I have spent 5 long years TTC, and over that time I have evolved into a person I never knew I could be.
Today I am reminded of that by a lovely lady I am helping through her fertility struggles. She (among so many other woman) have thanked me for taking the time to help them through the hard times, help them find answers, and keep pushing forward. Every day I see more women get pregnant and knowing that I touched their lives in some way makes all this worth it.
I never thought I would say this but I am grateful for all that I have been through because it has helped me become all that I am.
I think I may finally be coming to terms with infertility… I think I might finally be able to find peace, with or without a child, because I have purpose.
I vow, that even after I have children that I will continue to help those struggling.
I vow, that I will not be distracted by my life so much that I no longer improve the lives of women going through what I have gone through.
I vow, to always be here for the TTC and Infertile community. Come hell or high water.
And to the universe… thank you for putting me through this. Thank you for teaching me patience, diligence, peace, forgiveness, and most of all love.
"My blacker side only typically comes out when I'm angry" ://// I'm very disappointed that you are perpetuating unhealthy racist stereotypes
Just when I thought anonymous asks in my inbox couldn’t get any worse.
ONE: I’m mixed race. Half white, half black.(I’m also part Native American for what it’s worth, among many other things. Seriously, I light up a big part of the map, it’s pretty neat.) Although my accent could typically be described as analogous American, by virtue of being raised around the half of my family that’s black, I’ve also adopted it as a dialect. (My aunt jokingly refers to it as ebonics. I digress.) When I’m not spending time with them, I sound as far as I know analogous. But for some reason that’s to this day a mystery to me, if I’m talking really fast, passionately, or angrily, that dialect comes out. That’s just who I am. And even in the 30 years of my life growing up in a society that’s in itself racist I have never had to explain that to anyone. Not a soul. Most people don’t care.
TWO: Never, ever, ever make assumptions about a person without speaking to them about it first. If you think something I’m saying could come off as offensive you take those sunglasses off and message me privately. I would be more than happy to fix something if it turns out you’re right. Or, as in this case, clear it up for you if you’re wrong.
THREE: If you’re going to saunter into my inbox and deign to say you’re disappointed in me about something, I would strongly advise not using that word. My grandparents and my mother (who’s black) made damn sure that I knew precisely what racism is growing up. I have a very clear definition of the word. I do not need reminding what stereotypes are. In those tags I was referring solely to myself because it applies to me.
FOUR: I’ve had a very rough couple of weeks where comments and anonymous asks are concerned. Tumblr’s been fucking toxic lately and you’re contributing to it. If you cared to take a look at my description you’d know I’ve been staying away from tumblr more or less because of them. The only reason I made that post in the middle of my hiatus was because I’M disappointed in the fandom for treating authors the way they have. I do not appreciate this in the slightest. It doesn’t help. I would kindly ask you to refrain from visiting others’ inboxes lecturing them about anything. Nobody appreciates it. Least of all me at the moment.
FIVE: I have been bullied my entire life. I have been, at times, made to feel left out because I’m neither entirely white nor entirely black. Lately I have been trying to be more open about who I am because being nervous or ashamed of any facet of who I am doesn’t do me any favors. Lately I’ve been happier just opening up here about myself. That’s hard when I do worry about assholes like you coming over accusing me of something like this.
SIX: Never in my entire life has anyone called me racist. Then again never in my entire life had anyone called me a bully before until last week. I guess this is a month of firsts. Thank you, anon, for reminding me precisely why I decided to go on hiatus in the first place. Thank you for gutting me and exposing a topic that, despite my lengthy rambling, I’m sensitive to.
SEVEN: For the record, this blog is a safe space for people of all walks of life regardless of gender identity, personal identity, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religion, personal preferences, abilities, or anything that might make you delightfully unique. If I ever offend anyone that is never my intent and I welcome anyone to let me know if I do.
But I’ll say it again, I was referring strictly to myself with that note. With that, I’m going back on hiatus and if anyone gives a damn they’d be lucky if I choose to come back when I get this project done as I said I would. Despite the overwhelming support from people, it’s stuff like this that really makes it hard to want to be a part of tumblr.
And now I’m going to fucking bed. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
My Merthur top ten features Overboard by shiny-starlight; it ranks high among many other great fics but as with films, shows and songs it depends on the mood you’re in so I can’t possibly place it (any of them) on a podium. But when I want to read something funny, relaxing, with lots of banter and yet a charming and an appealing fic, this is one of those that pops to mind. Kids fics are always pretty hilarious in this fandom and the whole amnesia twist is handled amazingly by the writer. Go read it if you still haven’t :)
The things that you can see in Hamilton that are affecting people are also present in Les Mis. One, it’s trying to capture so much of the human experience that even if we fall short, we’ve got a lot of it. I mean, Les Misérables starts in prison. It’s “Look down, look down, you’re standing in your grave.” And then it goes up from there. And in terms of musical theater, it’s the opposite of what most people’s prejudices with musical theater is: It’s not sunny and uplifting. I think that’s why it struck such a universal chord with people. This is not happy show tunes. The one they do give you, it’s prostitutes. And it comes with this ironic twist.
It’s like a masterclass in how to use themes in order to take a short circuit to someone’s tear duct or heart or gut. You see Valjean at the end and they play that music that was playing when Fantine died and it’s like, we know what’s coming — OH SHIT. “NOW YOU ARE HERE.” — NO, FUCK FUCK FUCK. [Mimics wiping away tears from his eyes.] Like, we just know. And it’s a masterclass. So those are the things that I always responded to. There’s just so much in it, it’s such a full meal. I have so much fun quotingLes Mis to Twitter and shit, because I could do it forever. There’s literally a line for every occasion. It hits everything. The musicals that leave us kind of staggering on our feet are the ones that really reach for a lot. And so, we’re trying to do that.
one of the nicest things about the olympics is that one day we’ll have fully grown trees planted by athletes all over the world and thats beautiful ok all these people shared a moment of pride and happiness among so many other athletes and planted a little seed and Look this makes me feel emo