an abusive and controlling relationship

Characteristics of the Narcissist.

These characteristics apply to males and females

1. Self-centered. His/Her needs are paramount.

2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.

3. Unreliable, undependable.

4. Does not care about the consequences of their actions.

5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never their fault.

6. Little if any conscience.

7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.

8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.

9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.

10. People are to be manipulated for their needs.

11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to their gain at other’s expense.  If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.

12. Pathological lying.

13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.

14. No real values. Mostly situational.

15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.

16. Angry, mercurial, moods.

17. Uses sex to control

18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.

19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.

20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.

21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.

22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.

23. Moody – switches from nice guy to anger without much provocation.

24. Repeatedly fails to honor financial obligations.

25. Seldom expresses appreciation.

26. Grandiose. Convinced he/she knows more than others and is correct in all he/she does.

27. Lacks ability to see how he/she comes across to others.  Defensive when confronted with his behavior.  Never his/her fault.

28. Can get emotional, tearful. This is about show or frustration rather than sorrow.

29. He/She breaks woman’s or men’s spirits to keep them dependent.

30. Needs threats, intimidations to keep others close to him.

31. Sabotages partner. Wants him/her to be happy only through him/her and to have few or no outside interests and acquaintances.

32. Highly contradictory.

33. Convincing.  Must convince people to side with him/her.

34. Hides his/her real self.  Always “on”

35. Kind only if he/she gets from you what they want.

36. He/She has to be right. He/She has to win. He/She has to look good.

37. He/She announces, not discusses. He/She tells, not asks.

38. Does not discuss openly, has a hidden agenda.

39. Controls money of others but spends freely on himself.

40. Unilateral condition of, “I’m OK and justified so I don’t need to hear your position or ideas”

41. Always feels misunderstood.

42. You feel miserable with this person. This person drains you.

43. Does not listen because they do not care.

44. Their feelings are discussed, not the partners.

45. Is not interested in problem-solving.

46. Very good at reading people, so they can manipulate them.  Sometimes called gaslighting.

PSA for kids close to moving out

Im a junior three months away from the summer and I need to plan out my life and become an adult really soon to efficiently cut off my abusive parents, so I have some adulty tips and advice for people who will soon be gone but are totally confused on how to do the adult thing

☆Learn what credit is and get a credit card as soon as you can while youre employed
Credit is basically a score you get to track how ‘reliable’ you are in terms of paying back the bank (which is how credit cards work. Ex: you pay 20 dollars for some shoes with a credit card, the bank pays it. At the end of the month you repay the bank 20 dollars for that purchase) as opposed to a debit card where you put money in and spend it basically like a digital wallet, but you need credit. Many loaners (college kids im looking at you) and landlords look at this to see if you are reliable to pay rent or loans. So make sure you get a job for at least a year before you move out to collect credit

**KNOW YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER
This is super important for documents and benefits, like insurance, passports, and even jobs.

** have some form of identification (drivers licences work best)

*try to get your license as soon as possible, not only is transportation vital but its also one of the best forms of identification

**have three copies of your birthcertificate

I know im probably missing a bunch so please comment more but i hope this helped ❤❤

I am struggling with
😭Depression
😨Anxiety
😠Anger
😟Grief
🤔Impulsive/intrusive thoughts
🤕Dysphoria
😕Maintaining control
🤗Relationships/family/friends
🤢Illness
😔Abusive situations
🙃Everyday life
😷 Maintaining self care
🤐 Something private
😤 Something else

and…

😺I just need you to know
🌹  I need a little kindness and consideration
🐾I need to be left alone for a bit, I will contact you when I’m ready
🐋I need company
🙊I DON’T want to talk about it
🗯I need to vent
❓ I need advice
👍 I need reassurance
💅I need a distraction
❤I need to feel appreciated
🦄I need to feel accepted
💌I need someone to check up on me
🎈 I need someone to ask me how I am
👂 I need someone to talk to me
💤I might not have the energy to communicate
💨I need someone to help me with physical tasks
✈I need to get out of the house
🛀I need to be somewhere comfortable
🐰I need someone positive
🕊I need someone sympathetic
🥑I need encouragement with taking care of myself

30 Signs Of Emotional Abuse In A Relationship

Please. Please. Please, keep in mind that ANY relationship can be abusive. Romantic or not.

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.

7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.

8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.

11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.

14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.

15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.

16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

28. They share personal information about you with others.

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

There are so many bad people in the world. They’re not aware they’re bad. They don’t even have the capacity to see right and wrong like you or I - you can’t change that; no woman can. She can only be crazier than him, or defeated by it and sad her whole life. And he knows you’re not crazy. He’s trying to take control of something he has no control over, because he is sick and hollow.
Anytime i miss my ex for some fun time - this list is a reminder how he treated me and it’s not worth it!

21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Psychological abuse can look like:

  1. Humiliating or embarrassing you.
  2. Constant put-downs.
  3. Hypercriticism.
  4. Refusing to communicate.
  5. Ignoring or excluding you.
  6. Affairs.
  7. Provocative behavior with opposite sex.
  8. Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice.
  9. Unreasonable jealousy.
  10. Extreme moodiness.
  11. Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you.
  12. Saying “I love you but…”
  13. Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.”
  14. Domination and control.
  15. Withdrawal of affection.
  16. Guilt trips.
  17. Making everything your fault.
  18. Isolating you from friends and family.
  19. Using money to control.
  20. Constant calling or texting when you are not with him/her.
  21. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave.

It is important to remember is that it is absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators with a knack for getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities against you.

Abuser’s most common tactics:
• Sarcasm
• Ridicule
• Distorting what you say
• Sulking
• Accusing you of doing what he does, or thinking the way he thinks
• Using a ton of absolute certainty and final authority – “defining reality”
• Interrupting
• Not listening, refusing to respond
• Laughing out loud at your opinion or perspective
• Turning your grievances around to use against you
• Changing the subject to his grievances
• Criticism that is harsh, undeserved, or frequent
• Provoking guilt
• Playing the victim
• Smirking, rolling his eyes, contemptuous facial expressions
• Yelling, out-shouting
• Swearing
• Name-calling, insults, put downs
• Walking out
• Towering over you
• Walking toward you in an intimidating way
• Blocking a doorway
• Other forms of physical intimidation, such as getting too close while he’s angry
• Threatening to leave you
• Threatening to harm you
—  Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

So I just wanted to talk a little bit about Ryou and Bakura’s relationship to each other. The anime portrays it as a terribly abusive relationship in which Bakura forcibly takes control of Ryou’s body and does a flawless impersonation of him. But in the manga:

theres evidence to suggest that Bakura did not use force. Instead, he earned Ryou’s trust so that Ryou would put the Ring on willingly. Fast forward to Battle City: 

Ryou isn’t afraid of wearing the Ring, which means he trusts Bakura and thinks of him as a friend. How else would you explain how he’s acting?

And also there’s this: 

Just look at Ryou’s reaction after regaining control of his body! He isn’t scared or confused, which means that he must have willingly allowed Bakura to take control. 

And we all know that Bakura is sickeningly good at deceiving people:

If it worked on Yugi, then it would most likely work on Ryou too. They are both horrendously gullible.

So can we all start writing more fanfictions in which Bakura deceives Ryou instead of using force? There are multiple reasons why deception is better:

`1. Ryou doesn’t haven’t to go through trauma.

2. Ryou isn’t weak, and trying to control him by force would be really hard. Deception makes more sense in Bakura’s point of view because it requires less effort. 

3. Depending on how dark you want to write Bakura’s character, it’s possible to portray tendershipping as non-abusive. You could have Bakura accidentally start to care about Ryou while pretending to be his friend. I doubt it happened in canon, but fanfics can be written that way.

As a side note, Bakura is utterly terrible at impersonating Ryou. Look:

Whenever the Spirit takes control, he always acts like himself and doesn’t even bother to try to impersonate Ryou, and there’s always someone who questions his identity.

YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.
—  Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
The Warning Signs of Abuse

“He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners.

He is disrespectful towards you. 

He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable. 

He is controlling.

He is possessive.

Nothing is ever his fault.

He is self-centered.

He abuses drugs or alcohol.

He pressures you for sex.

He gets serious too quickly about the relationship.

He intimidates you when he’s angry. 

He has double standards.

He has negative attitudes towards women.

He treats you differently around other people.

He appears to be attracted to vulnerability.”

- Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men