amy fries

7

Introduction to the Rogues (2/?)

“No one just starts giggling and wearing black and signs up to become a villainous monster. How the hell do you think it happens? It happens to people. Just people. They make questionable choices, for what might be very good reasons. They make choice after choice, and none of them is slaughtering roomfuls of saints, or murdering hundreds of baby seals, or rubber-room irrational. But it adds up. And then one day they look around and realized that they’re so far over the line that they can’t remember where it was.”  

- Jim Butcher

Rogues as shopper types

Jonathan Crane: The extreme coupon/bargain hunter. You want 27 orange juice containers for some reason? He’s got a coupon for that. You want a bunch of guns without the consequence of blackmail later? He’s got 3 coupons for that. You want a pack of Oreo’s, but don’t have a coupon?  Well put that shit back on the shelf b/c it’s the coupon way or fear toxin way, no exception.

Edward Nigma: The thrift shop prowler. May it be a Value Village or some obscure store, he will have visited it at some point. Why spend $50 on a new cane when you can get an old one for 99 cents, and just modify it? Where else do you think he buys so many suits, Abercomie & Finch? Nah, he’s too busy devising plots designed for tormenting Batman to make money for that. He’ll wear your grandpa’s hand me downs any day, and just say it’s high class (What? It probably was at some point).

Poison Ivy: The window browser, aka the ‘i’m shopping but not really’ type. Spends more time admiring the clothes than actually buying them, unless she’s with friends, in which case she may indulge a bit. If she see’s someone else admiring clothes, she will vigorously insist they try it on until they decide to buy it. She’ll probably have everyone else blowing all the money before the end of the trip, and then walk away herself with a full wallet. The only exception to this is the organic beauty product store, or any organic store in fact. All products will be bought from the shelf before the end of the hour, and some poor sucker will be seduced into carrying it home for her. What a queen.

Harley Quinn: The no limit spender. Every shopping trip is a fresh challenge to see how far she can push the newest credit card she stole. Everything she buys is worth it in her eyes, and if she ever runs short, she can call up some ‘gal-pals’ to persuade Mr.Wayne into loaning his money to them again. Even though it barely stays in her hands, she seems to always have an endless flow of cash from somewhere.

Jervis Tetch: The know it all. This man is in the scene. You want tea? He knows a store. You want cute doily shit and flower headbands? He knows a store. You want mind controlling technology and maybe some cat food? He can probably hook you up with the mind tech, but he knows a store for cat food as well. You want books on neurosciences and the working of the brain? He knows several bookstores with that shit, cause he shops there frequently. You want access to the most exclusive stores in town? He can do that. He’s a shopping champ.

Harvey Dent: The indecisive shopper. Go shopping with him, and you’ll spend more time looking at the stuff in the store than actually buying it. He’ll hum, and huh, and flip his way through every item that may have caught his attention. If he see’s a suit, he’ll spend a solid 20 minutes deciding if it’d be better two toned, or monotone. Don’t try to tell him to buy it or not either, or you’ll be standing for even longer as he contemplates wringing your neck in the store or parking lot.

Joker: The erratic buyer. He’ll go from socks to swords in minutes, and you probably won’t fully grasp what the fuck is going on throughout the entire trip. He’ll be pushing a cart that’ll have kazoos, guns, a goldfish, twenty something pairs of underwear, a golf club, and a laser cat pointer, and somehow he’ll manage to make it into a functional plan. Only shop with him if you want to get doused with laughing gas, or get a massive headache out of sheer confusion. Whichever one comes first.

Victor Fries: The miracle worker. Browses around, purchases only the necessities, chips in to help whenever you’re a dollar short or something, somehow knows all the best deals, and is the ideal shopping buddy. Just keep him away from stores involving ice, cryotechnology, or couples things. It may be several hours before he decides to leave them.

Oswald Cobblepot: The snob. His motto is ‘Shop? Why shop when you can just commission everyone to make the clothes for you!’. He’d rather invite Black Mask to tango dancing than be caught in a Target.