eggs.
Alien: W-what? They don’t?! Then how?
Human: Well, to put it short, the baby grows inside of the mother’s uterus for 9 months and then, when they are ready, they just…come out…by another part of the the mother’s reproductive system.
Alien: Directly from the uterus? With no shell or protection?! Baby humans actually SURVIVE this?!
Human: Yup, and I am the living proof! *laughs*
Alien: …..what the hell is wrong with your species.

To learn more about what humans call “pregnancy”, Xers went to see a pregnant woman and asked her questions about the singular gestation process of “mammals”. After a few minutes, the woman chuckled softly and put a hand on her round belly.

Alien: *worried* Human-Kate, are you alright?
Human: It’s nothing. I just felt a small kick from her. *chuckles*
Alien:….Did your growing organism just ATTACK YOU?!

THE SIGNS AS GUYS I KNOW
  • Aries: TRASH COMPLETE TRASH. He used to be really sweet and was pretty much the king of cute guys two years ago, but now he thinks being a jerk that only talks about having sex with his girlfriend is cool. IT'S NOT FYI
  • Taurus: Really chill and funny, but he gets randomly depressed at times and it makes me sad because this dude deserves to be happy.
  • Gemini: Great fashion sense and he always keeps it 100 percent, nothing more and nothing less. He's honestly one of my favorite people, but we don't hang out much these days. Hmm... sad.
  • Cancer: ALSO TRASH. Passive-aggressive and annoying. He doesn't like to look at himself as the problem and just blaming everything on other people. [Micheal Jordan voice] Stop it, get some help.
  • Leo: ANNOYING AND LOUD. Breaks up friendships too because some people (me) become super petty and annoyed when this person is around that they (me) have to stop talking to one of their best friends for a whole year.
  • Virgo: Comes across as really strange and probably has some weird fetishes, but he's nice so yeah.
  • Libra: Pretentious and douchey. Everyone seems to like this dude for some reason though. I can see why people do sometimes, but then he just does something and I HATE HIM AGAIN. He might be really successful in the future though.
  • Scorpio: Video game nerd, but not smart nerd, ya know? He gets a new crush every other week and has probably liked all my friends at some point in time. But he's super nice and gave me candy once so I'm not a hater.
  • Sagittarius: SUPER FUNNY AND SMART. But always seems to have a crush on someone and it's just sad seeing him try to flirt. I cringe as I type.
  • Capricorn: I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, HE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE (even though he doesn't know I exist oops). HE'S SO TALENTED AND SEXY I COULD DIE. But he seems to not think before he speaks (or tweets in this case) and it makes me sad. (Me: Doesn't know any Capricorn guys, so I write about my celebrity crush lolol)
  • Aquarius: He's probably always high or drunk. BUT still pretty cool... in small doses. If I had to spend more than an hour with this dude I'd probably die.
  • Pisces: Innocent and sweet. He is an innocent child, I will personally fight anyone who tries to corrupt this innocent baby. Ok? Ok.
2

The Time to Sleep 🍂

We found a place to which we drive
And I offer you the time
To sleep - to dream
To wake up when we arrive…”

Poses: @simtrovart, thank you 💕