Part 4 of the Go your own Way fic
It was just another rainy Sunday, except of the terrible headache that still bothered Christine until the sun began setting. Turning the TV on, she zapped through the channels and noticed that there was an American Horror Story marathon. For some absurd reason, Christine liked that show and put the remote down.
Noticing that she could barely sit still, she got up and looked for something to distract herself. Her body and mind were asking for alcohol, or any drug to numb the heartache, but she tried to stay sober because John said he would come around later tonight.
But what if he couldn’t? Maybe Julie was with him, they might have gone out on a date since John just got back from America. It wasn’t until then that she realized he must’ve spent the first night that he was back in England, at her house.
Christine sat back on the couch and wrapped a blanket around herself, trying to focus on the TV. Due to the sounds and headache, she soon drifted off into gentle slumber. Her mind trailed off to places she hadn’t thought of in over thirty years. Back to the day she got married to John, to their honeymoon, to the day she told him she was pregnant and he got drunk, tried to stab her in the neck. That was the night she had spent at Mick’s, trying to drown her sorrows and worries in wine and killing the baby that way.
It was the worst thing she had ever done and she saw herself at fault, even thought if John hadn’t reacted that way, she would’ve kept the child. Christine always wanted to be a mother, but John made it very clear to her that he wasn’t ready to be a father yet. Overall, she got pregnant three times, but never managed to keep the baby. She somewhat killed three of her own children. Thinking of that, half asleep, tears fell from her eyes and she sniffed, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself.
Especially now, that John had a daughter himself, the thought of having a family with him was very painful for Christine. Just because it was so impossible to be with him without breaking another woman’s heart. Well, even though her and Molly, John’s daughter, always got along very well, Christine doubted that Molly would be okay with her stealing away her father.
Suddenly a knock on the door slowly pulled her out of her memories and she opened her eyes. “Christine? Are you awake?” It was John.
Christine got up and opened the front door, rubbing her eyes to wake up completely. “Hey, John.”
John smiled, admiring her still sleepy voice. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It’s more embarrassing that I already fell asleep.” Christine chuckled and stepped aside to let John in.
Walking past her, he plopped down on the couch and laid his head back, sighting heavily and closing his eyes. All day, he had dealt with his wife complaining about him not coming home last night.
“What’s wrong?” It was obvious that something bothered John and Christine was determined to find out what it was.
Looking up, John grumbled and sat up straight. “It’s Julie.. she got jealous when I told here that I stayed here last night..”
Christine stifled a laugh and walked into the kitchen, getting herself a glass of water. “Jealous? What did you tell her?”
“Nothing, I told her that you weren’t feeling too good and I fell asleep on the couch.” Which wasn’t even a lie except the couch part.
“And she didn’t take it so well, eh?”
“No,” John sighted. “I just don’t understand women sometimes. You’re so complicated,”
“By now you should get the hang of dealing with women, John. You’re at that age where you can’t just take them to bed and expect them to love you unconditionally,” Christine said, sitting down next to John.
Smirking, he turned towards her. “I can’t?” He teased, stretching and resting his arm around her shoulders playfully.
“John.. You are Julie’s husband, and I don’t judge her for being mad at you, to be honest.”
“But I am always there for her, she knows that. She is always jealous when I an around you, Christine.” He looked down at the glass of water in her hands to avoid eye contact.
“I couldn’t compete to your wife, John.” Christine said and he lifted his head, looking her dead in the eye. Suddenly she remembered the kiss they shared that morning, and she felt her body tingle. “Why’d you kiss me earlier?” she blurted out, biting her lip as soon as the question was asked.
John looked at her like a deer in headlights. “I- uh,” he stuttered.
Christine’s expression turned into disappointment and she turned away from him, getting up and walking into the kitchen. She always did that when she was nervous or insecure, she just walked around, opening cabinets and acting as if she was looking for something. John got up and followed her instantly.
“No, Chrissy, don’t run from me. I kissed you because I-” He stopped in his tracks when she turned around to him and he saw the tears in her eyes, the sight was enough to break his heart.
“Because you..? You what, John? Wanted to tease me? To give me the feeling of being wanted, and loved, and then leave?” she whimpered, sniffing and wiping her eyes quickly.
“Because I love you, Christine!” He half cried, staring deep into her blue eyes. “I love you and I always did, I will always do. Was that what you wanted to hear?”
His ex wife just stood there staring back at him, her eyes welling with tears again. “Maybe it was what I needed to hear.” she simply stated and turned to open the fridge.
John’s mouth dropped. “You’re just gonna leave it like this? Seriously? Don’t want to talk about it or anything?”
“What is there to talk about? Look at your finger, that’s a wedding band, John. You should’ve thought of this thirty some years ago, if you loved me so much..”
“And whose idea was it to get a divorce, huh?” He snapped, instantly regretting his words. “Oh God, I’m sorry. Christine I’m sorry, I-”
“You should leave, John.” Christine stated bluntly, her heart falling to pieces at his words.
“No, Chris.. Don’t make me leave, please, I didn’t mean it! I know it was my fault, I know you tried to fix things in our marriage. I was stupid, please forgive me..” Begging her, he got closer to her and she took a step back.
“Leave, now, John. Go, get out of thi-” Her words faded when suddenly John locked his lips with hers for the second time that day. First Christine tried to push him away, but when he backed her up against the counter she responded to the kiss with just as much passion.
Her hands roamed his body, pulling him closer to her and rolling her hips against his. “We shouldn’t be doing this..” she groaned, when his hands went under her shirt and he tried unclasping her bra.
Christine moaned when his hands replaced the cups of her bra and she wrapped one leg around his tights, claiming him. He helped her hop onto the counter and unbuttoned her jeans hastily while she tugged at his shirt and he quickly took it off.
John went back to pulling her pants down until he could easily reach into her panties and did so. Gasping, Christine ran her hand along the side of his face when he his warm fingers met her sensitive skin. Suddenly it reminded her of Tom, it began to feel very wrong and she asked John to stop before hopping off the counter and pulling her pants back up. “I- I’m sorry John, I can’t. We can’t do this. You’re a married man and I just- well, I’m not really up for an affair at the moment.” Christine hesitated when it came to Tom, knowing it would be hard for him to process that she was with another man for the last thirteen months.
Surprisingly calm, John took her in his arms and kissed her forehead carefully. “It’s okay. But don’t make me leave, please, I want to stay with you.”
“John you can’t. I am so sorry, but Julie will freak out if you stay at my house another night.” Christine explained and John looked into her eyes with disappointment.
“Can I come back?” he carefully asked and she smiled warmly.
“Anytime.” Christine responded, pecking his lips again before letting him go. She knew she had him under control in some way, and that was soothing to her. To know that no matter what, she could call him, and he’d be by her side as fast as he could.